Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So my dad and brother finally dragged their lazy selfs out of bed. My dad asked me if Tristan had left already and I told him yes he had. I said it seemed like I saw less of him since he started working than before he had moved in. My dad made the comment that Tristan moving in had worked out really well. Tyler said yeah it had and that he was really glad I had a steady boyfriend because if I didn't I would have gotten really out of hand. I asked him what that meant and he said " well you were really promiscuous " . I was like, "EXCUSE me"??? He said "well you started messing around with boys when you were 12. You never seemed to have any problems attracting guys before and now it would be even easier for you". I asked him what his point was and he said if I wasn't involved with Tristan he imagined I would be even more promiscuous than I was before transition. So basically my brother called me a slut! My dad said no one was calling me a slut but that I had to admit I was pretty promiscuous before I met Tristan. Yeah, I was. So what?  So Tyler is standing there looking smug making me want to slap that smug look off his stupid face!  So I reminded both of them that Tyler had been and STILL was just as promiscuous as I had been and that yes, my dad had caught me giving a boy oral when I was 12 but that Tyler got sent home from a girls house and her mom told my dad she didn't want him over there anymore because he had stuck his hand down the front of the girls pants and her mother caught them. He was TEN!!! I told them both Tyler was just as much of a "slut" as I had been. Tyler said no, guys can't be sluts, only girls! I looked at my dad and he says " it is different for guys sweetheart". So if a girl messes around with a lot of guys she's a whore but if a guy messes around with a lot of girls that's ok and he's just being a guy? That's totally MESSED UP!!! That's totally stupid and it's SO not fair!!!! My brother said " we don't make the rules Julia. That's just the way it is". Yeah bullcrap! I'm totally sure that double standard was started by some guy! I told them not to even talk to me for the rest of the day. Naturally the have no idea why I'm so mad.

Sorry for the rant but this just makes me furious! I need to calm down because I'm so mad I'm getting a headache.

Guys are far more promiscuous than girls.  Men base sex as a conquest, whereas women more (not only) for love and babies.  A reason women may have needed multiple encounters in the past was because she wanted the best chance to become pregnant.  Men just want to "do it".
A male dominated society is why this is happening. 

Jess

 Welcome to the wonderful world of females and the unfair reality of male privilege, Julia. I prefer the term vixen or hussy myself.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: Laurie on February 17, 2018, 04:17:54 PM
Welcome to the wonderful world of females and the unfair reality of male privilege, Julia. I prefer the term vixen or hussy myself.

Hugs,
   Laurie

First your a vixen and then your the hussy!
It isn't fair.

Lol it's a double standard but are you promiscious still? You have a boyfriend so I'd say probably not. I know before hrt when I would get dolled up and look fabulous- I liked having guys sexually persue me. Now on hrt, I still have a sex drive, just as strong. But attention from men and having them fawn over me is no where near my priority anymore..

I think it's a personal choice for me though.  I'm also a bit older than you and I had my fun though I did start later at 17 lol

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Quote from: Allison S on February 17, 2018, 04:46:04 PM
Lol it's a double standard but are you promiscious still? You have a boyfriend so I'd say probably not. I know before hrt when I would get dolled up and look fabulous- I liked having guys sexually persue me. Now on hrt, I still have a sex drive, just as strong. But attention from men and having them fawn over me is no where near my priority anymore..

I think it's a personal choice for me though.  I'm also a bit older than you and I had my fun though I did start later at 17 lol

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No of course I'm not promiscuous now. I would never cheat on Tristan. But my brother is very promiscuous but because he's a guy it's ok. If I didn't know better I would think my dad was proud that he is. Ugh!

You are so right girl. I notice it when I am around family. Guys can sleep with as many girls as they like, but the minute a girl, or one of us special girls does it, we are sluts. I hate going to a club and if....... I do hook up, I spend the next few weeks rejecting guys who just assume I must go to clubs to get layed. It is infuriating!!! When two people connect, who cares!!! Yes we have sex!!! So what!!!

Then, there is another double standard. Guy like girls that put out right away, but would never want one, just because she is too easy. Perhaps that is more of an oxymoron. When I was dating, most guys never wanted to see me again, just because I would not have sex on the first date. Yet, I know they would never respect me if I did.

Quote from: Lady Sarah on February 17, 2018, 06:00:32 PM
Then, there is another double standard. Guy like girls that put out right away, but would never want one, just because she is too easy. Perhaps that is more of an oxymoron. When I was dating, most guys never wanted to see me again, just because I would not have sex on the first date. Yet, I know they would never respect me if I did.

Oh yeah, that too! Tyler has said he wouldn't want a slutty girlfriend but at the same time he dumped this girl whom I thought was really nice because she wouldn't put out after 3 dates. He dumped another one because she didn't like to suck dick.  Guys dont know what the hell they really want!

It's the male game isn't it? Who has the bigger penis? Who has slept with more women? Who is just such an amazing man that all women are attracted to?

Meh, never understood it at all and yes Julia, it is double standards.
A guy who sleeps around is regarded by his male friends as a hero, a girl who does is seen as easy. It's dumb

A guy once explained it to me comparing it to keys and locks...

I'm pretty sure it all stems from guys belief that a girl can get some whenever she wants and they are massively jealous of that. To be honest it's all a good reason why men should be seen, sometimes felt but not heard.

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Quote from: Jessica on February 17, 2018, 01:33:27 PM
A male dominated society is why this is happening. 

The basic higher motivation men have for sex in the first place is down to hormones they have in them and that isn't their fault.

The reason society frowns on women being promiscuous comes from old attitudes from before the days of contraception about trying to make sure a woman didn't end up pregnant and the kid without a father, before the days of a welfare state when they'd have starved in the gutter. If people didn't care about what happened to women, fathers wouldn't try to protect their daughters from boys, and society wouldn't have tried to shame women for potentially risky behavior.

I know myself if you indulge in risky behavior as a woman, risky things can happen. My father tried to instill a sense of risk in it not because he was a dominating misogynist, but because the risks can be higher for women, simple as that. You can blame biology and nature for that burden. Society had to adjust to that.

These days it doesn't matter so much, and if women are strong and independent now then they can deal with the consequences of their actions by themselves, I should think.

Quote from: Kylo on February 20, 2018, 02:29:54 PM
The basic higher motivation men have for sex in the first place is down to hormones they have in them and that isn't their fault.

So very true, and gives basis for transition to a number of mtf members here.

Julia, you are completely right on this and your brother and father are being archaic.   It interesting how they can be so accepting of transgender people and yet be so neanderthal about this.   

I imagine if you call your brother a slut he would be sort of proud of it.  I wonder if woman could ever do that? Could woman be proud of being promiscuous?

Almost 40 years ago, at the end of high school, two girls in my grade had a summer contest to see who could sleep with the most guys.  I remember hearing the count was something like 40 for one and 25 for the other.  It was weird and so over the top, I don't remember anyone calling them sluts.  In a way they seemed to be empowered by this.  It was like they were saying men were their playthings. 

The world is weird, take care,
Paige :)

Mtf hormones for me make me wanna cuddle not really have sex.  I mean I pleasure myself so I'm okay on that front [emoji6] I cuddle with my pillow when I'm about to fall asleep it's the best lol

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Quote from: Paige on February 20, 2018, 04:35:39 PM
Julia, you are completely right on this and your brother and father are being archaic.   It interesting how they can be so accepting of transgender people and yet be so neanderthal about this.   

I imagine if you call your brother a slut he would be sort of proud of it.  I wonder if woman could ever do that? Could woman be proud of being promiscuous?

Almost 40 years ago, at the end of high school, two girls in my grade had a summer contest to see who could sleep with the most guys.  I remember hearing the count was something like 40 for one and 25 for the other.  It was weird and so over the top, I don't remember anyone calling them sluts.  In a way they seemed to be empowered by this.  It was like they were saying men were their playthings. 

The world is weird, take care,
Paige :)

My grandpa is a total chauvinist pig. His favorite joke is : " what do you call the excess skin around a vagina? .......A woman". If that tells you anything about him. My dad picked up a lot of that thinking growing up. And Tyler picked it up from both of them. My dad and Tyler fully accept me being trans and accept me as a female. But they also think their piggy and outdated ideas about women now apply to me as well. I remember when I first transitioned Tyler overheard me talking to a friend on the phone about how this guy at Starbucks was totally hot. He said : " you need to get over being so boy crazy. It was ok before but you can't do that now. You don't want to get a reputation as a slut". They both also act like my intelligence has dropped several points since I transitioned. Tyler was always bossy with me and thought he was smarter because he was older. Two years older. Big deal!  He got a lot worse after I transitioned. He now thinks he's smarter because he's older and because he's a guy.

Quote from: Allison S on February 20, 2018, 05:19:07 PM
Mtf hormones for me make me wanna cuddle not really have sex.  I mean I pleasure myself so I'm okay on that front [emoji6] I cuddle with my pillow when I'm about to fall asleep it's the best lol

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I've always liked cuddling and before I had Tristan , in the winter I would cuddle with whoever was handy while I watched TV and I cuddled my dog in bed.

I have been slut-shamed a lot too.
I'm just a sexual human being and actually adore sex coming from a place of body positivity, not a pervy place. We live in a world where some people still expect women to be asexual beings they can stick their stick in and who will do their laundry,... without experiencing something in life that gives the woman in question pleasure too. Because pleasure and women in one context is always looked with shame upon. I hate it. This double standard. I'm a straight trans woman and I have been shamed once for having had a consensual one night stand with a friend few months ago.
Someone even felt entitled to ask me where he " came " .
Of course I didn't answer questions like that.
In my opinion it's always frustrated people who wish they themselves could get laid, who make a shame from someone else's sex life.

There is a double standard and no it is not fair, unfortunately we live in a world that progresses by taking two steps forward and three steps back and then we wonder why the more things change the more they stay the same

By the same token if a guy feels like he'd been raped he isn't taken seriously and can't do much about it, but if a girl cries rape everyone jumps right on it

There are double standards in almost every aspect of life, sexism goes both ways and is just another part of the whole

Humans haven't really progressed as much as they fool themselves into believing, still basically cave dwellers but with new toys 

There is also something to be said about women that dress provocatively, but whine when anyone pays attention. I mean, guys ain't even allowed to look. In most cases, when a guy dresses provocatively, he is shunned.

Quote from: Lady Sarah on February 20, 2018, 06:41:55 PM
There is also something to be said about women that dress provocatively, but whine when anyone pays attention. I mean, guys ain't even allowed to look. In most cases, when a guy dresses provocatively, he is shunned.

There is a difference between looking at a girl and feeling entitled to a girl because of the way she dresses. " Looking at " isn't inherently wrong. " feeling entitled to a girls time " is inherently wrong. I have met guys who were of the opinion that I owed them my time because I was wearing a skirt. Some men are very narcistic and don't take " no " for an answer.

Quote from: Lady Sarah on February 20, 2018, 06:41:55 PM
There is also something to be said about women that dress provocatively, but whine when anyone pays attention. I mean, guys ain't even allowed to look. In most cases, when a guy dresses provocatively, he is shunned.

That's true. I don't dress provocatively often but when I have I expected attention from guys so it didn't offend or bother me. Tristan got very annoyed at other guys checking me out though. I reminded him he was the one who wanted me to wear that outfit. Guys want you to look sexy but then get upset if another guy checks you out. It reminds me of a dog with a bone saying look what I have but don't look too long. It's just another weird guy behavior I don't understand. Last summer I told Tristan not to take his shirt off in public, which he likes doing,  because I specifically didn't want other girls looking at him.

Quote from: Transfused on February 20, 2018, 06:48:23 PM
There is a difference between looking at a girl and feeling entitled to a girl because of the way she dresses. " Looking at " isn't inherently wrong. " feeling entitled to a girls time " is inherently wrong. I have met guys who were of the opinion that I owed them my time because I was wearing a skirt. Some men are very narcistic and don't take " no " for an answer.

Oh I know. Some guys act that way no matter how you're dressed. I've had guys act like they were doing me a big favor by talking to me and giving me their attention. Get away from me! God I hate guys who do that kind of thing!

Quote from: Julia1996 on February 20, 2018, 06:54:19 PM
Oh I know. Some guys act that way no matter how you're dressed. I've had guys act like they were doing me a big favor by talking to me and giving me their attention. Get away from me! God I hate guys who do that kind of thing!

Ughhh exactly!
I even went on a date with a guy like that. A macho type who was talking about 101 ex girlfriends he had and then he told me : " I will add you to my collection. I seduce you, I have sex with you, date you and dump you " . The poor boy didn't realise that I am the one who dumps. Before he finished his sentence he had a jar of water over his pants and I left. He could pay my share of the bill. The least thing he could do for ruining my evening like he did lol

Hi friends  :police:

Let's watch the language please, you know better than that

Quote from: Transfused on February 20, 2018, 06:58:35 PM
Ughhh exactly!
I even went on a date with a guy like that. A macho type who was talking about 101 ex girlfriends he had and then he told me : " I will add you to my collection. I seduce you, I have sex with you, date you and dump you " . The poor boy didn't realise that I am the one who dumps. Before he finished his sentence he had a jar of water over his pants and I left. He could pay my share of the bill. The least thing he could do for ruining my evening like he did lol

Lol, OMG, what a total pig! I'm glad you put him in his place.

Quote from: V M on February 20, 2018, 07:08:44 PM
Hi friends  :police:

Let's watch the language please, you know better than that

Sorry, :embarrassed: