Susan's Place Transgender Resources

How much somatic dysphoria do you experience? Or did you for post-ops?

This is focusing on the gender incongruency of your body.

The very bland 'a little' I'm afraid.

No big horror stories or nothing. I reckon I have said it before, but I want a body that responds to my wishes better, something a bit better balanced and slicker. I'm not too bothered about the 'look' of it. I think it represents my soul well enough. Slouchy and informal, with half a smile and a belly that reveals a lack of self control and eyes that myopically spark around.

Indeed I can't imagine hating my body really, it's only a body.

Nero, you could add, hated aspects of my body (other than genitals) and fixed them.
that's why my FFS was about.

I HATE "my" entire body!

Before hormones, it was my entire body.  As hormones started its magic effect, my hatred moved towards my genitals.  I couldn't stand them.  It was the most repugnant feeling that you can ever imagine, and I am not sure if I could convey into words what I felt.  SRS has made a huge difference in the way I see my body now.  As I said on a different thread, I have learned to love my body (including my new genitals  ;D) and needless to say, it is a great feeling...

tink :icon_chick:

You can have all the somatic fun on this thread folks.
Just not the circular cat-fights, they is dull.

No.

He's obviously androgyne like all the cool people  ;D

Quote from: Pica Pica on December 20, 2007, 05:50:21 PMI think it represents my soul well enough. Slouchy and informal, with half a smile and a belly that reveals a lack of self control and eyes that myopically spark around.

And that's wonderful. Beautiful. Perfect is utterly dull.

I don't necessarily *hate* my body.  I just dislike it extremely.

Val

I did not hate my body only parts of it.

Quote from: Pica Pica on December 20, 2007, 05:50:21 PMIndeed I can't imagine hating my body really, it's only a body.

That reminds me of this quote by C.S. Lewis:

QuoteYou don't have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a Body.

On topic: My experience similar to Tink's.  All better now  ;D

I don't know, I'm pretty happy with my body.  I want SRS and maybe some FFS (Adam's Apple is a problem), but other than that, not much.  Maybe I just won the genetic race.  Though my feet and shoulders are bigger than I would like.  And my legs are excessively hairy. :-\

What bothers me:

my tits

the menses

I have illness problems affecting my female parts (as if I weren't dysphoric enough already)

the possibilty of pregnancy (the fact that I could bear a child against my will scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me)

having to shower in my underwear to avoid puking


What I'm cool with:

my {meow}

my height and build (short but well-made)

One that was a result of T. But, I will prolly do nothing about it unless I get a full scholarship for Dr. S. *smile* There was one other aspect that I can do something about without surgery or much else than dieting and exercise. It comes and goes. Tummy.

Of course, as with a lot of women, nothing ever seems just good enough. LOL.

There is no intense hate.

It does have a share of bugs like Y-chromosome, unnecessary bits of SRS-source-material hanging around, and of course the face and overall shape could be better.

Then again if I choose to have FFS it will be mostly for vanity reasons, as I pass well enough not to cause hassle in day-to-day life.

Quote from: Nero on December 21, 2007, 12:00:49 AM
What bothers me:

my tits

the menses

yep used to be bothered by those to.  all is good now ;)

Quote from: Nero on December 21, 2007, 12:00:49 AM
the possibilty of pregnancy (the fact that I could bear a child against my will scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me)

same here but thatt wasnt happenin.  nope.  :laugh: for u to get pregnant, u gotta be with a bio dude.  it doesnt happen out of the blue :laugh:

Quote from: Nero on December 21, 2007, 12:00:49 AM

What I'm cool with:

my {meow}

lmao :laugh:   me to.  it aint a meow though.  the guy's name's king kong :laugh:

Quote from: Nero on December 21, 2007, 12:00:49 AM

my height and build (short but well-made)

yep me too.  cool!

Well me for many years I was neutral on the topic of gender and even less about some certain undesirable appendages bellow. I had not been big on sex to start with and after a life of Hell with my ex kind of soured me of any latent interest in sexual activity that I may have retained. During those days I was not yet aware of the existence of transsexuals.

I pretty well lived alone androgynously. One day I came upon a couple of folks at a coffee shop discussing the subject  of transexuality, and memories from my earlier years came flooding back as I found myself identifying with what was being discussed in that conversation. I didn't waste anytime going to the local library to get some books on the subject. It wasn't long after this discovery I didn't waste time starting what ever procedures I had to do to begin transitioning.

I think the worst part of my journey was when the realisation of the surgery had come home to roost. I was so scared I would make up with the sweats. I hadn't felt fear like that since when I was living with my ex.  But I decided I had to move forward, I just couldn't just sit there like a petrified chicken. I finally got over the fear when I thought, (I mentioned this a couple times already on this board) What's the worst that can happen? Croak during the surgery? Well I won't be around to find out now will I? I survived but not without a lot of pain for a while.

You wanna know how I feel now? At peace. And having the ability to have emotions are about the best two gifts I could get as a reward for the crappy life I had before.

Cindy 

I've read this sort of thing before....a have a friend who wants to look female physically female and she wants her body shape to look female, just like the rest of us Male to females...

The U.K NHS psychiatrists then told her she was 'body dismorphic' because she wanted a female shape, which was very foolish of them......and they were unable to understand the concept of what a gender transition involved......they wanted her to have psychiatric intervention in other words emplying she was nuts because she wanted to look female.....how incompetent is that..

I also want a female body and that isn't what I've got and it's very dispressing when you have been on hormones as long as I have. But I'm not about to give up yet...

Quote from: Nero on December 20, 2007, 05:45:42 PM
How much somatic dysphoria do you experience?

Both very much and very little. On the one hand, I am thoroughly convinced that my body feels wrong, and this feeling has existed since before puberty. It's not just one or two clearly defined features, either, unless you want to consider the Y chromosome that way.

On the other hand, there is very little actual dysphoria. I think this is partly because it's not just about some easily fixable details: there's no way I can have all of it corrected, so half-way measures don't attract me that much. I suspect my relative lack of social dysphoria helps, too.

  Nfr

None of the above, more like vague dislike spawned from jealousy of my sister, these days I don't really give a toss.

Well, ideally, I'd be 5'8", have a longer waist, broader shoulders and much slimmer hips. Oh, yeah, -and the appropriate genitals.

However, I don't really have too many issues with my body. I'll eventually have top surgery so I can kind of relax about my upper body. Nothing that exercise and treatment can't fix to my liking.

The thing that really bothers me most is my genitalia. Like.. I'm capable of enjoying my vagina for sexual purposes but the idea that it's connected to a uterus and ovaries really freaks me out. I have more of a problem with not having a penis than I do with having a vagina but even still - the penis thing is a really big deal for me.

I hated my entire body.  All better now too ;)

I never hated my body but I sure regretted that it was mine and it wasn't female.  For 46 years I was not happy with it but lacking any real alternative back then, I tolerated what I did not like.

Now that I have been on HRT since 2002 and on injectables since 2003 I have had what I consider to be wonderful feminizing results.  I need GRS to finish my transformation and transition.  I tried to get rid of that part once and ended up in the emergency room.  I'll leave it to a proper surgeon to fix that.

Wing Walker

Me don't know how to hate anything, but I was a very sad, depressed, and sick suicidal person before I began a new life as Cindy. I love this life, it's something new everyday to discover and experience and I now truly have the gift to love and care for another. Life is just so very precious.

Cindy

"Genitals" for me.

Just wish I was not going Bald.

Alice

Hum,

I have hated my genitals since as far back as I can remember...there was also a period of some self mutilation that was carried out on a particular body part...

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

Quote from: Pia on December 31, 2007, 05:18:05 PM
"Genitals" for me.

sounds like an advert....

Hi Isabelle
Yah I have often wished that part of my body wasn't there and have had the occasional thought of removing it, but by then I already knew about the surgeon and that the surgeon needed all of those spare parts to build a neo vagina. I also had on many occasions thought about suicide but even though I don't go to any church the thought that there may be such a place as hell was enough to deter me from doing it. I was a chicken liver I guess, and it was all in my favor. I was anorexic though for some years which I came close to killing myself. Then I finally made it to full time, and I now find life so precious I don't want to loose one second of it.

Cindy

Quote from: cindybc on January 01, 2008, 06:20:22 PM
Hi Isabelle
Yah I have often wished that part of my body wasn't there and have had the occasional thought of removing it, but by then I already knew about the surgeon and that the surgeon needed all of those spare parts to build a neo vagina. I also had on many occasions thought about suicide but even though I don't go to any church the thought that there may be such a place as hell was enough to deter me from doing it. I was a chicken liver I guess, and it was all in my favor. I was anorexic though for some years which I came close to killing myself. Then I finally made it to full time, and I now find life so precious I don't want to loose one second of it.

Cindy

Hey Cindy,

Actually hating that particular body part isn't that uncommon of a thing in our community and yes, all that piece of useless flesh is needed for SRS. That didn't stop my self mutilating ways when I was younger. Luckily nothing I ever did cause permament damage...not that I didn't hope it would! Oh well, life goes on and hopefully I'll be able to get my SRS at either the end of 08 or early in 09; so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as they say.

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

I just hate my gender specific parts as I have been lucky in that my hips, stomach, bum etc look male anyway. Torso very straight, not curvy and I did weight lifting from the age of about 14 which bulked my shoulders, back and forearms, not upper arms (biceps) though although I am now working on them since going on T, even though I am not a big person makes me look like a small bloke.

Hi Isabelle
That is the truth, I could never get to hating enough to hurt anything people animals things, what ever.  But those things down there I did find and thought to be ugly, I was repulsed by them, but never enough to actually attempt  self removal, probably bleed to death anyway. I kept the little suckers safe and sound and intact for the surgeon. Now they go bon voyage. Let's stay in touch hon I have a feeling we could contribute some to this board. 

Cindy

Quote from: cindybc on January 02, 2008, 07:35:13 PM
Hi Isabelle
That is the truth, I could never get to hating enough to hurt anything people animals things, what ever.  But those things down there I did find and thought to be ugly, I was repulsed by them, but never enough to actually attempt  self removal, probably bleed to death anyway. I kept the little suckers safe and sound and intact for the surgeon. Now they go bon voyage. Let's stay in touch hon I have a feeling we could contribute some to this board. 

Cindy

Hey Cindy,

Self mutilation is just an expression of anger inwards. It can be a cry for help, an expression of one's feelings about a particular body part, or a number of things. Self mutilation can take many forms, from cutting, burning, to just about anything. Most self-mutilators are people who would never even think of hurting another...they only truly ever hurt themselves....of course there are exceptions to everything...but in general. Here is a brief definition of self-injury/harm:

Self-injury (SI) or self-harm (SH) is deliberate injury inflicted by a person upon his or her own body without suicidal intent. Some scholars use more technical definitions related to specific aspects of this behavior. These acts may be aimed at relieving otherwise unbearable emotions, sensations of unreality and numbness. It is listed in the DSM-IV-TR as a symptom of borderline personality disorder and is sometimes associated with mental illness, a history of trauma and abuse, eating disorders, or mental traits such as low self-esteem or perfectionism. There is a positive statistical correlation between self-injury and emotional abuse.[1][2] Non-fatal self-harm is common in young people worldwide [3] and due this prevailance the term self-harm is increasingly used to denote any non-fatal acts of deliberate self-harm, irrespective of the intention.

The items in bold are items that I have had problems with in my life and have actually been identified a number of times by different therapist as to why I do this to myself....hum...I see a new thread on eating disorders coming....

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

Quote from: Isabelle St-Pierre on January 02, 2008, 10:28:15 PM

Quote from: cindybc on January 02, 2008, 07:35:13 PM
Hi Isabelle
That is the truth, I could never get to hating enough to hurt anything people animals things, what ever.  But those things down there I did find and thought to be ugly, I was repulsed by them, but never enough to actually attempt  self removal, probably bleed to death anyway. I kept the little suckers safe and sound and intact for the surgeon. Now they go bon voyage. Let's stay in touch hon I have a feeling we could contribute some to this board. 

Cindy

Hey Cindy,

Self mutilation is just an expression of anger inwards. It can be a cry for help, an expression of one's feelings about a particular body part, or a number of things. Self mutilation can take many forms, from cutting, burning, to just about anything. Most self-mutilators are people who would never even think of hurting another...they only truly ever hurt themselves....of course there are exceptions to everything...but in general. Here is a brief definition of self-injury/harm:

Self-injury (SI) or self-harm (SH) is deliberate injury inflicted by a person upon his or her own body without suicidal intent. Some scholars use more technical definitions related to specific aspects of this behavior. These acts may be aimed at relieving otherwise unbearable emotions, sensations of unreality and numbness. It is listed in the DSM-IV-TR as a symptom of borderline personality disorder and is sometimes associated with mental illness, a history of trauma and abuse, eating disorders, or mental traits such as low self-esteem or perfectionism. There is a positive statistical correlation between self-injury and emotional abuse.[1][2] Non-fatal self-harm is common in young people worldwide [3] and due this prevailance the term self-harm is increasingly used to denote any non-fatal acts of deliberate self-harm, irrespective of the intention.

The items in bold are items that I have had problems with in my life and have actually been identified a number of times by different therapist as to why I do this to myself....hum...I see a new thread on eating disorders coming....

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

Please do the thread on eating disorders, hon. A lot of us can relate to you, but are more shy about our pain.

Quote from: Nero on January 02, 2008, 10:35:37 PM
Please do the thread on eating disorders, hon. A lot of us can relate to you, but are more shy about our pain.

Hey Nero,

Just what you trying to say here?? I'm hurt...I'm mortified...horrified...you saying I'm too open with the crap that has happened to me in my life?? I'm going to slink off to the corner and lick my wounds...oh OK...I'll start yet another heavy depressing, thread...I'm going to get a bad rep for all these heavy threads at this rate!

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

PS Look for the new thread either later to night or tomorrow morning some time

Quote from: Isabelle St-Pierre on January 02, 2008, 10:48:40 PM

Quote from: Nero on January 02, 2008, 10:35:37 PM
Please do the thread on eating disorders, hon. A lot of us can relate to you, but are more shy about our pain.

Hey Nero,

Just what you trying to say here?? I'm hurt...I'm mortified...horrified...you saying I'm too open with the crap that has happened to me in my life?? I'm going to slink off to the corner and lick my wounds...oh OK...I'll start yet another heavy depressing, thread...I'm going to get a bad rep for all these heavy threads at this rate!

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

PS Look for the new thread either later to night or tomorrow morning some time

Oh sweetheart, I don't know if you're joking or not, but my comment was in admiration of your openness. So many of us have been through the same things, but are afraid to speak, afraid to heal. What I'm saying is, I admire your courage and you are a help to many who will not speak.

Hi Isabelle

Quoteunbearable emotions, sensations of unreality and numbness.

Yes, I am familiar with this one in particular. You know how some people cut? I used an ice pic, no scars or copious amounts of bleeding. It wasn't until after I came out of hiding in a bottle of booze For a lot of years I hid a haze of alcohol. It wasn't after I put the cork in the bottle I discovered I was by-polar. This and along with my other psychological problems I hid in a world where I could not feel pain or anything else. Anyway that is part of what I believe I mentioned briefly before. I had forgotten about the ice pic part. Piercing the inside of my hand just to feel something to see I I was still alive.  I like I was dead inside, I would rather stop there at this time.

As for my eating disorder that was a couple years where I had gone full time as Cindy full time. I should have known something was not right. I use to do some things for this aging lady where I was living, I found that I just didn't have the strenght to do anything that was physical. It was Wing Walker that noticed something was wrong and asked me to step on a scale. 85 lbs She arranged t get me up to DC to live with her for a while.

Cindy   

Quote from: Nero on January 02, 2008, 10:58:32 PM

Quote from: Isabelle St-Pierre on January 02, 2008, 10:48:40 PM

Quote from: Nero on January 02, 2008, 10:35:37 PM
Please do the thread on eating disorders, hon. A lot of us can relate to you, but are more shy about our pain.

Hey Nero,

Just what you trying to say here?? I'm hurt...I'm mortified...horrified...you saying I'm too open with the crap that has happened to me in my life?? I'm going to slink off to the corner and lick my wounds...oh OK...I'll start yet another heavy depressing, thread...I'm going to get a bad rep for all these heavy threads at this rate!

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

PS Look for the new thread either later to night or tomorrow morning some time

Oh sweetheart, I don't know if you're joking or not, but my comment was in admiration of your openness. So many of us have been through the same things, but are afraid to speak, afraid to heal. What I'm saying is, I admire your courage and you are a help to many who will not speak.

LOL...sorry Nero...my smart ass, cynical, sarcastic little ol' me strikes again...yes...I was only joking! It takes a lot to offend me...if anything I tolerate too much crap in my life from others...but then that is the very part of my personality that allows other's to abuse me...working on it!!

Not sure if I would call it courage...I have this terrible problem of not having a filter between my mind and what comes out...it has led to problems in the past to be honest...

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

Quote from: Renate on January 03, 2008, 02:44:25 AM
Jeez, Isabelle, I feel jealous.

I mean, I'd like to start a reallly depressing topic too and be all open about it, but I just don't have the issues.

:laugh:

Renate

LOL I guess some of girls just have all the luck! You're saying you don't have any issues??? Hum...want some of mine?? I have far more then it seems fair for one girl to have...I really should share more!

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

I HATE all the gender specific parts.

Is this answer just for the sexual parts?

I voted this answer anyhow.. I used to not be able to deal with even looking at them.
However since finding all the options available to me I have decided to live with them and not get to down about them as soon they will be gone hopefully! ;D

I wouldn't say I hate my whole body because it is female.
I just hate the sexual parts which define that I am female....