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Okay I want to put this to the community and see everyone's opinions on this. I am trying to teach my kids not to call things gay or say it's gay. Well tonight before work they were getting punished for being mean to each other by hugging and holding hands. Keep in mind to 11 year old boys. When they had to hold the others' hand one said "I don't want to hold his hand, it's gay!" I quickly walked in and tried to correct them and my roommates quickly turned on me. They said "oh but it is gay holding hands as two boys." and other things which I didn't have time to argue. In my mind holding hands, kissing, or hugging doesn't make something gay if the same gender people do it. I have seen this in Europe and it is acceptable. If you are friends and want to hold hands and?! So is it acceptable for someone to say "it's gay" in this context? I already taught my boys it's not acceptable to do it as slang for things. Give your opinions I want to hear them. Also there are times that they may do this at school like red rover game and it's not considered gay then. I know they are siblings but, still.

I've never liked the word gay used that way. A couple of Tyler's friends will say " that's so gay" or call the other "fagot". When that happens my brother tells them he doesn't want to hear that in his house. It bothers him because other kids called me gay and fagot growing up. Tyler has always been affectionate with me. When my uncle would see that he would make the comment that it was "gay".  Once my dad told him to stop being such a dick and for someone who was supposed to be straight he sure knew a lot about what was gay and what wasn't.

I think it's more important to address the context behind the use of a word. There's another important thing people are no longer teaching their kids any more that I was taught: "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you". Teaching resilience to words is just as important as teaching kids the better use of them.

As a kid my friends used the word gay to refer to both actual homosexual things, and also things that were "crap". Being a kid myself I used the word as well in the same way. There wasn't any malice behind it on my part. I didn't know any gay people and I didn't dislike them. The word gay was slang I picked up like a sponge like all kids do.

Most of the time kids are just aping what they hear from others. Rather than tell them "it's wrong" to think or say something, tell them why it's not necessarily accurate to think or say something, explain why, and ask them if they agree... but not in a"do as I say" way. My parents almost never told me something was outright "wrong" because that tended to have the effect of making whatever that was more "fun" to do. Instead they would explain why it wasn't accurate and asked me what I thought, like an equal. (They also put emphasis on respecting thought and intelligence, meaning to impress them I wanted to avoid looking stupid, and so I would gravitate toward trying to be smart). If I did something bad they would ask me quietly but firmly why exactly I had chosen to do it, and in that sense there was no escape from thinking about the consequences of my actions. The result was I grew up a thinker, they never had to raise a hand against me, and I don't tend to throw words like gay around without a reason.

What about a particular Christmas song with lyrics "let us son our gay apparel"? The word "gay" once meant happy, or full of joy. When kids use the word gay in a disparaging way, you know they learned it from their parents.
When I was growing up, sure, some kids called me gay, but more called me a girl.

I could care less. I use gay all the time. Lol


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A few years ago, some of the teams in the bastion of masculinity, pro football, held hands in the huddle. It was a sign of teamwork, of unity. I think if it hurts someone, it isn't cool to use it. Screw 'political correctness' it is a matter of being rude verses being respectful and polite.

There was the Gay 90's which referred to the 1890's and once a man might be referred to as gay meaning lighthearted and carefree. What it boils down to is the state of mind were somebody has to talk bad of another person. The rule if you can't say something good about a person, don't say anything at all should apply.

Frankly, I have a lot of gay friends and the word gay, queer, fag, queen, bent etc. is thrown about all the time between them. Also between them and their straight friends as well sometimes. It would be somewhat hypocritical to say only some people should be allowed to use some words, wouldn't it? So far as I see it, context/intent, not the words themselves are what's important.

Yes, I think it's acceptable as long as it's not meant to hurt anyone. But then I think it should be allowed regardless of intent.

I use the word "gay" about actions and things that are not relating to sexuality all the time. I am gay and because I think it's okay for me to do that, then I also think it's equally okay for everyone else to, whether they are gay or not themselves.