Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm just starting out the transition process - not on T yet. The more I talk with the psychologist, the more comfortable I'm becoming in accepting this about myself. The problem is that as I become more aware of being trans, I'm feeling less comfortable in female locker rooms and bathrooms. I feel like I should wait until I'm actually on T before using the men's change room at the gym. (especially as a legality issue) What about you? When did you make the change to the other washroom.

Quote from: deanAB on March 17, 2018, 05:07:13 PM
I'm just starting out the transition process - not on T yet. The more I talk with the psychologist, the more comfortable I'm becoming in accepting this about myself. The problem is that as I become more aware of being trans, I'm feeling less comfortable in female locker rooms and bathrooms. I feel like I should wait until I'm actually on T before using the men's change room at the gym. (especially as a legality issue) What about you? When did you make the change to the other washroom.

DeanAB:  If you are going to the gym presenting yourself convincingly as a Male then I think that you might use the male washroom and also the male change room, but obviously you need to be very careful particularly when changing. 
If you appear to be nervous or lack self-confidence when in those male areas then it is a dead give-away.... so you need to boldly go in with self assurance and confidence.....   if that is NOT what you feel that you can do then perhaps skip the changing area and washroom if you can... or until things change more with your transition you might for now just go to the gym in female mode and go to the female areas. 
You have to be the judge of all of this
Good luck and wishing your well.
Danielle

Hi Dean  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

Hello Dean, I see that you are new here and have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.

WELCOME to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others about your transition and to read about others transitions and their trials, tribulations, and successes in their transition journey. 
It is nice that you have signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have a successful moment in your journey you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. You might even find that you will make some new friends here.  Please come in and get involved at your own pace

>>>Since you are new here it would be great if you could go to the Introductions  Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) and tell us about yourself and your transition goals.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle
***Please be certain to look at the LINKS to the site rules and important information about Susan's that  V M posted earlier, it will be of a big help to you in finding your way around here. 
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To add to what others have said- do be aware that the legal picture is different from country to country and (in the US) from state to state. The social picture is different too and may not always line up with the law! For example here in the UK bathroom use etc is a matter of self-identification according to law, but as a pre-everything MTF who doesn't yet pass I'm not about to go change in the women's locker room, much less use the communal showers.

I totally know what you mean about discomfort. My local yoga studio is a big part of maintaining my sanity, except for that few minutes before and after class when my brain is just a whirlwind of 'get me out of here', and I have a mental map of every unisex bathroom at my university. I would feel so much happier using the women's, but the last thing I want to do is make other women uncomfortable. (I don't care about making cis-men uncomfortable, lol.)

Workarounds for your workout: arrive in your gym clothes and sidestep the issue? If you think your gym is TG-friendly, perhaps explain your situation and ask if there's anywhere you can change privately?

Quote from: Jamina on March 17, 2018, 06:43:42 PM
To add to what others have said- do be aware that the legal picture is different from country to country and (in the US) from state to state. The social picture is different too and may not always line up with the law! For example here in the UK bathroom use etc is a matter of self-identification according to law, but as a pre-everything MTF who doesn't yet pass I'm not about to go change in the women's locker room, much less use the communal showers.

I totally know what you mean about discomfort. My local yoga studio is a big part of maintaining my sanity, except for that few minutes before and after class when my brain is just a whirlwind of 'get me out of here', and I have a mental map of every unisex bathroom at my university. I would feel so much happier using the women's, but the last thing I want to do is make other women uncomfortable. (I don't care about making cis-men uncomfortable, lol.)

Workarounds for your workout: arrive in your gym clothes and sidestep the issue? If you think your gym is TG-friendly, perhaps explain your situation and ask if there's anywhere you can change privately?

Jamina: You have made some very good points. 
Thank you for sharing regarding this delicate situation that many transgender transitioners will face.
Danielle

Quote from: Jamina on March 17, 2018, 06:43:42 PM
To add to what others have said- do be aware that the legal picture is different from country to country and (in the US) from state to state. The social picture is different too and may not always line up with the law! For example here in the UK bathroom use etc is a matter of self-identification according to law, but as a pre-everything MTF who doesn't yet pass I'm not about to go change in the women's locker room, much less use the communal showers.

Workarounds for your workout: arrive in your gym clothes and sidestep the issue? If you think your gym is TG-friendly, perhaps explain your situation and ask if there's anywhere you can change privately?

Thanks Jamina - I arrive ready to go already but need to put my winter jacket and boots into a locker. It'll be better once spring ever starts (it's still snowing). The Dr said he would be giving me a letter to carry around if there ever is any issues, doesn't help much if it's not the cops that are confronting you at first.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 17, 2018, 05:26:46 PM

DeanAB:  If you are going to the gym presenting yourself convincingly as a Male then I think that you might use the male washroom and also the male change room, but obviously you need to be very careful particularly when changing. 
If you appear to be nervous or lack self-confidence when in those male areas then it is a dead give-away.... so you need to boldly go in with self assurance and confidence.....   if that is NOT what you feel that you can do then perhaps skip the changing area and washroom if you can... or until things change more with your transition you might for now just go to the gym in female mode and go to the female areas. 
You have to be the judge of all of this
Good luck and wishing your well.
Danielle

If it weren't for the obvious boobs, I don't think I'd have an issue with presentation in just a tshirt or the confidence. I don't see me working out in a binder, it's hard enough to catch my breath without one! ;)

Hi, Dean.

The usual guideline for using washrooms is to go to the one that most closely matches your presentation.  When I was part-time, I had to do a quick presentation on the way check to remind myself which one to use:  "Oh, yes, skirt, I guess it's woman's today."  Once the T starts your facial hair growing, then use the men's room for sure.

Locker rooms are a different story.  I just avoid them until I've had surgery.  The consequences of being "read" in that situation are not good.

Depends on how well you're passing, some people can pass well before T/surgery and others have trouble with it. But if you are passing at least 50% of the time I'd switch to the men's bogs, you'll have less potential trouble that way than if someone thinks you're a man using the women's...

To me it's more about how you're being seen that takes priority, if you want to avoid any hassle.

Quote from: deanAB on March 17, 2018, 07:29:04 PM
Thanks Jamina - I arrive ready to go already but need to put my winter jacket and boots into a locker. It'll be better once spring ever starts (it's still snowing). The Dr said he would be giving me a letter to carry around if there ever is any issues, doesn't help much if it's not the cops that are confronting you at first.

@ Dean:  I am glad to see, that as you should, you are being quite careful with your approach. 
As I mentioned in my earlier reply ...  if you choose, you need to present yourself very convincingly as a Male, and go with confidence and self-assuarnce..... and have that Doctor's letter in your pocket. 

Also look over Jamina's suggestions again... she has some very good points.

In addition, Kathy Lauren gave some good suggestions in her reply.
Danielle