Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Mine was when I was 16 years old and it was pretty awful. My dad and his friends play cards 2-3 times a month. I don't know why, but one of my dad's friends brought his son one night. The guy was named Kyle and he was 18. He and Tyler weren't wanted in the card game and weren't allowed to play so they were going to play video games. I was in the kitchen cooking food for the card game which I always do. Kyle came into the kitchen and introduced himself. I introduced myself and he took my hand but he didn't shake it. He did that thing guys do when they shake a woman's hand. Kind of holding it a second and giving it a gentle squeeze. He smiled and said " very nice to meet you Jillian ". I cringed inside and told him my name was Julian. He said " oh, Julie Ann. That's really pretty". I knew he thought I was a girl and just wanted him to go away. Thankfully he did but about 10 minutes later he came back. I was standing at the stove and he came up behind me, put his hand on my back and told me it smelled really good. Then he told me I was really pretty and he took a piece of my hair in his hand and told me he really liked my hair color. I couldn't say anything. I was nearly in a full blown panic attack! Then he stroked my cheek and told me I had pretty skin. I was very close to having a total freak out! Yes I had fooled around with guys before but none of them had ever thought I was a girl. I had never been in that situation before and I found it very scary. Thank god he went back to the den to play video games. If I hadn't been cooking I would have just gone to my bedroom and stayed there until everyone left. I didn't even know how that could happen. I couldn't believe his dad had never mentioned me before! Jack's little gay son who looks like a girl. It seems like that would be a topic guys talk about! But evidently not. And this was before I started hrt. I was supposed to be a boy still at that time. I was wearing makeup and nail polish but I was totally flat chested and had no butt or hips. I looked like a yard stick with feet. How he thought I was a girl I don't know. But he did. Finally Tyler came into the kitchen to get a drink and he knew something was wrong just from looking at me. He asked what was wrong and I told him Kyle thought I was a girl and had hit on me. He asked if I was sure he thought I was a girl and I told him yes. So he said it was ok and that he would tell him I wasn't.

A couple minutes later I hear Kyle yell " WTF, she's a ## guy!" Then Kyle comes flying into the kitchen with Tyler right behind him. His face was totally red and he said " you're a ## guy??!! Why do you look like that and how do you sound like that?"  Then he asked Tyler " why is he wearing makeup and why is he so small??"  He was being loud and his dad came in there to see what was going on. Kyle pointed at me and said " that's a guy!" His dad said yes he knew that. So Kyle asked him why he hadn't warned him. He said because he hadn't thought it was important and he asked Kyle why it was such a big  deal to him. Kyle told him he had thought I was a girl and had hit on me. His dad asked him why he was hitting on me and Kyle told him because he thought I was a girl. His dad said it didn't make any difference if I was a girl or not and that Kyle had no business trying to mess with a 16 year old. He said he had told Kyle my dad had a 16 year old and an 18 year old on the way over. Kyle said he forgot about that and his dad said he didn't care if he forgot and that I was still only 16. Kyle eventually calmed down but he made sure not to come near me or even look at me the rest of the night.

That was an awful experience for me and it freaked me out at the time.

I didn't have anything that dramatic occur. There have been times I was walking or riding a bicycle, and having guys whistle and cat call. There have been times I'd apply for this or that, and the interviewer would ask just how long I had been living as a guy. Of course, I just had to be lying if I told them I was born that way. But then, kids I went to school with used to tell me I was always in the wrong restroom or locker room, every time I used one for the male gender.

Since my teens to my early 20s I had many people tell me that I'm a girl. Even though I surpressed my feminine identity. I had an old woman call me by a feminine version of my birth name, I had girls as little as 8 or 9 tell me "you're like a girl!" and ones around my age too. I had a gay boyfriend tell me I'm a girl before he dumped me... my sister would always tell me that too. What's confusing is she once said "you're different than other gay people".

It was kind of horrible. I really disliked those people for being so brash. Except my sister because she knew me the most and it did make sense.

Only recently, before hrt, was I passing as a "guy". But that really flared up my dysphoria and I had to transition.

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When I'm out and about, strangers typically seem to correctly gender me. It's people I actually know (mostly regular customers at my job) who keep using feminine pronouns for me, and call me by my birth name. I've worked at my job for nearly five years, so I was there a long time before I started my transition. Even though my apron very clearly has the name Liam on it, and I don't look or sound the same as I did 10 months ago. It's always awkward when a regular customer does that, and somebody was in line behind them overheard, and then looks at me like they're trying to figure out some puzzle.

There's a guy who comes in at least twice every day, and he calls me Liam but he doesn't seem to understand that I'm not a woman. I had top surgery recently, and the week before the surgery he overheard me talking with a co-worker about being excited for it. When he came up to the register he asked me if I was having plastic surgery, then said "you don't need that. You're beautiful enough already." I just kind of laughed awkwardly, and changed the subject. That's the most awkward misgendering thing I can think of that's happened to me.

It happened to me just yesterday. After all the progress I thought I'd made, with only one minor misgendering in months (quickly self-corrected when he got a better look), it really hurt. Cassie and I were out to lunch after my electrocution session, and while we were talking the manager walked up and asked, "Can I clear these plates, ladies?" Then he looked at me and said, "Oh, I'm sorry sir. I used to have hair like that once, too." I was stunned for a second, and Cassie jumped right in to correct him, with me joining in when I'd gathered my wits. He apologized and went away.

Granted, from his angle he couldn't see my women's shorts, bare legs, or even whatever boobage I have to show, but I guess it was finally the truck that I've been waiting to run me over since I went full-time. I wondered how I'd react to it when it happened, and it didn't go well. I held it together for a few hours until I got home, and then I let myself have a meltdown.

After I got back on mostly solid ground I got angry. Honest mistake or not, I felt insulted and disrespected, and gave a scathing review on the company's website. Maybe I'll get a free meal out of it, as if I'd ever go back...


- Stephanie

I don't have many embarrassing experiences to share, other than the look on my landlord's face these days (he used to try and chat me up and holy balls does he suck at it)

And in the first few weeks of transition being mistaken for a cigar smoker and running with it.

 I've been called a girl since I was young, because I looked, walked and acted feminine. It was natural. But when I was 19 walking home from the store one night a man from the store followed me out and said, "Hey girl would you like to go to a club tonight? I said no thank you as lightly as I could, then he asked if I would like to go out with him some time. In my deep male voice I told him I'm not who you think I am. He freaked out and said your a dude! He called me  few choice names out of embarrassment is my guess and jumped in his car and left. I was happy I passed without a skirt on, I was wearing makeup but I was afraid he might come back. I think what might have happened if we had gone out and he found out. I lived alone in California then.   

Mine was just weird from when I presented differently at different times. I was dressed male going into a bathroom in a Cracker Barrel  and a older guy tried to tell me I was headed to the wrong bathroom. "Hey this is the men's room." I looked at him and just said, "It's okay!" He looked stunned. The next day, I presented female and a waiter got me. "Can I help you ladies? Oh, sorry sir. We get all kinds of people in here during the summer. You should see." I let it go but left a note telling him that I am one of those 'kinds of people' and we deserve respect too. Idiot!

Moni! I just noticed the avatar. I love it! Preemptive fridge-sitting?


- Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 21, 2018, 11:39:45 AMAfter I got back on mostly solid ground I got angry. Honest mistake or not, I felt insulted and disrespected, and gave a scathing review on the company's website. Maybe I'll get a free meal out of it, as if I'd ever go back...

Oh my... escalation. I got an email from the regional director of the restaurant chain apologizing profusely, and asking for the time and date I was there so the problem could be addressed. He also asked for my address so he could send me something "to say I'm sorry and remind you how great <restaurant name> really is." I gave him my P.O. box instead of my home address in case it's something poisonous.

BTW, in essence my review had said that the manager had called me sir despite the fact that I am obviously a woman, and I couldn't recommend a restaurant where the management didn't show respect to their customers. Overdramatizing, perhaps, but emotions were running high when I wrote it. I took a more conciliatory tone with my reply to the director, but gave him the details he asked for anyway.



- Stephanie

My children are the most effective at causing me to be misgendered. I will be getting along perfectly, passing, and one of my kids "Dad!!! Dad!!!".  Gee, I really appreciate that kiddo. The whole store turns and looks at the woman being called dad :/. I was in the grocery store the other day with my 4 year old daughter on th bench, fixing some mess she made, and I'm practically pulling my hair out because I was a bit frazzled. Some lady saw what was going on and started talking to my 8 year old son to distract him, and she said "your mom has the most awesome purse!" (It's black with a day of the dead style Darth Vader head embroidered on it). So he said "that's my dad!" Very enthusiastically.

Yep, that was cool. I cried when I got in the car, I'm at that point where I pass 60-70% of the time, voice is starting to come together, and my kids don't quite get the impact of that one word.

Time will fix that. But for now it sucks.

Mine have probably been rather tame compared to others, and mostly awkward to the other parties rather than myself—but here's a sample.

In Las Vegas, when accompanying a client to a club I needed to use the toilet. The problem was that the toilets had attendants. Since I was on duty and dressed as a guy I walked to the men's room, but the attendant stopped me with a hand gesture and pointed imperiously at the ladies room, which was across the hall. The ladies' room attendant gave him a dirty look and said "No!" The men's room attendant gave her a dirty look back and said "Yes!" They then stood there glaring at each other until I mildly told them I didn't mind using either, as long as one of them would let me in.

When taking clients to hot springs I've also more than once been handed the women's locker room keys and loungewear, which invokes even more staff consternation when I'm forced to ask for an exchange. I'm yet to find a non-embarrassing way to say I need to accompany the male guests to to show them how to use the facilities, and also still happen to have boy parts.

Anyway, that's just a part of life, I guess.

Every now and again it happens. Mainly when I'm fishing or riding my motorcycle. In the summer it's all good cuz folks can see me, and see me in summer clothing (as little as possible here in FL lol) .
I gotta say tho, and I'll prolly get some flack here but it's my experience not anyone elses :) I find that when it does occur, it a high percentage of ethnic lean. By that I mean....hispanic men and  asian women always score a higher rate than others. It happened at physical therapy about a month ago with a new white female therapist. She sir'd me twice until I started sir'ing her back. I mean sheesh, a sport bra with the girls obvious, yoga pants and fresh nails.....wtf right ? At any rate, I know I can take a lot more time with my appearance and attire, but unless it becomes a burden to me emotionally I just don't care. My boo loves me and my daughter loves me, no one else matters really :)
My pics are here, and I posted some different types so folks here could know what I look like, and have a visual connection. My pics are neither the best I have, nor the worst (TG!!!)  lol
That's what I have to offer here...at 9 years post op and livin life.  I am who I am, and if someone has an issue....they can talk to someone who gives a ...well you know :)
Stay salty peeps, and ty for opening this topic.

And another thang !!!  lol I was NEVER in my memory treated as female growing up by anyone. Just not that pretty I guess  hahaha  I had the girl literally beat and hammered out of me as a young child (scars to prove it), and later worked like a mad woman to over compensate and be the person everyone wanted me to be. Until it drove me to addiction and hazardous lifestyle which almost killed me several times. No candy and stuffed toys for this one growing up :(  It's why I am so glad folks a lot of folks much younger than me have a reasonably fair chance at life these days. You young ones are VERY fortunate :) Sending......ONE Love :)