Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Degenderate on March 23, 2018, 03:53:34 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Came out to my Mom, mostly successfully?
Post by: Degenderate on March 23, 2018, 03:53:34 PM
Post by: Degenderate on March 23, 2018, 03:53:34 PM
After some really good advice and support from my partner and sister, I decided to let my Mom in on what I am and what my situation is (closeted, pre-everything trans man). As one would expect, it was hard as hell, but I tried to break it gently and with as much understanding as I could.
It mostly went pretty well to start. She was completely overwhelmed and shocked, but the first thing she did was sit beside me, put an arm over my shoulder, and tell me that she loved me. She had a catholic upbringing and lived in a fairly redneck small town, so she really had no idea what any of it meant - luckily, she respectfully asked a lot of questions, and was receptive, if not puzzled, by my explanations. For someone who didn't even know what dysphoria was, she did really great.
It hasn't been quite as awesome since then. She called me in tears the next day, after the shock had sort of fully hit her. She is having a really hard time digesting this information, and is terrified that she's lost her daughter and that our relationship will change, no matter how much I insist that I really am still the same person. She's very confused, because me and her have always been extremely close and very similar in personality, so she doesn't get how I could been so different in this one way.
And I get it. It's a lot to understand, and it's natural to be scared and confused. I'm trying as hard as I can to make a policy of being understanding and open - I want her to feel like she can be safe talking to me, and she won't have to worry about saying the wrong thing. But it's admittedly pretty hard. I'm going through a lot already coping with keeping this secret from everyone else, and it's tough to support her when I sort of feel like I should be the focus, I guess?
Anyway, sorry for the long post. It really is incredible that she is still so unconditionally loving and supportive - she was horrified by the idea that I thought I could lose her through this, and promises that she'll always love me no matter what. I know that she'll be less overwhelmed over time, and she can start learning more about how to understand and support me. I'm just anxious for her to not feel like this is a tragedy. :/
It mostly went pretty well to start. She was completely overwhelmed and shocked, but the first thing she did was sit beside me, put an arm over my shoulder, and tell me that she loved me. She had a catholic upbringing and lived in a fairly redneck small town, so she really had no idea what any of it meant - luckily, she respectfully asked a lot of questions, and was receptive, if not puzzled, by my explanations. For someone who didn't even know what dysphoria was, she did really great.
It hasn't been quite as awesome since then. She called me in tears the next day, after the shock had sort of fully hit her. She is having a really hard time digesting this information, and is terrified that she's lost her daughter and that our relationship will change, no matter how much I insist that I really am still the same person. She's very confused, because me and her have always been extremely close and very similar in personality, so she doesn't get how I could been so different in this one way.
And I get it. It's a lot to understand, and it's natural to be scared and confused. I'm trying as hard as I can to make a policy of being understanding and open - I want her to feel like she can be safe talking to me, and she won't have to worry about saying the wrong thing. But it's admittedly pretty hard. I'm going through a lot already coping with keeping this secret from everyone else, and it's tough to support her when I sort of feel like I should be the focus, I guess?
Anyway, sorry for the long post. It really is incredible that she is still so unconditionally loving and supportive - she was horrified by the idea that I thought I could lose her through this, and promises that she'll always love me no matter what. I know that she'll be less overwhelmed over time, and she can start learning more about how to understand and support me. I'm just anxious for her to not feel like this is a tragedy. :/
Title: Re: Came out to my Mom, mostly successfully?
Post by: Degenderate on March 23, 2018, 03:55:39 PM
Post by: Degenderate on March 23, 2018, 03:55:39 PM
Again, I should say that I am incredibly lucky to have such a good parent who will stick with me through this. A million hugs to the many many people out there that aren't as lucky.
Title: Re: Came out to my Mom, mostly successfully?
Post by: Stevi on March 23, 2018, 05:00:22 PM
Post by: Stevi on March 23, 2018, 05:00:22 PM
D,
Wow! I can relate. Many of my present feelings are echoed in your account. There is one thing that is different. Your mother is still communicating. Do everything you can to keep that going. It will be a tight-rope walk. Enough to draw her toward you and help her along. Not so much as to drive her away. Wish I knew the right blend.
All my hopes and prayers that t it goes well for you and you mother,
Stevi
Wow! I can relate. Many of my present feelings are echoed in your account. There is one thing that is different. Your mother is still communicating. Do everything you can to keep that going. It will be a tight-rope walk. Enough to draw her toward you and help her along. Not so much as to drive her away. Wish I knew the right blend.
All my hopes and prayers that t it goes well for you and you mother,
Stevi
Title: Re: Came out to my Mom, mostly successfully?
Post by: Degenderate on March 23, 2018, 06:17:29 PM
Post by: Degenderate on March 23, 2018, 06:17:29 PM
Thank you so much, Stevi, I will take that advice to heart.