Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone.   

I would love to hear and understand how MTF transgender individuals find ways to live a happy / comfortable life without full or social transition.   Is there anyone out there that lives this way?

My therapist and spouse are asking me to explore ways to integrate my feminine side into my life without transition, but I can't seem to find examples or stories.   I am early 50s, married with kids and a career.   Daily I wear stockings, underwear and a bit of undetectable make up.  I wear women's jeans on the week end.   I am about a year into laser hair treatments, including my face.  Even with this, I find I need to find time to be alone as a woman.  The feelings and need to do so seem like they are growing. 

My therapist says lots of older adults live happy lives and find ways to integrate or satisfy their femanine side, without full or social transition.   Can anyone share their stories and how they do it?

Feeling desperate.  Thanks.

Have you thought about going on HRT?  I haven't transitioned socially, but have been on HRT for about 2 months now.  I found I feel much more at peace now and don't really feel the intense urge to transition socially.  Not saying I won't ever transition socially, but for today I feel satisfied.  And for me, that's not a bad way to feel.

Well, this is exactly what I have been doing quite successfully for two years now. Lucky for me, I guess, I was born quite feminine in shape to begin with. Yes, I should have been born a girl. My childhood was hell because of my appearance, but starting two years ago I started HRT and have had some profound changes. I started nearly flat-chested. Now I am having a tough time hiding these full C-cups and my hips are suddenly growing nicely now in the last two months. I live as a soft, sensual, sexy female at home. But I am strictly male outside home (which again, is getting very tough with noticeable fully erect breasts all the time). I have had to toss out my tight pullover shirts that I loved. Only wear more bulky button-ups now. Yes, people notice a guy with boobs. I am getting better at ignoring the looks. Some days better than others. HRT has not affected my face much. Hopefully this year there will be changes. Otherwise, HRT has kicked my a**......all in good ways.

Is this a happy life? Well, considering where I came from it is. But I always say, with HRT be careful what you wish for!

I wanted some nice breast and hip growth. A nice change to my face, skin and overall feminine shape. But estrogen wanted me to have large breasts first before anything else pops up. But I will add, I no longer smell like a man. I now have that sweet feminine scent from HRT. Love it....

Of course, I live alone, so I can "live my dream" in the privacy of my home.

Quote from: Karen0366 on March 26, 2018, 07:16:15 PM
Hi everyone.   

I would love to hear and understand how MTF transgender individuals find ways to live a happy / comfortable life without full or social transition.   Is there anyone out there that lives this way?

My therapist and spouse are asking me to explore ways to integrate my feminine side into my life without transition, but I can't seem to find examples or stories.   I am early 50s, married with kids and a career.   Daily I wear stockings, underwear and a bit of undetectable make up.  I wear women's jeans on the week end.   I am about a year into laser hair treatments, including my face.  Even with this, I find I need to find time to be alone as a woman.  The feelings and need to do so seem like they are growing. 

My therapist says lots of older adults live happy lives and find ways to integrate or satisfy their femanine side, without full or social transition.   Can anyone share their stories and how they do it?

Feeling desperate.  Thanks.

Big hug! It's about finding your happy spot. For me that's the external characteristics of a woman with a mixed male/female identity. It took awhile to figure that out. Just give yourself time and take the steps that make you comfortable and happy.

Hugs, Devlyn

I consider myself a pretty happy person most of the time. I haven't transitioned fully in the sense that I'm not living full time as a woman. I have been on HRT for 10 years and lasered off my beard, but that is the extent of transition at this point. I get some stares from people due to the softening effects of HRT and no beard. I'm 40, but look like I'm in my 20's because of the softening effect. This may be a bit of a hindrance in my career, but I'm okay with that. My aspirations to run a company fizzled after my first run at owning my own business failed. 

My only transitioning plan at this point in time is to have an Orchiectomy, so that I can stop taking Spironolactone. I don't have a huge desire to live full time as a woman at this point, not that it won't change in the future. I don't feel as incongruent with my true self as I once did, mostly because of the HRT and beard removal,

It also helps that my wife and son are supportive. I'm happy at the moment, but still have my fair share of sad and hard times, but I don't feel that gender issues play as big of a role in my happiness or sadness as in the past.



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I'm on that plan. For lot's of reasons I'm choosing not to socially transition. I present feminine male; have long hair and wear 80-90% women's clothing. I rarely get correctly gendered, lol. I've been on mid/low dose HRT for over a year. Would I like to socially transition? Yes, truthfully. But I'm late 50's and I have a family, it's complicated - you've heard the stories, I'm sure. The political climate doesn't help. The HRT + therapy has helped my head tremendously. It's all about what you can tolerate. Good luck and know that whatever works for you is the correct thing to do.

I think I have a pretty good mix living on both sides.

I present male mode outside of the house for golf tennis and most social activities I myself alone or with my wife as a couple.

At home I present female all the time. In addition I get out of the house as Vicky probably on average twice a week.  I go to dinner, movies, shop, play golf and tennis, etc. you name it I do it.

I enjoy living on both sides. I'm lucky to be only 5 8 150 pounds with soft features.  I have had electrolysis and laser and have no beard or body hair.  I had a track shave and lip lift.  So I pass as female quite easily.  I get hit on at straight bars all the time.  But I can pass either male or female depending on how I dress and use makeup.

Just two weeks ago I started low dose HRT without any testosterone blockers.  I'm not sure I'll continue as I do not want to lose my physical strength as I play competitive club level golf.  And if you play golf distance makes a big difference.  I just have this desire to try it and see how things go.  I really don't want to leave my male life. But I have this strange desire to try HRT out and see where it goes.  Very excited about it.

Vicky, that sounds like a great life!  I am hoping to find that sort of balance for myself.

I agree.   Vicky, it does sound like you are in a good place.   Please tell us more about your journey, life and how you have done it.  Thanks for sharing.

Karen

Quote from: amydane on March 27, 2018, 04:56:38 AM
I consider myself a pretty happy person most of the time. I haven't transitioned fully in the sense that I'm not living full time as a woman. I have been on HRT for 10 years and lasered off my beard, but that is the extent of transition at this point. I get some stares from people due to the softening effects of HRT and no beard. I'm 40, but look like I'm in my 20's because of the softening effect. This may be a bit of a hindrance in my career, but I'm okay with that. My aspirations to run a company fizzled after my first run at owning my own business failed. 

My only transitioning plan at this point in time is to have an Orchiectomy, so that I can stop taking Spironolactone. I don't have a huge desire to live full time as a woman at this point, not that it won't change in the future. I don't feel as incongruent with my true self as I once did, mostly because of the HRT and beard removal,

It also helps that my wife and son are supportive. I'm happy at the moment, but still have my fair share of sad and hard times, but I don't feel that gender issues play as big of a role in my happiness or sadness as in the past.



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I'm 4 visits in to laser facial hair removal and have an intake appt. next week to discuss my gender issues with a therapist- as best as I can tell that's step one if you want any level of trans related medical care with Kaiser.  I had a few therapy appts last year "off the books" that confirmed I'm going to need to do some transition related things....

So question if you don't mind- after 10 years on hrt, starting at 30, isn't boobage an issue when presenting male?  I think I could hide a little development, which is likely all I'll get at 45, but it makes me angsty thinking about it- I want to go on hrt but I also need to present male for a few more years for work and family reasons.

Wondering why. I would think some transition to the point where they're comfortable. Not sure I'd leave anything off the table at the start, but might not do the full Monty either. Just see what happens.


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Quote from: amydane on March 27, 2018, 04:56:38 AM
I consider myself a pretty happy person most of the time. I haven't transitioned fully in the sense that I'm not living full time as a woman. I have been on HRT for 10 years and lasered off my beard, but that is the extent of transition at this point. I get some stares from people due to the softening effects of HRT and no beard. I'm 40, but look like I'm in my 20's because of the softening effect. This may be a bit of a hindrance in my career, but I'm okay with that. My aspirations to run a company fizzled after my first run at owning my own business failed. 

My only transitioning plan at this point in time is to have an Orchiectomy, so that I can stop taking Spironolactone. I don't have a huge desire to live full time as a woman at this point, not that iit won't change in the future. I don't feel as incongruent with my true self as I once did, mostly because of the HRT and beard removal,

It also helps that my wife and son are supportive. I'm happy at the moment, but still have my fair share of sad and hard times, but I don't feel that gender issues play as big of a role in my happiness or sadness as in the past.



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. 

Thanks for sharing.    How have you kept your body changes hidden?   I am really interested in HRT given what I've heard about mood and sense of self....I am worried about body changes being visible.  Would love them personally, but can disclose them or come out. 

Thanks

Karen

Quote from: Karen0366 on April 06, 2018, 08:03:27 PM
. 

Thanks for sharing.    How have you kept your body changes hidden?   I am really interested in HRT given what I've heard about mood and sense of self....I am worried about body changes being visible.  Would love them personally, but can disclose them or come out. 

Thanks

Karen

The only body changes that anyone else would notice other than softening of the face is the chest. When I started HRT I weighed around 155 lbs, and at 6 foot that is pretty thin. I have been able to hide my B cups with a good high impact racerback sports bra. I get mine from Forever 21.

When I gain weight, my boobs get bigger. I don't think I could hide anything bigger than the B cup, so I've got to watch my weight. Also, I can't really wear golf shirts, only button up or t-shirts. If I wear a t-shirt, I need a white undershirt. It seems to help hide any lines, and isn't as snug looking.

One thing I have to look out for is the random hug I will get from family, friends, or women co-workers. I am really insecure with hugs when I have a bra on, because I don't want the hugger to feel it when their hand is on my back.

If I know I am going to be somewhere with the huggers, I wear a compression shirt under and undershirt under a button up.

I hate swimming, because I have to wear a t-shirt over a good compression shirt. Getting out of the pool can be tricky, especially when the shirt is clinging.

Walking into the wind makes me a little self conscious as well, because it pushes my shirt against my chest.

I don't have even a moment of regret, except that I wish I had begun HRT sooner. For me the dysphoria is greatly reduced, and I am a much happier person.

I hope this helps Karen. Have a great weekend!

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Quote from: amydane on April 07, 2018, 10:17:57 AM

One thing I have to look out for is the random hug I will get from family, friends, or women co-workers. I am really insecure with hugs when I have a bra on, because I don't want the hugger to feel it when their hand is on my back.

If I know I am going to be somewhere with the huggers, I wear a compression shirt under and undershirt under a button up.


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I know in recent months that I can feel my breasts getting "smushed" when I get hugged (I don't wear a bra outside home). I know the hugger can feel my big lumps when they squeeze me too hard (always women, though). I sometimes wonder if they do it on purpose so that they can determine that my breasts are "real." My C-cups are quite visible so I think they are curious and just don't have the wherewithal (or guts) to just ask aloud. I hope they never ask, but I know the day is coming.

Last Christmas I was hugged by a young female family member who is very well-endowed and I could feel her endowments against my chest very well. I know she could tell that I had something extra too, as my breasts have become firm and erect, and they project outward quite obviously sometimes in certain shirts. I try to ignore the curiosity of others and hope they are not gossiping about me when I am not around, but I am sure they are...unfortunately.... ???

Quote from: amydane on April 07, 2018, 10:17:57 AM

The only body changes that anyone else would notice other than softening of the face is the chest. When I started HRT I weighed around 155 lbs, and at 6 foot that is pretty thin. I have been able to hide my B cups with a good high impact racerback sports bra. I get mine from Forever 21.

When I gain weight, my boobs get bigger. I don't think I could hide anything bigger than the B cup, so I've got to watch my weight. Also, I can't really wear golf shirts, only button up or t-shirts. If I wear a t-shirt, I need a white undershirt. It seems to help hide any lines, and isn't as snug looking.

One thing I have to look out for is the random hug I will get from family, friends, or women co-workers. I am really insecure with hugs when I have a bra on, because I don't want the hugger to feel it when their hand is on my back.

If I know I am going to be somewhere with the huggers, I wear a compression shirt under and undershirt under a button up.

I hate swimming, because I have to wear a t-shirt over a good compression shirt. Getting out of the pool can be tricky, especially when the shirt is clinging.

Walking into the wind makes me a little self conscious as well, because it pushes my shirt against my chest.

I don't have even a moment of regret, except that I wish I had begun HRT sooner. For me the dysphoria is greatly reduced, and I am a much happier person.

I hope this helps Karen. Have a great weekend!

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Thanks.   It sounds like you have a good routine in place!   

I have to wear a suit to work and would need to hide my chest.  What kind of compression st shirts do you use?

Would also love any advice concerning hiding your chest at home.  Worried about kids and don't want my wife to be uncomfortable or see until she wants to. 

Thanks.    Karen.

site:susans.org not fully transition - Google Search (https://www.google.com/search?num=40&safe=off&hl=en&biw=1314&bih=740&noj=1&gbv=2&ei=AzPJWrKLJ8PEsAXGq5-oCg&q=site%3Asusans.org++not+fully+transition&oq=site%3Asusans.org++not+fully+transition&gs_l=psy-ab.12...12825.15179.0.16669.2.2.0.0.0.0.86.170.2.2.0....0...1.1j2.64.psy-ab..0.0.0....0.HyaDxWGWJyg)  It's an avenue a lot of people pursue.

Quote from: Shellie Hart on April 07, 2018, 10:36:46 AM
I know in recent months that I can feel my breasts getting "smushed" when I get hugged (I don't wear a bra outside home). I know the hugger can feel my big lumps when they squeeze me too hard (always women, though). I sometimes wonder if they do it on purpose so that they can determine that my breasts are "real." My C-cups are quite visible so I think they are curious and just don't have the wherewithal (or guts) to just ask aloud. I hope they never ask, but I know the day is coming.

Last Christmas I was hugged by a young female family member who is very well-endowed and I could feel her endowments against my chest very well. I know she could tell that I had something extra too, as my breasts have become firm and erect, and they project outward quite obviously sometimes in certain shirts. I try to ignore the curiosity of others and hope they are not gossiping about me when I am not around, but I am sure they are...unfortunately.... ???

I'm jealous, I would love to have C cups. I can imagine it's really hard to hide them. I wish I didn't have to hide them, but for me at this point full time transition isn't something I feel like I need to be happy. 

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Quote from: Karen0366 on April 07, 2018, 01:54:50 PM
Thanks.   It sounds like you have a good routine in place!   

I have to wear a suit to work and would need to hide my chest.  What kind of compression st shirts do you use?

Would also love any advice concerning hiding your chest at home.  Worried about kids and don't want my wife to be uncomfortable or see until she wants to. 

Thanks.    Karen.

I had to try a lot of compression shirts before I figured our the right ones. I have three from Under Armor (a size smaller than my normal size) and one from a vendor I found online from China. They all work pretty well, but I prefer the sports bra.

I also wear dress shirts to work. With my lighter color shirts I have to wear the compression shirts. I how with the white compression with a white undershirt over it, with my light dress shirts. Summer can get pretty hot. Where I live it gets up to 115 several times per summer. Good thing I'm in the climatized office almost the whole time. During the winter I like to wear sweaters over my dress shirts, which help a ton to minimize the signs of a female chest.

It was hard on my wife at first, but somewhere along the way a switch flipped, and now when I have my shirt off, she wants to touch them (sorry, probably too much information). Don't get me wrong, she wouldn't go for my full time transition, but we will go on our girls trips together from time to time. I keep reminding her of the positives of having a transgender spouse. We can share clothes, we can go shopping together, and we can talk about more of a broad range of topics...

My son knows that I'm transgender and sees me fully dressed as a woman once a month, so it hasn't been an issue at all. He is turning 11 soon, and my wife and I made it a point to explain that I am transgender when he was six or seven. He hasn't had an issue with it yet, and I try to keep an open dialogue in case he ever has questions or issues.

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Quote from: amydane on April 07, 2018, 04:56:48 PM
I had to try a lot of compression shirts before I figured our the right ones. I have three from Under Armor (a size smaller than my normal size) and one from a vendor I found online from China. They all work pretty well, but I prefer the sports bra.

I also wear dress shirts to work. With my lighter color shirts I have to wear the compression shirts. I how with the white compression with a white undershirt over it, with my light dress shirts. Summer can get pretty hot. Where I live it gets up to 115 several times per summer. Good thing I'm in the climatized office almost the whole time. During the winter I like to wear sweaters over my dress shirts, which help a ton to minimize the signs of a female chest.

It was hard on my wife at first, but somewhere along the way a switch flipped, and now when I have my shirt off, she wants to touch them (sorry, probably too much information). Don't get me wrong, she wouldn't go for my full time transition, but we will go on our girls trips together from time to time. I keep reminding her of the positives of having a transgender spouse. We can share clothes, we can go shopping together, and we can talk about more of a broad range of topics...

My son knows that I'm transgender and sees me fully dressed as a woman once a month, so it hasn't been an issue at all. He is turning 11 soon, and my wife and I made it a point to explain that I am transgender when he was six or seven. He hasn't had an issue with it yet, and I try to keep an open dialogue in case he ever has questions or issues.

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Thank you !   Very helpful.   Please keep sharing.    I hope to get to your place of openness and acceptance at home. 

I cannot ever transition, and will never understand this "happy" delusion thing.
I am content and accepting that at 6'8" 250ish lbs I will never look like a female in any way shape or form.
I started taking Hormones over 14 years ago, 54 now, there has never been much change other than lessened hair growth and small breast growth.
I live my life as a giant intimidating man, however if I were less than 6 feet tall with smaller than size 16 feet I would transition in a heartbeat, world, family, friends be damned.
That is not an option though, so I just do the daily stuff I do, wear what I want beneath my male garb and at home and accept my incontrovertible lot in life with a grin and what I estimate to be a reasonably content outlook.
My wife, and some friends know and it's not been an issue...former wife blabbed to anyone who would listen and most thought she was full of crap, others who asked me got no denials, I have never been one to care much for the opinions of others.
My advice is you do what it takes to achieve a consistent level of contentment for you, most of the people at my local support group cannot imagine settling into a life like mine, I suspect neither would most here.
Regardless, be the you, you want to be, and don't let others dissuade you based on their petty wants and sensibilities.
absolute best hopes for you sustained mental stability in this quest.

Quote from: amydane on April 07, 2018, 04:30:17 PM
I'm jealous, I would love to have C cups. I can imagine it's really hard to hide them. I wish I didn't have to hide them, but for me at this point full time transition isn't something I feel like I need to be happy. 

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I can deal quite easily right now with hiding because I just don't try to notice the curiosity of others. I know they are looking, if not gawking sometimes. But it's worth the stress so that I can enjoy the nice soft sensuality of large breasts in the privacy of home. It's a new life now in that I have to sleep in bed much differently than months before. I have actually cut round holes in my mattress topper to accommodate my new chest. It works well. Very comfortable this way. I don't know for how long, as my breasts are growing very quickly now....again...

Quote from: cdtv4life on April 20, 2018, 08:24:54 PM
I cannot ever transition, and will never understand this "happy" delusion thing.
I am content and accepting that at 6'8" 250ish lbs I will never look like a female in any way shape or form.
I started taking Hormones over 14 years ago, 54 now, there has never been much change other than lessened hair growth and small breast growth.
I live my life as a giant intimidating man, however if I were less than 6 feet tall with smaller than size 16 feet I would transition in a heartbeat, world, family, friends be damned.
That is not an option though, so I just do the daily stuff I do, wear what I want beneath my male garb and at home and accept my incontrovertible lot in life with a grin and what I estimate to be a reasonably content outlook.
My wife, and some friends know and it's not been an issue...former wife blabbed to anyone who would listen and most thought she was full of crap, others who asked me got no denials, I have never been one to care much for the opinions of others.
My advice is you do what it takes to achieve a consistent level of contentment for you, most of the people at my local support group cannot imagine settling into a life like mine, I suspect neither would most here.
Regardless, be the you, you want to be, and don't let others dissuade you based on their petty wants and sensibilities.
absolute best hopes for you sustained mental stability in this quest.

Wow.  Thank you for sharing and for your encouragement.   

I can't imagine my wife blabbing my story.  I probably would do the same and not deny.   

You are a strong person for enduring what you are!

Hugs

Karen

Hi everyone. 

Since the beginning of this thread I have been to a gender therapist who has done 5 hours of interviewing and about 7 tests...tomorrow I found out his perspective.   I suspect one option is intense counselling...reparative like therapy and the other bare with it all or hormones.   I will let you know what happens. 

I have also kept up my laser treatments and have done 2 on my face....almost no black hair left, but lots of grey.  Electronics is nest.   

Thanks for all your sharing and advice    Please keep it coming

Karen

Karen

Thank you I look forward to reading the further advice you receive from gender therapist.

Just to let you know that I thought I could remain hidden just managing by living male outside and female indoors including clothes, make-up and bodyshaving but the dysphoria became too intense and like you I decided on therapy last year. My therapist and I both decided HRT to explore/confirm my transgender feelings.

As you can see, I have been on HRT for 10 weeks, I am feeling the emotional benefits and I await the physical ones with hope.

However HRT has increased my desire to become an intension to transition if/when physical changes happen.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Hugs

Pamela

I am on HRT since about 3 years, and only presenting as male.   I have no problems to hide chest growth (except at the swimming pool). My wife is accepting well. HRT really helps my dysphoria.

Quote from: Karen on March 26, 2018, 07:16:15 PM
Hi everyone.   

I would love to hear and understand how MTF transgender individuals find ways to live a happy / comfortable life without full or social transition.   Is there anyone out there that lives this way?

I have lived as both a woman and a dad without transition during the past 15 years. I am 54 yr old. I once tried HRT, but the doctor did not allow it as I am married, and with children.

I teach and lecture frequently, and have never met a serious problem. But the audience tend to look surprised when they start hearing my voice   :D :D In summer I wear bikini with my family in beaches.

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/790/41604832241_ae999a385f_z.jpg)
<I am chairing a session at a meeting held in San Diego, 2 yrs ago>

(https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5075/29917427502_b02cd557d7_z.jpg)
<Nearby beach>

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/9/8072/29403495804_8beb6c0fb7_z.jpg)

One of my friends is a professional photographer, and he sometimes takes nice photos for me. I enjoy it.

I am not quite sure whether I am happy, but I do not think I am unhappy. My two sons have grown up, and my little daughter likes to play with me. My wife is always supportive of me like my colleagues and friends.

barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on April 21, 2018, 12:38:50 PM
I have lived as both a woman and a dad without transition during the past 15 years. I am 54 yr old. I once tried HRT, but the doctor did not allow it as I am married, and with children.

I teach and lecture frequently, and have never met a serious problem. But the audience tend to look surprised when they start hearing my voice   :D :D In summer I wear bikini with my family in beaches.

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/790/41604832241_ae999a385f_z.jpg)
<I am chairing a session at a meeting held in San Diego, 2 yrs ago>

(https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5075/29917427502_b02cd557d7_z.jpg)
<Nearby beach>

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/9/8072/29403495804_8beb6c0fb7_z.jpg)

One of my friends is a professional photographer, and he sometimes takes nice photos for me. I enjoy it.

I am not quite sure whether I am happy, but I do not think I am unhappy. My two sons have grown up, and my little daughter likes to play with me. My wife is always supportive of me like my colleagues and friends.

barbie~~

Wow.  Amazing. And inspiring.   What kind of career do or did you have, and how has that played out?

Thank you

Karen

Hi everyone.   I am in a low spot today.   I have my therapist appointment, after 5 hours of assessment, and am worried about the outcome.  I am so exhausted from this Dysphoria, and related life stresses.   

Have any of you felt huge stress toward cis friends and spouses?  I feel supported, but I don't feel empathy or understanding.  My spouse and dear friend, both logical people, keep suggesting I need to keep an open mind, I am not ready to see you, this is hard for me...with no ability to relate to the massive turmoil I feel inside.   I am very empathetic to and regretful for what I am putting them through and that this is hard to understand if you can't feel it.  But, wholly crap is it frustrating and hurtful when the people closest to you can't empathize and try to tell you how to feel.   

Am I alone ?

Karen

I am a professor teaching and researching marine biology at a national university here. I already got a tenure position. Undergraduate students are very flexible and accepting, and are busy doing their own business. I currently stay with a few graduate students to whom I provide enough salary. Aged professors here tend to be conservative, but are intelligent and educated enough to understand ->-bleeped-<-. Yes. There have been a lot of bumps in the road, but my working and educating performance does matter, not my appearance. Once I posted my bikini photos taken at a beach in Facebook, and the university president called one of my colleagues, not directly me, and so on. Surprisingly, I once realized that most of more than 1,000 administrative staffs and faculty members seem to know me too well, which I never knew or expected. They seem to talk a lot about me in the absence of me, which I do not care  ;D ;D

barbie~~

Quote from: Karen on April 21, 2018, 01:13:47 PM
Hi everyone.   I am in a low spot today.   I have my therapist appointment, after 5 hours of assessment, and am worried about the outcome.  I am so exhausted from this Dysphoria, and related life stresses.   

Have any of you felt huge stress toward cis friends and spouses?  I feel supported, but I don't feel empathy or understanding.  My spouse and dear friend, both logical people, keep suggesting I need to keep an open mind, I am not ready to see you, this is hard for me...with no ability to relate to the massive turmoil I feel inside.   I am very empathetic to and regretful for what I am putting them through and that this is hard to understand if you can't feel it.  But, wholly crap is it frustrating and hurtful when the people closest to you can't empathize and try to tell you how to feel.   

Am I alone ?

Karen

People need time to digest and accept your change. It can take far longer time than you expect.

barbie~~

Quote from: Karen on April 21, 2018, 01:13:47 PM

Have any of you felt huge stress toward cis friends and spouses?  I feel supported, but I don't feel empathy or understanding. 

Am I alone ?

Karen I think you already know the answer to that!

Give them time everybody has processing to do!

I live in the "conservative South" (my town = google "NewnanNaziMarch" after adding spaces!) and while wife's lawyer put me thru sheer 'ell during our 2010 divorce hearing I've since found confidence and solace by using their own "unaccepting" bible against them!

. . . be not afraid of them, nor be afraid of their words, though briers and thorns are with you and you sit on scorpions.2 Be not afraid of their words, nor be dismayed at their looks, for they are a rebellious house. (not you! Ezekiel 2:6)

I've since got custody of both our kids (same judge), wife and I are together in same house again and point is once you've had your "harrowing experience" you'd be amazed how tolerant & accepting people can be once you overcome your own doubt & fears!!

Shame can also be a healthy thing use it to your advantage and, while pushing ahead ever slowly, "be all you can be"!

Thank you!

What a day.   Here's my therapist update, after 5 hours of interviewing and assessment. 

- severe case of gender Dysphoria
- at the 97 th percentile of anxiety level

Recommended

- joint meeting with my wife, which I agree
- more talk therapy and or
- testosterone blocker and
- anti depressant

And see how it goes. 

Don't know what to feel...validated, wanting to be me more than ever, are really scared. 

Any and all advice and love welcome.

Thank you all

Karen

Quote from: Karen on April 21, 2018, 01:13:47 PM
Hi everyone.   I am in a low spot today.   I have my therapist appointment, after 5 hours of assessment, and am worried about the outcome.  I am so exhausted from this Dysphoria, and related life stresses.   

Have any of you felt huge stress toward cis friends and spouses?  I feel supported, but I don't feel empathy or understanding.  My spouse and dear friend, both logical people, keep suggesting I need to keep an open mind, I am not ready to see you, this is hard for me...with no ability to relate to the massive turmoil I feel inside.   I am very empathetic to and regretful for what I am putting them through and that this is hard to understand if you can't feel it.  But, wholly crap is it frustrating and hurtful when the people closest to you can't empathize and try to tell you how to feel.   

Am I alone ?

Karen

Hi Karen

You are not alone , my partner is having a hard time accepting the fact I'm going to start taking hrt and keeps trying to persuade me to try other options. Deep down I know that I need to start therapy but I also feel really bad for putting her through all this and it makes me extremely sad and also alone. I hope for you me and others in this position that it will get better.

Hugs

Marie x

Quote from: Karen on April 21, 2018, 07:03:37 PM

Recommended
- anti depressant

Skip that last one lol unless spouse is in need?

Your body and how you feel/it responds is best "validation" don't mix it up again with "Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)"  ;)

Quote from: barbie on April 21, 2018, 01:26:00 PM
People need time to digest and accept your change. It can take far longer time than you expect.

barbie~~

Thank you.   I am and will work hard on giving love and gratitude.   I feel good about me and will take the time to do it right.

Thanks!

Quote from: cdtv4life on April 20, 2018, 08:24:54 PM
I cannot ever transition, and will never understand this "happy" delusion thing.
I am content and accepting that at 6'8" 250ish lbs I will never look like a female in any way shape or form.
I started taking Hormones over 14 years ago, 54 now, there has never been much change other than lessened hair growth and small breast growth.
I live my life as a giant intimidating man, however if I were less than 6 feet tall with smaller than size 16 feet I would transition in a heartbeat, world, family, friends be damned.
That is not an option though, so I just do the daily stuff I do, wear what I want beneath my male garb and at home and accept my incontrovertible lot in life with a grin and what I estimate to be a reasonably content outlook.
My wife, and some friends know and it's not been an issue...former wife blabbed to anyone who would listen and most thought she was full of crap, others who asked me got no denials, I have never been one to care much for the opinions of others.
My advice is you do what it takes to achieve a consistent level of contentment for you, most of the people at my local support group cannot imagine settling into a life like mine, I suspect neither would most here.
Regardless, be the you, you want to be, and don't let others dissuade you based on their petty wants and sensibilities.
absolute best hopes for you sustained mental stability in this quest.

There's a model that's 6'8 and trans. Can't remember her name. I'm 6'5 and thin for me would be 225. I think it matters to us, how we choose to live. I've seen cis women that don't look as good as I do and it doesn't stop them. It's a choice for us to express, but eventually, we shouldn't care what others think.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

Quote from: Kiera on April 22, 2018, 08:15:07 AM
Skip that last one lol unless spouse is in need?

Your body and how you feel/it responds is best "validation" don't mix it up again with "Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)"  ;)

Thanks Kiera. 

Interesting. I have had both arguments presented from different therapists.   One, don't use antidepressants and remain connected to your in dear self...and let it guide you.   And the second, use the antidepressants to help manage all the social / family related anxiety so I have a calmer mind, and start T blockers for the Dysphoria    And see if together they take enough of the edge off and avoid or delay social and physical transition.    My sense is I need to do the second given the level of anxiety I have been feeling and all of my family and work complexities.   Even if it buys me time to get closer to retirement. 

That said, I want to remain in touch with my female self...after 50 years of pushing her down. 

Always open to shared experiences and advice.   

Hey Karen,

Fear when starting the journey is normal.  I think that the hardest part of transitioning is self acceptance first, then acceptance from family and friends.  As for not transitioning, I think there are quite a few of people that continue to remain on HRT for a long period of time without choosing to go through a social transition.

I'm in my 30's, started HRT 3 years ago, had ffs, no facial hair, 5'7, 138 lbs, etc., and still live as a guy even if I can pass.  Mainly because HRT was enough for me to dissipate most of my dysphoria.  I think some may have stronger inclinations but I think it's very possible to live going further until you're comfortable.

Quote from: justarandomname2 on April 22, 2018, 10:35:37 PM
Hey Karen,

Fear when starting the journey is normal.  I think that the hardest part of transitioning is self acceptance first, then acceptance from family and friends.  As for not transitioning, I think there are quite a few of people that continue to remain on HRT for a long period of time without choosing to go through a social transition.

I'm in my 30's, started HRT 3 years ago, had ffs, no facial hair, 5'7, 138 lbs, etc., and still live as a guy even if I can pass.  Mainly because HRT was enough for me to dissipate most of my dysphoria.  I think some may have stronger inclinations but I think it's very possible to live going further until you're comfortable.

Thanks!    The acceptance is big, self, wife and friends I have told so far.   I know I just want to be me, and I don't want to hurt others...and I just want to be loved as me.   The idea that others have to transition too is so real, and transgender and gender Dysphoria are such foreign concepts for people.   It some times results in comments that try to affirm my birth sex or things that hurt.

It's quite a journey.    Thank you.  Karen

Quote from: Karen on April 23, 2018, 05:03:19 AM
> I know I just want to be me, and I don't want to hurt others...and I just want to be loved as me.

If you want to be you, aim for the future you visualize.  Minimizing others' pain is admirable but you also need to take care of yourself.  Our time is limited.

Quote from: Kendra on April 23, 2018, 07:13:23 AM
If you want to be you, aim for the future you visualize.  Minimizing others' pain is admirable but you also need to take care of yourself.  Our time is limited.

Thanks Kendra

You are so good at keeping me confident and inspired.  I think I need to do both, have a vision and belief, and take it one day at a time with confidence and ownership (to keep it manageable for me and others).

Hugs

Karen