Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I feel like I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself recently, I've been trying to ready myself to start presenting as female as soon as possible (make-up, wigs, hair loss, clothes), the main reason for this is seeing other trans women and cis women and wanting to look like them so badly, but recently, I've thought to myself, why am I rushing? I know I'm trans, eventually I'm going to present female for the rest of my life, there's really no need for me to do it right now.

Anyway, most of the trans people I see/meet are presenting as their desired sex (every trans person I seem to see/meet is further along in their transition than me).

I just wanted to ask, how far into finding out you were trans, or coming out as trans, did you decide to start living as your desired gender?. Any answers would be really helpful, I'm trying to reassure myself that I'm rushing this for no reason and to take my time and make sure I go about it correctly.

Hey Sinead, you really have to go at the pace you feel most comfortable. If that means wig, makeup, clothes, etc. then that's great!!

Personally, I'm back and forth a lot. I wore leggings out every chance I had a few weeks ago and it was nice. But it got colder (surprisingly) and went back to my usual tight fitting jeans. I also bundle up on top so I don't put too much effort there, unless I'm going to group or therapy.

I do wear eye makeup, gloss and some powder. Sometimes I'll add blush, foundation and contour. But it really just depends on my mood. Recently, I don't want to wear makeup at all. I've had a handful male clerks call me "sir, buddy, boss" and 2 female workers call me "he" (all when I don't wear makeup only). Also, I will say this is only within the past 2 or 3 days and I'm 6 months on hrt.

What you'll notice, if you haven't already, is that each thing you do you will want to see if it helps/doesn't help. Honestly, I've a rough few days because it's a lot to go through because I get very hurt when called "sir, buddy" or "he". I didn't today...

Sorry this is long winded but this is my experience so far.

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15 months after realizing I am trans and telling my wife and 6 months after starting HRT I did go full time.

In the early 15 months I gradually started wearing more female cloths and then exclusively...

I was about 7 months into hrt when I started I was scared nervous but happy with myself

I spent about the first 12 months after working out that I had GD and how badly it was affecting my life both past and present. I think once you work it out for yourself it becomes difficult to hold back. In my case I knew there was a way to make the GD lessen and maybe even stop...so what was holding me back? Passing, Confidence, permission? if so from whom? etc etc...questioning and second guessing myself.

Eventually I worked out where I considered my safe places were and presented myself as female at each of these places...once I overcame the initial giddy excitement of finally being me I was left with the practicality of it all. In my case I had to accept that I would always be seen as trans no matter what surgeries I had or how I presented myself. Once I got to this point there didn't seem much purpose in holding back. The only thing I really waited on was to have the correct official ID...once I had this then I went fulltime...which was about 18 months after coming out.

Hope that is of some help

Take care

Liz

I'm ftm. I have gradually changed my cloths for 10 years. Today I wear no womens cloths. I told my husband in October 2017. I will start seeing a gender therapist after summer 2018.

I pretty much live like a guy, but I have not changed my name yet. I'm not out at work yet. But will be this summer.

Not the real RLE yet, but I'm getting there. There is no rush. Take it in your own pace. You will go full time when you feel ready.


Tony

After I first came out, I started appearing in public as myself with my second therapist visit, roughly weekly, April 2016.  Soon after I spent the entire 'therapy day', or as much as I could get away with, out as myself.  I went full time 7 months later as soon as I started living on my own, on October 22, 2016.

So for me I started on meds in may of 2017. Came out to my wife in dec 2017
Started dressing partly fem in January 2018 and started on Estrogen in January
February 2018 dressing female every day but still had face hair.
March 2018 no more face hair bought a wig and make up and have been living and working  as a female for one month now and I've never been happier

Last day I presented male was 21st April 2017. Been gorgeous for almost a year now [emoji16]

I had been going out in public (except work and around my kids) for several months prior.

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I came out to my family sixteen months ago but known I was trans all my life. I've have been living full time for a little over a year now, pre HRT. I just gradually eased into it changing a few things here and there to let those around me get used to the new me.
Presenting as your desired gender isn't a binary act, it's something that evolves over time, so no need to put pressure on yourself unless you're ready. You're already transitioning, preparing, questioning, exploring. That's how it started with me.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

I admit that I was in a hurry to transition.  At age 61 when I started, I realized that I had already lived at least two-thirds of my life.  I wanted to waste no more time in my old gender role than I absolutely had to.

Starting from when I came out to my wife, I started HRT at 7 months and went full-time at 10 months.  I couldn't wait any longer: living as male while knowing I was female was an emotional strain and would have driven me crazy if I had kept it up any longer.

Megan and I are practically twins, because my full-time date was 20 April 2017, just one day before hers.  :)

I first went out in public in all fem clothes very shortly after telling my family. My wife and I drove to my brothers house in the city. I had on makeup and a wig that day. The first trip I made to my therapist I dressed in female clothing but no makeup or wig. That was only my second trip outside and the first by myself. I was sooo scared that day. From then on I began wearing women's jeans for my normal casual wear with tee shirts. Women's jeans were actually comfortable because they fit me properly. For my job I continued wearing my work jeans and uniform shirt. My work jeans fit so long as I wore them on my pelvis not on my waist. This was the way I had worn all my men's jeans for years. As a few months of HRT passed I would sometimes wear women's cut tee shirts but still in very neutral colors. Even today I have a hard time wearing any bright colors. I spent my life trying to hide in plain sight so it makes sense. Last July I was hurt badly at work. After that I went public and I always wear MY clothes. I do still like casual tee shirts. I need to get some more girly cut tee shirts for this summer though.

I started going out to clubs and outings with friends as my authentic self when I was about 20 years old . I officially went 100% full time a little after my 22nd birthday but by then most people knew me as my authentic self and my outings in male form were rare and stressful.

I know it is easy to get caught in a loop of self doubt or comparison to others,  but please know that each persons transition is a personal journey and there is no set time line of how long it should take you to transition or how you transition. Do what feels right for you .  Best of luck on your journey.

I began HRT in late July of 2017, and slowly started wearing more clothes leaning towards the androgynous side. I only had a few close friends who knew, as well as my wife, so I would present as female in front of them. In October for our Honeymoon we went to Disneyland and I presented 100% female then because we were not near anyone else we knew. It was late December when I had my first day fully dressed and presenting in my hometown area. Going full time actually was my New Year's resolution. I made a Facebook post finally coming out publicly to all of my friends and family who didn't already know. So I've been full time since January 1st of this year!

I started HRT in the beginning of 2016 and I did not start presenting until like a few months ago actually. I wear only woman's clothing, but it is kinda gender neutral such as skinny jeans/leggings and women's shirts. I do not wear dresses or skirts because of a silly fear. I basically pass 100% so not sure what I am worried about. Honestly, even if I didn't I highly doubt anyone would really care, as people are to busy with their own lives to judge.

Huh, I should probably take my own advice lol.

I could never picture myself in a dress. It's now my fave rite item to wear around the house and out   Even did a service call last week in my dress.

About 10 days after 8 turned 15, 3 years ago. Still not on HRT yet 😓 but working on that. haven't looked back since.

I tried putting it off 2-3 years in college.   Went through 4 purges even! lol.. that didn't work.. Then it started happening slowly (starting with a name change).  Around 1995, after that it was full speed ahead, never ever looking back.  I knew that if I looked back I might balk or get scared.  Even when things got rough (as they did from time to time) I just kept plugging forward.  I saved every last penny to get everything I needed.. no heat, very little food... all to complete what needed completing.  The final 'purge' was a house fire at my parents (Was living there temporarily) that burned EVERYTHING that was old, and all I had was me.   The real me.  No old photos, no before/after.  Just me, as a girl.. the way it should have always been.

One of my most endearing qualities according to my mother is being stubborn.. and that is the quality I needed to persevere.  I was incredibly stubborn and refused to look back.

Now I'm alot  prettier, married in a good relationship, and don't regret anything I did.. other than not doing it even sooner.  Life is like that though. 

Consciously it was about 5 or 6 years ago, but unconsciously I'd been doing it for decades. The only thing I didn't do was tell people I was male, until I officially started transition

Yeah you don't need to rush at all. Some people and some therapists gave me the impression that I should be starting RLE before HRT, or within 6 months of starting. But there's no right time to start, just start when you're comfortable.

For me, I was on HRT for 14 months before I started RLE! And then I kind of just went straight to full time with no part time in between.

2nd month into HRT is when i began wearing tight sexy unisex outfits and i timed this with my slow and steady weight loss. now 3 months and counting into HRT and still slimming down (goal is 140lbs/63.5kg) and already im full time wearing make ups and undergarments and really edging it outfits.

my workplace did warn me not to crossdress....out of respect for how people might treat me there. it's not like they'll fire me if i do......but they don't want any mess

i did experience the 'RUSH'  and i must say, reflecting upon it now, it's stupid. it was just the ego nagging ......i'm guilty of it .......and still am :(

If hiding behind my mask still counts as 'presenting' (cause I'm wearing girl clothes and bras and stuff in public) then I'd say about a few weeks after I thought I might be transgender.

I definitely rushed into things, but I think the pacing worked best for me; I've gotta take Makeup a bit slower while I work on my technique, but once I am comfortable with how I do that, the mask is coming off, baby!

I cant say I didnt cross dress or even think about it because I did (mostly when I was younger (the thoughts still cross my mind)) my current home life is not a very supporting environment (I still live at home and even though they dont know my folks well my dad is against everything Im trying to be so Im working on trying to get out so I can open up and be comfortable). I have done a few things to make me feel better, like getting my ears pierced (the only piercings I ever wanted) and I'm doing everything in my power to stop biting my nails (I even started wearing gloves (in my room) to help when I get the urge lol)

It depends on how comfortable you feel, if youre in a supporting environment then open up, if your not small things that make you feel better is the way to go.

For many years I stubbornly held on to the belief that I was simply a feminine leaning male, or as I learned more non-binary etc. I finally accepted that I am indeed a woman with the help of years of therapy and stopped resisting it. I wore women's underwear for most of my adult life, I had lots of fairly unisex clothes and male clothes that looked more on the feminine spectrum.

This epiphany occurred about October 2014, I immediately started presenting more feminine but still within my sort of urban tomboy style and started growing my hair out. By Dec 14 most of my male clothes were gone and I came out to my spouse and others. I started t-blockers in Feb 2015 and hormones a few months later. Socially I had already transitioned to my friends and began using my name.

Why the moving fast? I felt like I had my actual life to lead and felt like pulling off the band-aid quick was the best strategy for me. I think we all have different timelines and reasoning and I think we sometimes slow things down or speed them up from the original intention.

I'm not planning to present full-time for at least a year, but I've been out to my closest friends for two years, and these days all but one of my friends knows (and the only reason that one doesn't is because I just met him. I'll probably tell him soon-ish). I'm worried about losing my job if I'm outed at work, and my body's obviously masculine, so in public or at work I present as androgynous-male, which has been my style for 4+ years now. I wear makeup in public sometimes, but while still presenting as male; I'll wear girl jeans or shirts, jewelry, etc., but because it all has a vaguely gothic-punk look to it and it's still only an androgynous look, people tend to think it's cool rather than looking me as a cross-dresser or trans person. So, that's my compromise between being myself and feeling safe in public. I don't wear skirts outside but I do dress in girl-mode at home or at friend's houses if I'm in the mood for it or just feeling extra-dysphoric that day.

March 1 2018 and after thinking in December I would never pass I just said he'll with it.
I'm fine with my look and why worry about what other think. I'm just me everyday all day long

The sooner one starts a journey, the sooner one gets where you want to be. I thought the awkward "just starting phase" was hard. I wanted it over as quickly as possible because I am highly binary. I would hope that the "no reason to hurry" approach is not the fear speaking. It is legitimate to be afraid. If I were to suggest an approach it would probably be to take things a bit at a time. Challenge yourself at times, but when you need to give yourself a break, do so. Let's face it, there will not be a time later in your life when transition will be without fear or risk. Let me say that, as someone looking from the 'post' side of transition, life is pretty awesome living in the right gender. I think you are gonna like it. Oh, try not to compare yourself to others and their journeys. They earn theirs and you will earn yours.

I don't have a single date for this because my definition of desired gender changed over time.  Not because I was undecided (although I was previously), but because I decided to break transition into more manageable pieces and slide along a gender spectrum.  I switched to women's' jeans and had my eyebrows shaped during facial electrolysis two years before making more comprehensive changes.  For other clothing choices and hair style I went for colors and shapes that are more gender neutral.  I put up with a few odd looks but didn't care as I was working on things far more important than the opinion of a few that were clueless.  Several times for about a year, people I had just met asked if I was in a band.  And I said yes, how did you know?

My personal definition of desired gender continues to change.  I had GCS before carrying a purse on a regular basis.  Never tried female perfume, haven't had painted fingernails yet.

Quote from: RobynD on June 14, 2018, 12:40:18 PM
For many years I stubbornly held on to the belief that I was simply a feminine leaning male, or as I learned more non-binary etc.

That sounds familiar to me... I've spent years trying alternatives to just accepting I'm a woman; I think it just seemed too rare and difficult to be trans when I started out in this journey of thinking about my gender, a long time ago, and various things set me back or discouraged me. For a long time I also decided I was non-binary, but at the moment I just want to transition to female and just stop repressing my femininity (and my female sexuality) and see how I settle.

I do know I've compromised and repressed a lot, and would like to finally not do that. Maybe I will be a slightly non-binary or tomboyish woman, or maybe not. I was surprised and pleased when I spent a weekend with LGBT friends in a female mode last year and I asked a lesbian friend how I came across that weekend and she said very feminine, and classy and you pass well. It was a bit of a shock, but a nice one. Maybe she was being nice, but I think maybe especially once I start on the hormones I might turn out to be a pretty average woman really. I don't think, if I had just been assigned female, I would have spent years pondering about gender.

When I came out to my boss, I started to shift things into a more androgynous state.  I started HRT a month later and chose to start being addressed by my correct name at that point.  By Oct 2016, my legal information was officially corrected and I shifted EVERYTHING.  The year on HRT had changed enough to get me to 50/50 when being gendered and it was apparent that I was closer to correct than where I started from.

My therapist started the RLE counter for me at the point she knew my information had been officially affirmed correct (Dec 2016) because that is when I felt in agreement that the time actually had arrived.

I knew I was a boy as soon as I knew the distinction between genders and my life was like a game of musical closets after that. I found out that trans peple exist when I was maybe 8, I had already been presenting myself as male but didn't think much of it since it was just the way it was for me, but around 11 I was so worn down from the bullying that I rejected my identity and went back in the closet. I didn't come out again til 20 at which time I presented as male shortly but that same year due to living circumstances I had to go in again and didn't emerge til I was 23. I'll tell ya, it messed me up for a while finally freeing myself at age 20 only to lock myself away again and I was scared to come back out again after that in case the same cycle repeated itself. Luckily it hasn't this time :). but yeah, there's no rush. Do it when you feel ready and if you're in a place in life where you know that you can safely

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