Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Please discuss things that hurt about being TS.

Even though we're very close, I'll never be my daughter's "Mom".

Karen Lyn

for me, never being able to give birth to a child.

Quote from: Kat on December 23, 2007, 09:56:17 PM
for me, never being able to give birth to a child.

Yep, that's a heartbreak... and even never being able "father" one most likely now.

And feeling robbed of a childhood, never being able to grow up and evolve from a girl into a woman. That's the one that I just can't seem to get over, no matter how miraculous this all has been.

~Kate~

How bout never quite feeling like I fit in?  Anything.  I have always felt a social outcast.  I can tell you that this not is the most devastating of the things that I've gone through.  But it does seem like the continuous saga of my life.  Of course, it is mostly self perception that forces these feelings on me, yet I still feel them.  I find it very difficult to truly warm up to someone.

Cindi

Funny you should bring that up tonight, Cindy.

We had a small dinner party tonight for some friends. One was my partner's sister's sister-in-law. Very nice woman. Very warm and caring.

I really like her a lot, and yet, something holds me back. I know it's myself. That hidden part that still lingers; that always is on the verge of withdrawing from people outta ... ? Fear, I suppose.

There are times I feel like an alien in the world. And the number of friends and confidantes never quite seems to make that go away completely. *sigh*

Nichole 

Being born out of whack.

Quote from: Kate on December 24, 2007, 12:00:44 AM

And feeling robbed of a childhood, never being able to grow up and evolve from a girl into a woman. That's the one that I just can't seem to get over, no matter how miraculous this all has been.

~Kate~

Yep that works

Never being able to tell my friends and family who I really am

All the years of emotional baggage.

Pain of losing a childhood.

And some other stuff I won't mention to keep the bad down to a minimum and not make myself depressed lol.

Things that Hurt Me About Being TS

I really had to scratch around to find these things.  Although they have caused me hurt I have either tossed them out of my life, like I did my "family" or I they have become hidden from daily thought, like the other three.

I don't think about the unfairness of not being able to sponsor my partner to live in the U.S. as often as I did.

Family - Judgmental
Having an Unearned Stigma
Knowing that when I came out at work there were people sticking it to me from Day #1
Not being able to bring my partner to live in the U.S.

Now that I think of it, none of the above hurt at all any more.  They were like a poison that I have ejected from my daily life and moved on.  I have better things to do than to allow hurt into my life.

I am where I belong, with whom I belong, and I am happy.  The last piece of the physical puzzle is GRS and when that is done I will change my birth certificate and my passport and that's the end of that part of the trip.

Wing Walker

Quote from: Nero on December 23, 2007, 09:37:30 PM
Please discuss things that hurt about being TS.

Erm, everything?

The fact that I have caused lots of hurt and pain to people I love.

Some of whom no longer love me.

Rebecca

The lost relationships with friends, family... while I can't do anything about changing their belief systems that caused them to reject me, I feel that maybe I could have found a way come out so as to not alienate them.

y2g

In a word? Pain... Deep and sharp emotional pain, sometimes self-inflicted, other times a passerbye's idle comment, other times just the pervading difficulty of it all. Most of mine stems from dropping my 'act' overnight, and now standing here not really sure who or what I am, and with no one to turn to that can help me figure it out. Gender dysphoria may be bad, but not knowing who you are is worse, I guess my act was so thorough that I had even temporarily fooled myself.

QuoteWe are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.  ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

   Ayana   :icon_geekdance:

P.s. Don't shoot me for the improper application of labels, if any :D

It really hurts me deeply that I'll never have a full functioning penis >:( :embarrassed: :'(

Quote from: Kate on December 24, 2007, 12:00:44 AM

Quote from: Kat on December 23, 2007, 09:56:17 PM
for me, never being able to give birth to a child.

Yep, that's a heartbreak... and even never being able "father" one most likely now.

And feeling robbed of a childhood, never being able to grow up and evolve from a girl into a woman. That's the one that I just can't seem to get over, no matter how miraculous this all has been.

~Kate~

Yeah, I agree about the lost childhood thing. I thought about that quite a bit, and it really bothered me. But, I realized that I can not change it so I will do my best to just go forward from here.

Kat said it all for me too.   Never having the female childhood, and teenage years, were really tough.  After that I probably learned how to cope in the male world such that things didn't hurt so much.

Oh and by the way, not being a bridesmaid at my daughters wedding really hurt.   

It was however a blessing in disguise, because I was told, by a dear friend, that giving my daughter away was my last act as a father.  The freedom I felt was the catalyst which started my transition.

Jenny

maybe that my mom always wanted a daughter. we are five boys. including me.  no girls.  she wanted me to be that daughetr.   someimtes I feel sad bout that :(

Losing ones blood relatives.
Missing out on a big part of life.

(Not being able to have kids is fine with me.  Probably would have gone that route even if I was born the right sex.)

Hi, Chris,
I could feel the emotions, yours and your mom's, and all I can say is if it's any consolation, I wish I could just hug you, a big ((Cyber Hug)) Have a wonderful Christmas day!

My biggest hurt is not being able to see my two daughters.  What is left of the family refuse to accept me as Cindy so I don't expect to see them anytime soon.

Other then that, for me it's been like a reawakening. I've met a lot of people that I did my best to give support to as a social worker. I believe that was the best job I ever had.  I really loved working at it. Well, that job didn't go on because of who I am.  The position was given to another and I was let-go. Green pasture! Oh yes, totally.

My life is now coming back together piece by little piece. Each day is a wondrous miracle. Like getting up in the morning and opening the door wide and letting the golden sunlight streaming into the living room; taking a deep breath and savoring the fragrance of damp earth after a warm shower, and "Oh!" there is also the wonderful fragrance of wild flowers. 

I close my eyes and stretching out with a yawn, I smile, letting the sun warm my face. I then say,  "Good morning Great Spirit!" I  then thank The Great Spirit for bringing me forth to enjoy another day.  Clasping my hands, I bow down slightly, my long hair tumbling down over my shoulder, and I sum up my morning devotion and think, "What is the biggest gift given me? LIFE!" "What may I do in return on this day,  Great Spirit?"

Live each day like it was your last one. 

Cindy   

People's assumption that transgender and transsexual are the same thing. 
People's assumption that transsexuals are perverts, sex addicts, weird cases that only want to get off on women's underwear.
People's assumption that "we" are all the same & that "we" should be "understanding". 
People's morbid fascination with the "transsexual" label.

Quote from: Kat on December 23, 2007, 09:56:17 PM
And feeling robbed of a childhood, never being able to grow up and evolve from a girl into a woman. That's the one that I just can't seem to get over, no matter how miraculous this all has been.
~Kate~

Oh...this hits too close to the truth for me. Having four sisters I felt like I missed out on so much...all those experiences that shape a girl into a woman...that would have to be on the top of my list too.

That I'll never really by my kids mom...even though I've been so much more a mom to them then there natural mother...or giving birth...

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

Never being accepted as a guy by other guys, and never being accepted as anything by girls (as a teen-ager).

Never feeling like that I could fit in anywhere.

Wondering if my Dad ever accepted me, because I never acted like the self-assured man that he was.

Hating myself, because I could never figure out quite who I was.  Also hating myself because I could never be the leader of the household like my wife has always wanted.

Carol

Quote from: Cindi Jones on December 24, 2007, 12:11:44 AM
How bout never quite feeling like I fit in?

Yes, definitely that. Not the worst thing to happen, but something that has been there, making a nest in the back of my mind, for so long that it has become more or less a part of my core identity. In some ways it's even a source of strength, but it's still always lurking there, ready to jump in and start hurting.

One of the silly things is I don't quite fit in as TS either, but that's all right too.

  Nfr

I'll go with "Ditto" what EVRYONE has said here. (Nero cringes...want's to kill 'funny-ass-grl for "ditto" post >:D )

BUT...also, the thought of my family hating and rejecting me, knowing I'm going to lose dear friends, knowing I can no longer surpress this and con't on as a man.

My childhood was wonderful, I may as well and maybe in many ways I was blessed to have grow up with my sister as my pier, I adored her, we were like twins even though we were four years apart, but then good things don't last forever and when my sister began going out with boyfriends I got really jealous. We had done every thing together, whether it was playing with trucks and cars or dolls and playing dress up, or playing house with neighborhood girls.

Heck in preschool years, between the ages of 3 and 6 I remember my mom dressing me up in little dresses and parading me around the neighborhood. How proud I felt, I would dance around so proudly like a peekok before the watching folks. I had long hair to mid back until I was six years old and had to cut it for school.

I was both my dad and my moms suck, I had them around my little finger as they say. You would either find me  sitting on my dads lap asking him a zilion questions or cuddling up to my mom on the couch while we watched black and white TV.

Except for about five years I hung out with one other soul who was also an outcast, and that was my best friend Hellene. Until we got separated and i never saw her again at the age of fifteen and this was when I ran away from home to join the hippies, and that was another adventure in itself.  Those were my best years, until I came out full time seven years ago. It was like stepping back into the shoes I wore when I was a kid. My hell didn't start until after I left the homestead. I was an out cast and I was rejected by most.

Cindy

   

Feeling inferior.
Depression and anxiety.
Feeling subhuman.
Not being able to look in the mirror, not showering like a normal person just so I don't have to face my own body....
Everything, basically.

Quote from: Kate on December 24, 2007, 12:00:44 AM

Quote from: Kat on December 23, 2007, 09:56:17 PM
for me, never being able to give birth to a child.

Yep, that's a heartbreak... and even never being able "father" one most likely now.

And feeling robbed of a childhood, never being able to grow up and evolve from a girl into a woman. That's the one that I just can't seem to get over, no matter how miraculous this all has been.

~Kate~

I totally understand how you feel Kate. I wasn't able to produce the nessesary sperm long before I ever started on hormones and I feel sad when I see people (male or female) who are able to contribute to producing children.

My childhood was also quite sad and fairly lonely at times and I never quite fitted in....

The pain and humiliation of having your parents, brothers and every one you know turn on you like a pack of rabid animals. But atleast I know now they didnt care enough about me to be understanding and give a crap. So, screw them !  Yeah, I have a little pent up anger inside.

Hi Tisha, I do know what that feels like and I do hope that a little venting helped to south the pain. I believe there are a few here that feel the same or have felt the same but many have also gone with their lives. Anyway ((((BIG CYBER HUG))))

Cindy

Quote from: Kate on December 24, 2007, 12:00:44 AM

Quote from: Kat on December 23, 2007, 09:56:17 PM
for me, never being able to give birth to a child.

Yep, that's a heartbreak... and even never being able "father" one most likely now.

And feeling robbed of a childhood, never being able to grow up and evolve from a girl into a woman. That's the one that I just can't seem to get over, no matter how miraculous this all has been.

~Kate~

I agree with both Kat and Kate here.
The lost childhood is definitively one for me. What gets me before hormones I had no desire for a family and little too be in relationship. And now these things are important to me and will be much harder achieve or an impossibility which hurts.  Also I when I see my family I look at them and wonder in less years time would they even talk to me or love me. They see the pain when this happens ask me what wrong. I can't tell them now.

Later,
Anna

QuoteThings that hurt about being TS

Everything!

tink :icon_chick:

Not only having to put up with being an incompetent male, but also having to put up with being an incompetent female. Not having a normal girl childhood, (not a normal boy one either, but it had its moments).

Feeling like a chemical reaction more than a big piece (you know...A whole person who's one with their own self and personality versus this mass of chemicals which feed off each other)

Having the added job of telling friends who will always think of you as scar tissue and being "->-bleeped-<-ed up". Thinking of your own paths destination as the same...

Being depressed ANYWAY on top of it all and having overall the crappiest health. Likely to never get any fat tissue for any noticeable feminization.

Quote from: Tink on January 03, 2008, 11:00:02 PM

QuoteThings that hurt about being TS

Everything!

tink :icon_chick:

So vague, but yet so true.

Having a Y chromosome! Seriously though. Well more serious actually is the fact of so much lost life that can never be recovered, not only in the loss of a female childhood and puberty, but also the amount of life I have lost in the time and effort I have invested in just thinking about being trans, for what seems every waking minute.

BB

Willow

Hi Willowitch
I do agree with your posts and I find it so awesome and my heart goes out to the many courageous youths, *young enough to be my kids* joining this group and making that correction while they still have a full life ahead of them. I only just pray they make the right choice because you can't jump off the train while it is still in transit between stations. Well anything is possible, but I have no Idea what that would be like and I don't think I really want to find out. Even if I did it would be to late for me to change my mind anyway.

Cindy

Being afraid.  I'm certain that my most of my family will disown me the minute I come out.  I can deal with that, I'm not close to most of my extended family anyway.  What scares the life out of me is the family members that don't reject me outright will be angry at me for not having faith in them to be honest about my feelings.  They'll hate me for being a coward.

I'm terrified of people seeing me as just a man in a dress.  I'm getting rid of my beard right now with laser hair removal, but that isn't enough.  I'm over six feet tall.  No amount of ffs will change the fact that my shoulders are too broad, my waist to wide, and my hips are too narrow. My whole life feels like a lie I've built to hide the fact that I don't feel comfortable in my own body.  Every day I wake up I just want bash my head in because I can't stand the face I see in the mirror. 

I'm tired of being afraid.  I'm tired of being a coward.  Those of you that are going through transition, or are living full either pre or post-op have my utmost respect.  I just wish I had the strength to join you.

Hi, Brianne,

I really can't think of anyone who wasn't scared crap-less. If I were you though, I would wait to do my coming out with family until I got on HRT and it has had an effect in transforming me  more to being feminine.

#1 Coming out to those that are of most importance to you is important because it would sure help to have someone in the family for support. When the right time comes you should just give them the necessary information that will enable them to understand better about what GID is and where you are at and the ultimate goal you have a need to work towards.  Then ask them if they are on-board or not.  If you really *need* to do this then get it behind you for it will only serve to impede your going forward.

#2 Have you seen a therapist?  They can be an important asset in helping you to sort things out. You do sound a bit like you have some loose ends right now.

#3 A therapist will also help you to get on HRT when he/she feels it's time, which is in the neighborhood of ninety days.

Cindy

The pain I caused my family when I told them about me

Dilation

Having to leave facial hair growing for three days in order to get it removed by electrolysis!

BB

Willow

Well I thinked until I thunked myself out and I cannot thankes no more. Actually I can't think of anything bad. my life has been more ordered and happy then ever before, and I love me. I AM WOMAN All 120 lbs of her.

Cindy

Re: Things that hurt about being TS ?


trying to hide the perishing thing if your like me, pre op!

it's hard to find someone to love and not being able to get pregnant- but life has many other great things to offer, like adopting a child.

Hi Tanya1
I love children to, I had 11 or them go under my roof  through the years and I looked after most of the kids on the rez when I lived there,  especially on bingo nights.

Well right now I am looking into running a drop in for Trans  people and if that don't go though I have also been given the opportunity to work with kids.

Cindy

Quote from: cindybc on January 06, 2008, 07:10:20 PM
Hi Tanya1
I love children to, I had 11 or them go under my roof  through the years and I looked after most of the kids on the rez when I lived there,  especially on bingo nights.

Well right now I am looking into running a drop in for Trans  people and if that don't go though I have also been given the opportunity to work with kids.

Cindy

thats really great Cindy, I love children too, they can get annoying but some of them are soo sweet, I want my own daughter but I guess I might have to adopt.

blessings to you

I hate the fact that none of my family will understand what I have to go through. And that I have missed my child hood...

I will never be my parents son.

I will never truely be "dad".

Awwww Jaston hon, you'll do Ok, just follow your heart and listen to the little voice within and let it guide you. ((((HUGS))))

Cindy

Quote from: Jaston on January 07, 2008, 03:50:39 AM
I hate the fact that none of my family will understand what I have to go through. And that I have missed my child hood...

I will never be my parents son.

I will never truely be "dad".

keep your head high

Losing a daughter. Losing a career. Losing my brother. Nearly losing my Mom. Living in a different lifestyle than I was accustomed to as a privileged man. Poor body image. Having to start over in my 50s.
However, there are things I like better now...another topic?

Quote from: nickie on January 08, 2008, 06:40:28 PM
Losing a daughter. Losing a career. Losing my brother. Nearly losing my Mom. Living in a different lifestyle than I was accustomed to as a privileged man. Poor body image. Having to start over in my 50s.
However, there are things I like better now...another topic?

Nickie, for someone starting out at such a late stage in your life you look exceptionally natural and attractive in your profile photograph.

Overall I'm a happier person, but thats not what this thread is about.

I do get a little depressed about missing out on my high school years as female.  I was too busy hiding in books and being a loner because I hated myself.  Not dating and going to prom especially. 

Also it sucks being asked out on a date by someone (someone way cute and funny too  ;)) and then having them opt out after learning I am trans.   >:(
yeah that was sucky.

Oh and parents and family disowning me.  If they would put their bibles down and pull their heads out of their you know whats, they would realize that I am actually happy with who i am for the first time in my life.  But they weren't supportive anyway when i was a boy so no dif there.

Getting excluded from family events.  I wasn't invited to my parents 20th wedding anniversary, in fact I wasn't even told about it.  My brothers getting married this summer, and I highly doubt I will go.  My parents and most of my bros and sisters haven't seen me since making the transistion, and I don't want to cause a stir and get blamed for "ruining the wedding".

Audrey

Quote from: Audrey on January 11, 2008, 05:05:46 PM
Overall I'm a happier person, but thats not what this thread is about.

I do get a little depressed about missing out on my high school years as female.  I was too busy hiding in books and being a loner because I hated myself.  Not dating and going to prom especially. 

Also it sucks being asked out on a date by someone (someone way cute and funny too  ;)) and then having them opt out after learning I am trans.   >:(
yeah that was sucky.

Oh and parents and family disowning me.  If they would put their bibles down and pull their heads out of their you know whats, they would realize that I am actually happy with who i am for the first time in my life.  But they weren't supportive anyway when i was a boy so no dif there.

Getting excluded from family events.  I wasn't invited to my parents 20th wedding anniversary, in fact I wasn't even told about it.  My brothers getting married this summer, and I highly doubt I will go.  My parents and most of my bros and sisters haven't seen me since making the transistion, and I don't want to cause a stir and get blamed for "ruining the wedding".

Audrey

It's a hard one Audrey but an all too familiar story. I'm sure a lot of us have similar stories to tell.

They have made a deliberate attempt to exclude you from a wedding anniversary and an up and coming wedding and this is probably because they can't handle the situation and are scared to face the reality that you might for once in your life be happy.

The decision about if you should go along to the wedding is yours but you could go along and keep a low profile and just look like one of guests or not bother about it at all. They have made no effort to make you welcome or support you through a difficult time.

I'll echo what a lot of other people have said on here. To me what hurts most is the fact that I'll never be a mom, and that I feel like I was robbed of my childhood. Facing the prospect of always being an outcast unless I can be 100% passable and stealth also sucks.

The childhood part is big on me. I mean... When I shed more light on myself, I instantly thought of that. Most people jump to the two big things like that. Motherhood/Childhood seem like two of the first noticed.


Er... Maybeh

Right now myself image is tearing me apart. I never thought it could get worse. Lost time and what could have been bothers me lot lately.   Too bad life doesn't have an undo button. Maybe it will pass with time. Most of the stuff already mention hurts too.

Take care,
Anna

Mostly the lack of childhood, but also, being put into boxes by others out of misplaced paternalism, especially since this is not the kind of thing they do to others (ie it intentionally seeks you out).

Hi Schala, did you say you lack some childhood? Wanna buy some? $1:00 per jar full.  ;D

Interestingly enough, I have not forgotten any of my childhood. I'm glad I didn't, it's kind of nice and fun to travel back in time and revisit my childhood, and my mischieviousness. :D

Cindy

Not having transitioned, feeling invisible. As a male there is nothing there to reveal, and I can reveal nothing about the woman behind facade.

Quote from: annajasmine on January 23, 2008, 05:06:19 PM
Right now myself image is tearing me apart. I never thought it could get worse. Lost time and what could have been bothers me lot lately.   Too bad life doesn't have an undo button. Maybe it will pass with time. Most of the stuff already mention hurts too.

Take care,
Anna

Quote from: Schala on January 23, 2008, 05:14:58 PM
Mostly the lack of childhood, but also, being put into boxes by others out of misplaced paternalism, especially since this is not the kind of thing they do to others (ie it intentionally seeks you out).

Quote from: anne_indy on January 26, 2008, 05:38:02 PM
Not having transitioned, feeling invisible. As a male there is nothing there to reveal, and I can reveal nothing about the woman behind facade.

ow wow all very valid reasons,
Have you ever asked your self why you feel this way, I sat down 6 months ago and wrote a 40 page essay on how GID has destroyed my life and its really frightning when you start digging a little deeper.

I do simathise and understand you all, I feel the same way and wish I could turn the clocks back, but PMA is the way forward, Posotive Mental Atitude.

>:( Thats right it is the same for every one of us, a killer, and very oftern is as well.

Hi Ashley Michelle, I am truly sorry to hear about the pain and loss you are gone through as a result of GID. Please feel free to share if you wish, either here or by PM. Anyone who needs an ear  or wants to share I am available most days on this board. I am quite aware of the pain and fear that many are going through, but now and gain I will try to utilise humor in the hopes that it can ease some of the pressure and tension that many here are going through.

Cindy