Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: blackcat on April 03, 2018, 11:12:41 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Graceful exit contingency plan if coming out goes sour?
Post by: blackcat on April 03, 2018, 11:12:41 PM
Post by: blackcat on April 03, 2018, 11:12:41 PM
I think I have to come out to my dad because it's going to bother me if I don't. I want him to know who I am.
He is ultra-conservative. It's going to blow a huge nerve.
Best case scenario is: "Okay." {{awkward silence}}
Worst case scenario is him saying something ignorant or dismissive.
I have to drop by to pick something up from his house this week and I was thinking of telling him then. I could just leave if he has to calm down.
The question is, what's a graceful thing to say if I decide it's best to leave? I'm not going to fight about it. "I love you, take your time to think about it" ?
He is ultra-conservative. It's going to blow a huge nerve.
Best case scenario is: "Okay." {{awkward silence}}
Worst case scenario is him saying something ignorant or dismissive.
I have to drop by to pick something up from his house this week and I was thinking of telling him then. I could just leave if he has to calm down.
The question is, what's a graceful thing to say if I decide it's best to leave? I'm not going to fight about it. "I love you, take your time to think about it" ?
Title: Re: Graceful exit contingency plan if coming out goes sour?
Post by: Dee Marshall on April 04, 2018, 06:36:10 AM
Post by: Dee Marshall on April 04, 2018, 06:36:10 AM
Oh, gods, your title scared me!
Yes, telling your dad you love him then putting the contact ball in his court. Just go in knowing that that contact may never come, or it will involve a lot of trying to talk you out of it.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Yes, telling your dad you love him then putting the contact ball in his court. Just go in knowing that that contact may never come, or it will involve a lot of trying to talk you out of it.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Title: Re: Graceful exit contingency plan if coming out goes sour?
Post by: Denise on April 04, 2018, 07:13:02 AM
Post by: Denise on April 04, 2018, 07:13:02 AM
Plan for the worst.
Hope for the best.
Reality will be in the middle.
Be careful to not paint yourself into a corner.
Leave open two way communication. "I'll wait your call." It may never come. I suggest, if necessary, "let's talk on Sunday. Love you."
Then you both have a timeline for figuring out what to say.
Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk
Hope for the best.
Reality will be in the middle.
Be careful to not paint yourself into a corner.
Leave open two way communication. "I'll wait your call." It may never come. I suggest, if necessary, "let's talk on Sunday. Love you."
Then you both have a timeline for figuring out what to say.
Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Graceful exit contingency plan if coming out goes sour?
Post by: blackcat on April 04, 2018, 08:36:27 AM
Post by: blackcat on April 04, 2018, 08:36:27 AM
Great points about contact. Thank you!
Title: Re: Graceful exit contingency plan if coming out goes sour?
Post by: Denise on April 04, 2018, 11:09:05 PM
Post by: Denise on April 04, 2018, 11:09:05 PM
Quote from: blackcat on April 04, 2018, 08:36:27 AMAnother thing to remember, you have thought about this for weeks/months/years/decades, he's thought about it for 3 seconds.
Great points about contact. Thank you!
If the initial reaction is very negative, be pleasant and understanding. And "call on Sunday"
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