Community Conversation => Transitioning => Topic started by: Shawnna on April 19, 2018, 01:56:34 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Unlearning old behaviors
Post by: Shawnna on April 19, 2018, 01:56:34 PM
Post by: Shawnna on April 19, 2018, 01:56:34 PM
I'm 57 MTF working on transitioning late in life. Everything is going surprisingly well, but I'm constantly having to battle old learned "masculine" behaviors.
If I just relax and let go, I'm amazingly feminine. I smile, laugh, even flirt playfully. BUT, I've spent a lifetime learning to present male. It's difficult to unlearn these things that really interfere with my successful transition.
I want and need to present female but the best I can achieve is non-binary. I've presented non-binary in some fashion since I was 14 or 15 and that has worked for me but 100% female is where my heart is at.
It appears I'm my own worst enemy of my transition. When I just relax and let it happen organically, everyone around me accepts me very well.
How do you deal with unlearning the past in order to embrace the beautiful truth inside?
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
If I just relax and let go, I'm amazingly feminine. I smile, laugh, even flirt playfully. BUT, I've spent a lifetime learning to present male. It's difficult to unlearn these things that really interfere with my successful transition.
I want and need to present female but the best I can achieve is non-binary. I've presented non-binary in some fashion since I was 14 or 15 and that has worked for me but 100% female is where my heart is at.
It appears I'm my own worst enemy of my transition. When I just relax and let it happen organically, everyone around me accepts me very well.
How do you deal with unlearning the past in order to embrace the beautiful truth inside?
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Unlearning old behaviors
Post by: RobynTx on April 19, 2018, 02:31:45 PM
Post by: RobynTx on April 19, 2018, 02:31:45 PM
I spent 41 years as a male, hiding. Now I try to act female but sometimes I have problems. My wife helps me the best she can but there are something she can't. Now I just try to act like me, neither female or male. Just me. There is no way to overcome 41 years of habits in a short amount of time. I've been out for over 8 months now and some stuff I just can't undo or unlearn. I'll try my best but I will not be perfect. I know that and I accept that. I'm not going to stress over it. It's just not worth it to me.
My advice is just be comfortable being you and only you. You don't need a label. Besides what cis female doesn't have some male habits and what cis male doesn't have some female habits.
My advice is just be comfortable being you and only you. You don't need a label. Besides what cis female doesn't have some male habits and what cis male doesn't have some female habits.
Title: Re: Unlearning old behaviors
Post by: Jill E on April 19, 2018, 04:09:54 PM
Post by: Jill E on April 19, 2018, 04:09:54 PM
Personally, I find it's easiest to just do whatever comes naturally. I understand where you're coming from and why it's important to you, but everyone has some traits or mannerisms that might not fit the typical binary. For me, I tend to cross my legs knee over knee, whereas my partner crosses her legs with her ankle resting on her knee. On the other hand, I HATE wearing my hair up in a ponytail, but it's her go-to on a daily basis. Both of us just do whatever is the most physically comfortable for ourselves.
I also find that when I feel less dysphoric, it shows to everyone around me, and subsequently I get clocked less. I find the stuff that makes me feel the best is when I have time to wax my legs (and every once in a while, my arms), when I can actually get a spa / pamper day in, and even just wearing my favorite pajamas around the house. I'm sure everyone has their own things that make them feel less dysphoric on days when they might be experiencing it, but I think it's important to embrace the things that make you YOU.
I don't know how much this'll help, but I hope some part of this may.
*edited for grammar
I also find that when I feel less dysphoric, it shows to everyone around me, and subsequently I get clocked less. I find the stuff that makes me feel the best is when I have time to wax my legs (and every once in a while, my arms), when I can actually get a spa / pamper day in, and even just wearing my favorite pajamas around the house. I'm sure everyone has their own things that make them feel less dysphoric on days when they might be experiencing it, but I think it's important to embrace the things that make you YOU.
I don't know how much this'll help, but I hope some part of this may.
*edited for grammar