Susan's Place Transgender Resources

hello,

as of late my dysphoria has been out of control.  do you ever compare yourselves to other trans woman and think "ill never be that pretty,skinny, afford ffs or gcs or breast augmentation etc....) its making me feel like the ugliest person (astetically) i just feel like a humunkulas compared to others.  i know its not about looks but i cant  help feel jelous.  im happy for them but i just wish i was pretty.

thank you
lil

Quote from: noitsbecky on May 02, 2018, 08:32:42 PM
hello,

as of late my dysphoria has been out of control.  do you ever compare yourselves to other trans woman and think "ill never be that pretty,skinny, afford ffs or gcs or breast augmentation etc....) its making me feel like the ugliest person (astetically) i just feel like a humunkulas compared to others.  i know its not about looks but i cant  help feel jelous.  im happy for them but i just wish i was pretty.

thank you
lil

Trans women, not really.. but 'regular' women mostly models.. or I have a couple women especially that are incredibly beautiful on my facebook that I"m like.. UGH.. why can't I look like them.  The odd thing is they sought me out specifically because of what I look like too (and that's what they told me).  I totally don't get it.

I suspect people (like me) see things in others we never do in ourselves. 

This is where therapy is helping me. I think all of us who struggle with dysphoria have to tackle self-acceptance at some point.

I am at times. I may be for a while or it may just be constant. I'm not sure... I try to look past my own faults hope others can be kind enough to do the same. Mostly with being transgender.
I just think gender really isn't important to me. Maybe I'm trying to cope (I'm not full time and I don't try to pass).
I have a lot of doubt in my heart right now and that probably contributes to being envious.

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

Well... what's your definition of ugly?
If you were to study the faces of random women on the street.  How many are beautiful and how many are just and an average Plain Jane, and how many have an inner beauty that makes them shine, but haven't mastered skills in the art of makeup, hairstyle, clothing, confidence or even to bother.
With every one of those random women, there is someone that would say they're ugly.
Personal likes and dislikes shape everyone's view.
I can't think of any women I know that hasn't sometimes compared themselves to other women.
Human nature for both genders.

Learn those tricks that make your personal beauty shine, it may build the confidence you need.

Hugs, Jessica

I once had the same negative feelings. I may not be a supermodel (or even a model), but I ain't half bad looking for someone almost 52 years of age. Now, chin up, young ladies. It ain't the end of the world, and estrogens can do wonders.

For me, the word is envious. For years I felt the same way as you, but when you start HRT and the changes in your appearance begin to show, that part of my dysphoria just went away. Yes, I would like to be a bit shorter and smaller in the waist, but I am doing the best I can with what I am.

Self acceptance is the single most important part of my transition.

Again I describe myself as envious certainly of many ciswomen as I wish to look like them. Essentially its the boobs and curves I seek and this gives me dysphoria every day. I know I have to wait a long time for HRT physical benefits.

Rather than being envious of transwomen, I admire them and they are a great motivating factor for me.

Physical appearance matters, I know, but it not everything. Self acceptance is what really counts in my opinion.

Pamela

Yes. I sometimes am enviours and jealous of cis-women, especially their boobs and fair skin. I admire beautiful transgender women. No jealousy at all. Many women seem to envy my body shape, but I do not think they are jealous of me. Instead, I guess they feel relieved as I am not a cis-woman, I mean a competitor  :D :D

barbie~~

I'm just jealous of their hair.  What I would give to have a full head of hair.  As the HRT and the laser are doing their things, the hair on my head will be the toughest thing to get over.

I definitely look at women with that peculiar mix of envy and attraction.  I don't really get jealous anymore, but I do have to remind myself that some women are looking at me with envy sometimes too. (What a weird thing)

I lost my jealousy because I know I can never achieve being beautiful you don't have to look like Barbie to be happy take pride in your uniqueness. Does it matter what you look like you know who you are in your head.
  I lost my jealousy by not caring what other people think all that matters is what you think. I merely want to reduce my dysphoria to become more functional. This is what worked for me I hope a little piece of this will work for you
love Tatiana

I don't think I've ever been jealous, really. Mostly attraction and admiration. Weird thing for me growing up, many (well, a few) women have actually complimented my legs (I quit wearing shorts when out with others). I have been blessed with nice feminine legs. It was embarrassing growing up, though. I just didn't understand why I didn't/couldn't fit in athletically with guys because of simply how my legs looked. But now I am mostly happy with my feminine body after 2 years HRT. I just wish I could go out and show my true self (and not hide). Won't happen....

this is something that happens to many of us, specially at the beginning of HRT, you need to keep going, everything is going to get better, HRT helps a lot with that, if you can go to a support group it would be wonderful, as having others by your side is the best thing to overcome those dark feelings you're having.

congratulations you do the very thing every cis girl does to herself. which is comparing yourself to others. you cant love yourself until you stop (or nearly) comparing what you have from others. its one step at a time hun and there will be a lot of time to endure. you have to accept that transition takes time (years) and every woman went through the same thing growing up to.

Just for the record, the correct spelling is "jealous", not "jelous". While I'm familiar with the concept, I don't recall ever experiencing it, though. I've long experienced both a degree of envy and admiration for many women, but I've always seen that as a pleasurable thing. I would love to have Sofía Vergara's long thick hair, but enjoying people like her is one of life's many pleasures. I do what I can with myself, but in the end I have to be myself, anyway.

Sometimes I wonder if this unseen "dysphoria" thing might not be something that could be turned around as a benefit rather than a problem. We all have factors inside us that drive us to get up in the morning and accomplish things. Try turning things inside out sometime. That's just a thought.

Thank you for all your reply's

I have been on HRT (correctly under Dr. supervision) for about a year the more I read your reply's I understand that's how a lot of women feel whether trans or cis.  I haven't been seeing my therapist my anxiety is making me so I don't want to drive, so that's not helping.  Plus I gained like 30 pounds since I started hrt so im not feeling great.  Plus I know 2 girls that are about to have there surgery and its making me feel like it will never happen for me. The thing about that is I have enough money to at least secure a date but my spouse is hesitant to submit it because my weight and the fact  that I am not in a great place mentally.

My wife thinks im pretty and does not want me to pursue ffs which I feel would help me. 
I guess at the end of the day I am just frustrated because I feel stuck and ugly.

Thanks for not making me feel alone I would say more but I feel like you would just be hearing my depression talking

Thank you
lil 

I was watching the Kentucky Derby yesterday and OMG the dresses and outfits and .... yes, I was envious.

I've been jealous of my sister, all my life. I used to buy Cosmo for my wife so I could read the beauty tips. Every time I hear of someone having a baby I am jealous. Not envious as that would be against the 10 commandments.

I don't get that way when I see other trans women but I do sometimes with cis women. It usually happens for me when I am commuting back and forth to work on the light rail - a woman will board the train and sit near me and something about her will get my attention - her hair, makeup, clothing, general body shape...whatever. Most of the time when this happens I can convert my envy to something positive - make note of how she did that to her hair to try it myself one day etc. But every now and then I get way too much in my own head until I am berating myself. "I will never look that way". This has led me to purge all of my clothing and makeup. I have literally thrown all of it in garbage bags and marched it to a dumpster. This is not only a prohibitively expensive mistake but I am devastated that I allowed myself to get to that point. I have never purged or had doubts because of these feelings that did not alleviate themselves...eventually. Those moments of clarity about where my feelings were coming from would then be immediately followed by a sense of loss of my "things". I now have a friend that will talk me off the ledge when I start spiraling like that - she has even taken my Alyssa things for me and held them until these feelings passed. I have learned to nip these emotions in the bud now, for the most part. My point with all of this is I think....the sooner you can figure out a way to get these emotions/feelings in check for yourself the better. It may require therapy or maybe just an understanding friend - but doing it by yourself is monstrously difficult. You are ALWAYS in your own head. Trying to separate yourself from damaging thoughts because of this jealousy/envy/self-degrading mindset is a major task. I had to bring friends in to help me fight.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Alyssa

I don't really feel jealous of other trans women much, I feel more of a sisterhood and understanding, but I feel jealous of just about every cis woman. They just were given for free the thing that I've devoted a huge chunk of my life to getting. I'm sure just about everyone here wishes they were born with a female body, but it's not like you can really do anything about it. Just be proud of how far you've come and surround yourself with people who love you and can be excited with you.

I'm jealous of transwomen who pass, be them pretty or just 'ordinary'. All I want is to walk in the street without getting those obnoxious looks from people that stare at me as if I were Rosemary's baby or something.

Quote from: Camouflage on May 14, 2018, 10:17:35 PM
All I want is to walk in the street without getting those obnoxious looks from people that stare at me as if I were Rosemary's baby or something.

It happens to nearly every woman ever since her childhood. Even my little daughter at age 13 asks me why people stare at her in the street. That is a life of woman.

I tend to enjoy the attention, but sometimes, yes, it is obnoxious.

barbie~~