Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: blackcat on May 10, 2018, 10:10:34 PM Return to Full Version
Title: On trying not to blow up my life
Post by: blackcat on May 10, 2018, 10:10:34 PM
Post by: blackcat on May 10, 2018, 10:10:34 PM
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Title: Re: On trying not to blow up my life
Post by: Janes Groove on May 10, 2018, 11:31:14 PM
Post by: Janes Groove on May 10, 2018, 11:31:14 PM
My 2 cents for what it's worth is that it's basically over.
If your partner is disgusted by the real you then that is abuse. He is abusing you whether he realizes it or not or you realize it or not. It's abusive. You don't deserve that. But I suspect you already know that:
Maybe a roommate type relationship until you can get out of there and find more suitable living arrangements is the answer.
If your partner is disgusted by the real you then that is abuse. He is abusing you whether he realizes it or not or you realize it or not. It's abusive. You don't deserve that. But I suspect you already know that:
Quote from: blackcat on May 10, 2018, 10:10:34 PM
If anyone else in any other circumstances asked me for advice on what to do if their partner is disgusted by them, I'd tell them no one deserves to be in a relationship where they have to wait for scraps from the table of acceptance. I know I deserve better.
Maybe a roommate type relationship until you can get out of there and find more suitable living arrangements is the answer.
Title: Re: On trying not to blow up my life
Post by: JoanneB on May 11, 2018, 07:27:06 AM
Post by: JoanneB on May 11, 2018, 07:27:06 AM
On the plus side he is trying to be "Civil" which I think shows there are a thoughts, often conflicting, flying around in his head. But, on occasion, sometimes something passes through the "Civility Filter". That same thing had happened with my wife and I where occasionally something biting or hurtful will slip out after I totally blew up her world view by dropping the T-Bomb. When later we talked and I pointed such things out (best not do such things when emotions are high) she also pointed out, fairly, that sometimes I am also overly sensitive. It took a few months and a lot of often times difficult and emotionally charged talks for things to things between us to mostly go back to where they were.
But, that is because we both put in the hard work needed to keep a relationship going that we both believed in and wanted. Both need to want to make things to work out. Both need to work at it. Both need to Compromise. We, whether you want o believe it or not, are asking our partners to make a ginormous compromise with themselves and with us. Their world view, their hopes, wishes and dreams of a shared future were instantly shattered. Sometimes a balance can be struck. Sometimes not.
BTW - Probably best to make some lame excuse to blow off this family event Saturday and take a long walk among nature to help clear your head and recharge your soul
But, that is because we both put in the hard work needed to keep a relationship going that we both believed in and wanted. Both need to want to make things to work out. Both need to work at it. Both need to Compromise. We, whether you want o believe it or not, are asking our partners to make a ginormous compromise with themselves and with us. Their world view, their hopes, wishes and dreams of a shared future were instantly shattered. Sometimes a balance can be struck. Sometimes not.
BTW - Probably best to make some lame excuse to blow off this family event Saturday and take a long walk among nature to help clear your head and recharge your soul
Title: Re: On trying not to blow up my life
Post by: blackcat on May 11, 2018, 08:39:35 AM
Post by: blackcat on May 11, 2018, 08:39:35 AM
Thank you for the advice... good to things to think about.