Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: AJ on May 17, 2018, 02:55:16 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I am AJ and I have been lurking and in and out since 2007
Post by: AJ on May 17, 2018, 02:55:16 PM
Post by: AJ on May 17, 2018, 02:55:16 PM
I have been a mess and I have been pretty good.
Since the age of 9 when puberty hit, I have been hurting myself.
I probably attempted suicide a thousand times trying to rid myself of the curse of testosterone.
I was always too weak to make it all the way and hated myself for never being strong enough to succeed.
Back years ago on this site, I asked "who I was" and one of the responses that helped me most was; "you are a survivor" and that helped me so very much.
I denied my being trans until last fall when I set up an appointment for an orchi and was derailed by a high PSA test at the age of 64.
I was slapped in the face and fearing that I was too late to follow my hidden dreams with that prostate cancer diagnosis.
I thought I missed my chance at being brave in finally going for my dream of becoming the "ME" I always knew I needed to be.
Several tests later with some hard questions and discussions with my urologist, I was declared clear of cancer.
After all my questions and a special test at MAYO I was told by this urologist that I will likely never have prostate cancer based on the final and more intensive tests.
The orchi however, didn't happen.
My mind then focused on getting to where I needed to be in life with visits to a therapist and doctor to move forward with HRT.
I started HRT last December 19, my new birthday.
It was such an important day for me.
When the testosterone went away, I finally knew relief.
When the estrogen kicked in, I was finally home.
I'm not ready to come out yet but I am building to that in my own time.
I see the value in coming out.
I have been in positions of authority and am prominent in my community as a council member and business person.
My coming out (when I am ready) could be one of the most important things I could do in my life to further transgender understanding.
Watching, reading, and listening to you all here is a great help in my understanding of my personal journey.
So far, I think I am non-binary but time will tell.
Thank you and hugs to you all
Since the age of 9 when puberty hit, I have been hurting myself.
I probably attempted suicide a thousand times trying to rid myself of the curse of testosterone.
I was always too weak to make it all the way and hated myself for never being strong enough to succeed.
Back years ago on this site, I asked "who I was" and one of the responses that helped me most was; "you are a survivor" and that helped me so very much.
I denied my being trans until last fall when I set up an appointment for an orchi and was derailed by a high PSA test at the age of 64.
I was slapped in the face and fearing that I was too late to follow my hidden dreams with that prostate cancer diagnosis.
I thought I missed my chance at being brave in finally going for my dream of becoming the "ME" I always knew I needed to be.
Several tests later with some hard questions and discussions with my urologist, I was declared clear of cancer.
After all my questions and a special test at MAYO I was told by this urologist that I will likely never have prostate cancer based on the final and more intensive tests.
The orchi however, didn't happen.
My mind then focused on getting to where I needed to be in life with visits to a therapist and doctor to move forward with HRT.
I started HRT last December 19, my new birthday.
It was such an important day for me.
When the testosterone went away, I finally knew relief.
When the estrogen kicked in, I was finally home.
I'm not ready to come out yet but I am building to that in my own time.
I see the value in coming out.
I have been in positions of authority and am prominent in my community as a council member and business person.
My coming out (when I am ready) could be one of the most important things I could do in my life to further transgender understanding.
Watching, reading, and listening to you all here is a great help in my understanding of my personal journey.
So far, I think I am non-binary but time will tell.
Thank you and hugs to you all
Title: Re: I am AJ and I have been lurking and in and out since 2007
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 17, 2018, 03:47:42 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on May 17, 2018, 03:47:42 PM
Hello AJ Thank you for coming here to the Introductions Forum to tell the other members here about yourself and to let them know that you have just arrived.
It is nice to see you posting, and now with your informative and interesting introduction posting here, more members on the Forums will be aware of you joining Susan's Place..
As you post more on the Forums and include some interesting pertinent details it will help other members here to exchange better and more relevant messages and replies to you.
Please be certain to look at the LINKS that I posted in my Welcome Message to you today on my " ... Danielle's Chronicles" thread There is important information and site rules there that will help you to navigate around the site and to best utilize what is here for you.
And again WELCOME to SUSAN'S PLACE
See you around on the Forums.
I am looking forward to seeing future postings from you as you get more involved with the Forums.
Danielle
It is nice to see you posting, and now with your informative and interesting introduction posting here, more members on the Forums will be aware of you joining Susan's Place..
As you post more on the Forums and include some interesting pertinent details it will help other members here to exchange better and more relevant messages and replies to you.
Please be certain to look at the LINKS that I posted in my Welcome Message to you today on my " ... Danielle's Chronicles" thread There is important information and site rules there that will help you to navigate around the site and to best utilize what is here for you.
And again WELCOME to SUSAN'S PLACE
See you around on the Forums.
I am looking forward to seeing future postings from you as you get more involved with the Forums.
Danielle
Title: Re: I am AJ and I have been lurking and in and out since 2007
Post by: V M on May 17, 2018, 06:49:31 PM
Post by: V M on May 17, 2018, 06:49:31 PM
Hi AJ :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M