Susan's Place Transgender Resources

if you couldn't tell from the title, i'm finally coming to terms with being nb. i think my identity falls between genderfluid/genderqueer but, i'm having a hard time accepting my identity. i feel like i'd be taken less seriously than trans people/other lgbt. i feel like everyone would just think i'm a straight tomboy, since i'm mainly attracted to men. i feel like i don't have the "right body" (i'm chubby and curvy) to be adrogynous. i feel like i won't ever find love. i feel like everybody is going to tell me that my identity isn't valid and that there's only two genders. i've tried to force myself to be female because of this, but everytime it felt unnatural and uncomfortable. how did you guys become comfortable in your own skin as trans/nonbinary?

I am binary however I think you need to go through a similar process like I did. Through the transition I reached a point where I don't care what others think about me as long as they are polite to me. I am sure there are people who think of me as a man in woman's clothing but what they think isn't important to me.

Your primary goal needs to be finding a presentation that you and not others are comfortable with. It might take therapy to help you reach this point but in the end, you need to understand that your the most important person you know and the opinions of others take second place.

Why, what's wrong with flying the Freak Flag?  :)

Almost everything you said related to what other people think of you. You need to let that go, in a hurry. Your identity is exactly that, your identity. Don't let that be shaped by what other people want.

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi hon.

My experience was that it made me feel less freakish in a freaky kind of way, because there were all these other folk that didn't fit into those pesky boxes, just like me.

Rowan

I actually went through something like this when I was first starting to question my gender about two and a half years ago. (Eventually I found out that I was a demiboy, which I still am today.)

Honestly, I still have moments where I'm worried about whether or not people will think I'm a freak if I come out to them. It's one of the things that's kept me from coming out. But the best thing you can do, to start at least, is to stop caring what other people think.

Do they dictate what your gender is? No! So why should they dictate whether or not you're a freak?

And being androgynous doesn't just fit one body. Being androgynous is just about blurring the lines between presenting as a man and a women. Whatever that looks like to you is androgynous.

Quote from: Devlyn on May 26, 2018, 04:29:06 PM
Why, what's wrong with flying the Freak Flag?  :)

Almost everything you said related to what other people think of you. You need to let that go, in a hurry. Your identity is exactly that, your identity. Don't let that be shaped by what other people want.

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Devlyn,

I agree completely with you but I just don't know how to get to that point.  How does someone learn to not care what others think?

Thanks,
Paige :)

Quote from: Paige on June 28, 2018, 09:58:46 AM
Hi Devlyn,

I agree completely with you but I just don't know how to get to that point.  How does someone learn to not care what others think?

Thanks,
Paige :)

I'm not sure if it's learned or built-in.  :)

Look within and ask yourself why someone else should have an influence on your decisions.

Hugs, Devlyn

Define the term "freak".

It is just a label some people use that is meaningless to me. Anything unusual can be called a freak. So, I guess, I am a freak. So what? I am still myself and I accept myself as I am, with some modifications, of course.  ;)

NB bi-gender over here. I was just talking about this the other day. Being somewhere in the middle has its own challenges but at the end of the day it is going to come down to loving who you are and self-acceptance. I walk into see my doctor looking butch, and got accused of selling my HRT meds a few months into it all because I was not wearing a dress. I get off looks when a guy with facial hair shows up to pick up Estrace. At first I gave a damn, then I eventually realized the person that noticed it the most was me. Most didn't care. Love yourself. Sure we all may be somewhere in the middle, but with that said there isn't anything wrong with having the best of both worlds. :) Been transformed for over 3 years now!

Xoxo
Rachelle

I don't have any advice other that to agree with the advice already given.

I just wanted to tell you this:  You are NOT a freak.  What you are is 100% natural and valued.

Quote from: Devlyn on June 28, 2018, 10:51:52 AM
I'm not sure if it's learned or built-in.  :)

Look within and ask yourself why someone else should have an influence on your decisions.

Hugs, Devlyn

I think it is largely a learned skill. It helps if you are naturally a bold person, but I think with practice most people can come to be less concerned about what other's think. I could actually see how being non-binary could be somewhat of a love asset because the person gets two different presentations to love.

I'm a trans woman and my body is pretty feminine but sometimes I present fairly androgynous or even somewhat masculine. Like today I'm in jeans, low ankle boots, a t-shirt, no makeup and my long hair is in a bun. It feels good to me but it can be a bit confusing to those around us.

I got a "sir" this morning. I corrected the guy, he seemed a bit puzzled until he looked at my chest. Yesterday I was getting ma'ams all day, the only difference was clothing and maybe a small amount of makeup.

To the OP: I'm sorry you are experiencing angst over this. Love is a numbers game about the activities used to meet people. I don't mean that to sound flippant as I know it takes hard work. You are a unique person with much to offer the world around you.

Hey. I don't have any advice on how not to feel that way since I feel exactly the same. Every time I try to go back to living as just a woman I feel incomplete and stifled. Just today I had a melt down over feeling like such a freak and wishing I were cis instead of whatever it is I am (I id as NB but sometimes feel weird about it).

Anyway I guess Im saying your not alone.

We are all different and no one is a freak. We are all unique. I identify as female and fully live as one. We all do it our own way and no way is right and no way is wrong. It is only our own way.

Like Frank Zappa  sang... You is what you is...  I'm  both female and male both together  though I favor female
the main thing is I'm  happy... I don't  explain  myself to others  ...they either  work it out or don't
You're  perfectly  normal.... perhaps  a cut above the ordinary  ....enjoy  yourself😊😉