Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Nathanyel on June 06, 2018, 06:57:50 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Is it worth coming out as trans to parents who failed to understand bisexuality?
Post by: Nathanyel on June 06, 2018, 06:57:50 AM
Post by: Nathanyel on June 06, 2018, 06:57:50 AM
So I want to come out to my parents but they previously had a hard time understanding my sexuality and I fear this might be the nail in the coffin for me. If they can't to grips with the fact that sometimes I'll date men and sometimes I'll date women, how are they possibly gonna understand and get to grips with my identity.
I'm not sure how to tell them in a way that will make sense to them, in a way that they will accept.
Just feeling very lost and conflicted.
-Nathanyel
I'm not sure how to tell them in a way that will make sense to them, in a way that they will accept.
Just feeling very lost and conflicted.
-Nathanyel
Title: Re: Is it worth coming out as trans to parents who failed to understand bisexuality?
Post by: Kendra on June 06, 2018, 08:23:46 AM
Post by: Kendra on June 06, 2018, 08:23:46 AM
Hi Nathanyel,
I cannot guarantee how your parents will respond to your coming out transgender, but I can guarantee you will feel relieved after that conversation. Even if they fail to understand or appreciate who you really are, you will no longer have to wonder. It's quite possible they will surprise you in a good way. There is this thing called unconditional love.
My parents ain't young (their combined age is 173), we have opposite views on politics and many social issues and I was expecting a disaster. Instead, the opposite happened when I came out to them last July (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,226090.0.html). You're already thinking in the right direction - find a way to tell your parents in a way that will make sense to them. Consider anything unique with each of your parents' backgrounds - things that could potentially be seen as a disadvantage or a strength depending on how each individual handles the situation. That's why I brought up with my father the parallel of being left-handed in a society biased toward right-handed brains when he was in grade school in the 1930s. And the pain from racism my mother experienced as an immigrant. When I was born, my existence was a felony in several US states until the Supreme Court's 1967 decision overruling laws prohibiting interracial sexual relations and marriage.
When I came out to my parents, I was shocked when my mother cheerfully said "so you're going to go get a boyfriend!" In their mindset, homosexuality is a barely tolerable concept but once they knew I was transitioning they expected me to date the opposite gender. At the time, I didn't tell them everything... I have been happily dating a married male/female couple and having quite a blast, but I figured tell them one thing at a time. But being transgender makes that particular conversation much easier and I am just now getting them to warm up to the idea. They have met my boyfriend Saha and girlfriend Beth (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,231131.msg2057466.html), the 5 of us had lunch together this week at my parents' home and it went very well.
All the best. Go for it.
Kendra
I cannot guarantee how your parents will respond to your coming out transgender, but I can guarantee you will feel relieved after that conversation. Even if they fail to understand or appreciate who you really are, you will no longer have to wonder. It's quite possible they will surprise you in a good way. There is this thing called unconditional love.
My parents ain't young (their combined age is 173), we have opposite views on politics and many social issues and I was expecting a disaster. Instead, the opposite happened when I came out to them last July (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,226090.0.html). You're already thinking in the right direction - find a way to tell your parents in a way that will make sense to them. Consider anything unique with each of your parents' backgrounds - things that could potentially be seen as a disadvantage or a strength depending on how each individual handles the situation. That's why I brought up with my father the parallel of being left-handed in a society biased toward right-handed brains when he was in grade school in the 1930s. And the pain from racism my mother experienced as an immigrant. When I was born, my existence was a felony in several US states until the Supreme Court's 1967 decision overruling laws prohibiting interracial sexual relations and marriage.
When I came out to my parents, I was shocked when my mother cheerfully said "so you're going to go get a boyfriend!" In their mindset, homosexuality is a barely tolerable concept but once they knew I was transitioning they expected me to date the opposite gender. At the time, I didn't tell them everything... I have been happily dating a married male/female couple and having quite a blast, but I figured tell them one thing at a time. But being transgender makes that particular conversation much easier and I am just now getting them to warm up to the idea. They have met my boyfriend Saha and girlfriend Beth (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,231131.msg2057466.html), the 5 of us had lunch together this week at my parents' home and it went very well.
All the best. Go for it.
Kendra