Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone, I wanted to ask at what age did you realize you were transgender? My mom says that I'm too old and that if I really was transgender I would have known a lot earlier. I started thinking about it when I was 13 and now I'm 19 and seriously considering it (I'm like 90% sure that I'm transgender but comments from my mom and others are making me doubt myself).

Quote from: DEATH13 on June 07, 2018, 10:22:25 AM
Hi everyone, I wanted to ask at what age did you realize you were transgender? My mom says that I'm too old and that if I really was transgender I would have known a lot earlier. I started thinking about it when I was 13 and now I'm 19 and seriously considering it (I'm like 90% sure that I'm transgender but comments from my mom and others are making me doubt myself).

@DEATH13     
Hello DEATH13,   Well, to answer your question, I was about the same age, before I started High School I likewise knew that I needed to transition MTF.
But,first things first, you need to be welcomed to Susan's Place. 
Thank you for writing your very first posting.   We are so glad that you found your way here to the Forums.
It is great to see that you have taken the step to become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your  posting with us.   

Obviously you may have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
 
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with what you may be going through.

Please allow me to also WELCOME you to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and get involved at your own pace. 

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Again, Welcome.
Danielle

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Hi I'm Chelsea. You are never too old. I just started at 46 three months ago. O and welcome to Susan's!

Chelsea

@DEATH13
Oh, by the way DEATH13... so that the other members here on the Forums will know that you have become a member of Susan's Place please go to
the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to introduce yourself and to briefly tell the other members here about yourself!   You will then have a better chance of getting the answers that you are looking for regarding your specific interests and you will be able to share with others as they share their experiences with you once they know that you have arrived.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle

I knew I was a boy until my chest started growing and I was pushed out by my friends (boys). This happened about the time I was 11-12. I realized I was a freak and tried hard to be a girl. But I failed miserably at that. I've started my transition at age 40.

It is never too late.

Quote from: DEATH13 on June 07, 2018, 10:22:25 AM
Hi everyone, I wanted to ask at what age did you realize you were transgender? My mom says that I'm too old and that if I really was transgender I would have known a lot earlier. I started thinking about it when I was 13 and now I'm 19 and seriously considering it (I'm like 90% sure that I'm transgender but comments from my mom and others are making me doubt myself).

Hi, and welcome.

I started wondering if I might be transgender in my 30s or 40s.  It took until I was 61 to realize that, yes, I was for sure.  Yes, there were signs farther back, as young as 7 for me, that I recognize in hindsight.  But at the time I had no idea what they meant.

Your mother is wrong about the typical age of recognition.  More people transition in their 40s, 50s and 60s than before puberty.  We old biddies don't make headlines the way youngsters do, so the general public is simply less aware of us, even though we are more typical.

Recognizing your identity around puberty, as you did, is the second most common age.

I would recommend that you try to see a gender therapist if you can.  You are 19, so, in most jurisdictions, you shouldn't need parental approval to do that.

I was 21 when I seriously started questioning my gender identity, but I have a few friends who've known since their teens. One of them actually called me a "late bloomer," but from what I know it's not uncommon for people to repress their feelings for decades before figuring it out.

Thank you all so much for your replies, you guys really give me hope :)

I think realising you're different in the way you think, act, behave comes first, then figuring out you're transgender comes next...I can't imagine there is a set age at which anyone comes out/or makes the realisation.

Some of us are blatantly trans from the day we can walk, others are more submissive and figure it out later when we are ready to accept it. Everyone's journey is unique, try not to beat yourself up over it

I didn't really think there was a set age, but my mom kept saying it over and over so I just had to ask. Now that I think about it there were signs when I was younger, but I just recently started college and came to a place mentally (and physically) where I could really start finding out who I am. I thought I was agender at first, but now I'm pretty sure that was just an excuse to dress like a guy without saying I'm a guy. Thank you for your reply anastasialea, I think what you described above ("I think realising you're different in the way you think, act, behave comes first, then figuring out you're transgender comes next...I can't imagine there is a set age at which anyone comes out/or makes the realisation") is what happened with me :)

Hi Death13
Like all the other lady's have said there is no set age
I had feelings around 5  knew by around 13 14 and went to do somthing around 20 but life happens now age 29 and going through the counceling to get approved

No one else can tell you how you feel only you can decide that your trans
Pscologests are there to guide you but remember it's how you feel  at the end of the day

I was aware that something wasn't quite right at a very early age, but too young to understand what. It wasn't until I was five or six that I started to express more feminine characteristics and desires. By eight I was sneaking makeup just to feel normal, not as play or dress up, it was much deeper and more profound than that.
When puberty hit I knew I was female but had no idea how to deal with it. I came out and started living full time at the age 56 about sixteen months ago.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Thanks for your replies guys <3

Welcome to Susan's Place. I also realize the truth at age 13 and I thought the feeling just came out of the blue. It was only a long time after that I discovered much my early childhood was fitting a feminine nature into a masculine world. My preference in clothes was toward dresser clothing rather than the bluejeans that boys preferred to wear. I would rather play with girls than boys. I was more passive than aggressive in my nature. When I was young this seemed normal and I thought everybody was this way. It was only in hindsight that I saw how different I was from others.

I'd say I was four or five although I didn't learn the word transgendered until I was in my late 20's.

There was GREAT article someone posted on here, I wish I could find it for you. It was about the suspected causes of gender dysphoria. The hypothesis was that MtF people seemed to come in two categories, depending on what happened during their development in utero. The first category is those who come out and know at a very early age that they were born in the wrong body. Often they INSIST they are girls and take up girl interests. Sadly in our culture that all to often does not go over well. The second category is the one I identified with and perhaps you may as well, and that is those who realize a little later. Usually we make do and fake it as our assigned gender at birth for a certain period of time, until such point where it is unbearable.

Not sure it that helps. If I can find the article I will post a link. In the meantime, in my opinion, rule number one is please be kind to yourself!  :)

It definitely seems to be different for everyone, wonderful question to pose, though, Death!

I was aware of crossdressing by like age 13, but I did not nor ever considered crossdressing myself.
I discovered what transgender was around age 22, but again, I never expected that I could or would be transgender.

There are numerous little hints throughout my life, but as I state in my blog thread here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,237152.msg2131598.html#msg2131598 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,237152.msg2131598.html#msg2131598) I didn't even think I could be transgender until Easter this year, and even then, I thought maybe I would just like to actually be a girl, but not really see myself as one.

Sometimes you know for a long time, sometimes only your subconscious really knows. It's kind of surprising how the brain works like that, I think. I was looking at full transition videos on youtube and stuff long before I ever considered and let's just say I had done nothing up to Easter this year to support myself in a female role.  I didn't even really bother studying clothes, makeup, or anything, really!

Hello Death13

The simple answer is "literally at any age". Some of us know as children, some realise at puberty, some discover in their 20s 30s 40s 50s 60s 70s or 80s. Absolutely seriously!

Some of us know subconsciously before properly, some of us discover and then examine ourselves and realise with hindsight it was already there but buried or suppressed.

Personally I knew at 4 that I wished to have been born a girl, I crossdressed and bodyshaved all my adult life and buried and reburied mainly by work issues.

However it became so dominant, that I had no choice other than to seek therapy aged 62 and then HRT and now I hope to go public in 2019.

I wish you the best of luck in discovering your true self.

Pamela

In my case, the feelings that I was being treated differently than my sister at about 5.  What I was feeling did not become defined until I was around 10 and that is the earliest I remember talking openly about it.    I started acting on it at around 11 or 12 through dressing in a way that pleased me at night.

It came in phases as I aged and learned, but there was an inkling of awareness very early on.

I have talked with many of my brothers and sisters about this.  I have started to see that there are really a couple of common patterns.  The person knows at a young age or the person figures it out later in life.  Both present their own unique perspectives I guess.

Thanks again for all of your replies. I've been thinking about this a lot recently and have realized that I was showing signs when I was much younger. All of my friends were boys and I preferred doing boyish activities to girlish ones. I was called a tomboy by almost all of my friends at the time. The issue I'm facing at the moment is that my mom thinks I'm moving too quickly, that it doesn't make sense that my realization came out of seemingly nowhere. I don't think it did some out of nowhere, though. I told her about the signs from earlier in my life and how I had been thinking actively about it when I was 13, but was too caught up with my anxiety and depression to act on it. I think I subconsciously knew but it never became apparent until recently when I cut my hair and started dressing like a guy. Does it happen "suddenly" like this for some people? My mom is concerned that it's only been a few months and I already have a very strong urge to be male. She wants me to be confident in myself and who I am right now, but I don't feel confident as Louise. I feel confident as Louis, more than I ever have before (and I've had self-confidence issues for a long time). When I picture myself as Louis, I feel so much happier. *Sigh*

Quote from: DEATH13 on June 08, 2018, 08:52:53 AMDoes it happen "suddenly" like this for some people?

Yes, I think it usually comes suddenly.  Awareness can build subconsciously until it reaches a threshhold and becomes conscious.  That's just the way that awareness works. 

It's kind of like filling a jug with water.  The water can be running for a couple of minutes before the jug fills and overflows.  Was the overflow sudden?  It looks like it was, but in fact, it had been building up since you turned on the water.

There is nothing you have said so far in your posts that is unusual.  Your experience as you describe it is perfectly normal for a trans person.

Thank you so much for your reply KathyLauren, it really helps (:

I knew at the age of 12-13 but really didn't process it till I was 43! So my answer would be, you are never too old.

I knew something was "wrong " when I was about 5 and couldn't shake the idea I was female despite the evidence before me. I was about 8-9 when I first dressed...I was 12-13 by the time I realised I was trans...I fought relentlessly against it only to succumb at 18,36 and then finally at age 52 Instead of fighting I embraced my being trans...I have never been happier. 

I hope you are able to move forward despite what you Mum says.

Take Care
Liz


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Virginia 71 on June 07, 2018, 11:48:07 PM
I'd say I was four or five although I didn't learn the word transgendered until I was in my late 20's.

There was GREAT article someone posted on here, I wish I could find it for you. It was about the suspected causes of gender dysphoria. The hypothesis was that MtF people seemed to come in two categories, depending on what happened during their development in utero. The first category is those who come out and know at a very early age that they were born in the wrong body. Often they INSIST they are girls and take up girl interests. Sadly in our culture that all to often does not go over well. The second category is the one I identified with and perhaps you may as well, and that is those who realize a little later. Usually we make do and fake it as our assigned gender at birth for a certain period of time, until such point where it is unbearable.

Not sure it that helps. If I can find the article I will post a link. In the meantime, in my opinion, rule number one is please be kind to yourself!  :)

http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

Thanks for the link Nikki!

Mid 30s. But I knew something was up when I was a kid.

There's a difference between knowing exactly what the problem is and just sensing a problem.

there were signs early on, but I had no way of knowing what they meant.  I didn't know transgender was even a thing, and I was raised in the kind of family where you aren't allowed or encouraged to question the things you were taught, or to explore anything outside the norm.  so the words "i think I want to be a boy" didn't come out until i was 14, in a private conversation with my cousin.  she was the first one to tell me such a thing was possible, but neither of us really knew anything about it.  I didn't learn any more about trans people until high school, and by that time I was deep in denial about everything regarding my gender and sexuality because of my family.  I was in my last year of high school when I told my boyfriend at the time that I didn't totally feel like a girl, and it didn't get brought up again until later in my 20s when we were married and I was finally coming to terms with myself and getting a better understanding of who I was after all the years of not being allowed to.  so it was my mid 20s when I realized I needed to transition.
point being there is no set age, and people don't always know, even when they do.

As they say, hindsight is 20/20. I remember not wanting to be a boy about the time puberty arrived, I was probably around 11 - 12 years old. I have two older brothers, and I really did not know what the differences were then, but I knew something was not right. I would go to bed at night and pray that I would wake up in the morning as a girl. I lived most of my life thinking I was some sort of pervert, after all that is what everyone called males who liked women's clothing back in the 1970's. I would buy women's clothing whenever I could, I would rarely wear it, but for some reason it helped calm me. Around the age of 40 I had a strong desire to transition, but I was afraid of how it would affect my wife and young daughters so I buried it again. Finally in Dec 2016 at the age of 54 I realized my lifetime of anger and frustration had been caused by hiding my true self from everyone for decades. I decided then to begin my transition. My daily fits of anger are a thing of the past, my family still loves me, and all my friends are still my friends. I know that I made the right decision, but like so many others I wish I had done it sooner!

I'm 37 and have only recently come to realize that I'm transgender.  I haven't started transitioning yet, but I am seeing a therapist who deals with trans people.  I have always wished I were a girl, though I didn't admit it to anyone, including me.  For years I thought I was just a cross-dresser, but in the last two months my feminine feelings and longings exploded to the point where I was no longer dressing for fun, but out of necessity.  Suddenly my dressing became as full time as I can get away with, not because I think it's amusing, but because I've been denying my true self.  I was scared when I found out that I might be transgender, but once I came to terms with it I began to make peace with it.  So here I am, starting my journey to the real me.

Thank you all for your input (:

Quote from: DEATH13 on June 07, 2018, 10:22:25 AM
Hi everyone, I wanted to ask at what age did you realize you were transgender? My mom says that I'm too old and that if I really was transgender I would have known a lot earlier. I started thinking about it when I was 13 and now I'm 19 and seriously considering it (I'm like 90% sure that I'm transgender but comments from my mom and others are making me doubt myself).

No. That's way too simplistic a view. It doesn't take into account how the human mind behaves. Knowing you don't feel "right" isn't the same thing as knowing why you don't feel right. It isn't the same thing at all. There are many, many people who have gone through a lot of their lives knowing they don't "fit in". That they aren't who the world thinks they are. But not why. And this can be down to a lot of reasons.

1. Denial. The mind is awesome at this. Pretend something isn't happening in the hopes it will go away. No matter how many facts one has at their disposal, burying ones head in the sand and hoping something goes away is usually the path of least resistance. And one the mind is drawn to readily.

2. Ignorance. Knowing what but not why. Admittedly this is less of a thing nowadays, with so much more knowledge available at the click of a mouse. But even so, there are some people, in some places, who don't have the information available to them to put a name to how they're feeling. And without knowing why, you don't know where to go from there. A lot of older people here unfortunately didn't have a name to put to what they were feeling, until they did. Had things been different... who knows. It doesn't change who they are. Only how long they took to take the steps to affect the change to be that person.

3. Persecution. This doesn't have to be personal. Seeing those around you behaving in such a way towards others, as you believe they would to you, were you to say anything, that can be a factor. Growing up in a place where any sort of self discovery and self identification is frowned upon can put you right back in your shell and make you scared to even admit it to yourself, much less others.

4. Low self-esteem. Not trusting your own feelings. Not being sure if the way you feel isn't just a desire to escape your life as it is, to what you wish it could be. This is something I struggled with personally. Depression. Sometimes it's easy to wish you were someone else, just to get away from all the hurt. Just to make it all stop. You don't realise that you not being able to be yourself is the cause of all that hurt.

5. Fear of how it affects others. It's a big change. It's a big change to everyone around you. Sometimes we can be scared of how they'll react. How it might throw their lives into turmoil. How they might react towards us. This doesn't have to be a conscious fear. It can be buried deep down. People can be scared to rock the boat. Deep down. Scared to... assert themselves.

There are probably other reasons I haven't thought of. And this isn't the case with everyone. There are people who know from when they're barely old enough to walk. And don't shy away from doing everything they can to make it known, no matter what. But that's them. It isn't you. And it doesn't have to be you. You have to take life at your own pace, sweetie. You know what you know, when you know. It's your life. Ultimately you are the only one who has control over it. So don't let other people try and guilt trip you into anything, okay?

I believe in you. *big hugs*