Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My story is very similar to a lot or other TS women and if it wasn't for the internet I would have probably still thought that something was wrong with me. I've known since I was 7 years old that I wasn't a "guy" but growing up in a religious conservative south I kept my feelings bottled up and lived my life like society and family said a boy and man should be. I kept the dressing to private and never told a soul. Graduation led to ARMY that led to college and to my wife and last year we celebrated our 20th year. In that time I "came out" to her twice, the first time she seemed confused, didn't ask me any questions.. it was only a couple years into our marriage. I felt embarrassed and I packed up Kristy for 10 years until "she" came out again (this was about 10 years ago) and right after my son was born. There still were not many resources or places to go to talk or understand. My wife thinking it was something "fun" and "kinky" but turned to embarrassment again after Kristy wasn't welcomed if she looked like a "normal" woman. Flash forward another 10 years and Kristy came out again (Last October 2017) but this time I found answers and comradery all over the internet. From videos, advances in physiological classifications and gender types.... I finally felt normal or a sense of understanding.  There isn't anything wrong with me, I just happen to be living inside as a woman with a male outside. At first I was trying to classify myself, reading about gender types, Binary, fluidity and though maybe I was bigender.  I was just amazed that there were so many people like me, and for the first time in my life I went outside my house alone as Kristy, it was just a drive around town, but it felt so right and liberating. I tried to explain this to my wife and that I think I am bigender so for the next few months, I began to order and try on age appropriate clothing, learning makeup, posture and voice and I went out more and more. My wife was "okay" with it as long as my male side came back. I came out to my kids ages 10 & 12 who have not only supported me but have really enjoyed spending time with "Aunt Kristy" For my wife this has been a whirlwind of emotions and turmoil. As time as my real self increased, removing my prosthetics and clothing,  began to feel like I was ripping parts off my body. I started questioning if I was BiGender or transgender that has been living as a male for over 40 years is "easy" to switch back to male.  I started self medicating with Estrofem and Progesterone from November until May (when I had enough confidence to finally meet with a transgender physician that did a physical and prescribed me estradiol injections and progesterone) I am now at a full month of injections and progesterone and I feel amazing... er well my chest hurts like heck (but very welcomed pain!).  I am still not full time, more like 10%... and the longest time would allow about 4 days straight... only because I am not ready to take the next step and to start coming out to friends family and work. Or perhaps I should say my wife isn't, because I want to tell the world! .... but I am not sure I want to invoke pain or embarrassment towards her or the kids friends. She has been supportive, but also drew a line because she is not welcoming, and I can totally understand, she didn't marry a woman. If I transition then we are over.  This very similar to the new TLC series Lost in Transition. I feel a mixture of what they are all going through. So my journey starts here..  I just want to thank all of your posts and support for helping people like me decide to come out and really be who they really are.

Thanks
Kristy

@KristySimsx
Hello Kristy,   I see that this is your very first posting and you have just become a member of Susan's Place please allow me to give you my Official Welcome.

I am glad that you have taken the step to become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your  thoughts with other members here on your first posting and thread.

I am aware from your posting here that you may have many questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
 
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with what you may be going through.

Please allow me to also WELCOME you to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and get involved at your own pace. 

Below, I posted Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

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Hi Kristy  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Welcome Kristy
Though I am not the official welcome girl here your story caught  my eye and I feel  that are stories are quite similar and I'm so glad that you found this place.
I too was born in the pre-internet age way back in 1961 and almost certainly affected by the drug DES which was commonly used back then until it was banned in 1971.
The result of this drug being in my mother's womb Limited testosterone to my brain which developed completely female in a male body. This sounded very similar to your first perceptions you had at age 7.
I grew up in a strict Catholic environment then 12 years in a Catholic School which I felt very similar to what you mentioned and not being able to tell it to anyone and feeling very isolated like you're the only one in the world with this.
But now that Kristy has gained understanding it's very difficult to put the genie back in the bottle when the cork is removed. I also suffer dysphoria  like you mentioned when you had to take off your Prosthetics when we have to go back to the fake male role.
I'm so glad that you are receiving treatment and I hope you can find some kind of equilibrium with your wife and your children.
If there is any place in the world to find the answers you are looking for you are here .
I am just a newbie here and have been here for a very short time but I have found out that this place is jam-packed full of super smart people that can answer just about any question you can come up with.
I know that your situation is a little sticky and is opposing your inner identity that wants to be set free.
but I do commend you for sacrificing your own desires for your family I really think that is very honorable but perhaps in time a balance can be  struck that can be acceptable to your wife and children.
I am certain if you interact with the members here you can gain insight through there experience.
Like I said I'm just a newbie here and barely the tip of a iceberg that contains a huge amount of knowledge and experience that lies below just hang around here and see for yourself that you are among your own kind now and you will find that the members here can provide answers you seek.
All the best for your future my friend and welcome to Susan's
                Love Tatiana

Thanks for the kind words and support. I do worry what's to become of the future. I am so torn and often feel as if I am being selfish to want to be me, because for me I feel I have not been honest with myself or my family.  We are still trying to figure it out and times I just want to pack it all up and give everyone their father/husband/friend back. If only I had a magic wand!

Kristy

Hello Kristy
Hon  I wish I had that magic wand and a crystal ball to give to you but unfortunately I do not.
You've definitely got a sticky situation and I know there are many members out here that are also in a very similar situation I would suggest starting a new topic with this in the transexual talk MTF forum.
There are members there far more experienced with Minds greater than mine.
some of the more experienced members might not see this here, but they might but again I would suggest going to The Forum I recommended.

I hope to get to know you better in the future take care, hugs Tatiana

Hey Kristy
first off don't be afraid of making mistakes here I make plenty of them and they haven't thrown me out yet everyone is really super loving and caring here unlike the real world but I forgot to tell you you might want to throw out your story in the transgender talk forum also
it's a much broader more used forum but it's not quite as specific as the first one I mentioned on my previous reply

Tatiana

Ditto and thanks for the advice Tatiana :)

Thanks Kristy
I'll be sure to be looking for you in the other fourms Dear, I couldn't possibly be happier to be of any service or in the future.
See ya, Tatiana