Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: leah abigale on July 02, 2018, 06:40:33 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Stuck on coming out to family
Post by: leah abigale on July 02, 2018, 06:40:33 PM
Post by: leah abigale on July 02, 2018, 06:40:33 PM
Hi there , I am a married male from the UK and have 3 children (1 has learning disabilities and 1 how has lots of worries )
My wife and I have been married since 2016 and we have been together since 2006 , my wife knows that I use to wear female clothing and it never bothered her ....
A bit of a back story to help lol
I grew up with a dad who was in the army and now no longer serving after I was born .. I took interest in help my dad with cars but one day I stole a pair of my mum's underwear at the time and wore them in secret but then later was found out , as time went on I was about 15/16 i bought a cream leather skirt from eBay and black leather knee high boots and I felt more relaxed in the outfit and the I got found out again and had to get rid of them ... so let's fast forward in time to 2007 / 2008 I worked in a clothing factory with the in laws and one day my other half left her phone at work and I was asked to go and get it and I stalled and tried on a skirt that I previously had seen and for a brief moment I was relaxed again and felt happier in it ... in 2017 we was out shopping I mentioned to my wife that I was a bit jealous that the opposite sex had better clothes as males a limited to pants or short in summer and a better range of shoes and she asked me do I want to be come a female and I lied and said no but deep down I wanted to be one .
When I look in the mirror I see a female wanting to escape and I'm frightened that I will lose everything and I don't have support from my parents as they have disowned me .....
Please help me
Many thanks Leah
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My wife and I have been married since 2016 and we have been together since 2006 , my wife knows that I use to wear female clothing and it never bothered her ....
A bit of a back story to help lol
I grew up with a dad who was in the army and now no longer serving after I was born .. I took interest in help my dad with cars but one day I stole a pair of my mum's underwear at the time and wore them in secret but then later was found out , as time went on I was about 15/16 i bought a cream leather skirt from eBay and black leather knee high boots and I felt more relaxed in the outfit and the I got found out again and had to get rid of them ... so let's fast forward in time to 2007 / 2008 I worked in a clothing factory with the in laws and one day my other half left her phone at work and I was asked to go and get it and I stalled and tried on a skirt that I previously had seen and for a brief moment I was relaxed again and felt happier in it ... in 2017 we was out shopping I mentioned to my wife that I was a bit jealous that the opposite sex had better clothes as males a limited to pants or short in summer and a better range of shoes and she asked me do I want to be come a female and I lied and said no but deep down I wanted to be one .
When I look in the mirror I see a female wanting to escape and I'm frightened that I will lose everything and I don't have support from my parents as they have disowned me .....
Please help me
Many thanks Leah
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Stuck on coming out to family
Post by: Rachel on July 02, 2018, 06:48:44 PM
Post by: Rachel on July 02, 2018, 06:48:44 PM
Hi Leah,
Is there a gender therapist you can discuss this with? If not can you find any support system like a friend or a trans group? I say this because it helps to go over your feelings with someone in person and with a professional.
Trans is a spectrum and everyone is different. So woman fully transition and some wear female clothing and there is everything in-between.
How do you think your wife would respond? How old are your children?
Is there a gender therapist you can discuss this with? If not can you find any support system like a friend or a trans group? I say this because it helps to go over your feelings with someone in person and with a professional.
Trans is a spectrum and everyone is different. So woman fully transition and some wear female clothing and there is everything in-between.
How do you think your wife would respond? How old are your children?
Title: Re: Stuck on coming out to family
Post by: Janes Groove on July 02, 2018, 07:02:40 PM
Post by: Janes Groove on July 02, 2018, 07:02:40 PM
My advice, for what it's worth, is to come out to your wife at least and see how that goes. You are sharing your life with her and that's a pretty big secret to be keeping from your partner. It's not good for either of you though it may fool you into thinking it is. A secret left to it's own devices will color your whole life and steal from you immeasurable amounts of energy as you are constantly feeding your precious energy into it and it gives you nothing in return. It makes you feel resentful and it puts up a wall between you and your loved ones.
It won't be easy, that's for sure, but to keep going forward day after day, year after year, with this secret eating away at you is really no way to live. Believe me. I've been there. It's bad.
It won't be easy, that's for sure, but to keep going forward day after day, year after year, with this secret eating away at you is really no way to live. Believe me. I've been there. It's bad.
Title: Re: Stuck on coming out to family
Post by: leah abigale on July 03, 2018, 12:30:52 AM
Post by: leah abigale on July 03, 2018, 12:30:52 AM
Quote from: Rachel on July 02, 2018, 06:48:44 PMHi Rachel,
Hi Leah,
Is there a gender therapist you can discuss this with? If not can you find any support system like a friend or a trans group? I say this because it helps to go over your feelings with someone in person and with a professional.
Trans is a spectrum and everyone is different. So woman fully transition and some wear female clothing and there is everything in-between.
How do you think your wife would respond? How old are your children?
That is my biggest fear not knowing how she will take it and my children are 4 , 7, 9 and my aim is to be a woman not a cross dresser
Many thanks
Leah
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Title: Re: Stuck on coming out to family
Post by: annaleaver on July 03, 2018, 02:59:21 AM
Post by: annaleaver on July 03, 2018, 02:59:21 AM
Quote from: leah abigale on July 02, 2018, 06:40:33 PM
Hi there , I am a married male from the UK and have 3 children (1 has learning disabilities and 1 how has lots of worries )
My wife and I have been married since 2016 and we have been together since 2006 , my wife knows that I use to wear female clothing and it never bothered her ....
A bit of a back story to help lol
I grew up with a dad who was in the army and now no longer serving after I was born .. I took interest in help my dad with cars but one day I stole a pair of my mum's underwear at the time and wore them in secret but then later was found out , as time went on I was about 15/16 i bought a cream leather skirt from eBay and black leather knee high boots and I felt more relaxed in the outfit and the I got found out again and had to get rid of them ... so let's fast forward in time to 2007 / 2008 I worked in a clothing factory with the in laws and one day my other half left her phone at work and I was asked to go and get it and I stalled and tried on a skirt that I previously had seen and for a brief moment I was relaxed again and felt happier in it ... in 2017 we was out shopping I mentioned to my wife that I was a bit jealous that the opposite sex had better clothes as males a limited to pants or short in summer and a better range of shoes and she asked me do I want to be come a female and I lied and said no but deep down I wanted to be one .
When I look in the mirror I see a female wanting to escape and I'm frightened that I will lose everything and I don't have support from my parents as they have disowned me .....
Please help me
Many thanks Leah
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Coming out really is one of the most difficult and emotional experiences a trans person experiences. I wrote a letter to my family, and a very emotional conversation came later, but I felt this was as good way as any to do it...Being under the impression that people will disown you is normal I think...it was for me. I had concerns regarding my family, or job managers who might fire me etc, but people as a whole are genuinely accepting. I hope this helps a bit.
anastasia x
Title: Re: Stuck on coming out to family
Post by: Megan. on July 03, 2018, 02:59:33 AM
Post by: Megan. on July 03, 2018, 02:59:33 AM
Hi Leah [emoji5].
I live in Bedfordshire and transitioned full-time just over a year ago. I have two young children (6 and 4), and while some marriages do survive, sadly mine didn't. My children visit with me at weekends, and have had a mixed reaction to my transition. This sounds negative, but it takes everyone time to transition with us, alot of patience is often needed.
My first step on this journey was to find a good therapist, she was the first person I came out to, before my wife, family and then friends. Friends, most of my family, neighbours and colleagues have all been great.
Just remember that gender and transition is a spectrum, take your time, experiment with little/subtle changes and then reflect on those, and see if you need to go further.
Good luck, you've got friends here. X
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I live in Bedfordshire and transitioned full-time just over a year ago. I have two young children (6 and 4), and while some marriages do survive, sadly mine didn't. My children visit with me at weekends, and have had a mixed reaction to my transition. This sounds negative, but it takes everyone time to transition with us, alot of patience is often needed.
My first step on this journey was to find a good therapist, she was the first person I came out to, before my wife, family and then friends. Friends, most of my family, neighbours and colleagues have all been great.
Just remember that gender and transition is a spectrum, take your time, experiment with little/subtle changes and then reflect on those, and see if you need to go further.
Good luck, you've got friends here. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Stuck on coming out to family
Post by: leah abigale on July 04, 2018, 01:46:46 AM
Post by: leah abigale on July 04, 2018, 01:46:46 AM
Thank you all so much for understanding me and I lack the confidence to speak about my true self but I do want to change as I look in the mirror and I see a female not a male
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Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk