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It has been a year and a half since my surgery and I have yet to experience any kind of pleasure or an orgasm. I would like to, I really really would, but I can't. I don't know what to do and am too poor to fix what needs to be done. It depresses the hell out me, so I don't try any more. I hate it.

Please tell me I'm not alone because I'm jealous asf of those of u who can.

Oh, poor PhoenixGurl. I've had problems with orgasm after surgery too and know how much it is awful.. hugs, be strong

Do you have sensation?

Quote from: AnonyMs on July 12, 2018, 01:05:59 AM
Do you have sensation?

No, I wouldn't say so.


I don't think about it, i Keep myself super busy so I can not try. I tried tonight and that was a mistake. I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.

It reminds me when I had such problem. I'm sitting up front of the monitor and I'm crying  :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2:

I wish I be able to help

You are not alone. This is a complicated subject for me personally. I think there are a number of potential reasons for this. It could be physical. It could be inappropriate thoughts for stimulating orgasm. It could be someone putting too much pressure on themselves. A fear of failure can cause the whole thing not to work. The thing to do is to try not to freak out. There  are some books out there for helping with this I'm sure. Sorry for your stress, but you are not alone.

It also might be, that you need a right person to experience the orgasm with. I mean, a long route, getting attracted, dating and so on...and then sex...and if you are aroused enough, it might happen, with a right person. Perhaps not the first time, perhaps not the second, but it can.

But just trying to achieve orgasm for the purpose of getting it, will make it impossible.

I noticed pre-op that I lost the ability feel pretty much anything downstairs after some months, didn´t feel a thing.

But there has been few guys who I really liked and I could experience my first ever anal orgasm....and later something else, that I cannot describe, it wasn´t anal sex, but just licking me on the area where the vagina now is, made me feel something that I hadn´t experience ever before.

You need to give it time and relax. I know, you´ve heard those words before  :)

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. And as what I told others who didn't get it earlier, try to reconnect with what used to aroused you previously pre op, pre hrt. Lock on to that feeling/fantasy and just enjoy the feeling without aiming for the end. The first intention is just to make it pleasurable first, orgasm will come later once you are comfortable with all of the stimulation and can enjoy it thoroughly. It is more of a brain game, unlike our previous equipment (controlled by the little brain down there lol) we need to let the bigger brain play the role in the fantasy. At least this is the way I approach it and never give up, small baby steps.

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I give up. There is no reason to even try and even if I could, I can not afford any correction(s). At times I think "was it worth it". No regrets through, not yet.

Sorry you are having to go through this, stay strong, and don't give up hope, it's possible that the nerves haven't healed yet. Best wishes😊

Hi PhoenixGurl

I know exactly what you mean. Really. But there was really great advice in the messages of support. Do you ever feel turned on my someone you see? Do you ever orgasm in your sleep? That's how it started for me. And then I began to relax, and ththis took en it was the baby steps, physical closeness with someone else, the feel of skin against skin again and passion. I don't experience a huge explosion but more like a consistent wow! BTW, this took me nearly 5 years....

Quote from: PlanetEmma on August 04, 2018, 09:01:02 PM
Hi PhoenixGurl

I know exactly what you mean. Really. But there was really great advice in the messages of support. Do you ever feel turned on my someone you see? Do you ever orgasm in your sleep? That's how it started for me. And then I began to relax, and ththis took en it was the baby steps, physical closeness with someone else, the feel of skin against skin again and passion. I don't experience a huge explosion but more like a consistent wow! BTW, this took me nearly 5 years....

No
No

I am broken, there is no fixing me. It's the price I paid to transition, I have to live with it.

Quote from: PlanetEmma on August 04, 2018, 09:01:02 PM
Hi PhoenixGurl

I know exactly what you mean. Really. But there was really great advice in the messages of support. Do you ever feel turned on my someone you see? Do you ever orgasm in your sleep? That's how it started for me. And then I began to relax, and ththis took en it was the baby steps, physical closeness with someone else, the feel of skin against skin again and passion. I don't experience a huge explosion but more like a consistent wow! BTW, this took me nearly 5 years....

Hi Emma,

Well this is good to know. I am one year post-op, and non-orgasmic.  Penetration for me is not pleasurable, be it a dilator or penis. Not horrible, mind you, but definitely not enjoyable.  I haven't really come close to achieving an orgasm through masturbation either, so it is rather discouraging.

My surgeon has recommended testosterone cream, which I have reluctantly assented to. As she says, "Sensation is not the same thing as arousal."  Very true. I have plenty of sensation, but not in a good way.  I can get some arousal if I have sexy thoughts or watch porn or whatnot - I do get some wetness down there, so physically things seem to work. It definitely seems to be more of a mental thing.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing their experiences!

with kindness,

Terri

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on August 16, 2018, 03:53:58 AM
Hi Emma,

Well this is good to know. I am one year post-op, and non-orgasmic.  Penetration for me is not pleasurable, be it a dilator or penis. Not horrible, mind you, but definitely not enjoyable.  I haven't really come close to achieving an orgasm through masturbation either, so it is rather discouraging.

My surgeon has recommended testosterone cream, which I have reluctantly assented to. As she says, "Sensation is not the same thing as arousal."  Very true. I have plenty of sensation, but not in a good way.  I can get some arousal if I have sexy thoughts or watch porn or whatnot - I do get some wetness down there, so physically things seem to work. It definitely seems to be more of a mental thing.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing their experiences!

with kindness,

Terri

There is nothing, no feeling, no sensation, no arousal, no need thing. I am broken period.

During my transition I went through a period of reduced desire and ability, a total loss of ability, and  eventually almost full recovery of both. The  brain is the biggest sexual organ. If it's in your head that you can't/won't enjoy sex, you won't. I'd recommend a sexual wellness counselor. Good luck!

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn on August 16, 2018, 09:47:21 AM
During my transition I went through a period of reduced desire and ability, a total loss of ability, and  eventually almost full recovery of both. The  brain is the biggest sexual organ. If it's in your head that you can't/won't enjoy sex, you won't. I'd recommend a sexual wellness counselor. Good luck!

Hugs, Devlyn

I would not even know the first place to start, non the less how that would help me being post op.

Quote from: PhoenixGurl2016 on August 16, 2018, 10:06:26 AM
I would not even know the first place to start, non the less how that would help me being post op.

Google is your friend.  :)

https://worldassociationofsexcoaches.org

Quote from: Devlyn on August 16, 2018, 10:16:14 AM
Google is your friend.  :)

https://worldassociationofsexcoaches.org

*Shrug*

Quote from: PhoenixGurl2016 on August 16, 2018, 10:17:40 AM
*Shrug*

This is a community of people trying to support and help others. Appreciation for the time and energy they give voluntarily is polite, but to ask for advice then bluntly reject a good and practical response out of hand is ungrateful.


Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Quote from: Megan. on August 16, 2018, 11:29:27 AM
This is a community of people trying to support and help others. Appreciation for the time and energy they give voluntarily is polite, but to ask for advice then bluntly reject a good and practical response out of hand is ungrateful.


Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

*Shrug*

Quote from: PhoenixGurl2016 on August 16, 2018, 10:17:40 AM
*Shrug*

My advice was free, and apparently you feel it was worth every penny.  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Quote from: PhoenixGurl2016 on August 16, 2018, 11:31:43 AM
*Shrug*

<finds stuff scraped from under exquisite nails more interesting>

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Maybe I missed it, but I don't think one person said - go buy a vibrator! 

If it's still no go, give it time.  There could possibly be a technical/medical reason/error which may or may not be fixable.  Hopefully you didn't just have SRS for sexual reasons though.  There's so much more to life.

Quote from: ShotGal on August 17, 2018, 02:04:59 PM
Maybe I missed it, but I don't think one person said - go buy a vibrator! 

If it's still no go, give it time.  There could possibly be a technical/medical reason/error which may or may not be fixable.  Hopefully you didn't just have SRS for sexual reasons though.  There's so much more to life.

Tried a vibrator and it didn't work. I am guessing the fact that my clit was healed over doesn't help ether lol. That may be the problem? But I can not afford revision surgery, so I guess I am stuck.

No I did not have it for sexual reasons but not having sexual pleasure makes life feel like I'm missing out on an important part of being human and am broken because of it. Having felt pleasure before srs and now being unable to only makes it more painful.

Have you tried foreplay? If your by yourself, set aside a half hour or more where you can be totally relaxed. Laying in a relaxed position, think sexy thoughts. It can be a lover playing with your breasts or caressing your body. If your T levels are sufficient, this should bring you to a state of sexual excitement. If your unable to reach this state, it's difficult to reach a climax. A feminine body operates entirely different than a male body. The advantage of a feminine body is that the experience is a full body experience instead of a somewhat local experience.

Quote from: PhoenixGurl2016 on August 17, 2018, 02:38:18 PM
Tried a vibrator and it didn't work. I am guessing the fact that my clit was healed over doesn't help ether lol. That may be the problem? But I can not afford revision surgery, so I guess I am stuck.

No I did not have it for sexual reasons but not having sexual pleasure makes life feel like I'm missing out on an important part of being human and am broken because of it. Having felt pleasure before srs and now being unable to only makes it more painful.

Well, hon, vibrators don't work for me, either. I haven't had an orgasm in over three years.  Intercourse was painful, and I can't masturbate. It's not where I wanted to be, but I am going to try testosterone cream, and if that doesn't work I'll try something else. 

I don't want to sound unsympathetic, because I have felt very, very discouraged about my own lack of sexual function. I have recently posted as much in another thread. It's really hard being trans, and transitioning can be hell. For the lucky ones who actually make transition happen, it seems common to compare ourselves to cis-girls and complain about what is wrong with us. I admit that I am guilty of that.

I have no regrets, though. I'd rather be a sexually non-functional female than a functional male.  You say it's not about sex, but all you seem to focus on is lamenting your lack of sexual function. Maybe you forgot from whence you came?  A lot of trans girls never even get a shot at SRS.  Like @Megan said, there is so much more to life than just sex. Like being in love, for example. We are not just our bodies. Isn't that what we tell everyone?   

Be well. I hope you find some peace of mind.

Terri

Quote from: Dena on August 17, 2018, 06:38:30 PM
Have you tried foreplay? If your by yourself, set aside a half hour or more where you can be totally relaxed. Laying in a relaxed position, think sexy thoughts. It can be a lover playing with your breasts or caressing your body. If your T levels are sufficient, this should bring you to a state of sexual excitement. If your unable to reach this state, it's difficult to reach a climax. A feminine body operates entirely different than a male body. The advantage of a feminine body is that the experience is a full body experience instead of a somewhat local experience.

I have tried this and it never worked. I always felt like sh*t afterwards and super depressed. I rather spend my time doing something else.

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on August 17, 2018, 07:07:08 PM
Well, hon, vibrators don't work for me, either. I haven't had an orgasm in over three years.  Intercourse was painful, and I can't masturbate. It's not where I wanted to be, but I am going to try testosterone cream, and if that doesn't work I'll try something else. 

I don't want to sound unsympathetic, because I have felt very, very discouraged about my own lack of sexual function. I have recently posted as much in another thread. It's really hard being trans, and transitioning can be hell. For the lucky ones who actually make transition happen, it seems common to compare ourselves to cis-girls and complain about what is wrong with us. I admit that I am guilty of that.

I have no regrets, though. I'd rather be a sexually non-functional female than a functional male.  You say it's not about sex, but all you seem to focus on is lamenting your lack of sexual function. Maybe you forgot from whence you came?  A lot of trans girls never even get a shot at SRS.  Like @Megan said, there is so much more to life than just sex. Like being in love, for example. We are not just our bodies. Isn't that what we tell everyone?   

Be well. I hope you find some peace of mind.

Terri

You are 100% right and I am trying to get past that and open myself up. It is always a process.

Like I said before, you perhaps need to find someone right for you, who will get you excited and aroused.

Also, depending on whatkind of person you are, you might need somekind of other stimulation well before any sex is even in consideration;

- Reading, something romantic, perhaps something sexy or just plain porn?
- Movies, again...from romantic to soft porn
- HC porn...in allkind of flavors. Try out, what worked before might not work now
- Imagination, picturing a date from start to finish and to next morning
- Touching your body all over the place, not just between your legs

I´m 6 weeks post-op now and I have no idea if I´m able to achieve orgasm ever again or not. But what I can tell you, that I´m super horny. I mean really. I have a really hard time of controlling myself and trying to follow the 2 month rule from surgeon that no sex. When 2 months has passed...it´s pants off!

And to be honest, even if I don´t achieve orgasm, I can feel, that I can enjoy sex in a different way than before. It´s not about orgasm. My horny feeling is not even about orgasm, it´s something else.

You need to find that something else!

Quote from: Mendi on August 18, 2018, 01:11:54 AM
Like I said before, you perhaps need to find someone right for you, who will get you excited and aroused.

Also, depending on whatkind of person you are, you might need somekind of other stimulation well before any sex is even in consideration;

- Reading, something romantic, perhaps something sexy or just plain porn?
- Movies, again...from romantic to soft porn
- HC porn...in allkind of flavors. Try out, what worked before might not work now
- Imagination, picturing a date from start to finish and to next morning
- Touching your body all over the place, not just between your legs

I´m 6 weeks post-op now and I have no idea if I´m able to achieve orgasm ever again or not. But what I can tell you, that I´m super horny. I mean really. I have a really hard time of controlling myself and trying to follow the 2 month rule from surgeon that no sex. When 2 months has passed...it´s pants off!

And to be honest, even if I don´t achieve orgasm, I can feel, that I can enjoy sex in a different way than before. It´s not about orgasm. My horny feeling is not even about orgasm, it´s something else.

You need to find that something else!

I have not been horny after srs:(

Quote from: PhoenixGurl2016 on August 18, 2018, 01:15:19 AM
I have not been horny after srs:(

Were you active sexually before srs? And sorry if I´m asking too personal questions.

Just wondering what´s the difference between people is. I was never really that active sexually and now I feel a bit freakish, as I´m going through the roof with my horny feelings and I hear everybody else saying, that after srs you wont even think about sex until after months and months. And I´ve been like this for few weeks already.

Quote from: Mendi on August 18, 2018, 01:25:27 AM
Were you active sexually before srs? And sorry if I´m asking too personal questions.

Just wondering what´s the difference between people is. I was never really that active sexually and now I feel a bit freakish, as I´m going through the roof with my horny feelings and I hear everybody else saying, that after srs you wont even think about sex until after months and months. And I´ve been like this for few weeks already.

I was before I transitioned not after and before the surgery.

Quote from: PhoenixGurl2016 on August 17, 2018, 02:38:18 PM
... I am guessing the fact that my clit was healed over doesn't help either lol. That may be the problem? But I can not afford revision surgery, so I guess I am stuck.

Not necessarily. I don't even have a clitoris* but miraculously can still bring myself to orgasm but my libido and interest in sex in general and ability to do this at all is tied directly into adding Prometrium (micronized bio-identical progesterone) into my HRT regime. Without it, I'm pretty flat but that's not saying I don't enjoy sex or that I don't have pleasure, it's just that orgasms are elusive and therefore aren't necessarily a goal I feel unsatisfied or frustrated about if they don't happen.

Some have suggested testosterone cream or gel but personally, the thought of that freaks me out a little even though some swear by it and some doctors recommend it. Things work best for me when my estrogen levels are a little higher than the often targeted 150 to 200 pg/mL range via injectable estradiol valerate and I'm taking the Prometrium every day. Then my desire for sex, be it though masturbation or with a partner is almost a nuisance and I can bring myself to orgasm reliably and regularly. On estrogen alone, this has never been the case for me. The progesterone has been my magic sex bullet without any of the potential side effects of higher testosterone levels. (my T is very low like 5 to 11 ng/dL)

Some say Prometrium makes them feel sleepy or woozy or weird but I've never noticed that in the least. Just hornieness. If you haven't tried it, it might be worth a shot for six months to see if it helps?

I've been on hormones since I was 17 and have probably taken every different formulation they've come up with in the 46 years since then, even some of the stuff we now know isn't good for you. I've even gone through a few periods in my life where I wasn't on any HRT at all for a several years at a time. Nothing has done more for me in the sexy time department and ability to make my stupid body have an orgasm as taking Prometrium with my estrogen. YMMV but I would discuss it with your provider. Without it, I don't even feel like having sex and orgasms become elusive, difficult and infrequent. I like it better when they aren't that. Much better! :)
__________________________________________________________

* Since you do have some anatomical concerns, I'll go on to tell you about my body

True story. I don't even have a clitoris. It fell off! I had surgery 41 years ago in 1977 and the technique and parts used for constructing the clitoris weren't as developed as they are in the modern era. Nowadays, the clitoris is fashioned from the glans penis leaving the dorsal nerve intact and it's pulled up through a little hole they make in the right spot above the urethra.

This animation illustrates the process if you haven't seen it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d90SaWlODlQ

In my case, the glans penis was used to form a pseudo cervix which was pretty dumb and pointless and the dorsal nerve was cut in the general clitoral area. A cosmetic clitoris was created from leftover corpus spongiosum which has some erectile capability and it was pulled up through that same little hole they still make and use with a suture looped around it to hold it in place. Somewhat often though, that little loop of stitch was tied too tight cutting off blood flow to the little fellow and necrosis was the result. This happened to me. I have no visual clitoris and even if I did, it wouldn't have been connected to the dorsal nerve anyway.

Commonly, natal females have a buried clitoris or it's completely hooded over and can't come out to play so the visual lack of me having one never really bothered me and none of my sexual partners have ever said anything about it. If I look really closely and move things around, I can even find the little 1.5mm hole where it would have been pulled through which is a little weird but kind of interesting. I don't make a habit of looking at my genitals though.

But, the end of my cut dorsal nerve is somewhere in the clitoral location and is my most sensate area but it takes A LOT of direct pressure to get to it. A lot more than you would think and sometimes even fingers aren't enough and I have to use something hard.  A light touch, vibrators or cunnilingus feels about as good as touching my elbow which is kind of a drag but I do know what it takes for me to reach orgasm and don't really have a problem showing other interested parties what it takes.

For 85% of natal females, penetrative intercourse alone without supplemental clitoral stimulation rarely if ever results in orgasm and this has been true for me as well even if I technically don't have a clitoris. What feels good to me is still in the same area but it just takes a ton of pressure to get deep enough to hit the nerves that give me the O.

Maybe you're just being too gentle especially if your magic bits were healed over? Just a thought. I, like others are only trying to help but I certainly can understand your frustration and disappointment.

QuoteNo I did not have it for sexual reasons

I did or being able to sexually function normally was certainly a big factor for me whether orgasm was to be a part of that or not? There seems to be a taboo citing any sort of sexual motivation for having SRS that I'm not quite sure I understand but I'm a little different and there's a lot of things I don't understand.

Quotenot having sexual pleasure makes life feel like I'm missing out on an important part of being human and am broken because of it.

I'm sorry you feel that way but don't let this snowball into a self-fulfilling prophecy or get too stuck in a loop thinking that you're broken. Attitude and perception goes a long way finding happiness. Sorry if it sounds mean to say that.

Quote from: Lisa_K on August 18, 2018, 03:11:57 PM
There seems to be a taboo citing any sort of sexual motivation for having SRS that I'm not quite sure I understand but I'm a little different and there's a lot of things I don't understand.

My thoughts exactly and one reason why I think I´m now suddenly super horny.

The times that I had sex as a male in 20+ years can be counted with two hands and from those, half were more than disappointments. But it didn´t mean that I didn´t want sex, just not with the things that I had, as there was no connection between my brain and the thing.

I can admit, that for me SRS in order of importance was; Social acceptance, sexual function and body image. And body image being the least of worries, as before SRS I rarely was naked anywhere.

But yes, it´s a taboo to say, that I wanted SRS to enjoy sex finally in this life! And I´m saying it. I wanted to enjoy sex too!

I don´t really care what people say or think. People say all sorts of thing. Who cares.

I think a lot of us like to constantly remain hopeful and positive as transitioning is pretty awful enough without the additional problems. The issue with this is that we sometimes fail to accept that sometimes some of us ARE broken by SRS. Some of us come out the other end completely void of any kind of sexual function, at least in the genital region. When people give all of the cosmo-esque advice about foreplay and romantic literature, they fail to understand that when you have NOTHING, zero, nada in the genital region, a flick through 50 shades of grey isn't going to suddenly fill you with vitality again. One can't experience pleasure (let alone orgasm) from reading erotica and rubbing their knee-cap which is about as much sensation as my genitalia has now 2 years post-op.

There comes a point where it's probably healthier to just accept that surgery went wrong and a lot of what most women are capable of sexually, you aren't and it sucks but we have to get over it some how.
And don't worry, I get you about the masturbating and becoming depressed thing, but it's been 2 years for me and I have absolutely nothing resembling pleasure downstairs and it sounds like you're in the same boat, so I have been actively trying to accept it and move on somehow.

-Clitoris? What clitoris?
-Vibrators? Nope, may as well put it on my thigh.
-Penetration? What for? My prostate or "G-spot" has completely died from all the years of HRT to the point where I can't ACTUALLY locate it nor feel it.

I'm not trying to be a negative nancy, I'm just being realistic. Nor am I saying that you ARE "broken", I'm just saying you could be which is a reality a lot of people here don't want to acknowledge. By broken I don't mean anything bad, purely that you no longer function sexually.

You have my utmost sympathy, as I had my surgery at 21 and i'm now 23. I know the feeling of utter despair and jealousy related to losing everything downstairs, especially as a young person who's supposed to be in the "sexual prime of their life".

The only thing I get from attempting to feel something or anything downstairs is sexual frustration and depression.

This is the most real and honest reply I have gotten yet (nothing against anyone else). Thank you. I just wanted to know I am not alone *hug*

Quote from: Aibhilín on September 10, 2018, 09:44:39 PM
I think a lot of us like to constantly remain hopeful and positive as transitioning is pretty awful enough without the additional problems. The issue with this is that we sometimes fail to accept that sometimes some of us ARE broken by SRS. Some of us come out the other end completely void of any kind of sexual function, at least in the genital region. When people give all of the cosmo-esque advice about foreplay and romantic literature, they fail to understand that when you have NOTHING, zero, nada in the genital region, a flick through 50 shades of grey isn't going to suddenly fill you with vitality again. One can't experience pleasure (let alone orgasm) from reading erotica and rubbing their knee-cap which is about as much sensation as my genitalia has now 2 years post-op.

There comes a point where it's probably healthier to just accept that surgery went wrong and a lot of what most women are capable of sexually, you aren't and it sucks but we have to get over it some how.
And don't worry, I get you about the masturbating and becoming depressed thing, but it's been 2 years for me and I have absolutely nothing resembling pleasure downstairs and it sounds like you're in the same boat, so I have been actively trying to accept it and move on somehow.

-Clitoris? What clitoris?
-Vibrators? Nope, may as well put it on my thigh.
-Penetration? What for? My prostate or "G-spot" has completely died from all the years of HRT to the point where I can't ACTUALLY locate it nor feel it.

I'm not trying to be a negative nancy, I'm just being realistic. Nor am I saying that you ARE "broken", I'm just saying you could be which is a reality a lot of people here don't want to acknowledge. By broken I don't mean anything bad, purely that you no longer function sexually.

You have my utmost sympathy, as I had my surgery at 21 and i'm now 23. I know the feeling of utter despair and jealousy related to losing everything downstairs, especially as a young person who's supposed to be in the "sexual prime of their life".

The only thing I get from attempting to feel something or anything downstairs is sexual frustration and depression.

Quote from: PhoenixGurl2016 on September 10, 2018, 10:01:38 PM
This is the most real and honest reply I have gotten yet (nothing against anyone else). Thank you. I just wanted to know I am not alone *hug*

You're most welcome. You are definitely not alone.

This is some tough love from Aibhilín. Pretty rare around here.  Nevertheless, l will offer my two cents. I suggest a session with Dr. Hitachi. Make sure you are forth coming with your favourite erotic fantasy. Of
course if you are totally insensate, can't feel a thing in that area then perhaps even my good friend Dr. HITACHI  will be unable to help.

I really do not know what a female orgasm feels like or that's at least what I think.
I had my SRS done 5months ago. Currently I would say still in the healing stages?
Sensations well I would say are pretty numb in the region, its like feeling a layer of skin on TOP of your original, well not sure if that is the best way to describe.
Recently I have been trying to see if my sensations or at least the sensitivity of the region and well fingering does nothing much to help.... after several attempts I almost gave up, which is then I realised that the mind is the key control to getting me aroused (well I Guess it takes some effort), honestly I can understand why some feels difficult to get aroused, me too. The momentum to it comes as quick and fast as it goes. So to sustain to push for an orgasm, I would say is pretty challenging. The sex drive can easily go uphill midway and the next just come crashing down where you just feel like giving up.
My initial orgasm really was to keep my mind active and pretty much getting my mind into the sexual role and rubbing my knees in following the flow. I do get some sensations coming from there subsequently but as mentioned, it comes as fast as it goes. Accompanying is some discharge but not much. I need to keep on pushing it, the mind here is the biggest determining factor honestly and it really takes some effort for it.
There will come a point when you reach a peak which will leave your privates clenching repeatedly, but honestly I would say that if this is the climax, perhaps then its not as powerful compared to my old equipment. It's a good feeling but will leave you exhausted and yes there are quite a fair bit of discharge. Clear but sticky. BUT honestly I am not sure if that is an orgasm. I have never attempted more than once as it really leave you exhausted without strength of a repeat. I also would like to know if that is classified as an orgasm?

Seriously to achieve this (perhaps not orgasm) really depends on the mind. As mentioned by others in the forum, it takes massive effort (I am not a sex crazed person) and really need to be in tune with the physical to achieve this. Don't give up, give it a few attempts slowly picking up the momentum each time. I had more than 20 failed attempts before getting the mind to work in tune. Just my 2 cents worth.

Don't try too hard.  It took me almost two years to have an orgasm despite playing with myself on a continual basis.  Gradually the numb parts became sensate and my first orgasm happened by mistake - I was dilating and it suddenly felt so good and then I got a little buzz and I had a tiny orgasm but it was still an orgasm.  Now I have two kinds of orgasms.  One I call my inside orgasm and the other my outside orgasm.  My inside orgasm happens when I am playing with a dildo or having penetrative sex and it is a whole body orgasm with trembling and shuddering pleasure.  The outside orgasm is when I masturbate my clitoris and rub the area just above the clitoris.  This orgasm is a more localized clitoral orgasm reminiscent of the orgasms I had prior to SRS and in fact I ejaculate a clear fluid most times.  I have no fluid ejaculation at all with my inside orgasm.  So don't give up - I almost did and I am glad that I persevered.

Take care,

Tracy

Quote from: tracya1980 on October 14, 2018, 03:04:40 PM
Don't try too hard.  It took me almost two years to have an orgasm despite playing with myself on a continual basis.  Gradually the numb parts became sensate and my first orgasm happened by mistake - I was dilating and it suddenly felt so good and then I got a little buzz and I had a tiny orgasm but it was still an orgasm.  Now I have two kinds of orgasms.  One I call my inside orgasm and the other my outside orgasm.  My inside orgasm happens when I am playing with a dildo or having penetrative sex and it is a whole body orgasm with trembling and shuddering pleasure.  The outside orgasm is when I masturbate my clitoris and rub the area just above the clitoris.  This orgasm is a more localized clitoral orgasm reminiscent of the orgasms I had prior to SRS and in fact I ejaculate a clear fluid most times.  I have no fluid ejaculation at all with my inside orgasm.  So don't give up - I almost did and I am glad that I persevered.

Take care,

Tracy

I have no motivation to even try, I have not played with myself in months despite having to dilate. I have moved on with my life and try not to think about it. It sucks, it really freaking sucks but negatives do exist, I mean it could be alot worse right?

For those here who are post-op and don't feel much of anything, did you guys play around much without the male fun stick when you were pre-op (like tuck and then rub, use a vibrator where the clit would be, tuck and then grind on something like a pillow or the side of a bath tub, etc) or did you just keep using those male parts up until they were gone and never really explored much without them?

I'm still pre-op.  So all I'll say is this...

Playing with myself was always structured to get as close to the feeling of a woman being loved by a man that truly & deeply loved her.

Those orgasms always hit harder, were more broadly enjoyed,  and lasted longer than when I was fulfilling the male role in the relationship.


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PhoenixGurl2016, if it is not indiscreet who is the surgeon who performed your SRS?

Quote from: Lucie on October 18, 2018, 02:10:34 AM
PhoenixGurl2016, if it is not indiscreet who is the surgeon who performed your SRS?

Scheter In Chicago (misspelt). It's funny caz of find of mine had her surgery shortly after mind and she was able have an orgasm afterwards. It's depressing

Do not lose hope, I am sure you will get it eventually, probably at a time when you will not expect it.

Quote from: Lucie on October 18, 2018, 11:00:29 AM
Do not lose hope, I am sure you will get it eventually, probably at a time when you will not expect it.

Hope goes out the window when you find that you're lacking a clitoris. Hoping for something that won't ever come (pun not intended) is unhealthy. I'm not saying that orgasm isn't possible in other ways, but when you're null and void downstairs, it won't be coming from that region.

I have really debated whether or not to post this. It is meant to be helpful (hopeful?), not make anyone feel bad. With that said, I was 16 months post op without orgasm. I had my first a week ago. It was small and short in duration, but real. I was convinced it would never happen, before this event. It is weird the way it happened. I started out trying to get mentally going, but not much was happening. For any of you who watched the movie Ghost, you might remember when Patrick Swayzy was trying to move the can when he was a ghost, and he couldn't do it. It was like that. It wasn't moving. The other ghost trying to teach him how to move it said you have to use your gut, not your brain to do it. So, I relaxed a little, I started moving the body rhythmically and started breathing faster and faster. I wasn't close to passing out or anything but that little bit of hyperventilation kind of allowed me to mentally let go and it happened. I have heard it is kind of like a sneeze, you have to let it happen. Use the gut, not the brain. Well, that did it. I write this rather personal account only because I wonder if this is a technique that might let others let go. Oh and make sure you have good batteries. My attempt to duplicate my can kicking was foiled by the ill timed death of my vibrator.  :o If you are sitting there thinking, "Well she has a functioning clitoris and mine isn't working so great," don't be so sure. For me, the clitoris is not really what made it happen. I wish my fellow ghosts luck.

Quote from: HappyMoni on November 03, 2018, 09:42:44 PM
I have really debated whether or not to post this. It is meant to be helpful (hopeful?), not make anyone feel bad. With that said, I was 16 months post op without orgasm. I had my first a week ago. It was small and short in duration, but real. I was convinced it would never happen, before this event. It is weird the way it happened. I started out trying to get mentally going, but not much was happening. For any of you who watched the movie Ghost, you might remember when Patrick Swayzy was trying to move the can when he was a ghost, and he couldn't do it. It was like that. It wasn't moving. The other ghost trying to teach him how to move it said you have to use your gut, not your brain to do it. So, I relaxed a little, I started moving the body rhythmically and started breathing faster and faster. I wasn't close to passing out or anything but that little bit of hyperventilation kind of allowed me to mentally let go and it happened. I have heard it is kind of like a sneeze, you have to let it happen. Use the gut, not the brain. Well, that did it. I write this rather personal account only because I wonder if this is a technique that might let others let go. Oh and make sure you have good batteries. My attempt to duplicate my can kicking was foiled by the ill timed death of my vibrator.  :o If you are sitting there thinking, "Well she has a functioning clitoris and mine isn't working so great," don't be so sure. For me, the clitoris is not really what made it happen. I wish my fellow ghosts luck.

Thank you for sharing that, I wish someday maybe that will happen but coming up on 2 years, I have all but have given up on it

Hi,

I have had an orgasm several times. Then I stopped using T and it became a memory. I restarted T at a super low dose and it did not do much. I am gradually increasing the T and my libido is returning.

3 months post op Dr. McGinn prescribed T. The goal was 30 ng/dl T. I was able to orgasm and I had a libido. My blood was measured to be at 80 ng/dl and I stopped the T. My libido went to zero.

My primary care doctor 3 months ago convinced me to start with T again. I was using a dab every other day. My libido is a little better but no orgasm or a very light orgasm. My T was measured to be less than 3. I just started doing T every day, just a dab and I am getting aroused. I think that is the key for me. I think I can dial in to 30ng/dl T and have a libido.

If you are not on T then consider it.

IMHO the "brain" is the biggest sex organ. (yes, T is certainly a factor in both men and women) I've found thatI  have some tried and true fantasies and if I stray from them, not much happens. I believe this is because those patterns are now programmed in my mind for this result. I had surgery in August of 18.  I was 66. I had been using a vibrator (Hitachi Magic Wand - its huge) to get to orgasm, while tucked, for about 10 years.  It worked the same way afterwards. I got a new vibrator just before surgery but found it vibrated at a slightly different interval and didn't work nearly as well. (I now take VERY good care of my old one) I had my first orgasm about 4 months after surgery.  While I'm not into guys, penetration while using the vibrator, is the quickest way to a decent orgasm for me. I sometimes orgasm vaginally but mostly its centered on my clitoris. I was told by the last Dr that checked my Prostate before surgery that it was the smallest smoothest Prostate he'd ever encountered! He was 82. So, if I can give any advice, I'd say try to go back to fantasies and conditions that worked pre-op, regardless what they were, and if that works, then maybe try to create new ones you like better . . .

Hearing the stories of people getting orgasms post op and not being able really does wonders for the self-confidence...

Quote from: Rachel on November 03, 2018, 10:26:41 PM
3 months post op Dr. McGinn prescribed T. The goal was 30 ng/dl T. I was able to orgasm and I had a libido. My blood was measured to be at 80 ng/dl and I stopped the T. My libido went to zero.

Did you have your free testosterone measured? I think that makes a difference. What affects the amount of free testosterone is the level of Sex Hormone Binding Globulin (SHBG), as it binds Testosterone strongly... and taking estrogen raises that.

I had all those done awhile back... My results were:


Value Standard range
Testosterone 23 ng/dL 20 - 50 ng/dL
Sex Hormone Binding Globulin 106 nmol/L 17 - 125 nmol/L
Testosterone, Free Calculated 6 pmol/L <60 pmol/L


Though total T is in the low normal range, the 6 pmol/L free T seems very low... and I have very little libido... That along with the amount of clitoral necrosis I had after SRS does not help.

- karen

I hope things better for you sis!!  <3 . BIG HUGS

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on August 16, 2018, 03:53:58 AM
Hi Emma,

Well this is good to know. I am one year post-op, and non-orgasmic.  Penetration for me is not pleasurable, be it a dilator or penis. Not horrible, mind you, but definitely not enjoyable.  I haven't really come close to achieving an orgasm through masturbation either, so it is rather discouraging.

My surgeon has recommended testosterone cream, which I have reluctantly assented to. As she says, "Sensation is not the same thing as arousal."  Very true. I have plenty of sensation, but not in a good way.  I can get some arousal if I have sexy thoughts or watch porn or whatnot - I do get some wetness down there, so physically things seem to work. It definitely seems to be more of a mental thing.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing their experiences!

with kindness,

Terri

My suggestion for starting off is to focus on the clit. It will get the fire going. I'm still not very good myself but omg my boyfriend has magic fingers. I've also found that there are toys made to massage it sort of like a vibrator.

Once you're used to that you can move onto penetration

The other thing I can add is don't force things.

Quote from: NatalieRene on November 25, 2018, 06:48:30 PM
My suggestion for starting off is to focus on the clit. It will get the fire going. I'm still not very good myself but omg my boyfriend has magic fingers. I've also found that there are toys made to massage it sort of like a vibrator.

Once you're used to that you can move onto penetration

The other thing I can add is don't force things.

Hi Natalie,

Maybe the secret is to have a partner who loves you? I have played with clitoral region until it hurts. I have pretty much given up on sex and love.

When I transitioned, it was solely for myself. I was hoping to be passable enough to be just another unremarkable middle-aged woman, but I got much further than I could have dreamed. It made me greedy. I wanted to be a fully functional woman, with a partner and a love life.

I think the net result was that I tricked myself out of being satisfied with what I had, which was far more than I thought I would get.  A lot of irony there.

With kindness,

~Terri

My boyfriend is found of the line count your blessings and soon you will be counting sheep. I'm sorry you have no sensation down there but it sounds like you have found your blessings.

Hi Natalie,

In fact I have a lot of sensation in my clitoral region, and in my vagina. The latter is a huge impediment. My gynecologist diagnosed my with dyspareunia (painful penetration). She recommended pelvic floor physical therapy. I was rather dismissive of this. I thought it was mainly for postpartum women who were incontinent or whatnot. 

However, when I went to New York to see Dr. Bluebond-Langner about a possible revision, she also recommended pelvic floor therapy. So, I finally found a place that treated post-op transgenders and was amazed that the therapist could find every spot I hurt.  Unfortunately, my insurance carrier, Aetna, turned down my out-of-network request so I had to stop because the sessions were too expensive. I appealed, and that was denied, so I am going to appeal to OPM (I am a federal employee).  I think that pelvic floor therapy will be greatly beneficial to me.

Quote from: Gail20 on November 04, 2018, 12:14:22 PM
IMHO the "brain" is the biggest sex organ. (yes, T is certainly a factor in both men and women) I've found thatI  have some tried and true fantasies and if I stray from them, not much happens. I believe this is because those patterns are now programmed in my mind for this result. I had surgery in August of 18.  I was 66. I had been using a vibrator (Hitachi Magic Wand - its huge) to get to orgasm, while tucked, for about 10 years.  It worked the same way afterwards. I got a new vibrator just before surgery but found it vibrated at a slightly different interval and didn't work nearly as well. (I now take VERY good care of my old one) I had my first orgasm about 4 months after surgery.  While I'm not into guys, penetration while using the vibrator, is the quickest way to a decent orgasm for me. I sometimes orgasm vaginally but mostly its centered on my clitoris. I was told by the last Dr that checked my Prostate before surgery that it was the smallest smoothest Prostate he'd ever encountered! He was 82. So, if I can give any advice, I'd say try to go back to fantasies and conditions that worked pre-op, regardless what they were, and if that works, then maybe try to create new ones you like better . . .

@Gail20, yes, I agree, and I did try some porn and fetish while masturbating, and almost thought I felt something. But gad, it took a lot of work. I don't think it's hopeless for me, but I post my experiences so that other pre-op girls will know nothing is automatic. SRS is major surgery. I do not regret my decision at all, but I was expecting much more.  I guess that is my counsel to others: manage your expectations.

With kindness,

Terri 

PhoenixGurl2016, my heart goes out to you. screw orgasms, love yourself - whatever that may mean to you, moment to moment. For myself, that is a process and I haven't really figured it out. :)  I often ask the "is"/guides/whatever-that-wishes-well-for-me for understanding just before I go to sleep and sometimes that may change me, but sometimes I may not realize it for a few days or a while. I did/do have to come to terms with the fact that though I had a libido, I was constantly in pain down there and after surgery, the memory of that pain screwed me. Orgasm meant excruciating pain so my brain stopped my body. Subsequent things like UTIs and the like just reminded my brain/body of that pain and shut anything down.  I find that vibrators, other than for the briefest of a second, simply seem like they burn me out and leave me "lifeless". As an aid to relaxing, I have sometimes found/find that listening to "rife" frequencies (eg on youtube, search rife vagina, or rife eyes, or whatever you wish to focus on at the moment)(I use free online convert-to-mp3 sites to download and put on a cheap little mp3 player and listen lying down).
  I do know that I need to get out and walk as that helps my psychie. sometimes it is important for me to briefly let myself be an imp, if only for myself, to have fun with myself.  I could say things like "don't ever give up", and at moments, maybe they are important, but.... A general anesthesia can really screw up my mind and I was heartened when I saw my urologist nod when I was asking the surgeon for a local for the upcoming resection. I don't think folks begin to realize the lasting devastating effects of that on some folks.
  Okay, that's a lot of words. Hopefully a tiny bit of help.  I will watch this thread closely and hope that somehow you are able to find ways to feel better about yourself. mental hugs only if okay.  sometimes we can see that thought creates. :)

i have no sensation either im 16 years post op im not sexually active anyway at moment i think one of my infections damaged my clit

Quote from: jfong on July 12, 2018, 08:24:29 AM
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. And as what I told others who didn't get it earlier, try to reconnect with what used to aroused you previously pre op, pre hrt. Lock on to that feeling/fantasy and just enjoy the feeling without aiming for the end. The first intention is just to make it pleasurable first, orgasm will come later once you are comfortable with all of the stimulation and can enjoy it thoroughly. It is more of a brain game, unlike our previous equipment (controlled by the little brain down there lol) we need to let the bigger brain play the role in the fantasy. At least this is the way I approach it and never give up, small baby steps.

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I second this. I haven't orgasmed lots but enough and when I did it was from previous arousal strategies. Also, invest in a small vibrator; this has helped me. I bought a small, purple one from Walgreens or somewheres.

I've been following this post since it popped up now. I too have desperately been hoping to find something that will help me orgasm. I am now five years postop. I had my surgery with Dr.Bowers. After everything healed I tried and tried and tried but never got anything. <Edited by moderator> So I started to see another doctor who was amazing. She listened and showed real concern. We tried estradiol creams, testosterone creams, combination creams. We tried female viagra, real viagra. We tried oxytocin nasal sprays...and still nothing. I have no sexual desire. Nothing turns me on. But I desire to have desire and the inability to fulfill that creates a deep depression. So I feel for the original poster. I'm in the same boat. I cannot orgasm. The surgery broke me. I think we may just have to accept it. I feel half human. I feel genderless and sexless now. Better than feeling male? Sure...but then I'm sure lobotomy victims felt better too. No longer schizophrenic but longing to feel emotion again. No longer sexual but longing to feel sex again.

Quote from: Rena-san on December 16, 2018, 10:54:06 PM
I've been following this post since it popped up now. I too have desperately been hoping to find something that will help me orgasm. I am now five years postop. I had my surgery with Dr.Bowers. After everything healed I tried and tried and tried but never got anything. <Edited by moderator> So I started to see another doctor who was amazing. She listened and showed real concern. We tried estradiol creams, testosterone creams, combination creams. We tried female viagra, real viagra. We tried oxytocin nasal sprays...and still nothing. I have no sexual desire. Nothing turns me on. But I desire to have desire and the inability to fulfill that creates a deep depression. So I feel for the original poster. I'm in the same boat. I cannot orgasm. The surgery broke me. I think we may just have to accept it. I feel half human. I feel genderless and sexless now. Better than feeling male? Sure...but then I'm sure lobotomy victims felt better too. No longer schizophrenic but longing to feel emotion again. No longer sexual but longing to feel sex again.

Are you sure that it was the surgery that broke you?  I had not had any surgery but do not have any libido for several years now!  Nothing!  I can watch porn movies and turn them off, because they are boring to me!  Sometimes I think I should try to masturbate, but than I think about something different, and all the sex thoughts are forgotten again.
I simply have no libido, and sex of any kind sounds boring to me.
I don't know wat it is with me, why I don't have any libido, but could it be that you have a similar situation, and it is a psychological thing, not a physiological one?

This thought came to me before (in/for this thread), and comes to me now - something you could perhaps try. With your fingers, with the lightest touch possible, touch your hands , move them slowly so that you feel the sensation, that delicious feeling of the lightest touch, ever so slowly, also touch your lips and cheeks, touching only lightly enough to feel that sensation, close your eyes and experiment to get as much of that delicious feeling as you can, try your abdomen, close your eyes and let your mind flow into that feeling, very very slowly, let it consume you, give up to it. do this whenever you can, set aside time just to relax, just for you. Just for you and these feelings. something we used to know - learning to feel again...

I also suggest you go to youtube.com and type jacobson relaxation techniques in the search window and try different ones to see what you like.  This is something that an instructor at Purdue taught me (I was in Boston at the time) when I was almost ready for gcs, but I knew i was still wired and not sufficiently certain.  I found it in a journal at Countway and contacted him. He sent me a tape with the 2 forms - relaxing by tensing, and relaxing by relaxing. I practiced it daily for a couple weeks - game changer.  It changed my life and made my journey much easier. Yes, there were other things I learned from him, but that being-able-to-completely-relax-when-I chose was pivotal to everything else. I had experienced so much pain in my life I had to stop and learn how to completely relax, let go.  I still use this, or a form of it, every day as I continue to work through my stuff. :)