Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Spoke to my sister in England this morning to tell her about my transition. Her reaction.

"You bitch, you should have done it sooner, we could have gone shopping. There's too much testosterone in this family anyway"

I love my sister :-) She's happy she finally gets one too.

@NC_Rose  What a fantastic reaction!!! Surely its worth saving some money to go over and go out for a big shopping spree - GIRLS DAY OUT!!  I'm happy for you!   :)

Sonja.

Quote from: NC_Rose on July 16, 2018, 04:17:22 PM
Spoke to my sister in England this morning to tell her about my transition. Her reaction.

"You bitch, you should have done it sooner, we could have gone shopping. There's too much testosterone in this family anyway"

I love my sister :-) She's happy she finally gets one too.

@NC_Rose  ...
Wow...a terrific report about your sister!!!
It feels so good to get immediate acceptance from loved ones.   Is there anyone else in your family... parents... other siblings, etc... that you will be making an announcement to sometime soon?
I wish you well when that happens...

Please keep us updated.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

So far I have told close friends and one colleague at work, I should be starting HRT Friday, I was going to give it a little time before I tell others. So far, everyone without exception has been happy for me. My wife is amazing I think we are going to be fine.

I have a couple of people I know will be difficult. My brother won't be able to process it, he's very conservative and I think it will break his brain. My wife's parents are very southern and as much as they say they are progressive, I know they aren't. For my birthday I took them to an Indian restaurant near us that does amazing food, a lot of Indian families go there and for good reason. I have never seen a more uncomfortable man in my life. It's like taking a homophobic to a drag queen convention to be kissed by a bear with a beard dyed rainbow colours while riding a unicorn...... now I think about it, that would be funny to see. He's VERY southern and will freak.

My wife's brother will not know how to handle it either. I think that's worrying my wife, telling her parents. I think my son will be fine, he's fighting his own demons, but I honestly think he will be happy for me. He grew up into a good man, but has some depression issues.

The one which will be hard, is my mother. I had a lot of abuse from her when I was young, some serious injuries from her. I spent years hating her and feeling angry, but I have always believed that holding on to anger and hate is like sipping poison every day hoping the other person will die. It's not a good emotion and I am the only person to suffer. She will be difficult. I have made my peace with her, she's an old lady now and is not the same women I remember raising me, so I hold no grudges or bad feelings. She will have a hard time, but to be honest. I really don't care, as long as my wife and son are happy, I can deal with the rest.

So far I am amazed at how happy people are for me, I have had a lot of love and support and the fear holding me back from making this step forward was a mistake. This has been good so far and I know there will be trying times ahead, but with my wife supporting me, I will be OK.

I know not everyone has such a good time with this and my heart genuinely goes out to those who suffer with this first step. I have shed many a tear reading some peoples struggles, it can be heart breaking. This community means a lot to me, so many stories I can relate to and people who understand (and look fabulous doing it too)

Love and Hugs

I did have a fun phone call today. I have insanely curly hair and its past my shoulder blades when wet and on the shoulder when dry. I rang a salon and said, I am trans and want to get my split ends done and have a female hair style.

Her reply was "Oh hun, come on in, we will make you look sassy"

I know it's a small thing, but selecting "women's cut and style" from the menu on her website, made me really happy. I know it's a small thing, but it meant something.

Quote from: NC_Rose on July 16, 2018, 07:53:53 PM
I did have a fun phone call today. I have insanely curly hair and its past my shoulder blades when wet and on the shoulder when dry. I rang a salon and said, I am trans and want to get my split ends done and have a female hair style.

Her reply was "Oh hun, come on in, we will make you look sassy"

I know it's a small thing, but selecting "women's cut and style" from the menu on her website, made me really happy. I know it's a small thing, but it meant something.

@NC_Rose
That is such a terrific happening for you...  a great way for the salon to welcome you.... you "sassy" girl you.  Hopefully you got the name of the one that you talked to so you can thank her (or him) in person when you go in.
You are right about it meant something very special....  and NO, it is not a small thing at all.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

I'm happy for you. Amazing reaction from your sister! And the hair saloon, what a great person you have met on the phone!

Tony

My wife asked me once what I expected her to say about me transitioning. I told her "well, I didnt think you'd say 'cool, lets go shopping'". I was right,  she didn't, but I think its neat that someone actually did have that reaction.

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Quote from: TonyaW on July 16, 2018, 10:29:36 PM
My wife asked me once what I expected her to say about me transitioning. I told her "well, I didnt think you'd say 'cool, lets go shopping'". I was right,  she didn't, but I think its neat that someone actually did have that reaction.

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@TonyaW    I share your great attitude and optimistic view that you expressed....
... that is one the biggest challenges for any transitioner with a spouse or significant other. 
Thank you for your thoughtful comment and encouragement for everyone reading this thread.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Hello NC Rose

Congratulations. I am so pleased your wife and sister (here in UK) completely accept you and I wish you every success both with other members of your family and with your HRT and your transition as a whole.

Hugs

Pamela

I am touched by everyone's support. Thank you all

Hugs

Quote from: pamelatransuk on July 17, 2018, 09:43:29 AMCongratulations. I am so pleased your wife and sister (here in UK) .....

How is transition in the UK as a process? I read the NHS is pretty good with it, I have always had good experiences with the NHS, I need to get home more often.

Cool


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Congrats, sisters are the best.  Mine is basically like yours too.  She takes me shopping, never messed up with my name or pronouns, always points out yummy guys and encourages flirting.  I'm so glad you have great support too.  Keep telling her how important she is to you and how rare.  We are lucky, not everybody has our results with family!

Bari Jo

Quote from: NC_Rose on July 17, 2018, 10:15:17 AM
How is transition in the UK as a process? I read the NHS is pretty good with it, I have always had good experiences with the NHS, I need to get home more often.

My view is that our NHS is excellent for most medical matters and I greatly admire the hard working staff. However it is not adequately funded for Transgender care and indeed if you went to your GP now and were forwarded to regional Gender Identity Clinic, you would be lucky to get a first appointment before 2020. Also GIC would probably not give you hormones unless you were starting RLE - they like you to "prove" yourself.

So I and several other UK members here on Susans chose the private route and one popular and reliable and reasonably priced is GenderGP. They are several threads on Gender GP here on Transgender Talk Board. They offer therapy and if applicable HRT under the "Informed Consent" model as in US. As you can see I have been on HRT over 5 months and I only wish to go public at the right time for me which is when more physical changes occur; I have already seen some changes both emotional and physical. I am hoping for sometime in 2019.

Hugs to you from one UKTrans to another one overseas.

Pamela

Quote from: pamelatransuk on July 18, 2018, 07:24:00 AMHugs to you from one UKTrans to another one overseas.

I thought that may be the case in the UK, the NHS is amazing and has saved my life more than once. The US healthsystem is not so good in a lot of areas, transitioning is one I will give it credit for.

I miss the UK alot, I need to get home more.

Hugs hun

Quote from: NC_Rose on July 16, 2018, 07:50:01 PM
My wife's parents are very southern and as much as they say they are progressive, I know they aren't.

Hi Rose, that's awesome that your getting the love and acceptance from some very key people in your life. 

As for what you wrote above, I know this sentiment all too well.  i.e. People that say they are soooo progressive and accepting etc. but their behavior and actions say something else.  In college, I had a GF that was "so progressive"; why, she even had a gay friend. <eye roll>  As our relationship progressed and I dropped little hints, and talked to her about her opinion on various subjects, I quickly came to realize that she was fine with everything as long as it didn't involve her, affect her, and was "not in her backyard". 

I wish you much luck as you move forward!

Quote from: NC_Rose on July 18, 2018, 07:34:36 AM
I thought that may be the case in the UK, the NHS is amazing and has saved my life more than once. The US healthsystem is not so good in a lot of areas, transitioning is one I will give it credit for.

I miss the UK alot, I need to get home more.

Hugs hun

May I ask which part of UK you come from please? I am from the NorthWest not far from Liverpool.

Secondly as you have lived in both UK and in US, what is your experience of the general public's attitude to Transgender matters between the two countries? My feeling in UK is that there has been a great anti-reaction to Transgender matters over the years - a lack of understanding, a social taboo but I feel things are gradually improving and the opposition is not as widespread.

Do you agree? Does that apply in your view to US (outside the bible belt)?

Thanking you

Pamela

I am originally from the New Forest, near Southampton. I spent most of my life in London though. But still consider the New Forest home.

I haven't lived in the UK for 20 years, but have gone home recently and the country has changed. I can give my experiences of talking to friends in the UK and the US about my transition. Friends in the US have been supportive and my work is amazing about it, they have a "pride" council who worked with HR when putting the benefits together to make sure LGBTQ health was covered, which is the exception for most companies instead of the rule.

Reactions in the UK have also been positive, my family has been supportive for me and everyone's reaction has been one of congratulations rather than hate. So among close friends and family across both sides of the pond, the reaction has been good.

However........

I live in Raleigh which is a progressive city and has a very active community, outside of the city when you get into more rural parts of the country I have run into some backward thinking idiots who are stuck thinking they still live in the 50's. The "Lets make America great again" crowd are a worry to be honest, I have been told on more than one occasion, "if you don't like it here, go back to your own country", even though I am an American citizen now and believe me when I say, that process is very long and thorough. Not the "they let anyone in" that Trump says, the people at INS are thorough.   

We have more than our fair share of idiots in the UK too, although the UK is so much more relaxed than the US on a lot of issues. I have little first hand knowledge from the UK side outside of my friends, so I can't really judge.

I should point out that my wife jokes about the Brits, thinking all men run around wearing womens panties (I blame Benny Hill for that) so she's not so surprised. I should also point out, I met Benny Hill many years ago, he was a quiet spoken chap who stayed at home to look after his mother, he was a really nice guy! Southampton boy :-)

How has your experience been? You are more in touch with the UK side than me, I have been away so long.

Thank you for information you provide above; I am most grateful.

Rather than divert your thread to a US/UK Transgender Issues Comparison, I shall PM you about my experience in UK if I may. Perhaps I may consider a US/UK Transgender Issues Comparison thread one day but all posters would have to ensure it was simply to gain knowledge and not to criticize of course.

Good old Benny Hill! Would you believe I still have locked away in a cupboard a Christmas present which is the "Benny Hill Annual 1960" - I was born in 1955. Benny Hill was very clean originally and only later became "suggestive". He was great entertainer and comedian.

I am sure we will chat on other threads in due course.

I wish you every happiness.

Hugs

Pamela

Happy to chat anytime, I think it would make for a great post comparing the two health systems.

I have a follow up, I also spoke to my brother about the change and as much as I thought it would break his brain, it only resulted in small flaking with an eye twitch occasionally. He and his wife were fine with it though. My son is coming round tonight at 5 and I will be talking to him about it as well. I think by telling my family my wife is starting to have that feeling of "this is happening" so I expect some upset moving forward, but we will work through it together. The difficult one will be her parents, they are very southern and as much as they think they are "progressive" I think having someone Trans in the family will REALLY do them in. I know her brother will have a complete freak out, my only concern is that she's ok with it. My wife, son, brother and sister are the only ones I care about and so far everyone has been fine.

I will admit, there's a small part of me, a very immature part, that is looking forward to telling her father, he can be a dick sometimes...

I believe it's different when it's a sister relationship...rather then a married one of over 30 years.

Quote from: TonyaW on July 16, 2018, 10:29:36 PM
My wife asked me once what I expected her to say about me transitioning. I told her "well, I didnt think you'd say 'cool, lets go shopping'". I was right,  she didn't, but I think its neat that someone actually did have that reaction.

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