Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Does anyone have any experinces with not feeling like you will be loved because your trans or never finding love because you are trans? does anyone worry about that ever? Just wondering has anyone ever been dumped because they are trans too? Im just thinking about my future and I feel like no one would love me because im a transdude can someone reassure me please... any advice would be appreciated and please answer my questions if you feel like it :)

I met my husband shortly after going full-time 11 years ago 😊

All of the above!

As a result of my transition, a very long term relationship I had ended.  I went full time, and after a year that included some very poor experiences, I felt that I would never find love because I was trans.

Shortly thereafter, things changed a bit...  I have learned to never say "Never...".  The universe has an odd sense of humor about these things.

Thank you for the replies I honestly didnt expect anyone to reply

I've felt this way all along. I've been single most of my adult life. I've had plenty of relationships, but wasn't true to myself and I'm sure that caused issues with my relationships (mostly in my own mind). I've mostly been an introvert, but now hormones have awakened a need for companionship/friendship.

As for finding someone new, my only advice is to be open and take chances. You'll never regret asking and being told "no, sorry". You'll always regret never having asked.

BTW, I love your screen name! Dookie was the best album!

Quote from: Greendayfanxx on July 25, 2018, 06:45:21 PM
Does anyone have any experinces with not feeling like you will be loved because your trans or never finding love because you are trans? does anyone worry about that ever? Just wondering has anyone ever been dumped because they are trans too? Im just thinking about my future and I feel like no one would love me because im a transdude can someone reassure me please... any advice would be appreciated and please answer my questions if you feel like it :)

@Greendayfanxx    This is not universally true in any way.  There are a lot of members here, MTF and FTM that have found love, or at least romance... me included.

Best thing to do is to pull yourself up and get out of your downer mental attitude and stop the negative thoughts...  be the best you can be, get involved in social circles where you can meet and greet others and stumble upon love like everyone else has always done .... this has nothing to do with being trans or not.

Hang in there, get out there and meet people, expand your social circle... by the way, the bar scene in my opinion is the wrong place to be.
I will be looking for your followup updates.
Danielle

Start by establishing confidence in yourself. Then the question should be rephrased --- can I meet someone that  I am interested in having a relationship with. Be confident of who you are. I go out on dates regularly and have sex and men fall in love so quickly, they mix up sex and love.  And their almighty egos are so easily bruised. There is someone out there for each and everyone.

Quote from: StacyRenee on July 25, 2018, 07:05:35 PM
As for finding someone new, my only advice is to be open and take chances. You'll never regret asking and being told "no, sorry". You'll always regret never having asked.

@StacyRenee  Excellent advice!
Also - most people are looking for someone who is kind, attentive, interesting, and to some degree aspiring!  Focus on these and then the fact that your transgender just makes you even more interesting! 

Sonja

Can to. The minute my wife decided she was done another trans woman asked me to be her girlfriend. Its really possible... just got to let life happen. :)

Quote from: StacyRenee on July 25, 2018, 07:07:17 PM
BTW, I love your screen name! Dookie was the best album!

I like Dookie, but Insomniac is my fav :)

I thought I was trading living my truth for any chance of a Love life.... After a lifetime of relationships with women... I am now married to the greatest guy in the world and ... 5 minutes ago... I found out I am going to be a grandma soon!!!

Onward we go!!!!

Ashley 😀🌻❤️

I met people (including trans people) that told me I would never find love being trans. They were wrong. Don't let anybody tell you that you will never find love.

Aw... don't that fear. I'm sure you'll find someone eventually!😊
If it makes you feel any better, hardly anyone finds me at least remotely attractive. :')

Congrats Ashley!

Don't be a self fulfilling prophecy pervayer. If you say to yourself you will be alone, you may find yourself making it happen. Be friendly, open and put yourself out there. Be a positive person!

Quote from: HappyMoni on July 25, 2018, 10:32:54 PM
Congrats Ashley!

Thanks Moni 😀❤️🌻

Quote from: tgirlamc on July 25, 2018, 10:03:24 PM
I thought I was trading living my truth for any chance of a Love life.... After a lifetime of relationships with women... I am now married to the greatest guy in the world and ... 5 minutes ago... I found out I am going to be a grandma soon!!!

Onward we go!!!!

Ashley 😀🌻❤️

@tgirlamc  Congratulations Ashley!!!   that is awesome news!!

Sonja.

Quote from: Sonja on July 25, 2018, 11:46:35 PM
@tgirlamc  Congratulations Ashley!!!   that is awesome news!!

Sonja.

Thanks Sonja...

The really cool part is that today, the day I found out I'm going to be a grandma, would have been my grandmother's 120th birthday! Synchronicity in action!!!... She and I were very close and she left me with some big shoes to fill in the grandma department!!! I will do my best to make her proud!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

Love is for other people

I always have options--the issue isn't finding someone who wants to date me, it's finding someone I want to date. I'm just not interested in that many people anymore, and looking back, I've only been with one person who seemed even remotely compatible with me. I guess I've been around long enough that I've started to figure out what I need from a relationship, and why I want one in the first place, and knowing what I need makes it harder to find someone who fits what I'm looking for.

For instance, I don't want to go out with someone if I don't enjoy talking to them--and I have social anxiety and hate small talk, so I don't enjoy talking to most people. I need someone who shares at least a portion of my interests (let's say 1/3) which in itself can be difficult to find. I like cuddling and kissing so I need someone who's into that, but none of the people I'm interested in ever seem to enjoy physical intimacy outside of bed.

etc.

So, I have plenty of opportunities to be with someone, but I can't seem to find anyone I want to be with. The problem can go both ways.

I was definitely concerned about that after my first relationship after transition breaking up. Fact is we just have to find the right person who will be understanding and open to be with us that also matches what we are looking for in a mate. I did eventually find someone and have been married for over a year and half now. Just be patient and give things time. I wouldn't force it but just naturally search for the person with the qualities you are looking for and in time you will find the right person. It's just sometimes they may not be located where we are expecting or looking. hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Greendayfanxx on July 25, 2018, 06:45:21 PM
Does anyone have any experinces with not feeling like you will be loved because your trans or never finding love because you are trans? does anyone worry about that ever? Just wondering has anyone ever been dumped because they are trans too? Im just thinking about my future and I feel like no one would love me because im a transdude can someone reassure me please... any advice would be appreciated and please answer my questions if you feel like it :)

The answers have been very positive and uplifting and I like that. In my case I'm pretty much going through the same thing you mentioned... Got dumped for transitioning and wondering if finding love is even possible now. Heart break is absolutely painful and emotionally exhausting and I'm just hoping it's over soon.

Well it definitely changed my relationship, it didn't "destroy" it but it did radically change it. Into something else. And it is harder to find someone, statistically, as a trans person... but definitely not impossible. Lots of people on this site are either happily married or are dating or have someone.

Personally I don't worry about it as I think it's my nature to be by myself, I did struggle being in relationships anyway to an extent being protective of my freedom, so it might be for the best in my case. I'm not afraid of being without a relationship.

To be honest, at this point in my life I feel more like I won't find, or have love if I'm not trans.

I will preface this by saying I have never been married, or had kids, or that whole family thing. But that's entirely down to my own issues. So make of this what you will. I have had relationships in my life, though. I've had people who said they loved me at a time before I admitted to myself, and others who I really am. But rather than making me feel warm and fuzzy, it made me feel guilty. Because I always felt a nagging feeling of "But you don't love the real me. You can never love the real me because you don't know who that is. I haven't told you. So you love an image. And that makes me feel bad for both of us."

I felt uncomfortable in the bedroom. Like... very uncomfortable. Not because of my partner but because of myself. Because of how I felt about myself. And the whole time there was an underlying feeling that I was somehow leading her on. That she was in love with someone she thought I was. Not who I actually was.

It's true what they say: Before you can really love someone else, you have to love yourself. Or at least be at a place with yourself that the hatred doesn't get in the way. I feel that if someone says they love you... then they deserve you. Not someone hiding parts of themselves. Or even themselves entirely, and pretending to be someone else. How can that work? I believe relationships are built on honesty (But then I'm a Scorpio so I hate people lying - sue me :P), and if that honesty isn't there, then you can't really have a proper relationship.

For me it comes down to this: I would rather have no relationship than one built on a lie. If I'm at a point in my life where I can be myself with someone then they get all of me, and I get all of them. With no regrets. No lies. No secrets. No matter how common or rare that might be... for me it's worth aiming for.

Although oddly I've had more people say they're in love with me once I was allowed to be myself than before. I guess there's something in being yourself. :) You can focus on others more than being obsessed with yourself and your own feelings. And whaddya know, other people seem to like that. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on July 26, 2018, 05:03:21 PM
I have had relationships in my life, though. I've had people who said they loved me at a time before I admitted to myself, and others who I really am. But rather than making me feel warm and fuzzy, it made me feel guilty. Because I always felt a nagging feeling of "But you don't love the real me. You can never love the real me because you don't know who that is. I haven't told you. So you love an image. And that makes me feel bad for both of us."

I felt uncomfortable in the bedroom. Like... very uncomfortable. Not because of my partner but because of myself. Because of how I felt about myself. And the whole time there was an underlying feeling that I was somehow leading her on. That she was in love with someone she thought I was. Not who I actually was.

I used to feel that way, too. Having to interact with people through a mask sucks, and I've had to wear several, always trying to fit someone else's idea of who I should be. I'd rather be myself than try to pretend to be something I'm not just so people will like me.

What it all boils down to is that I have to fix my own life before I'll have room for anyone else, unless that person ends up being extremely supportive and is willing to move out-of-state (or country) a few times with me.

I hope you can find someone, because I came so close to being successful, then found out that the only guy I liked was gay. and to top that little issue, he is interested in my ace friend Cameron so idk what to do about this.......but anyway, trans doesn't mean you wont find love, it just means that you sometimes gotta wait for the right one, however, never let fear stop u from taking the risk of being told no.

Love,
Lilly Garcia