Community Conversation => Significant Others talk => Topic started by: Debi on August 17, 2018, 07:40:44 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Who Am I an SOs Story
Post by: Debi on August 17, 2018, 07:40:44 AM
Post by: Debi on August 17, 2018, 07:40:44 AM
My name is Debi or Deb and I am newly married to my transgender partner whom I have been married to for 34 years. After three years of Tia beneficially using this forum to help herself work through many of the pieces of who she has become, (Thank you to all who have been here to help.) I think it is time for me to put voice to my side of Tia and my story if for no other reason than I have a different perspective about what being a part of a relationship that is different from mainstream, means to a straight female who grew up in the middle of Iowa in the late '50s and 60s.
My ideals and beliefs started out pretty milk toast vanilla, but you must understand that I had a very protected childhood where I knew I was loved and cherished by all around me and the big bad wolf and evil witches would always be kept at bay. I think what I am trying to say here is that my nurturing up bringing was way different then the one T experienced and where we come from often defines how we become who we are. I do blame my "happily ever after" ideals on the failure of marriage number one and was quite surprised that the universe gave me a second chance by handing me my true "Prince Charming" who was gentle, sensitive, loving, and kind and had some great male qualities too.
T and I were married in 1984 and for thirty years life was good but after that much time it had also become a little mundane. We knew each other "so well" or at least we thought we did. By the time we retired I had stopped asking the question "Who am I and what do I want out of the next stage of life?" and T had a secret that he didn't know she had.
Actually, we didn't know each other "well" or even who we were ourselves, but in making a decision to step away from mundane, we opened a door that sent us onto a journey that rocked not only our world but also the perceptions of all who knew us.
And so Our Story Begins!
My ideals and beliefs started out pretty milk toast vanilla, but you must understand that I had a very protected childhood where I knew I was loved and cherished by all around me and the big bad wolf and evil witches would always be kept at bay. I think what I am trying to say here is that my nurturing up bringing was way different then the one T experienced and where we come from often defines how we become who we are. I do blame my "happily ever after" ideals on the failure of marriage number one and was quite surprised that the universe gave me a second chance by handing me my true "Prince Charming" who was gentle, sensitive, loving, and kind and had some great male qualities too.
T and I were married in 1984 and for thirty years life was good but after that much time it had also become a little mundane. We knew each other "so well" or at least we thought we did. By the time we retired I had stopped asking the question "Who am I and what do I want out of the next stage of life?" and T had a secret that he didn't know she had.
Actually, we didn't know each other "well" or even who we were ourselves, but in making a decision to step away from mundane, we opened a door that sent us onto a journey that rocked not only our world but also the perceptions of all who knew us.
And so Our Story Begins!
Title: Re: Who Am I a SOs Story
Post by: MissyMay2.0 on August 17, 2018, 09:46:07 AM
Post by: MissyMay2.0 on August 17, 2018, 09:46:07 AM
Congratulations, and welcome!😊
Title: Re: Who Am I a SOs Story
Post by: Charlie Nicki on August 17, 2018, 11:34:39 AM
Post by: Charlie Nicki on August 17, 2018, 11:34:39 AM
I'm glad that you're still in love and navigating this journey together :) welcome to the forum!
Title: Re: Who Am I an SOs Story
Post by: Moonflower on September 24, 2018, 07:38:20 PM
Post by: Moonflower on September 24, 2018, 07:38:20 PM
@Debi, what a great occasion for you: marrying your transgender partner to whom you've been married for 30-some years. I love your wedding photo, and your description of your honeymoon as you travel the coast visiting virtual friends (as described on a different thread). I also love your upbeat response to Tia's transition. I, too, am delighted to discover that I truly am not inclined to bigotry, and I am so in love with my spouse that I don't care if she turns into a frog; I will always protect and cherish her.
I wonder if you know what I'm talking about when I share my confoundedness: it's not right that women are more privileged than men. For example, I can put on a flannel shirt and old jeans, and haul a 60-lb. bag of gravel, then wash up and put on a flowy or slim dress with earrings, and do something nice with my hair, and my appearance and behavior are perfectly accepted. On the other hand, a man has a very limited range of colors and fabrics that he can use for clothing, and he has to be the tough 60-lb. gravel-bag hauler, no matter what he's wearing. As a woman, I have a wide range of acceptable gender fluidity, while men's is teensy. Why would I want my spouse to be trapped in such a limited range of socially-acceptable behavior? I love being a woman during this time in history, and welcome her to be one, too. What do you think?
Again, I'm glad that you are here, Debi, and I look forward to reading more of your story and thoughts.
I wonder if you know what I'm talking about when I share my confoundedness: it's not right that women are more privileged than men. For example, I can put on a flannel shirt and old jeans, and haul a 60-lb. bag of gravel, then wash up and put on a flowy or slim dress with earrings, and do something nice with my hair, and my appearance and behavior are perfectly accepted. On the other hand, a man has a very limited range of colors and fabrics that he can use for clothing, and he has to be the tough 60-lb. gravel-bag hauler, no matter what he's wearing. As a woman, I have a wide range of acceptable gender fluidity, while men's is teensy. Why would I want my spouse to be trapped in such a limited range of socially-acceptable behavior? I love being a woman during this time in history, and welcome her to be one, too. What do you think?
Again, I'm glad that you are here, Debi, and I look forward to reading more of your story and thoughts.
Title: Re: Who Am I an SOs Story
Post by: HappyMoni on September 24, 2018, 09:10:56 PM
Post by: HappyMoni on September 24, 2018, 09:10:56 PM
Deb, I hope you will continue with this thread. I don't know that I am qualified to deem you a good role model for significant others as I am not one, but I think you have a wonderfully positive attitude. My own partner has been incredibly supportive to me.
Moni
Moni
Title: Re: Who Am I an SOs Story
Post by: LizK on September 24, 2018, 09:22:58 PM
Post by: LizK on September 24, 2018, 09:22:58 PM
Hi Deb
I would really love to hear how things were for you. I have read a number of your other posts in the wedding thread and look forward to hearing more of what you experienced during Tia's journey...
Take care
Liz
I would really love to hear how things were for you. I have read a number of your other posts in the wedding thread and look forward to hearing more of what you experienced during Tia's journey...
Take care
Liz