Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I posted on another website about a breakthrough on an issue that has troubled me for most of my life, and I was attacked because my orientation and point of view are apparently not politically correct.

Perhaps it's my age; but, if so, then I count myself lucky. All of my life, since long before I was self-aware, I have held the classic feminine virtues in high esteem. I have always felt that one of the highest compliments that can be paid to any woman is that she is a lady. When I realized I was female, I knew instantly that it would be my own goal for myself.

Many people today seem highly motivated to erase all differences between male and female. It is said that masculinity and femininity are merely artificial constructs. I just can't believe that. Naturally, there is considerable variability among people of each gender, and I would be the last person to try to confine anyone to the limits of a box of my own construction. But that's not the same thing as saying that masculinity and femininity are distinct quaities with independent existences. And being the most feminine, ladylike woman I can be is my personal desire.

I read an article recently that attempted to distinguish masculine and feminine qualities; and it spurred me to thinking. The author didn't draw this particular distinction in quite this way, but I think the distinction he did draw can be redrawn as this: Control vs. Surrender, the former being masculine and the latter feminine. It must be noted that "surrender" does not mean "submission"; it's more in the nature of abandonment. It can easily been seen as something positive; for example, in transcending one level of awareness for another, the former must be "surrendered." It's just letting go.

Being raised male and trying to be male for any length of time warps a woman. I think most of us will carry scars from that experience for the rest of our lives. And it takes us time to unlearn male habits of thought and action; I think their persistence in hanging around is one of the things that causes doubt to rear its ugly head from time to time. For me, one of those habits has been a passion, a frantic need, for control. I've known about it for a long time, and even before knowing I was female knew that I needed to get rid of it. But knowing it and doing it are two different things; the latter is much, much harder.

This morning, due to something else going on in my life, I finally made the connection outlined above: that control is a masculine thing, and that letting it go was a key to femininity. Suddenly, it was easy. I guess something more important to me than control finally came along and presented itself as an alternative requiring me to relinquish it. And I did. And I was astounded. I could feel the difference. I could feel the freedom in surrender. It was marvelous and lovely.

Changes of this nature usually require time to work themselves into permanence; at least, that has been my experience. But, OMG, what a treasure.

I would enjoy knowing others who share my vision of womanhood for themselves. There are all kinds of ways of being female, and I don't disparage anyone who doesn't share mine for myself. But this is mine.

I find that the more I transition the less NEED for control I have. I am more willing to let life roll on and adapt rather than direct it so much. However, I don't see it as a feminine quality just an acceptance that we can't control everything.

I wouldn't say this is true for everyone, but it is true for you and you should not be attacked for it. I tend to relate to this. I guess I have stated it as, "Being a woman means having an intimate relationship vulnerability." Again, this is for me. Releasing the need for control has certainly been a part of my process as well. I have surrendered some things and will continue to do so. Whatever I do, I will try my best to keep my dignity. Dignity is why coming out is so hard for people, they are afraid they will lose it in the eyes of everyone they know. In transition, in my surrender of some things, in acceptance of my vulnerability, I have only increased my sense of dignity. Femininity is so often looked down on in this world. It is what I aspire to. It is what feeds my soul (or whatever one calls it.) I am stronger, the less masculine I become.
Moni

Quote from: HappyMoni on September 02, 2018, 01:03:18 PM
I wouldn't say this is true for everyone, but it is true for you and you should not be attacked for it. I tend to relate to this. I guess I have stated it as, "Being a woman means having an intimate relationship vulnerability." Again, this is for me. Releasing the need for control has certainly been a part of my process as well. I have surrendered some things and will continue to do so. Whatever I do, I will try my best to keep my dignity. Dignity is why coming out is so hard for people, they are afraid they will lose it in the eyes of everyone they know. In transition, in my surrender of some things, in acceptance of my vulnerability, I have only increased my sense of dignity. Femininity is so often looked down on in this world. It is what I aspire to. It is what feeds my soul (or whatever one calls it.) I am stronger, the less masculine I become.
Moni

I absolutely love this post, thank you :)

Quote from: HappyMoni on September 02, 2018, 01:03:18 PMWhatever I do, I will try my best to keep my dignity. Dignity is why coming out is so hard for people, they are afraid they will lose it in the eyes of everyone they know. In transition, in my surrender of some things, in acceptance of my vulnerability, I have only increased my sense of dignity.

:) It's because dignity, like integrity, is not something given by others, but something given to yourself. So many people think the way you described; it's so sad.

QuoteFemininity is so often looked down on in this world. It is what I aspire to. It is what feeds my soul (or whatever one calls it.) I am stronger, the less masculine I become.

Me, too. Thank you for responding. It's good to meet a kindred spirit. :)

Yeah.. just today I was thinking about this exact same thing actually... When you think about it, so much is taken away from (us in this life) as "women". "Transitioning to be a lady?!" That's sometimes my thoughts.. "how and why ever would I even want to do that?!" Lol
I think it's a sense of comfort even to know that despite my shortcomings I can overcome the circumstances I was given. I don't know lol but the feeling vulnerable part felt and still feels intense at times. I had a moment it all hit me a few months ago and realizing I'm letting go of what control I have. Especially relying on hormones... that's the biggest leap of faith I can think of because there's nothing guaranteed. Yet it is technically a form of medical treatment... I have issues with the current medical treatment of transgender people, but that's another topic. :)

Quote from: HappyMoni on September 02, 2018, 01:03:18 PM
Femininity is so often looked down on in this world. It is what I aspire to. It is what feeds my soul (or whatever one calls it.) I am stronger, the less masculine I become.

You expressed that brilliantly, Moni!