Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Its crazy to me how when I look at my self in the mirror sometimes I can only see my old  masculines self.  Other times I can see the person I am becoming that feels more right to me everyday.  I feel like I am my own harshest critic.  I see problems where there are none....

I feel ya, girl. i'm not presenting female most of the time at this point, but I see "her" in the mirror some days (especially when I smile) but some days I feel like I've made no progress. It freaked me out so much I worried about my dosage levels but my worries were unfounded. Depending on at what age you embraced being her, you have years of being "him" stored in your visual memory. It seems sometimes we see that after image based on our emotional state. I wouldn't worry too much about it. One day you'll see exactly who you are, and only that.

That happens to me all the time. It also doesn't help that I haven't embraced being a woman yet or that my comfort isn't where I would want it to be at least. I wear dresses and some makeup, but my family still calls me by my birth name and male pronouns. It only really bothers me around strangers.
I know this is different than physically seeing masculine traits. Well, I think I still do and that's where a lot of my insecurities come from. Deep down I'm ashamed I wasn't born as a cis female.

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This is a product. Used to happen to me all the time. Now? Very rarely but i do get those panicked moments

It might be influenced by angles, light, make up, hair, ... as well, not just psychology. Maybe there's some detail which really flatters you. For me it's my hair, for example, everytime I cut it nice and short again I am amazed by how much better I look, way more passable. :)

that's such a feeling

I notice in the mornings I like what I see in the mirror so much more than any other time of day, and I've even compared with photos and the difference holds up

good old fashioned beauty sleep, I guess! stress probably makes a huge difference too, not only on your perception but your presentation. I find I look and feel the prettiest when I'm happy

It is like the 'latent image' mentioned in 'The Matrix'. We are so used to seeing that same face in the mirror year after year, decade after decade, that we are the last to see what others see. I have noticed that a smile makes a huge difference, probably because smiles were rare for 'him'. I have been full time for nearly nine months, and only within the last month or two have I started seeing what others see -- and I still have a hard time believing it. Have patience, it will get better.

Love always -- Jessica Rose