Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, yesterday was horrid.  I went to church, and everything was great!  Even got invited to coffee, but I work the daycare at my church and couldn't go.  After that, My fiancé and I went shopping.  We stopped at the Subway in our local WalMart.  The girls behind the counter were friendly enough....to my face.  When I went around the corner to the drink machine, I could hear them asking if I was a guy or girl, and they were not doing this in a kind fashion.  I put it up as youth, and ate my meal in peace.  Then while we were walking the store, just doing some random shopping, a family walked by.  The male in that family, loudly and with lots of vulgar language, asked what it was that walked in front of him, and how that thing could exist.

I'm fairly resilient, but the day before, at my grandsons birthday, my daughters husband was also not kind.  His family wouldn't even acknowledge my existence, excepting to badmouth me.


It just hit hard, and now I'm a bit down.  I need some help getting my smile back.

I'm sorry you're feeling upset by these events.  I too had a similar experience, though far, far less of a degree than yours.  I went through many emotions before I could climb up from the fall.  I'm not whole yet. 
Might I suggest getting a pedicure, that always makes me giggle!

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Artesia, I know it hurts. probably always will. Try to remember though ... you can't cure stupid. The people that make those types of comments are the ones that are insecure in themselves so have to strike out at others to deflect from their own shortcomings.

Spend time with the children. Get to them before the adults pervert their brains with hate and intolerance. I get a constant bout of innocent honesty from my granddaughter. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I actually like be 'weird grandpa' because when I catch her by surprise I get the 'you're beautiful' type comments. I also get to give her my opinion on her nails .. granted, she's 6 .. but HEY, I'll take it :D

Hey Artesia!

Though I don't have advices for you I have smile instead :) You are become yourself, so don't let that jerks to stop you :)

Artesia, I am so sorry that those things happened to you.  As Faith said, you can't fix stupid.  I hate to recommend a thick skin, since most of us survived by having a thick skin and now we want to enjoy thinning it out.  But really, try not to let it get to you.

How about a big ((((((HUG))))))?

Hugs help.

I let my gaurd down, and that's why I hurt.  I fealt safe.  Now I'm not feeling it.  I even had a difficult time interacting with the kids this morning.  I don't want to go to work for my afternoon shift.  I really just want to crawl under my blankets and sleep.


I usually can block out the bad vibes.  Just the last two days, and my own lapse in judgement about people, hit at just the wrong time for me.  It doesn't help that I can't snuggle with my puppy anymore either.  She always helped when I was down.  But we had to put her down over the summer.  It's the times I need her that make it hard with her being gone.  It might be why I'm having a hard time recovering.  We all have a limit, and I seem to have hit mine.

Reading the support here helps me too.  I just need more support than I usually do today.

Quote from: Artesia on September 17, 2018, 09:16:22 AM
So, yesterday was horrid.  I went to church, and everything was great!  Even got invited to coffee, but I work the daycare at my church and couldn't go.  After that, My fiancé and I went shopping.  We stopped at the Subway in our local WalMart.  The girls behind the counter were friendly enough....to my face.  When I went around the corner to the drink machine, I could hear them asking if I was a guy or girl, and they were not doing this in a kind fashion.  I put it up as youth, and ate my meal in peace.  Then while we were walking the store, just doing some random shopping, a family walked by.  The male in that family, loudly and with lots of vulgar language, asked what it was that walked in front of him, and how that thing could exist.

I'm fairly resilient, but the day before, at my grandsons birthday, my daughters husband was also not kind.  His family wouldn't even acknowledge my existence, excepting to badmouth me.


It just hit hard, and now I'm a bit down.  I need some help getting my smile back.

@Artesia
Dear Artesia:
MORE SUPPORT IS HERE>>>>  your supporting friends are here.
You are not alone if that can give you any comfort.  There are a number of members that I am regularly following that are having disappointing and discouraging experiences as they go out and about.   

While the transition journey toward our goals can be an exciting ride, the road is also full of potholes and unpleasant detours.   It is good that you had your fiancé along with you.  Safety in numbers is a good rule to follow until you get closer to your successful goal.

Look at this frustrating "passing" mishap as an opportunity to learn, using it as a teaching moment, along with the help of your like minded friends and your fiancé, you can overcome this disheartening event and others like it that may come your way until eventually you will no longer have these kinds of things happen to you, or at least they will be a lot less frequent.   
I have been in your shoes, I feel your pain....  be determined to continue on.

I will always be looking for your continued updates... in your good reports I will rejoice with you and in your not so good reports I will be there to try to soothe your hurt and pain.   It is good to vent these kinds of things, it helps to clear your mind and helps you to hit the reset button.

Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Faith on September 17, 2018, 09:30:48 AM
Try to remember though ... you can't cure stupid. The people that make those types of comments are the ones that are insecure in themselves so have to strike out at others to deflect from their own shortcomings.

Artesia!!!

I'm so sorry little sister!... NOT uplifting interactions by any means! ... Faith got to the heart of it in her quote above but, I know that knowing the cause does little to remove hurt... we can isulate ourselves completely from interaction but,that is the state of being we are usually seeking to escape through transition.... What we do in our new life is seek connection with others and sadly that can leave us open to the few that seek to lash out for misguided reasons that reside within them... I'm so sorry they caused you pain...  ignorance of simple civility is a destructive force indeed!

Onward we go brave little sister

Hugs and Love!!!

A 💕🌺

Dear Artesia! Everyone here has said everything that I could say. I know it hurts and some days are worse than others. We all unfortunately have to deal with the stupid and probably will always have to. I tell myself it's their problem and not mine. It's obvious to me, through the work you and your post here, that you are far more intelligent than the stupid we deal with. One good thing is that there are far more intelligent people like us than there are stupid.

BIG HUGS GIRL!
Donica

Rejection helps the decision to resolve and stand your ground. Unless they are holding a gun on you and you fear for your life. The childhood saying fits the situation. "Sticks and stones may break ,my bones, but you can never hurt me." The irony is not lost as now that I am transitioning from Male to Female, I'm finally growing a set. Ignorance and stupidity abound. Teach the ignorant and pity the stupid.

I really can't add anything to the wise advice you've already been given.

So here's a big <<<<HUG>>>>


Stephanie

Quote from: Artesia on September 17, 2018, 09:16:22 AM
So, yesterday was horrid.  I went to church, and everything was great!  Even got invited to coffee, but I work the daycare at my church and couldn't go.  After that, My fiancé and I went shopping.  We stopped at the Subway in our local WalMart.  The girls behind the counter were friendly enough....to my face.  When I went around the corner to the drink machine, I could hear them asking if I was a guy or girl, and they were not doing this in a kind fashion.  I put it up as youth, and ate my meal in peace.  Then while we were walking the store, just doing some random shopping, a family walked by.  The male in that family, loudly and with lots of vulgar language, asked what it was that walked in front of him, and how that thing could exist.

I'm fairly resilient, but the day before, at my grandsons birthday, my daughters husband was also not kind.  His family wouldn't even acknowledge my existence, excepting to badmouth me.


It just hit hard, and now I'm a bit down.  I need some help getting my smile back.

I'm so sorry that people like that are still allowed to exist... I'm sorry that I don't know you well enough to tell you how to cheer yourself up, but if it's any help, chocolate always works for me :D  Snuggle with your fiancee, and do your best to forget about those people altogether.. *HUGS*

HUGS , just think of all the times you do get gendered correctly, I was feeling down at work then 2 customers called me SHE. cheered me up

I do gardening for therapy.  Some people wonder why there are so few weeds in my flower beds.  :D

Quote from: Artesia on September 17, 2018, 09:16:22 AM
So, yesterday was horrid.  I went to church, and everything was great!  Even got invited to coffee, but I work the daycare at my church and couldn't go.  After that, My fiancé and I went shopping.  We stopped at the Subway in our local WalMart.  The girls behind the counter were friendly enough....to my face.  When I went around the corner to the drink machine, I could hear them asking if I was a guy or girl, and they were not doing this in a kind fashion.  I put it up as youth, and ate my meal in peace.  Then while we were walking the store, just doing some random shopping, a family walked by.  The male in that family, loudly and with lots of vulgar language, asked what it was that walked in front of him, and how that thing could exist.

I'm fairly resilient, but the day before, at my grandsons birthday, my daughters husband was also not kind.  His family wouldn't even acknowledge my existence, excepting to badmouth me.


It just hit hard, and now I'm a bit down.  I need some help getting my smile back.

Artesia, we all have to come to terms with the things we do in our lives. Every single action we take, comment we make... every time we make someone smile or cry... they are all things we as individuals have to live with. No matter how much we think they are meaningless, they're there. At the back of the mind.

People who act this way towards you, they have to live with it. People who act this way with any person they see as different to themselves, being nasty will come back to haunt them. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow... but there comes a time in everyone's life where they ask themselves "Was I the best person I could be?" And all these things play a part. I've known people wracked with guilt later in life for how they have been. It eats at them.

Sweetie, you have done nothing wrong, okay? Nothing. You just want to be you, as we all do. When you look in the mirror, you ask yourself "Am I being true to myself? Is this who I am?" When you can look at yourself and say yes to that... when you can look in the mirror and say you're doing the best for yourself that you possibly can, and you're being the best person you can possibly be... Artesia, the only person you ever have to answer to is yourself, okay? All these people... they don't matter. They don't know you. They don't have to live in your skin. Only you can do that, sweetie. So their opinion, and their comments... they don't matter. They really don't.

The person who matters to you... is you. Being able to be yourself. Being happy within yourself. Just 1% of that matters more than any throwaway comment from anyone who doesn't know the first thing about you. Chances are you'll never see these people again.

*extra big hug*

Believe in yourself, okay? I believe in you. :)

Thank you all!!!

Feeling much better today.

The kids at the school were so kind.  They helped by asking me about God, and even told me I was pretty.  One of my coworkers used a heart stamp and stamped a bunch of them all over my arm, then she continued with telling me what an amazing woman I am.  Then, when I went to bed, I dreamt of my puppies who have all passed.  They came to me from the great beyond.  Rusty, my chihuahua, never liked me near her because when I was a baby I pulled on her ears and tail too much, but she still chased two Dobermans away from me; and last night she chased away the man's words from my dream.  Chaz, my Havanese, a playful dust mop who liked cuddling curled up in my arms.  Clover, a Beagle mix with a clover shaped saddle, loved to lick my head; it was her sign of love for me, and I felt it all night long.  Along with all of your kind words, and support, I feel amazing today!  Thank you!  I am glad I have so many who love and support me!

Quote from: Artesia on September 18, 2018, 09:28:21 AM
Thank you all!!!

Feeling much better today.

The kids at the school were so kind.  They helped by asking me about God, and even told me I was pretty.  One of my coworkers used a heart stamp and stamped a bunch of them all over my arm, then she continued with telling me what an amazing woman I am.  Then, when I went to bed, I dreamt of my puppies who have all passed.  They came to me from the great beyond.  Rusty, my chihuahua, never liked me near her because when I was a baby I pulled on her ears and tail too much, but she still chased two Dobermans away from me; and last night she chased away the man's words from my dream.  Chaz, my Havanese, a playful dust mop who liked cuddling curled up in my arms.  Clover, a Beagle mix with a clover shaped saddle, loved to lick my head; it was her sign of love for me, and I felt it all night long.  Along with all of your kind words, and support, I feel amazing today!  Thank you!  I am glad I have so many who love and support me!

....😃👍💕🌸🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🌸💕👍😃....

YAYYYY!!!!! I'm glad the new day has brought a new outlook with it dear sister!!!

....😃👍💕🌸🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🌸💕👍😃....

Onward we go...

A 🌻

hooray!! leave it to the children to lighten the day

Quote from: Artesia on September 18, 2018, 09:28:21 AM
Thank you all!!!

Feeling much better today.

The kids at the school were so kind.  They helped by asking me about God, and even told me I was pretty.  One of my coworkers used a heart stamp and stamped a bunch of them all over my arm, then she continued with telling me what an amazing woman I am.  Then, when I went to bed, I dreamt of my puppies who have all passed.  They came to me from the great beyond.  Rusty, my chihuahua, never liked me near her because when I was a baby I pulled on her ears and tail too much, but she still chased two Dobermans away from me; and last night she chased away the man's words from my dream.  Chaz, my Havanese, a playful dust mop who liked cuddling curled up in my arms.  Clover, a Beagle mix with a clover shaped saddle, loved to lick my head; it was her sign of love for me, and I felt it all night long.  Along with all of your kind words, and support, I feel amazing today!  Thank you!  I am glad I have so many who love and support me!

Great news Artesia! Glad to see you back on top again.

Warm hugs girl!
Donica.

Artesia,
   You are beautiful and pretty darn amazing. You even took my advice before I offered it. Should I add clairvoyant as well. Kidding aside, I think we have  to be superhuman for stuff not to get to us sometimes. The thing we have to do, in my opinion, is to mourn the hurtful stuff, just not too long. You surrounded yourself in positivity and recovered with amazing speed. That speaks to your strength and intelligence. Good  on ya!
Moni

Quote from: Artesia on September 18, 2018, 09:28:21 AM
Thank you all!!!

Feeling much better today.

The kids at the school were so kind.  They helped by asking me about God, and even told me I was pretty.  One of my coworkers used a heart stamp and stamped a bunch of them all over my arm, then she continued with telling me what an amazing woman I am.  Then, when I went to bed, I dreamt of my puppies who have all passed.  They came to me from the great beyond.  Rusty, my chihuahua, never liked me near her because when I was a baby I pulled on her ears and tail too much, but she still chased two Dobermans away from me; and last night she chased away the man's words from my dream.  Chaz, my Havanese, a playful dust mop who liked cuddling curled up in my arms.  Clover, a Beagle mix with a clover shaped saddle, loved to lick my head; it was her sign of love for me, and I felt it all night long.  Along with all of your kind words, and support, I feel amazing today!  Thank you!  I am glad I have so many who love and support me!

Just remember children are naturally honest, so you can be sure of what they say to you :D

@Artesia
Wow,  it is great to read that you are feeling better about yourself and about life in general.

Even though your friends here on the forums can't physically give you a hug and a shoulder to lean on, we are definitely here to give you our cyber support and virtual hugs. 

In your bad times we are here for you.... and in your good times we will always rejoice and be happy with you.   You are never alone here on Susan's Place and the Forums.   You have more like-minded friends here than at any other place.... we can all identify with many of the issues that you mention. 

Thank you for posting and following up with your happy report.
I will be looking for more posts from you around the various Forum threads.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

sorry you went through that