Susan's Place Transgender Resources

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Being seen as a guy - how was your friendship like with girls and boys. What is the difference between the two while you were seen as a guy.

Being seen as a girl - how was your friendship like with girls and boys. What is the difference between the two while you were seen as a girl.

I am very curios to see how you girls would answer these two questions.

I grew up with hardly any friends whatsoever. If you ask me how many friends I had up until now at the age of 26 I can count them on one hand. Out of all of those friends, all of them were boys. I never had female friends for several reasons. One of them being is that most girls think I wanted to date them. Another reason why girls did not want to hang out with me is because am in guy mode and most of them probably think I have nothing in common with them which is so wrong. If i appeared more feminine I probably would have more female friends.

At a young age in elementary school (where dating did not exists) I would try to play with the girls, but they wanted nothing to do with me because of my gender. They thought that I was weird and creepy for wanting to play with girls. I never fit in with the boys either and did not want to get involve with the way they play. All the boys would rough and tumble with each other and wrestle with each other agressively. I was not into the way they play with each other. So I walk around the playground observing the other girls for six years without making any friends.

In middle school I did not talk to anyone because I felt my personality was too feminine. I had no interests in what the boys were into. Although, I had the same interests as the other girls in my class such as tv shows, books, movies, fashsion, make up, and a ton of others things that I can relate with them. The only problem which am sure that you girls can relate to is the fact that I appear too masculine. I try changing my appearence to be more feminine, but everyone just laughed at me in middle school including the girls. I wore women jeans, shoes, t shirt, make up, wig and so on. but all that happen is that I got bullied in middle school. I was lonely and depress in elementary school and i got bullied at middle shool.

During highschool, I reverted back to male mode and talk to one guy because of how lonely felt. At first I was okay with having him as a friend, but things went downhilll very fast. I consider him as a friend slash bully. If he wanted answers to his homework I would help him. In return we would hang out with each other at lunch. During lunch time he would forcibly rough and tumble play with me in front of the other girls. He would insult me and make jokes towards me. I guess you can say that I was a wing man for him to get the girls to like him. The only thing I got of that relationship is not being alone by myself.

After I graduated from high school, I went to community college and decided not to talk to anyone. I graduated with a associates degree and went on to a university to pursue my bachelors. I am currently working on getting my degree and have no intentions of being friends with anyone. I will not attempt to make friends with anyone until people see me as a girl. I think all the things I went through up until now is because I was born with a male body and a female mind. The fact that no one wanted to be my friend and being bullied was because of me being transgender.

Now that I kind of answer the two question I posted. I am interested in hearing your story about how you struggle making friends with someone the same gender (girl) as you. If you did not struggle in being friends with girls or boys and was never bullied I am interested in hearing your story as well. Lastly, if they are any ftm (female to male) out there reading this, I like to hear your story as well.

I had a very similar experience with making friends during my childhood. I had very few friends over the years, all of them boys, I could never make friends with girls for the same reasons you mentioned. I had a lot of really badly-behaved classmates in primary school and a lot of them found great joy in bullying and teasing me. I looked different, behaved different, I could never really fit in. I made a few friends with boys who were outcasts themselves but couldn't make any connections with girls until secondary school. I tried to repress my feminine traits in secondary school and connect to some of the girls but that didn't really work out in the long term, again, similar situations you experienced.
Nowadays, more than a decade later I have a few female co-workers who I consider a friend but I'm not yet out to them. They are not blind, they can see that something is up, I can only hope that I won't ruin our friendship with the trans* thing.

Its nice to know that am not the only one who experienced being bullied for being feminine while growing up.
My only childhood regret is never being one of the girls and living a normal life.

There are so many things that I missed out on and will never have those moments in my life.
As for your co-workers, I wish you the best of luck  Lynne when you finally reveal yourself to them as transgender.

As for me I am already out to a few people in my life - brothers, sisters, mom , step dad. Am still not out to my cousins, uncle, aunt, grandma, grandad, and so forth. I have no ideal how they are going to react when I tell them the news about me being transgender.

Well, anyway I hope you have a better time than I have Lynne coming out to your co-workers.

I never had any close friends in school and was always a loner. I would talk to the girls, I'd always switch between sitting with the girls then boys. I couldn't really relate with the boys who were always making crude jokes/remarks and bullying 2 other boys.
Luckily, somehow, I wasn't really bullied.
Yeah, I had instances people would say something mean, often at very random times, but it was very few and far between.
I was still a dysfunctional mess in many ways and my grades showed it. But I'm also the youngest of 6 kids and almost everything I did flew under the radar.

Middle school I had 2 different groups of 2 guys in each group. I would sometimes talk with them, but again they'd point out instances when I'm feminine, that maybe happened twice though. The part I really couldn't understand or relate to was talking about girls or wrestling. I honestly don't think I said much. This is when I started feeling a deep disconnect. I liked boys, but there was nothing about me that interested them... It was pretty sad.

High school things were pretty much the same. I was probably even more of an outcast... At this point boys and girls were firmly seperated and I wasn't even the middle. I was really an outcast. I sat with people my first year for lunch and then I think I tried to my 2nd and 3rd but by the 4th year I was sitting by myself. It was a pretty bad time for me and I don't think I've bounced back fully yet. What messed with my mind was guys telling me I'm cute and talking to me almost secretly. But none would ask me out and I definitely couldn't come close to having a bf like the girls did... It just made me feel so worthless and ugly. I know that seems like a trivial thing, but it really affected me. It still does because I feel like I'm not good enough.

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