Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Been on hormones for last 6 months, don't feel I have changed but after a long over due discussion with my wife she said she has seen a big change, not really physically but somehow she finds more feminine than I've been before and I've been trying so not to appear so. It's like my disguise I had , never really knew I had put up all my life but I must have done and it seems it's gone though I hoped it was still there, long enough at least , to get through the next years so she could slowly come to terms. Still want's so stay together for kids to get them through school while I transition in stealth but I'm gutted, hate myself so much, hate this whole transgender thing it's so cruel, hurts everyone I love :(

Here is a pic taken over week ago with a few more on flickr, all without makeup but with wig, hair without is shorter but similar style https://www.flickr.com/photos/87159377@N08/shares/g0P19k

Don't hate yourself. You seem like a nice person.  You're just transgender.  It's a tough way to be sometimes, but it's not your fault.

Quote from: AmyRose on October 26, 2018, 06:25:04 PM
Been on hormones for last 6 months, don't feel I have changed but after a long over due discussion with my wife she said she has seen a big change, not really physically but somehow she finds more feminine than I've been before and I've been trying so not to appear so. It's like my disguise I had , never really knew I had put up all my life but I must have done and it seems it's gone though I hoped it was still there, long enough at least , to get through the next years so she could slowly come to terms. Still want's so stay together for kids to get them through school while I transition in stealth but I'm gutted, hate myself so much, hate this whole transgender thing it's so cruel, hurts everyone I love :(

@AmyRose
Dear AmyRose:
Looking at your photo in the link that you provided and also your Avatar/Profile pictue, you certainly do look very nicely feminine, your HRT hormones are doing their thing nicely so far.... hang on, there is much more to come.

When one transitions there is much more going on that just body changes with hormones.... along with your body changes, hormone treatment can also affect mental, personality and attitude changes that are starting to conform to your changing body.

As time goes on you may at some time in the future find it difficult to stay stealth.   Have  you and your wife been to couples therapy with your gender therapist???   This might be a good time to consider that option.

Anyway, your picture is terrific...  thank you for sharing it with us.... and for sharing your thoughts.
We are your biggest fans, we are rooting for you.
Hugs,
Danielle

Being feminine is a behavioral choice. HRT changes your mental perspective and dramatically reduces agressive behavior. The rest is how you want to portray yourself. Your feminine behavior changes may be a subconcious choice that you can now make freely.

At 6 months on HRT its only the begining, just read my quote in my profile, its all still so new. You are still searching for the woman you want to be, give HRT more time and be aware that you are in control of your behavior presentation.

I understand how your wife feels, Amy. I said the same thing to my partner. The last photo he sent me, I just saw a female and I cried. I nearly deleted it but kept it in the end. He's been on HRT for 5 months now. I haven't noticed any behavioural or mental changes at all but I do see physical things, the breasts being the most obvious. I see subtle changes in his face, but he doesn't. It's definitely softer, and he looks younger. He too doesn't want to come out socially - maybe not ever. I don't think anyone else has noticed, but maybe it's because I know what's going on, it makes me more aware. The last month has hit me the hardest.

I too hate this trans thing, more than anything in the world, but it's here, it's happening and we can't deny it, so we both have to deal with it.

My wife hasn't held me back on my transition.  But she has upped her game with respect to feminine presentation.  I think she would find it embarassing to appear less femme than me.  Where she almost always wore pants, now she wears skirts more often, including at home, where I always wear a skirt and she never used to.

To be honest, she has fun with it, and I think that is a healthy approach.  When she realized that I would need a whole new wardrobe, she said fine, but she would need new clothes too, to keep up.  We keep costs down by shopping second-hand, but we always go shopping together, and she usually buys clothes along with me.

Sorry, you are going through this. Parts of it ring true in my transition while married (we are divorcing mainly because of life direction issues not so much because of transition) Part of the whole marriage thing is that your spouse is going to change and it's up to her to process the change with the love and rest of your marriage in mind. I realize this is a big change but it still holds true for her. Of course, you are going to be more feminine.

So you hurting your loved ones is not intentional and some of the responsibility, or maybe most of it, rests with them. Nothing says your spouse or any spouse has to remain in the marriage or can't change the marriage, but most marriages take vows of sickness and health. This usually qualifies. You are treating yourself to cure GD in the only way that is really available to treat it.

Great picture. Please don't be hard on yourself.

is there such a thing as a girl being too feminine? Seems unlikely.
We can see that you are indeed very feminine, and that is a good thing.

For us, my wife has always encouraged me (OK, ordered me!) to show more femininity. Over the years, she has really brought out that side of me more.
And we love it!