Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My future step daughter is likely going to jail.  My fiancé and I baby sat her four girls.  I was told that they couldn't have boys upstairs and that they needed to leave by 7pm.  I made them do their homework after school, and didn't let the boys stay to much past 7pm, telling them they needed to leave at 7pm.  I probably have lost my job due to trying to take care of my future grandbabies.
Tonight, my fiancé told me that she was asked to come take care of the girls on her own tomorrow, and that I wasn't wanted to help take care of them any further.  I thought that my future daughter and grandchildren liked and accepted me.  Apparently not.  Now I don't feel welcome at her house, and she's not even there.  Not going to go back into that house.  I'm just going to stay out by the curb or lay in the car while my fiancé visits, because I won't step in between her and her kids.  She is only going to baby sit tomorrow and then they'll have to figure out everything else until my future daughter gets released.
I just wish this didn't happen, they could have let me just live in my fantasy of being accepted.  I know, it was too good to have been true.  I wonder what other lies I've been told???

Artesia.....my heart cries for you.  Rejection from those you hoped accepted you is a terrible blow.
I'm so sorry this has happened.

Big hugs, Jess

I am so sorry that this happened to you this is absolutely horrible hopefully she comes to her senses and sees what a wonderful person you are and accepts you fully

Sent from my LG-LS777 using Tapatalk

Eef, that's awful.  It must feel like betrayal even.  I hope things look up for you soon.

Bari Jo

@Artesia
I wish I could jump through your computer screen and give you a big and tight hug over and over again.

Please know that you have friends that accept you here on the forums although we can not compare to immediate family members accepting you.  I am so very sorry to hear of your difficult issues.  Hopefully your fiancé expressed her support for you to all the others.... and certainly she has given you a tight and long hug... 

We love you  [emoji173]

Hugs and well wishes.... and better times ahead for you.
Danielle

My heart goes out to you [emoji3590]

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

Woke up.  Still down.  Fiancé went to watch the youngest and will be back at 5pm.  Because we promised, and we don't go back on promises, but they're on their own after today.  I'm curled up on my couch, fighting my tears.  I should be doing my homework, or something constructive.  Haven't even mustered the willpower to shave.  Depression came back full force.  Waiting on my psychologist to call.  Nothing like being crushed.  Somehow, I have to get back up again.  Today, isn't going to be that day.  Just wanna sleep until the world goes away.  Miss my dog even more, she always made me feel better.  Too much.......just too much.....

I'm not going to kill myself, I love life too much.  Just today....sucks.  Not going back to her house.  I'm going to miss my grandkids.  Finally had the family I always wanted, and it was all a lie.

I'm so sorry. Perhaps your fiancee will be able to get to the bottom of it when her daughter gets back. I like to think that it wasn't squashed right there due to the stress and circumstances. Just be your wonderful self and I'm sure things will work out. Big hugs. ❤

Nope.  She left me.

I helped her pack to go take care of the grandkids for a couple weeks, then went to work.  When I got home, she and two of her daughters blocked me on facebook, and she won't answer my texts or phone calls.

I need a new place to live, and a better job to survive.

I'm broken.

I'm alone.

I'm tired.

I'm empty.

I'm nothing.

Quote from: Artesia on November 11, 2018, 02:25:32 PM
Nope.  She left me.

I helped her pack to go take care of the grandkids for a couple weeks, then went to work.  When I got home, she and two of her daughters blocked me on facebook, and she won't answer my texts or phone calls.

Wow what a crappy person [emoji24] I get that her daughter can't accept your transition but that is no reason to take it this far I am so sorry.

As far as you other post you are not nothing you are a beautiful woman and I promise things will get much better and if you ever want to talk you can private message me anytime day or night. Believe me there is a lot of times I feel exactly the same way you do but it always gets better. You just need to find that person that accepts you understands you and loves you for you.

Sent from my LG-LS777 using Tapatalk

Nope, just going to find a crappy apartment, and hide in there.  Work, apartment, work, apartment.....  No need to socialize except online with the few people I still have as friends.  I'm not going to let this happen again.  I'm not going to look, or provide an opportunity, for "love" to do this to me EVER again.

I'm not strong enough to do this again.

It's been a tough few years.  It's been a long and painful life.  The only better it has gotten is better lies from people who supposedly love me.

I found a touch of happiness when I transitioned.  I found more with my exfiance.  Then she had to take it and smash it into infinitesimally small pieces.  My heart physically hurts.

Quote from: Artesia on November 11, 2018, 08:38:48 PM
Nope, just going to find a crappy apartment, and hide in there.  Work, apartment, work, apartment.....  No need to socialize except online with the few people I still have as friends.  I'm not going to let this happen again.  I'm not going to look, or provide an opportunity, for "love" to do this to me EVER again.

I'm not strong enough to do this again.

It's been a tough few years.  It's been a long and painful life.  The only better it has gotten is better lies from people who supposedly love me.

I found a touch of happiness when I transitioned.  I found more with my exfiance.  Then she had to take it and smash it into infinitesimally small pieces.  My heart physically hurts.

@Artesia
I have no magic words for you to make everything better...
...but I want you to know that you have a lot of forums friends here that will offer an ear to listen and a virtual shoulder to lean on during your difficult times.
We will even offer unsolicited and possibly unwanted advice from time to time. ;)

But right now, we just want to "love" on you and give you big hugs.
Best wishes for better days ahead.
Danielle
[emoji173]

 :icon_cry: :icon_cry: :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2:

Unfortunately, that is all I feel right now. :icon_zombie: and this is how I'm going to be going through life.  Just going through the motions.  I really just don't want to move, breath, think, or anything else that keeps this shell going. 

Quote from: Artesia on November 11, 2018, 08:56:33 PM
:icon_cry: :icon_cry: :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2:

Unfortunately, that is all I feel right now. :icon_zombie: and this is how I'm going to be going through life.  Just going through the motions.  I really just don't want to move, breath, think, or anything else that keeps this shell going.

@Artesia
If I was anywhere near you, I would bring over a gallon of ice cream, chocolate and other various toppings...... and perhaps some chocolate candy bars and sit and eat and hug.... 

Hang in there girl, hopefully things will appear better for you soon.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle  [emoji173]

Quote from: Artesia on November 11, 2018, 08:56:33 PM
:icon_cry: :icon_cry: :icon_cry2: :icon_cry2:

Unfortunately, that is all I feel right now. :icon_zombie: and this is how I'm going to be going through life.  Just going through the motions.  I really just don't want to move, breath, think, or anything else that keeps this shell going.

It's moments like this that I know you want to be alone but you don't need to be alone and you shouldn't be alone

Sent from my LG-LS777 using Tapatalk

I am alone, and I'll always be alone, even when in a room full of people.

I'm so sorry things have gone this way for you.  Danielle is correct that you have friends here that care very much for you, I have since I joined Susan's.
Please try not to give up on love.  It could take some time for you to find your way to a happy place after this sad blow to your life.  But as life moves on, opportunities will arise to be social, then friends, then maybe love.

I pray you find a happy life...
Hugs, Jess

Not happening.  Work, apartment, work, apartment.  That is all.  No socializing with any new people.  No more real world friends.  Just the online ones I have here, and on Facebook.  I'm even going to leave all my guilds in ESO.  Not worth the aggravation anymore.

Quote from: Artesia on November 11, 2018, 10:23:57 PM
Not happening.  Work, apartment, work, apartment.  That is all.  No socializing with any new people.  No more real world friends.  Just the online ones I have here, and on Facebook.  I'm even going to leave all my guilds in ESO.  Not worth the aggravation anymore.

Omg you play eso me to sorta

Sent from my LG-LS777 using Tapatalk

Quote from: Arianna Valentine on November 11, 2018, 10:26:38 PM
Omg you play eso me to sorta

Sent from my LG-LS777 using Tapatalk

Yes, not often but I play on the Xbox 1.

I only have a couple "friends" on there, and I haven't seen or played with most of them in months.  Going to purge anyone I don't know and a few that I do know who have negative views of me and who I am.

Quote from: Artesia on November 11, 2018, 10:31:36 PM
Yes, not often but I play on the Xbox 1.

I only have a couple "friends" on there, and I haven't seen or played with most of them in months.  Going to purge anyone I don't know and a few that I do know who have negative views of me and who I am.

Dang I'm ps4

Sent from my LG-LS777 using Tapatalk

I have one of her kids, and her cousin still on my Facebook friends list.  I also have a couple mutual friends, who knew her longer than me, on there. I would feel bad purging the one daughter, she was very nice and even messaged me a couple times since my fiancé, her mom, left.  Her cousins kids also went out of their way to friend me.  They were good kids.  Should I purge them all?  I don't want to make them feel as if I was the one who left.  I always told them I felt they were my family too.  But it hurts to see them on there as well.  I'm torn in what to do about them.  Purge them and finish erasing her from my life, or keep them there because I love them as my own family?

This thread made me so sad but I never knew what to say.  I'm sorry you're going through it.

I might be able to help with your Facebook question.  If its seeing posts from them that hurts, you can keep them as friends but hide posts without unfriending. They will still be on your friend list but what they post won't show in your feed.  Not sure exactly how to do this, but I have done it with some people for various reasons.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Quote from: TonyaW on November 14, 2018, 08:18:14 AM
This thread made me so sad but I never knew what to say.  I'm sorry you're going through it.

I might be able to help with your Facebook question.  If its seeing posts from them that hurts, you can keep them as friends but hide posts without unfriending. They will still be on your friend list but what they post won't show in your feed.  Not sure exactly how to do this, but I have done it with some people for various reasons.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

You can unfollow without unfriending.  That way you can visit their pages when you want without having to have their post pop up on your feed.  I personally would keep all the friends that hadn't left.

Hugs, Jess

Quote from: TonyaW on November 14, 2018, 08:18:14 AM
This thread made me so sad but I never knew what to say.  I'm sorry you're going through it.

I might be able to help with your Facebook question.  If its seeing posts from them that hurts, you can keep them as friends but hide posts without unfriending. They will still be on your friend list but what they post won't show in your feed.  Not sure exactly how to do this, but I have done it with some people for various reasons.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

I'm sorry I made you sad too.  Unfortunately, this is the only place where I have someone to talk to about it.  Maybe the 20th, my psychologist will be able to help.

Quote from: Artesia on November 14, 2018, 09:44:04 AM
I'm sorry I made you sad too.  Unfortunately, this is the only place where I have someone to talk to about it.  Maybe the 20th, my psychologist will be able to help.

Many of us have great empathy for those in distress.
It's okay to feel emotions for someone's situation.  It doesn't mean they are in a bad place, but of concern.
Please, Susan's Place and your thread are safe places to vent, share emotions, laugh, cry.
Always feel comfortable in being yourself here.
We love you and you should hold that to your heart.

Hugs, Jess

Thank you all for your support.

I wish I could talk to everyone in person.  The keyboard is just to impersonal for me.  I really wish I could feel the acceptance you show me here.  I'm mostly just feeling the pain over everything else right now.

Quote from: Artesia on November 15, 2018, 06:44:04 AM
Thank you all for your support.

I wish I could talk to everyone in person.  The keyboard is just to impersonal for me.  I really wish I could feel the acceptance you show me here.  I'm mostly just feeling the pain over everything else right now.

@Artesia

Is there a trans support group you can go to and have some face time with other people?  I really think that might be a help for you at this very difficult time.

Take care,

Sonja.

We could communicate via Skype, if that is acceptable. I wouldn't mind having a weekly support group meeting of Susan's participants. Where we could see who we really are in real time. We may have to have several so others around the world can join in. Any thoughts?

Quote from: Sonja on November 18, 2018, 03:03:31 PM
@Artesia

Is there a trans support group you can go to and have some face time with other people?  I really think that might be a help for you at this very difficult time.

Take care,

Sonja.

Yes, in Chicago.  A place I will be unable to reach until my finances get fixed from the mess I was left with.

Quote from: DawnOday on November 18, 2018, 03:52:40 PM
We could communicate via Skype, if that is acceptable. I wouldn't mind having a weekly support group meeting of Susan's participants. Where we could see who we really are in real time. We may have to have several so others around the world can join in. Any thoughts?

It would be kind of nice.  One question though; what's Skype?

Skype (https://www.skype.com/en/) is a free software package that allows you to video chat with anybody in the world. As I type this, I am talking to somebody in Texas. You need a camera and speakers or a headset which can be obtained for around $100. It works with most internet connections of a mega bit or faster.

Update.

I have since been contacted by my ex-fiancés daughter.  She was very unkind to me in her attack as to why her mom supposedly left.  I still don't know her reason, just the stories passed to me by others.  Her daughter essentially told me that I am crazy and no one takes 40 years to come out and I don't know who I am.  As well as other derogatory statements about me.

This, unfortunately, struck me in what was left of my shattered heart, and I fell appart.  I took several sleeping pills and drank some wine so I could sleep, and I didn't care if I woke up the next day or not.  I lost control of myself, and couldn't see a way forward for me.  I felt as if I were thrown away like a piece of trash, and that my life had been a lie for the last year.

My psychologist, strongly, suggsted I check myself into a mental health facility.  I decided to follow her advice.  I have, since then, spent the last week in an acute care mental health facility within the VA.  I am doing better now, but I have a long way to go before I'm me again.  Thankfully, I have not lost the job I just started.

I feel like a failure, but I will eventually get back on my feet.

Awww honey, big hugs. I'm very glad you sought help and looked after yourself. It's a long road back but you have the strength inside.

X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk