Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey all -

I have made it through a year of waiting to get a go ahead from my wife and family,due to family events, until now when I can tell everyone about my true self.

BUT telling my sisters is fraught with danger as I see it, one of my sisters really lives back in the 1970s and will I think not process what I am telling her, the other is conservative and thinks trans women cannot be women because we cant have a period or have a child.  SO...want to come out now, no it is really need to come out NOW, but fear is unexpectedly stopping me each time I think I am ready.  Any advice?  Ways to get past this?

Love and Hugs, Marcie

do it anyway.  If they are going to have a bad reaction, it's going to be that way now or a year or 2 years from now. You are ready, just do it.

Easy words, I know, I had lots of trepidation as well and I had the benefit of knowing that most of them would be OK with it.

This is about you though. You're ready by your own admission. The time is now.

Big hug! There's only one way to get past it...and that's do it. You're living your life for you, not your sisters. People who don't accept us aren't people worth having in our lives. If they accept you, great. If they don't accept you, great, move on without them.

Hugs, Devlyn

I agree with Faith and Devlyn. You can't please everyone, but you can please yourself.
It sounds as if you have your wife's support, that in itself is major.

Hugs, Jessica

Quote from: Jessica on November 14, 2018, 08:57:00 AM
I agree with Faith and Devlyn. You can't please everyone, but you can please yourself.
It sounds as if you have your wife's support, that in itself is major.

Hugs, Jessica

Thank You so much, I have my wife's support, but no promise of a long term life together she is still figuring it out for herself, she feels like she is being a Lesbian if she stays with me and that is not how she identifies.  But for now she is supportive by being there...I am missing emotional support however from her.  It is so hard right now.  Thank You  Marcie

Quote from: Faith on November 14, 2018, 08:49:50 AM
do it anyway.  If they are going to have a bad reaction, it's going to be that way now or a year or 2 years from now. You are ready, just do it.

Easy words, I know, I had lots of trepidation as well and I had the benefit of knowing that most of them would be OK with it.

This is about you though. You're ready by your own admission. The time is now.

Yes it is time, I wish I had told them a year ago, I have had too much time to think about it!  Thanks  Love and Hugs, Marcie

Quote from: Devlyn on November 14, 2018, 08:52:40 AM
Big hug! There's only one way to get past it...and that's do it. You're living your life for you, not your sisters. People who don't accept us aren't people worth having in our lives. If they accept you, great. If they don't accept you, great, move on without them.

Hugs, Devlyn

I know, it is that alienation that I fear, it was something I learned from watching my Mom, she wanted to please everyone, this is so hard!  Thanks!  Hugs, Marcie

Marcie,
I am a middle child with sisters on both sides! Telling them was one of my biggest fears. I told my older sister and got the exact response I expected. She didn't agree with me at all and tried to convince me I was confused. It was one of those conversations where you feel like you are beating your head against a wall over and over while someone just talks in circles.
It was exhausting to say the least. She also didn't respect my request to keep it to herself for the time being. She immediately talked to my parents (Whom I already had told) and a friend from her church. This just strengthened her ideas of my mental state. She sent me texts for months with ignorant articles that where about mental health and trans.

I have not told my younger sister yet, but I believe she knows. Either my parents or my older sister may have told her. I have received really weird texts out of the blue asking me how I was doing and that she was concerned or thinking about me. Just strange and uncomfortable.

That being said. I do not regret telling my older sister. I am not afraid to tell my younger sister now. It is just one of those things I prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. Worst thing they can do is react like you expect. Best thing they can do is surprise you with support or at least acceptance. It isn't easy, but they can't change you and you won't be able to change their initial reaction.

It is tough, but the more you think about it, the more it can build up and create more fear. Even if it is unpleasant, having that burden off your shoulders will be of some benefit for you.

Good Lucks,
Lacy

Marse,
   The advice above is spot on. You know what you have to do. Delaying only causes anxiety. Do I understand your fear? Yeah, I delayed telling my brother when we were out on his  boat. I was afraid he would throw me overboard. Seriously! I got it done soon after though. You do it even though you might lose them. You act like you have a choice here. I know you, you have no choice. Do it the best way you can and then it is out of your control. They are adults. They choose whether they will act like idiots or like loved ones. You have friends and family who will support you. Come on Girl, get it going!
Love,
Moni

Quote from: RealLacy on November 14, 2018, 11:15:06 AM
Marcie,
I am a middle child with sisters on both sides! Telling them was one of my biggest fears. I told my older sister and got the exact response I expected. She didn't agree with me at all and tried to convince me I was confused. It was one of those conversations where you feel like you are beating your head against a wall over and over while someone just talks in circles.
It was exhausting to say the least. She also didn't respect my request to keep it to herself for the time being. She immediately talked to my parents (Whom I already had told) and a friend from her church. This just strengthened her ideas of my mental state. She sent me texts for months with ignorant articles that where about mental health and trans.

I have not told my younger sister yet, but I believe she knows. Either my parents or my older sister may have told her. I have received really weird texts out of the blue asking me how I was doing and that she was concerned or thinking about me. Just strange and uncomfortable.

That being said. I do not regret telling my older sister. I am not afraid to tell my younger sister now. It is just one of those things I prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. Worst thing they can do is react like you expect. Best thing they can do is surprise you with support or at least acceptance. It isn't easy, but they can't change you and you won't be able to change their initial reaction.

It is tough, but the more you think about it, the more it can build up and create more fear. Even if it is unpleasant, having that burden off your shoulders will be of some benefit for you.

Good Lucks,
Lacy

WOW - thank you - the way your older sister reacted is what I expect, I surely hope I am wrong, but it is very probable. Thanks for helping see I can survive if it goes that way!  Love and Hugs, Marcie 

Quote from: HappyMoni on November 14, 2018, 03:32:06 PM
Marse,
   The advice above is spot on. You know what you have to do. Delaying only causes anxiety. Do I understand your fear? Yeah, I delayed telling my brother when we were out on his  boat. I was afraid he would throw me overboard. Seriously! I got it done soon after though. You do it even though you might lose them. You act like you have a choice here. I know you, you have no choice. Do it the best way you can and then it is out of your control. They are adults. They choose whether they will act like idiots or like loved ones. You have friends and family who will support you. Come on Girl, get it going!
Love,
Moni

Moni - I love you too.  You know, that I know, and I am just stalling the inevitable.  It is just I am so adverse to the probable pain!   Hope to see you soon!  Love ya, Marcie