General Discussions => General discussions => Topic started by: Michelledeanna1989 on November 16, 2018, 01:21:47 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Dealing with transphobic father
Post by: Michelledeanna1989 on November 16, 2018, 01:21:47 PM
Post by: Michelledeanna1989 on November 16, 2018, 01:21:47 PM
Hey since coming out a year ago almost
Everyone has been really supportive. I do t really have
Any friends who are trans so everyone I am around or talk to
Are cis gender. 99% are really supportive with no issues.
My dad is on the other hand not. I'm looking for a new job
And I've had 5 offers but turned them down. Then had an awesome
Interview on wed. It was also my first time wearing a dress in public.
The conversation I had with my dad afterwards was hard I'm still getting over
What he said I may have made it worse by comparing him to trump.
After I told him how my interview went he. Said in his opinion I should just do the transgender
Thing at night and then said after I said my trump comment and how I felt he should seek counseling to help threw his issues and his transphobic views and he then said
That he has been in business a long time and most companies would hire someone
Like you. In Canada is illegal not to hire someone based off of them being trans.
I told him how I felt he was wrong and about my previous offers that I turned down.
He then told me if I'm going to my brother hockey game today I'm welcome to come but only as his so Mitch. He refuses to use female pronouns or my legal name.
My family is supportive I present at his house as female his wife is great she bought me close helped with make up got me 8 laser seasons for like $35 each
We live in different city's so we done see each other often.. I've had periods where I cut communication with him. He just doesn't understand. He only thing he seems to show interest in is my younger brother making the NHL. I know I can assume everyone is supportive but it hit me hard. I missed to interviews this morning I couldn't get myself to leave I know what he said isn't true. Plus I'm apply for entry level jobs like being a janitor or I had one fire seniors care and I am hoping for an offer. I have a hard time not blaming myself.
I lost my mom 2 years ago to cancer. She would of been supportive.
So it make it harder without her facing this..
Everyone has been really supportive. I do t really have
Any friends who are trans so everyone I am around or talk to
Are cis gender. 99% are really supportive with no issues.
My dad is on the other hand not. I'm looking for a new job
And I've had 5 offers but turned them down. Then had an awesome
Interview on wed. It was also my first time wearing a dress in public.
The conversation I had with my dad afterwards was hard I'm still getting over
What he said I may have made it worse by comparing him to trump.
After I told him how my interview went he. Said in his opinion I should just do the transgender
Thing at night and then said after I said my trump comment and how I felt he should seek counseling to help threw his issues and his transphobic views and he then said
That he has been in business a long time and most companies would hire someone
Like you. In Canada is illegal not to hire someone based off of them being trans.
I told him how I felt he was wrong and about my previous offers that I turned down.
He then told me if I'm going to my brother hockey game today I'm welcome to come but only as his so Mitch. He refuses to use female pronouns or my legal name.
My family is supportive I present at his house as female his wife is great she bought me close helped with make up got me 8 laser seasons for like $35 each
We live in different city's so we done see each other often.. I've had periods where I cut communication with him. He just doesn't understand. He only thing he seems to show interest in is my younger brother making the NHL. I know I can assume everyone is supportive but it hit me hard. I missed to interviews this morning I couldn't get myself to leave I know what he said isn't true. Plus I'm apply for entry level jobs like being a janitor or I had one fire seniors care and I am hoping for an offer. I have a hard time not blaming myself.
I lost my mom 2 years ago to cancer. She would of been supportive.
So it make it harder without her facing this..
Title: Re: Dealing with transphobic father
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 16, 2018, 06:40:02 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on November 16, 2018, 06:40:02 PM
@Michelledeanna1989
No easy answer but the thing to always remember is that he will always be your father.
You need to live your life as you see fit and do what makes you happy... but............
As you have personal times with him it is important to always show your love and respect as much as possible. It may be likely that you will never be able to gain acceptance from him but arguing and ignoring him and being irate with each other is not a good option.
I have been full-time for almost 2 years.... and well over 4 years ago I came out to my family regarding my transition journey and to this day my father and mother still do not accept me... but instead of being bitter and angry, I keep showing my love and telling them that I love him in phone calls and emails.
I live a long way and many states away and I am planning to take a trip visit him and my mom for the first time in 2 years around this Christmas time or sometime shortly after in January or February.
Whether they ever finally accept me or not is their decision, not mine, but for me it is important that I continue to try to do the right thing. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't.
Hugs and well wishes to you.
Danielle
No easy answer but the thing to always remember is that he will always be your father.
You need to live your life as you see fit and do what makes you happy... but............
As you have personal times with him it is important to always show your love and respect as much as possible. It may be likely that you will never be able to gain acceptance from him but arguing and ignoring him and being irate with each other is not a good option.
I have been full-time for almost 2 years.... and well over 4 years ago I came out to my family regarding my transition journey and to this day my father and mother still do not accept me... but instead of being bitter and angry, I keep showing my love and telling them that I love him in phone calls and emails.
I live a long way and many states away and I am planning to take a trip visit him and my mom for the first time in 2 years around this Christmas time or sometime shortly after in January or February.
Whether they ever finally accept me or not is their decision, not mine, but for me it is important that I continue to try to do the right thing. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't.
Hugs and well wishes to you.
Danielle
Title: Re: Dealing with transphobic father
Post by: DawnOday on November 16, 2018, 09:10:23 PM
Post by: DawnOday on November 16, 2018, 09:10:23 PM
Michelle- Sorry your Dad didn't get the news. Being transgender is not your choice. Your choice is to no longer live the lie. http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm
https://www.functionalneurology.com/materiale_cic/389_XXIV_1/3373_sexual/index.html
I hope you can get enough information to make an informed explanation to your father. Yes I agree. Calling him Trump is probably not the right thing. I used to lash out too whenever I thought someone was not giving my pov much regard. You will be fine. You just need to remind Pop's that he chose his path in life and you deserve the right to choose yours. Once you have gotten him to listen ask if he will join you for a therapy session or two. Your Dad is probably not transphobic he is probably unaware of why we are the way we are. Especially if he is religious. He probably has never heard the truth.
https://www.functionalneurology.com/materiale_cic/389_XXIV_1/3373_sexual/index.html
I hope you can get enough information to make an informed explanation to your father. Yes I agree. Calling him Trump is probably not the right thing. I used to lash out too whenever I thought someone was not giving my pov much regard. You will be fine. You just need to remind Pop's that he chose his path in life and you deserve the right to choose yours. Once you have gotten him to listen ask if he will join you for a therapy session or two. Your Dad is probably not transphobic he is probably unaware of why we are the way we are. Especially if he is religious. He probably has never heard the truth.
Title: Re: Dealing with transphobic father
Post by: Michelledeanna1989 on November 20, 2018, 01:02:35 PM
Post by: Michelledeanna1989 on November 20, 2018, 01:02:35 PM
Thanks for your comments everyone they helped
a lot with putting everything in prospective..
I'm also pleased to say I found a part time job in the
Evenings. As a janitor. It pretty good pay. It works well
With my schooling. 6pm to 10pm Monday to Friday
So it will cover my rent And living expenses and afrer 3 months it has extended health benefits.So everything not covered under Canada's health plan.
a lot with putting everything in prospective..
I'm also pleased to say I found a part time job in the
Evenings. As a janitor. It pretty good pay. It works well
With my schooling. 6pm to 10pm Monday to Friday
So it will cover my rent And living expenses and afrer 3 months it has extended health benefits.So everything not covered under Canada's health plan.