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Today, while I was out doing errands I ran into friend of my mom, and now I'm worried that she will say something to my mom who still doesn't know that I'm trans about seeing me in make up and in women's clothes today. Should I just wait and see what happens or should I Just come out to my mom before anything happens. I'm just not sure how I should deal with this I need some advice on how to deal with this.

Quote from: Jenna92 on November 16, 2018, 04:42:51 PM
Today, while I was out doing errands I ran into friend of my mom, and now I'm worried that she will say something to my mom who still doesn't know that I'm trans about seeing me in make up and in women's clothes today. Should I just wait and see what happens or should I Just come out to my mom before anything happens. I'm just not sure how I should deal with this I need some advice on how to deal with this.

@Jenna92
If the friend of your mom's is a very good friend they talk together frequently, my suggestion is that you talk to your mom on your terms BEFORE your friend talks to your mom.....   this would be the better way it could go ... just my opinion...

If you are committed to transitioning then go forward with your coming out announcement to your mom and other close friends.
Wishing your well.
Hugs,
Danielle

The cat may be out of the bag.  I agree with Danielle that it may be best to confront your mother with your truth, rather than having her listening to others presumptions.

Hugs, Jessica

Unfortunately it sounds like any plans of waiting to tell your mom just got shredded.

It will be best if she hears this from you first. All sorts of negative reactions could come about from her hearing about it from a friend.



Hugs,
Lacy

How aware is your mother about being transgender and what it means.? Is she sympathetic with others? Is she aware it is not a choice other than a choice not to be unhappy anymore. Are you prepared to attend a few therapy sessions with her? Did her friend make a big deal about it? Would you join a support group. Do you know any other transgender people. I didn't and it was a real eye opener when I went to Gender Odyssey and 1700 other people like me showed up. That was two years ago. Since then I attend a couple support groups per week.  I've met some really great cis women that have befriended me and now they will be lifelong friends and not just service providers. I am finding opportunities to express myself like never before and I am thankful that I finally acknowledged the 800 lb gorilla that had taken a hold of my life at birth. I am a lot older than you but I was so naive it was like a whole new world opening up. Honestly this has been the best two and a half years of my life. I have met some really fabulous people that I would not have met otherwise.  I am going to add a couple of sources that may assist you with Mom.  The first is a research project by Dr. Anne Vitale.  http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm    https://www.functionalneurology.com/materiale_cic/389_XXIV_1/3373_sexual/index.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,104243.msg780226.html#msg780226

I have decided that I'm going to come out to my mom as soon as possible rather then wait for my mom's friends to tell her about what she saw today, since I know that it will probably come up then next time they talk  to each other. I'm going to hope for the best since I don't how my mom will react to hearing that I'm transgender. I'm not even sure how my mom feels about trans people in general, but I'm hoping that she will understand and be supportive. I'm prepared to go to a few therapy sessions with her if she would go with me and I'm think about finding a support group for my mom and, I to join since I feel like that could be helpful for us since we could both have people who have gone through what we been through support us.

Sometimes things happen that make the leap that is so difficult to do as to come out to love ones into a necessity. This can in the long run help you to move forward with your life. I honestly believe it's better coming from you than a friend. I do hope things go well for you

Let me just say this. Mothers are the world's loveliest creature. No mather if it was their son that started the fight she will always protect him. That said, mothers are sympathetic creatures that want to understand their children. That said, unless your mother is transphobic she will probably not resent you or discriminate against you ;)
Go for it and then tell us what happened. I will be cheering for you  ;D

Quote from: Nuno Cardoso on November 17, 2018, 03:26:00 AM
Let me just say this. Mothers are the world's loveliest creature. No mather if it was their son that started the fight she will always protect him. That said, mothers are sympathetic creatures that want to understand their children. That said, unless your mother is transphobic she will probably not resent you or discriminate against you ;)
Go for it and then tell us what happened. I will be cheering for you  ;D

+1 on this - I was overwhelmed (and disappointed in my own judgement) of how supportive my family were when I considered that they really wouldn't be.

Quote from: Nuno Cardoso on November 17, 2018, 03:26:00 AM
Let me just say this. Mothers are the world's loveliest creature. No mather if it was their son that started the fight she will always protect him. That said, mothers are sympathetic creatures that want to understand their children. That said, unless your mother is transphobic she will probably not resent you or discriminate against you ;)
Go for it and then tell us what happened. I will be cheering for you  ;D

I wish... [emoji17]

Since my coming out (which was done as tactfully as possible), one year and half ago, my mother has refused to have any contact with me again. My dad, who did answer my emails at first, eventually followed the same path.

So I suppose it very much depends on individual cases. It depends on how close you were with your mom, how much open minded she is, how much importance she gives to social appearances...

I was fortunate that the rest of my social network was extremely supportive (wife, kids, co-workers, boss, friends, rest of family...). Otherwise my transition would have sucked big time. Instead, it's being one of the most nirvanesque experiences a human being could go through. [emoji4]

Hugs, Sarah

P.S.: On a more personal side... Are you from PT? I am... Check out the translation of my pseudo ("distel") from Dutch to PT. You might be surprised... [emoji16]

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Im from PT :) i feel for you. You are right to say that it depends on the individuality of our parents. I guess its because my mother workd with children and is used to all kinds of issues that it brings that i feel she would be supportive.

Jenna,

While I have a strong feeling that these ladies are right that the "cat is out of the bag," and I also assume that you did not successfully convince your mom's friend that you were presenting as an actress in a local theatre production and had to get comfortable in public in the female role,   :)  there is another feasible outcome.

It may be that your mom's friend will say nothing to your mom, thinking it may be best to say nothing to your mom until your mom decides to openly talk about her new daughter.  In fact, that may be the kinder course of action for her to take.  What your mom's friend does do or does not do is dependent on her personality and her relationship with your mom.

She may in fact talk about you with her husband or someone else to obtain advice about how she should proceed.  We do not know what she will do, do we?  I do not think that worrying is productive though, so try to avoid that.  Easier said than done, I know.  Instead, be wise.

In any event, I would think it would be a good idea to very soon bring up your trans status in an open conversation with your mom.  You mentioned that you will do that in your more recent post. 

She may be more understanding than you might think.  Remember that her original reaction might be confusion and bewilderment, not anger, but also remember that she loves you.

It is good to be willing to go to gender therapy and to potentially have some sessions with your mom.  Seeking out support groups for her, as well as you, could be a good thing too.

Hope for the best and I am wishing you the very best of results.

Chrissy

You should know your mothers attitude towards Tgs. Its a topic that most families have been made aware of from extensive media coverage and should have come up in family dinners.I would also be suprised if your mum has no idea that you might be tg, they have that mothers special radar. Mothers in general are the most understanding and supportive of their sons and unless there are strong religious attitudes she already knows and is waiting for you to tell her.

Quote from: Jenna92 on November 17, 2018, 02:15:30 AM
I have decided that I'm going to come out to my mom as soon as possible rather then wait for my mom's friends to tell her about what she saw today, since I know that it will probably come up then next time they talk  to each other. I'm going to hope for the best since I don't how my mom will react to hearing that I'm transgender. I'm not even sure how my mom feels about trans people in general, but I'm hoping that she will understand and be supportive. I'm prepared to go to a few therapy sessions with her if she would go with me and I'm think about finding a support group for my mom and, I to join since I feel like that could be helpful for us since we could both have people who have gone through what we been through support us.

Jenna,
   Good luck telling your Mom. It makes sense to tell her because then you at least have some control of how the news is delivered. How it is taken by her, well, there are no guarantees. If this is who you are, she will need to know at some point anyway. I don't know if you are financially dependent on her, but even if you are now and things go poorly, keep in mind that soon you will be able to build your life as you want it. I really hope she chooses to be part of that life.
Moni

I agree that it is highly unlikely word doesn't get to your mother.  That is just too juicy a bit of gossip even if her friend doesn't directly tell her. I don't know your situation, but it does appear circumstances may have forced your hand. Best of luck. 

I just texted my mom that, I have something important to tell her when I meet up with  her later today. I'm just going to try to stop worrying and just be positive. I kind of have a good feeling about this end if I don't exactly know what she will say. I will let everyone know how it goes.

Quote from: Jenna92 on November 17, 2018, 02:07:01 PM
I just texted my mom that, I have something important to tell her when I meet up with  her later today. I'm just going to try to stop worrying and just be positive. I kind of have a good feeling about this end if I don't exactly know what she will say. I will let everyone know how it goes.

No matter what happens (and I'm crossing fingers for you!), I think this is the best move. Be strong, be true, be yourself... [emoji172]

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Quote from: Jenna92 on November 17, 2018, 02:07:01 PM
I just texted my mom that, I have something important to tell her when I meet up with  her later today. I'm just going to try to stop worrying and just be positive. I kind of have a good feeling about this end if I don't exactly know what she will say. I will let everyone know how it goes.

Good for you Jenna!

I am wishing the best of results for you, and your mom!


Chrissy

Quote from: Jenna92 on November 17, 2018, 02:07:01 PM
I just texted my mom that, I have something important to tell her when I meet up with  her later today. I'm just going to try to stop worrying and just be positive. I kind of have a good feeling about this end if I don't exactly know what she will say. I will let everyone know how it goes.

I'll be thinking about you Jenna. Positive think is the right move! I am hoping your mom will take everything well. Stay confident and know we all support you!

Lacy

Good luck Jenna

I hope it goes really well. My Mom never said much or did much...its like she is there but just going through the motions...when I look in her eyes she is not there anymore. She says the appropriate thing sometimes but mostly she just avoids being with me.

Grieving for the loss of a family member who is still alive seems to be one of those uniquely horrible experiences we trans men and women are familiar with


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I just got done talking with my mom and it went very well my mom took the news that I'm trans very well. She said that she will support me while I transition and I can talk to her about anything on my mind. I'm glad that I was worried about nothing.

Quote from: Jenna92 on November 17, 2018, 08:02:50 PM
I just got done talking with my mom and it went very well my mom took the news that I'm trans very well. She said that she will support me while I transition and I can talk to her about anything on my mind. I'm glad that I was worried about nothing.

That is really good news Jenna!

Chrissy

See? It all went fine. One thing you need to realize is that your not a different person soo you cant make your mother feel that way. Just be like you were normally and she will adapt well :)

Yay! I'm so glad everything went well Jenna. I look forward to updates as you feel free to post them.

Great news Jenna. Happy to hear it. I am waiting to hear of another friend's coming out tonight. Hoping for 2 for 2.

I'm glad it went well. :)

I know the grinding feeling of trying to figure out how to come out to people. It's a relief when it's over, and it feels amazing to have supportive people in your corner.

Quote from: Jenna92 on November 17, 2018, 08:02:50 PM
I just got done talking with my mom and it went very well my mom took the news that I'm trans very well. She said that she will support me while I transition and I can talk to her about anything on my mind. I'm glad that I was worried about nothing.

Aw!!! Jenna I am so happy for you. A mother's love is unique in this world. I'm sure you feel a great weight lifted off your shoulders, please keep us updated with your transition. XO

I am late to the party but I loved this thread... drama followed by nervous excitement, and then a very happy ending. It made me feel all gooey inside.

Jenna... you're amazing!  ...and so is your mom! 

Well done girl, I am so happy for you.

...and thank you for making me feel really good today by sharing it with us.


*hug*

love
Alice

Awesome!!! So very pleased for you Jenna, that was a big step. I had my fingers crossed for you

Big hugs and my love sent your way

Jessica

Congratulations! One more step along the journey :)