Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Ok... First post in about four years (where did the time go?)
I've been in a very big slump for the past several years. My parents divorced in 2014 and I have been in a depression ever since.
At the time of the divorce I had been self medicating for almost a year and continued doing so until I became homeless when they separated in 2016. Went off meds for half a year and started seeing a therapist in Lund in order to get a diagnosis. Got the diagnosis Gender Dysphoria without further specification in the fall of 2017 and got hormones from an endocrinologist in March this year.
I'm pretty disappointed in my results over these years. I am barely an A cup after self medicating on and off since I was 20. Really hoped that I'd get more general feminization over the years but barely anything has happened in my opinion.
This is one of the major factors why I am still pretty much in the closet. I think that I'll never pass no matter what and if I do try I am afraid that the few remaining family members that I have contact with will cease it entirely.

Still, I have made more progress this year than 2014-2017 combined. I have talked to two people in my peripheral social circle that I believed would accept me. One is a woman on her 50s and the other is a transgender girl my age.
The girl has promised to see if she can help me find any clothing and the woman has said that she could show me about make up and everything since I still haven't gotten to this point since I've been entirely on my own for many years and too afraid of doing anything.
I'm still afraid and still haven't done anything but it is a start at least...

Hi, 930310!

Welcome back to Susan's Place.  I know you have been here before, but it has been a while, so I'll give you the full welcome. :)

Congratulations on getting out of your slump and making progress on prescription HRT.  Results will take a while, and patience is necessary.  However, judging from your avatar photo, I don't think you will have to worry about passing, at least visually.  Your face is already quite feminine.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell the current crop of members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new and returning members:

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Thanks,
Yeah, it's been a while. I remember almost spamming the forum a few years back. Life got in the way and I put my feelings on a hold. Had to care for my mother for a while when she was doing drugs but eventually I gave up since she didn't want any help and I wasn't the right person to do so. She eventually left me and my two younger brothers on our own and moved away.
I have some contact with my father and his mother but that's about it for me.

Hi 930310,

With all the family things you had to put up with, it must have been so hard. I can't imagine what it is like to be homeless. With all the nice people here, there is support for you online.

Welcome.

~Dee.

Hi.
I was homeless from April to August 2016 but I now live in an apartment. I've been on leave from my studies since December 2017 due to the trauma I suffered during the divorce. Things were hard, and still are hard. I'm still alive though, so that's a plus.

By the way, here's me when I was a new member in late 2013 vs me as a returning member in late 2018:
(https://i.imgur.com/Th4o5FA.jpg)(https://i.imgur.com/3OhGK3D.jpg)

I agree with Kathy, your face is very feminine. About breast development, I know nothing about that, as I have only just started HRT and feel nothing happening yet. It is all ahead of me. But since coming out, I feel happier.

~Dee.

Welcome back!

I misgender very easily as female despite the lack of boobs.  I'm between a 32AA and 32A.

I think how you talk and move is more useful for passing.

One thing I do look for when gendering people is to look for bra straps. 

Quote from: 930310 on December 10, 2018, 03:54:15 PM
Hi.
I was homeless from April to August 2016 but I now live in an apartment. I've been on leave from my studies since December 2017 due to the trauma I suffered during the divorce. Things were hard, and still are hard. I'm still alive though, so that's a plus.

By the way, here's me when I was a new member in late 2013 vs me as a returning member in late 2018:
(https://i.imgur.com/Th4o5FA.jpg)(https://i.imgur.com/3OhGK3D.jpg)

I think you changed from a pretty rough looking teenager into a pretty nice looking girl!

Welcome to the site 930310.  I'm glad you have found some support in the transgender community.  Believe it or not I found it crucial to my transition. 

And don't stress.  Let the hormones do their work.  Don't get discouraged.  Going off and on is no way to judge how a years long, sustained and supervised HRT regimen will transform you.  And for what it's worth, I for one see a lovely young girl already.

Hi 930310,

From your picture I would say that you shouldnt have any trouble passing. Just take one step at a time to build your confidence.

Hugs

Izzy

Honestly, if I saw you on the street, I wold think you were a cis female.

But remember one very important thing that many people on HRT seem to forget.  Puberty takes YEARS.  Its not an overnight, nor even a one year happening.  We are basically in puberty from age 13 to age 20.  IIRC, the feet don't stop growing until age 25!

So be patient, and let it happen...or in your case, let it continue to happen.  Its looking wonderful so far!  :)

Ryuichi

Quote from: Ryuichi13 on December 21, 2018, 04:41:48 PM
Honestly, if I saw you on the street, I wold think you were a cis female.

But remember one very important thing that many people on HRT seem to forget.  Puberty takes YEARS.  Its not an overnight, nor even a one year happening.  We are basically in puberty from age 13 to age 20.  IIRC, the feet don't stop growing until age 25!

So be patient, and let it happen...or in your case, let it continue to happen.  Its looking wonderful so far!  :)

Ryuichi

And the nose beats them all, it can grow until the age of 29!  A cute nose of a 18 year old can become a hawk beak by the age of 29!  One never knows how mother nature plays her cards!

There are some things about my face that are quite masculine though. That picture is one of the better ones. People almost always assume that I'm male when they see me. I am 6'1" so that is a little taller than the average female.
Right now after a shower I look like this:
(https://i.imgur.com/8inPwnV.png)

I have to learn how to apply make up but I am so bad at finding any good sites in Sweden that can help me.

Quote from: 930310 on December 23, 2018, 08:11:39 AM
There are some things about my face that are quite masculine though. That picture is one of the better ones. People almost always assume that I'm male when they see me. I am 6'1" so that is a little taller than the average female.
Right now after a shower I look like this:
(https://i.imgur.com/8inPwnV.png)

I have to learn how to apply make up but I am so bad at finding any good sites in Sweden that can help me.

I still think you look pretty female!  and with some makeup work, you can touch the look up! There are close to a million you tube videos teaching you how to do make up!

I am 6' tall, and much difference! anyway, so what, you are just a tall girl, and with the right makeup and clothing, you are a tall pretty girl!

Go for it!

I know but the issue is that I don't know which sorts to use since many of the brands in the US are unavailable in Sweden.

Quote from: 930310 on December 23, 2018, 10:31:08 AM
I know but the issue is that I don't know which sorts to use since many of the brands in the US are unavailable in Sweden.

I bet the major companies sell their products in Sweden, too.  And the rest might be European companies, who would have equivalent products.  Just stroll through a department store, and look are ask what they have for the different applications.  Or go online, I bet you can find almost anything you want on Amazon

Do you have any girlfriends you could ask?  My female friends introduced me to the stuff, and even did my first few makeups, and still do, if we want to go out fancy!  Get the girls involved, I bet they would be excited to girly you up some more!  Remember, girls are not macho like guys are, they do not want to compete all the time, they rather sick together instead of pounding their chests like mini Tarzans or Rambos!

Quote from: 930310 on December 23, 2018, 10:31:08 AM
I know but the issue is that I don't know which sorts to use since many of the brands in the US are unavailable in Sweden.

Thanks to YouTube we all have a lot of knowledgeable friends eager to share their knowledge of makeup with us. Start watching theses vloggers and learn stuff. It looks like there are quite a few beautiful Swedish beauty vloggers, too: https://www.google.com/search?q=sweden+beauty+vlogger+site%3Awww.youtube.com&btnG=Search&hl=en&gbv=1 (https://www.google.com/search?q=sweden+beauty+vlogger+site%3Awww.youtube.com&btnG=Search&hl=en&gbv=1).

The best way to learn makeup is to take one thing at a time rather than to try and do it all at once. Pick up some mascara and an eyelash curler. Practice with them every day for a week or two. Than move on to eyeliner and practice that. In time you'll be an expert.

I don't know if they do this in Sweden, but at some department stores and makeup counters in malls, you can ask the woman working at the makeup counter to use their products on you.  Of course, they may want you to buy some (often, they get a commission from the sale, iirc), but at least you will have an idea on what looks best on you.  Be sure to ask if you have to pay for the makeover first!

I hear a makeover is a wonderful pick-me-up. :)

Good luck!

Ryuichi

One thing I notice is that your eyebrows are very faint in the picture yet your eyes are quite dark.  I can hardly even see your brows actually.    I would suggest darkening your brows to make them darker, like your eyes.  A brow pencil is cheap.  You will probably have to experiment with various shades until you get one that you like.  I use one to darken my brows and make them look more even.

It takes practice to get them right but it's something lots of women learn.

Quote from: Janes Groove on December 23, 2018, 10:10:25 PM
One thing I notice is that your eyebrows are very faint in the picture yet your eyes are quite dark.  I can hardly even see your brows actually.    I would suggest darkening your brows to make them darker, like your eyes.  A brow pencil is cheap.  You will probably have to experiment with various shades until you get one that you like.  I use one to darken my brows and make them look more even.

It takes practice to get them right but it's something lots of women learn.

Mine are very light, too.   I had them dyed them nice and dark.  Mine grow very slow (I don't now if hat is normal), and the dye is good for several months.

My eyebrows are very faint because I trim them heavily. If I didn't do anything about them they'd be very bushy and merge together to a monobrow. I am dark under my eyes due to very superficial blood vessels and a chronic lack of sleep.
We don't have makeup counters like the ones you describe. If you want help you have to go to a studio and they're ridiculously expensive. Considering that I have no income to speak of since I am on sick leave from my studies I don't have much money to spend.

Quote from: 930310 on December 24, 2018, 12:48:55 AM
My eyebrows are very faint because I trim them heavily. If I didn't do anything about them they'd be very bushy and merge together to a monobrow. I am dark under my eyes due to very superficial blood vessels and a chronic lack of sleep.
We don't have makeup counters like the ones you describe. If you want help you have to go to a studio and they're ridiculously expensive. Considering that I have no income to speak of since I am on sick leave from my studies I don't have much money to spend.

The lack of sleep only you can do something about, you should try to get about 8 sleep hours in a 24 hour period.  It does not be all at the same time, s long as you can sleep long enough to get some decent REM sleep in.  You could do a few hours at night, and a few during the day.

Concerning makeup, don't you have some low price stores like Walmart where you live?  Another way to get low cost cosmetics would be Amazon.
Saying I can't will not help your situation, you need to find ways how you can do things, just set your mind to it!

To become a woman, one has to show initiative and, if required, be innovative.  Nobody here woke up one morning to be able to say :wow, I am a woman now!  All of us had or still have to fight and work hard, to achieve this goal.  But if anything, this fighting makes you to become a stronger and better person for your future life!

Telling a person who has problems with depression and anxiety to just fight and press on/setting my mind to it is very counter-productive.
I have problems with my sleep and I need to take medication just to fall asleep so it's not something I can just do whenever I feel like it. Some nights I can't sleep at all despite taking double or triple of my medication.

Quote from: 930310 on December 24, 2018, 02:51:26 PM
Telling a person who has problems with depression and anxiety to just fight and press on/setting my mind to it is very counter-productive.
I have problems with my sleep and I need to take medication just to fall asleep so it's not something I can just do whenever I feel like it. Some nights I can't sleep at all despite taking double or triple of my medication.

I wanted to help you!  I have problems with sleep, too.  I am using a Cpap machine for almost 20 years now, to be able to get a decent sleep.  It is a medical fact that you do not need your sleep quantity all over night, you can split your sleep up into several segments.  Have you ever been tested in a sleep lab?  Maybe that they can help you to find the reason for your sleep problems.  Medication is not the solution to a problem, one has to find the root cause, and wok on this, see if your doctor will prescribe a sleep lab test for you!

But how do you expect to solve your journey to become a female, if you do not work on it?  Anxiety and depression can be controlled with medications, and if you set out to become female, this would/might take some of the depression away from you.

I wish for you that you find a solution for your problems, but it is very often not easy to achieve the solution.
Just don't forget, nobody here started out as a female, we all had to go through a lot of problems to get there, and e still have to solve problems.  We can try to give you ideas and advice, but it is you wo has to implement them to fit your life.

Good luck on your path and Merry Christmas
Linde

People are very different. Some respond well to being told to just do it while others get discouraged. I have had many problems in my life, which I know many other transgender individuals have had as well, but I have reacted by becoming more and more insecure and started to avoid taking any risks. What I need is someone in my area that could be there and give me a kick out the door and go with me and help me silence all my discouraging thoughts.
My sleep issues are caused by me having experienced extreme trauma during my parent's divorce and I have frequent nightmares where my mother tries to kill me.
Medication is very useful for several things, why else would we take estrogen and t-blockers?

Quote from: 930310 on December 24, 2018, 12:48:55 AM
I am dark under my eyes due to very superficial blood vessels and a chronic lack of sleep.

That's not what I was referring to.  I was referring to the actual color of your eyes.  i.e. specifically the irises.

My eye colour is a mix of brown, blue and green. They're probably just looking dark in the picture.

Here they are with better lighting:
(https://i.imgur.com/eDz9Nxq.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/QwjZfn6.png)

Quote from: Dietlind on December 24, 2018, 03:06:56 PM
I wanted to help you!  I have problems with sleep, too.  I am using a Cpap machine for almost 20 years now, to be able to get a decent sleep.  It is a medical fact that you do not need your sleep quantity all over night, you can split your sleep up into several segments.  Have you ever been tested in a sleep lab?  Maybe that they can help you to find the reason for your sleep problems.  Medication is not the solution to a problem, one has to find the root cause, and wok on this, see if your doctor will prescribe a sleep lab test for you!

But how do you expect to solve your journey to become a female, if you do not work on it?  Anxiety and depression can be controlled with medications, and if you set out to become female, this would/might take some of the depression away from you.

I wish for you that you find a solution for your problems, but it is very often not easy to achieve the solution.
Just don't forget, nobody here started out as a female, we all had to go through a lot of problems to get there, and e still have to solve problems.  We can try to give you ideas and advice, but it is you wo has to implement them to fit your life.

Good luck on your path and Merry Christmas
Linde

I just went ahead and ordered products from one of our largest suppliers, H&M, so I'll get these in a week or so.

Quote from: 930310 on December 25, 2018, 12:55:28 PM
I just went ahead and ordered products from one of our largest suppliers, H&M, so I'll get these in a week or so.

Good for you!  :)

Next, hit youtube's makeup videos, and practice, practice, practice!  Even if you end up using up all of your makeup and need to buy more, practice using it until you feel you look good enough to go out of the house wearing it.  Then go out of the house wearing it, even if its to the corner store.  The more you go out wearing it, the more confident you'll feel, and (hopefully!) the better you will feel.

Good luck and Happy Holidays!

Ryuichi

So I got the make up and have practiced a bit but I get so discouraged since it feels like I look exactly the same when I have primer+foundation+concealer+blusher+bronzer. Then when I do my eyes I just look hideous. I try to follow what the people in the videos do but I just end up hating how I look and quitting.

This is how I looked today...  :'( :'(
(https://i.imgur.com/nXdMoGj.png)

It takes practice, practice and more practice. Remember what you didn't like the last time, and either don't do it that way, or try doing it with a lighter hand. Sometimes less is more. When I first started doing my eyes, my wife said I looked like a scared racoon! Now I'm way more subtle. And sometimes I don't think I put on enough, but she says its good.

I am somehow not able to do anything to my eyes, if I came close, they shut like a vault!  I plan to get the eye stuff tattooed on, and be one with it.  I get a lot of compliments or the rest of my makeup, but eyes, forget it!

I think you look just fine! :)

Ryuichi

Usually the goal with make up is to look more feminine, my results have been FAR from that during these first attempts. I look more like a drag persona in the picture I posted. I guess toning down/skipping the eyeliner is better for me.

Quote from: 930310 on December 29, 2018, 02:49:58 AM
Usually the goal with make up is to look more feminine, my results have been FAR from that during these first attempts. I look more like a drag persona in the picture I posted. I guess toning down/skipping the eyeliner is better for me.

As others said, you have to try to find the makeup that fits you!
I don't need much makeup, because I am blessed with a pretty flawless skin.  Others are not that lucky, and they need more of it.  And for the eyes, at least you can do something to/with them, i have to leave my eyes alone, they don't want me to come near them with any object!

Just experiment, until you find the makeup that enhances your appearance!  You look pretty feminine to me already! Just believe in yourself!
Hugs
Linde

You did well for an early attempt.  Keep practising!  You'll get it.

Remember that the single biggest feminizing accessory is a smile!

Today's practice (I skipped the eyeliner). It's hard for me to get good lighting when I take selfies since I don't have any lamps that are that strong.
(https://i.imgur.com/IxWsOtV.png?1)

Quote from: 930310 on December 29, 2018, 12:40:52 PM
Today's practice (I skipped the eyeliner). It's hard for me to get good lighting when I take selfies since I don't have any lamps that are that strong.
(https://i.imgur.com/IxWsOtV.png?1)

You did pretty well!  I would put some more color on the eyebrows.  I don't think your eyes themselves need much at all, because you have a pretty good presence there.  You have to learn to make your face a little more friendly looking, just a little hint of a smile would do wonders!
Hugs
Linde

I have a weird smile since half my mouth/lip is semi-paralysed following an accident eight years ago. It makes my smile crooked.

Quote from: 930310 on December 29, 2018, 01:50:28 PM
I have a weird smile since half my mouth/lip is semi-paralysed following an accident eight years ago. It makes my smile crooked.

Try it, even a crooked smile is better than no smile!

Today:
https://vimeo.com/308798317 (https://vimeo.com/308798317)

You are a pretty girl, you just have to want to be one!  Your smile makes your face looking so much nicer, and with some clever make up, you can cover the scar pretty well!  I think you have great looking eye that need not much auf highlighting at all  You have very nice hair, and you can be a really cutie if you want to be one!

I really do not like my smile since I myself think that I look hideous. My eyes are done with some eye shadow and mascara. I'll have to learn how to cover my scar. I put a lot of concealer on it/them but they still show through...
I want to be cute but I can't seem to get any further.

Quote from: 930310 on December 30, 2018, 12:35:53 PM
I really do not like my smile since I myself think that I look hideous. My eyes are done with some eye shadow and mascara. I'll have to learn how to cover my scar. I put a lot of concealer on it/them but they still show through...
I want to be cute but I can't seem to get any further.

For the case that your scar is pretty hard and rigid, you can get it way softer by doing scar massage several times a day!  With a little luck it fully blends into the rest of your facial appearance.
I am not good in makeup, because I was blessed with a skin which hardly needs any of that stuff, and thus I cannot give you any advise what to do with it.  But there is YouTube and members here who can help!
Your smile makes your face looking so much more friendly, no matter what you think about it!
I would put more color to the eyebrows, and probably shape them a little.  A few locks into your hair and you are a really pretty girl!
You just have to want to be pretty, and not talk your self down, positive thoughts will radiate out, and help you to look even better!

Linde

Quote from: 930310 on December 30, 2018, 12:35:53 PM
I really do not like my smile since I myself think that I look hideous. My eyes are done with some eye shadow and mascara. I'll have to learn how to cover my scar. I put a lot of concealer on it/them but they still show through...
I want to be cute but I can't seem to get any further.

Here are some instructions to fade scars.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/142044-10-remedies-for-fading-any-kind-of-scar-quickly-and-effectively

I am letting my eyebrows grow out at the moment and I will try shaping them once they are a bit fuller. The scar isn't hard, it's just that it creates a groove in my skin that is deep. I guess that the key to success is positive thinking. I guess that I have to learn how to do that.

Quote from: DawnOday on December 30, 2018, 01:26:44 PM
Here are some instructions to fade scars.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/142044-10-remedies-for-fading-any-kind-of-scar-quickly-and-effectively

My scarring is 8,5 years old so I don't believe that they'll get any more "healed".

Quote from: 930310 on December 30, 2018, 01:30:01 PM
My scarring is 8,5 years old so I don't believe that they'll get any more "healed".

You got it little sister, positive thinking is half of it!  And do some nice girly stuff with your hair.
You don't need to heal the scar anymore, but you still can change its appearance.  The top of the skin is renewing itself constantly, and that is what most of the listed treatments are trying to do to make the scar less visible.  You may also want to try to train your facial muscles a little to make your smile more evenly (all a matter of willpower, muscles can be retrained). 
You are still very young and estrogen will have a more dramatic affect on your feminizing than with me old hag!
It may distribute more fat to your cheeks and fill out the depression of the scar very well!

And a gain, this positive thinking gives you a more friendly face and radiates out!  I really think that you cold be a real hot looking chick, if you wanted to be one!
Go for it little sister, show it to them!
Hugs
Linde

I have an 18 inch scar on my calf from 1993 heart surgery. They used a vein in my leg to replace veins in my heart. That scar is now barely visible. Vitamin E is what I used.  I gave quite a few acne scars on my face and I am going to get a face peel or dermabrasion depending what Nanci my esthetician recommends.  If that does not help than Dermacol foundation will. Dermacol is a full cover makeup used for covering scars and male stubble. The only problem is that you may have to get several different colors to blend together to match your skin color. I'll send you a picture to show you my  hand which is discolored due to scarring from my dog ripping my hand to shreds and how dermacol covers it up. It will take me a while to find that laptop the picture resides on.

I think you have a really cute smile, you said you have friends that you think would be supportive, try opening up to them, their support will give you more confidence, to be yourself.

Hugs,

Izzy

Friends? I don't have any friends. The people that I've talked to are just acquaintances and nothing more. I talk to them at most once a month in passing.

Quote from: 930310 on December 31, 2018, 04:31:45 AM
Friends? I don't have any friends. The people that I've talked to are just acquaintances and nothing more. I talk to them at most once a month in passing.

Have you ever sat back and think about it, why you do not have any friends?  Friendship is a two way route, it is a give and take, like any close interpersonal relations.
Are you just sitting inside  your  walls and hope potential friends would come and find you?
Do you have any hobbies that you could share with other persons and become a friend with them?
I moved last year several thousand kilometers away from Wisconsin to my new place in Florida.  I did not know anybody at all.  That is a pretty lonesome life, sitting there all alone.  I joined a local socio-political discussion group, and found all my friends there.  These friends had other friends, and I have now about 5 relative close friends, and about 20 very good acquaintances who I see at least once a week.
The 5 close friends are all women, and they are my coaches for becoming one of them.  They help me with makeup, shopping and a lot o things that I never knew about, because it is female stuff.

Can you do something similar?  You are young and flexible, while I am old and don't bend that much anymore.  But i could do it, I bet you can do it, too!

Just go out and do it, and have some fun, and the smile will come to your face automatically!

I'm not even going to read that since you do not know me or about my situation.

Quote from: 930310 on December 31, 2018, 09:51:26 AM
I'm not even going to read that since you do not know me or about my situation.

You are asking for help here, you complain that you have no friends, but as soon as anybody writes something which does not fit into the scheme you set for your self, you get pretty un polite with your responses.
Do you really feel that makes me to want to answer other questions you have?
Maybe reactions like this are one of the reasons that you have no friends!

So I tried smiling for a picture.
(https://i.imgur.com/7x9LzUH.jpg)

I'm posting a video a day over on Youtube, where I talk about whatever comes to mind while applying make up or training my voice.
https://www.youtube.com/user/930310/videos

Dietlind, all you are doing is being rude and inconsiderate in the way that you are putting things forward. You make things just seem sooo easy. For some they might be but for others they are not. You do not appear to understand what depression is or how people who are depressed act. I am getting discouraged from you writing here like that.

Of course I want friends but I want friends who can take the good with the bad. I get very short when I am depressed and people who can't handle that aren't really friends now, are they? Suggesting to someone that them being very depressed being the reason they don't have any friends hardly helps. That's how I interpret what you are writing.

You look very nice in that picture. I have noticed you using words like ugly to describe yourself but when I first saw your photo I thought young woman. I'm not blowing smoke. Your voice isn't too low in pitch either. If you keep up with your training I think you will do well. Also that falsetto that you used for a moment was actually not as bad as you think. In fact if you practice your resonance and inflection with it I think you will be doing very well.

I'm not sure what the story is behind the scar on your face is but whatever it is I am sorry that you have had to endure it. Hopefully it will fade more in time but your make up you applied made a difference. Besides the body is just the vessel, let your light shine and the scar will not matter in the grand scheme of things.

I know you had a difficult time in school. I think that is probably a common thing for us. I was tormented from 1st through 9th grade. When I joined NJROTC I found liberation from the bullying but couldn't be myself utterly at all.

When we moved to Georgia in 1997 and I started 10th grade I kept to my self and shielded off all emotion and allowed no one to get close through 11th grade in order to protect myself. Although looking back there where lots of people that tried very hard to be friends. I didn't have any friends until college and even then it was because they reached out, not because of me. Maybe it was because I saw misfits in them too that I opened up at all.

When you think you're alone you are not. When you think you can't go on go for a run or play with your dog and try to think of things you are thankful for.

I like your smile.   :)

I wish you many happy years ahead.

Hugs,

Chrissy

I think your smile is wonderful. Keep it up. I've been commented to multiple times in my life that I needed to smile more. And with practice it does get easier.  Keep it up.

Quote from: 930310 on January 05, 2019, 12:11:59 PM
So I tried smiling for a picture.
(https://i.imgur.com/7x9LzUH.jpg)

I'm posting a video a day over on Youtube, where I talk about whatever comes to mind while applying make up or training my voice.
https://www.youtube.com/user/930310/videos

You look so much nicer on this photo.  A smile does do wonders and makes you look pretty! I am watching your videos, and like them.

Hi!

You seem like a very nice girl though you seem also suffer from very low self-esteem and depression and so on. You are really cute so your thoughts are only fooling you to feel bad about something to be proud of.

What kind of help have you received from your team in Lund? There should be the possibility to get help as counseling and additional therapy. It's sounds as you are in need for some extra support. Have you tried any antidepressants? Are you "finished" with your gender identity assessment (könsidentitetsutredning)? What kind of treatment are you interested in getting?

When it comes to Swedish youtubers I instantly think of Thomas Sekelius who are a queer make up artist. He has even released a book with a lot of techniques.

Kram!
Hugs!

Eftersom jag fick diagnosen könsdysfori utan närmre specifikation så var det inte mycket de erbjöd mig. Östrogen och Spironolakton var allt jag fick och sedan var det bara hejdå med dig och jag fick ingen mer terapi. Har fortfarande inte ens haft något återbesök där utan har gått i över ett år obevakad.
Min andra läkare inom allmänpsykiatrin har skrivit ut antidepressiva till mig men det hjälper inte mycket. Jag har stått i kö till traumaterapi sedan i mars men inget händer. Så jävla missnöjd på sjukvården och människor i min närhet då jag känner mig så himla ensam konstant. Min far vill inte umgås med mig när jag är deprimerad och det är ett himla skit allting.

Quote from: 930310 on January 06, 2019, 05:44:50 AM
Eftersom jag fick diagnosen könsdysfori utan närmre specifikation så var det inte mycket de erbjöd mig. Östrogen och Spironolakton var allt jag fick och sedan var det bara hejdå med dig och jag fick ingen mer terapi. Har fortfarande inte ens haft något återbesök där utan har gått i över ett år obevakad.
Min andra läkare inom allmänpsykiatrin har skrivit ut antidepressiva till mig men det hjälper inte mycket. Jag har stått i kö till traumaterapi sedan i mars men inget händer. Så jävla missnöjd på sjukvården och människor i min närhet då jag känner mig så himla ensam konstant. Min far vill inte umgås med mig när jag är deprimerad och det är ett himla skit allting.

Åh gud! Jag förstår att det gör ont och att det är fullkomligt utmattande. Käraste du!

Kim i Lund är dock ökänt för att vara långsamma, ge dåligt bemötande osv. Har du övervägt att söka vård i ett annat landsting? Region Skåne är hemska. Sjukresor kan du få betalda från landstinget genom skånetrafiken. Så det är bara om du har tid och möjlighet. Har du ringt mottagningen i Lund och frågat om vad som hänt?

Könsdysfori utan vidare spec låter som att de landat i att du skulle vara queer. på nåt sätt. Känner du att det stämmer eller identifierar du dig som en kvinna? Vill du göra fler saker än hormonbehandling?

Kram! <3

Långa köer är svaret jag fick på när jag frågade varför jag inte fått någon ny tid. Jag har all tid i världen för tillfället då jag mår för dåligt för att plugga eller jobba.
Jag var väldigt nere under perioden jag gick genom utredningen och sade att jag inte visste hur långt jag ville gå utan ta ett steg i taget. Det tyckte läkare Attilla Fazekas var löjligt och därefter så orkade jag inte riktigt bry mig. Jag vill gå längre än jag är i dagsläget men samtidigt så är jag så himla ensam och den familj jag har vill inte umgås med mig om jag går längre. Därför går jag bara och tassar runt samma ställe och smyger med det när jag är i min lägenhet.
Jag vill ha hårborttagning, logopedi, hjälp med att komma längre än jag gjort då jag mår för dåligt för att komma någon vart själv för tillfället och vad mer de kan erbjuda. Jag vill i alla fall ha en orchidektomi men vet inte om jag vill operera mitt könsorgan då jag känner varken till eller från för det.

Quote from: 930310 on January 06, 2019, 07:06:06 AM
Långa köer är svaret jag fick på när jag frågade varför jag inte fått någon ny tid. Jag har all tid i världen för tillfället då jag mår för dåligt för att plugga eller jobba.
Jag var väldigt nere under perioden jag gick genom utredningen och sade att jag inte visste hur långt jag ville gå utan ta ett steg i taget. Det tyckte läkare Attilla Fazekas var löjligt och därefter så orkade jag inte riktigt bry mig. Jag vill gå längre än jag är i dagsläget men samtidigt så är jag så himla ensam och den familj jag har vill inte umgås med mig om jag går längre. Därför går jag bara och tassar runt samma ställe och smyger med det när jag är i min lägenhet.
Jag vill ha hårborttagning, logopedi, hjälp med att komma längre än jag gjort då jag mår för dåligt för att komma någon vart själv för tillfället och vad mer de kan erbjuda. Jag vill i alla fall ha en orchidektomi men vet inte om jag vill operera mitt könsorgan då jag känner varken till eller från för det.

Det är helt absurt!
Har du anmält läkaren i fråga till Inspektionen för vård och omsorg? Om inte så gör det eller tipsa dem iaf! Det kan man göra helt anonymt. Så illa av din läkare att uttrycka sig så! Det är ju du som vet vilka behov du har. Läkarens uppgift är inte att kalla patienten för löjlig när den uttrycker sina behov och känslor.
https://www.ivo.se/for-privatpersoner/tipsa-eller-anmala-halso--och-sjukvard/#qa (https://www.ivo.se/for-privatpersoner/tipsa-eller-anmala-halso--och-sjukvard/#qa)

Jag blir fruktansvärt provocerad av detta.

Kön till ANOVA i Stockholm är 12 månader. Står du ut med det så kommer du få ett fantastiskt bemötande sedan, de har bäst anseende vad jag vet när det gäller bemötande och möjlighet att ta emot en osv. Finns fler mottagningar i Sverige också. Lund är sämst vad jag har hört. Finns Linköping också, kan vara värt att kolla upp :)

Har du någon kontakt med någon lokal trans-grupp eller hbtq-förening?

Känner du till Transnord på >-bleeped-<?
https://www.>-bleeped-<.com/r/transnord/ (https://www.>-bleeped-<