Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone,

I'm wondering whether you came out to any family members or friends before you started the hormone process, or whether you started first before coming out?

I'm not sure which way to go. I know there's no right or wrong way to do this but some insight would be great :)

I started it on my own I saw a hrt doctor and I popped the pills as soon as I could. Only thing I regret is that I never figured out how to overcome fear of rejection from my family for this secret I held on to... I was just too ashamed and I was ready to go on my own and figure this out no matter what. I'm still trying to do that but it's been over a year and I think again I constantly make decisions for myself and for once... I can feel confident

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Quote from: Confetti on December 15, 2018, 10:33:10 AM
Hi everyone,

I'm wondering whether you came out to any family members or friends before you started the hormone process, or whether you started first before coming out?

I'm not sure which way to go. I know there's no right or wrong way to do this but some insight would be great :)

The way it happened for me was I had to addresss "the issues" & saw a psychiatrist & psychologist.

This resulted in a bunch of interviewing and profiling to see if there was any classic mental health issues.

It turned out gender counselling + HRT got me on my feet.

I told friends & family at the start of HRT.

Prior to counselling + HRT I had nothing firm to pass on to anyone.

Kind regards, Kirsten


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I told my wife within the first weeks of my suspicions. We researched HRT options together. Then my 3 children. Everyone else was after.

Yes, I had been out for years to a very few friends and my family were told about a year before HRT.

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I didn't intend to but my Mom snooping around in my bedroom during Christmas found my letter for HRT. When she was alone with me she spent the rest of the time telling me I could not possibly be a girl and that if I did this I would be a guy in a girls body. Her choice of words have always stuck in my head. Then when they went home my Mom took the letter with her so I had to explain to my therapist what happened and she printed me another.

Other then that debacle I didn't come out to anyone of my own accord until it was blantantly obvious.

Yes, I'm out to most people & haven't started HRT yet. I think it'll be less of a shock to them if my body shape begins to change, but there's no right or wrong way to do it.

Hugs,

Johnni xoxo

I came out to my wife first, then to two close 'girl friends'.   I then started therapy and after a month or so, my therapy sessions included my wife.  I finally came out to my Primary Care Physician, who along with my 'transition coach' / 'therapist' provided the referral for HRT.  HRT for me has just started.

Kate


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I came out to everyone as a part-time crossdresser. They got to enjoy my journey with me.  :)

I was out and full-time before HRT, so yes!

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I started HRT on 23 March 2017, and only two people knew. The first person I ever told was my electrologist, on 31 Jan 2017! She asked me why I wanted my beard removed, then added that it better not be because I was tired of shaving. My first though was dang, there goes my excuse. My only remaining option was to tell the truth. She has become one of my best friends.

The second person was my wife, on 12 Feb 2017. She was not very happy, and was mad as hell for over a year, but she is now happier than ever.

I came out to a lot of my online friends and gaming friends too

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?

Over the years I tried to come out to 3 different girlfriends. I told them I liked to wear women's panties to gauge their reaction. None of them were willing to be supportive of it. So, that told me their was no future there so I broke up with them a few weeks later.

I dated another woman off and on for about 10 years. During one of our extended breaks I moved to SC. I found out she got married then divorced a little less than a year later. When I moved back to NC, 6 months later, her and I started spending time together. Now, while I was in SC, I would get off work and dress. I spent all my time at home in girl mode. It was liberating! Especially after 42 years of repression. Anyway, her and I started dating. One day I asked why she divorced the other guy. Turns out she had gone on a month long vacation with her mom and sister. When she came back she was going to surprise him so she didn't tell him when she'd be home. She walks in and there he us fully dressed in her clothes. She asked him to move out that night.

I knew as she told me this there was no future for us. So, I broke it off with here for good this time. She was lewd. She referred to him as "vagina" and would tell everyone about his crossdressing. I really saw what kind of person she was for the first time, I had known her for 30 years at that point), she had an ugly, cruel, mean side that wanted to hurt people she felt wronged her.

Other than that, I told my friend Amy. We worked together in retail. She is a Clinique Representative. She's teaching me all the professional makeup techniques. Which I desperately need for this face! She's been awesome and is very dear to me.

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I told my wife, my neighbour, and one of my brothers a good six months before I started HRT.  And, of course, my doctor, therapist, and the support group.  And a few email friends scattered across the country.  I told my other brother three months after starting HRT, when I came out to the world.

Well, I told them I was female. I disclosed to everyone in my orbit and began living as my authentic self full time for nearly a full year before starting medical transition. I wanted to make sure I was 100% comfortable with my new life. And, well, he** yes! So I began HRT and haven't looked back. It's amazing! GCS is the next step following WPATH guidelines with my docs. When a person discloses and to whom is probably dictated by everyone's individual situations, so there isn't a right or wrong order.

Once I realised I was trans and was going to to get "treatments" I came out to the world...then HRT. [emoji3]

Liz


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Yes - I have told a select few friends and family members in the past couple months since deciding that I was going to transition in October, and I intend to start HRT next month. For me at least it's been such a relief to tell people after all these decades that I am trans, even though not everyone has been supportive. I'd love to tell more people, but I can't because my plan is to move and go stealth this summer.

I told my wife I was a cross dresser 35 years ago before we married.  Being Trans was unknown at the time.  Some were getting surgeries at the time but most were referred to as transvestites, ->-bleeped-<-s, perverts, gay. Everything but transgender. I lived about thirty miles from Santa Monica Blvd which seemed to be where you went if you were. I've never been interested in sex, or sex work, or men. All the news at the time seemed dirty, or was looked upon as some sort of hoax. We were subjects of jokes. Celebrities dressed as women to score laughs. Milton Burle, Flip Wilson even Tom Hanks. NCIS, Bones, WKRP. I never found it anything to laugh about. I got very upset as I watched these episodes as I was hiding a lifetime secret and I did not like being laughed at or demeaned. It ended up taking 64 years to find the strength to acknowledge what was always known. I was meant to be a girl. For the first time in my life my mind was at peace. I don't worry about everything like I used to. I don't suffer from depression. I have begun to socialize, a real accomplishment. I just wish I could have found the courage to come out all those many years ago. I am in session now with my therapist to find out how to come out full time. I have a sense of commitment to my wife and kids because through it all they have been so understanding.  Fear sucks.

Nope, just my girlfriend  and she didnt believe me, still with her and nobody else. I was just too butch, told two best friends and they didnt believe me, one told me, I'd make one ugly squaw. Six years later, on full on hrt, nobody says I'm an ugly whatever. I'm like whatever androgynous, until, ffs, ba, body modifications and voice training.

Oh well. Oddly, everybody is quiet about it now. I'm like, whatever is clever.

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Kinda creepy, but some people already knew. I know that I did not say anything.

I hadn't really thought through the HRT issue before coming out. So I just came out when the secret became too big to keep inside. Starting HRT was many months later after (almost) everyone knew. I am also bit of a "scaredy cat" when it comes to health, and if I had medical advice saying it was a bad idea and would put me at risk, I was prepared to continue social transitioning without HRT.

~Dee.

I told my Wife, my Parents, my older sister, my friend who's is also the HR manager at work, aa coworker friend if ours, and the two owners of the company. The one owner told his wife, and I talked to her about it in more detail on a work trip we took.

After that, I felt I had told enough people and don't plan on telling anyone else until significant changes take place on HRT.

Lacy

I came out to my wife first. And then I came out to my parents and siblings before hrt. I came out to extended family like 6 months after starting hrt. Not really sure why I did it that way. I think my thinking was that I was going to lose them regardless of when I came out. So I said I'll get it over with now. It hasn't exactly worked that way although it is close.


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Only my fella. Would have been impossible to hide it from him or anyone else unlike with MTF HRT. Didn't want to conceal my intentions from him, but didn't bother telling anyone else specifically.

I told my best friend and my fiancé. I plan to tell a couple more friends and some family that I know will be accepting of me. I don't want to tell the rest until physical changes start happening. I don't want anyone's opinions or trying to "change my mind" like I know my brothers and parents will do. So far the two people I've told are 100% behind my transition. I just can't keep this secret any longer.

My fiancé and I decided that we will go through couples therapy when I start HRT. Not because it is going to break our relationship, I just want to make sure we have a full understanding of how it will affect our physical relationship. Realistically, we're still the same two people who fell in love 2 years ago, just I'm not "that guy"

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Yes I pretty much came out to everyone before hormones.

Yes, I did share this fact with some.


Chrissy

I came out to everybody quite a time prior I even knew what HRT was.  But I am working on this becoming a female for over 15 years now.  I told most people after my breasts started to grow to a visible size.And I still don't know if HRT is doing anything to or for me.

I haven't started hormones yet, but I just recently came out to 4 of my sisters this past week. I think it would be best to come out to some you trust before hormones for emotional support.

I haven't started HRT yet, but some of my personal friends know.  Of course, my doctor might have clued in when I asked for feminizing hormones.   ;)

I came out to my wife and one female friend first. I'm still not out to anyone else, including my parents and siblings. I've been thinking about that more and more because that will go terribly. I don't know how long I will wait to tell them.


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I told my wife of 21 years first as her support was going to be the largest impact in future decisions. Then it was an Aunt and my two best friends (1 male and one female). All went well, so I let my younger sister know and that did not go so well. My mom has passed so I am not sure how she would have reacted. Considering how repressed my gender dysphoria was and who was responsible I have a guess on how that might have gone. The kids (all late teen to early twenties) were last and the most blase about it.

I would very much like to suggest that every person you decide to confide in is one on one. From what I have seen and read, group announcements rarely go well.

Letting people know is an incredible show of trust on our parts, and I believe many of my friends and family saw that and appreciated the fact that I still wanted them in my life even though I was evolving into the person I wanted to be since I was 5.

Ricki

Yes, I came out to my close family members (my wife knew of my leanings before we were married) before starting HRT.

In hindsight I could have handled it a little better, but you don't always get to choose the sequence of events. Everything is fine now....

Cynthia -

Yes, I came out to my spouse right after I got off the suicide hotline call, and to my immediate family ver4y shortly thereafter.  I was in therapy about 3 months before starting Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), as I wanted to make sure that I was a transgender person and not suffering from another problem.  (My provider does a form of informed consent.)

HRT provided significant relief from some issues related to my long term depression, and like peeling an onion, other layers of issues related to gender identity and past trauma were uncovered as I progressed.  I am doing much better three years later!

Everyone is different and in different situations. Going full-time is probably not going to happen for me, but I am 65 and suffering from the effects of dysphoria. My wife has been part of the process to decide to go on HRT, but I won't tell anyone else until it becomes necessary. My loved ones and friends also have a kind of dysphoria, in that it would cause them difficulty to see a male figure, but be asked to see that male as a female. I think it would be easier on them if I looked more female than male, then I would be asking them to accept a female looking person as a female. Does this make sense?

Anybody close to me has known I have had a strong female side all of my life, but that was wrapped up inside quite a powerful male body. I need to soften quite a bit before I could expect anyone to accept the real me. Having said that, this year I have had to come out to my GP, Psychologist, the receptionist at my Endo practice, my Endo, and my pharmacist. It is very frustrating for me not to tell the world, but it's not all about me.

Allie

I think the first person I told was a trans man my ex-wife had been friends with years before; although we had met, I hadn't seen him for years. I found him on Facebook. I was completely at sea and wanted his help.

I told another on-line friend I had never met IRL shortly thereafter.

Finally, about two or three weeks after coming out to myself, I told a cis female former co-worker I had once been friends with. I desperately needed help with makeup, and she was the only woman locally that I knew and I trusted.

Other than that, I think it was just my gender therapist until I started HRT. I started HRT about six weeks after coming out. I found a friendly doctor and did an end-run around my gender therapist because I hadn't known her long and I didn't know if she would gatekeep me.

As of this week I'm now presenting as my true self full time, and I haven't started HRT yet. I have an appointment this week to (hopefully) get my prescription.

-Jessica

Quote from: Jessica_A on March 17, 2019, 04:47:05 PM
As of this week I'm now presenting as my true self full time, and I haven't started HRT yet. I have an appointment this week to (hopefully) get my prescription.

-Jessica

Congrats on living full time  :)

best of luck with your script

Cynthia -

I was outed by a family therapist to my wife. It caused a lot of strife, and many talks of divorce. We made it through, though, and are still happily married. I definitely would have told her before starting hrt though. I didn't tell anyone else until after I started hrt.

Quote from: Confetti on December 15, 2018, 10:33:10 AM
Hi everyone,

I'm wondering whether you came out to any family members or friends before you started the hormone process, or whether you started first before coming out?

I'm not sure which way to go. I know there's no right or wrong way to do this but some insight would be great :)

I told my wife before I started therapy and before starting HRT, it took me 10 days to get up the nerve to tell her, it took months to go beyond that!

Love and Hugs, Marcie

Oh absolutely yes, I was completely out and lived full-time before I started HRT.