Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi.

If you were to pick the biggest one or two things that cause you to be perceived as female by most people in your life more than anything else, would it be

Your clothing
Your body
Your hair
Your voice
Your makeup
Your jewelry
Your mannerisims
Your name, ID
Your way of relating with others
You outing yourself or having been outed by someone else
Or?

Clothing, body (boobs, specifically), and name.

Your mannerisims, and your way of relating with others. Those are the big ones.

I would have to say clothing and mannerisms

§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§

Definitely mannerisms and the way of relating to others. For me, makeup completes it. I'm a bit of a makeup addict


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Quote from: Sky1090 on December 22, 2018, 03:48:15 PM
Definitely mannerisms and the way of relating to others. For me, makeup completes it. I'm a bit of a makeup addict


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It's funny I collect makeup I have tons of it I just don't wear it that often I even signed up for something called Ipsy that send you makeup products you pay $10 a month and they send you like 5 or 6 makeup products pretty sweet of course he usually their large trial sizes but that's okay I can deal with that

§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§

From slightly further away definitely hair and clothing I have been gendered female purely from this but from closer up people can see the details of your face and other visual clues that make them think otherwise.
Sonja

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God I can't go out without makeup. Without it I see the remnants of what was once a beard. I do all of my makeup shopping at Sephora or Mac depending on who has the best deal at the time. I know it's expensive but it's totally worth it for me so I justify it


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For me it is hair, clothing and voice.  I can go without any problems as a male, just by changing my clothing, my hair, and lower my voice!
An hour later, I just change my clothing, the way I do my hair, and use my normal voice, and I am gendered correctly as a woman!

Quote from: Sonja on December 22, 2018, 03:56:59 PM
From slightly further away definitely hair and clothing I have been gendered female purely from this but from closer up people can see the details of your face and other visual clues that make them think otherwise.
Sonja

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Yes, it really depends on the distance. There was a great writeup about this on a crossdressing site somewhere on the net at least a decade ago.
From far away, the only cues are body shape and movement and general shape of clothes. A little closer and more details of clothing and hair might be visible, then comes the face and in the end your mannerisms, voice and speech.

If you pass enough 'levels' in the eye of others as they get closer, their mind may ignore that your voice is not perfect for example as their brain already categorized you as female. But that does not guarantee that they won't try to reevaluate their views if they find that your voice really doesn't match your looks.

I found that when I dress more andro, people expect a less feminine voice and I pass as a woman even when I'm not really trying to. But if I go all out, figure hugging clothes, makeup, high heels, etc.. people expect a more feminine voice.

I remember a trans guy who didn't realize I was trans when he first saw me at a trans support group meeting. He was really surprised when I started talking because the difference between my presentation and voice was just too big at the time. He described it as confusing.

Although breathtakingly beautiful? My boats for shoes, jumbo hands, 6'3" body and 210 lbs. reminds one more of Shrek, than a female hottie.  But my brain is now calm and accepting because the estradiol I take is infiltrating the brain that was formed on massive doses in utero.  If I were younger I would probably not be so accepting, but honestly I have no illusions I pass. So I try to be the best me I can. Sometimes it works sometimes not so much. Sometimes the old me creeps back in and I do my best to minimize the effects.

Voice, body (petite, nearly hourglass figure), and mannerisms.  I got tired of male failing so I'm growing my hair out.  Now that it reaches my shoulders it seems like everyone holds the door for me.

My curves, chubby cheeks, eyes, arched eyebrows, and short wavy/curly hair.

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What I am sure it is not:
Makeup, I don't wear any.
Name, most of the world has no clue what my name is.

I don't understand outing yourself or having been outed by others. I don't know what that means in relation to your question.

(https://i.imgur.com/mkOdEhS.jpg)

Me right now.
I don't know, it could be all of the rest, or none. I don't know about my voice but no one seems to be put off by it at all. I love my hair, and I have often thought it was false advertising. Like a guy would see my hair and go,"Oooh!" then get a better look and go,"Aww!" My body is probably a wash, boobs and hips all okay but shoulders and back are a little large. With my height 5'10", I have no idea what people see when they look at me. Clothes and jewelry are unmistakably female. I don't know about my mannerisms.

Soooo, my hair clothes I guess.

Ah ha, I love this question. Look to the lips and the eyes. Number one - Lipstick. Flat chested girl? No problem. Lipstick. Adams Apple? No problem. Lipstick. Man hands? No problem. Lipstick. Number two is mascara. Pretty eyes and kissable lips make the girl. At the very worst you'll leave them saying "that poor girl looks like a dude!"  ;D

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 22, 2018, 03:11:55 PM
Hi.

If you were to pick the biggest one or two things that cause you to be perceived as female by most people in your life more than anything else, would it be

Your clothing
Your body
Your hair
Your voice
Your makeup
Your jewelry
Your mannerisims
Your name, ID
Your way of relating with others
You outing yourself or having been outed by someone else
Or?

@ChrissyRyan
Dear Chrissy:
All the things that you listed are indeed very important...
...they all work together to make a convincing presentation as a woman.

However, since you asked for us to pick just ONE or TWO...  I guess I will have to choose.

       1. Voice (and speaking with an uptick)
       2. Body (including boobs, curves and facial appearance)

Danielle

Hi.

If you were to pick the biggest one or two things that cause you to be perceived as female by most people in your life more than anything else, would it be

Your clothing
Your body
Your hair
Your voice
Your makeup
Your jewelry
Your mannerisims
Your name, ID
Your way of relating with others
You outing yourself or having been outed by someone else
Or?

I think it depends on the starting point. For me I think hair and face are the two biggest factors followed by voice and boobs then clothing and name.

General appearance
Voice

Under that first category lots can go into it, like hair, body, clothes, makeup, etc....

Body and my voice. My family says my face and breasts after I had my FFS, trachea shave and breast augmentation

My body, - I inherited my mothers body shape, so hormones gave me D Cup breast and a big bum/thighs

With long hair, pierced ears,navel, nose ( I wear a small stud in my left Nostril) and shaved legs, I am always perceived as female.

Other things, I am very girlie, so i love wearing dresses, heels, makeup, nail polish (I love my long acrylic nails look)

I can't answer this because I don't know. What I look for in someone is different to what someone else looks for.

I feel like this, much like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. And it means different things to different people.

All I can tell you is what my mum used to say. She died before I got the chance to come out to her. But she used to say "Thank god you're not a woman, because you'd be a bitch."

She was probably right, lol.

I will say appearance is at the bottom of the list for me. Literally the bottom. You don't need breasts and a supermodel hourglass shape to be a woman. Just as you don't need a penis and a six pack to be a man. Looks are skin deep. It's all skin deep. For me, anyway. If you are who you are, however you look is just a thing.

@Sephirah

That cracked me up.

But I think you and I are the same in that I don't see people as flesh and blood. I know they are, but I see the spirit within them and that is what I relate to. These bodies are just a place to live while we experience Life. Eventually, they will give out and we will move on to the next. I can't get hung up on a temporary vessel. It's the contents that matter, whatever they are.

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 29, 2024, 02:41:18 PM@Sephirah

That cracked me up.

But I think you and I are the same in that I don't see people as flesh and blood. I know they are, but I see the spirit within them and that is what I relate to. These bodies are just a place to live while we experience Life. Eventually, they will give out and we will move on to the next. I can't get hung up on a temporary vessel. It's the contents that matter, whatever they are.

We are the same, Lori. That's why I think I admire and respect you so much. Looking inside is hard when we are predisposed to look outside.

I know a lot of people want them to match. And there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing whatsoever. More power to you. If it makes you live your life happy in your own skin, able to focus on the world and not on yourself... do whatever you need to do to be happy.

I kind of want that too. But it's never going to happen for me. I think that's mostly why I don't focus on how people look to determine who they are. Because I can't just flash myself at someone and them be like "Yeah this is Lauren." Doesn't work for me. And it colours how I see other people. I have to look deeper. And I kind of think that's a blessing in a way. But then I am asexual. I don't get attracted to people because they have this, or that. I don't get attracted to bits. I think I am a pretty good reader of people just through what they say, how they are. Not how they look. Matter of fact, most of the women I've been attracted to in my life, I've never seen how they look. Those I have, they weren't all that. But I've had more than one marriage offer while I've been here. I still don't understand why. I'm nothing special. But... yeah, perception is something you don't really have much control over. In my opinion.

You are who you are. Being who you are is the icing on top of a very awesome cake. :)

The single best thing you can do to make yourself look feminine is to trim your eyebrows.

Seriously, it is such an overlooked and distinctive feature that people recognise gender from and because it is so instinctive, we rarely ever look at it as a thing. As soon as I got my eyebrows plucked in a nice feminine shape, I started being acknoledged as female regardless of hair, clothing or mannerisms..

<and here comes my rant!>
.. in fact, I can put a pin in the whole mannerisms things.. women, like cis-women and us who live everyday as a woman do not actually have 'mannerisms'.. I call it bumkum - look at people around you they all move, act and walk in pretty much the same way - our voices are a little higher, we dont have facial hair and we tend to have longer head hair.. but that is it. Seriously.. the size of your chest, the height of your giggle - the way you sit.. makes little difference - I know women who sit with a can of beer on the sofa, legs spread wide and shout at the 'game'.. they are still women through and through.
Life is real, not a melodrama of high heels and handbags - pretending to be something is not living. live for you as you.

Quote from: SoupSarah on August 29, 2024, 03:29:34 PMThe single best thing you can do to make yourself look feminine is to trim your eyebrows.

Seriously, it is such an overlooked and distinctive feature that people recognise gender from and because it is so instinctive, we rarely ever look at it as a thing. As soon as I got my eyebrows plucked in a nice feminine shape, I started being acknoledged as female regardless of hair, clothing or mannerisms..

<and here comes my rant!>
.. in fact, I can put a pin in the whole mannerisms things.. women, like cis-women and us who live everyday as a woman do not actually have 'mannerisms'.. I call it bumkum - look at people around you they all move, act and walk in pretty much the same way - our voices are a little higher, we dont have facial hair and we tend to have longer head hair.. but that is it. Seriously.. the size of your chest, the height of your giggle - the way you sit.. makes little difference - I know women who sit with a can of beer on the sofa, legs spread wide and shout at the 'game'.. they are still women through and through.
Life is real, not a melodrama of high heels and handbags - pretending to be something is not living. live for you as you.

This. Be you. Whoever that is. As I always say... don't be the canvas, be the painting.

When my voice sounds good, that for sure helps.

Chrissy

hair is def a main perception

Ive been doing electrolysis for facial hair and have really long hair.

Im only on my 4th month of estrogen but i get misgendered a lot. The lack of facial hair and long hair is def a feminine look ive learned from interacting with ppl.

Only my breasts and choice of clothes. Without accentuating beasts and wearing ultra femme clothes I'm 100% identified as male. Even with these I'm still identified as a man when people can't see say a dress or skirt.

Like others mentioned eyebrows help. Think it will be better when they defined more by microblading! I just can't wait until March to get ffs which will hopefully solve being called male pronouns constantly!

Charlotte 😻

My body and mannerisms

Quote from: Sephirah on August 29, 2024, 03:37:13 PM...don't be the canvas, be the painting.

Well said!  I know who I am, who I was, who I'm going to be.  I'm gendered correctly when my hair is done, and I dress my age :)

The most common visible triggers of gender dysphoria are:

Breasts or chest
Facial or body hair
Genitals or other sexual anatomy
Body shape or bone structure

As such, I use distraction as a key component of camouflage.

If someone is looking at my eyes, they are not looking at my facial hair.
If they notice my long hair, they may follow it down to my chest.
If they are looking at my breasts, they are not looking at my face.

Women come in all shapes and sizes, so height, weight, and shape are not major considerations and are easily hidden with clothing.

Accent your assets, and distract from your flaws. Remember that we are more critical of ourselves than others are. What we see as a trigger may not be noticed by others. Being subtle and blending in is a great strategy.

Body shape,even though I wear a puffer parka with winter temperatures in single figures there's not much hiding my 42D bust!
Also hair,I  have straight silver bra strap length hair I usually wear in braid(s) due to the wind and a hat to keep warm. Sometimes wear it in a French Twist if I feel posh or its warm enough to go withouta hat or hood. Not many guys do that!

Voice  and  Breasts

Voice is important.  Eyes and smile too.  Boobs.  Appropriate clothing.

I suppose the purse helps too when I am walking with one.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 22, 2025, 05:23:35 PMEyes and smile too.

The smile is bigger than we think. Women smile at each other, while men do the "head nod". Smiling at a man often gets a smile back. I have had a few stop and chat briefly after smiling at them. It was not flirtatious, just friendly, as was the short chat after.

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 22, 2025, 05:49:52 PMThe smile is bigger than we think. Women smile at each other, while men do the "head nod". Smiling at a man often gets a smile back. I have had a few stop and chat briefly after smiling at them. It was not flirtatious, just friendly, as was the short chat after.

Smiles can be so powerful.  They can cheer people up, make people feel recognized, be a friendly gesture, and smiles can even be alluring! 

Chrissy

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 22, 2025, 05:49:52 PMThe smile is bigger than we think. Women smile at each other, while men do the "head nod". Smiling at a man often gets a smile back. I have had a few stop and chat briefly after smiling at them. It was not flirtatious, just friendly, as was the short chat after.

I find myself smiling a lot at people these days as we seem to catch each other's eyes a lot more than I remember pre transitioning. I think I've always smiled rather than anything else. Even my years in boy mode never really did the masculine type exchanges. Being called mate, bro etc was always very tense to me.

It may be easier to smile than frown, in terms of how much muscle you need to use.

So it is easier to smile!

So smile, why not?



Chrissy

Hi Everyone

How come I never came across this therad?  Well I guess I'm going to answer with a post of my own, to answer Chrissy's post:

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 22, 2018, 03:11:55 PMHi.

If you were to pick the biggest one or two things that cause you to be perceived as female by most people in your life more than anything else, would it be

Your clothing
Your body
Your hair
Your voice
Your makeup
Your jewelry
Your mannerisims
Your name, ID
Your way of relating with others
You outing yourself or having been outed by someone else
Or?

Well all of the above are given as I have mentioned numerous times in posts that I have posted before.  Except for the following:

• In the case of mannerisms, I never adopted them, because when I changed my life around it was given that I had the mannerisms already in place, I was quite, private and just did female things and maybe one, brushing my long hair past my ears.
• In term of relating to others, I continued to talk to others in my professional, social and private life.
• In the case of "outing" I never do that.  I'm seen as a female and that suits me down to the ground and will always remain so.

So what is the one or two most important things in my life that others would perceive me to be a female would be:

• Being myself.
• My long hair.

Hands down.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@ChrissyRyan

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 22, 2025, 05:54:33 PMSmiles can be so powerful.  They can cheer people up, make people feel recognized, be a friendly gesture, and smiles can even be alluring! 

Chrissy

And... creepy.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 22, 2018, 03:11:55 PMHi.

If you were to pick the biggest one or two things that cause you to be perceived as female by most people in your life more than anything else, would it be

Your clothing
Your body
Your hair
Your voice
Your makeup
Your jewelry
Your mannerisims
Your name, ID
Your way of relating with others
You outing yourself or having been outed by someone else
Or?

This is a very good question, thanks Chrissy!

I would say my embodied presence (how I relate as I move through the world) or what others might call confidence.

Also my hair, movement, facial expression.


~ Lilis 🌷

I think my hair moving is very affirming and it does help my feminine appearance.

I do like to swish my hair sometimes!

I do like it when I turn my head slightly that I can feel my head hair move a bit on my cheeks.

Chrissy


 

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 23, 2025, 10:55:28 AMI think my hair moving is very affirming and it does help my feminine appearance.

I do like to swish my hair sometimes!

I do like it when I turn my head slightly that I can feel my head hair move a bit on my cheeks.

Chrissy


 

There's something magical about having long hair. I feel so feminine pulling my hair into a ponytail.

In my case, the effects of HRT are definitely helping me when viewed from the backs and sides (and it's giving people the idea that with my stomach I'm like 8 months pregnant!).  But definitely my breasts are helping, as well as my earrings and ponytails and scrunchies.

Plus I'm a dress and skirt girl plus over the last two months I've been enjoying wearing pantyhose and to many people dress/skirt/hose is a very feminine look that people just link to a woman.  Plus because of my intersex condition, even with my blue light glasses, my face has really feminized (I do have some masculine bone features but they never developed that deeply, so my face has always been androgynous) and having bangs help hide those light masculine features.

And that seems to be counteracting what I had thought might be a big hindrance and that's my height (in October the nurse with the bariatric program took my height and put me at 6'4" which is 3 inches shorter than when I was last measured at 6'7", but with that we both agreed that that 3 inches is probably from my pelvic hip rotation as my body has been on HRT for 3.5 years now, and that's why I'm now seeing my rear getting that bustle look).

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 22, 2025, 09:29:46 PMAnd... creepy.

Yes, that smile is a bit creepy.

Mannerisms and voice. If we look at things from the other direction, these are the ones that can make them appear most masculine.

Mannerisms are always important.  They need to be practiced until they become second nature, natural to do them. 


Chrissy

Face, Hair, Smile and voice.

A sweet sounding feminine voice makes interacting so much more comfortable.
Sometimes I can have close to that but not all the time.  More practice is needed.


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 24, 2025, 09:11:24 AMA sweet sounding feminine voice makes interacting so much more comfortable.
Sometimes I can have close to that but not all the time.  More practice is needed.


Chrissy

My voice was something that I was always teased about. It made me very self-conscious and I used to try and tone it down. Obviously I don't bother now!

I'm trying to work on my voice but naturally I'm very low and because of sinus issues it cracks really easily going higher. Not sure if practicing improves the physical aspects or not. At the moment I really don't like my voice. Plus so many conflicting methods to learn. I'm considering just finding a voice I like and trying daily to imitate it.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 24, 2025, 08:15:34 AMMannerisms are always important.  They need to be practiced until they become second nature, natural to do them. 


Chrissy

That's one thing one of my co-workers has been trying to remind me with my hair, to flick it like Violet does in "It's A Wonderful Life" when she said "This old thing..." when we first see her adult form.

Feminine hairstyles can be so pretty.  It is such a nice thing.


Chrissy

Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on December 24, 2025, 09:22:32 AMI'm trying to work on my voice but naturally I'm very low and because of sinus issues it cracks really easily going higher. Not sure if practicing improves the physical aspects or not. At the moment I really don't like my voice. Plus so many conflicting methods to learn. I'm considering just finding a voice I like and trying daily to imitate it.

Everyone has a resonant frequency based on the structure of their throat, mouth, and sinuses. As a sound geek, you understand this. If your voice cracks, that is not your frequency. Practice saying "ah" and slowly raising your pitch. When it cracks, back it down a notch. That is where you should be.

Very important: Feminine voice is NOT about pitch. If you focus only on pitch, you will sound like a cartoon character. Focus on forward resonance. Males speak from their throat and chest, and females speak from their mouths. To practice and learn the difference, my voice coach had me put a straw in a glass of water. Speak through the straw. This forces you to blow bubbles while speaking. Notice how that feels. That is forward resonance. The sound is coming from your mouth, not your throat.

If you want some guidance from someone with degrees in music theory and who understands vocalization and voice control, check out https://www.youtube.com/transvoicelessons

Thanks for the information. I think that's one i tried and have managed to move my voice into my mouth fine. However been told it's in the right area, but too loud and strong by a voice coach. It cracks when I step back to quieten / soften it.

To be honest I lose my voice after talking in my normal pitch after about an hour. It just cracks or I can't form any sound. I think it's a combination of sinus and throat issues I've had years. I'll keep trying