Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey y'all. Name is Julian. My name has been legally changed (as something other than Julian) for 5 years and I'm just now realizing I may have messed up or just rushed the name thing. Wondering how y'all figured your name out. Feel pretty stupid after 3 name changes (1 legal) and still questioning. Don't have as much support as I once did, either. Thanks in advance!

Welcome to Susan's Place. There are two things you should do. First, look for a name that has a ring to you and second, test-drive the name for a while before committing to it. We allow you two name changes a year on the site and if you want, you can personalize your profile with a preferred name. I used my name for about 4 years before changing it but part of that was because I had to have surgery before I could change any legal paperwork.

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Ah, the name conundrum... Personally, when I first began socially transitioning (I was 13) I had a HUGE list of names that I would ask each of my friends and family to pick three from the list, and I was going to go with whichever had to most votes. My family didn't want to vote, though, because they didn't support me initially, but my friends did. And then I wound up not going with any of the names on that list.

I chose Maksim (just Max, really) because 1) it ties into my Russian heritage, and 2) the "ma" part is similar to my birth name, so it's easier to remember. My family eventually came around when they realized it wasn't going to just go away. I've been Maksim, or just Max, for 7 years (have yet to change it legally, though).

I did go through phases where I tested out different names to see if they fit, but none of them really did. It did help that I had my family and friends to call me by those names while I figured it out, but again, it just felt like I was being called by a stranger's name.
Take a while to see if Julian is a true fit, have the people around you call you by that name and if it doesn't feel like they're talking to YOU, find another. It just takes testing.

Quote from: Lian on February 04, 2019, 07:24:23 PM
Hey y'all. Name is Julian. My name has been legally changed (as something other than Julian) for 5 years and I'm just now realizing I may have messed up or just rushed the name thing. Wondering how y'all figured your name out. Feel pretty stupid after 3 name changes (1 legal) and still questioning. Don't have as much support as I once did, either. Thanks in advance!

@Lian
Dear Julian:
    I am happy to see that you have come to the Susan's Place Forums and that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and you have made your very first postings.

    I noticed that our lovely member @Dena  has been the first to Welcome you here to Susan's Place and the Forums.

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things.

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that Dena included below her Welcome Message.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

@Lian   
Oh, and another thing Julian...
Please plan to write a post and tell us more about yourself in the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) so that other members will be aware of your arrival... therefore you will be able to share your thoughts with more members here.
     
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle
NOTE: Now after all of this Greeting Stuff I will let you have your thread back so you can pursue answers to your questions.

it's taken me years to settle on a name, especially middle names.  the first name took a long time but was easier to stick with once I found it because I realized I had had that name staring me in the face for so long it was like "of course".  with middle names, I agonized over what to pick for so long that I was ready to give up.  my friends were no help at all and I had to accept that I was the only one who was ever going to care about my own name.  I thought about what was most important to me as far as what elements i wanted in a name, and eventually realized there was one i kept going back to no matter how many times I thought about using other things, and it fit my criteria.  I felt a lot better after just choosing to use the names that I had felt were right from the start, instead of overthinking it and constantly asking "but what if".  I'm the kind of person who can't settle on a username for a forum, so picking a name for myself irl was a huge deal.  but I have to remind myself that if the name i chose says what I want it to say, I'm not missing anything by not using every other possible name i may have come up with.  I think the thing that helped me most was just asking myself "if I had been born with this name would i still be thinking about changing it?" and the answer was no. 

For years before I came out I was in a game as two avatars Caralyn and Bethany. Nice names but when I was to physically tell others my name I dismissed both of those and spent time using Jessica to myself. I knew what I did not want, any names that referred to my past, family, friends etc. I am very happy with it and cannot imagine myself as anything other then Jessica.

We are lucky to have the chance to choose a name. Most have to live with the name they have been given.

I still do not have any middle names, may never.

Love
Jessica

I always knew the first girl in my family would have been called Rachel. However there where never any girls born in my family. However I stuck with the feminised version of my old name (Christopher) as Christine for quite a while. I did this out of respect as I knew my father gave me that name.
After a while my mum insisted that I use Rachel, which was fantastic and felt like pure acceptance. Plus I wanted to use this name anyway as I always knew it's meaning in our family.
Still kept Christin'a' as a second name.
I love my name now, I feel like Rachel suits me.

I find the naming ourselves thing abit strange, so thankfully I didn't really have too.
I find the use of some hyper feminine double barrel names a little odd in the trans community.

Take your time with a name. It's the only advice I can give.

Honestly I wouldn't necessarily put too much emphasis on a name. You can't always control by what you'll be known as or if it'll even stick with those who already know you. Change your name too often and people will probably revert back to the original. 

Initially I thought a name would hold a lot of meaning and it turns out that it doesn't. It also turns out that my original name and nicknames were already so strongly engrained in people's heads that they couldn't do anything but use them. So I see my old name written or mentioned on a daily basis anyway. I can tell new people my new name but I find myself out of habit saying "but everyone calls me ____" anyway. Over time I've come to accept that I have different names for different scenarios - an official name I chose that gets used on my documents and legal stuff, and my old name that is what I'm known as by all my oldest and closest friends and family. This is just how it turned out.

I'm actually okay with that. I've had many pseudonyms in my line of work before, so having lots of monikers is nothing new. Like having stage names. I prefer there to be an "official" name and another one that close people know me by and I just wasn't able to train others out of using the old one, nor did I want to jump down their throats for not remembering all the time. Granted the old one is unisex so it's not confusing to hear people using it. And because of my many names people tended to keep using the old one because it was the first they ever heard of me.

I wouldn't get too hung up on it.

One thing to note, if you are going to choose a very masculine name be prepared for potential issues if you are still having trouble passing. Unisex names provide a social buffer in this regard and give you a benefit of doubt in certain social situations.

Quote from: Rachel_Christina on February 09, 2019, 03:27:54 AM
I always knew the first girl in my family would have been called Rachel. However there where never any girls born in my family. However I stuck with the feminised version of my old name (Christopher) as Christine for quite a while. I did this out of respect as I knew my father gave me that name.
After a while my mum insisted that I use Rachel, which was fantastic and felt like pure acceptance. Plus I wanted to use this name anyway as I always knew it's meaning in our family.
Still kept Christin'a' as a second name.
I love my name now, I feel like Rachel suits me.

I find the naming ourselves thing abit strange, so thankfully I didn't really have too.
I find the use of some hyper feminine double barrel names a little odd in the trans community.

Take your time with a name. It's the only advice I can give.

I went straight for the triple barrel: Devlyn Marie Tracey  :laugh:

This is my opinion, nothing more, but I hope it helps.

It is your name, you are the one that has to live with it, so if you decide to legally change it again, that's your choice! 

Just be sure to have all of your IDs changed, so you don't have any legal trouble.

Or, you could simply have your chosen name (Julian, right?) legally added as a middle name and tell people "I go by my middle name of...."  This way might actually be easier, since (I don't think) you need to change as many IDs.  Maybe only your driver's licence and passport.  Again, check into it.

Its your money, you spend it however you want! [emoji2]

Good luck bro!

Ryuichi

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