Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Anyone have experience dilating at work. I'm 8 weeks post op and back to work full time. I talked about it with my boss before coming back, and my job has been accommodating. It still sucks. I feel really embarrassed and vulnerable both during and after.

To make it worse, I need to find an empty room on Mondays because I share an office one day a week. Today one of my coworkers almost walked in, despite a clear "Do not disturb" sign on the door. Nothing like yelling at a coworker not to come in while you're on the floor with a dilator stuck in. It felt like doing the walk of shame afterward.

I only need to make it about a month before I drop down to twice a day and can keep my pants on at work. I'm hoping that writing about it and hearing some other people's experiences will help me through that month.

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Quote from: Dani Rae on February 04, 2019, 08:22:57 PM
Anyone have experience dilating at work. I'm 8 weeks post op and back to work full time. I talked about it with my boss before coming back, and my job has been accommodating. It still sucks. I feel really embarrassed and vulnerable both during and after.

To make it worse, I need to find an empty room on Mondays because I share an office one day a week. Today one of my coworkers almost walked in, despite a clear "Do not disturb" sign on the door. Nothing like yelling at a coworker not to come in while you're on the floor with a dilator stuck in. It felt like doing the walk of shame afterward.

I only need to make it about a month before I drop down to twice a day and can keep my pants on at work. I'm hoping that writing about it and hearing some other people's experiences will help me through that month.

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My work has what was called 'mother's room' before but is now the 'wellness room' LOL. It's scheduled, so I have a time slot and it has a locked door, etc. 

Do you know what new mothers at your work do for pumping? 

Search Denise's GCS thread. You and her are on similar timelines and she wrote about dilating at work in that thread. I am choosing to do my middle dilation after work. It makes it close to my evening one but I don't have an acceptable place at work.

One way to solve the problem is a wood wedge for doors that open inward. Place the wedge under the door to prevent it from opening and even if they try to get in, the door will be blocked.

Quote from: MicheleAdams on February 04, 2019, 08:33:36 PM
My work has what was called 'mother's room' before but is now the 'wellness room' LOL. It's scheduled, so I have a time slot and it has a locked door, etc. 

Do you know what new mothers at your work do for pumping?

I have no idea. We haven't had any new mothers in the 3.5 years I've been there. We're a small nonprofit (<10 fulltime employees) and have very little unused space. So not many options to choose from. Plus everyone has keys to everything.

Regardless, I feel embarrased and vulnerable in my own office when no one bugs me. I think I'm ashamed that I need to dilate because it's another way that I'm different.

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Quote from: Dani Rae on February 04, 2019, 09:16:54 PM
I have no idea. We haven't had any new mothers in the 3.5 years I've been there. We're a small nonprofit (<10 fulltime employees) and have very little unused space. So not many options to choose from. Plus everyone has keys to everything.

Regardless, I feel embarrased and vulnerable in my own office when no one bugs me. I think I'm ashamed that I need to dilate because it's another way that I'm different.

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As a transgender man, I have no answers and few suggestions (most of which have already been stated above). However, your last sentence struck a chord with me, so I decided to do some research.

Dilation is a recommended treatment in cisgender women for "superficial dyspareunia, high-tone pelvic floor dysfunction, vaginismus, provoked vestibulodynia, vaginal atrophy, vulvar dermatoses, vaginal agenesis, and postradiation adhesions." This can include—in some cases and for some conditions—dilation that is performed multiple times a day, every day, for a significant length of time.

I don't know if that helps you feel better, but I hope it does. Many cisgender women dilate for medical reasons, too, which makes you about as "different" as they are.

At the company I work for, I have a recurring slot in one of the mother's rooms. The rooms are access controlled (I need to badge in), public ally anonymous (my name doesn't show on the scheduler or condeco) and the doors lock.

The only problem is lack of storage in the room, so I need to truck my stuff there every time I need to dialate, and can relate to the walk of shame afterwards. I started using one on on another floor where I don't know many folks as a result.

In your small office environment, I think the suggestion to block the door was a good one. You also could get a note by your surgeon stating you need a private area with a lock, which would be an ADA accommodation.

Quote from: jill610 on February 05, 2019, 04:15:14 AM
In your small office environment, I think the suggestion to block the door was a good one. You also could get a note by your surgeon stating you need a private area with a lock, which would be an ADA accommodation.

I might see if I can find a wooden doorstop. I don't think I need to get a letter. The need wasn't questioned; we're just having problems with logistics. The issue is finding space when I can't use my own office. We just don't have any private spaces that are always unused, and everyone pretty much has keys to everything. I did have a coworker that doesn't work Mondays offer to let me use her office then. So that was nice and will be my plan right now for those days. I guess I just need to grit my teeth and get through the discomfort and embarrassment.

At least the at-work dialation goes away after a relatively short period.

Quote from: JillianC on February 04, 2019, 08:35:36 PM
Search Denise's GCS thread. You and her are on similar timelines and she wrote about dilating at work in that thread. I am choosing to do my middle dilation after work. It makes it close to my evening one but I don't have an acceptable place at work.

In Illinois there is "medical accommodation" laws.  If they want me in the office I needed a room that
1) locking door
2) no windows
3) couch

They converted a storage room for me.  Worked great.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190301/09121920d5ba5e6b81fa1c8f596fdcfb.jpg)

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