Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello, my name is Billy and I am super excited to be part of this community. I am 32 year old man scheduled for my first hormone replacement treatment next week. I stumbled upon this forum while researching information. I really liked the genuinely heartfelt questions and answers I saw on here and I would love to be a contributing member.

I don't have anyone in my life that can offer good conversation on the subject. I want to share my experiences with like minded individuals and gather as much info to help me along the way. Maybe even make some new friends.

I want to be free..
I need a safe place..
I will keep my head held high..

Hi, Billy!

Welcome to Susan's Place.  This is definitely the right place to find like-minded individuals.

Congratulations on starting HRT!

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Thank you Kathy =) Wealth of knowledge is much appreciated. Now if I can just master navigating through forums and learning all the technicalities. This is the first time I have willingly decided to be a part of a forum so it all looks like another language to me. I'm already browsing the help sections and practice makes perfect :laugh:

Hi Billy  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Billy,


   Welcome!   :)


Chrissy

I assume someone moved my post to the correct topic? - Introductions
Thank you whomever that was. I have a lot to learn

Quote from: Cloudy Puff on February 09, 2019, 05:47:52 PM
Hello, my name is Billy and I am super excited to be part of this community. I am 32 year old man scheduled for my first hormone replacement treatment next week. I stumbled upon this forum while researching information. I really liked the genuinely heartfelt questions and answers I saw on here and I would love to be a contributing member.

I don't have anyone in my life that can offer good conversation on the subject. I want to share my experiences with like minded individuals and gather as much info to help me along the way. Maybe even make some new friends.

I want to be free..
I need a safe place..
I will keep my head held high..

@Cloudy Puff
Dear Billy:
     I am so very glad that you have become a member here and this is your very first posting.   I am happy to see that you found the Susan's Place Forums.

    As you post on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.   I expect that you will be getting many members offering their thoughts and suggestions as you continue to post here. 

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation and as you continue to feel free to share with all of us.

    I see that our lovely members  @KathyLauren   @V M   and  @ChrissyRyan  have already welcomed you but I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace, you will find this a safe, friendly and encouraging place to be.
   
    On KathyLauren's Welcome Message she attached important and informative LINKS that will help you to navigate around the Forums and will allow you to enjoy the features here.     
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.
     
    We have taken the liberty of moving this, your first post, to the Introductions Forum where many members will be aware of your arrival therefore allowing more sharing of thought with others.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

I suppose I would like to share a bit about myself for anyone interested in reading it  ???
It would feel nice to talk openly about my feelings so I'll give it a try.

My gender identity confused me from a very early age like many of the stories I've read about similar people. Starting at the age of four I stole my mothers silky underwear and started wearing it. I choose to play with barbies and ponies instead of GIJoes and boy-toys. I even fantasized about being a Disney princess before I knew any shred of sexuality. Those things led to a lot of ridicule from siblings and friends which lead to childhood trauma in a lot of ways. I suppressed my feelings as most boys do, but that only worked until puberty took it's firm grasp of me.

When I started to have desires of a sexual nature around the age of 13 I quickly connected it with old feelings from childhood. Fantasizing about being a woman was, and still is an everyday occurrence. Obsessed with dressing and acting like a woman behind locked doors, alone and silent about it. Female partners were my preference at this time (more on that subject later)

By the age of consent my desire to be feminine had steadily grown to a near boiling point. I began collecting any type of physical possession to aid in my fantasy, dildos of all shapes and sizes, sexy women's clothing, makeup and anything else that came to my mind to provide some type of enjoyment. Up to this point I had only shared my secrets with the only 2 people I could trust at the time, my high school girlfriend and my brother. I made it very clear to them how embarrassed I was by it and they were kind souls who kept my secrets to themselves. Looking back, I was either in denial of who I really am or I was scared of the consequences of acting on the thing I wanted more than anything (transitioning), most likely both. I experimented with having sex with a man for the first time at the age of 19. At this point I had already experienced vaginal intercourse. For reasons I may never understand, I was completely terrified of having sex with him and it took every ounce of courage to step over that line. It left me feeling like I betrayed everything I knew and I flipped a switch inside my mind. I threw away thousands of dollars of feminine "paraphernalia" and began supressing my desire to act upon my urges to be fem.

This did not last long, maybe 2 years passed and I convinced myself to buy a dildo, and a plug as well as a few pair of panties. Just enough to where I believed it was manageable. I could keep a small box well hidden for when my hormones took me over. Around this time I also shared my secrets with more people starting with close friends and siblings. It felt like a weight was lifted, however I only told them half of the story. They learned about my fetish with ass-play basically, and my dream of being a woman stayed locked in the back of my mind where I could look it from afar like some unobtainable dream that only happens in a made up fantasy world of magic and the supernatural.

This next part is embarrassing and very personal to me. I do feel shame for what I did to myself. Drug addiction was something I grew up around, and it was normal for me. I started at a young age smoking pot and occasionally drinking spirits. By the time I was in my early twenties my choices to use illegal substances turned into a new type of beast - Opiate Painkillers. I was swept away by the way they made me feel, numb and oblivious to everything but the warm/cozy feeling they gave me. The reason I bring this up is to let you know that it wasted years of my life. Opiates suppress sexual desire in most users, and it had that effect on me. Not to mention all the other horrors it comes with so I strongly dis-condone any use of them outside of people who have serious pain and little or no other choice. Opiates are an epidemic all across the world and I have first hand experience. However, I made it out alive  :) and I consider myself very fortunate!

As an epilogue, I have been sober for 1 year, 22 days, and it is the biggest achievement of my entire life thus far. I was high on one thing or another from the age of 13 all the way to 31. This time around, I will not have clouded judgement. I see it all so clearly, I see what is right in front of me, and it is within my reach! I deserve to be what I want to be. No more wanting to fall back asleep to be the woman I want to be. This time, I wake up and it's real. Dreams can come true! :icon_cry2: And I'm not trying to sound corny, this is how I feel and it brings me tears of joy.

Notes I left out ~  The trauma I experienced the first time I laid with a man has since been remedied. He treated me poorly, and I had the wrong intentions. I was not attracted to him and merely wanted to experience sex from that perspective. I am now happily in a relationship with a guy who I like mentally and physically, I can be myself around, and loves me for who I am. I also wanted to point out that I am still attracted to women. I honestly don't know if that is common, but I don't care. I choose a partner based on kindness and intelligence (admittedly also if they enjoy making me submit) cause everyone has needs, and those are mine. Thanks for reading this far, and I look forward to many more interactions with all of you  ;)

Questions and comments are welcome and appreciated

Also I have one question if anyone knows the answer please. Are modified photos frowned upon here. I read about faceapp here in these forums, did some research on it, and made the choice to try it's gender change feature. It has some pro's and con's definitely, but I would like to use it as my avatar because it gives me inspiration. I realize I sound a bit silly asking, but I don't want to offend anyone and I did read some articles about it's backlash in the LGBT community

Welcome to Susan's Place. Don't worry about putting a topic in the wrong place occasionally as it happens. Part of our job is to move topics where they will get the best response and 5 moves a day isn't uncommon. It only takes a few minutes and sometimes it adds excitement to the day.

As for altering your image, several of the members have face app avatars. We allow a fair amount of freedom with images as long as they don't have copy write issues, are moving images or the member falsely claims the image is theirs. We have member who have used the images of famous people but they don't claim it's their image. Only post the information you're comfortable revealing and don't feel obligated to display any images of yourself.

Remember that the internet is forever and even if we remove information from here, it may still reside elsewhere. This is why we only require a functional email address though it doesn't have to be your primary email address.

Quote from: Dena on February 09, 2019, 09:15:44 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. Don't worry about putting a topic in the wrong place occasionally as it happens. Part of our job is to move topics where they will get the best response and 5 moves a day isn't uncommon. It only takes a few minutes and sometimes it adds excitement to the day.

As for altering your image, several of the members have face app avatars. We allow a fair amount of freedom with images as long as they don't have copy write issues, are moving images or the member falsely claims the image is theirs. We have member who have used the images of famous people but they don't claim it's their image. Only post the information you're comfortable revealing and don't feel obligated to display any images of yourself.

Remember that the internet is forever and even if we remove information from here, it may still reside elsewhere. This is why we only require a functional email address though it doesn't have to be your primary email address.

Thank you for the answer to my question and also the good advice on privacy. I read your story and it was a great one. This site has me glued to my screen going on 5 or 6 hours now. I'll need to pace myself so my eyes don't dry into raisins and I get a permanent slouch from being on the edge of my seat heheh. It's all so fascinating to me. The you're fabulous darling thread is entertainment for hours alone =P I can't wait to start my HRT on Monday and I also can't wait to get my feet wet in other threads and topics. I held back on replying to a few posts because I see a lot of the same members and it seems like a bit of a tight knit family. For now I'll just take it slow and keep learning until I feel comfortable. I can be paitent.

One last thing I would like to share before I go to bed. I am very self conscious about how my face will look once I fully transition, specifically facial structure because I am scared of plastic surgery. Faceapp gave me a huge boost in confidence. I did notice some things it changes ie: lip enhancement, enlargement of the eyes in some photos, a slight narrowing of the nostrils (at least in my case), and of course it adds copious amounts of makeup. Most of the things it does to your face are achievable without surgery. After looking at several results of other before & after of MTF I feel that it is largely accurate with facial structure. Huge plus in my book. I took several photos in different lighting, facial poses, and angles and I freaking love my results!! I'm going to make one more post here shortly of some of the pictures it made for me because I really want to show them off. Even if only one or 2 people look. I feel like the transgender community could benefit from this technology as it advances. Anyways, brb with those pics :D I want to crop out the originals of myself for privacy reasons.

We have a core group of member that post a lot but over the period of a day we have about 700 members visit the site. many are occasional posters and over a few months you will see most of them post. Some people just have more to say than others but the point of this site is for you to use it the way you need it. How much or how little you post isn't important as long as you get the answers you need.

I'm struggling here. I thought I attached the images correctly. Sent them to a hosting URL, checked insert image. It's not working. Also when I try to preview my post it does nothing when I click on it

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I am a little late, but welcome to Susan's Place. When I began this journey two years ago I was certain that I was going to be an ugly woman, but I knew my only other choice was to take my own life. Now I look in the mirror and smile. So far all I have had done was a trachea shave. HRT can do wonders, but mirrors are evil -- they only show you what you want to see. If you concentrate on the seeing the beauty within yourself, then that is all others will see. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

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I Don't want anyone to think I'm getting unrealistic expectations from these, nor am I using them as an excuse. I will be happy no matter how I turn out and be beautiful in my own way.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on February 09, 2019, 10:52:56 PM
I am a little late, but welcome to Susan's Place. When I began this journey two years ago I was certain that I was going to be an ugly woman, but I knew my only other choice was to take my own life. Now I look in the mirror and smile. So far all I have had done was a trachea shave. HRT can do wonders, but mirrors are evil -- they only show you what you want to see. If you concentrate on the seeing the beauty within yourself, then that is all others will see. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Nice to meet you pretty lady =) And great advice, I totally agree. I'm just blown away by the results I got from this technology. I looked through pages of before and after photos it made and I'm absolutely ecstatic with mine. It makes me feel good about myself in a time where I need that. Goodnight all you beautiful people! I may just sleep without a care in the world tonight and I haven't felt this way in so long I can't remember. I'll pop in tomorrow for sure. TTFN

Welcome!


I used a FaceApp avatar in the beginning. Like the first year. But I'm much more open about me now, I won't ->-bleeped-<- my pants if someone sees me here anymore.

It is a process we all go through. In different paces. But remember, your safety must always be the number one issue. If you are unsafe, don't out yourself.

I live in Sweden. It's a pretty free country where you can be yourself. But not all places are like this.


Also, you need to post atleast 15 posts to be able to put a pic in your profile.


Tony

Thank you Tony, you're a sweetheart. I don't have any concerns about being outed.
I'm so very excited to start hrt tomorrow. I have been researching all day on the subject. I can't wait to start seeing results and feeling more comfortable in my own body

Quote from: MeTony on February 10, 2019, 01:09:40 PM
Welcome!


I used a FaceApp avatar in the beginning. Like the first year. But I'm much more open about me now, I won't ->-bleeped-<- my pants if someone sees me here anymore.

It is a process we all go through. In different paces. But remember, your safety must always be the number one issue. If you are unsafe, don't out yourself.

I live in Sweden. It's a pretty free country where you can be yourself. But not all places are like this.


Also, you need to post atleast 15 posts to be able to put a pic in your profile.


Tony

Also, do you have any input on the accuracy of faceapp? I can't seem to find any testimonials from people who used it pre-HRT and have been able to make a comparison post-HRT. That is, assuming you have undergone it?

I just talked with my parents in person about my choice to be transgender. It went really well as I thought it would  ;D
My mom is the best <3

Quote from: Cloudy Puff on February 10, 2019, 07:52:40 PM
I just talked with my parents in person about my choice to be transgender. It went really well as I thought it would  ;D
My mom is the best <3

Congratulations that you have such  great mother.  A good support system makes it way easier to go through with you transition!
I assume that your mother is approximately in my age, and I can assure you, it is not easy for us older folks to come to grip with those things.  It was not easy for me to transition, and it is not easy for your mother to see her child transitioning.  You are so lucky that she is on your side!

Good luck and hugs!
Linde

Quote from: Cloudy Puff on February 10, 2019, 05:26:21 PM
Also, do you have any input on the accuracy of faceapp? I can't seem to find any testimonials from people who used it pre-HRT and have been able to make a comparison post-HRT. That is, assuming you have undergone it?

I'm still pre T. But the app codes me as male. I had an episode of 3 years in woman mode. That was about 10 years ago. When I try the woman picture I look like my sister. Not like I did 10 years ago.

Avoid the gender swap choise. It puts a hollywood filter on before swaping. Very unrealistic.

This is me with woman2 filter. You see there are similar traits. It looks more like my sister. But not what I looked like in woman mode. Faces don't change much without HRT. And I'm pre T. I had this face 10 years ago too. Just a bit younger ;)

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Awesome, thanks Tony. I will play with the settings a bit. Still figuring it out and I do hate the holywood makeup. It looks nice and all but realistically who want's to wear 3 pounds of makeup regularly. I'm going to play around with it and see if I can come up with something more realistic.

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I didn't even realize you could swipe over and have other options on it. I am much happier with these ones. Used the female 1 filter, fem 2 seemed to do some weird unnatural things with my face and hair. These new ones even got my natural hair color =) While I do see these as more realistic, I do understand it will not be what I look like in the future. Thanks again Tony for telling me that, I probably would have never noticed if you didn't mention it

I keep posting and then forgetting something I wanted to add.... Grrr...

The choices I've made have given me an appreciation for all the transgender people out there. Self image can be the most terrifying thing and my heart goes out to all the brave souls who battle with this in their head. Earlier in this post I talked about not being worried about privacy, and I meant that but more and more I'm realizing how much I hate to look at my current image. I didn't post the before pictures of my faceapp swap because I'm that disgusted with looking at myself. I started to think about it and I have never looked in a mirror and liked what I saw. I have avoided taking pictures like it's the freaking plague all of my life. Someday I hope I can look in the mirror and like what I see, but I know that isn't going to happen until I can reflect a glimmer of how I feel on the inside. Is this normal?

Quote from: Cloudy Puff on February 10, 2019, 11:45:38 PM
... I started to think about it and I have never looked in a mirror and liked what I saw. I have avoided taking pictures like it's the freaking plague all of my life. Someday I hope I can look in the mirror and like what I see, but I know that isn't going to happen until I can reflect a glimmer of how I feel on the inside. Is this normal?

Yes, absolutely normal.

I found a total of 5 pictures of old me in the tens of thousands from family albums and events going back to 1998 that I have,  When I remodeled a master bath in my old home, I removed the giant wall mirror and replaced it with smaller oval mirrors over high-topped jack-and-Jill vanities, such that they did not reflect me below the waist when I walked between the shower and vanity.

When I started my real life test in a new apartment, I covered the wall mirror in the bath with a translucent plastic film with a small cutout for shaving.

Yeah, I didn't like seeing myself in the mirror.

This sort of dysphoria trigger seems fairly common.

Quote from: Michelle_P on February 11, 2019, 12:29:53 AM
Yeah, I didn't like seeing myself in the mirror.

That's past tense so I hope you don't feel that way anymore darling because I think you are BEAUTIFUL!!

I noticed you when I was poking around in a thread where you were giving some really good advice about maintaining a clean wig and when I saw your face it put a big smile on mine  :D
I consider myself very fortunate that my genetics didn't deal me any balding patterns, and I'm happy for the strong women who don't let anything like that hold them back.


Side note: I figured out how to quote only specific parts of a post. Yay learning!

I also used to hate mirrors and pictures of me. I was lost and tried hard to be a girl. But this guy in my head kept looking back at me in the mirror but as a woman. It did not matter if I had makeup or long hair. My image did not match the mirror. I was not a woman.

When I embraced the man in me, the mirror slowly started to look like me. I am happy I have male/androgynous features in my face.

When I cut my hair, bought a binder and started dressing as I feel - I started to like myself. AND the image in the mirror and pictures. It is me.

Dysphoria is very often part of being transgender. You can have body dysphoria or voice dysphoria etc.

Not recognizing your true self in the mirror and hating the image - sounds like dysphoria.


Tony

I went in for my consultation this morning. Gave blood samples and talked about my options. I cried so many times and they were feelings of happiness and sadness. This all makes me so, sooo happy. I feel like I have a new lease on life and it has given me so much determination to live a healthier life and have more confidence. There has been a shroud of depression around me for as long as I can remember, and I feel like the weight is lifting?!?! I have never felt like this before, caring about myself in so many ways is completely new to me and I love it!! I can't wait to start going full time as a woman!! Bless you all!! I also talked to my older brother today about the choice I made, so that makes mom, dad, and one of my brothers who know now along with an online friend I have from a long time ago. It feels so great to be more open about who I am. Looking forward to making the announcement on FB to the world. I have been trying to convince myself to grow out my hair again for such a long time, and I have hair trimmers that I always just buzzed everything off with. They will not be used ever again!! (on my head at least  :D) Can't wait to have it long enough to get it styled. So so many emotions and thoughts running through me.


~I feel reborn

This journey can be quite a rollercoaster. Finally being able to come out in the open and live as your true self will feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders. There will be many ups and downs, and you will experience some emotional extremes, but it is definitely worth it. My one regret is not starting sooner!

Congrats on starting your new journey! I wish you all the best.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I'm seeing a lot of diff advice on lowering testosterone without medication. And I was wondering if there was a more accurate list of things to do in order to lower it. Does anyone have a link or some tips at least for me?? Also there is one very specific, personal question I can't find an answer to. Does masturbation raise testosterone?

Quote from: Cloudy Puff on February 12, 2019, 11:35:50 AM
I'm seeing a lot of diff advice on lowering testosterone without medication. And I was wondering if there was a more accurate list of things to do in order to lower it. Does anyone have a link or some tips at least for me?? Also there is one very specific, personal question I can't find an answer to. Does masturbation raise testosterone?

I don't think so that mastruation does anything.  Because some people are able to mastrubate pretty well without testicles.  And those are the babies that generate most of your testosterone.
Certain nutrition may help a little bit, but like with increasing estrogen through nutrition, it is only very marginal.

Who is giving the advices, if it is companies that sell nutritional supplements, I would be carefull, they can say anything but do not have to keep heir promises!

It looks as if my testes stoppe producing any significant amount of testosterone several years ago, and that is the reason why they will be removed, but I am a rather unusual biological case anyway, and am not a good example for most people.

I mostly watched videos on youtube. But the reason I was asking about masturbation is the fact that if testosterone is produced in the testicles, would it be released into the body through masturbating at a faster rate? or would it be worse to not release it because you are sorta "storing" it up if you don't? I may be just in my head a little too much even thinking about this. It's difficult from what I read to not feel in a rush to get the process moving along faster and I am feeling the effects of trying to rush. I took my blood test yesterday to begin my HRT treatment and I don't go back until next week so I was wondering if there was anything I could do in the meantime to help. I read things that were saying to avoid red meat, eat grains and avoid dairy? Are these things true?

I hope I'm not carrying on too much here in introductions. I will try to post in the appropriate thread for any further questions =)

Quote from: Cloudy Puff on February 12, 2019, 01:03:06 PM
I mostly watched videos on youtube. But the reason I was asking about masturbation is the fact that if testosterone is produced in the testicles, would it be released into the body through masturbating at a faster rate? or would it be worse to not release it because you are sorta "storing" it up if you don't? I may be just in my head a little too much even thinking about this. It's difficult from what I read to not feel in a rush to get the process moving along faster and I am feeling the effects of trying to rush. I took my blood test yesterday to begin my HRT treatment and I don't go back until next week so I was wondering if there was anything I could do in the meantime to help. I read things that were saying to avoid red meat, eat grains and avoid dairy? Are these things true?

When you eliminate certain foods from your body, other functions of the body might also be educed.  you need a certain amount of protein, to continue to be healthy.
But I don't think that you can do achieve much in a single week, food based changes are rather slow, and are never dramatic, unless you starve yourself.
And no, hormone production does no work like this, your testicles produce testosterone continuously, and you can't create a little stasch of it. 
If you like to mastrubate just continue to have this fun, because once you are on testosterone blockers and estrogen, your libido may go down the tube, and all is left is the memory of mastrubation.  You might also get a certain amount of atrophy of your penis, which might make it harder to mastrubate, an you might not even b able to get an erection anymore.
Again, every person is different and reacts different.  I have not have had an erection for many, many years now, and my penis has shrunk so much that I cannot stand at a urinal anymore to urinate (but I also do not have any problem with tucking, wearing female underwear).  But my libido is also so low that I don't miss this stuff anymore.

Every person is different, and a lot depends on the dose of medication your doc will prescribe for you!
You waited all those years to transition, one more week will not make a difference anyway!

Thank you Lind  :icon_flower: