Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Yesterday I was at a college alumni event (one of those things that colleges in the USA hold to get the alumni stoked so they'll open their checkbooks), and I was talking with a classmate that I'd never seen before, and eventually I mentioned that I was trans.

She kept saying, "you're so brave."

I've never understood why my transitioning should be seen as "brave."  I've always seen it as being like jumping out the window when the building you're in is engulfed with flames -- you jump because you don't want to die and your chances are better if you jump.  I got onto the path that eventually led to transition because I realized I could either move ahead  or I could just lie down and wait to die, and I didn't want to die.  By the time transition came into the picture, it was just the next logical step and I could just follow the rather well-worn trail that my trans foremothers had blazed (cf.: AMC trail crews.)  And, to be honest, I've been very lucky: my transition and now living as a woman has been a breeze (by my standards.)

No, that didn't take any courage.

What I really have to summon all my courage for is just getting out of bed in the morning.  Living my life and being me often feels like a heavy load, and I'm always afraid my strength will run out before the end of the day.

I think I know where this comes from: it's how I felt for most of my growing up.  Every morning I lived in dread of the events that would certainly occur to make me feel unbearably awful, defective, morally defective, and I didn't know how I would survive them.  And every evening I did my best to forget everything that had happened that day and lose myself in a fantasy world where neither I nor the Hell I lived in existed.

PTSD sucks

Yeah it does.

And living trans or trans nonbinary or any nonbinary at all, takes a lot of guts.

And its sooooo worth the battle.

Best to you dear.

Asche-

You've conquered a lot. And winning our battles takes bravery and courage. Take me, for instance- soldier, cop, firefighter. Over 20 years of battles that would make many run in fear ( and the sources of my personal battles with PTSD).

But I still haven't mustered the courage to tell my parents I'm "different."  I haven't told my family. Heck, I even have a cousin who is FtM who paved the dang way for me. Still haven't raised my hand and said "I have an announcement."

That's why people like your classmate (and I) respect you. We are happy for you. For embracing yourself. For taking that leap.

You're a pioneer. And a badass.

And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

i came out  to my largest Face Book group today.  Most of the members are females, and all of them congratulated me for being so strong and brave to make this move to be a woman!

It could very well be that cis women who accept us,  see us as very strong and courageous, because they know how mean the world can be!

Quote from: Asche on February 24, 2019, 08:37:40 PM
I've never understood why my transitioning should be seen as "brave."  I've always seen it as being like jumping out the window when the building you're in is engulfed with flames -- you jump because you don't want to die and your chances are better if you jump.  I got onto the path that eventually led to transition because I realized I could either move ahead  or I could just lie down and wait to die, and I didn't want to die. 

   I really identify with the way you have phrased this. That's exactly how I felt when I finally came to terms with myself and committed to transitioning.
'If I stay here I'm going to die, if I transition I might have a shot at a happier life'
   Personally, I would much rather 'allies' said something along the lines of 'I'm sorry our culture stigmatizes you for being who you are' rather than 'you're so brave'. Calling us 'brave' makes it seem like being trans is a chosen adventure, like climbing Everest. Instead of a natural part of human existence that has been unfairly oppressed and stigmatized.

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Quote from: Asche on February 24, 2019, 08:37:40 PM
She kept saying, "you're so brave."

I've never understood why my transitioning should be seen as "brave."  I've always seen it as being like jumping out the window when the building you're in is engulfed with flames -- you jump because you don't want to die and your chances are better if you jump.

This. My therapist said it to me, and I laughed. Like I had a choice!

Quote from: Ann W on March 01, 2019, 02:14:01 AM
This. My therapist said it to me, and I laughed. Like I had a choice!

I always hear the "brave" argument.  Like"you are so brave doing this at your age" .  This shows clearly that people have no idea that we don't choose to transition, but rather are forced to do so, if we want to survive.
I don't know how we can get it across to the world that we did not choose to transition, but that we just want to live!

I think a lot of it comes from the fact that we are essentially telling society to f-off and going our own way. Most people have aspects of their lives they aren't happy about, most people hide parts of themselves to fit in with society. These actions get more and more pronounced as we get older.

I think a lot of people see it as rejecting safety for satisfaction, which to them seems very brave.

I understand the feeling that you had no choice, so "brave" doesn't really apply.  But when I came out to my large extended family, several called me "brave" and I appreciate the sentiment.  In a sense, it was writing and sending the coming-out announcement that was brave.