Susan's Place Transgender Resources

 I'm starting this as a diary of my progression. Feel free to add anything that's important to you as well. Having someone to talk to is important... And I'm available to talk you're ear off 24/7  :)
My transition may be different than yours.... We all have different levels of comfort. Different or not, we are all in this together.
My true transition started about 3 years ago. it had came to a point where the feelings were causing detrimental behaviors. I instantly told my wife. Sadly, that didn't work out as well as I hoped. ( IN the process of a divorce now ) Which makes me really sad. it's difficult to stop loving someone.
I've jumped thru all the hoops... Therapists , psyche evals and all that comes with it . They diagnosed me with Gender Dysphoria. I started synthetic hormones 10 months ago.
The change was quite spectacular. Anger issues, depression, Anxiety.... They all fading into the past. Although admittedly I do suffer from anxiety on occasion. But not to the previous level. 
My entire goal is inner peace. For some reason the hormones do just that. I mean... I do live as a woman I rarely wear mens  clothes. But I dress unisex. ( Non passable ) The funny thing? I don't care if I ever pass. Inner peace is the goal.. passing is just another stressful expectation to me.
My mother has been a huge blessing thru all this..... Which was really shocking to me. Her support has been invaluable. Well..... breakfast is ready.... Babble more later

Quote from: Darlene on March 04, 2019, 06:53:36 AM
...

My entire goal is inner peace. For some reason the hormones do just that. I mean... I do live as a woman I rarely wear mens  clothes. But I dress unisex. ( Non passable ) The funny thing? I don't care if I ever pass. Inner peace is the goal.. passing is just another stressful expectation to me.

...

Inner peace, isn't that what we all are really looking for in the grand scheme of things?

Best wishes.

Quote from: Darlene on March 04, 2019, 06:53:36 AM
My transition may be different than yours....

They're all different. That's what makes them special. That and the fact that you get to live as your authentic self.

Quote from: Darlene on March 04, 2019, 06:53:36 AM
My entire goal is inner peace. For some reason the hormones do just that. I mean... I do live as a woman I rarely wear mens  clothes. But I dress unisex. ( Non passable ) The funny thing? I don't care if I ever pass. Inner peace is the goal.. passing is just another stressful expectation to me.

I agree 100% with this. It's not about how others see us, it's about how we see ourselves.

Thanks Ladies!!!!!


   I had a fun experience this morning with my mother. She hollers from the other room for me. She hollers for me so much I feel like I'm married again. ( Weird )
So I go in... She's in her 70's not too flexible either. She needs help getting her panty hose on   ::) ::) ::)
Oh lord... what an ordeal. By the times I've gotten one foot in we are both laughing so hard tears are streaming down our cheeks.
We finally get em on her..... She likes to tease me about my transition, in a fun motherly way. She says so... How do you feel about transitioning now? Well.... I'm not going to miss this opportunity  ;D ;D ;D   
I say.... I'm wonderful with it , I don't have any trouble getting my panty hose on & there's always somebody volunteering to take em off me.
HER FACE.... PRICELESS   ;D ;D ;D ;D
My mom is awesome

Quote from: Darlene on March 04, 2019, 12:43:58 PM
My mom is awesome

Your mom sounds awesome.

Quote from: Darlene on March 04, 2019, 06:53:36 AM
I've jumped thru all the hoops... Therapists , psyche evals and all that comes with it . They diagnosed me with Gender Dysphoria. I started synthetic hormones 10 months ago.
The change was quite spectacular. Anger issues, depression, Anxiety.... They all fading into the past. Although admittedly I do suffer from anxiety on occasion. But not to the previous level. 
My entire goal is inner peace. For some reason the hormones do just that. I mean... I do live as a woman I rarely wear mens  clothes. But I dress unisex. ( Non passable ) The funny thing? I don't care if I ever pass. Inner peace is the goal..

I'm with you sister.  20 + years of antidepressants only gave me the side effects.

At the end of my first month on HRT I felt a peace I couldn't remember ever feeling.

I, too, still suffer anxiety on occasion.  What's different is this:  When it comes, I can identify a source and work on my attitude or the situation.  With that it fades.

I don't pass well and also dress unisex.  My jeans & intimate wear are all female.  Shirts are golf shirts, T-shirt's, or something seen either way.

I also no longer care if I pass.  My body's along for the ride now.  After 59 years, I've finally found peace.  That was everything I did and could hope for!

Congrats!

Kate


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Quote from: jkredman on March 04, 2019, 03:53:33 PM

I'm with you sister.  20 + years of antidepressants only gave me the side effects.

At the end of my first month on HRT I felt a peace I couldn't remember ever feeling.

I, too, still suffer anxiety on occasion.  What's different is this:  When it comes, I can identify a source and work on my attitude or the situation.  With that it fades.

I don't pass well and also dress unisex.  My jeans & intimate wear are all female.  Shirts are golf shirts, T-shirt's, or something seen either way.

I also no longer care if I pass.  My body's along for the ride now.  After 59 years, I've finally found peace.  That was everything I did and could hope for!

Congrats!

Kate


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Thanks Kate !!

Hi Darlene,

Yes, that is the goal.  Finding inner peace.

Marion

Quote from: jkredman on March 04, 2019, 03:53:33 PM


I also no longer care if I pass.  My body's along for the ride now.  After 59 years, I've finally found peace.  That was everything I did and could hope for!

Congrats!

Kate


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Hi Kate, it seems that it is a little earthier or us older girls to pass.  I don't know why, but we have it earthier to get an older woman's voice, and probably don't have to participate anymore in the beauty pagans?

Just let HRT do it's magic, and all of a sudden you will be a beautiful older lady!

Quote from: Dietlind on March 04, 2019, 07:53:25 PM
Hi Kate, it seems that it is a little earthier or us older girls to pass.  I don't know why, but we have it earthier to get an older woman's voice, and probably don't have to participate anymore in the beauty pagans?

Just let HRT do it's magic, and all of a sudden you will be a beautiful older lady!

That's my plan..... to give myself plenty of time. If things go well. I plan on SRS around age 55...... that gives me 5 years . I don't want to rush myself

Unrelated topic..... Fussed all night with my soon to be Ex.... She freaked when I came out to her.  She doesn't believe in Transgender or gender dysphoria...  What fun that was. Being she's a devout Christian. She wanted a divorce. The issue? I was being a good husband, so she didn't have a plausible reason for divorce.  So she started making up all these far fetched lies.... Just wow... oh well, nothing I can do. Makes me sad tho... I really do love her.

Quote from: Darlene on March 05, 2019, 06:47:06 AM
Unrelated topic..... Fussed all night with my soon to be Ex.... She freaked when I came out to her.  She doesn't believe in Transgender or gender dysphoria...  What fun that was. Being she's a devout Christian. She wanted a divorce. The issue? I was being a good husband, so she didn't have a plausible reason for divorce.  So she started making up all these far fetched lies.... Just wow... oh well, nothing I can do. Makes me sad tho... I really do love her.

Darlene:

Can't tell from your post if this is a recent episode or if it's been ongoing.

I simply pray the two of you can hang together; at least for a while longer. 

You (we / I) set off a WMD in the relationship when we come out.  They need time to process.  Their mind goes haywire.  They feel betrayed, they feel embarrassed, they feel their sexual orientation is being challenged, they're scared.

It was 4 months of hell for Patty & I.  For many others, I've met it took much longer.  Many broke up.

My transition coach guided me to do the following:

1) Go slow, go very slow.  I know it's a continuation of our pain but it does force us to decide on our priorities.  If we've been in a long term relationship, our partner has the right to ask for limits.  We need to accept, negotiate, or reject those limits.  Based on our response, our partner has the right to make their decisions.  (My limit - no surgery to remove the male anatomy - yet)

2) Be overly open.  Share as much as their willing to take in.  If you've started HRT, share how it makes you feel; the highs; the lows; the struggles with more intense emotions than we've previously experienced.  If you've attended a wedding together since you've started HRT and cried tears of joy;  Share It!!!  If you've cried at a funeral; Share That!!!

Patty caught me in a Climara (Estradiol) moment this evening.  I was grieving something that happened before we met.  All I could do was describe it, and all she could do was let me cry it out.

I hope there's still hope for you and your 'soon to be ex'. What ever the outcome - I'm praying for you.

Kate


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Quote from: jkredman on March 05, 2019, 07:54:41 PM
Darlene:

Can't tell from your post if this is a recent episode or if it's been ongoing.

I simply pray the two of you can hang together; at least for a while longer. 

You (we / I) set off a WMD in the relationship when we come out.  They need time to process.  Their mind goes haywire.  They feel betrayed, they feel embarrassed, they feel their sexual orientation is being challenged, they're scared.

It was 4 months of hell for Patty & I.  For many others, I've met it took much longer.  Many broke up.

My transition coach guided me to do the following:

1) Go slow, go very slow.  I know it's a continuation of our pain but it does force us to decide on our priorities.  If we've been in a long term relationship, our partner has the right to ask for limits.  We need to accept, negotiate, or reject those limits.  Based on our response, our partner has the right to make their decisions.  (My limit - no surgery to remove the male anatomy - yet)

2) Be overly open.  Share as much as their willing to take in.  If you've started HRT, share how it makes you feel; the highs; the lows; the struggles with more intense emotions than we've previously experienced.  If you've attended a wedding together since you've started HRT and cried tears of joy;  Share It!!!  If you've cried at a funeral; Share That!!!

Patty caught me in a Climara (Estradiol) moment this evening.  I was grieving something that happened before we met.  All I could do was describe it, and all she could do was let me cry it out.

I hope there's still hope for you and your 'soon to be ex'. What ever the outcome - I'm praying for you.

Kate


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Thanks Kate. Yeah I was hopeful that we could sort it out. I told her everything,,, but she is dead set that she wants a divorce. She's Extremely religious.... so that's not helping.
I had a long conversation last night with my therapist about this. I've been trying to make sense of it. My therapist said something to me that helped immensely. She pointed out Logic & emotions are separate entities. There was no sense to be made of it. That I was only hurting myself sitting around looking for a 'motivating factor'.
On to my emotions. It's a strange new world for me. I was never too emotional of a person. But I have noticed. being more emotional of late. Like I'll see something & the tears will just start flowing.... it's really quite bizarre , but also humorous.... Which sometimes will strike me funny... so there I sit looking like a escape mental patient... Laughing & crying at the same time. :)

Quote from: Darlene on March 06, 2019, 07:16:05 AM

On to my emotions. It's a strange new world for me. I was never too emotional of a person. But I have noticed. being more emotional of late. Like I'll see something & the tears will just start flowing.... it's really quite bizarre , but also humorous.... Which sometimes will strike me funny... so there I sit looking like a escape mental patient... Laughing & crying at the same time. :)

You have noting seen yet.  Wait until you start to cry for hours, and the main reason that keeps you ging to cry even more is because you are crying!
Or like I experienced yesterday, they had on Public Radio a story of the French wife of a Issis fighter, who died in Syria, and her three little children are in prisoner camps there, and the oldest, 5 years old, has not even learned to talk yet, and the French Grandparents try to get them to France, and have a hard time doing so.
I was driving and almost had to stop, because the tears were running down my face so heavy that they started to impair my vision of the road!  My emotions are so close to the top now that i almost can cry about anything that sound a little bit sad!

Just got a call from my lawyer.  The Divorce will be finalized on the 27th. Just sad, it all feels so surreal. On to bigger & better things I guess. Such a waste.

Quote from: Darlene on March 07, 2019, 04:17:36 PM
Just got a call from my lawyer.  The Divorce will be finalized on the 27th. Just sad, it all feels so surreal. On to bigger & better things I guess. Such a waste.

I know how you feel, mine was finalized almost 10 years ago (we were separated for 5 more), but I am still sad about this.
Hugs
Linde

Quote from: Dietlind on March 07, 2019, 04:50:13 PM
I know how you feel, mine was finalized almost 10 years ago (we were separated for 5 more), but I am still sad about this.
Hugs
Linde

TY Linde.... Yeah... Just can't wrap my mind around it yet. I'll get there... but now it just seems foolish. Strange how you can be living the dream & it's all gone in the blink of an eye.

Quote from: Darlene on March 07, 2019, 04:56:09 PM
TY Linde.... Yeah... Just can't wrap my mind around it yet. I'll get there... but now it just seems foolish. Strange how you can be living the dream & it's all gone in the blink of an eye.

Yes, it is.  And my eyes still fill with tears each time when I think about what I lost.  I wonder, was it worth it, just because I am a woman now?  I really don't know!
Hugs
Linde

Quote from: Darlene on March 07, 2019, 04:17:36 PM
Just got a call from my lawyer.  The Divorce will be finalized on the 27th. Just sad, it all feels so surreal. On to bigger & better things I guess. Such a waste.

My prayer is that you find peace!!!!


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Quote from: Darlene on March 06, 2019, 07:16:05 AM
On to my emotions. It's a strange new world for me. I was never too emotional of a person. But I have noticed. being more emotional of late. Like I'll see something & the tears will just start flowing.... it's really quite bizarre , but also humorous.... Which sometimes will strike me funny... so there I sit looking like a escape mental patient... Laughing & crying at the same time. :)

For me, you may think I'm weird, but I love the emotions.

I also was never too emotional.  For me it probably was conditioning, and antidepressants on top of it.

I now cry tears of joy at weddings.  I grieve with people at funerals.  I love it.  I feel!!!!!!

Yes, past hurts are having to be relived and dealt with.   I can't compartmentalize as I could before. 

You're not an escaped mental patient.  You're finally living life to the fullest.

I hope / pray you find peace & happiness.

Kate



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Hi Darlene,
   First off, I love the humor between you and your mom. It is sad about splitting with your partner. Sorry! I always advise being positive, so I guess my thought is to look towards the future. One door closes, another opens. I hope you grab for every bit of happiness going forward. When change is inevitable, maybe it is best to embrace it if possible. Best of luck.
Moni

Hi Darlene, Sorry to hear about your divorce - many people tend to hurt others when they are hurting.  That doesn't make it OK but understandable where the mean attitude is coming from.

Regarding your Mom I love having a supportive Mom.  She is 79 and doing well mentally.  Physically eh, so so but no major problems. 

She has been very supportive and now claims she wishes I had told her years ago.  LOL yeah right.  In the 1970's I am positive I would have been at the psychiatrist to try and 'fix' me.

But now it's great - I am one of two children and he is a brother.  Kind of obvious by the use of 'he'.  :D

She seems to really like having a daughter and is always giving me hair and fashion advice and like most mothers it is not always complimentary.  Oh - you should do this with your hair - or - don't sit like that.  Too funny.

Life is always a mix.  I am sad for your struggles and happy for your advances.   :)

TY Ladies, yeah it's a never ending process at times. What makes it so difficult.... One day she wants a divorce, the next day she doesn't. It's really an emotional rollercoaster