Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey y'all

I'm really nervous as I have my first appointment with a gender therapist tomorrow! Trying to pass some time so I just thought about this topic:

Amina is just a nick I gave myself for creating online accounts. My actual name is a male name in Europe but exclusively female in America. However, American culture becomes increasingly popular where I live. Therefore, more people see my name as a female name which makes me happy. I plan on keeping the name as I won't have issues with dead naming - also, it was okay as a male name but I really like it as a female name :)


Just wanted to get this off my chest to cope with nervousness.

How about you? Would you have kept your old name if possible or use a new name to sort of "start all new"?

Amina

Hi Amiina 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica.
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Hi, welcome to Susan's.

I liked my old first and middle name but they are very male. I love Rachel Lynn so I changed it.

Quote from: Amiina on April 09, 2019, 06:23:43 PM
Hey y'all

I'm really nervous as I have my first appointment with a gender therapist tomorrow! Trying to pass some time so I just thought about this topic:

Amina is just a nick I gave myself for creating online accounts. My actual name is a male name in Europe but exclusively female in America. However, American culture becomes increasingly popular where I live. Therefore, more people see my name as a female name which makes me happy. I plan on keeping the name as I won't have issues with dead naming - also, it was okay as a male name but I really like it as a female name :)


Just wanted to get this off my chest to cope with nervousness.

How about you? Would you have kept your old name if possible or use a new name to sort of "start all new"?

Amina

Hi Amiina,
                   I would have kept my old name but unfortunately it would not cut it as female. You are so lucky !

Kind regards, Kirsten.

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Hi, Amiina, and welcome!

You are lucky to have such a versatile name.  It will certainly make life easier for you.

Congratulations on starting therapy.  Seeing a gender therapist is one of the best things you can do as you start your journey.

I didn't really want a different name, but my old first name was too male, so I picked a female name that was as close as I could get to it.  My middle name is the feminine version of my old middle name.

My name is good for either gender so I left it as is.

You're lucky.  :)

I couldn't stand my deadname.  It is a very beautiful name...for someone else. 

Actually, when I was working as a Paramedic, I took a lady in active labor to the hospital.  While enroute, she asked me my name, so I told her, and wrote it down for her.  She liked it, so somewhere back home in Cleveland, there's probably a girl....a young lady now...with my first and middle names.  She's more than welcome to them.

I much prefer my chosen name, not very many Americans, much less African-Americans, with my current (Japanese) name!  ^-^

Ryuichi

Hi Amina!

I added a letter to feminize my first name and it became my middle name, but some of my long time friends and family prefer to use it since it easier to remember.  My new first name is all for me =D.

Jael is a character I wrote many year ago.  I always liked the name so I use it online.

Tell us all how the meeting is tomorrow. My name shortened is androgynous....jesse....having a regular name like chad would've been good but every standard name is a 'douchebag' name...so. uh-uh *shakes head* weird....though ....just realizing i hardly have a life where i'm at so maybe not a big step of an idea...!

I used a very similar name as my new name, the first part is identical, and when I sign stuff (why do most medical professionals have a sloppy handwriting?  Mine is very sloppy!), One cannot really see any difference whether I signed with he old name or with the new name.  My initials did not change either.

My dead name was very popular. The sister name was even more popular/common. I went with a completely different name, including last name. When my mother passed away I decided to take her maiden name. First name I chose because i didn't know anyone with that name, but still common enough. Middle name was my second choice for a first name, and I thought it sounded nice with my first name.

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Hi Amiina

This is a great question.

Well, my old name was a very classic male name. No way to see a female part in or near it.
So I really really had to change it and I did so. I did it the legal way......new passport, new driving license, in every single document.
For to do so was a lawyer needed
-I can tell you absolutely required-
It also means I had to pay for all of that, the lawyer, the court procedure, every letter or document and after all of course for all the new documents like passport, driving license......
it was a very expensive matter!

So if you are able to use your old name and you are happy with it, you must be a very happy girl.

Quote from: Margrit on April 09, 2019, 11:56:43 PM
Hi Amiina

This is a great question.

Well, my old name was a very classic male name. No way to see a female part in or near it.
So I really really had to change it and I did so. I did it the legal way......new passport, new driving license, in every single document.
For to do so was a lawyer needed
-I can tell you absolutely required-
It also means I had to pay for all of that, the lawyer, the court procedure, every letter or document and after all of course for all the new documents like passport, driving license......
it was a very expensive matter!

So if you are able to use your old name and you are happy with it, you must be a very happy girl.

Oh man, I don't know where you live, but here in the US, it's not very expensive to legally change your name.  Maybe around a couple hundred dollars.  I changed everything as well, except for my birth certificate.  Unfortunately, I live in one of the three states where they won't do so, but there's a lawsuit challenging that law.  I'm following it, since it will impact whether or not I change my name in my home state.  ugh.  Stupid politicians being bullies and gatekeepers, it's not fun.  >:(

Ryuichi

I changend it everywhere inclusive birth certificate :-) and I am so happy I did it :-)
By the way I am living in Europa so things can be different, and here in my country, is everything that has to do with court expensive. 

Quote from: Dietlind on April 09, 2019, 11:30:00 PM
I used a very similar name as my new name, the first part is identical, and when I sign stuff (why do most medical professionals have a sloppy handwriting?  Mine is very sloppy!), One cannot really see any difference whether I signed with he old name or with the new name.  My initials did not change either.

Ha ha!  My new name, when abbreviated,  is similar enough to my old name that my signature is almost identical.  When I got my new driver's license, I gave them the required sample signature.  The lady at the counter called me back and told me that I signed my old name.  I was pretty sure I hadn't, but I gave her a new sample.  It looked the same.  I can tell the difference, but someone looking casually wouldn't.  In fact, my bank never asked for a new sample signature.  I sign my cheques "Kathy _____", and I am not sure they even noticed.

Quote from: Dietlind on April 09, 2019, 11:30:00 PM
I used a very similar name as my new name, the first part is identical, and when I sign stuff (why do most medical professionals have a sloppy handwriting?  Mine is very sloppy!), One cannot really see any difference whether I signed with he old name or with the new name.  My initials did not change either.

When I worked retail I told everyone it was to help me decipher doctor handwriting on prescriptions.  No idea why or when it got so awful.  I purposely chose a name with the same initials and started signing with just those even before I started HRT. 
One thing I didn't do was practice writing my signature with new full name so actually hesitated the first time I was legally able to sign Tonya.  Estrogen has not improved my handwriting. Still bad so my first name in my signature usually either looks like "Toya" or "Tanya" . I practically have to print it to make it read "Tonya".

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My new name is very similar to my old one. Possibly too similar. I have a theory that allowing my neighbors to call me "Steph" instead of the old name (you can guess what it was) wasn't enough to trigger in their heads that they should be using different pronouns. A couple guys in particular just can't seem to get it right, to the point that they've gotten defensive about it and seem to have quit trying. I'm thinking that if I'd picked a completely different feminine name, they might have had an easier time of it.

Stephanie

I'm trying to decide on a new name to change to legally.
My birth name seems awkward to feminize, so I have been using "Maddie" in the apt building and small town I moved to 3 years ago. Also use it as preferred name when asked by health professionals, and for this online forum.

During this 3 year test run, I have noticed that many people get it wrong and call me "Matt". No doubt there are many things about my inconsistent voice and presentation that contribute to being misnamed.


So I have been collecting bullet proof female name ideas that are difficult for others to shape back into a male name for me. Looking for one to fit me and feel right.

Glad that you are happy with your birth name for your transition.

My birth name was Randall but I have been called Randy almost all of my life.  I found it convenient to feminize that to Randi.  That has pluses and minuses.  I think it helps keep my life together as a coherent whole, but there is certainly something to be said for a new name and a fresh start.  I am finding that keeping the past without being a prisoner of it is tricky.

Quote from: randim on April 10, 2019, 09:43:19 AM
My birth name was Randall but I have been called Randy almost all of my life.  I found it convenient to feminize that to Randi.  That has pluses and minuses.  I think it helps keep my life together as a coherent whole, but there is certainly something to be said for a new name and a fresh start.  I am finding that keeping the past without being a prisoner of it is tricky.

Does being addressed as Randi, rather than Randy, feel any different?

Quote from: randim on April 10, 2019, 09:43:19 AMI am finding that keeping the past without being a prisoner of it is tricky.

Exactly, Randi! I did some pretty cool things in the past that the new friends I've been making (who only know the new me) would be interested in hearing about. Most of them are safe because there aren't too many records online that they can check that would "blow my cover," so to speak. But there are things that are off limits that have me editing my conversations in real-time. For instance, I almost told someone the other day that as an Eagle Scout, I was taught to always be prepared. Whoa, girl, you can't say that! There were no girl Eagle Scouts in the 70s!

Another interesting thing is that lately as I think about the things I've done in the past, my brain is committing some revisionist history. I remember myself doing them - as my new self. My brain is slowly editing "him" out of my memories. I'm perfectly okay with that!

Stephanie

Quote from: Maddie on April 10, 2019, 10:04:14 AM
Does being addressed as Randi, rather than Randy, feel any different?

Yes, although I'm not really out so I am not addressed as "Randi" that much.  My mind's eye knows my therapist is saying it with an "i".  I book my haircuts online under Randi, so when the staff at the salon say my name it feels like they are saying it with an "i". I am starting to sign checks and card receipts as Randi.  That all does feel different.  When someone I am not out to (most people) say my name, I am assuming "Randy" and it doesn't feel different.  Does that make sense?

Quote from: Steph2.0 on April 10, 2019, 10:04:17 AM

Another interesting thing is that lately as I think about the things I've done in the past, my brain is committing some revisionist history. I remember myself doing them - as my new self. My brain is slowly editing "him" out of my memories. I'm perfectly okay with that!

Stephanie

That sounds a lot like when people become immersed in a new language, at some point they start to think in that language.  (Or so I've heard.  I barely speak English.  :D )

Thank you Randi.
You do make sense.

Quote from: Ryuichi13 on April 10, 2019, 12:32:51 AM
Oh man, I don't know where you live, but here in the US, it's not very expensive to legally change your name.  Maybe around a couple hundred dollars.  I changed everything as well, except for my birth certificate.  Unfortunately, I live in one of the three states where they won't do so, but there's a lawsuit challenging that law.  I'm following it, since it will impact whether or not I change my name in my home state.  ugh.  Stupid politicians being bullies and gatekeepers, it's not fun.  >:(

Ryuichi

Clearly, you don't live in California!  ;D

To file the name change docs in court costs $435. The certified copies you need cost another $125. Birth certificate was something like $60. The passport with this that and the other fee was nearly $300. The drivers license was $35. Global Entry $25. Various permits and licenses were about $250 total. (The stinking NAUI card was $45 by itself!)

I would guess the name change was more than $1000, plus at least 100 hours of time, which was tougher to part with than the money.

Probably, if you are smart, you find a way to do gender and name all at the same time. I wish I had been smart. Instead I was impatient...

Kate

Quote from: KatieP on April 10, 2019, 10:30:44 AM
Clearly, you don't live in California!  ;D

To file the name change docs in court costs $435. The certified copies you need cost another $125. Birth certificate was something like $60. The passport with this that and the other fee was nearly $300. The drivers license was $35. Global Entry $25. Various permits and licenses were about $250 total. (The stinking NAUI card was $45 by itself!)

I would guess the name change was more than $1000, plus at least 100 hours of time, which was tougher to part with than the money.

Probably, if you are smart, you find a way to do gender and name all at the same time. I wish I had been smart. Instead I was impatient...

Kate

Not much different in Florida.  I calculate with roughly $1000 for what I can think of that  needs to be done.  Who knows what I will discover later that will cost some additional money?  I have no idea how some poor sou with minimal income would be able to effort this!  This and all the extra transition related costs take quite a bit of the money away I was stashing away for a rainy day!

If it works for you, it works! However, for me, it can't. I despise my birth name, everything about it. For god's sake, its meaning is "manly".  :'( There are feminine versions of it, but I don't want them. They still mean "manly". I'd love to get as far away from my birth name as possible. I'd settle for a name with the same first letter, but that is it. lol

Thanks for all these replies!

I'm overwhelmed by the positivity in here. Also, listening to all of your life stories and keeping such a positive attitude is really motivating!

I'll keep you updated, once the appointment is done

Quote from: KatieP on April 10, 2019, 10:30:44 AM
Clearly, you don't live in California!  ;D

To file the name change docs in court costs $435. The certified copies you need cost another $125. Birth certificate was something like $60. The passport with this that and the other fee was nearly $300. The drivers license was $35. Global Entry $25. Various permits and licenses were about $250 total. (The stinking NAUI card was $45 by itself!)

I would guess the name change was more than $1000, plus at least 100 hours of time, which was tougher to part with than the money.

Probably, if you are smart, you find a way to do gender and name all at the same time. I wish I had been smart. Instead I was impatient...

Kate

Wow, I'm glad mine wasn't that much. Legal name change was $125 plus the publication cost of $70 (requirement in NM). NY birth certificate was free (but took 8 weeks to get it completed and mailed to me). I need to get a passport yet (my old one expired years ago). DL was $36 (and 3 titles were $5 each, not renewed, just reissued). I haven't done it yet, but my diploma will cost $25. I don't have any other license or certificates. I'd ballpark it at  $250 total.

On the other hand, my health insurance through work doesn't cover trans related healthcare. Two years out of pocket cost: therapy (partially covered as my therapist bills it as depression) $1000, hormones $4200, orchiectomy (plus travel and lodging) $4000.

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Wow that's super cheap! I haven't done it because everyone just abides anyway. Here it's supposedly $250. That's super cool! I'm liking seeing the stories, too.

I am going to keep my name how it is. It is a male name, but friends will call me Vicki.