Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Quote from: Jayne01 on September 10, 2018, 05:14:15 AM
WOW!!!! Stephanie, you look amazing! That is an awesome photo and yes, it should be your new avatar.

So happy you had such a great weekend. It's a joy to follow along on your journey.

Hugs,
Jayne

Aww, thank you, Jayne. And don't think that just because I don't comment much, that I'm not following and taking joy in your latest accomplishments! You're killin' it, girl!

BTW, if you look closely at some of the pics, you'll see I'm back to the lavender nail polish we talked about so long ago...


Stephanie

Quote from: Donica on September 10, 2018, 07:46:53 AM
Lovely pictures Stephanie! Oh yes! Isn't it wonderful to have our own things to fill our clothes :D. I love your new avatar! I hope the week and next weekend goes just as well.

Hugs,
Donica.

You're a sweetheart, Donica. Thank you!


Stephanie

Lest anyone think that life is just a wonderful bowl of cherries and everything always goes perfectly, here are a few things that have happened lately that show that life has a way of balancing things out.

D has always been one of my most steadfast supporters in my close-knit neighborhood, and she and next door neighbors J and G are the rocks that stabilize my social life here. Well, out of the blue on Thursday, Sue asked me whether I'd received a text message from D. She had sent text invitations to all the women in the neighborhood for an ongoing card game night at her house that she was putting together (something called Bunco). She made a point that she was inviting every woman she knew, because she had to have at least sixteen to make it work.

And I received nothing. It seemed I'd been deliberately excluded. I would have texted or called to ask about it, but since I hadn't even been officially notified, it seemed that I wasn't supposed to even know about it, so I didn't feel I had the right to say anything. I was completely devastated. Had she decided I really didn't count as a woman? What had I done wrong? Had I offended her? Why had she withdrawn the support I leaned on? I had a terrible meltdown, and I couldn't do a thing about it.

Early Friday morning I got an email from her. Apparently Sue had sent a short email to her to tell her what her exclusion had done to me. She wrote back, apologizing profusely, and told me that leaving me out had nothing to do with her complete acceptance and encouragement of me as a woman. It was to protect me from the rest of the group she was inviting - the majority of whom were in her Sunday school class at her church. This was so outside any possibility for me that it was hard to believe.

That morning I walked down to her house, and we sat on her swing and talked for at least an hour. She is quite religious, and, though I can't remember this, had asked me once whether I believe in God. I had told her I did not, but I consider myself to be a secular humanist, and live my life under an ethical code that says I will show respect to anyone who does the same for me. I also do not discuss my personal beliefs unless specifically asked - respectfully - about them, since I don't believe it's anyone's right to attempt to force their views on anyone else.

Apparently I am the only one in her circle of friends who isn't religious to some extent or another, though she wasn't sure about Sue (who agrees with me) and was going to warn her about her friends before the first get-together. She had decided that I was in a fragile state as I'm transitioning, and didn't want to subject me to what would happen when some of her friends found out I was atheist (she used "agnostic" but I'm not sure she understands the meaning). She said it was dead certain that if some of them found out I was atheist, they would turn a fun meeting into a tent revival and attempt to convert me.

I was stunned. I understand that their beliefs are part of their identity, but would they truly tear apart a fun social event to browbeat someone into their belief system? What kind of people are incapable of showing a little respect for other views? It's no wonder that humans can't get along. There are hundreds or even thousands of different, and in some cases, conflicting beliefs on this planet, and a potential friend immediately becomes the enemy as soon as it's realized they don't think exactly like you? Where is tolerance? Respect? Love?

All I could do is thank her for attempting to protect me. If she had said something about this in her initial message, and at least included me, I wouldn't have had such a bad night. Yes, I should be able to shrug off such things as being excluded, even if the reason was I'm trans, and if it had been anyone else, it would have been a lot easier.

We talked more about my transition, which she still is 100% supportive of - her grandson is FTM, so she's no stranger to the concept - and after hugs I walked back home, mentally shaking my head at the state of humanity. I won't be attending her parties. As you know, I had my own party later that night (which D had declined an invitation to, considering it was an hour and a half drive from home) which was so wonderful that it counteracted the previous terrible day, and then some.

Today a few other things happened that got me down, though not nearly as devastating as Thursday's incident. First was a return call to a member of our flying club, who joined after I had gone full time and was voted back in as president. He only knows me as Stephanie, unlike every other member of the club. He had commented before that he thought it was cool that the club was run by women, and had so many female members. I called him back on a number he was unfamiliar with, and using my best voice, asked for him by name. He replied, "Yes, sir." I uncomfortably laughed it off, told him it was ma'am, actually, then told him who I was, and went on with the conversation. He didn't even seem to notice, and being the gregarious type, told me a long story about why he'd called, and we had a decent conversation. But darn, I thought I was starting to get the voice figured out. I had decided when I called that I didn't want to push it too far, considering that he'd heard my voice in person a lot by now, and I didn't want to sound too different. I guess I can't allow myself to relax at all on it. (I do have a positive phone voice experience I'll tell in another post.) Anyway, that was the first thing to make me unhappy.

Then I ran into another roadblock. Tomorrow I have a Skype consultation with the guy who does hair grafts at FacialTeam. I expect he'll want to get closeups of my scalp and hairline, so I hooked up a wired camera to my laptop, which usually uses the built-in camera.

I'm used to seeing myself from in front, and generally speaking I'm pretty satisfied with my progress. But while setting up and testing the camera, I had to look at myself from terribly unflattering angles. I realized that that's what most people are seeing, and it completely trashed my self-confidence. That, following closely on the voice fail, had me close to tears this evening.

A combination of things made me feel better, though I'm still not back to 100%. First was Cassie and I did a video chat, and as always, she was finally able to pull a smile out of me. I don't know what I'd do without her. The other thing was I forced myself to go back and read the other posts I've written here in the last week, to remind myself that I'm actually doing okay, despite my deficiencies. And as Cassie pointed out, the deficiencies I have are exactly why I'm having these consultations. I'm working hard to address them.

It's just that when I get to feeling that bad, instead of being told that "I'll get there some day," what I really need to hear is someone telling me that I actually am "already there" for one thing or another. Being reminded that I'll be right some time in the undefined future just highlights that I'm not right now.

But I'll be okay. I suppose downs are inevitable after all the ups I've had lately, and I guess it might be helpful to folks just getting started to know that even those who have made some progress have bad days, too.

Stephanie

Back to happier stories.

My birthday last Monday just happened to fall on the night of a group support meeting I attend occasionally. Cassie and I went, and J (who would attend my birthday party on Friday) brought a cake for me. It's not a large group, so we each got a chance to talk for a bit, while the others pigged out on chocolate cake. It was so nice that she thought of me.

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After the meetings we usually all go out to dinner, but for some reason that fell apart, so Cassie and I went on our own. We ended up with the same waitress on whom we'd practiced "channelling Tia" way back in March. We had been impressed with the way the staff at the Breakfast Club in Phoenix had remembered and welcomed Tia back every time we went, and we had vowed to follow her example of warm interaction with everyone around her. It worked. Roxanne remembered almost all of our conversation six months ago, and we had another good one that night. When she found out it was my birthday (someone whose initials are "Cassie" let the cat out of the bag, but of course, being a perfectly sane cat lady, that's her duty) she tried to force even more cake on us, which we politely and repeatedly declined. As an experiment, though, I asked her how old she thought I was. Even with my rough skin and thinning hair, she pegged me at 48. I'll take it!

So that was pretty cool, but the best was when my mom called to wish me a happy birthday while we were eating. I put on my voice as I always try to do, and said hello. Pause. "Is this Sue?" Ha! No, it's your daughter Stephanie. It took a while to convince her she was talking to me, and I was not going to let the old voice in to convince her, especially since our waitress was nearby. I guess it's something when you fool your own mother on the phone.

So it worked out to be a pretty nice night. Whether anyone else actually reads it here, it's the kind of thing I like to put into writing so I can look back on it as a reminder of good times when days like today happen.

Stephanie

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
On your recent update post you stated:

Quote
..... But I'll be okay. I suppose downs are inevitable after all the ups I've had lately, and I guess it might be helpful to folks just getting started to know that even those who have made some progress have bad days, too.

This is called real life and it is very good that you stated what you did....  yes indeed, we all have our bad days, even the most successful people with the most positive things happening in their lives... 
It is important for all of us to understand that real life concept...
....thank you for so clearly bringing that to light in your postings

Wow-whee, your newest photos are fantastic and your Avatar/Profile picture is a picture of a very beautiful woman....  your transition goals in just 15 months of HRT are being wonderfully achieved.... and there is more coming your way as you continue.

Thank you for continuing sharing your life and transition journey will all of us.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

There's a lot to cover in here, Steph. I'll stick with commiseration and empathication (made that up but apparently there's lots of hits in google) and elation .. simply because I'm horrendous at replying to anything.

couple things though:

QuoteIt's just that when I get to feeling that bad, instead of being told that "I'll get there some day," what I really need to hear is someone telling me that I actually am "already there" for one thing or another. Being reminded that I'll be right some time in the undefined future just highlights that I'm not right now.

I'm right there with you. I'm still 99% guy but in the right lighting I make it to 80%.
(percentiles pulled out of my nether regions because I can)
I think my percentiles beat yours ... I also think I'd rather be losing on this one :(

---

Quotewould they truly tear apart a fun social event to browbeat someone into their belief system? What kind of people are incapable of showing a little respect for other views? It's no wonder that humans can't get along. There are hundreds or even thousands of different, and in some cases, conflicting beliefs on this planet, and a potential friend immediately becomes the enemy as soon as it's realized they don't think exactly like you? Where is tolerance? Respect? Love?

Yes, they would. I know this first-hand. I am fortunate in that I have also met the flip side. Know that not all devout religious types follow such stringent close-minded thinking. I happen to be married to one.

Dear Stephanie!

It's ironic that it always seem to be the religious folks that have the most trouble with us. They are supposed to be supportive and non judgemental but it is they that are the worst. I lost a long time friend after coming out to him, who wasn't even religious until the last 7 years of our friendship. The silliest thing is, we are still the same people they have always known. The only difference is that they now know we are trans. I stand with you in that I couldn't ever be a part of that kind of religinion. It's sad that this type of thing exist.

As for Pictures,,,,,  ::) They always say the camera adds 10 pounds, and maybe it does, but the biggest this is that the lighting is never the same as when we look in the mirror. I can't stand my face in pictures but I do think I look better in the mirror.

I can speak intelligently about a feminine voice as my first visit with a voice therapist is next wednesday. However, I have been practicing with YouTube videos for over a year. It is the most difficult part of my transitioning. As you mentioned, You can't allow yourself to relax at all.

I promise to never tell you "you will get there some day" as you really are already there. Your warm, fun and kind words have been a big inspiration to me through my transitioning. Thanks for being there.

Hugs Stephanie!!!
Donica.

Stephanie, I am sorry that life sucker-punched you a couple of times.  Still, when your own mother doesn't recognize your voice, you know you are rockin' it!  Hang in there, hun!

Steph, I I am reminded of your wonderful yodeling story -- you are doing great and are an inspiration to so many of us!

As for the non-invitation, welcome to the club! Every little (or teenage) girl has experienced this. Not that you want it, but what happened, and your reaction to it are quintessentially female. I'm glad you and D could talk it out, which is the domain of adults. Little girls usually don't know how to heal that way.

Continue to be strong as you regularly show us how to be.
Randy

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 10, 2018, 11:49:18 PM
....So that was pretty cool, but the best was when my mom called to wish me a happy birthday while we were eating. I put on my voice as I always try to do, and said hello. Pause. "Is this Sue?" Ha! No, it's your daughter Stephanie. It took a while to convince her she was talking to me, and I was not going to let the old voice in to convince her, especially since our waitress was nearby. I guess it's something when you fool your own mother on the phone.


....
Stephanie

Sounds like your voice is coming along really well. Its a testament to your progress that your Mum could not recognise your voice.


Great Photo's


Liz

Thank you for the kind and insightful replies! Things have improved in surprising ways since I last reported in.

First, and most surprising of all, I got an email Tuesday afternoon from D - formally inviting me to her Bunco get-together! This was a bit of a shock, of course, and since I'd be seeing her later that evening, I sent her a text that I'd like to talk for a few minutes then. As you may recall, once she'd told me the reason for excluding me in the first place, I'd decided it wasn't in anyones interest to have me there. But we'd talk about that later.

That night was our monthly flying club meeting. The restaurant we have our meetings in had changed hands, so there was all new staff. I had long ago given up toning down my presentation for the members of the club - I've been out to them for nearly a year, so they should be used to seeing their female president presenting 100% as herself by now. Other than a couple of inadvertent misgendering incidents from one member sitting across from me the evening went smoothly. The few members who have never met the old me weren't there, and the waitress didn't hear, so no big deal. I asked her to please be careful, and outlined the pronouns she should be using, and she embarrassingly apologized and promised to do better.

After the meeting I went aside with D to talk about her invitation. I told her that after her explanation I was a bit apprehensive about accepting. She said that she'd been thinking and praying a lot about it, and came to the conclusion that it would all be fine, and she really wanted me to come. I told her what my plan would be if things got uncomfortable, and finally decided to give it a try. Now that the decision is made, I'm excited to see how I fit in with all the other women. I have no plans to out myself, so it should be an ultimate test of passing. I've read up on the rules of Bunco, and there is an immense amount of social interaction with many different people, so it's a bit outside the comfort zone of this old introvert, but if I can do it, it could be another big step forward out of my shell. The first one is on September 28th.

In other news:

I had a Skype consultation with the hair transplant specialist at FacialTeam on Tuesday morning. It went well until someone started up a jackhammer right next to where he was sitting outside in the beautiful Spanish coast weather. But I did learn that while the transplants are great for filling in the receding areas, adding transplants to areas where there is already existing growth - in an attempt to increase density - will kill the hair already there. He suggested other ways to increase density, including continuing the finasteride and minoxidil I'm already using (with a possible shift to dutasteride later), platelet rich plasma (PRP), scalp massage, and laser treatments. He uses the FUT "strip" method, so he demonstrated exercises to do to stretch the scalp and increase elasticity of the donor area. The more the scalp can be stretched, the larger the donor strip that can be removed, and the more follicles that can be harvested. He also sent me a drawing showing where he would be implanting the follicles.

On Wednesday I had yet another Skype consultation with a cosmetic surgeon not associated with FacialTeam, but with whom they work a lot. He uses their facilities often for his procedures. He again confirmed what I'd already been told: face lift, neck lift, removing fat from my jowls, and adding a little fat to my cheeks, lips, and possibly the point of my chin. Relatively minor stuff - just what any woman my age would need. Despite warnings from FacialTeam that those procedures would have to wait six months after theirs, he thought it would be no problem doing them while I was already there. He'll be checking and letting me know. It would be awesome to get it all done in one trip and move on with my life. We'll see. At this point I'm waiting for his quote.

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Ready for the consultation!

I've mentioned my aging dog here a few times. Maggie is going on 15 years old, and I was starting to worry that she was getting thin. She has a ongoing problem with her anal glands, so I took her in to the vet a few weeks ago to get them expressed, and when they weighed her I found that she was down almost eight pounds from the 35 pounds that she's consistently weighed for most of her life. So I set up an appointment for her to see if there was anything seriously wrong, and Sue and I took her in today. While I was of course myself when I took her in two weeks ago, I didn't have any interaction with anyone but the lady at the front desk. Today I was not only going to have a prolonged appointment with a technician and a doctor, but Sue was also along. I had originally planned to go alone, and when she asked to go, too, I got a little anxious, for two reasons. First, I'm still trying to get a handle on how to present our relationship as two women. Second, I'm still fighting to get over my extreme self-consciousness around her about using my voice. This is a roadblock I'm having a very hard time getting around. In any case, I got myself looking good in a casual way, loaded Maggie into the RocketSkate, and blasted off to the vet.

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Ready to Rocket off to the vet.

We talked in-depth with the tech, who I hadn't met before, she gave Maggie a good once-over, then a doctor I've never seen before came in. It was decided that she was actually the Fairy Godmother from Shrek. That's who she looked like. She was pretty cool though, and decided to do a chest x-ray and blood and stool tests. While I was holding Maggie on the counter, the technician was at her head saying soothing things, and I heard, "Don't worry, if you jump out of your mama's arms, I'll catch you before you hit the floor." We were literally inches from each other, sometimes touching, and she had no idea. Squeeee!!

The tests all came back negative, and the doctor was quite pleased with the results, which was a huge relief. I had a hard time holding back tears. She gave recommendations for changing her diet, and when I went up to pay the lady said "Thank you ma'am" when I handed over my credit card. Apparently my presentation and voice was good enough, and between the way I was treated and Maggie's diagnosis, I was a pretty happy camper.

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My Maggie.

When I got home I changed into my working clothes, put on my cute straw sunhat, and mowed the yard. When I was done I got a shower, then again indulged my dream of lounging in a sundress for the evening. I have had another one for a very long time, but was terrified to wear it because I was sure that the thin straps would never work with my wide shoulders. But I figured nobody was going to see me, so why not try? And, well... OMG. I'll let you be the final judge, but when I sent her a picture, @SassyCassie sent me a video clip of her saying "Oh, WOW!"

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Strappy sundress.

There have been other things going on the last couple of days that aren't so happy, but this isn't the place to discuss them. But as @Alaskan Danielle pointed out, that's life, and generally speaking, it's been a reasonably good couple of days. I hope yours has been good, too. Here's a toast to all my friends on Susan's.

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Cheers!

Stephanie

I hope she doesn't mind if I steal one of her thoughts and expand on it here as regards my own transition, but my BFF @SassyCassie posted this on her own thread, and it got me thinking:

QuoteWhat you said makes me wonder if this is what it feels like to get a different kind of affirmation. Guy friends who actually perceive me as a woman in mind body and spirit and as such, feel like there's no longer a connection. I remember at first when I came out to my friends, one by one, that I told them, "I'll still be me". In a relatively short span, that changed slightly into "I'll still be me - just a kinder, gentler version of me."

After a while I stopped using it entirely because I felt like I was wrong. I am a different person from before.

@Michelle_P also wrote about this:

QuoteYes!  This is something I have seen in others of us as we complete our psychological/social transitions and settle into our new lives.  They are NEW lives, not lived by the old rules and habits we had when trying to pass as that which we were not.

Being our authentic selves is liberating, and we have the chance to seize life, not as something to be carefully planned and plotted but to be lived!

I, too, had used the line, "I'll still be me," and I did truly believe it. But it seems that, not the transitioning itself, but the strength and resolve that I was required to find within myself to carry it through successfully, has changed my perception of everything. And that has changed who I am and the way I interact with the world.

No longer am I willing to accept the status quo; to "go along to get along." My horizons were so narrow, my life so confining, my entire being so compromised in service to comfort and safety. Without even truly realizing it, I had put my thirst for learning new things, for excitement, for adventure, for discovering things that awe, on the back burner to satisfy the expectations of others. I realize now that I had allowed myself to waste my young adulthood and early middle age living the retired rocking-chair lifestyle (albeit, with work thrown in). Here I am, arrived at the the time of life when many people are thinking about starting to live as I have for the last 30 years, and I have a craving to make up for lost time.

I fear that this will mean scary changes, small and large, in both short and long-term relationships. Those who have had little problem accepting my transition may have a harder time dealing with what they're likely to perceive as a fundamental change in my personality as I embrace reawakened needs. There are already ominous rumblings over the horizon.

As for relationships with my old male friends, I do seem to see some distancing, though I acknowledge that it may be on my part as much as theirs. In the old days as I would walk Maggie around the neighborhood I'd stop at each man-cave, catch up on each guy's projects, and talk about what I was working on. I had enough trouble mustering interest in the old days (puleeze don't talk to me about your sports teams yet again, and no, I really don't want a Bud Light, thanks). Now I find myself living in a halfway state, where I have an even harder time showing interest in their stereotypically male obsessions at the same time I'm wondering what the women are up to. The recent invitation to a game night is the very first time I've been involved with something exclusively for women, except for the time when I organized a ladies night out myself. Generally speaking, I'm feeling a little left out of social events in the neighborhood as the men decide I don't fit in with their interests, and most of the women don't seem to regard me as one of them yet. I find myself leaving the neighborhood in search of social interaction, which just increases the distance around home. There are neighborhood-wide events where I'm not excluded, but smaller impromptu sit-down-and-chat sessions with the women don't include me.

I'm not particularly brought down by all this, and I'm hopeful that eventually things will evolve until I'm just another woman around here, and as Cassie talked about, maybe some day those friendships with Steve that have been strained by my new-found self-awareness, will end up as strong with Stephanie - assuming my personal evolution doesn't dictate that I pull up stakes and surrender to a call of greener pastures elsewhere.

I'm just stating facts, I guess, and getting it out there that this kind of thing is probably an inevitable part of transitioning.


Stephanie

All so true. I am ¿lucky? in that I didn't have any male friends to end up distanced from. I do seem to, however, have accumulated lots of new girl friends and a couple of associated male friends.

Lori gets the brunt of the "I'm still me" type comments. I try to state it as, "I'm trying to be a better me" or "I'm trying to let out the me that I think you fell in love with"  Jury is still out on how well that's working. Overall she likes the new me much better. It's the loss of the perceived male that she's having trouble with.

---

ps.
nice photos.
my anti-typing issue prevented me from saying anything before even though I saw them immediately.

Thanks for the discussion about "I'm still me." I'm actually trying to change "me" as much as anything physical. I am fostering my softer, more caring and perceptive side, such as it is.
Thanks, Randy

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Quote from: RandyL on September 14, 2018, 10:43:34 AM
Thanks for the discussion about "I'm still me." I'm actually trying to change "me" as much as anything physical. I am fostering my softer, more caring and perceptive side, such as it is.

Hi Randy, thank you for reading!

I haven't been able to figure out whether these changes are something I'm doing purposely, or whether they're occurring naturally as I allow my inherent nature to surface. In any case, to the world outside my head, it looks the same. "Our old acquaintance is changing much more than their gender. I'm not sure who they are any more."

I guess that's okay. I'm realizing that my path doesn't have to take into account what other people expect of me any more.

I'm sure you feel it, too.

Stephanie

The phone alerted me to an incoming call (we really can't say the phone rang any more, can we?). Caller ID showed it to be a guy I'd done some work for in the past, and who had become a friend.  We'd always had an easy, bantering, joking friendship, but time slipped away and I hadn't talked to him for about three years.

I let his call go to voice mail, then texted him:

Quote
Me: Hi R. I got your message. I'd like to talk with you but I have what might sound like a strange question first. I think I know the answer, but do you consider yourself to be pretty open-minded? I have some news about myself that you might find a bit shocking.

R: Not shocking to me as long as you don't pat me on the butt.

Me:  Not happening. Okay, here's the news. Last spring I was officially diagnosed with something I've known about all my life and was terrified to acknowledge. I am transgender. Since last December I am Stephanie Rhapsody Bensinger and I haven't been happier. How is that for a surprise? And believe me, this is not a joke...

The phone immediately "rang."

I answered, and heard, "Hey Stephanie. How are you doing?"

A half hour of explanations, reminiscing, and updates later, we said bye, but not before he commented that I wasn't all that good looking as a guy, so he had his doubts. I vowed to send him some pictures.

I sent him four of my favorites, all of which have been posted here in my thread, and I got back:

Quote
R: Not bad for an old girl

Me: You smooth talker you. Maybe I *will* pat your butt.

If you think I look good now, check back in a year. Big changes are coming.

Seriously, thanks for being cool. It was great to talk with you.

Yes, people are cool.


Stephanie

Wow Stephanie! You have been very busy with your thread. I appreciated your post about "I'll still be me". As you know, I just used it in an earlier post on your thread. This has me deep in thought and I need to rethink a few things.

That phone call from your old friend was nice. I glad your friend are handling this so well.

Thanks Stephanie!
Hugs,
Donica.

Vignettes

The guy called to tell me he was on his way to replace the windshield in the RocketSkate that had recently been damaged by a rock. After I hung up, the first thought that occurred to me was, "Wait, I'm going to be alone here with a strange guy working in my garage. What if he tries something? Can I defend myself?" The second thought I had was, "Wow, what a definitively female thing to think!" The fact that the thought occurred to me naturally really made me realize how much I've changed.

...

Everything was fine with the technician, except he didn't have all the right parts for my particular car. He pointed out that the windshield could actually be repaired instead of replaced. We had a long conversation about it and he didn't blink an eye at my presentation. He said, "I can call my boss and just tell him that she would rather fix it than replace it." It took me a millisecond to realize, wait, he's talking about me! The squeee started in my head. When I agreed to get it repaired, he called his boss to set up a new appointment, and I literally lost count of the number of times I heard "she" and "her." "She would rather get it repaired." "We need to set up a new appointment for her." And on and on. The pressure was building. We shook on it and he left so I could go inside and do a happy dance.

...

We flew to breakfast again this morning. My neighbor B with the airliner-sized plane (that seats four) took neighbors M and her husband G, who had moved to the outside edge of the neighborhood a few years ago, but who I had never met. I have no idea whether they know my story, though B managed to misgender me then correct himself in front of them. I didn't react. And as we talked over breakfast, when M found out I build airplanes her eyes opened wide and she said, "You GO, girl!!" Later she said something about how cool it was that a woman builds planes.

...

A simple thing, but affirming. As I paid for breakfast, the cashier complimented me on my nail color.

...

All of that pretty much made up for the radio conversation on the way in. B mentioned to another plane that was approaching, "You've got another plane in the pattern (referring to me). He's on downwind now." To which the other plane replied, "Yes, I heard him on the radio." Sigh. I was really working the voice, too. I guess I need to go way over the top when on the phone or radio. I use the same voice in person and don't seem to have any problem.

But despite that, on balance it's been a pretty good day.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 15, 2018, 12:22:32 PM
> Sigh. I was really working the voice, too. I guess I need to go way over the top when on the phone or radio. I use the same voice in person and don't seem to have any problem.

This is exactly the problem I have.  I resorted to vocal surgery, that takes up to to a year for everything to settle in and my voice is better than before but... I get misgendered on the phone.  I need to improve not just pitch but inflection, resonance and other pesky habits developed over a bunch of years.  I knew that before VFS but I need to work harder.  In person, people subconsciously identify gender by combining a bunch of details they see and hear.  When people can only hear and not see their awareness is totally different. 

In the 1970s the best piano tuner north of Seattle was a blind person.  He was in high demand as he could quickly tune a piano to perfection without the distraction of the visual world. 

Wonderful update Stephanie. I know, right! How cool is that! I finally started calling my self Donica in my thoughts. Yes, I mean talking to my self. Hay, they now say it's a sign of intelligence. In a thought about defending myself, I bought a can of pepper spray because if someone started something, I would not be able to defend myself.

I don't know what to say about being misgendered on the phone and radio. I still get misgendered even standing right in front of them in a dress? I do have my first voice therapy appointment next week. I was wondering how/what are you doing to practicing/work on your voice to help feminize?

Donica.

Quote from: Kendra on September 15, 2018, 12:33:21 PM
This is exactly the problem I have.  I resorted to vocal surgery, that takes up to to a year for everything to settle in and my voice is better than before but... I get misgendered on the phone.  I need to improve not just pitch but inflection, resonance and other pesky habits developed over a bunch of years.  I knew that before VFS but I need to work harder.  In person, people subconsciously identify gender by combining a bunch of details they see and hear.  When people can only hear and not see their awareness is totally different. 

In the 1970s the best piano tuner north of Seattle was a blind person.  He was in high demand as he could quickly tune a piano to perfection without the distraction of the visual world.

Well, that's it then. Nothing but video calls for me for now on.

[quote
@Michelle_P also wrote about this:

I, too, had used the line, "I'll still be me," and I did truly believe it. But it seems that, not the transitioning itself, but the strength and resolve that I was required to find within myself to carry it through successfully, has changed my perception of everything. And that has changed who I am and the way I interact with the world.

No longer am I willing to accept the status quo; to "go along to get along." My horizons were so narrow, my life so confining, my entire being so compromised in service to comfort and safety. Without even truly realizing it, I had put my thirst for learning new things, for excitement, for adventure, for discovering things that awe, on the back burner to satisfy the expectations of others. I realize now that I had allowed myself to waste my young adulthood and early middle age living the retired rocking-chair lifestyle (albeit, with work thrown in). Here I am, arrived at the the time of life when many people are thinking about starting to live as I have for the last 30 years, and I have a craving to make up for lost time.

I fear that this will mean scary changes, small and large, in both short and long-term relationships. Those who have had little problem accepting my transition may have a harder time dealing with what they're likely to perceive as a fundamental change in my personality as I embrace reawakened needs. There are already ominous rumblings over the horizon.

As for relationships with my old male friends, I do seem to see some distancing, though I acknowledge that it may be on my part as much as theirs. In the old days as I would walk Maggie around the neighborhood I'd stop at each man-cave, catch up on each guy's projects, and talk about what I was working on. I had enough trouble mustering interest in the old days (puleeze don't talk to me about your sports teams yet again, and no, I really don't want a Bud Light, thanks). Now I find myself living in a halfway state, where I have an even harder time showing interest in their stereotypically male obsessions at the same time I'm wondering what the women are up to. The recent invitation to a game night is the very first time I've been involved with something exclusively for women, except for the time when I organized a ladies night out myself. Generally speaking, I'm feeling a little left out of social events in the neighborhood as the men decide I don't fit in with their interests, and most of the women don't seem to regard me as one of them yet. I find myself leaving the neighborhood in search of social interaction, which just increases the distance around home. There are neighborhood-wide events where I'm not excluded, but smaller impromptu sit-down-and-chat sessions with the women don't include me.

I'm not particularly brought down by all this, and I'm hopeful that eventually things will evolve until I'm just another woman around here, and as Cassie talked about, maybe some day those friendships with Steve that have been strained by my new-found self-awareness, will end up as strong with Stephanie - assuming my personal evolution doesn't dictate that I pull up stakes and surrender to a call of greener pastures elsewhere.

I'm just stating facts, I guess, and getting it out there that this kind of thing is probably an inevitable part of transitioning.


Stephanie
[/quote]

When I was out with Michelle, I told her when I look at men I think " I do not want to be like them!"
I don't like their social norms, I don't like the swagger, I don't like the typical misogyny.
I've long been avoiding neighborhood man caves.  And if it's beer they offer, it better be "crafted"!

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Quote from: Jessica on September 15, 2018, 02:32:42 PM
When I was out with Michelle, I told her when I look at men I think " I do not want to be like them!"
I don't like their social norms, I don't like the swagger, I don't like the typical misogyny.
I've long been avoiding neighborhood man caves.  And if it's beer they offer, it better be "crafted"!

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Yeah, that's what I told our couples therapist the other day. I just don't want to be identified with all that "male" seems to bring to the table. I want to be on the female side...

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Back on the male/female voice thingy,I've noticed that transitioners focus too much IMHO on pitch and ignore prosody and feminine speech structure.

I know several gals who have had "feminizing" voice surgery, most successful, to raise pitch. They all sound like guys with a high pitched voice, having blown off the speech therapy assuming pitch was enough.

Prosody includes the speech rhythms, almost singing, the different use of pitch (no male flat effect), flat to up pitch on phrase ends rather than male downpitch, more sibliance, more pitch variation, less use of contractions,crisper consonants, and so on. These are ALL elements used unconsciously in speech gendering.

A speech therapist can provide simple exercises to help develop these new patterns of speech. I consider it vital to practice and use these new patterns daily, and constantly, until they become unconscious and automatically THE way we speak.

Using them only occasionally or "in public" and reverting in private means that our default will remain male, and the feminine speech requires conscious and deliberate effort. If we focus on the content of our conversation rather than on the speech we will very likely revert to the default male patterns, and  be misgendered by the listener.

There are women with "male" pitch but female prosody and structure, but they are very unlikely to be misgendered. See Lauren Bacall or Scarlett Johannsen.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Michelle_P on September 15, 2018, 04:19:58 PM
Back on the male/female voice thingy,I've noticed that transitioners focus too much IMHO on pitch and ignore prosody and feminine speech structure.

I know several gals who have had "feminizing" voice surgery, most successful, to raise pitch. They all sound like guys with a high pitched voice, having blown off the speech therapy assuming pitch was enough.

Prosody includes the speech rhythms, almost singing, the different use of pitch (no male flat effect), flat to up pitch on phrase ends rather than male downpitch, more sibliance, more pitch variation, less use of contractions,crisper consonants, and so on. These are ALL elements used unconsciously in speech gendering.

A speech therapist can provide simple exercises to help develop these new patterns of speech. I consider it vital to practice and use these new patterns daily, and constantly, until they become unconscious and automatically THE way we speak.

Using them only occasionally or "in public" and reverting in private means that our default will remain male, and the feminine speech requires conscious and deliberate effort. If we focus on the content of our conversation rather than on the speech we will very likely revert to the default male patterns, and  be misgendered by the listener.

There are women with "male" pitch but female prosody and structure, but they are very unlikely to be misgendered. See Lauren Bacall or Scarlett Johannsen.

All excellent points, Michelle. I'm aware of most of them, and do try to practice them. The hardest by far, though, is never letting myself revert. I am still so painfully self-conscious using my "voice" in front of my wife. I keep telling myself that I need to just do it and she'll have to get used to it, but when at home I feel constantly embarrassed. She keeps telling me my old voice is just fine, and just doesn't get it, so I get no encouragement from that quarter. I need to find a way to keep my courage from failing me so I can move forward. Because you're correct, until it's something I do 100% of the time, it'll never develop into the default voice.

Still working on it...

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 15, 2018, 12:22:32 PM
Vignettes

The guy called to tell me he was on his way to replace the windshield in the RocketSkate that had recently been damaged by a rock. After I hung up, the first thought that occurred to me was, "Wait, I'm going to be alone here with a strange guy working in my garage. What if he tries something? Can I defend myself?" The second thought I had was, "Wow, what a definitively female thing to think!" The fact that the thought occurred to me naturally really made me realize how much I've changed.

..
Stephanie

It's weird when you notice this kind of thinking for the first time. I found /find myself doing it all the time....I went walking the other morning about 7 am and came upon what appeared at first glance in the gloom to be a really Rough looking guy, he seemed to be stopped in the middle of the path appearing in the gloom to be waiting...my first thought was...oh god am I safe...is there a way out....all the time knowing I can only defend myself in a very minor way with not even the option of running....as I approached with all my fight and flight senses ringing alarms...eventually I noticed he wasn't "waiting", in actual fact SHE was hunched slightly forward, headphones in, watching her screen intently and until I was upon her she never new I was there.....Danger 0 self-preservation response 10 paranoia 10!!!

I don't know when it changed but I think I knew on a subconscious level before it became a conscious thought,  when I had reached the stage where physical strength and size no longer were enough protect me. Such a weird feeling and still one I have to think about so I don't end up in crazy dangerous situations....comes under the heading you know your a girl when....

Take care

Liz

Quote from: RandyL on September 15, 2018, 03:53:34 PM
Yeah, that's what I told our couples therapist the other day. I just don't want to be identified with all that "male" seems to bring to the table. I want to be on the female side...

I'm struggling with this, too, Randy. I actually brought it up in therapy myself. Around the house I'm still expected to fill the male role: fix the cars, change the oil, mow the lawn, do anything technical or mechanical. Yes, women do those things, too, but I feel like the expectation is I should be acting as a "handyman." I acknowledge that I have the skills, but it chafes that the role seems to be being forced on me.

Oh well. Someone has to do it.


Stephanie

I physically cannot work on the cars any more beyond routine maintenance (i.e fluid checks). Strange thing. Lori loves to mow the yard. Once I started to transition, her mowing time decreased, I do most of it. I find that when something needs done, I no longer vegetate on the couch and actually go do it. It horrible!!

Lori would do most of the mechanicing if someone showed her how (and strength, some of that crap is TIGHT). She was raised with 'girls don't do that'. She likes to do more 'that's man's work' stuff than I ever did.

I'm in the same boat as Faith except I'm no longer married and I live in an apartment. Before the divorce, I had to spend the extra money for mechanics and landscapers. I bruise pretty easy these days. 

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 17, 2018, 11:54:17 PMI acknowledge that I have the skills, but it chafes that the role seems to be being forced on me.

Any household has a division of labour.  My wife chafes at having to do the cooking and cleaning.  Not that I am unwilling, but she doesn't think I am any good at it. :P  So I do the mowing, snow clearing, critter removal, and all the other "guy" chores.  Yeah, it chafes a bit, but I really have nothing to complain about.  After all, she takes me clothes shopping, and that makes up for a lot.

I think this is one of the biggest struggles for MTF who started transitioning in a relationship. I am also facing the "male expectations". I am going back and forth about it. I do understand why these expectations are still there. For so many years I was the male in the house, did all of the renovations and took care of many things, including most of the lawn mowing. I still enjoy most of these things and I have to admit I missed it over the last two years where I was primarily focused on my transition.

There is the other side of things: Thinking about my wife. She still needs me to be a bit more manly. And we both need it to keep our family together. And this is fine with me. I need to get some more girly work clothes but that will come over time. I guess I have become contempt with this role for the moment.

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 17, 2018, 11:54:17 PM

Quote from: RandyL on September 15, 2018, 03:53:34 PM
Yeah, that's what I told our couples therapist the other day. I just don't want to be identified with all that "male" seems to bring to the table. I want to be on the female side...

I'm struggling with this, too, Randy. I actually brought it up in therapy myself. Around the house I'm still expected to fill the male role: fix the cars, change the oil, mow the lawn, do anything technical or mechanical. Yes, women do those things, too, but I feel like the expectation is I should be acting as a "handyman." I acknowledge that I have the skills, but it chafes that the role seems to be being forced on me.

Oh well. Someone has to do it.


Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 17, 2018, 11:54:17 PM
I'm struggling with this, too, Randy. I actually brought it up in therapy myself. Around the house I'm still expected to fill the male role: fix the cars, change the oil, mow the lawn, do anything technical or mechanical. Yes, women do those things, too, but I feel like the expectation is I should be acting as a "handyman." I acknowledge that I have the skills, but it chafes that the role seems to be being forced on me.

Oh well. Someone has to do it.


Stephanie

Hi Steph

It does chaffe...I don't know the solution as I struggle with it myself and I have almost resigned to that fact that it will not ever change completely. Some things have changed over time but the way it feels is that underlying it all is the expectation that because you "retain some maleness" or "were a male" so its still your role. I could be completely wrong here about the intent but I do know how it feels to me. Mowing the lawns was the one that always seemed to rankle me the most and for the same reason everyone lese is expressing.


Take care

Liz 

Quote from: Donica on September 15, 2018, 01:06:18 PMI don't know what to say about being misgendered on the phone and radio. I still get misgendered even standing right in front of them in a dress? I do have my first voice therapy appointment next week. I was wondering how/what are you doing to practicing/work on your voice to help feminize?

Hi Donica,

I just realized I hadn't responded to your question. Unfortunately I don't have any serious guidance for you. My natural voice was generally a mid to high tenor. It's not a stretch to go from male tenor to female contralto. I think there's some overlap in the range. But my voice has always been flexible. Remember the song "Games People Play" by the Spinners?(Yes I am definitely dating myself.) In the third verse, Pervis Jackson sings a low "Twelve Forty-Five," then "I took my time," etc. When we were out cruising in Mike's Torino, I'd crack everyone up by singing those lines. I was 5'5" and about 120 lbs. then. The incongruity of that little person making those sounds was hilarious. Yet when I get warmed up I can do  a reasonably good Stevie Nicks in "Edge of Seventeen." When I check my voice in what's a comfortable range for everyday speech it shows in the hight androgynous/low female range. So I can get the pitch where it needs to be.

The timbre I can get reasonably well by following the advice in this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6ro2R3esHA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6ro2R3esHA).

I'm still working on the prosody, vocabulary, and the other subtle things Michelle talked about. Once in a while it works, but quite often it all falls apart, especially when I'm tired or when I get too self-conscious. It doesn't help that one time when I was on the radio, one of my female neighbors, who's also a pilot, thought it was funny to make fun of my voice by answering my query like Mickey Mouse. Yeah, thanks. I take solace that she very often gets misgendered by tower controllers. So there.

I practice a lot by singing along with female artists like Carly Simon and others who sing in that range. After a while I can work my way up into registers that are impossible when I'm cold, but of course, those aren't typically where you'd be talking.

I'll be writing about an encounter I had today while using my voice in my next post.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 17, 2018, 11:54:17 PM
I'm struggling with this, too, Randy. I actually brought it up in therapy myself. Around the house I'm still expected to fill the male role: fix the cars, change the oil, mow the lawn, do anything technical or mechanical. Yes, women do those things, too, but I feel like the expectation is I should be acting as a "handyman." I acknowledge that I have the skills, but it chafes that the role seems to be being forced on me.

Oh well. Someone has to do it.


Stephanie

My exact problem also!  My wife will always see me this way.
But now that I'm retired, and she is not.
She expects me to be the housewife too.... I can do that...

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Quote from: Jessica on September 19, 2018, 09:38:38 PM
My exact problem also!  My wife will always see me this way.
But now that I'm retired, and she is not.
She expects me to be the housewife too.... I can do that...

I actually don't mind mowing the grass. I have a decent riding mower, and I plug in some tunes and ride around the yard entertaining the neighbors with my singing. Mowing is one of the few things I do that shows almost immediate results. That's nice when almost everything else in life, especially transitioning, takes so incredibly, frustratingly long.

As for housework, I used to hate it. But now I put on the music and often literally dance while working in the kitchen. I've always been the one to do all the cooking, and I did all the designing in the house when we had it built, including picking out the colors. I do believe I could be perfectly content as a housewife. [emoji5]

Stephanie

Quote from: Jessica on September 19, 2018, 09:38:38 PM
My exact problem also!  My wife will always see me this way.
But now that I'm retired, and she is not.
She expects me to be the housewife too.... I can do that...

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

OK now, I am feeling left out.... 
I am not a part of a household team like you married folks are...
...so I end up with all of the chores...
mowing the lawn,
snow shoveling the driveway,
cleaning the gutters,
fixing my truck,
painting around the house,
cooking,
laundry and ironing
cleaning the house,
mopping and vacuuming,
doing the dishes,
grocery shopping,
and the list goes on......

I am not complaining, mind you,
I am just saying that you folks are very fortunate to have someone to
share the chores with and to share your bed with every night.

Hugs,
Danielle

Time for an update? Sure, why not?

Sunday I was invited to a dinner for @SassyCassie 's Mom and Aunt, who are twins. She can tell the whole story if she choses, but the most outstanding parts of the day involved the fact that I wasn't misgendered by anyone, and how emotional I got over how well all of her family members treated Cassie. At one point I heard her mother tell her she was wonderful. I just about lost it then.

When Cassie went to the ladies room, I took her mom and aunt aside and made sure they knew how happy she was for their acceptance. I just about broke down when her mom, who is quite religious, told me that she was doing what Jesus would do, and giving all her love. That is so different than the judgmental treatment I've been warned to be alert for at my neighbor's upcoming Bunco party.

Our waitress, Stephanie(!) called both me and Cassie "madam" when we picked up the checks. It was a wonderful dinner and a wonderful day.

-------------

Monday I went to my doctor's office for a followup appointment for my latest lab tests, which included, for the first time, all three "E's:" Estrone, Total Serum Estrogen, and Estradiol. Some of the numbers were puzzling:

Estradiol: 274 pg/mL
Estrone: 1582 pg/mL
Total Serum Estrogen: 2582.1 pg/mL

Testosterone: 7 ng/dL
Free Testosterone: 0.8 pg/mL

I know the Estradiol is great, as is the Testosterone. The other numbers are a mystery to me. If anyone can shed any light on what they mean, I'd appreciate it.

We also talked about progesterone. We had touched on it at the last appointment and decided we'd both research it and report back. The biggest thing for me is some of the side effects listed are hair loss on the head, and hair growth on the face. Both of which I'm painfully working to fix. Doctor told me that those are the main complaints he sees with ciswomen he prescribes it to. So... never mind.

In any case, everyone from the intake nurse to the front counter people used the correct name and pronouns. I'm actually starting to feel comfortable there. It's a huge change from the first time I went there presenting as myself, when I was terrified.

-------------

Tuesday was HNT day. I decided to prep to see how bad genital clearing is with the blend method as opposed to the thermolysis used last time I tried - when I cried on the electrocutioner's shoulder. But when I got there she asked when was the last time I'd shaved down there, and it's been a while, with just trimming the length. She reminded me that she would have no idea which hairs were in anagen phase, and working on any other hairs would be a waste. So we set it up for next week and I got the whole two hours on my face. As usual, toward the end, the BLT was getting pretty weak. Considering I goop up and cover it with plastic before the 1:20 drive, by the end of the session it's been on there for 3:20. Of course it's wearing off.

After cleaning up in the car and shaving off whatever Courtney didn't get with the hot needle, I went back to Tarpon Springs and got another delicious gyro at the sponge docks. The waiter was awesome, always used ma'am, and we did some bantering, mostly about the size of the gyro the kitchen had prepared, which he said was the biggest he'd ever seen. Half of it went home with me for lunch the next day. When I was done and went to the ladies room, there was a sign saying it was closed for cleaning. The lady working inside saw me and told me to just wait a few minutes and she'd be done. No problem - I was obviously waiting for the right room.

-------------

That evening was the trivia contest I'm part of. We didn't win, mostly because I blew the final answer we had all our points riding on: What process is described by metaphase, prophase, anaphase, and telephase? Those terms sounded familiar, so I insisted it was hair growth. BZZZT! It's mitosis. Argh.

When I went to the ladies room, as I reached for the door a lady opened it from inside. There was the usual joking and excuse me's, and she held the door, did a little bow, waved grandiosely, and said, "Welcome!" Squeee!

One of the members of our team, S, has been completely awesome with my transition. We stood outside and talked for about a half hour as I told her how things were going and what my plans were for GCS and FFS. She was completely puzzled about why I thought I needed FFS. I tried to explain, but she's aging gracefully and thinks I should accept myself as I am. We'll have to agree to disagree.

One thing she said, though, shocked me. She plays badminton with my wife, and she commented that they played with a woman who I look almost exactly like. I felt sorry for the poor lady until S said, "And she's so pretty!" OMG. They promised to sneak a picture of her. I can't wait to see who they think I look like. I still see the old me in the mirror quite often, and it will be instructive to get an idea who other people are seeing.

---------

ARRRRR!! Today were a special day! It were International Speak Like a Pirate Day. I hopes all ye saucy wenches and scurvy dawgs celebrated appropriately!

Beyond that, it was the day the windshield company sent another guy out to fix the windshield on the RocketSkate. (The rest of the story is in an earlier post.) He was supposed to be here between 12pm and 5pm, so I got in the shower at 11, knowing I'd have all the time in the world to make myself presentable. Well, when I got out, I found a message on my phone that said he'd be early, and I had about 10 minutes to get ready. I set a new record getting dressed and my face on. Holy makeup, Batgirl, I worked up a sweat trying to not look sweaty. But I was ready when he showed up, and I got ma'amed, so I guess I did okay.

----------

I saw an announcement that Marci Bowers is coming to Orlando for an evening presentation. I jumped right in and got tickets for me and Cassie. I hope I get a chance to learn about the Davidov peritoneal pull-through method. I hear she's been studying it.

-----------

But the big news of the day is something I never ever thought I'd run into in a million years.

I used to work for a guy I'll call D who owned the company that made the plane that I had become the acknowledged expert with. After a while he decided he could run the business better without my help (he couldn't), so he kicked me to the curb. After he let the company languish for a few years he sold out to another person here in Florida, who wasn't interested in paying for my knowledge, so I drifted away from it. I hadn't talked to D in probably five years.

Today, the phone rang, and caller ID said it was D. WTH? Why would he call? Does he know what I've been doing for the last year? Do I have to out myself yet again? Understand that this guy is a dyed-in-the-wool Alabama redneck, a republican, and very likely a rabid Trump supporter. Argh! I did not want to have to deal with that today. I let it go to voice mail.

But when I listened I was blown away. He started out with, "Hey Stephan (pronounced "steffen"), it's D." He'd obviously not gotten my new name correct, but he was trying. He went on to talk businessy stuff, but then he said something incredible. Here it is, word for word:

Quote
And let me take this opportunity to... commend you on your move. That took a lot of guts... and I probably have more respect for you now than I ever have."

This from someone in the Deep South with the accent to match. I just sat there stunned.

He had called in the past, and I had ignored them, as I was still quite unhappy at the way he'd treated me when he told me we wouldn't be working together any more. But I couldn't ignore this. I warmed up my voice. No self-consciousness now, and no half-measures. I wanted him to know that I was now a woman named Stephanie, with no doubts.

I called him. The first thing he said was, "You'll have to excuse me while I get used to your voice. It's so different from what I'm used to. Is that something that happens naturally?" I explained all the work that goes into it, and I'm pleased to say that I was able to maintain the voice through the entire conversation. I was pretty proud of myself after we hung up after a 20 minute conversation. It was a good talk, about half of which was about my transition, and the rest about possible business arrangements. I'm not holding my breath. He did promise to stop by when he got to Florida, apparently soon. I sent him one of my favorite selfies so he had some idea who he'd be meeting.

-------------

The day wrapped up with a video visit with my BFF, dinner, and lots of typing here. I have nothing profound to wrap up with. Just another day, with some amazing twists...

Oh, and, ARRRRRRR!!

Stephanie

awesome update .. oh and congrats on the thread split ... a new milestone for Stephanie :D

Quote from: Faith on September 20, 2018, 05:54:53 AM
awesome update .. oh and congrats on the thread split ... a new milestone for Stephanie [emoji2]

Wow! The lady who doesn't type is the first to respond. Who are you and what have you done with Faith? (Thanks, girlfriend.)

Laurie split the thread at 2000 posts, which is two pages back already. It just means that I type too much. But hey, Steph 2.0 and Thread 2.0. Works for me.

I wonder where we'll all be when it gets split again?

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 20, 2018, 07:36:46 AM
Wow! The lady who doesn't type is the first to respond. Who are you and what have you done with Faith?

MWAAaaahahahahahhahaahhhhh hack, cough, choke ... I think I was the only one awake :P

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 20, 2018, 07:36:46 AM
I wonder where we'll all be when it gets split again?
Stephanie

Hopefully right here on Susan's .. if we can get the donates up to snuff. I wish I could this month, I'm struggling to put fuel in my car to get to work to make money :(

Quote from: Faith on September 20, 2018, 07:41:16 AM
MWAAaaahahahahahhahaahhhhh hack, cough, choke ... I think I was the only one awake :P

Hopefully right here on Susan's .. if we can get the donates up to snuff. I wish I could this month, I'm struggling to put fuel in my car to get to work to make money :(

  Hi Faith,

I am confident now that we will all still be here. My challenge seems to be getting a good response. Some of us are struggling to make ends meet and we understand that.  According to Susan, (and everyone can see each month) our site is struggling too. That is why I made the challenge aimed at those that are able to put in a little more. All are welcome here as you know. Membership in the site is not dependent on a person's ability to pay. We have this site to help support everyone. Thank you for being here Faith and supporting others with your posts we do what we can.

  On another note, it looks like (S((te)(ph)ani)e) was the only one I confused by splitting the thread. Don't worry I fixed it by moving her post to the right thread. All is well.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Quote from: Laurie on September 20, 2018, 11:25:45 AM
  ....  On another note, it looks like (S((te)(ph)ani)e) was the only one I confused by splitting the thread. Don't worry I fixed it by moving her post to the right thread. All is well ...

too much high altitude thin air, methinks

Quote from: Faith on September 20, 2018, 12:43:13 PM
too much high altitude thin air, methinks

It is a tall fridge.


Stephanie

Great update Stephanie! I have both thread splits bookmarked so I don't loose last 2000 post history.

Thanks for answering that question for me and thanks for the YouTube video link. That's one I haven't seen yet. I will definitely go back and watch the whole video. I had my first visit with voice therapy yesterday. She was the intake therapist and just asked a bunch of questions about me and had me speak into her phone to evaluate my current voice range. I think I may start a new thread in the transitioning forum to document my progress.

As for wondering where we will all be at the next thread split, well, I think you had the perfect answer for that in another threat, "We transitioned!" ;D.

I'm not sure what all the other hormone numbers mean either. Your Estradiol seems high according to my Endo. She want me to be just under 200. But maybe that's because of my age? She also agrees that the risk verses benefit of  progesterone isn't worth it and she won't prescribe it.

I feel your HNT pain. I have another 2 hour appointment with my torture Queen this afternoon ::).

Oh my! I think I've had too coffee this morning. My thoughts fingers are running amok. Congratulations on your thread split!

Edit: I almost forgot! Was it really Pirates talking day yesterday? Argh you scurvy dogs! Avast ye landlubbers! What say you mateys? And it's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. Ok, sorry, I got carried away!

Hugs Stephanie!
Donica.

Faith's post about "Fridge Chocolate" over on @Michelle_P 's thread reminded me of an awesome gift I was given by @SassyCassie  at my birthday party.

Background: Cassie defined for me the term "Eating a Toad." It refers to something that is distasteful, something you really don't want to do. All of us go through so many of those events as we transition. Whether it's coming out to someone new, enduring hair removal, or making a phone call with the chance of being misgendered, we have to eat so many toads.

The point is, if you have to eat a toad, it's best to have it for breakfast. Get it done first thing in the morning, and the rest of the day can only be better.

So what did Cassie give me for my birthday? A box of peppermint dark chocolate toads! And to make the morning toad more palatable, a bottle of Cholula hot sauce!

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180920/c40ad0c4affc852c8d175b436abc1802.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180920/8739496cacd731b7290bb5d6e914f3e0.jpg)



Stephanie

I like your smile at receiving the toads more than the toads. But send me some, I may change my mind :D

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 20, 2018, 01:23:32 PM
Faith's post about "Fridge Chocolate" over on @Michelle_P 's thread reminded me of an awesome gift I was given by @SassyCassie  at my birthday party.

Background: Cassie defined for me the term "Eating a Toad." It refers to something that is distasteful, something you really don't want to do. All of us go through so many of those events as we transition. Whether it's coming out to someone new, enduring hair removal, or making a phone call with the chance of being misgendered, we have to eat so many toads.

The point is, if you have to eat a toad, it's best to have it for breakfast. Get it done first thing in the morning, and the rest of the day can only be better.

So what did Cassie give me for my birthday? A box of peppermint dark chocolate toads! And to make the morning toad more palatable, a bottle of Cholula hot sauce!

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180920/c40ad0c4affc852c8d175b436abc1802.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180920/8739496cacd731b7290bb5d6e914f3e0.jpg)



Stephanie

Oh that is funny. I would have never guessed and probably would have been offended if I was told to eat a Toad. I love the fun we have at Susan's.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 20, 2018, 01:23:32 PM
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180920/8739496cacd731b7290bb5d6e914f3e0.jpg)

Stephanie, my first thought on seeing this image was "Stephanie is such a girl!"  I can almost hear the giggles, and you are just glowing!

Quote from: Michelle_P on September 20, 2018, 01:47:08 PM
Stephanie, my first thought on seeing this image was "Stephanie is such a girl!"  I can almost hear the giggles, and you are just glowing!

Oh my gosh, thank you, Michelle! I still see so much of "him" in those pictures, comments like yours mean so much.

It was such a wonderful event, and I laughed so much!

Stephanie

Quote from: Faith on September 20, 2018, 01:30:19 PM
I like your smile at receiving the toads more than the toads. But send me some, I may change my mind :D

Okay, here are some more:

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180920/7279f7e06a224b2628af5d639d72d170.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180920/2ae400ed9b76d66edf851da63951c318.jpg)

Oh, you mean send you some toads! Sorry girlfriend, but they're going on the fridge for emergency use. The only other time they can be eaten is when there isn't an emergency.

Oh, and here's one more smile for good measure:

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180920/54b626cd8d282c02753143ed8eec9068.jpg)

Bet you can't unsee that!

Stephanie

Very pretty pictures Stephanie! You really a girl for sure.

Giggles Steph!

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 20, 2018, 01:23:32 PM
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180920/8739496cacd731b7290bb5d6e914f3e0.jpg)

Stephanie, this is a lovely photo of you!  You are 100% girl, girl.

Quote from: Donica on September 20, 2018, 02:27:12 PM
Very pretty pictures Stephanie! You really a girl for sure.

Giggles Steph!

Thank you so much, Donica and Faith and Kathy! I have been staring at those pictures, turning them upside down, squinting, trying so hard to see what you do. I wish I could see through your eyes. I just see me, an offshoot of "him."

These comments come at a coincidental time. Literally 1/2 hour ago I sent my request to FacialTeam for a final quote and an agreement to sign for FFS. You all have me questioning whether I'm making a mistake or not.

The procedures I'm agreeing to are FUT hair grafts, upper blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, lip lift, and minimal lip augmentation, to be followed either there or in the US in six months with a face and neck lift, and a little bit of fat removal along the jowls and a bit of fat in the cheeks.

It's relatively minor stuff compared to what @Kendra and @Michelle_P have gone through, and now you have me doubting even that. I'm not likely to change my mind - I'm doing this to make myself feel better - but you have me wondering...


Stephanie

WhoooHooo! Congratulations Steph!!!

Hi Stephanie,

I love the smiles and covet the chocolate toads. And I will also have to agree with most of the posters that your need for FFS is not a strong one. Yes, I understand that we are all our own worst critics but you are just over one year on HRT. I have seen the facial softening from the magic pills more and more after a year and a half plus and am getting to like my reflection from shiny glass surfaces (even snuck in views from shop windows). You may want to consider where spending your shekels will give you the most joy.

Love you sister,
Tia Anne

I am not going to quote all those pictures (not that they are unworthy ... except that last one ... scary!!) but I will accept them in lieu of the chocolate. 

Quote from: Anne Blake on September 20, 2018, 03:07:26 PM
Hi Stephanie,

I love the smiles and covet the chocolate toads. And I will also have to agree with most of the posters that your need for FFS is not a strong one. Yes, I understand that we are all our own worst critics but you are just over one year on HRT. I have seen the facial softening from the magic pills more and more after a year and a half plus and am getting to like my reflection from shiny glass surfaces (even snuck in views from shop windows). You may want to consider where spending your shekels will give you the most joy.

Love you sister,
Tia Anne

Thank you, Tia. You and everyone here have given me a lot to think about. But as you know, when working with FacialTeam you are required to send very "graphic" photos of your face: neutral expression, hair pulled back, minimal makeup - basically undoing everything I do to make myself presentable and passable. I will never publish those pictures here, but if I did, you would understand why I'm pursuing some kind of FFS.

As I've mentioned before, my goal is not to be beautiful. The "cute 20-something," or even "good looking 30 or 40-something" boat sailed long ago. My goal is to be able to throw on jeans and a t-shirt, tie my hair back, and run to the store without being called sir, just as any ciswoman would. If that also happens to enhance the fully-made-up look, even better.

I'm of course happy that the surgeons I've talked to haven't taken advantage of my insecurities. At both the clinic here in Florida, and FacialTeam, they were quite frank that I could be just fine with just hair grafts and a face and neck lift. They agreed that the other procedures could be useful, too, if I wanted them. I'm certainly not a spendthrift, and I've curtailed a lot of my shopping as I try to prepare for large future expenses. But I think I've decided what it is I need to counteract those horrible pictures I sent to FacialTeam.

Am I just talking so I can convince myself I'm right? Again, I so wish I could see myself through your eyes. It's why I want so much to see a picture of the lady my friend says I look like.

Stephanie

Quote from: Anne Blake on September 20, 2018, 03:07:26 PM
I have seen the facial softening from the magic pills more and more after a year and a half plus and am getting to like my reflection from shiny glass surfaces (even snuck in views from shop windows). You may want to consider where spending your shekels will give you the most joy.

Tia, are you still planning to go to Spain early next year? With your newfound happiness with HRT changes have you decided it's not necessary?

Wouldn't it be cool if we both ended up there together?

Stephanie

Our current plans are to be in Marbella in early April.

Stephanie - I agree with the others comments that have been made. Minimal modifications are needed.

Tia - let me know your schedule for April. You know that Marbella is not so far for me. And if you would tolerate some company, it's much closer than the journey to the US.

Anne (Brook)


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Steph I have been trying to keep pace with your life but have to say you really are flying along. Each one of those photo's is definitely all "her" and the greatest thing about all of them is you look so happy....I saw the photo's with you and your BFF and again you just looked contented and happy. That's what I see when I look at your pictures..."she" is all there is and "she" looks like "she" has been there all along and need the right conditions to blossom.


Your could have FFS and if that makes you happier then you should do it, what I am saying is that I believe people see you for the woman you are already.


Take care

Liz

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 20, 2018, 03:43:09 PM

Am I just talking so I can convince myself I'm right? Again, I so wish I could see myself through your eyes. It's why I want so much to see a picture of the lady my friend says I look like.

Stephanie

Well, Stephanie, you convinced me you are doing the right thing.  :laugh:

In the end, we do what we must to relieve the dysphoria we all suffer from. You have a plan and it is a carefully thought out plan. This is good and I wish you the best as you proceed.  :-*

Quote from: anne_indy on September 21, 2018, 01:37:11 PM
Stephanie - I agree with the others comments that have been made. Minimal modifications are needed.

Tia - let me know your schedule for April. You know that Marbella is not so far for me. And if you would tolerate some company, it's much closer than the journey to the US.

Thank you Anne (Brook?). I do appreciate all the positive comments. It shows if I put the effort into it, I do okay.

If you're close to Marbella, maybe we can meet when I finally go there. I'll very likely be going alone, so it would be nice to meet up.

Stephanie

Quote from: LizK on September 22, 2018, 07:15:38 PM
Steph I have been trying to keep pace with your life but have to say you really are flying along. Each one of those photo's is definitely all "her" and the greatest thing about all of them is you look so happy....I saw the photo's with you and your BFF and again you just looked contented and happy. That's what I see when I look at your pictures..."she" is all there is and "she" looks like "she" has been there all along and need the right conditions to blossom.


Your could have FFS and if that makes you happier then you should do it, what I am saying is that I believe people see you for the woman you are already.

Thank you Liz. It's always so good to read your positive comments. Yes, I had been wearing the "he" facade for far too long, and now I get to be me. It is so liberating. And having a best friend who gets it and shares the joy enhances everything.

It's wonderful to hear that people are seeing who I want them to, and recent experiences (which I'll be writing about, of course) bear that out. But I still do believe that the minimal FFS is something I need to do, for reasons already stated. I could wait longer and see if HRT helps some more, but some things are just plain age-related. The hair isn't going to regrow, the wrinkles are long-standing, and there are a few male traits that HRT won't change.

I've also been kicking around an idea that wouldn't feminize my face, but would make a large enough change that people might look at me differently: Lose the glasses. Nobody has ever seen me without them, so contacts or Lasik would make me look quite different. Contacts are a relatively easy thing to do nowadays, too. Hmmm...

Thanks again, Liz. Take care, sister.

Stephanie

Quote from: Dani on September 23, 2018, 07:33:27 AM
Well, Stephanie, you convinced me you are doing the right thing.  :laugh:

In the end, we do what we must to relieve the dysphoria we all suffer from. You have a plan and it is a carefully thought out plan. This is good and I wish you the best as you proceed.  :-*

Thank you, Rakel! I'd rather not have to - I have plenty of things I could spend the money on, but nothing more important to me. So I'll keep on, and try to be patient as I wait wait wait for things to slowly come together.

I hope you're getting some flying in!

Stephanie

It's been a mixed week, but ended wonderfully. I'll put the stories in separate posts. Here's the most uncomfortable thing to happen:

Late last week as I was walking Maggie past a neighbor's house, he asked if I had a minute to talk. Sure, always. This is the guy who I've mentioned before as seeming to have the hardest time getting the name and pronouns correct, despite being one of the most intelligent people in the neighborhood. As I've mentioned before, I don't consider myself dumb, but I am a little slow on thinking up responses and forming cohesive arguments. I've put it as "I'm incredibly spontaneous, if you give me time to think about it." So this guy can tie me up in knots in any kind of debate.

I've talked before that we have a small but close neighborhood, almost like an extended family. It's why I was so terrified to come out, out of fear that I'd be ostracized and have to leave that all behind.

Well, my neighbor's argument was that I am tearing apart the fabric of the neighborhood because I'm so sensitive to people using the wrong name and pronouns. He says everyone is walking on eggshells because they're all afraid of hurting my feelings. Everyone wants the best for me, but they're on edge so much that the family feeling is deteriorating. Of course, now that I have time to think about it, I realize that almost everyone else is doing quite well with the pronouns and name. I thought I was dealing with the slip-ups pretty well, especially lately as I get more comfortable with myself. But he basically raked me over the coals for about an hour, and I was at a loss to not just understand what he was talking about, but how to come up with a rebuttal and a solution to the problem he was relating, real or not.

If it is real, I don't want to ruin the good feelings we've always had around here. I don't know whether I need to go house to house and let people know that I'm not made of glass, or just keep on with my usual way of handling the occasional incident - which is with understanding and humor - or just withdraw from the social scene entirely.

To be honest, I am a little tired of fighting this long slow battle. It's been almost a year, after all. And it does seem that the guy who sat me down, "for my own good and for the good of the neighborhood" may be basing his assessment of the situation on his own inability to get it right, for whatever reason that may be. I won't speculate publicly, but he insists he has no problem with my transition. But when he says, "I don't care if you build airplanes in a dress," I can't help but think he thinks of me now, and may always think of me, as Steve in women's clothes, not Stephanie finally set free.

There was a lot more to it, some understandable, some obviously true, some actually good, some completely off the wall, and some downright insulting. But I think I'll talk with my therapist about it on Wednesday. Right now I guess I'm just venting. Thanks for listening.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 23, 2018, 11:12:26 PM
...
Well, my neighbor's argument was that I am tearing apart the fabric of the neighborhood because I'm so sensitive to people using the wrong name and pronouns. He says everyone is walking on eggshells because they're all afraid of hurting my feelings. Everyone wants the best for me, but they're on edge so much that the family feeling is deteriorating. Of course, now that I have time to think about it, I realize that almost everyone else is doing quite well with the pronouns and name. I thought I was dealing with the slip-ups pretty well, especially lately as I get more comfortably with myself. But he basically raked me over the coals for about an hour, and I was at a loss to not just understand what he was talking about, but how to come up with a rebuttal and a solution to the problem he was relating, real or not.

Oh, I've run into this one before!   What I call the 'conditional acceptor', the person who will accept us in spite of the horrible, mild temporary discomfort that we cause them, if only we will just meet their conditions.

They might have heard something in passing, such as another neighbor telling them "Stephanie doesn't like it when you don't use her correct pronouns."  Their perceptual filter and deflection mechanisms have turned this into "I am without flaw, of course, but Stephanie and the neighbors are very much at odds over these pronouns, and I as the only person who can see the situation correctly, must show Stephanie the error of their ways!"

Quote
But when he says, "I don't care if you build airplanes in a dress," I can't help but think he thinks of me now, and may always think of me, as Steve in women's clothes, not Stephanie finally set free.

That is very likely true.  His head is stuck in the cultural gender binary hole, and he cannot see how anyone could possibly have a gender identity other than their assigned sex at birth since he has never experienced this.  Therefore, in his world view, being transgender is impossible, and he is determined not to see Stephanie.  That makes all this stuff about correct pronouns nonsense, and since it makes him slightly uncomfortable, he needs to find a way to show you the error of your ways.

Stephanie, I don't think you have done anything wrong here.  If misgendered, and the neighbors don't correct themselves ("He.. Oh, sorry.  She...") is is OK to speak up. ("She, please")

You have one unaccepting neighbor.  That's a pretty good score.  Be nice and low pressure to everyone else, and he is unlikely to gain the upper hand in dominating the neighborhood's attitude.

Now the wonderful thing that made up for any other weirdness last week.

All week long my BFF @SassyCassie told me to not make other plans for Saturday. She had a surprise for me. I speculated all week, and I finally had to ask what the dress code was. When I was told light casual, good for walking around in the heat, I thought I had a pretty good idea. Epcot center at Disney is right in the middle of their wine and cheese festival, and we'd talked a bit about going at one point.

But no. Cassie had been visiting Universal Studios a lot lately, (she has a yearly pass) and would send me videos of the fun she was having - without me. Stephanie sad. Well, I found out that as a birthday gift, we were going to meet up with a friend of hers and spend Saturday at Universal. In fact, she was going to buy me a three day pass so we could go back a few more times, too. Squeeee! But it gets better. When she went to buy my pass, she was told that the lowest-level yearly pass was the same price as a three-day. So we can go back together for a year! Squeeee-splosion! [emoji769]

We rode rides, we took silly pictures, we laughed, we cried (when I let some sad memories overwhelm me), we ate tasty food, including frozen butterbeer in Hogsmeade, and we had nommie chocolate bread and adult beverages in the form of Cherry Chocolate Mules. I had great conversations with Cassie's friend, who was fully supportive of our transitions, and I deeply enjoyed spending such a great day with my BFF.

But by far the best part of the day: I was just Stephanie. Once in a while I thought about what I was doing and how cool it was, but for the most part I just forgot about transitioning. Never once all day did we get misgendered. We were just three good-looking women enjoying the park just like all the other girls. I actually liked who I saw in the mirror, and, maybe due to the smile I wore all day, everyone else seemed to like her, too. Does it seem snooty if I say that we actually looked as good or better than many of the women there?

When it did happen to occur to us what we were doing, we just smiled at each other and clinked our glasses if we were holding any. Living the new normal. Now forget that, what do you want to do now?

Another great thing about it was there was no rush. Every other time I've gone, it was with a day ticket, and I had to cram as much into the limited time as possible, and stay until they closed to take advantage every minute. But now, thanks to the generosity of my best friend, we can go back any time to catch what was missed or try something new. It's so different when there's no pressure.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180924/0118db8d92c3504940a29b444a7b68e6.jpg)
Cassie the Perfectly Sane Cat Lady Gets the Part



(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180924/1f6ca5c2d79a9e004d3a6e16a31b4922.jpg)
Who is Making Whom Look Good?



(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180924/0dfdcfa771bd7fd3f66ad1f74626848e.jpg)
Three Hot Women Toasting a Great Day


Stephanie

@Stephanie
Stephanie, first off .. happy times on your day out .. YAY!!! Enjoying the company of good friends, doesn't get much better.
Secondly, I think you need to write that neighbor off. Exchange pleasantries, skip any conversations. I've read pretty much everything you've regarding him up to this point (you do realize that you write novelettes?) and I've concluded (because my brain works wondrously this early in the morning before coffee) that he is simply putting a good front on unacceptability making it your fault that he can't deal with it. Time to keep a distance. Go with Michelle's comment, continue to be your bubbly happy self to the others, 10 foot pole for him.

Faith

disclaimer, I make no stipulations about the reasonableness of my comments or suggestions, it's up to you to decide. If I was wrong, it's your fault
:D :D :D

Quote from: Faith on September 24, 2018, 06:10:58 AM
@Stephanie
Stephanie, first off .. happy times on your day out .. YAY!!! Enjoying the company of good friends, doesn't get much better.
Secondly, I think you need to write that neighbor off. Exchange pleasantries, skip any conversations. I've read pretty much everything you've regarding him up to this point (you do realize that you write novelettes?) and I've concluded (because my brain works wondrously this early in the morning before coffee) that he is simply putting a good front on unacceptability making it your fault that he can't deal with it. Time to keep a distance. Go with Michelle's comment, continue to be your bubbly happy self to the others, 10 foot pole for him.

I've met the neighbor in question and, if my guess is correct, he had no idea I was trans as well. Just from being somewhat on the periphery of all this, I can say without a doubt that the guy fancies himself as the "Alpha" or the "Captain" of the neighborhood. You know the type - every neighborhood has one. He's also a bit of a bully but I've not heard of anyone actually standing up to him. The rest of the folks in the neighborhood seem to have adopted the philosophy of "Go along to get along". Unfortunately, if Stephanie tells the guy to go fornicate himself with an iron rod (as she should, IMNSHO), he'll likely rally the rest of the neighborhood together to ostracize Stephanie.

Stephanie, bless her, has the ability to tolerate a lot of unpleasantness before taking action - as do all of us who transitioned late in life, I suppose. I do too, but everything has a limit and by this time, I would have fired right back at the guy and called him out as a coward for using the rest of the, in most cases completely accepting, neighbors as a cover for his own discomfort. He might bluster and threaten but in the end, it's all just words.

Stay strong @Steph2.0 . As with the pain you lived with for so many years, this too shall pass. Your sisters and brothers near and far are here for you to lean on if you need us!

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 23, 2018, 11:12:26 PM
.....But when he says, "I don't care if you build airplanes in a dress," I can't help but think he thinks of me now, and may always think of me, as Steve in women's clothes, not Stephanie finally set free.

...
Stephanie

Hi Steph

I hope you don't think this rude but my assessment is simply the issue is with this guy...the ignorance behind that comment whilst not insurmountable is going to be difficult to change. He does not see you as a woman but who you always were to him except now you are "wearing a dress". He is not understanding this has nothing to do with clothing but who you really are...I think when these kinds of people begin to think about what our lives must have been like they have difficulty believing anyone could live like that so of course it must be "made up"...why do they think this way...IMHO because they couldn't live under the kind of stress we all do, that of course means you can't really have a serious gender issue...its really about just "fixing planes in a dress". The shallowness of his thinking is what stops him being able to understand.

It looks and sounds from your post like the three of you had a wonderful day...smiles for miles :laugh: Nice to have this to counterbalance the negative rubbish.

Take care

Liz

Happy belated Birthday Stephanie!

Yeah, this nice present sounds like a lot of fun! So glad you had such a great day. The pictures look awesome!

For your neighbor: Yeah, I agree - keep conversation to a minimum. We have one neighbor we barely spoke too since I started wearing a dress outside and a new neighbor who keeps it to a "hello and how are you". We have so many others - like you do too - where our relationship with them has not changed, in some cases even intensified since I became Sarah.

Stay strong girl!

Hugs,
Sarah

What a great day you and @SassyCassie had!

I think @Michelle_P nailed it about your neighbour: he sees you as a man wearing a dress, so of course he feels that asking for feminine pronouns is a bit too much.  He thinks he is cutting you some slack if he doesn't complain about your clothing choices, which makes him, in his own mind, incredibly open-minded and tolerant.

You can't choose you neighbours, so the best approach is to have as little to do with him as possible.  Don't engage.

His attitude is not about you.  It is not about whether or not you pass.  It is about the fact that he has no idea what transgender means, and is probably unwilling to learn.

Stay strong, Stephanie!

Yes I have two of those, unwilling to accept, neighbors and even a long time friend who no longer speaks to me. There's not much one can do about them. As you stated, your neighbor is one of the more intelligent people on the block, but I have to say not so. Anyone can seem smart by reciting things they read in books or following politics but I think it takes true intelligence to be openminded, accept differences, and to look past any and all gender barriers. Water under the bridge.

On your much more happier note, what fun you and SassyCassie are having. Wow! A yearly pass at Universal Studios. Things like this really help us to get through the trying times we face. So,,, now,,, Are you putting your trade mark on this new phrase " Squeeee-splosion!"? Please excuse me if I can not contain myself and this phrase accidentally slips out. ;D

Happy hugs Stephanie!
Donica.

Michelle, Faith, Cassie, Liz, Sarah, Kathy, Donica: Thank you so much for your support and insights!

vent

Quote from: Michelle_P on September 23, 2018, 11:59:09 PM
Oh, I've run into this one before!   What I call the 'conditional acceptor', the person who will accept us in spite of the horrible, mild temporary discomfort that we cause them, if only we will just meet their conditions.

They might have heard something in passing, such as another neighbor telling them "Stephanie doesn't like it when you don't use her correct pronouns."  Their perceptual filter and deflection mechanisms have turned this into "I am without flaw, of course, but Stephanie and the neighbors are very much at odds over these pronouns, and I as the only person who can see the situation correctly, must show Stephanie the error of their ways!"

It's worse than that, even. Substitute "Steve" for "Stephanie" and "he" for "her" in your statement and it would be more accurate. He, either unthinkingly or deliberately, continued to call me "Steve" through the entire conversation. I suspect he was trying to get a rise out of me, since his thesis was "Steve is far too sensitive to what people call him."

Quote
That is very likely true.  His head is stuck in the cultural gender binary hole, and he cannot see how anyone could possibly have a gender identity other than their assigned sex at birth since he has never experienced this.  Therefore, in his world view, being transgender is impossible, and he is determined not to see Stephanie.  That makes all this stuff about correct pronouns nonsense, and since it makes him slightly uncomfortable, he needs to find a way to show you the error of your ways.

Extreme right wing, Trump fan, Rush Limbaugh listener. Manages to turn almost any conversation toward politics, with Obama and liberals the cause of all the evils in the world. Most likely has drunk the "Gender is defined only by DNA" Kool-aid. But so reasonable and accepting!

Quote
Stephanie, I don't think you have done anything wrong here.  If misgendered, and the neighbors don't correct themselves ("He.. Oh, sorry.  She...") is is OK to speak up. ("She, please")

The argument is, correcting someone just alienates them. He definitely understands that I'm unhappy with being misgendered and deadnamed, not because I force a correction, but because he can read it in my face. That was definitely true early on, but not so much now as I get comfortable with who I am and understand who he is and why he won't change. He's basing a lot of his theory on past history (he brought up an incident when I was out on a fly-out with him and had a meltdown due to what I perceived to be a slight toward my transition... last November), and a conversation with the lady who invited me to the ladies party night at her house - where an incredible amount of information was lost or scrambled in translation.

I'm guessing here, but the only place that what he said he was told could have come from was when I told my other neighbor that I was worried that the government was going to remove the mandate that makes it illegal to discriminate against LGBT people, which is what's driving the inclusion of transgender care in most insurance policies (Section 1557 of Health and Human Services Rules). His right-wing mind received it as, "Steve is pissed off because he considers himself handicapped and the government owes him help to fix it." That is literally what he said he had been told by my other neighbor. When I told him over and over (in tears, unfortunately) that I never said anything like that, and never would, he accused me of calling my other neighbor (a long-term friend of his) a liar.

I told him that it didn't bother me much if he screwed up with pronouns and names around the neighborhood where everyone knows the story, but I did try to make him understand that it was terrible for me when he did it around strangers who only know me as Stephanie. He read that not as "I need to be recognized as who I am now, not as who I had been, and as much as possible, without a "trans" prefix" - but as: "Steve is worried there will be trouble with someone who can't accept that he's a guy pretending to be a girl." He was insulted then that I would think that my neighbors wouldn't defend me in that case. It was an interesting reaction to a false conclusion.

One absolutely telling part of the conversation, which laid bare the way he thinks of me: He was trying to make the point that I need to consider other people's feelings. He said that to be feminine one has to first consider the family, and the neighborhood is like a family. He used his wife as an example: not particularly girly, but would always put the kids, then the family, then the extended family before her own welfare. According to him, that's how women think. That's when I stopped him and told him, "Don't try to lecture me about how women think. You are not a woman." To which he replied, "You aren't either." I should have walked right then.

Quote
You have one unaccepting neighbor.  That's a pretty good score.  Be nice and low pressure to everyone else, and he is unlikely to gain the upper hand in dominating the neighborhood's attitude.

Nice and low pressure is what I have been striving for, successfully I believe, for a while now. If anyone is stirring the pot, he is. Yes, I was ultra-sensitive to such things in the early days, but I'm proud of who I am now, and can handle with understanding and humor the mistakes of those who are actually trying.

He seems to be most upset that I don't hang out in the man-caves any more, I don't turn bolts with the guys, and I have let my airplane project languish. I'll admit that I have a hard time getting ambitious about working in the shop, but he seems to believe that if I don't adhere to the stereotype his brain has created for me, I am rocking the very foundations of the entire neighborhood. I told him flat out that the Steve he knew was a facade, that he is gone and will not be coming back, that Stephanie has replaced him, and that she is here to stay. If she choses to build airplanes - or not - that's up to her.

He's teflon. It rolls right off. For all his reasonableness and insistence that he bases all of his decisions and actions on logic, he is impervious to any new ideas that don't fit into his world-view. Otherwise he would be willing to absorb the facts that we all know concerning the physiological underpinnings of what we're dealing with. The fact that we have been born with brains - with absolute understanding of ourselves - with souls, if you will, that don't match the shell we were stuck within.

He is ever so calm, and if I get upset or raise my voice to make a point, I'm the one who's unreasonable. It's maddening.

Our "kids" play together (the dogs). We can fly together for breakfast (in separate planes), and we can be cordial as we run into each other. But as Michelle says, since he insists on being the one to define the parameters our friendship is based upon, with no consideration of my needs, I don't see how I can consider him a friend any more. I believe that his actions, no matter how well-intentioned he thinks they are, have alienated us to the extent that he has put himself into the "acquaintance" category. I'm sure he will consider me to be the unreasonable one for seeing it that way. So be it.

/vent

Stephanie

All is not dark and dreary in Stephanie-Land. In fact, life is pretty darn good, with some cool things happening.

HNT

Today was HNT day. This time I was properly prepared for hair removal "down south." Note that the surgeon I've been working with does not require hair removal, but conversations I've had with friends have me concerned that follicle scraping may not be good enough, with the consequences of internal hair growth later rather catastrophic. I find it interesting, though, that @warlockmaker says no surgeon in Thailand requires hair removal.

The last time I tried it was with my old electrocutioner, who used straight thermolysis. Even with numbing cream, the first time I was literally crying on her shoulder within ten minutes. I tried two more times, with it slightly more tolerable, but with the paper on the table drenched in sweat when I was done. Once I found this new surgeon, I gratefully gave it up.

With my growing concern, I wondered how different it would be with my new torturer. Today I gave it a shot. In 20 minutes she cleared the base of the shaft, and it wasn't pleasant, but certainly a lot more tolerable that the old method. The interesting thing is it apparently wasn't blend, since I didn't hold the ground probe. I think she called it the pulse method. I only know I heard three beeps, apparently corresponding to zaps modulated by her foot pedal. The pain level increases with each beep, but was never enough to blast me to the ceiling. It's something I could handle if I decided I really wanted to continue.

I intend to write the surgeon's office one more time to make sure they absolutely recommend not doing it. If I get assurances that it isn't necessary, I would rather spend all of the two-hour sessions on the face.

Speaking of the face, once we moved there, I fell asleep again...

Amazing Treatment

After HNT, I've developed the habit of going to the wonderful Hellas Restaurant in Tarpon Springs. This town was settled by Greek sponge divers, and the tradition remains. I saw a boat piled high with sponges at the docks. It is the place to go for excellent Greek food. For about the 5th week in a row I went to get one of the best gyros I've ever had. This week I had the same waiter I'd had last week. Jimmy recognized me and we chatted a bit when I ordered. I am just another woman customer to him, an he always calls me "miss." I had a wonderful lunch with friendly service as always, and Jimmy brought the check. I reached in my purse, and... realized my pilot certificate was in the airplane. Inside my wallet. Which contained all my credit cards and money. Back home. Glisten broke out on my forehead.

I called Jimmy over and told him the situation, keeping firm control of my voice. His eyes opened wide. I did have my phone and watch, and asked whether they could take Apple Pay (sorry Lauriana). He said he'd check, and walked off. In the meantime the glistening continued and I mopped my brow.

He came back a few minutes later to explain that he'd talked to his manager, told him the situation, and that "she comes here often..." and the manager decided to comp the lunch. O. M. G. How do you spell relief? I thanked Jimmy profusely, and asked him to thank his manager as well, all the while carefully monitoring my voice. I'm pleased to say it didn't slip despite the distress. I will be back next week, and will take the bill with me, along with enough for a generous tip.

I'm pretty proud that even under that kind of stress, I was just myself. No backsliding, presentation and voice intact. I guess this really is the new normal.

Pharmacy Visit

My route back home was to take me to the compounding pharmacy where I have my BLT cream made. Last time I was there on May 3rd, I had to ask the young man at the counter to change the name in their system from Stephen to Stephanie, and he turned all different shades of red. Surprise! Poor kid had never seen anyone like me before. This time, with the records matching me, the nice young lady didn't blink twice. It felt nice to just be myself.

Trivial Information

Just another night at trivia. Except this time we didn't miss a single question. We had a perfect score going into the final round, and were in first place all alone. We'd never done anything like it before. The final round had two questions, and you could bet any, all, or none of your points on them. We got the first one right... not the second one. And we'd bet it all. D'oh!

Which movie had the highest grossing opening weekend in the US: Toy Story 3, or The Hunger Games?

We went home in shame, but I was happy anyway. I had been treated as I should, other women held the door for me at the ladies room, and it was a good time.

A nice texting conversation with my BFF, venting and storytelling here, and, oh! I got a reputation bump for a silly statement over on Moni's thread. What a nice day. Now time for bed.

Stephanie

I have shoveled a few into the acquaintance zone. You may try tamping it down a bit too. Who says that you can't walk the dog while all dolled up for a party? or for the beach :D

Oh, also, I'll have to come back after coffee to read your latest post. That's too many words for this early in the am. I caught the "All is not dark" and that's enough to schedule a re-visit.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 25, 2018, 11:07:17 PMTo which he replied, "You aren't either."

I am sorry that that happened to you, Stephanie.

Back in the old Leave it to Beaver days that he longs for, that remark would have earned him a well-deserved slap in the face.  Unfortunately, these days, that would land you in jail.  I admire your self-control.

I would tell you what I really think of your neighbour, but that would probably be a violation of the TOS.  Certainly, he is not your friend.  He is worse than an acquaitance.  I would rate him as an enemy.  The purpose of the conversation was probably to put you on notice that he will be actively campaigning among your neighbours to undermine you.

You might want to pay close attention to your relationships with your other neighbours to notice any changes.  If you have neighbours who are particularly supportive, you might want to relate this incident to them.

----------

I am glad that all is not dark.  Enjoy your friendships.  Enjoy any HNT where you don't have to be scraped off the ceiling.  ;D

on to the important stuff

Quoteoh! I got a reputation bump for a silly statement over on Moni's thread

wait, what? a Rep Bump, I got nothing. I demand fair and equitable treatment. I demand .. nothing. I rarely look at rep. Oh, look, I have some. cool.

Thank you all for tolerating my whining about the neighbor. Now set that all aside. I have the (second) best news ever!!

I have a date for FFS with FacialTeam!

At least I have a lot of time to plan for it. Waiting is the hardest part. It seems like it's forever away.

Uhh, no.

It's December 4th of this year. It'll be done for Christmas. These will be the best holidays ever.

I can't believe it. I'm overwhelmed. The thought that I don't have to see "him" in the mirror for the rest of my life has me in tears.

Time to dry up and start doing paperwork...

Stephanie

wonderful news to wake up to. Congrats on being scheduled for your new face. We were all getting real tired of your old one, it was wearing thin .. umm, hmm, you know, it's hard to be flippant when it's such good news. I tried.

YAY! :)

Quote from: Faith on September 26, 2018, 07:03:37 AM
on to the important stuff
wait, what? a Rep Bump, I got nothing. I demand fair and equitable treatment. I demand .. nothing. I rarely look at rep. Oh, look, I have some. cool.

Uh huh. I saw you peeking.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 26, 2018, 07:17:49 AM
Uh huh. I saw you peeking.

I was not 'peeking' I was surreptitiously looking.

Quote from: Faith on September 26, 2018, 07:15:28 AM
wonderful news to wake up to. Congrats on being scheduled for your new face. We were all getting real tired of your old one, it was wearing thin .. umm, hmm, you know, it's hard to be flippant when it's such good news. I tried.

YAY! :)

"I've got the face of a 25 year old."

"Well, you'd better give it back. You're getting it all wrinkled."

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 26, 2018, 07:21:53 AM
"I've got the face of a 25 year old."

"Well, you'd better give it back. You're getting it all wrinkled."

(https://i.imgur.com/oRvLBFE.jpg)

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 26, 2018, 07:12:09 AM
I have a date for FFS with FacialTeam!

That is worthy of a Squee-splosion™!  (And you don't even have to pay royalties.)

Hey got a minute?  December 4 is less than a hundred thousand minutes from now.

By January that neighbor-jerk will be even more out of place.  But it doesn't matter, there is nothing you can do to make them less miserable.  I'd do one of two things: ignore they exist, or go out of my way to make them uncomfortable.  You should always misgender them as their pathetic world view claims it's just words, right?  Girls will be girls.  And I'd start flirting with them, especially if their spouse is around. 

Wow!  So soon!  Congratulations, Stephanie!  You should be feeling pretty good for the holidays, and starting off the New Year looking right!

I have always felt that FFS is the real gender affirmation surgery, as it affects how we interact with others.

Quote from: Michelle_P on September 26, 2018, 08:31:20 AM
Wow!  So soon!  Congratulations, Stephanie!  You should be feeling pretty good for the holidays, and starting off the New Year looking right!

I have always felt that FFS is the real gender affirmation surgery, as it affects how we interact with others.

Yes, I had been thinking that GCS was the most important thing, and it's still near the top of the list, but you're absolutely right, it's what people see, and affects every face-to-face interaction.

I suppose calling this FFS may be a bit much. As they described it, it's really just cosmetic surgery of the kind any woman my age might want. Hair grafts, upper blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, and lip lift. No bone work.

There are two more procedures that will have to wait 6 months, which will finish the job: facelift and neck lift. They can't be done in conjunction with the hair grafts, apparently. But that's okay. Getting started, actually doing something, feels so good. While I have high hopes for improvements with the December procedures, I can look forward to even more next summer.

Stephanie

Quote from: Kendra on September 26, 2018, 08:14:37 AM
And I'd start flirting with them, especially if their spouse is around.

Excuse me while I go

EWWWWWWWWW!!

Hi Ms S((((t)ep)(h)a)n)ie),

  If you ask me FFS can't come soon enough. I am getting awful tired of seei that same old mugs of yours with that big smile photoshopped onto it. Of course I am just kidding Steph.

(https://i.imgur.com/KICriv7.png?1)

I say it is time for a change! and you are doing the right thing. Not for us. Not for me. But for you Hun. for you!
Congrats on getting the date for your FFS.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Love ya,
  Laurie

Quote from: Kendra on September 26, 2018, 08:14:37 AM
By January that neighbor-jerk will be even more out of place.  But it doesn't matter, there is nothing you can do to make them less miserable.  I'd do one of two things: ignore they exist, or go out of my way to make them uncomfortable.  You should always misgender them as their pathetic world view claims it's just words, right?  Girls will be girls.  And I'd start flirting with them, especially if their spouse is around.

A while back, Stephanie told me about a conversation with that neighbor and a few of the other members of the boys' club there. At one point, the question came up of, "So, how you gonna choke yer chicken?"

I told her my response would have been something like a coy smile followed by, "Well, I'd just have to get a little friend to help me out with that. <Wink>"

She said "Wow, you really are sassy!"

Quote from: Laurie on September 26, 2018, 11:58:34 AM
If you ask me FFS can't come soon enough. I am getting awful tired of seei that same old mugs of yours with that big smile photoshopped onto it. Of course I am just kidding Steph.

Uh, Lauratia, I also know how to use Photoshop. Do you really want to start a photo retouching battle?

Just sayin'.

Love you, too!

Stephanie

As I warned earlier, I'll be celebrating many one-year anniversaries now. Last night and today are big ones.

September 27, 2017, I went to a social gathering of one of the Orlando trans support groups, where I just by chance sat across the picnic table from the very special person who was destined to become my BFF. We'd actually both been at another social gathering before - I even have a picture of us standing together - but we'd never talked before. Happy friendversary @SassyCassie !

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180928/840158501a4cf0dd8f9c571a71baedaa.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180928/98b3d95647ad2176400b31b52c18a449.jpg)

September 28, 2017, my dear friends T and L treated me to a day at Disney, my first time out in such a busy place as myself. While I had been full-time for a while, I had been keeping a low profile. This was an incredibly liberating event that moved me a long way forward on my timeline. I owe so much to my good friends for helping me along.

I looked back at those pictures, and was shocked by how much I've changed in the last year. I honestly don't understand how I was able to use the ladies rooms back then without women screaming and running away.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180928/d4d185a7225026a0dacdbf7937473522.jpg)
One year ago today.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180928/16e98bfdb7ce76a5c890e2449eea21a1.jpg)
Last Saturday.


I am so happy at how things have gone. And they're just getting better.


Stephanie

WhoooHooo Stephanie!!!! December 4th is get here fast. This definitely deserves a <<<SQUEEE-SPLOSION>>>.

As for you neighbor, I would say EWWWWWWW too. He is a lost cause. I lost a long time 40+ year friend to the same type of attitude. Not be choice but I'm not loosing any sleep. I've always called him the "Self centered PIG guy". When the "Me Too" movement first started, he told me he thought women should just shut-up and spread their legs. I've never been so fast to come up with an excuse to get him out of my home before I exploded in his face.

No you dint photoshop that picture Laurie!!!! lol. Oh the shame ;D.

Great news Steph!!! I'm sure I will be following you with the same hopefully early next year. I hope you will keep us updated on your progress as Michelle did. It helps to understand what to expect.

SQUEEE hugs girl!
Donica.

Stephanie,

Just a note of congratulations on your anniversary.  I am pleased to see your joy and progress. 

Hugs from Penny and I,
Stevi

On October 7th, 2017, I met an old friend, J, and his wife K for dinner. Though we'd known each other for years, they would be meeting me for the first time. J had put together a small group of friends who hung out together and had formed some traditions at the yearly Sun-N-Fun fly-in in Florida. Years ago I had been unexpectedly welcomed and given a hat signifying I was part of the group, and always enjoyed their company. They had always treated me well, but I had worries, because they were what many would consider "Southern Rednecks."

I heard through my grapevine that J had heard through his grapevine about my transition, so I contacted him to come clean and let him know that if he thought it would be too uncomfortable for everyone, I was prepared to turn in my hat. I have seldom seen him so angry. He cut loose on me for thinking that I would be anything but welcome in the group no matter what. He considers the group to be family, and once you're welcomed into it, you're loved regardless.

So we went to dinner. It was in my fairly early days of living full-time, and I was presenting hardly more than androgynously. And they were awesome. This spring at Sun-N-Fun I was treated as a member of the group just as always. But I had no idea just how awesome some of them were.

A few weeks ago I got a text from J. He wanted my mailing address so he could pass it on to his stepson. And last week I got an invitation from his stepson to attend his wedding in November. His stepson had specifically asked J to get the information because he really wanted to invite me.

Our dinner last October was with minimal presentation, and Sun-N-Fun is a casual event with jeans and shorts the usual uniform. But now I get to attend a wedding with many of the same people there, and I intend to dress up and let them see who Stephanie has become since they last saw me. I am completely blown away by how wonderful my friends are.

I hope I get to dance with J.

Stephanie

WOOO Steph! .. Shopping Spree !!!!! Don't forget to post candidate pictures so that we can help you pick out just the right one. Maybe a video ... well, not of you changing, after you've dressed :D

Quote from: Faith on October 01, 2018, 06:05:56 AM
WOOO Steph! .. Shopping Spree !!!!! Don't forget to post candidate pictures so that we can help you pick out just the right one. Maybe a video ... well, not of you changing, after you've dressed :D

I so wish! Unfortunately I've had to severely curtail my shopping expenses. My trip to FacialTeam is going to take a huge chunk of change, and something has to give. At least, with the exception of a few winter tops and some jeans, my wardrobe is filled out well enough to get me by. I hear the siren songs of all my favorite stores, but I must be strong. I... can... resist. [emoji51]

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 01, 2018, 06:34:56 AM
I so wish! Unfortunately I've had to severely curtail my shopping expenses. My trip to FacialTeam is going to take a huge chunk of change, and something has to give. At least, with the exception of a few winter tops and some jeans, my wardrobe is filled out well enough to get me by. I hear the siren songs of all my favorite stores, but I must be strong. I... can... resist. [emoji51]

awww, that's a bummer. Come visit, I bet we have something. We have gowns of varying sizes hanging everywhere

Great news Steph! Yes, I understand your FFS date will get here fast and it's time curtail those shopping expenses. But,,,but,,,but,,, perhaps a lovely formal gown from one of those less expensive stores?

As for those Southern Rednecks, I just wanted to say, "I'm a redneck women. I ain't no high class Broad. Can I get a big HELL YEAH!!!" ;D. Just having a little fun Steph. Go knock em dead girl!!!

Hugs,
Donica.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 01, 2018, 06:34:56 AM
I so wish! Unfortunately I've had to severely curtail my shopping expenses. My trip to FacialTeam is going to take a huge chunk of change, and something has to give. At least, with the exception of a few winter tops and some jeans, my wardrobe is filled out well enough to get me by. I hear the siren songs of all my favorite stores, but I must be strong. I... can... resist. [emoji51]

Ya know...The dresses I bought for the last wedding weren't all that expensive at Dress Barn. Maybe we should just take a casual walk through there and see if anything tickles your fancy. Of course, that will have to be after you find out what the suggested attire is for the wedding. Will it be Formal, Semi-formal, Casual, Summer-casual, Redneck-casual, Florida Redneck-casual, etc?

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 01, 2018, 06:34:56 AM
I so wish! Unfortunately I've had to severely curtail my shopping expenses.

I understand the need to conserve cash.  But you can find great buys at second-hand stored.  The blue dress I bought for a wedding cost me only $38.  Just sayin'.  :)

Just having fun with you, of course.  You know best what your spending priorities shouild be.

Quote from: SassyCassie on October 01, 2018, 01:01:50 PM
Ya know...The dresses I bought for the last wedding weren't all that expensive at Dress Barn. Maybe we should just take a casual walk through there and see if anything tickles your fancy. Of course, that will have to be after you find out what the suggested attire is for the wedding. Will it be Formal, Semi-formal, Casual, Summer-casual, Redneck-casual, Florida Redneck-casual, etc?

Quote from: KathyLauren on October 01, 2018, 01:08:03 PM
I understand the need to conserve cash.  But you can find great buys at second-hand stored.  The blue dress I bought for a wedding cost me only $38.  Just sayin'.  :)

Just having fun with you, of course.  You know best what your spending priorities should be.

what's that enticing song I hear ..... ? ? ? ? ? ?

Quote from: Faith on October 01, 2018, 01:08:47 PM
what's that enticing song I hear ..... ? ? ? ? ? ?

It's the sound of cash registers!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpbbuaIA3Ds (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpbbuaIA3Ds)

I loves you all so much. You're so good at spending my money!

Well shopping with the BFF on Wed, charity shops looking for the designer stuff!!! Wristfull thinking I know but its surprising what can be found.

Quote from: davina61 on October 01, 2018, 04:40:38 PMWristfull thinking I know

Bravo! Nicely done!

Shopping would be such fun, especially with my BFF, but I do have a nice selection already, one of which I haven't even worn yet, despite traveling all the way to Denver and back with me. Long gowns are awesome, but I do like showing off my legs, so I usually like knee-length. Yes, I do need to check on the dress code. There are no hints on the invitation or the associated website. If I ask my friend, the step-dad to the groom, he'll probable just do the guy thing and shrug. Maybe I should try to talk to his wife, who is just as cool.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 01, 2018, 10:41:54 PM
Shopping would be such fun, especially with my BFF, but I do have a nice selection already, one of which I haven't even worn yet, despite traveling all the way to Denver and back with me. Long gowns are awesome, but I do like showing off my legs, so I usually like knee-length. Yes, I do need to check on the dress code. There are no hints on the invitation or the associated website. If I ask my friend, the step-dad to the groom, he'll probable just do the guy thing and shrug. Maybe I should try to talk to his wife, who is just as cool.

Stephanie

I did text the mother of the groom and got this reply:

Quote
Dressy casual. Not formal. A nice dress will do. Only people close to formal will be wedding party and family.[emoji4] Hope that helps. Its outside and in an open building (pole barn, but very nice). So you can adjust what you want to wear to the temps that day.

A nice dress will do!

Squeee!

My integration into society proceeds apace. I received this invitation today:

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181002/26dfe7490fe2fad54917d85c0adb2d05.jpg)

Squeee!

Oh Steph! Are you going to be here next March? If so we just have to get together for lunch or dinner? Long Beach is less than an hours drive for me.

Quote from: Donica on October 02, 2018, 04:02:05 PM
Oh Steph! Are you going to be here next March? If so we just have to get together for lunch or dinner? Long Beach is less than an hours drive for me.

At this point odds are slim to none I'll be attending. Wouldn't that be cool, though?

On the other hand, so much has changed for me in the last six months, who knows where I'll be in another six?

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 02, 2018, 04:13:09 PM
At this point odds are slim to none I'll be attending. Wouldn't that be cool, though?

On the other hand, so much has changed for me in the last six months, who knows where I'll be in another six?

Stephanie

Yes, that would be fun. Who knows, in 5 or 6 months, I may be on the recovery side of FFS.

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Quote from: Donica on October 02, 2018, 05:50:20 PM
Yes, that would be fun. Who knows, in 5 or 6 months, I may be on the recovery side of FFS.

I may be dreaming, but I'm hoping to be on the other side of GCS by then. Who knows?

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 02, 2018, 07:52:40 PM
I may be dreaming, but I'm hoping to be on the other side of GCS by then. Who knows?

Wait! You still have FFS to do in December. I was thinking I wouldn't get my FFS for 5 to 6 months, but support group friends are telling me it could happen as soon as yours. I would be nice to have it done by then. Did you get a date for your GCS already?

Quote from: Donica on October 03, 2018, 01:11:21 PM
Wait! You still have FFS to do in December. I was thinking I wouldn't get my FFS for 5 to 6 months, but support group friends are telling me it could happen as soon as yours. I would be nice to have it done by then. Did you get a date for your GCS already?

Oh no, no date yet. I so wish. It's why I mentioned dreaming.

I have six more weeks for the clock to run out on the 18 months of therapy required by my insurance company before I can get the ball rolling. The surgeon I'm seeing may (or may not) have a six month wait for surgery. I'm hoping it's in that range, or sooner of course,  but I won't know until I can actually have my consultation.

I can be really patient if I don't have to wait long.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 03, 2018, 02:13:50 PM
Oh no, no date yet. I so wish. It's why I mentioned dreaming.

I have six more weeks for the clock to run out on the 18 months of therapy required by my insurance company before I can get the ball rolling. The surgeon I'm seeing may (or may not) have a six month wait for surgery. I'm hoping it's in that range, or sooner of course,  but I won't know until I can actually have my consultation.

I can be really patient if I don't have to wait long.

Stephanie

Oops, Sorry Steph! I missed the dreaming part. Jeezzz! I'm going to be old by the time I get my GRS. I still have at least 18 months to go.

Donica.

Thursday, October 4, 2018

TL;DR: I am riding the crest of one of the highest waves I can remember. Thursday was concentrated amazing wonderfulness. It's rare for me to accomplish so much, with so many awesome outcomes, in one day.

I was going to put the whole day in one post, but there is so much to report on I'll break it up.

Waking up...

I checked my phone for new emails before I crawled out of bed. The first message was from FacialTeam. They have received my deposit, and the date is confirmed. On December 4th I will be asleep in Spain while I get facial remodeling.

I am alternately elated and questioning. I have been doing so well lately. The only people who misgender me are those who knew me before. All of you have been so nice and flattering. Just as those times when I would doubt my transitioning, I wonder whether I'm making a mistake. But just as then, there is an underlying current, a consistent logic, that always restores my confidence that I'm on the right track. Before, it was the revulsion of going back to the way things were. Now, it is those pictures, those horrible pictures that no one else will see, that give me surety and highlight the clarity of my path. I will be in Spain on December 4th. The thought brought a wide smile to my face before I'd even had my coffee. That's saying something!

And so began my incredible day.

More to come...


Stephanie

We will all be there with you Stephanie!!! SQUEEEEE!!!!

Donica.

Thursday, October 4, 2018, Continued

The Estradiol/Estrone Dilemma...

For my last blood tests, I asked the doctor to order not just the standard estradiol and testosterone levels, but also estrone, estradiol, and total serum estrogen. This was because @SassyCassie had told me about a doctor in Michigan who had done a lot of research on the transgender condition and was becoming well-known for his effective methods. He'd recommended monitoring all those numbers. I didn't know at the time exactly why I was collecting them, but I knew I could figure it out later once I had the data.

The numbers were, well, weird. My estradiol looked good, 274 pg/ml. But estrone was 1574 pg/ml. The expected numbers for ciswomen are in the luteal phase, 16-173 pg/ml. And total serum estrogen was 2582 pg/ml. The highest expected in ciswomen is 590, during the follicular phase. I didn't know what my numbers meant, and neither did my doctor, but I knew they were way out of whack. Doc theorized that there had been a mistake, and we should let it ride until we had another set of numbers at the next 3 month check, to develop some sort of baseline.

In the meantime, two things were going on. Cassie wasn't satisfied with her numbers either, so started researching estradiol valerate - the intramuscular injectable. It has been in very short supply for at least a year, but after a lot of work, she determined that it was once again available. She got her prescription, and I got curious.

Simultaneously, I had been studying the work of the doctor I mentioned above. Dr. Will Powers had put together a PowerPoint presentation about the Care of the Transgender Patient, and I downloaded and studied it. And he spent five slides talking about exactly the kind of numbers I had. He sees that in 1/4 to 1/3 of his patients. The problem? With estrone that high, the estrogen receptors in the body are flooded with estrone instead of estradiol. And estrone is only 4% as efficacious as estradiol. So even with the good estradiol numbers I'm showing, I'm getting only 4% of the benefits. He found that those patients were among those swallowing the estradiol. When he switched them to valerate or topical application, the numbers straightened themselves out, and the increased rate and effectiveness of feminization was readily apparent. In the the nearly 16 months I'd been on HRT, I'd seen some body improvements, but I attributed what few changes I could see in my face to better skin care - and of course breast growth is never enough, is it? I copied the presentation onto a flash drive and made an appointment with my doctor for Thursday.

I do want to point out that though Dr. Powers found a certain number of his patients have this problem, 2/3 to 3/4 of his patients are doing fine on oral estradiol. So YMMV and you need to get properly tested and work with a doctor on this stuff.

My doctor is very open-minded and ready to listen, and he's come to trust my judgement and research on these things. We have a good working relationship, but he's also cautious and wants to take good care of his patients. My expectation for the day was that we'd have a good discussion and he'd agree to study the presentation, and follow up with another consultation before any decisions were made.

Instead, I walked out with a prescription for estradiol valerate. Or should I say, I floated out! The day before I had checked if my local pharmacy could get it, and while it wasn't in stock, it was readily available for ordering. While needles and I have a very uncomfortable relationship, I can't wait to try it. If I can't stick myself, there are a few people around who would be thrilled to stab me!

More to come!


Stephanie

Thursday, October 4, 2018, Continued

No longer making a spectacle of myself

I had been kicking around the idea of making as many changes as possible when I came back from Spain, with the idea that doing something radical would make the people who are still having problems seeing the new me realize that "he" doesn't exist any more. One thing is to really work on my voice and come back using only the new one. Let them think that I'd had some kind of work done to fix it while I was gone. They have no idea that there's no talking for a month, and it takes as much as a year to get the full effects.

I'm not sure if I can pull that off or not, but the other thing that occurred to me was getting rid of the glasses that people have always seen me wearing. That seems like a big enough change, along with the facial redecorating, that it would get their attention. And easy to do, too. I would really like to try Lasik, but I'm not sure I can afford that right now, so I was thinking about contacts until I could save the money for Lasik. I was still on the fence about the idea until I read the post-op instructions for the rhinoplasty. They recommend not wearing glasses for a while until the nose heals. That cemented the idea. On my way to see the doc about my estradiol, I stopped at my eye doctor's office to talk about it.

I waited at the counter behind some other people, and when they left, the lady who I've always worked with there looked around and said, "Yes, ma'am?" She was the one who had heartily congratulated me when I'd gone in earlier this year to get my records changed. This time she hadn't recognized me at first. Yay! We talked about contacts and set up an appointment, and while she was looking at my record on her screen I saw my old picture there. I commented that I had no idea who that was, and we agreed to shoot a new one when I came back next time. Big smiles, and on to my next appointment.

More to come!


Stephanie

Thursday, October 4, 2018, Continued

BUNCO!

Remember the post I'd made a few weeks ago about seeming to be excluded from an all-woman get-together in the neighborhood? It was here (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,241033.msg2173714.html#msg2173714), with a followup here (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,241033.msg2174703.html#msg2174703).

The original date had been September 28th, but it had been moved to last Thursday. As soon as I left my late afternoon doctor appointment I went to the party.

OMG

It was amazing. There were only 11 women there, and all but three were from the neighborhood. Of the eight locals, seven know my story for sure, and one I'm not sure about, though I suspect she doesn't know.

There were four to a table (with one empty chair), so I gathered my courage and deliberately joined the table with the three new ladies to push things to the limit.

I was simply Stephanie to them, another lady from our neighborhood.

Part of the attraction of the game is you are continually changing partners. You get to talk with everyone in the room at one time or another, and other than one particular person, who I'll talk about in a minute, there was absolutely no problem. I was "Stephanie," or "she," or "her" all evening. Those who did know, were discreet (with one exception) and those who didn't know - didn't know. We were face-to-face or side-by-side all evening, and I passed with flying colors. I mean that in any sense you like.

As alluded to above, all was not absolutely perfect. When I walked in and saw one particular person there, I knew there would be trouble. Not in a deliberate or mean sense, but in a "just can't remember to be careful" sense. Almost immediately she misgendered me. She caught herself, and for the rest of the game she used my name instead of pronouns. I don't think anyone noticed. Good enough. But when the game was over and we were standing around bantering, she misgendered me twice. And instead of letting it go, she started going on about, "Oh, and I was doing so well all night, too! Yadda yadda yadda." The hostess, who had been so kind in inviting me, caught her attention and shut her up. I suspect nobody else knew what she was talking about. But SHEESH!!

In the end, everyone said fond goodbyes and headed out. I even got a big hug from one of the new ladies because she loved the jalepano-bacon jelly/cream cheese dip I'd made (recipe courtesy of @SassyCassie). I profusely thanked my wonderful friend for inviting me, and headed home with my head spinning.

It was a wonderful rite of passage for this new woman.

More to come!


Stephanie

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
Great update....  for sure, as you intimated, successfully passing and not being recognized as your "old self" depends so much more that just your body appearance.... but like you stated, getting rid of your eye-glasses, FFS, having your new voice, (hmmm, no talking for a month!!!!!) ;)   etc, etc..........   one step at a time....

Frankly, how you described your latest encounter at your pharmacy is so assuring and confidence building....  you are without a doubt "Stephanie" to all ... right now.

Thank you for updating all of your fans and followers....  I am always eager to check on your thread when I log in to the Forums.

Hugs and hugs and hugs,
Danielle

Thursday, October 4, 2018, Continued

Family...

When I got home from the party and had absorbed what had happened, I sat down to send an email to my Mom and sister to fill them in on my upcoming trip to Spain, what I was having done, and why.

Just as with all of you, they questioned the need, with my sister writing, "you have a beautiful smile - something we weren't accustomed to seeing in quite a while," and my mother saying, "I think you are beautiful the way you are." Their replies were so loving and supporting that the ocular leakage was impossible to contain. I have a wonderful family, and I regret doubting them and their reactions for all these years. I also regret that not everyone has such acceptance from their families. I do recognize how lucky I am.

More to come!

Stephanie

Thursday, October 4, 2018, Continued

Epilogue: Friday, October 5, 2018

I woke up early, with the memories of the preceding day spinning around in my head. And I cried happy tears. While there are still challenges to be met, and painful physical passages to navigate, I feel as if my social transition is completed. I can go anywhere in my day-to-day life, and as long as I take minimal precautions, I am perceived as I wish to be. It's something I despaired would never happen - for half a century I was in despair about it.

I have written this before, but I mean it as strongly as ever: I wish for everyone to eventually reach this point, to know the contentment and joy that living authentically brings. No one who doesn't go through this could ever know how it feels to finally reach this point. We all have our different routes to get here, but the personal growth we experience as we follow our individual paths will serve us the rest of our lives.

Best wishes for all.

Stephanie

Stephanie, congratulations on so many accomplishments!

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 06, 2018, 08:52:25 AM
>
Instead, I walked out with a prescription for estradiol valerate. Or should I say, I floated out! The day before I had checked if my local pharmacy could get it, and while it wasn't in stock, it was readily available for ordering. While needles and I have a very uncomfortable relationship, I can't wait to try it. If I can't stick myself, there are a few people around who would be thrilled to stab me!

I should make a post on my updated experience with this in the HRT board.  I switched from patches to estradiol valerate self-injection in June and I've found the difference quite noticeable.  Although the dosage is theoretically equivalent to patches my E levels went up sharply (sorry about the jabbing pun) and breast growth bounced up right before a boob job in July... that's one reason I requested a bit less plastic.  There's been a visible increase in feminization although I have several other variables so I don't want to over-credit the switch to injections.  The process of self-injecting is something I would have never wanted to do in the past but the benefits are so awesome I'm fine with it all.  I have learned to do this and make it my Friday treat.  I stab, therefore I am.

This is a wonderful update Stephanie!!! I think we all have that one person that doesn't know when to shut up. I lived with one till I was 18. My mother called him The Horses Ass. No harm done.

I have an appointment with my Endocrinologist next week for my 3 month follow up. I am currently taking a oral generic for Estrace and Spiro. I will request the estradiol valerate self-injection. She offered it to me a few months ago but I'm not sure if it was the same thing. I would have had to go back every month or so for an injection. I told her I had been trained to handle a needle but for some reason, that wasn't possible.

Great news Stephanie. Thanks for the update.
Hugs,
Donica.

Quote from: Donica on October 06, 2018, 12:04:06 PM
I have an appointment with my Endocrinologist next week for my 3 month follow up. I am currently taking a oral generic for Estrace and Spiro. I will request the estradiol valerate self-injection. She offered it to me a few months ago but I'm not sure if it was the same thing. I would have had to go back every month or so for an injection. I told her I had been trained to handle a needle but for some reason, that wasn't possible.

Well, I don't even play a doctor on TV. My request was based on my labs results and research into how to address them. I guess if your endo already offered it, they must be okay with it, but don't take my word that it's right for you. My prescription is for an injection every two weeks, and they will be training me on how to do it.

Thanks for keeping up with my thread!

Stephanie

Quote from: Kendra on October 06, 2018, 11:27:55 AM
Stephanie, congratulations on so many accomplishments!

I should make a post on my updated experience with this in the HRT board.  I switched from patches to estradiol valerate self-injection in June and I've found the difference quite noticeable.  Although the dosage is theoretically equivalent to patches my E levels went up sharply (sorry about the jabbing pun) and breast growth bounced up right before a boob job in July... that's one reason I requested a bit less plastic.  There's been a visible increase in feminization although I have several other variables so I don't want to over-credit the switch to injections.  The process of self-injecting is something I would have never wanted to do in the past but the benefits are so awesome I'm fine with it all.  I have learned to do this and make it my Friday treat.  I stab, therefore I am.

I had always said that I was planning to wait to see what HRT would do for me before I went after anything surgical. I have become impatient for help with the facial features, and the things I'll be addressing probably wouldn't have changed much with HRT anyway. But I remain patient for the breast growth, especially with the possibility of turbocharging it with the valerate. I'll give that another year or so before I make any other moves.

When it comes time for my first injection, I'll sit in my plane and use the horizontal stab-ilizer.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 06, 2018, 01:02:07 PM
When it comes time for my first injection, I'll sit in my plane and use the horizontal stab-ilizer.

Stephanie

Just make sure no ones looking. That might look a little funny. Oh and the idea of shooting up in your plane may not go over well either ;D.

Quote from: Donica on October 06, 2018, 01:19:17 PM
Just make sure no ones looking. That might look a little funny. Oh and the idea of shooting up in your plane may not go over well either ;D.

Considering my personal plane is an empty fuselage, I doubt anyone will give me a hard time. In fact, the horizontal stab isn't even installed at the moment. I'll have to use the vertical stab.

Stabby Stephie

Yaw made a fine point.

Quote from: Kendra on October 06, 2018, 02:45:20 PM
Yaw made a fine point.

I thought I'd pitch that out there. I'd just roll with it. It's the thrust of the matter. I hope you don't think it's a drag.

I wander if fly by wire Starbucks Venturi Valerate(tm) injections are available from Seattle ground control.  Gross wait makes me impatient but I'll roll into an endo to avoid getting foiled.  Pusher engines are knot certified to prop up a stablized glide path and risk landing a bad stall.  No yoke.  At least you won't wake the contrail artists unless you gotta jet now.

As long as you don't get in a spin.

Well, I hope I don't create a flap if I congratulate you on your awesome day!

Wow, you all present such a wonderful pitch.

Quote from: Donica on October 06, 2018, 05:28:22 PM
Wow, you all present such a wonderful pitch.

I'd tell yaw to put the speed brakes on but I've flamed out.

Wow Stephanie!  I just checked in and see you've had quite the day.  Wonderful news, Congratulations!

Earlier you said...
"Just as those times when I would doubt my transitioning, I wonder whether I'm making a mistake."  I think we all have some doubt lingering in our heads when making a big decision like this, its normal.   You'll be fine despite your family liking your smile, etc.

The neighbors that misgender you may or may not come around after your appearance is updated.  Be prepared for the worse but plan for the best.
All my best to you.  Keep floating on that cloud!
Judi

Hi Stephanie!!!

Sorry I didn't respond sooner to all your wonderful updates. For some reason the tapatalk app skipped a whole bunch of posts when it presented me with what it thought was the first unread message.

Wow!!! Congratulations on so many levels. FFS is big news. 4th December will get here so quickly. I am so happy for you to be getting what you have clearly been wanting for a long time. Although so many people tell you that you don't need FFS, myself included, you are the one that needs to be happy looking in the mirror. So I am in full support of you doing whatever it is you need.

You will look so different without glasses. Will you be treating us to a preview of Stephanie without glasses photo before you get your contacts or will you make us wait?

It will be interesting to see how switching to injections will go for you. At the very least, not having to take daily pills for your E will be a positive thing. I know that when I got my implant, I had a psychological boost knowing that I no longer need to take daily pills for my female hormones. The implant is the closest I could get to having my own ovaries. I would think that E injections come close to giving that same feeling. I hope you get the results you are hoping for.

I too am very lucky to have such an accepting family. Like you, I recognise that good fortune but also have periods of feeling a slight sense of guilt because not everybody is this lucky.

Keep soaring girl. It's a real treat seeing you so happy.

Hugs,
Jayne

Oh, I kinda forgot I took this picture. I thought I'd try the leggings and tunic look, and I like it a lot! It's what I wore all day last Thursday, including to the Bunco party.  I'm holding the consolation prize I earned for not winning anything else. So here's a big heart for all my friends on Susan's.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181008/c4f79ff9416920b3fa5d0bd25b18c7d8.jpg)

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 08, 2018, 10:36:20 AM
Oh, I kinda forgot I took this picture. I thought I'd try the leggings and tunic look, and I like it a lot! It's what I wore all day last Thursday, including to the Bunco party.  I'm holding the consolation prize I earned for not winning anything else. So here's a big heart for all my friends on Susan's.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181008/c4f79ff9416920b3fa5d0bd25b18c7d8.jpg)

Stephanie

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie: 
You look really pretty in your  "leggings and tunic look"  photo.   
You pull off the dressy/casual look perfectly!!!

Thank you for sharing your terrific picture with your followers.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 08, 2018, 10:36:20 AM
Oh, I kinda forgot I took this picture. I thought I'd try the leggings and tunic look, and I like it a lot! It's what I wore all day last Thursday, including to the Bunco party.  I'm holding the consolation prize I earned for not winning anything else. So here's a big heart for all my friends on Susan's.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181008/c4f79ff9416920b3fa5d0bd25b18c7d8.jpg)

Stephanie

Ah Stephanie! I love that outfit. You look great in it. I love the flats too. I have bought 3 pair of ballet flats and still have yet to find a pair that fits. No more online shoe stores. I'm going to the brick and mortars from now on.

Hugs,
Donica.

Quote from: Jayne01 on October 07, 2018, 04:11:17 PM
Sorry I didn't respond sooner to all your wonderful updates. For some reason the tapatalk app skipped a whole bunch of posts when it presented me with what it thought was the first unread message.

Hi Jayne!

I, too, have been having funky problems with Tapatalk. It will skip large chunks of messages, and repeat others. I wonder if the paid version works better? It's just so much easier to use on a mobile device, which is what usually check in with.

Quote
Wow!!! Congratulations on so many levels. FFS is big news. 4th December will get here so quickly. I am so happy for you to be getting what you have clearly been wanting for a long time. Although so many people tell you that you don't need FFS, myself included, you are the one that needs to be happy looking in the mirror. So I am in full support of you doing whatever it is you need.

Well thank you, and everyone else, for your kind comments. I've explained why I think I need it, but in a nutshell, you all only see the pictures I've carefully vetted and edited. Some day I'll feel able to send you a straight up candid picture with no makeup, but that won't happen for a while. It'll be a great day when I feel I can do that. It'll mean that I finally think that I've made it and completed my transition.

Quote
You will look so different without glasses. Will you be treating us to a preview of Stephanie without glasses photo before you get your contacts or will you make us wait?

I get fitted for contacts on Wednesday. Maybe I'll let you all in on the look when that happens, but I intend to continue with the glasses in person until I get back from Spain. I want to make as much of an impact as possible then. Until Wednesday, though, pics without glasses are kind of hit and miss. My vision is so bad without them I can hardly see to aim the camera!

Another thing I was considering as an addition to the change is a new hairstyle. In this picture from my birthday the angle and the way my hair was pushed back kind of makes me look like I have a shoulder length style. I kind of like it. What do you think?

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181008/67c547d3ad49a3ba43b2cfd0d1a73225.jpg)

Quote
It will be interesting to see how switching to injections will go for you. At the very least, not having to take daily pills for your E will be a positive thing. I know that when I got my implant, I had a psychological boost knowing that I no longer need to take daily pills for my female hormones. The implant is the closest I could get to having my own ovaries. I would think that E injections come close to giving that same feeling. I hope you get the results you are hoping for.

I have been reading up on Dr. Will Powers' theories on estrone vs. estradiol and his argument is very convincing. Implants would have the same effect as injections, so you are definitely on the right track. I encourage everyone to look up drwillpowers on Facebook and download his PowerPoint presentation to see if you agree with his conclusions.

Quote
I too am very lucky to have such an accepting family. Like you, I recognise that good fortune but also have periods of feeling a slight sense of guilt because not everybody is this lucky.

While I really feel for my brothers and sisters who are having a harder time, the best I can do is send my sympathy and love, and move on to handle the challenges in my own life. Which I'm happy to say are getting fewer and fewer.

Quote
Keep soaring girl. It's a real treat seeing you so happy.

You too, girlfriend! Part of why I'm flying so high is due to watching my friends like you and @Faith summiting your own mountains! Congratulations!!

Stephanie

Steph, I refuse to tell you how great I think you look. Your head is already flying high while the rest of you is grounded. I'll just keep it to myself.

edit:
.. oh crap, now I feel bad. I didn't fully comprehend that last line when I posted mine.

Hey Steph, you look AWESOME in that outfit ... :D

Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 12:07:11 PM
Steph, I refuse to tell you how great I think you look. Your head is already flying high while the rest of you is grounded. I'll just keep it to myself.

edit:
.. oh crap, now I feel bad. I didn't fully comprehend that last line when I posted mine.

Hey Steph, you look AWESOME in that outfit ... :D

Thank you, Faith. I'm learning from @Alaskan Danielle that girls always accept compliments with grace.

It was close, though. I almost called you a mean girl.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 08, 2018, 01:31:39 PM
.... I almost called you a mean girl ....

:( :icon_tears:

Quote from: Faith on October 08, 2018, 01:42:21 PM
[emoji20] :icon_tears:

I said "almost!!"

I din't!

Quote from: Faith

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 08, 2018, 01:31:39 PM
.... I almost called you a mean girl ....

:( :icon_tears:

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 08, 2018, 01:50:44 PM
I said "almost!!"

I din't!

I'm not a mean girl, I just say mean things sometimes ... unfortunately, it's true. It's something I built up over my 'him' years and I am trying really hard to rid myself of it.

Quote from: Jayne01 on October 07, 2018, 04:11:17 PMYou will look so different without glasses. Will you be treating us to a preview of Stephanie without glasses photo before you get your contacts or will you make us wait?

I read this again and got curious. So I decided to give previewing a possible new look a try. I tied my hair back, took off my glasses,  and semi-randomly pointed the camera. Please be kind...

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181009/2552cdf23ed4c2aca9a33260d13e1920.jpg)

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 09, 2018, 02:12:20 AM
I read this again and got curious. So I decided to give previewing a possible new look a try. I tied my hair back, took off my glasses,  and semi-randomly pointed the camera. Please be kind...

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181009/2552cdf23ed4c2aca9a33260d13e1920.jpg)

Stephanie

I was always told,

Quote"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"

Well, Stephanie, I'm not saying anything but that quote isn't why. I have too many words in my head and none of them are good enough.

Staphanie, you look great! 

You look great Stephanie. The shorter hair look works for you. Where did you get that smile girl?

Donica.

Wow! great new look!

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 09, 2018, 02:12:20 AM
I read this again and got curious. So I decided to give previewing a possible new look a try. I tied my hair back, took off my glasses,  and semi-randomly pointed the camera. Please be kind...

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181009/2552cdf23ed4c2aca9a33260d13e1920.jpg)

Stephanie

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
I will definitely be very kind....  wow, no glasses, shorter appearing hair.... I think your new look is very nice but also in all of your other recent pictures that you have posted you look very lovely as well.

Are you thinking of getting your hair styled and trimmed in a shorter style?   
.... about the present length of mine perhaps?

This last summer I had my hair trimmed to my present length in my Avatar/profile picture... last winter my hair length was well below my shoulders and I felt that I wanted a a change and I must say the shorter style is so nice to manage in the mornings after a shower.... and I have had so many compliments about it.   
I did get quite a few PMs asking me if it was hard to cut down my longer hair....  many transitioners have taken so long to grow out their hair to shoulder length and beyond that they do not want to ever have a short hair style again thinking that it would take away from there passing ability.   I always replied that there are just so many shorter and very feminine hair styles that a shorter hair style does not take away from appearing convincingly feminine.

I trust that you do what you will want to do with your appearance...
....you always have such nice photos of yourself and your infectious smile that you always have....
it is so wonderful for all of us to see.

Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Faith on October 09, 2018, 05:32:24 AM
I was always told,
Well, Stephanie, I'm not saying anything but that quote isn't why. I have too many words in my head and none of them are good enough.

Think hard. You can do it. I believe in you!!

Thank you Kathy and Donica and Sarah. I think I'll go with it!

Stephanie

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 09, 2018, 10:04:45 AM
@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
I will definitely be very kind....  wow, no glasses, shorter appearing hair.... I think your new look is very nice but also in all of your other recent pictures that you have posted you look very lovely as well.

Are you thinking of getting your hair styled and trimmed in a shorter style?   
.... about the present length of mine perhaps?

This last summer I had my hair trimmed to my present length in my Avatar/profile picture... last winter my hair length was well below my shoulders and I felt that I wanted a a change and I must say the shorter style is so nice to manage in the mornings after a shower.... and I have had so many compliments about it.   
I did get quite a few PMs asking me if it was hard to cut down my longer hair....  many transitioners have taken so long to grow out their hair to shoulder length and beyond that they do not want to ever have a short hair style again thinking that it would take away from there passing ability.   I always replied that there are just so many shorter and very feminine hair styles that a shorter hair style does not take away from appearing convincingly feminine.

I trust that you do what you will want to do with your appearance...
....you always have such nice photos of yourself and your infectious smile that you always have....
it is so wonderful for all of us to see.

Ha! Funny you should call my smile "infectious" after Kathy called me STAPHanie!

When I was a kid in the 60's my dad made me wear a buzz cut. This was when all boys and girls had long hair. It was torture! I've had long hair for about 25 years now, probably overcompensation for all that pain back then. I did trim it back when I moved to Florida in 2002, and I kind of liked it, but I missed it long, too, and I swore then that I'd never cut it again. Well... things have changed a bit since then!

I am pretty serious about shortening it. I want to make as large of a change from the past as possible when I get back from Spain. I might not go quite as short as yours, though if that's what it takes to be as cute as you, let's start trimming!

Thank you for the compliments!

Stephanie

Quote from: Donica on October 09, 2018, 08:24:55 AM
Where did you get that smile girl?

I don't know. It just showed up about 16 months ago and won't go away. I hardly ever saw it before then!

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 09, 2018, 01:37:39 PM
Ha! Funny you should call my smile "infectious" after Kathy called me STAPHanie!

Aaaargh!!!  Sorry about that.  My fingers make the weirdest typos.  A vs. E, P vs. B, F vs. V.  And I type Spoonerisms, too.  OK, I admit it, I'm weird!  (If you want confirmation of that, just tell my wife that I'm normal, and watch her roll her eyes!)

Quote from: KathyLauren on October 09, 2018, 02:37:47 PM
Aaaargh!!!  Sorry about that.  My fingers make the weirdest typos.  A vs. E, P vs. B, F vs. V.  And I type Spoonerisms, too.  OK, I admit it, I'm weird!  (If you want confirmation of that, just tell my wife that I'm normal, and watch her roll her eyes!)

Not a problem, Kathy. I thought it was funny. Here's something for your wife:

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181009/43eab852214f4935b4386b73fcc3ca64.jpg)

STEPHanie

Just a couple of fun photos.

@SassyCassie   and I went to Alexander Springs on Sunday. The water is the same temperature all year long as it boils out of the aquifer, which is to say it's "refreshing," i.e., cold! It took me a long time to finally get in up to my neck, and after we cooled off it was time for lunch, a little music, and lots of relaxing. With pleasant weather and company it was a very nice day.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181010/6bef98fa2d1adc6f728259f31e2a4133.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181010/2e122f751d7a36188f381bf0dca273d6.jpg)

It took actual effort to consider the enormity of what we were doing. A year ago it would have been unthinkable, but when I didn't force myself to dwell on it, it was just life as usual: a couple of cute chicks out enjoying the day. Nobody looked twice except to appreciate the view, and it was just the new normal.

Stephanie

SQUEEE!

I got it! Injection lessons and my first dose on Thursday. Buh-bye pills!

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181010/2e211760c780c80c946c0b4da2381f13.jpg)

Squeeeful Stephie

My apologies if you explained this earlier in the thread, but why the switch from pills to injections?

Quote from: Jennifer M on October 09, 2018, 10:49:54 PM
My apologies if you explained this earlier in the thread, but why the switch from pills to injections?

Hello Jennifer!

I think this will clarify it for you:  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=241033.msg2182050#msg2182050 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=241033.msg2182050#msg2182050)

You can download and study the presentation Dr. Powers created by visiting his Facebook page. Search for drwillpowers.

You can also listen to interviews with him here:  https://www.doatw.com/episode-list/2017/1/25/episode-57-dr-powers (https://www.doatw.com/episode-list/2017/1/25/episode-57-dr-powers)

and here:  https://www.doatw.com/episode-list/2017/5/24/episode-67-dr-powers-2 (https://www.doatw.com/episode-list/2017/5/24/episode-67-dr-powers-2).

I'll answer any questions you've got as best as I can, but I'm not the expert by any means. Dr. Powers presents interesting information, but everyone should work with their doctors on their HRT.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 09, 2018, 09:52:15 PM
Just a couple of fun photos.

@SassyCassie   and I went to Alexander Springs on Sunday. The water is the same temperature all year long as it boils out of the aquifer, which is to say it's "refreshing," i.e., cold! It took me a long time to finally get in up to my neck, and after we cooled off it was time for lunch, a little music, and lots of relaxing. With pleasant weather and company it was a very nice day.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181010/6bef98fa2d1adc6f728259f31e2a4133.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181010/2e122f751d7a36188f381bf0dca273d6.jpg)

It took actual effort to consider the enormity of what we were doing. A year ago it would have been unthinkable, but when I didn't force myself to dwell on it, it was just life as usual: a couple of cute chicks out enjoying the day. Nobody looked twice except to appreciate the view, and it was just the new normal.

Stephanie

@Steph2.0   @SassyCassie
Dear Stephanie and Cassie:
You two girls look absolutely terrific ....  what a difference that a year makes.

Definitely you are beautiful girls of leisure.

Thank you for posting and sharing... wonderful pictures.   

Meanwhile where I live I have broken out the winter coats, the tops with sleeves, gloves, hats, etc.

Oh, one more thing... are you in the possible path of the latest hurricane hitting the panhandle??
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 10, 2018, 12:03:31 AM
@Steph2.0   @SassyCassie
Dear Stephanie and Cassie:
You two girls look absolutely terrific ....  what a difference that a year makes.

Definitely you are beautiful girls of leisure.

Thank you for posting and sharing... wonderful pictures.   

Meanwhile where I live I have broken out the winter coats, the tops with sleeves, gloves, hats, etc.

Oh, one more thing... are you in the possible path of the latest hurricane hitting the panhandle??
Hugs,
Danielle

The thought of hanging out in a park in a swimsuit would have been terrifying a year ago for sure! As for leisure, well, you grab such moments when you can.

I admit that I've been envious of the cooler dryer weather and the beautiful scenery you got to enjoy all summer, while it was so incredibly hot and humid for an outrageously long summer here. It's still going into the upper 80s to 90 degrees F here this week. I should be able to have my windows and doors open by now, but it's coming soon, and I'll finally be able to enjoy one of the big reasons for living here.

As for Michael, it looks like he'll be due west of us about 8am, and about 250 mikes away in the Gulf. The worst they're forecasting for us is 20 MPH winds and 60% chance of rain if he sticks to his forecast path. I don't personally know of any Susan's members in Florida who are in his path. Thanks for asking!

Stephanie

Yup! As usual Steph! I miss a day and your thread goes viral. You and Cassie are Looking good a the water hole. I haven't worn my one piece yet but I'm sure it would be the norm for me too because I would be more into the relaxing fun than what everybody else is thinking.

I made a mistake. I see my Endo next week, not this week. I am going to talk to her about the injection as well. She will probably request more lab work first. I already take so many pill, it would be nice to loose the little blues.

And again Steph! You always know just what to say ;D. I am LMAO at that rolling eyes picture. I wish I had just half of your talent.

Oh my BTW??? I hope you are in a safe place out of the way from the approaching hurricane. Stay safe girl!!!

Hugs girl!
Donica.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 10, 2018, 03:56:41 AM
The thought of hanging out in a park in a swimsuit would have been terrifying a year ago for sure! As for leisure, well, you grab such moments when you can.

I admit that I've been envious of the cooler dryer weather and the beautiful scenery you got to enjoy all summer, while it was so incredibly hot and humid for an outrageously long summer here. It's still going into the upper 80s to 90 degrees F here this week. I should be able to have my windows and doors open by now, but it's coming soon, and I'll finally be able to enjoy one of the big reasons for living here.

As for Michael, it looks like he'll be due west of us about 8am, and about 250 mikes away in the Gulf. The worst they're forecasting for us is 20 MPH winds and 60% chance of rain if he sticks to his forecast path. I don't personally know of any Susan's members in Florida who are in his path. Thanks for asking!

Stephanie

Good on you girls for getting out there in your swimsuits...I am still not game enough to go out in public but it does say just how great you have progressed in such a short time and the fantastic confidence to do it.


Each time I catch up on you thread I marvel at you remarkable transformation...inspiring stuff


Take care

Liz

Thank you, Donica. My suit is actually a two-piece, a swim skirt and a long top. The problem with the top is I don't have enough there yet to fill it, so I have to be careful it doesn't cup open and show what little I do have. I have a little clippy thingy that holds the straps together in the back that holds things in place better, but I forgot it on Sunday. I also bought a bikini top that matches the swim skirt, and that actually works a lot better, but I chickened out on wearing it. I'm not proud of my belly right now...

Thanks for the nice comments Liz! It seems like things are moving at a glacial pace until I look back and realize it's only been about 18 months since I began this journey. I'm hoping and planning that by this time next year I will have accomplished all my goals and can live complete for the first time in my life. Time's a'wastin'!


Stephanie

I got fitted for contact lenses yesterday. It was at the office where I'd inadvertently surprised my doctor last time I was there because, even though I'd changed the name in my records months ago, they'd neglected to change the gender marker. He was a bit taken aback by my presentation and had to ask whether I was transitioning. He was fine with it and had the gender changed immediately, but it had never been my intention to spring it on him like that. This time I apologized for that, and again he was fine.

It turns out, though, that I'm not a great candidate for contacts. We decided to try it anyway, but I'll have a single-vision contact in my right eye, and a bifocal in the left. He didn't have the exact prescription in stock, so he gave me some "starters" that are close to practice with.

They work okay. Unlike lenses I'd tried in the late 70s they are comfortable on my eyes. Focus is not bad for distance, and should get better with the right lenses. But close-up isn't great, which is a tragedy if I can't use Tapatalk on my phone to keep up with all y'all. If that doesn't get better I may have to give up on the idea.

And getting them out! My eyes are not at all happy about me sticking my fingers in them. My eyelids are still sore from trying to hold them out of the way so I could repeatedly poke myself in the eyes yesterday. I feel like I've been abused by Moe from the Three Stooges: "You knucklehead, why I oughtta..." *POINK* *BONK*


Stephanie

I gave up on contacts, ended up with lasik. I could get them in and out good enough, after lots of practice, but chronic dry eye .. bleh .. plus I had severe astigmatism. The contacts had to stay in a certain orientation. The contacts moved every time I blinked.

bifocal is tricky to get used to, similar to dealing with my astigmatism.

now I don't worry at all. a few drops, a slice, a few laser zaps. No more glasses or contacts.

Quote from: Faith on October 11, 2018, 09:53:54 AM
I gave up on contacts, ended up with lasik. I could get them in and out good enough, after lots of practice, but chronic dry eye .. bleh .. plus I had severe astigmatism. The contacts had to stay in a certain orientation. The contacts moved every time I blinked.

bifocal is tricky to get used to, similar to dealing with my astigmatism.

now I don't worry at all. a few drops, a slice, a few laser zaps. No more glasses or contacts.

Doc did say that despite my advanced age, I'm a good candidate for Lasik, though I'd still need reading glasses. The only disqualifier is the $3,500 - $4,000 I'd have to cough up to make it happen. FFS and GCS first, please.


Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 11, 2018, 09:56:39 AM
Doc did say that despite my advanced age, I'm a good candidate for Lasik, though I'd still need reading glasses. The only disqualifier is the $3,500 - $4,000 I'd have to cough up to make it happen. FFS and GCS first, please.


Stephanie

I hear you there, or see you :P. I'd worn glasses since I was ~9 .. they were turning into goggles. My Mom paid for lasik before she passed or I wouldn't have gotten it done either.

I have dual focus. One eye for distance, one for close. I don't need reading glasses. I do have a pair for distance when night driving (the near eye sometimes blurs things too much at night) I rarely need to wear them. Takes, maybe, a week to adjust to shifting the dominant eye depending on what you are doing. I prefer it over bifocals and if they were the same focus I'd need a pair of glasses on me all the time.

Quote from: Faith on October 11, 2018, 10:03:18 AM
I hear you there, or see you :P. I'd worn glasses since I was ~9 .. they were turning into goggles. My Mom paid for lasik before she passed or I wouldn't have gotten it done either.

I have dual focus. One eye for distance, one for close. I don't need reading glasses. I do have a pair for distance when night driving (the near eye sometimes blurs things too much at night) I rarely need to wear them. Takes, maybe, a week to adjust to shifting the dominant eye depending on what you are doing. I prefer it over bifocals and if they were the same focus I'd need a pair of glasses on me all the time.

Very interesting! I had assumed that something like dual-focus would lead to headaches. I suppose that's what my contacts amount to, though, so I'll have a chance to test out the concept while I save my pennies.


Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 11, 2018, 10:06:26 AM
Very interesting! I had assumed that something like dual-focus would lead to headaches. I suppose that's what my contacts amount to, though, so I'll have a chance to test out the concept while I save my pennies.


Stephanie

I could have went bifocal in the near eye to help with close-up work .. but, like I said, I don't like bifocal.  I don't know if they can do something similar to bifocal with lasik.

Quote from: Faith on October 11, 2018, 10:23:23 AM
I could have went bifocal in the near eye to help with close-up work .. but, like I said, I don't like bifocal.  I don't know if they can do something similar to bifocal with lasik.

One thing I did notice that I liked was the ability to focus close when looking up. The progressive lenses in my glasses don't allow that, which is a real pain when working under a high-wing plane. I could have gotten some special lenses for that, but I have too many glasses already.


Stephanie

I am near in the left eye and far in the right eye. Most of the time I don't wear glasses however I have two sets. One is set up for driving and the other is at screen distance for when I am doing intensive computer work. If you decide to go with contacts, you could do what I do or decide on being near or far sighted without glasses then have glasses that correct for the other. I could use bifocals however looking out the bottom when using a computer wouldn't work most of the time so I felt it was better just to have single vision in all my glasses.

A Tiny Dot

I'm feeling contemplative tonight.

It doesn't look like much. You can hardly see it. But it may very well represent a new page in my story. After 16 months of HRT, with - in my perception - minimal changes, today, on National Coming Out Day, I retired those little green pills and took my first injection of estradiol valerate. That tiny dot is where the needle delivered its dose of magic.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181012/561d9da5a6e588e62310a59578feb88d.jpg)

I've covered the reason for the change in previous posts. If Doctor Powers' theories are correct, I may be seeing substantial changes in the next 3-6 months. To quote him: "4 months after correction of the [estradiol/estrone] ratio, the patient physically looked quite different and has noted increased feminization facially as well as much better breast development and adipose redistribution." In an interview he noted that one of his patients "looked like a different person." I'm not expecting miracles, but it does sound promising, and certainly worth a try.

On June 21st, 2017, I took my first dose of estradiol and spiro. It was a deeply meaningful moment, but I knew so little back then. Today feels much the same, but with the added benefit of all the knowledge and experience I've gained in those short 16 months. I have to wonder if this can be counted as yet another milestone.

All of those memories. All of that knowledge. All of the thoughts of the future. All represented by a tiny dot.

Stephanie

For the lady with the tiny dot, good for you!  ;D

We all have our preferences and there are many choices today. How well you respond really depends on your hormone blood levels and genetics. Genetics plays the most important part of each persons final result. Since we are really a combination of our parents genetics, expect to look like female relatives, from both sides of your family.

I am writing this at 4 AM because I am just up early today and I cannot get back to sleep. Oh, by the way, you have a PM from me.

Gosh Stephanie! I get absorbed in my own life for a minute and you go on living your life without me! What's that all about? [emoji23]

I have just read the last 30 or 40 posts I missed to catch up. The shorter hair look suits you, as do the no glasses. Reading on I discover that contacts are not a straightforward option for you with your prescription requirements. Then Faith jumps in with her dual focus eyes. I had no idea that was a thing. How interesting. I'm having trouble understanding how that may feel. I might pop one of the lenses out of my old reading glasses and see what that feels like.

Congratulations? on switching to E injections. I hope you see the improvements you are hoping for with the injections. Genetics play a major role in the effectiveness of HRT.

Tour trip to Spain is fast approaching. Are you excited/nervous/anxious?

Hugs,
Jayne

Quote from: Jayne01 on October 12, 2018, 01:00:57 PM
Your trip to Spain is fast approaching. Are you excited/nervous/anxious?

YES!

I'm with you and Faith on the bifocals. I hate them but I can live without them. I know right? Trying to find the fuel drain hole under the wing of a 172 is the pits. Well, that's not exactly true. I didn't need glasses back when I was flying, But I sure need them now. Good luck finding anything under to dashboard, not to mention having to bend my neck so far down just to see the stairs. Jezzz, My neck hurts. I do keep a pair of non-bifocal reading glasses just for that occasion.

I'm going to make a copy of Dr. Powers theories for my appointment next week with my Endo. Please keep us posted on changes from the injections.

Donica.

Stephanie, I used to just turn my progressive lens glasses upside down when I had to work close looking up...i.e. working under a car.

Tia Anne

People seemed puzzled when I wore sunglasses that way in Australia.

Quote from: Anne Blake on October 12, 2018, 05:09:25 PM
Stephanie, I used to just turn my progressive lens glasses upside down when I had to work close looking up...i.e. working under a car.

Tia Anne

Oh my Tia! What a great idea! Thanks! It works great. I just hook the glasses under my ears and they stay pretty good. Wow! I love my bifocals again.

Donica.

Quote from: Anne Blake on October 12, 2018, 05:09:25 PM
Stephanie, I used to just turn my progressive lens glasses upside down when I had to work close looking up...i.e. working under a car.

I thought to myself, "Stephanie, you're an idiot! Why didn't you think of that?" So I turned them over, and couldn't see a darned thing. My eyes are different enough from each other that turning them over, with the consequential switching of lenses left to right, made it impossible to see anything, much less up. Oh well. It seemed like a great idea there for a minute, but I guess it won't work for me.


Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on September 30, 2018, 10:02:50 PM
On October 7th, 2017, I met an old friend, J, and his wife K for dinner. Though we'd known each other for years, they would be meeting me for the first time. J had put together a small group of friends who hung out together and had formed some traditions at the yearly Sun-N-Fun fly-in in Florida. Years ago I had been unexpectedly welcomed and given a hat signifying I was part of the group, and always enjoyed their company. They had always treated me well, but I had worries, because they were what many would consider "Southern Rednecks."

I heard through my grapevine that J had heard through his grapevine about my transition, so I contacted him to come clean and let him know that if he thought it would be too uncomfortable for everyone, I was prepared to turn in my hat. I have seldom seen him so angry. He cut loose on me for thinking that I would be anything but welcome in the group no matter what. He considers the group to be family, and once you're welcomed into it, you're loved regardless.

So we went to dinner. It was in my fairly early days of living full-time, and I was presenting hardly more than androgynously. And they were awesome. This spring at Sun-N-Fun I was treated as a member of the group just as always. But I had no idea just how awesome some of them were.

A few weeks ago I got a text from J. He wanted my mailing address so he could pass it on to his stepson. And last week I got an invitation from his stepson to attend his wedding in November. His stepson had specifically asked J to get the information because he really wanted to invite me.

Our dinner last October was with minimal presentation, and Sun-N-Fun is a casual event with jeans and shorts the usual uniform. But now I get to attend a wedding with many of the same people there, and I intend to dress up and let them see who Stephanie has become since they last saw me. I am completely blown away by how wonderful my friends are.

I hope I get to dance with J.

Stephanie

How wonderful Stephanie!!
It's great when old friends become new friends for us!

I have just completed a wonderful weekend, one that included events I never thought I would experience. Once again I'll break them up a little to try to avoid the TL;DR [Too Long; Didn't Read] situation I suspect most readers succumb to when they see the walls of text I present them with.

Friday Evening, October 12th, 2018

I got to meet Doctor Marci Bowers.

This is Pride Week in Orlando. Through a Series of Fortunate Events, Dr. Bowers agreed to come to town to ride a float in the Pride Parade, and a local group arranged to have her do a dinner presentation. As soon as I saw the announcement, I snagged tickets for Cassie and me.

We got dressed up for the event and had a very nice dinner  while the Doctor gave her presentation.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181015/dcae026de0becb9ea70cd531cb260b84.jpg)

She described how she had gotten started in her career, ending up in obstetrics before transition, and how after transition she was rejected for job after job that she had been enthusiastically recruited for - until they found out she was transgender. All of that led to her closer association with Dr. Bieber in Trinidad, CO, and the launching of her career that we're all familiar with.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181015/9067525d9d4d1384a4153adc3907a427.jpg)

She also spoke with passion about her work helping to correct the effects of FGM (Feminine Genital Mutilation), which is still practiced in parts of the world.

I had been hoping for a Q&A session after her presentation, but it never happened. She went back to her table, and I was prepared to leave with some questions unanswered. As I talked with the others at my table, though, I could see people visiting with the doctor, and it seemed she was welcoming them. I was still hesitant to interrupt her, though I was slowly reaching the point where I was going to boldly march over there, when Cassie grabbed my hand and pulled me to the table. She wanted to talk with someone else there, and she pointed toward the doctor and said, "go!"  I went.

I'm so glad I did. I found Marci Bowers to be a warm, friendly person, and immediately got a hug. After some small talk I was able to ask what I knew she could answer. I told her that I'd had a consultation with Dr. Ting's team at Mt. Sinai hospital in New York, knowing that he was using peritoneal tissue as part of his vaginoplasty procedure. She explained the methods and reasons it was used. But when I brought up the "pull-through" method that there is so much chatter about, where the entire vaginal canal is created using peritoneal tissue, she was completely dismissive. She explained when it did and didn't make sense to use it, and believes that the inversion method we're familiar with is still by far the best, with some enhancement using peritoneal tissue possible.

We talked about a few other things regarding my personal situation that I'm not comfortable with sharing yet, and I left her to talk with other folks. It was a an unexpectedly warm and informative encounter. I'm so glad I went.

That was all great for me, but all was not perfect. The only unhappy note was when I realized that my best friend would not be able to use any of the information that I had learned, because of our crummy health care system. @SassyCassie describes it in her own thread, and I encourage you to go read her side of the story. I felt terrible after I'd gushed to her about the possibilities available to me, then realized none of them were open to her. In two words, It Sucks. She is going to have to leave our country to take care of her medically necessary needs. And who knows? When the new health plans are published on November 1st, I may find that I'll need to go with her for my own surgeries, if my insurance company decides they no longer care to cover GCS. It's a real possibility that many of us are worried about. I repeat, It Sucks.

So the evening was a mix of emotions for me. The happiness I experienced for myself was tempered by the sadness and concern I felt for a person who means so much to me. It just shows the importance of joining or continuing the fight for ourselves, since there are few who will fight for us, and many who are actively fighting against us.

And vote!


Stephanie

Yes, I read SassyCassie's post on her health care coverage. It does suck how different the health care providers can be with their coverage. I sure hope they don't change anything for the worst in November. That would just put all of us back under that dark cloud we all came from. I'm hoping that Cassie's coverage will change for the better.

Congratulations on meeting Dr. Bowers. I would have sooo loved to be there. I think I would have choked when speaking with her.

Warm hugs and staying hopeful and positive for Cassie!
Ok, I guess you get a BIG HUG too Steph ;D.
Donica.

I started to tell you all about my awesome weekend and only got the first story written before I was overwhelmed with a busy schedule

So here's what happened on Saturday, October 13th, 2018.

[First of all, Saturday marks a year since I came out to the world on Facebook. I posted all about it in this thread back then, so there's no point in discussing it. It just seemed appropriate because...]

I did something that I hadn't had the slightest interest in, and I'm so glad I did. It turned out to be one of the most emotional things I've done.

Last week was Pride Week in Orlando. @SassyCassie  had shown me pictures of when she'd walked in the parade last year, and how incredible it had been. I was happy for her, but my line of thinking was, above and beyond my slowly-crumbling resolve to "fly under the radar" and avoid activism, that I had "no interest in being displayed like a circus animal." And to be honest, I was a little bit nervous. After all, Orlando is where the Pulse tragedy happened. There are haters out there, and I had no idea how many would show up at something like this, or what they'd do. That, along with Cassie's admission that she wasn't really interested either, had me dismissing it as something I'd rather avoid.

However, as the time got closer, and I heard more friends talking about it, I started to wonder whether I was being biased and making an unfair assessment based on ignorance. It was only right that I should at least check it out, but I didn't want to go alone. I was just about to ask Cassie if she'd go with me anyway, when she told me she'd changed her mind, and would I like to join her with our support group in the parade? Duh.

We gathered around 3pm, put on our T-Network T-shirts, got our little T-flags and T-ribbons, decorated the T-ruck, and got out the T-banner.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/17c5294aba28893637a20763cc92dcf8.jpg)

It was interesting that the religious zealots haranguing us on our corner were treated more with humor than anger. They, of course, just got angrier. One guy's face was so red I thought he was going to have a stroke right there. In the past such things would have bothered me, but the true love I could sense far overpowered their flavor of hateful love. They were dismissed as inevitable background noise.

A little after 4pm we started out. It was so different - and so much better - than I expected.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/34f025743be556bd03294352629ea0fe.jpg)

One hundred and sixty thousand people attended Orlando Pride, and it felt like all of them were lined up on both sides of the street for the entire route. And they were all cheering for us. I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it yet. All I know is I was on the edge of tears for the entire route, as I am now typing this out.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/2201213978c22a20466ce53668c1eae5.jpg)

Were all those people there just because everybody loves a parade? Were they all part of the LGBT+ community? Did they have family members who were part of our world? Were they allies? Probably all of those and more that I haven't thought of. All I know is I was overwhelmed by all the acceptance and love in the air.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181017/b8d9b6f6f583ba3ba47d26275f8c5a8f.jpg)
I'm not sure who took this picture, but that's my arm!

Everyone was smiling and shouting and waving, and I made a special effort to smile and cheer back at those who were wildly waving the trans flag. I saw at least five women holding signs that said, "Free Mom Hugs!" Cops were giving and getting high fives and hugs...

When the parade ended I had a chance to walk next to Marci Bowers for a bit and say hello again. She'd been riding one of the floats, and from the crowd I heard, "Doctor Bowers! We love you!"

We attended the ceremonies, and learned which politicians, local and state, are in our side. One state congressman spoke, then brought his boyfriend on stage to celebrate his birthday, and was surprised by his boyfriend proposing to him right on stage. He accepted happily and the crowd went crazy. The most prestigious annual service award was given to our own Gina Duncan, a transwoman who heads the transgender support arm of the Equality Council. We are making progress.

We walked around and got snacks, and I continued to marvel at the warm atmosphere; all the people enjoying each other's company, just being themselves, completely open, honest, authentic. It's strange to think that all those friendly people, and the loving, respectful way we all treated each other, is considered wrong and a threat to so many people. What are they afraid of?

I've run out of superlatives. It was an exhausting, emotional, completely fulfilling day. Maybe again next year?

Stephanie

SQUUUUEEEESPLOSION!!!!!! Stephanie!!! It's very liberating and overwhelming. There are so many supportive people at these events that the noise from the religious zealots sounds like a gnat fart in a wind storm. You know the tiny little devils that always end up on your wind screen ;D.

I'm going to the LA Pride Festival next year and a few of us are talking about going to next years Pride Festival in San Diego. I hear they have big Pride Festivals where Michelle lives as well as Laurie's neck of the woods too. You'll be back for more I'm sure.

Big hugs Stephanie!
Donica.

That is awesome that you were in the Pride parade, @Steph2.0 (and @SassyCassie).  Acceptance and love is indeed what it is all about.

Our support group didn't get its act together in time to have a proper entry in the Halifax Pride parade this year, so I didn't bother going.  A little village down the road, population 500, had their first ever Pride parade this year.  I wanted to go but couldn't make it.  I will go next year.

I'm so glad you got to go, and to march, Steph! I attended my first Pride this summer myself, here in conservative Colorado Springs. It was amazingly well attended and supportive. I didn't hear a single protester.

The group I belong to didn't have an entry in the parade, so I made friends with somebody in the atheists group and they let me march with them.

I recommend the experience for anybody who has one nearby.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

So much going on with you...I can hardly keep up...Congrats on your first pride!! 

You know what they say the haters gonna hate...I love the idea of disarming people with humour and to see them melt down because of it just makes it all the sweeter.


You two looked like you were having a great time...thanks for sharing


Take care

Liz

Quote from: LizK on October 20, 2018, 01:32:35 AM
So much going on with you...I can hardly keep up...Congrats on your first pride!! 

You know what they say the haters gonna hate...I love the idea of disarming people with humour and to see them melt down because of it just makes it all the sweeter.


You two looked like you were having a great time...thanks for sharing


Take care

Liz

Hi Liz,

We had a terrific day that day!

A little while after the parade broke up and Stephanie paid her respects to Dr. Bowers  :D, we went in search of something to nibble on and a place to relax. As we sat on the grass eating pretzels, listening to some very danceable music, and watching people just doing their thing.

A while back during another moment of people-watching, Stephanie had remarked on how most of the people walking past us were just going about their day, perfectly at ease with their minds and bodies in proper alignment, having never even considered the idea that it might ever be otherwise.

This moment during the festival was quite different. We were watching folks who were at ease with themselves and the thousands of others around them in spite of what our various cultural or societal teachings may have ingrained in them.

Just like the two of us sitting on the grass, happily enjoying the moment.

In her own thread, @SassyCassie wrote about a long cross country flight we'll be taking in the plane I built a few years ago. We leave bright and early tomorrow morning. If anyone wants to track our adventures, I'll be posting all about it in the aviation thread  here (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,239966.msg2186635.html#msg2186635). I'll explain how to watch our progress in real-time, and will be posting updates when I can. This is going to be an awesome trip with my BFF!!

Stephanie

It's been a while since I've posted here. I've been so crazy busy, and I love it.

We got back from our flying trip last Wednesday, and now I'm volunteering at the DeLand Sport Aviation Showcase through the weekend. It's a lot like the Sun-N-Fun show back in April, but a little shorter, and for me personally, substantially different.

At Sun-N-Fun practically everyone knew me from before and saw my transition in real time. Here I'm going stealth. Only the organizers and some of the exhibitors know me, and they've been great so far. Everyone else just knows Stephanie, and there has been zero deadnaming or misgendering. It is such a thrill to hear my name and "she," "her," and "hers" with no mistakes ever.

I set up Christine, the problematic trailer we went to Michigan to retrieve back in April. She's behaving herself this time and it's a pretty nice place to stay. @Sassycassie loaned me some special Halloween bodyguards. Here I am under their protection.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181031/5996a68c050170ba2b9a035dbceebc44.jpg)

I've actually been assigned a very visible position, working in the exhibitor check-in tent doing the intellectually challenging stuff with the other ladies, while the guys are running around doing the muscle work. It means I'm going to see all the vendors face-to-face, and that's the only time I could have any trouble. Many of them are folks I've exhibited with for years, so we'll see how it goes.

In the meantime, I'm hanging out with the ladies and bantering about this and that, with airplane talk thrown in for good measure. What a blast!!

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181031/a98c20e0f2cd30cb8d1d1017d103cbc6.jpg)

Stephanie

How fun Stephanie! Great news! Have a Happy Halloween and a great weekend. You know the rules. Pictures or it didn't happen.

Hugs girl!
Donica.

Sounds like fun, Stephanie!

Quote from: Donica on October 31, 2018, 10:39:12 AM
How fun Stephanie! Great news! Have a Happy Halloween and a great weekend. You know the rules. Pictures or it didn't happen.

Hugs girl!
Donica.

I just added a little to my original story, including another picture. Good enough?

Stephanie

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
No fair with you posting your fun in the sun pictures with you dressed in short shorts and a short sleeved tee while sitting in a lawn chair.   Here it is downright cold and I am bundled up just to walk next door from my office to the Coffee Shop....

...but it is a very pretty time and pretty scenery with the snow on the mountains and the hills.
It was -2 deg F very early this morning and right now at 8:45AM here it has gone up to +1 deg F ...   
Later today it is supposed to get up to +15 deg F... a heatwave!!!

Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 31, 2018, 11:53:07 AM
@Steph2.0
It was -2 deg F very early this morning and right now at 8:45AM here it has gone up to +1 deg F ...   
Later today it is supposed to get up to +15 deg F... a heatwave!!!

I'm worried I may have to do the turkey this year on the BBQ.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181031/6f50dcc223d96c602c1f02775059bc3c.png)


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Quote from: Michelle_P on October 31, 2018, 12:08:54 PM
I'm worried I may have to do the turkey this year on the BBQ.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181031/6f50dcc223d96c602c1f02775059bc3c.png)


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

@Michelle_P
Dear Michelle:
Go ahead and rub it in about being nice and warm where you are.....
HOWEVER, the cold weather does create it's "advantages"   ....
(https://i.imgur.com/lXxGMNU.jpg) (https://i.imgur.com/z9crVEE.jpg)

NOTE:  I am doing my turkey in my oven... as a side benefit it helps keep my house warm too.

Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 31, 2018, 11:53:07 AM
@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
No fair with you posting your fun in the sun pictures with you dressed in short shorts and a short sleeved tee while sitting in a lawn chair.   Here it is downright cold and I am bundled up just to walk next door from my office to the Coffee Shop....

...but it is a very pretty time and pretty scenery with the snow on the mountains and the hills.
It was -2 deg F very early this morning and right now at 8:45AM here it has gone up to +1 deg F ...   
Later today it is supposed to get up to +15 deg F... a heatwave!!!

Hugs,
Danielle

Now now, Danielle! I consider this fair play for all of the pictures we've seen from our friends while they're outside enjoying their days frolicking around, not sweating and not having the life sucked out of them by the relentless and horrible, horrible daystar!

Stephanie and I will be sure to toast your good health with our glasses of reasonably-priced wine and fashionable short-shorts!

Oh dear! Sounds like a certain northern sister may need a <<WARM HUG>> We've got plenty of heat for everybody down here.

Ok Stephanie! How did you sneak those pictures in so fast? No they are not going to do. You know the one's I mean. The one's that us Avgal's and all your followers want to see from this weekend.

Donica.

Quote from: SassyCassie on October 31, 2018, 12:37:21 PM
Now now, Danielle! I consider this fair play for all of the pictures we've seen from our friends while they're outside enjoying their days frolicking around, not sweating and not having the life sucked out of them by the relentless and horrible, horrible daystar!

Stephanie and I will be sure to toast your good health with our glasses of reasonably-priced wine and fashionable short-shorts!

@SassyCassie
Well, the good news that you hinted about is why I like here in a cooler climate.... no sweltering heat nor high humidity, no hurricanes, no tornadoes, no traffic jams, no freeways, 2 stoplights in town, I live less than 5 minutes from work, I can walk it in 20-25 minutes in nice weather... and of course there is my next door Coffee Shop.
 
Summertime is nice, usually no temps much more that the 60's, very lovely indeed, and the days are long.  In late June and early July we have 22+ hours of daylight, and the 1 to 2hours or night-time is more like twilight... of course the reverse is true in late December and early January....  interesting place to live with 4 very distinct seasons.

Obviously there are big pluses where you and Stephanie live too...  if we are fortunate it's all about where we choose to live.

Thanks for sharing,
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Donica on October 31, 2018, 01:00:35 PM
Ok Stephanie! How did you sneak those pictures in so fast? No they are not going to do. You know the one's I mean. The one's that us Avgal's and all your followers want to see from this weekend.

What!? I didn't show enough leg?!

Or maybe you mean airplanes!! I'll see what I can do over on the aviation thread. Only about half of the exhibitors have arrived so far, so late tomorrow or Friday will be best for a picture tour.

Nothing but ma'am or ladies or Stephanie or Steph, even from those who knew me before. This is as life should be. [emoji4]

Stephanie

Quote from: SassyCassie on October 31, 2018, 12:37:21 PM
Now now, Danielle! I consider this fair play for all of the pictures we've seen from our friends while they're outside enjoying their days frolicking around, not sweating and not having the life sucked out of them by the relentless and horrible, horrible daystar!

Nassty nassty daystar! It burnses us! We hates it! We hates it forever!

Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 31, 2018, 01:52:38 PM
Nassty nassty daystar! It burnses us! We hates it! We hates it forever!

For sure!!! Eventually we are going to have to move to the fourth Rock to find decent livable temperatures for everyone. I think that nasty daystar is about to swallow this one.

It's been a long, tiring, but awesome day.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181031/ca4c0a8c9a3d015629dea4460937927f.jpg)

As expected, a few exhibitors who knew me before slipped up, but they were minor and not noticed by anyone else.

At one point we gave an exhibitor permission to do something or other, and the lady I was working with told them, "If anyone questions you, just tell them two good looking women told you it was okay."

[emoji4]



Stephanie

Going back to last weekend, the flying club I'm president of had our annual Halloween breakfast fly-in. We open up a hangar and serve an awesome $5 breakfast to anyone who flies or drives in.

A year ago was my first time more or less presenting at one of our fly-ins. I had worn a "blind airline pilot" costume to a local trans support group Halloween party, complete with a nice skirt and pumps and a white cane. At the fly-in I wore pants and sensible shoes, since I was going to be flying a plane with a stick, but still had my hair down with earrings and whatever makeup I knew how to do back then. I kept a low profile, but I did out myself to a few people.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181102/33edfe921f1b100f0b6d6de6649550cb.jpg)

At the next fly-in in January I was presenting a little bit better, but still tended to keep out of the way and stay quiet.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181102/0943be5807f8bc9a47bc4ad2638c7522.jpg)

This time I'd had enough of remaining in the shadows. For the first time ever - in this life or my former one - I worked the serving line. And it was completely fine. I even got a "thank you, Miss" from one young man. Unfortunately I didn't get any posed pictures, but I did find myself in a few other pictures posted to Facebook.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181102/1760f993371d28bea46b1bac11653652.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181102/aa4aaa83e52192a2fc2fa43e4e9f396c.jpg)

After our fly-in we closed up and flew to a lunch fly-in at another airport. There we sat across from some guys who were impressed not just that this woman had flown in, but that she'd also done it in a plane she'd built herself.

It was a pretty cool day!

Stephanie

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie: 
Wonderful photos... and a terrific recap of your recent flying club endeavors.....   
You look good in your uniform!!!   
It definitely looked like you had a great time with your friends and club members.

Thank you for sharing...
Hugs,
Danielle

You look great in that uniform Stephanie. Blind pilot? How funny. Great pictures. Is that yellow and purple aircraft behind you and Cassie a biplane? I looks like an open cockpit? Way to own it Steph. "Ya, that's right! I built it bitches!"

Hugs girl!
Donica.

Great pics, Stephanie!  I am glad you had a good time.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 02, 2018, 01:45:11 PMI had worn a "blind airline pilot" costume to a local trans support group Halloween party, complete with a nice skirt and pumps and a white cane.

Way back when I was a student pilot, the control tower on the base had a huge banner on it, that could be read from all the way across the airfield.  It said "CNIB".  All Canadians know that those initials stand for Canadian National Institute for the Blind.  :D

Back to this week. The DeLand Sport Aviation Showcase continues. To satisfy Kathy and Donica, here are some pics of the displays.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181102/cdee83ad36f897744e336d56961bcffb.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181102/5cfdf352033154641e5ea393d19681e0.jpg)

Everything is still awesome here. I had a really cool heart-to-heart talk with the organizer and her husband yesterday. They are so warm and accepting.

And sometimes it's the little things that are so affirming. I was working the Exhibitor Registration tent this morning and sneezed. About 30 seconds later a guy sitting on a golf cart nearby said "Bless you!" The other guy on his cart was puzzled about why he'd said it. He pointed at me and told him, "Oh, she sneezed about 45 seconds ago and I'm just now blessing her."

I just had a old friend who I haven't seen in a few years show up. He had no idea what I'd been doing, but he still recognized me and could figure it all out. He walked up to the tent with a huge smile on his face and asked, "Okay, what's the new name?" I pulled him aside and explained the situation and that I'm here in stealth mode, and very few people know my story. He was totally cool and happy for me and I got a hug. [emoji4]

My working partner obviously has no idea, and it's so cool. She showed me pictures of her 14 year old granddaughter and a new dress she just bought for a concert. We've just been sharing girl talk all afternoon, and it's just as life should be.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181102/9801928b77651dc2d9e226c5d1893b03.jpg)

Stephanie

Dear Stephanie! Thank you so much for thinking of Kathy and I. You know we love you so mush. It's so great to hear that everyone sees you as Stephanie. But of course we all already knew they would.

Great pictures Steph! And this is going to go on all weekend? Thanks for the updates. Sorry if I seem to be a little sappy today. I'm just in a very good mood.

Hugs,
Donica.

Tomorrow is the last day of the show.

I'm so glad you're feeling happy Donica! I am, too!

I just had another squeeeful moment. I was at the display for the 99's, a women's pilot organization started by Amelia Earhart. There was a young woman there who is just starting her flight training, and had all kinds of questions. I was welcomed into the group and the four of us talked about our experience and what we flew, and I showed pics of a few planes I'd built.

Then she asked one of the best questions I've heard all week: "As women pilots, what's your favorite airplane to fly?"

Squeeeee!!!

Stephanie, it sounds like you have been having a glorious time lately! I am so glad to see and hear about the experiences you have had recently, and all the great responses from friends and strangers alike. I hope you have an awesome weekend!

Quote from: Donica on November 02, 2018, 02:09:27 PM
You look great in that uniform Stephanie. Blind pilot? How funny. Great pictures. Is that yellow and purple aircraft behind you and Cassie a biplane? I looks like an open cockpit? Way to own it Steph. "Ya, that's right! I built it bitches!"

Hugs girl!
Donica.

The biplane behind us isn't mine. It was built by some stranger, bought by a neighbor, and rebuilt by that neighbor after the landing gear collapsed.

I have built plenty of other planes, so I've got lots of pictures I can point to with that comment. [emoji16]

I love the show pictures, Stephanie.  Thanks for posting them.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 02, 2018, 04:16:14 PM
Then she asked one of the best questions I've heard all week: "As women pilots, what's your favorite airplane to fly?"

That is excellent!   ;D

Me and my partner, taking good care of our exhibitors.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181103/c45be628c3581e95b139ee9a44557c28.jpg)

Yes, I was welcomed into the 99's, open only to women pilots.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181103/8737cf658e6b0c51187a256fdec070b3.jpg)

The co-chairs of the local chapter just stopped by our tent on the way out, and said, "Welcome to the team!"

Squeee!




Stephanie

Steph, I just want to say that you've been making some awesome posts. I have been keeping up even in lurk (lurk, not lurch) mode.

A very prestigious honor to be a member of The International Organization of Women Pilots. Congratulations Stephanie. SQUEEE. We have a chapter here at our Van Nuys airport (VNY). Thanks for the great pictures.

Hugs,
Donica.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 03, 2018, 03:34:04 PM
Me and my partner, taking good care of our exhibitors.

Yes, I was welcomed into the 99's, open only to women pilots.

The co-chairs of the local chapter just stopped by our tent on the way out, and said, "Welcome to the team!"

Squeee!




Stephanie

That is truly Squeee-worthy!  :D

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 04, 2018, 11:07:03 AM

Quote from: Steph2.0
The co-chairs of the local chapter just stopped by our tent on the way out, and said, "Welcome to the team!"

That is truly Squeee-worthy!  :D

I'm sure they had no idea how meaningful their welcome was, and which team I was thinking of! [emoji16]

I was reminded of something by a conversation in another thread. I have the exact date I was last in a men's restroom: November 3rd, 2017. It was at Ocala airport on the way to last year's DeLand Sport Aviation Showcase. I didn't feel I was passing well enough to get away with using the ladies room. When I came out, my friend said, out loud where everyone could hear, "Why did you use the men's room? I thought you'd be coming out of the ladies room!" The embarrassment makes it easy to remember.

I was going to the Showcase to out myself to everyone I knew there. And here I am a year later, just back from volunteering at this year's show as my authentic self. What a difference a year makes.


Stephanie

I wrote a while back that I'd been invited to attend a wedding by the son of some good friends. This came out of the blue, since I'd only met the groom once or twice.

Background: Way back in the early 2000's, his step-dad had inducted me into a fun informal fraternal group he'd put together as an excuse for friends to hang out with each other at the big Sun-N-Fun fly-in in Lakeland every year. The group sort of involved "redneck" culture, but defined as respect for each other and having each other's backs if we were having trouble. There are many stories I could write about my experiences in that group, some of which could be regarded as adolescent pranks (shrink-wrapping the control tower in the rotorcraft area, for instance), but many of them were just enjoying each other's company. When I came out I offered to "turn in my hat" but he wouldn't hear of it, and actually got quite angry with me for even considering it. Once a member of the group, always a member. It revolves around the respect thing the group is based on.

The groom had been inducted into the group when he grew up, but he hadn't spent a lot of time hanging out with us at the show. He had met the "new me" at this year's show in the Spring, and seemed to have no problems with it, but considering I only saw him once a year, I never in a million years expected an invitation to his wedding. It did seem, though, that he'd gone out of his way to get my address so he could send an invitation. It felt to me like he was making a gesture of acceptance, and it was a moving thought.

So yesterday I got out my LBD, pumps, and nicer jewelry, and went to his wedding. I wanted to make an impression about how far I'd come even since the spring. I expected drama from friends as they gushed about how good I looked, and hoped to avoid drama as the only trans woman at a redneck wedding. As I got closer I started getting nervous. This place was going to be filled with southern folks, most of whom would be very conservative and religious. I knew I'd be alright with my friends close by, but what about getting back to the parking lot in the dark? My imagination went wild. With supportive texts from @sassycassie, I kept on keeping on. I got there 15 minutes late, just in time to see the end of the ceremony, and we joined the party for the reception.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181111/71666fc0cc6858766f4b9ead123d95d4.jpg)

Very few of my friends from Sun-N-Fun were there, but it didn't matter. I knew the mother and step-father of the groom, the groom himself (so I thought - more on that later), and one other guy, who was there with his wife, whom I'd never met. Everyone else were strangers to me. Nerves were peaking. But...

It was not at all as I'd envisioned. I got up the nerves to walk over to my friend to say hi, and got a hug and, "Hey Steph, how are you doing? Gotta run, they want to take pictures!" I said hello to the mother of the groom, and she was warmly welcoming, but there was no drama, no special recognition. Same with my other friend: "Hey Steph, it's good to see you!" Just old friends welcoming each other. It was almost disorienting, after the way I'd gotten myself worked up.

We sat at a table with three or four other ladies, and we introduced ourselves and talked and bantered like any new acquaintances would. I used the ladies room, and the ladies coming out smiled and held the door for me. The caterers serving canapés used ma'am. Nobody looked twice. It was such an anticlimax, and while it was a bit confusing, I started relaxing. I guess I should have expected such a reaction after all of my recent experiences, but this must be what it's like to live as a ciswoman.

One thing worth noting was the reaction of the groom. I wanted to let him know how much I appreciated him wanting me there, considering... well, you know. I finally found him by himself, and thanked him for his invitation. I got a hug and, "Absolutely! No problem!" The thing is, I'm pretty sure he had no idea who he was hugging. I was just another random woman who got a hug from him that night. Holy smokes!

I talked to my friend at length later on, and found out that the groom had wanted to make sure as many people from the Sun-N-Fun group were there as possible. Apparently he hadn't given my situation a second thought.

As many of us tend to do, I had made this all about myself. We get wrapped up so tightly in our bubbles of overdramatized fear and insecurity, that we don't realize that the rest of the world is moving on and accepting us as ourselves. It means a radical shift in our thought processes. I haven't gotten there yet, but I'm getting progressively closer.

There was no problem walking back to the parking lot, and one guy even wished us a good evening.


Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 11, 2018, 07:57:36 AM
As many of us tend to do, I had made this all about myself. We get wrapped up so tightly in our bubbles of overdramatized fear and insecurity, that we don't realize that the rest of the world is moving on and accepting us as ourselves. It means a radical shift in our thought processes. I haven't gotten there yet, but I'm getting progressively closer.

Stephanie

I have noticed this also. It seems the biggest obstacles I have had to overcome were all in my mind. The fear of going out dressed the first time, the fear of coming out multiple times, and any number of other things we have all been afraid of. I thought the world would be against me, but I was my own worst enemy. Only once we learn to let go of our fears can we begin to be our true selves.

Great update Stephanie. I'm happy to hear it's all coming true for you. You are a lot further along in the confidence department than I am, but I'm catching up. I have to admit I anticipate the worst when first stepping out the door. It feels good when we get through the day as just another one of the gals.

Hugs,
Donica.

I had a little episode last evening that illustrates either the increased confidence I've found, or how tired I've gotten of "just taking it" when someone screws up. Maybe both.

@SassyCassie and I were out shopping (SHOPPING!!) at a Ross store. I had gathered seven different things I wanted to try on, so I trooped back to the dressing rooms. The nice young woman checked the number of items, gave me a number indicating that, then said, "The men's dressing rooms are to the left and the women's are to the right. Use whichever ones you prefer." I was already on my way to the women's side when what she said sank in. WTH?!

As I tried things on I started stewing. What the Hell did she mean by that? Did she clock me? Should I do anything about it? What? At first I was unhappy, then I got angry. It's a good thing I had so many things to try on. It gave me time to calm down.

As I walked out she smiled and took the ones that didn't fit and wished me a nice day. No strangeness at all. But I had to say something. If I didn't get some kind of answer I knew I would steam all night, and probably eventually have a meltdown over it.

So I stopped her and said, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure!"

"Why would you direct me to the men's dressing rooms?"

She seemed confused and said, "During training they tell us to point out where both the men's and women's restrooms and dressing rooms are to everyone. It's just what that ask us to do."

I had my doubts, since I've never had anyone do that before, even in this particular store. So I said, "Well, I was just wondering what you saw," gesturing at myself, "to make you say that."

Her eyes got big and she stuttered out, "Oh no! Nothing like that!! I swear on my children that I honestly never thought anything like that! I'm so sorry if that's how it seemed!"

"It's okay. I was just wondering."

"Oh no! I'm so sorry!!"

We wished each other a good evening and I went back to shopping.

I'm sort of sorry I embarrassed the poor thing, but I'm glad I did it anyway. In the old days I would have had a terrible evening, not knowing what it was all about, and the end result of speaking up ended up being a kind of affirmation.

I guess I've come a long way...

Stephanie

I've been putting off writing this post. I've been wondering if there's any point to it, as it seems only about three or four people actually read this thread any more. I feel much like my friend @Faith , who sometimes feels like she's shouting into a void where no one is listening (it's not true, Faith, but I know why you feel that way).

Almost all my news has been upbeat and happy lately, but as I thought about it, I decided that if there actually is anyone out there, especially those in the early stages, it's worth noting that even when things are going well - even when we feel like so much of transitioning is behind us - we can still run smack into a wall sometimes. I'd been bragging that it had been a very long time since I'd had a major meltdown. Well...

The catalyst for much of this was the conversation I'd had with my neighbor about a month ago. I wrote about it here back then, but in a nutshell, he blamed me for being an oversensitive snowflake; being too conscious of being deadnamed or misgendered. I had suspicions that he was the one who was in danger of melting due to his discomfort with me (despite his protestations to the contrary), so I checked around the neighborhood, and it seemed like he might be the only one with the problem.

But then there was another nail in the coffin. My other neighbor, who lived across from the first one, had a run-in with my wife, who had made the mistake of bruising his fragile ego by correcting him when he misgendered me (I was 700 miles away on our epic flight to Kentucky at the time). Words were said by both sides, and I returned from my trip to a veritable ->-bleeped-<--storm in the neighborhood. Not knowing anything about this, I had marched down to his house to share the details of one of the coolest adventures I'd ever had, and I was completely frozen out. I had been being very careful to acknowledge and thank him when he got it right, and ignore it when he got it wrong. He was trying, and that was a good thing. But then my wife, with the absolute best of intentions, pushed exactly the wrong button, and now I had some serious damage control to do.

We sat down and talked frankly, and he didn't blame me for what she'd done, but he had also reached the conclusion that he was tired of feeling like he was walking on eggshells around me. I tried to explain how I might have had a serious problem earlier, but I was a grownup now, and as long as I knew he was trying, I had no problem with the occasional slip-ups. But he'd decided that he had had enough of feeling on edge about it, and was going to quit beating himself up. He was going to keep trying, still considered himself my friend, and had no problem with my decision to transition... but I shouldn't take it personally if he decided not to go to the same fly-ins or sit at the same tables, or in general distance himself from me.

For both neighbors, distilled down to the essence: I'm your friend and support any changes involving you, as long as everything stays the same.

Since then, I've watched as the group at the other end of the runway take off and fly to lunch - with no invitation to me to go along. At our last fly-in, neither of them said a single word to me, though they were within eyeshot the entire time.

Okay, things have changed in the neighborhood, but so have I. @SassyCassie describes my whole world before transitioning as something that could be held in her hands - essentially this neighborhood was everything to me. Now my world and my entire consciousness has expanded to something that can't be held in outstretched arms, while the neighborhood is still that little hand-held thing, nestled into a corner of my expanded universe.

Except for one thing. That whole world is literally all over the world. I feel I have friends everywhere across the US and the world, mostly because of this wonderful thing we call Susan's. But so few of them are where I can get a hug. Only one special person calls or texts me with suggestions for having fun together, and she has her own obligations, and is over an hour away. There's nobody who calls me up for a spur-of-the-moment shopping trip, dinner out, or invitation to just drop by and chat. I had been having a lot of fun lately with my trip to Kentucky and volunteering at the DeLand Sport Aircraft Showcase, but it was all behind me, and I was back to the real world, where nobody really had time for me. All of the isolation really got to me.

I was also trying to process the results of the elections, along with the news from the HHS, and what that meant to me if I couldn't get my birth certificate changed before I was defined out of existence.

It seemed like I couldn't do anything right all day. I was draining the fuel out of the plane and put a 5 gallon tank under the drain - for 10 gallons of gas. There was 5 gallons all over the hangar floor. I'd gotten my nails done the day before. I wanted to make an impression on everyone at the wedding I was invited to on Saturday, and was really happy with the way they'd turned out. And while working in the yard, I tore off most of the one on the right thumb.

But by far the worst was the horrible dream I'd had of rejection by my BFF. I don't even want to describe it.

Rejection by neighbors. Terrible isolation and loneliness. Everything going wrong all day. Worries about my future. And that terrible terrible dream. I melted down, and stayed melted down all day Thursday. My BFF was out having incredible fun with some of her ciswomen friends who'd invited her out for the night, and didn't realize what I was going through. Knowing that I didn't have friends such as hers who'd do that for me just made the pain worse. When I finally whimpered for a video chat, all she could do was sympathetically watch from 60 miles away while I blubbered into my tablet.

Talking with her always helps, and I finally got some sleep. Next morning was still pretty bleh, looking up lyrics and chords to sad songs, but after sending some emails to Facialteam and a special envelope to Colorado (more on that later), along with some online shopping and occasional text bantering with my BFF, I slowly pulled out of it. Later that afternoon I got a surprise text from one of my snowbird neighbors, inviting me out to dinner. That really made me feel better (despite getting misgendered by him at the restaurant). Saturday my friend and the owner of the plane that we flew to Kentucky came to take it home, and he brought his wonderful wife, who is among my biggest supporters, and his friend, who as far as I know, only knows Stephanie. While waiting for the skies to clear we all went to breakfast at the restaurant where we'd celebrated my name change last December. That evening we went to the wedding, as described above. Sunday I mowed the grass, one of the few things I do that I can see positive results of in a very short time. And surprisingly I actually got an invitation to join the pilots at the other end of the runway to fly to lunch. I had to decline, since I had plans to go shopping with @SassyCassie, as written of above.

By the end of the weekend, I was more or less back to normal.

So, I hadn't intended for this to go on so long, but you know me. To the 2 or 3 people who still read this thread, thanks for sticking with me. If there are any others out there who read but don't write, know that these types of episodes are par for the course. I had a great weekend and things are better now. Know that no matter how deep down you go, it does pass and things will always get better if you let them.

Stephanie

Oh, Stephanie, sometimes the world just drops a sack of hammers on us.  That stinks, of course.

I'm glad you were at least able to unload to your BFF via videochat.  That's much better than nothing, or just typing away online somewhere.

On the neighbors, yeah, folks can get strange that way.  They were comfortable with that guy at the other end of the runway, but now you just aren't one of the guys any more, but a new person, with a past that is completely outside of any context they might have.  That doesn't justify their cutting you out, of course.  I dodged this by relocating as part of going full time, an event that cost me my spouse as well as neighborhood and neighbors.  High price to pay...

Combine that with the hammer blows from the political world and cranky stuff in the hanger, and the day just stinks all around. 

I'd give you a big ole hug if I could, girl.  Let's agree to have some better days this week, OK?\

Well, you can count me as one who occasionally reads your thread Stephanie. Have a dark chocolate (((hug))).

We all have good days and bad. I have a lingering issue related to one of my cars. When I re-registered it in MY name, the bank released the lien on it. That allowed me to put my name on it, but the loan is still in my dead name. Now my bank wants to get that fixed. They sent me a document to sign. The envelope was addressed to Jessica, and the cover letter said Jessica, but the document started off 'I <dead name> certify that I am one and the same as Jessica'. I had five days to respond. Being invalidated so abruptly by my bank (USAA no less) caught me so off guard that it sent me back into darkness. So far down that I considered resolving that issue, and all other issues, permanently. It took a few days for me to climb back out of that pit and call. I told them that I was Jessica and I could not sign any document as anyone other than Jessica. I still don't know what is going to happen about my car, but I do know that I plan to be around for a long time. I won't let 'them' win, even if it means moving all of my accounts to another bank.

We don't have an easy road ahead, but it is much better than the road we travelled down in the past. Things will get better, but we must have patience. I know how hard that can be. We have been fighting all of our lives to figure out who we are and become our true selves, and now that we figured it out we want it fixed now! Our time will come one day soon, and we will realize all the pain was worth it.

'Aviation is proof that given the will, we have the capacity to achieve the impossible.' -- Eddie Rickenbacker

Steph, I do wish there was a way to just drop things 'spur of the moment' and meet with you to chat, shop, share a glare at your neighbors. Our distance apart is just far enough that it requires pre-planning.

As for people to call 'out of the blue' for a get-together. I've got Lori, always had Lori, there is no one else. Pre-Faith or Post. I'm not trying to sound facetious or claim to be 'sorrier than you', I am simply stating that you are one step above some of us in many ways. Look to that when you get down, count what you have. Based on all that I've read in your thread, you have many more positives then the negatives. Rejoice in them.

Your long'ish-distance friend.
Faith

ps
(https://i.imgur.com/3Q7HEkS.jpg)

Stephanie, I am sorry that you have to go through all this crap.  Yes, it sucks to have to correct people.  It sucks when their precious little snowflake egos melt under the need for politeness and you have to deal with the drips.  And it sucks to have your friends too far away to hug.

The best I can do is a virtual hug, but you are welcome to it:
(((((((((( Stephanie ))))))))))

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 12, 2018, 08:23:21 PM
He was going to keep trying, still considered himself my friend, and had no problem with my decision to transition... but I shouldn't take it personally if he decided not to go to the same fly-ins or sit at the same tables, or in general distance himself from me.

To me, that reads as, "My redneck friends are giving me grief for still being your friend, and I'd rather keep them than you."  Ouch!!

Have another (((HUG)))!

People have been known to just drop in (on either coast) but yeah that doesn't happen often enough.  I wish I was there right now to give ya a hug.  I read all of many threads here without commenting on everything, and quite a bit of what I read affects me and causes me to stop and think.  But we can still wonder if we are talking into an empty space.  Take a glance at the number of page views and you'll see the ratio of reading to writing is 20 to 1.  Your words have a huge impact on many.  And when we write, we help ourselves by thinking and processing and reflecting.

Some of your neighbors are awesome, but some are dimwits and may temporarily infect a few others.  That is short term - not just the way the storm cloud hit you, but one idiot neighbor's impact on other neighbors.  The good ones will come around.  Also consider time marches on and your rather fast transition still has some heads spinning and I better stop it before starting any GCS puns. 

Lets have dinner one night Stephanie. I can certainly relate to your post. I guess the best thing we can do is to embrace the bumps and bangs and hammer throws and look upon them as strong character building events that keep us humble.

They have educational value, although difficult to see or understand at times. It's painful to see the same thing in my community that at one time I was close to everyone until I came out. Like you, it is my overly religious elderly next door neighbor that has even become malicious and vindictive towards me.

It can be very lonely around here at times, especially being single, but I have you and the rest of Susan's folks and support groups to turn to when things get bad. I would love to have dinner with you, your wife and Cassie. I got the first round too.

Big hugs Stephanie!
Donica.

Quote from: Michelle_P on November 12, 2018, 08:45:30 PM
Oh, Stephanie, sometimes the world just drops a sack of hammers on us.  That stinks, of course.

Sack of something for sure! And it did stink!

Quote
I'm glad you were at least able to unload to your BFF via videochat.  That's much better than nothing, or just typing away online somewhere.

Much much better. There's nobody else who can ground me and make me feel better than she can. I'm so lucky to have her in my life.

Quote
On the neighbors, yeah, folks can get strange that way.  They were comfortable with that guy at the other end of the runway, but now you just aren't one of the guys any more, but a new person, with a past that is completely outside of any context they might have.  That doesn't justify their cutting you out, of course.  I dodged this by relocating as part of going full time, an event that cost me my spouse as well as neighborhood and neighbors.  High price to pay...

I wonder just how high that price is, compared to dealing with the BS that comes with staying put? We have often talked about the attractiveness of "pulling a Danielle" and starting over somewhere else in stealth mode. The conclusion so far has always been "not realistic" but we can dream.

Quote
Combine that with the hammer blows from the political world and cranky stuff in the hanger, and the day just stinks all around. 

I'm usually successful in ignoring the political bags of... hammers, knowing that the wheels grind very slowly and a lot of people have our backs. Too many other things brought me down to the level where the news could get under my skin.

Quote
I'd give you a big ole hug if I could, girl.  Let's agree to have some better days this week, OK?\

Already happening, Michelle. Thank you for the wise counsel and virtual hug!


Stephanie

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on November 12, 2018, 09:14:03 PM
Well, you can count me as one who occasionally reads your thread Stephanie. Have a dark chocolate (((hug))).

Mmmmmm! All better!

Quote
Being invalidated so abruptly by my bank (USAA no less) caught me so off guard that it sent me back into darkness. So far down that I considered resolving that issue, and all other issues, permanently. It took a few days for me to climb back out of that pit and call. I told them that I was Jessica and I could not sign any document as anyone other than Jessica. I still don't know what is going to happen about my car, but I do know that I plan to be around for a long time. I won't let 'them' win, even if it means moving all of my accounts to another bank.

Nobody who hasn't gone through this can possibly understand just how deeply these feelings go. To them its just an exercise in legalities, emotions be damned. they don't give it a second thought as we melt down.

Interesting that you're having trouble with USAA. I have auto insurance and credit and debit cards with them, and went through the name change stuff by sending the court order and drivers license. It all seemed to go well, until yesterday when I went into my online profile and saw first, my old driver license number was still in there (apparently one number indicates gender), and... while the name and everything else was correct, gender still said Male. The only way to fix it was to call.

I put on my best voice, but was continually called sir and mister until I interrupted and explained that this was what I was calling about. He immediately and repeatedly apologized, changed the marker, and used the correct pronouns for the rest of the call. Apparently it doesn't matter what the voice sounds like, they use the pronouns matching their records.It didn't help that we had a bad phone connection so it took a while to get the idea across. In any case, all is correct now, and I didn't even have to out myself to get it fixed. I just informed them that my records were incorrect, with no explanation.

Quote
We don't have an easy road ahead, but it is much better than the road we travelled down in the past. Things will get better, but we must have patience. I know how hard that can be. We have been fighting all of our lives to figure out who we are and become our true selves, and now that we figured it out we want it fixed now! Our time will come one day soon, and we will realize all the pain was worth it.

You already know this, as do most of us. We just have to allow ourselves to truly believe it.

Quote
'Aviation is proof that given the will, we have the capacity to achieve the impossible.' -- Eddie Rickenbacker

"If God had intended for humans to fly, he would have given us more money."



Stephanie

Quote from: Faith on November 13, 2018, 05:53:27 AM
Steph, I do wish there was a way to just drop things 'spur of the moment' and meet with you to chat, shop, share a glare at your neighbors. Our distance apart is just far enough that it requires pre-planning.

Yes, sadly. And we do need to do some of that planning. Not until I get back from Spain, though. Three weeks from today they'll be slicing and dicing my face, and there is much to do before then.

Quote
As for people to call 'out of the blue' for a get-together. I've got Lori, always had Lori, there is no one else. Pre-Faith or Post. I'm not trying to sound facetious or claim to be 'sorrier than you', I am simply stating that you are one step above some of us in many ways. Look to that when you get down, count what you have. Based on all that I've read in your thread, you have many more positives then the negatives. Rejoice in them.

You're right, of course. But many of those people fall into the "acquaintance" category, I suspect very much like your music friends. I can count the number of people who would surprise me with an invitation to go shopping, or get our nails or brows done, or any other girly things, on one finger. And she has ciswomen friends who will do that for her! I think that's the coolest thing, and am so happy for her, but there's not a single ciswoman who would ever call to include me in such things.

Quote
Your long'ish-distance friend.
Faith

ps
(https://i.imgur.com/3Q7HEkS.jpg)

I feel a disturbance in the Force... Mmmmmmmm...



Stephanie

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 13, 2018, 06:45:30 AM
Stephanie, I am sorry that you have to go through all this crap.  Yes, it sucks to have to correct people.  It sucks when their precious little snowflake egos melt under the need for politeness and you have to deal with the drips.  And it sucks to have your friends too far away to hug.

I try not to belittle people the way they choose to do to me, but really, who's being oversensitive here? I am being dinged by neighbor number one for an event that happened almost literally a year ago. I get no credit for my evolution, and they shrug off any recognition I try to give them for actually getting it right occasionally. It doesn't fit their internal narrative about how fragile I am.

Quote
The best I can do is a virtual hug, but you are welcome to it:
(((((((((( Stephanie ))))))))))

Nothing warmer than a Canadian hug!

Quote
To me, that reads as, "My redneck friends are giving me grief for still being your friend, and I'd rather keep them than you."  Ouch!!

The thing I used to like about this close-knit neighborhood is that there were no cliques. With our common interest, we were happy to hang out together despite our differences. Now it appears that I've become the catalyst for divisiveness, simply for trying to be me. They have decided to cast me as the villain, and there's nothing I can do about it. I try to stay civil and cordial, but they're the ones separating themselves from me. I mourn the old cohesiveness, but apparently it was pretty fragile to begin with. I will not make concessions concerning my very being to keep them from being uncomfortable.

Quote
Have another (((HUG)))!

Mmmmmm. It's like pulling on a warm toque!



Stephanie

Quote from: Kendra on November 13, 2018, 07:07:32 AM
People have been known to just drop in (on either coast) but yeah that doesn't happen often enough.

Yes they do! I wonder whether that behavior should be curtailed, to avoid intense shocks to the system. BREATHE!

Don't anybody say anything, but someone I know is going to be in Paris soon, and I think I'm going to surprise her!

Quote
I wish I was there right now to give ya a hug.  I read all of many threads here without commenting on everything, and quite a bit of what I read affects me and causes me to stop and think.  But we can still wonder if we are talking into an empty space.  Take a glance at the number of page views and you'll see the ratio of reading to writing is 20 to 1.  Your words have a huge impact on many.  And when we write, we help ourselves by thinking and processing and reflecting.

That has become my attitude. Even if no one reads my blabbering, it's a record for myself. If the quiet folks get something out of it, even better. And of course, when my friends reply, it's the best!

Quote
Some of your neighbors are awesome, but some are dimwits and may temporarily infect a few others.  That is short term - not just the way the storm cloud hit you, but one idiot neighbor's impact on other neighbors.  The good ones will come around.  Also consider time marches on and your rather fast transition still has some heads spinning and I better stop it before starting any GCS puns.

Well, hopefully the temporary infections will cure themselves before I throw in the towel and move somewhere that people are more friendly. Some place where they didn't know that old person who no longer exists.

Has it really been that fast? It seems like forever, but I guess my original timeline was for three years or so.

Well, go ahead and bank those hugs. A little bird tells me you will be able to deliver them in France...



Stephanie

Quote from: Donica on November 13, 2018, 10:23:43 AM
Lets have dinner one night Stephanie. I can certainly relate to your post. I guess the best thing we can do is to embrace the bumps and bangs and hammer throws and look upon them as strong character building events that keep us humble.

They have educational value, although difficult to see or understand at times. It's painful to see the same thing in my community that at one time I was close to everyone until I came out. Like you, it is my overly religious elderly next door neighbor that has even become malicious and vindictive towards me.

It can be very lonely around here at times, especially being single, but I have you and the rest of Susan's folks and support groups to turn to when things get bad. I would love to have dinner with you, your wife and Cassie. I got the first round too.

Big hugs Stephanie!
Donica.

Well, if the flames chase you too far East, you know where you have friends.

Character building, eh? Aren't I already enough of a character?

I'm sorry you're having problems with your neighbor, too. I'll only comment that his religion obviously dictates that he have a love/hate relationship with you. Apparently he loves to hate you. Amen.

Well, when you get to this part of the globe, I will be happy to use that free first round to toast you!


Stephanie

I think the smoke around here has put my brain in low gear or something, or perhaps I'm just using that as an excuse. It seem that someone or something is trying desperately to burn California down.

Yes, you are a character for sure ;D. Just one of the many things I love about you Steph.

She does love to hate me. You know the type, "I read the bible! I know everything!", interrupting every thing I say with defensive disagreement.

What I meant to say was the dinner is on me and of course, I got the first round of toast too. Maybe next year I can visit the east coast. My grandmother lived in Clearwater for a while and then moved to Tampa. I've always wanted to see the fake gator my grandmother wrestled with. Great picture!

Hugs,
Donica.

Tonight was trivia night. But it wasn't trivial. So much was packed into two hours...

We got there 1/2 hour early. I was wearing some new leggings, a tunic top, and necklace, bracelets, earrings, and ring made from shiny multicolor stones. Within seconds of going into the restaurant I was complimented by a waitress on my necklace. At the table the waitress asked, "What can I get you ladies?" That's a pretty good start.

My friend S joined us first. She's our team leader and knows my whole story, is warmly supportive, and never deadnames or misgenders me. Then C and her husband J showed up. I didn't know if they knew my story or not. Finally, after the first round of questions, B showed up.

B knows my history, had met me in the before times, and while he manages to get the name right, he still has problems with pronouns. We get along fine, and generally he's a good guy, but, well, he's a guy. I almost always have the most trouble with guys. Tonight he demonstrated it again. He was at the far end of the table and I was sitting next to him. He was feeling jovial, looked at me and said, "And how are you doing tonight Mister MISSUS Steph?" I noticed he was sweating around his temples and eyes, so I'm pretty sure he was embarrassed. I told him it was okay, I'm an adult. S picked right up on it and dug at B with, "See? She's an adult. That means you're not!" We got a laugh out of that. Thank you S!! I don't think that C or J heard any of it.

About halfway through the game, I went to the ladies room. And the most amazingly affirming thing happened. The waitress who had complimented me on my necklace was cleaning up and said hello, with no strangeness. No big deal. But then the unexpected happened. When I left my stall, a frail looking older woman came out of another. She seemed to have Parkinson's because her hands were shaking very badly. And she asked if I could help with the button and zipper on her shorts since she couldn't do it. I pulled up her zipper and guided her as she finally got the top button. She thanked me with a smile and I held the door for her as we left. WOW! That has to be counted as a total pass.

Back to the table. Round after round we did, not perfectly, but well enough to stay toward the top. And surprisingly, we ended up winning the game! Some folks from other teams stopped by our table to congratulate us, and I joined in the banter with them. The prize is a picture with a ridiculous wrestling style belt, bragging rights, and a $40 gift card for the restaurant.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181114/aa678657e4a04317a289a6587ca5bda2.jpg)
Sue (Dragon Lady) J, C, S, B, and some cutie who I've gotten to know over the last year.

Back to the restroom (thanks, spiro). The waitress was back in there again, this time waiting for a stall. She said, "You go first ma'am. I'll wait for the next one." When I asked if she was sure, she said, "Yes, I'll wait for just one, but the next lady has to wait for me." All we ladies cracked up at that.

Outside, I had another nice talk with S. We talked about my upcoming trip to Spain, developments as I pursue GCS, and the one topic on both of our minds: The trans girl who was waitressing inside. I'd noticed her last week, and it's one of those situations where you want to acknowledge her, but etiquette forces you to keep quiet. Again this week I watched her as she waited tables and took care of customers with a smile on her face. I was so proud of her I wanted to give her a big hug. But of course, any kind of sign that you've clocked a sister could have bad consequences for her. So I kept quiet.

S had also noticed her, and when she leaned over the table and asked, "how did she get those boobs? I mean, they're not inflatable or something are they?" I smiled and said, "The same way I'm getting them!" Her eyebrows hit the ceiling. "The hormones do that?!" I answered with a smirk, "Ohhh, yeah!"

Outside, I did a little educating about HRT, including my recent graduation from 36a to 36b bras, and she was impressed.

The last thing I learned from S was that C and J genuinely have no idea about me. They only know Steph. C has done some traveling and asked about where I was going on my upcoming European trip, but thankfully didn't ask why I was going. I don't have a good explanation for that yet that won't out me.

I got a big hug from S, and we were on our way home. What a night!


Stephanie

Sounds like a great night. I'm glad it went so well, with little drama.

I too wish there was a way to acknowledge other trans people without outing them. There's an apparent trans woman who works at a local establishment. She evidently clocked me last time I was there (seemed very interested in me) but I was too shy to do anything but smile and flee. I need to try again some time and start a conversation.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Quote from: RandyL on November 13, 2018, 10:59:01 PM
Sounds like a great night. I'm glad it went so well, with little drama.

I too wish there was a way to acknowledge other trans people without outing them. There's an apparent trans woman who works at a local establishment. She evidently clocked me last time I was there (seemed very interested in me) but I was too shy to do anything but smile and flee. I need to try again some time and start a conversation.

Yeah, it's a tricky thing to broach. @sassycassie and I talked about how we might go about it, and the best we could come up with was to go to the restaurant, request a table in her area, wear our T-Network t-shirts, and discuss things like HRT, FFS, and GCS within earshot. Maybe drop names like Marci Bowers or something. But don't ask outright. Worse case, we get a meal.

Stephanie

SOunds like a great night out with the ladies, Stephanie!

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 13, 2018, 10:20:16 PMC has done some traveling and asked about where I was going on my upcoming European trip, but thankfully didn't ask why I was going. I don't have a good explanation for that yet that won't out me.

You are going for a facelift, like thousands of other ladies do!  Even your surgeon said so.  :P

Hi All,

As I'm sure most of you know, I'm going to FacialTeam in Spain in two weeks for FFS. I wanted to chronicle the process, but this didn't seem like the right thread to put it in, so I started a new one in the FFS forum. I'll still write about the social part of it (which is turning out to be pretty cool!) here, but the more nuts and bolts stuff is in the other place. If you're at all interested, you can find it here (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242492.msg2194812.html#msg2194812).

Enjoy!

Stephanie

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 14, 2018, 05:28:58 AM
You are going for a facelift, like thousands of other ladies do!  Even your surgeon said so.  :P

Perfect.

"I'm going for a facelift in a beautiful resort city in southern Spain. Jealous, aren't you? Ouch! Hey, Kathy told me to say it!!"

Now, about the social aspect of going to FacialTeam...

I had been planning to go alone, doing it as inexpensively as possible by flying directly to Malaga, Spain, spending as little time as possible there, and flying directly back. It would be lonely, but my whole world was as close as my phone or tablet, so I'd get by. I had mentioned to @Kendra that it would be cool if we ended up there at the same time, but her plans didn't fit. I'd be fine.

Then, I got a text from Kendra. She'd changed her mind, and decided it would be fun to meet me there. Texts and emails started flying back and forth, and after a couple of weeks an amazingly epic plan jelled.

We are both flying into Charles De Gaulle airport in Paris on November 28th. We'll be arriving within 1/2 hour of each other. From there we're checking into an AirBNB in the 1st Arrondissement of Paris (essentially right in the middle of town), and will enjoy two days of touring that quaint little burg. From there we're catching a flight to Madrid, where we have another AirBNB, and will spend a full day enjoying that town. Then we're taking a train south to Marbella, where we'll check into the Gran Hotel Guadalpin Banus resort hotel, right on the Mediterranean. That'll be my home for the next two weeks, except for the day and night I'll spend in the hospital on December 4th. Kendra will skedaddle home after helping me out during the first couple of days of my recovery, and I'll fly back to Paris on the 14th. I'll enjoy one more day there, then fly home on the 16th.

The incredible thing for me is that flying to Paris and Madrid, taking the train to Marbella, flying back to Paris, and returning home from there, is just over half the price of flying directly to Malaga. The round-trip ticket to Paris alone is only $391. I'm having a whole lot more adventure and actually saving money. I have never been to Europe, and wondered whether I ever would. And I get to pal around with Kendra as she acts as my tour guide. This is going to be a blast!

Stephanie

There are many dates of deep importance to me:

6/21/17: Started HRT.
10/13/17: Outed myself to the world on FaceBook.
12/7/2017: Got my name changed.
12/4/2018: FFS at FacialTeam.

And now something that I've been pursuing for a long time, and didn't feel like talking about because so much was unsure. I have a new date to add to that list:

SEPTEMBER 25TH, 2019: GCS WITH DR. MARCI BOWERS

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 14, 2018, 10:58:48 PM

SEPTEMBER 25TH, 2019: GCS WITH DR. MARCI BOWERS

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Stephanie

I don't think this can be overstated - SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE indeed!

I am so happy for you Steph! It is truly a giant leap, and not everyone feels the need to take it, but for some of us it is the only way to become who we were meant to be.

Wow!  Playing tourist with a gal pal at half the price ... getting your FFS ... having a date for GRS...  I think that calls for a Squeeesplosion™!!

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 15, 2018, 07:05:09 AM
Wow!  Playing tourist with a gal pal at half the price ... getting your FFS ... having a date for GRS...  I think that calls for a Squeeesplosion[emoji769]!!

BOOM! SQUEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181115/534a5315fb1ac8eb20c5cb783c80cee0.jpg)

DOUBLE SQUEEESPLOSION tm,

Oooohhhmmmyyygggoooddd Stephanie!!! Get out! Dr. Marci Bowers? <<<DOUBLEDITTOSQUEEESPLOSIONHAPPIENESS>>> Oh girl, I'm so happy for you!!! Congratulations!!! Pictures please of your trip through Europe. I bookmarker your nuts and bolts FFS thread. And congratulations on your trivia night success too.


BIG HUGS STEPH!!!
Donica.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 14, 2018, 10:58:48 PM
There are many dates of deep importance to me:

6/21/17: Started HRT.
10/13/17: Outed myself to the world on FaceBook.
12/7/2017: Got my name changed.
12/4/2018: FFS at FacialTeam.

And now something that I've been pursuing for a long time, and didn't feel like talking about because so much was unsure. I have a new date to add to that list:

SEPTEMBER 25TH, 2019: GCS WITH DR. MARCI BOWERS

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Stephanie

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

That's wonderful! Congratulations!

(And I enjoy the "Girl Harbor Day" line in your sig for another significant date!)

Stephanie!  Thank you for your prompt on FB, I've just caught up (I was 3 pages behind).
Many members transition journey involves a lot of the same issues. 
Your neighborhood situation boils down to the often happening of friends that either turn their backs or have had an overload of their own emotions that makes them step back.
There are times that we tend to be acutely aware of anything that seems untoward to us, sometimes in error.  Satisfaction is fleeting once revisited and seeing other perspectives that is contrary to your original thoughts.
Then it's got its happy moments that make up for everything else.  Times when everything seems to line up, pointing to a future that you have been searching for.

Well at least, that's what has happened with me.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Hi Stephanie,
      I am following your Chronicles also. Sending you "HUGS".  Have a wonderful time in Europe and a fun time visiting with Kendra. Enjoy your time there. Take good care.-Susan Rose .

Wow, Saturday was an awesome day! It probably wouldn't have been worth noting for most of the world's population, but for me and my bestie @sassycassie, it was yet another special experience in our transitions.

It started out with a breakfast gathering of the volunteers from the DeLand Sport Aviation Showcase a few weeks ago. My awesome friends, the organizers of the show, offered to pay for breakfast for any volunteers who showed up at a local flying club's fly-in breakfast. Not having a plane at the moment, we drove in.

We were greeted and treated as the women we are. That's all we're known as at the DeLand show, except for exceptional people like the organizers. Actually, I'm pretty sure they don't know about Cassie. She's just my cis-woman friend to them. Since I had worked in such a prominent position at the show, most of the volunteers who were there recognized me and remembered my name. It was a warm feeling to simply be known as I will be for the rest of my life. It's so refreshing and liberating to be free of the feeling of dread I carry around my home neighborhood. Life as it should be.

After breakfast and departing hugs, we headed for Universal Studios to make use of our yearly passes once again. Cassie got to show her relatively new ID as we went through the gates, always a subtle squeee moment.

Despite not being able to ride the Mummy Ride...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181119/e70aeea91e1f651ea6b7244516923933.jpg)

...we were pretty confident the day would turn out great.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181119/41ca87c448ceca2705d3bfccdf114f0a.jpg)

Coffee at StarSchmucks, beer and butterbeer in Diagon Alley, a stage show, and aimless wandering, brought us to lunch at Margaritaville.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181119/90873686d6302cbc586d801de5b01e17.jpg)

We took in an animal show, then it was time to see the Blue Man Group. We shook our tail feathers with the rest of the audience (look up "Shake Your Euphemism" on YouTube). What a fun show!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181119/218869fd4b64f4edeb6a7cdf0d88dab9.jpg)

Not wanting to leave yet, we went looking for a place to listen to some music, and ended up at the Red Coconut. We relaxed with fruity rum adult beverages and snacks, and enjoyed the music and each other's company.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181119/cbf55c51141c5eb90923382c1407c6d4.jpg)

As we relaxed we got a little cuddly, and apparently it didn't go unnoticed. Our awesome waitress caught Cassie on the way out, and with a big smile said something I couldn't hear in her ear. When we got out into the quiet she told me that the waitress had said, "You two were so beautiful tonight." Awwwww!!

But here's the thing that makes this worth journaling about. Our waitress, and everybody else in the entire park, saw only two cis-women. There wasn't a single incidence of misgendering, not a single sideways glance, no weirdness by anyone, all day long. Whereas I used to move through the world with the anxiety level running at 8 or better, now it idles at a 1 or sometimes shuts down entirely. It has gotten to the point where being called out would be a surprise, and I think I'd be prepared to counter any claims if someone were to suggest that we are anything other than cis-women. It's almost exactly 13 months since my friends took me out to Disney as my authentic self, and things have changed so much it's almost disorienting.

But I'm not complaining. In a week and a half, I'm going to be taking an international flight to Paris - by myself. Nobody to lean on, with the special one from whom I draw strength staying behind. But I can do it. The confidence built up through experiences like Saturday will carry me through. I remember reading all the stories of the women and men here who had gotten through their social transitions, and I was so envious of them. How could they do it? Where did the strength come from? They were so beautiful and confident. I could never be like them.

Well, here I am, World. I may not be beautiful, my strength fails me at times, and my confidence ebbs and flows, but I'm out there living the life. If I can, everyone else can, too. As I read painted on a fence a while ago, "Everything you want is on the other side of fear."

I'll meet you there.


Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 18, 2018, 11:44:15 PM
"Everything you want is on the other side of fear."

I'll meet you there.

Stephanie

Sounds like an awesome weekend Stephanie! It is amazing how much you can enjoy life when you no longer worry about what others may think. Stay strong and confident, and the world is yours!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 18, 2018, 11:44:15 PM
Well, here I am, World. I may not be beautiful, my strength fails me at times, and my confidence ebbs and flows, but I'm out there living the life. If I can, everyone else can, too. As I read painted on a fence a while ago, "Everything you want is on the other side of fear."

There, I fixed that for you.

Stephanie, what a great day you had at the volunteer breakfast and Universal Studios!   Yes, you are living the life.  You deserve it.  ANd you are a good example for the rest of us.

@Steph2.0    cc: @SassyCassie
Dear Stephanie:
Such a wonderful update to read and to see your pictures was a treat for sure.
Your weekend events looked like a lot of fun for you and Cassie.

Thank you for sharing your happy times on your thread.
Hugs and hugs
Danielle

That was very moving and inspirational Stephanie. Thank you for that update. Your flight is getting close. You CAN do this. You WILL do this. No last minute jitters girl. Dip those toastie toes in. The waters fine.

Hugs,
Donica.

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 19, 2018, 07:21:54 AM
There, I fixed that for you.

Stephanie, what a great day you had at the volunteer breakfast and Universal Studios!   Yes, you are living the life.  You deserve it.  ANd you are a good example for the rest of us.

OMG! A good example? As for deserving anything, I appreciate the thought, but I don't think I deserve anything more than all the rest of us here. All we want to is live our lives freely as who we know ourselves to be. I will never understand those who believe it's not just their right, but their duty, to tell other people how to live their lives.

BTW, Tapatalk doesn't show strikeouts, so what I saw on your "fix" was "not" highlighted in red, emphasizing my original statement. After looking at the web view I see what you did there. Thank you.


Stephanie

Quote from: Donica on November 19, 2018, 03:14:56 PM
That was very moving and inspirational Stephanie. Thank you for that update. Your flight is getting close. You CAN do this. You WILL do this. No last minute jitters girl. Dip those toastie toes in. The waters fine.

You're a sweetheart, Donica. Actually, I'm not jittery about the travel. I've done enough of that now as my new self that I know how it works and don't expect any trouble.

I'm more nervous about the results of the surgery. I've been doing so well lately with no enhancements other than makeup and tricks to hide my hairline. I've also seen "after" pictures that show horrible results (in my opinion). None of those pics are from FacialTeam, happily, but looking at their before/after shots, the ones that obviously feminize the face are all on the younger girls. The older faces show very subtle to nearly non-existent changes. I include @Kendra in the beautiful younger girls category, since she's substantially younger than this 60 year old lady.

So my anxiety centers around either ruining what little I have, or wasting money and enduring a lot of pain for little gain.

Obviously, I'm going anyway. I have to trust that one of the best clinics in the world will do their best for me. Thank you for the encouragement.


Stephanie

Well, I took another big scary step today. As part of my self-managed makeover that includes my FacialTeam visit starting next week, I decided to get my hair cut. After spending so long growing it out, I thought shortening it would be the hardest thing to do. It still hurts some, but the biggest shock to the system was the style I left with.

Since I can't wear my glasses while the stylist does her thing, I never have any idea what the final result will be until it's over. I showed her some pictures of what I was looking for, basically a shorter version of what I'd had, with some layering, gray covering, and highlights. What I saw almost had me in tears. I thought I looked terrible, and the way she'd done the front seriously emphasized my five-head. The rest was a shock, too, after having straight or wavy hair for so long, but I started getting used to that. Once I pulled the top forward I started feeling better about that too. After I wash it, it should go back to a flatter style. In the meantime, well...

And now, for something completely different (apologies to Monty Python):

Before:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181121/be6affd380212c5ca985d6ba3daf3620.jpg)

After:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181121/d63d5a4c1722319603803b4e68532d20.jpg)

And:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181121/1ad0cf85e83e95e920ab8d8e8e944de5.jpg)

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 20, 2018, 09:00:47 PM
Well, I took another big scary step today. As part of my self-managed makeover that includes my FacialTeam visit starting next week, I decided to get my hair cut. After spending so long growing it out, I thought shortening it would be the hardest thing to do. It still hurts some, but the biggest shock to the system was the style I left with.

Since I can't wear my glasses while the stylist does her thing, I never have any idea what the final result will be until it's over. I showed her some pictures of what I was looking for, basically a shorter version of what I'd had, with some layering, gray covering, and highlights. What I saw almost had me in tears. I thought I looked terrible, and the way she'd done the front seriously emphasized my five-head. The rest was a shock, too, after having straight or wavy hair for so long, but I started getting used to that. Once I pulled the top forward I started feeling better about that too. After I wash it, it should go back to a flatter style. In the meantime, well...

And now, for something completely different (apologies to Monty Python):

Before:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181121/be6affd380212c5ca985d6ba3daf3620.jpg)

After:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181121/d63d5a4c1722319603803b4e68532d20.jpg)

And:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181121/1ad0cf85e83e95e920ab8d8e8e944de5.jpg)

Stephanie

You look wonderful Stephanie!  The shorter cut you have is very feminine.
My hair is to my shoulders now and I am considering asking my hairdresser for a feminine style. 
That would be a big step for me too.

Well I think it looks very nice , it looks odd to you as you brain needs to adjust and as we all know that takes a while!!! Will wave as you fly past the UK next week, wishing it all goes well . XXXXX serial lurker-------- 

Stephanie, I love the new do!  It looks very feminine.

Thank you Jess, Davina, and Kathy. I was pretty freaked out at first, especially when she revealed my hairline for the world to see, but after a little rearranging and some positive feedback from the folks on my Trivia team, I started to like it. Aaand this morning, most of it's gone flat. It's okay, it's still shorter and I kinda like it. Hopefully in six months to a year the hairline won't be so dysphoria-inducing.

Davina, I'll see if I can convince our pilot to do a flypast at your local airport, and maybe a barrel roll on climbout.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 21, 2018, 06:52:34 AM... Aaand this morning, most of it's gone flat ...

I have this problem too, I wear a padded bra when that happens :O

seriously Steph, you look great. Based on your current profile picture, it's a good look for you.
I meant to reply yesterday, for some reason my head was elsewhere. I've found it now, I put on a headband to help hold it.

Quote from: Faith on November 21, 2018, 07:01:12 AM
I have this problem too, I wear a padded bra when that happens :O

Ah. Yes, that would be all the time for me...

Quote
seriously Steph, you look great. Based on your current profile picture, it's a good look for you.
I meant to reply yesterday, for some reason my head was elsewhere. I've found it now, I put on a headband to help hold it.

When you said you were headhunting, I thought you were looking for a new employee for headquarters. Now I get it. It must have gone off for a headrest or maybe to play some music with a headband. When you're not using it, maybe you should keep it in a head case.

Oh yeah, thanks for the compliment! Now I'm heading for the shower.

Stephanie

:D

no punny response from me. The last time I tried that I got tomatoes thrown at me. I dislike tomatoes!

I think it looks wonderful Stephanie. It looks fuller on top now and very feminine too.

Happy Thanksgiving Steph!
Donica.

Hi Stephanie,
       I think you look nice. The haircut even makes you look younger. Have a wonderful day!!!-Susan   

Quote from: Donica on November 21, 2018, 03:24:50 PM
I think it looks wonderful Stephanie. It looks fuller on top now and very feminine too.

Happy Thanksgiving Steph!
Donica.

Quote from: Susan_Rose on November 21, 2018, 04:10:30 PM
Hi Stephanie,
       I think you look nice. The haircut even makes you look younger. Have a wonderful day!!!-Susan

@Steph2.0    cc:  @Donica    @Susan_Rose
Dear Stephanie:
This is definitely your day,
and I also think that you have nailed your appearance...

I agree with Donica and Susan...
...you not only look more feminine but also younger too !!! 
It doesn't get much better than that!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Trigger Alert: Misgendering, deadnaming, holiday depression.

I hate making posts like this, but I'm hating a lot of things today, so this is just one more.

I've heard of holiday depression before, but never really knew how it felt. Thanksgiving and Christmas never meant much, just an opportunity to eat some seasonably appropriate food and maybe play some card games with my tiny family. Yesterday the family was tinier. For reasons I won't get into, it was just me, my mom, and her hubby. I knew going in that it might be rough with no extra people to "buffer" conversation. And I knew that, as accepting as they both are, I was still going to have to deal with accidental deadnaming and misgendering. I thought I was ready. I love them both and I know they love me, but...

Dinner was late due to problems with the stove. Conversation petered out and everyone fell asleep while waiting. Dinner was good as always but I limited myself to try to keep the carbs down. And the old name kept coming up. "He" and "his" were used liberally, always with a following apology. I let it go with good humor for a while. Then it started getting irritating. I told stories about how I've been isolated in my neighborhood due to misgendering. How my BFF and I talk about the attraction of "pulling a Danielle" and going somewhere that we won't be misgendered. About what Liz said (paraphrasing): "If people only knew the simple joy we get when someone gets it right, maybe they'd be more careful about using the correct pronouns." None of it seemed to matter.

It's like if I step on your toe. You know it wasn't on purpose, it didn't really hurt, and I apologize. It's all good. But then I do it again, and apologize again. And again and again and again. Sooner or later you end up bruised and angry. You know lashing out isn't going to help, so you swallow it and internalize the resentment. Eventually it's going to come out somewhere.

The worst part is I realized I was unconsciously falling back into the old role. More than once I just responded to the old name without even realizing until afterward what I'd done. I actually had to go to the bathroom repeatedly, specifically to look in the mirror to make sure I was still presenting as Stephanie. After a while I started seeing an over-made-up old man trying too hard to fool other people into seeing something he wasn't. The knife was twisting in my belly.

Then I checked in here. Many of you feel like family to me. I saw you reporting in on the good day you're having. I looked at Facebook. Same there. I checked with friends and loved ones closer to home, and they were all having a wonderful time, too busy having fun to think about me much.

I came to the realization that one of the hardest things for me to deal with my entire life has been being excluded from the good times those closest to me are having. Feeling left out. It doesn't mean I resent them for enjoying themselves. That one thought actually makes me happy. It's knowing that seemingly everyone out there is feeling warmth and love and joy, laughing until their face hurts, while I'm feeling lonely and isolated, that makes me so miserable.

It finally got to be too much. I packed up and traded hugs, and headed out. Maybe retail therapy would help. I braved the crowds at Target, hoping I could find something pretty to cheer me up. And another realization hit me. I found out just how incomplete I feel without my bestie with me to give me feedback. Just how dependent I've become on this special person. And how pitiful it is that I need such interaction to feel good about myself. It's not fair to either her or me. She's been wonderfully patient and understanding about my neurotic behavior, but that can't help but get irritating after a while.

I didn't buy anything nice. A few things I'll need for my trip. I faked a smile for the cashier and got out of there.

On the 40 minute drive home I just about lost it multiple times. I choked back the tears and kept going. When I got home I tried wine and chocolate. It didn't help. By 10:30 I was in bed, and the dam broke. I cried myself to sleep. Woke up at 4:30 and did it all again. And here I am, pouring my heart out and revealing to the world just how broken I am.

Happy Thanksgiving indeed.


Stephanie

Big Hugs Stephanie!

Jess

Sweetie, I'm sorry you had such a rough evening. You are doing the right thing, talking it out. You are such a wonderful, kind person, I hate to see you sad. I agree that dead naming, misgendering stuff is horribly painful stuff. I won't tell you it shouldn't bother you cause it still bothers me too. Just don't let this feeling overcome you. Stay strong in who you are because it is the only real you that you have. Find strength in your supporters. Count me as one of them even though you constantly make fun of me. lol "One of these days Alice..." One  of these days we are gonna meet up in person, maybe even with both of us on our separate refrigerators and I'm gonna give you the biggest hug. Come on, not even a little smile for the fridge comment?  ;D ;D
Love,
Moni
XOXO

Stephanie,

Here is a big hug.

Your post saddened me but that is not your fault.  I felt so down when trying to place myself as you, experiencing what you did.  That is not possible without being you, but I imagined the hurt being immense.  My heart broke and I cried for you.  That was unfair what you went through. 

I cannot think of words to say that will provide comfort, what you need is your friend there with you who cares and loves you.  I think it is very good that you are talking about this.  We listen.

We here care, and we reach out to you and Laurie and everyone else here that is having a tough time.  At any time of the year too.  Not just the holidays, for sure.

We just want to be accepted.  We are not bad people.  We have love to share, and we want to feel loved, respected, and known for who we are now, and not to be reminded of what we turned away from.  Sometimes people just "don't get it."  I feel so much a woman, more and more it seems as I accepted myself,  but many may think I am crazy.  I am not, and neither are you. 

You deserve better treatment.  You as Stephanie.  That is who you are. 

Hugs,

Chrissy

Stephanie many of us have had similar experiences, and not having someone close at hand to lean on seems to make it even more painful. But we can also see the beauty of our journey increasing as we travel down the path. Every once in a while we will come upon a patch of noxious weeds, but keep going and soon you will find beautiful flowers again. It isn't an easy journey, but the rewards when we reach our destination will make it all worthwhile. It will get better.

Have a hug from me (((HUG))) and another from Susan (((HUG))) , and one from our daughter Kimberly (((HUG))) . You are loved by many, don't let the few bother you.

By the way, you and you BFF are welcome to join us at our place next Thanksgiving!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I am so sorry to hear about the persistent misgendering.  Bad enough that you had to put up with it, but it must have been especially hard without support.

I know I can't make it better, but I'll add my (((HUGS))) to the others'.

I'll wave at your plane as you pass overhead on your way to Paris and Spain.

<<<BIG WARM HUGS STEPHANIE>>> You know we all love you so very much. Some people just don't realize they are being rude and hurtful. I hope the rest of your day brings joy and happiness.

Hope you feel batter soon girl.
Hugs,
Donica.

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
As your other followers have commented, I am sorry that you went through all of that, especially with your close family members that know your best.

After reading your last update posting an old saying comes to mind"
"If life doesn't deal your enough problems, you can always count on your own family."

Oh yeah, I know that I cheated by "pulling a Danielle" but I am also very aware that most transitioners here do not have that option for a wide variety of very good reasons.   
I may have cheated but to this day, 4+ years after I announced my transition plans to my family and close friends "back home" I still do not have any acceptance at all and I have only been addressed as "Danielle" once, by my mom, last Christmas, otherwise it is what you have experienced... wrong name, wrong gender, wrong pronouns....   and noticeable whispering among themselves across the room.

Basically, as you are very aware, transitioning is a work in progress, we may get acceptance from our close long term friends and our families but it does take a lot of time and patience for everyone to finally break old habits and memory recall to finally get the gendering, correct name, and pro-nouns right.   
There will be those of course that may purposely not bother with being considerate....  this is all called real life and it is best to just exude confidence and self-assurance... and the knowledge that you are doing what you have to do and then choose to be around those that treat you right.   
With your family however they will always be your family, and your mom is certainly due your respect, so it is probably wise just to get through those times with them without arguments and the following bad feelings.   For your mom especially, old habits are hard to overcome.

Spend your day today recovering doing some pleasant things that you will enjoy, and with those that enjoy being around you....   I am thinking of one person ... her name starts with the letter "C"

Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle

Oh, Stephanie, I'm so sorry you had such a rough evening.  While it can be difficult for those who knew us before transition to get it right, they should be able to do better than this.  And you having to face this without support!

I don't know many folks who would have the strength to hold up in the face of such consistent denial of our very identity.   

I hope that today you can hook up with your BFF or very supportive folks to help you heal from this poor experience.

Hugs, Michelle P.

Oh, Stephanie,

I am so sorry you have been so badly disrespected by some of those you most want respect and consideration, family.  How could they be so callous, so dense?  We have all, I think, experienced similar, so we all can intimately feel your pain.  We know how it pierces the heart.  We understand.  Here's another big (((HUG))) from me.  I find blue hugs to be more comforting.  Hope you do, too.

Love for you,
Stevi

Steph, I'm sorry that you had to deal with it and saddened that it hit you so hard. Words don't seem to be enough, I don't know what to say. Let me make it about me for a bit ...

I am 90% of the time John to friends and family
I am 99% of the time him/he to everyone I know
Most of those that I know simply refuse to try.
I am 99% of the time misgendered when out by myself.
I've envied thread like yours where the percentages are flipped the other way around, I fear I'll never get there.

I do not type this to say 'poor me' nor to minimize how you suffered through the day. I say it because sometimes you need to step back and put it into perspective.

Today will fade, Stephanie will not ... she will always be.

Faith
I hope this comes across as intended :(

Good job I have a big bag of hugs, hang on its slipped under the kisses XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 
                                                                                                            HUG                                                           

Steph,

First here's a hug from afar. Sorry you had a rough day.  If you want another hug, I'll say hi at fly in sometime.  Last this thread is not a void. It's taken me a few weeks to finish reading it all. Congratulations on the 99 induction.

Sorry to hear you had such an awful day, Stephanie. 

I think it bothers me more to get misgendered by family because I hope that they care about me enough to want to get it right for my sake. In my case anyway no one is doing so intentionally and I know it takes time for them to get used to the new normal. I may start correcting them every time and tell them I won't get mad if they misgender me if they don't get mad when I correct them.

Hope things have been better for you.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Newton's second law of motion F=ma (Force equals mass times acceleration) applies to misgendering.  The closer someone is to you the greater the impact.  Junk mail doesn't have much impact other than carbon emissions.  Repeated misgendering by immediate family is tapping a boulder that will eventually roll down hill and rest until moved back up the mountain with effort.  I think Newton's first and third law are also involved but I was too busy eating the Fig Newtons equated with Isaac.  I checked inside the packaging but didn't find a discount coupon for Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica (https://www.christies.com/lotfinder/Lot/newton-sir-isaac-1642-1727-knighted-1705-philosophiae-6052542-details.aspx).

When a boulder is unsettled and rolls downhill the boulder may wonder what it did wrong.  But the forces that started the tumble involve many factors, some that may pre-date the boulder's existence and have inertia of their own.  If the boulder was pushed intentionally or accidentally it was still set into motion.  An accidental series of taps is in some ways more frustrating than an intentional detonation because our response to accidental misgendering is limited.  And then add the context of close family and responses are even more limited compared to a biker bar outside city limits.  You are boxed in and the tap tap tap tap tap continues.  Oh excuse me.  Tap tap tap.  Sorry.  Didn't mean that but you are expected to be polite.  Tap tap.  Whisper.  Tap.  Tap tap.  It's beyond aggravating - this can rip apart your soul for moments or days or more. 

Stephanie you rock.  You really do.  Chin up, accept our heartfelt hugs, rock your new hairdo, granite I don't have much more to say other than I really care.  We all do. 

To all my wonderful friends here, thank you for the kind words. I took a couple of days off to spend with my BFF and I feel much better. Having one very special friend plus all of you here really does help.

Some of the underlying problems remain, such as being isolated in a neighborhood where I used to be invited out for social events, but now the phone doesn't ring any more. Spur-of-the-moment calls or texts like, "hey, we're heading out to dinner, meet you there," or "hey, we're going kayaking tomorrow, why don't you join us?" don't happen any more. And I don't get calls from my ciswomen friends to go with them clothes shopping or getting their nails done or whatever. Those are things I see friends doing, and I have to wonder what's wrong with me that I haven't made friends like that.

I do have to acknowledge that there are good things in my life. I have a very special person who is willing to listen to my whining, and also shares her ups and downs with me. Occasionally invitations for well-planned events will include me, though in most cases only through association with my BFF, not because my name occurred to them individually. But I'll take what I can get. I was invited to a friend's house yesterday for a thanksgiving dinner, and I'll be going to a Christmas party later in December.

———————-
@Jessica , thank you so much for the big hugs!

@HappyMoni , you are so special to me. We have so much in common, despite you getting a head start on me, and having such a weird name. Thank you so much for your kind words both here and in your PMs. I do look forward to meeting you some day, fridge or not.

@ChrissyRyan , thank you for your kindness, and I'm so sorry my post made you sad. Your sympathy and understanding mean so much to me.

@Jessica_Rose , @Susan_Rose , and daughter Kimberly... what can I say? You are all the best. Like most others here, you get it. I know when you read my words you can feel what I mean, because you've felt it, too. Thank you for the blue, red, and purple hugs.

@KathyLauren , thank you for your empathetic words. You do understand. Your big hug was appreciated. I'll be waving back from the silver airplane overflying your house on Wednesday evening.

@Donica , the love in your Big Warm Hug was felt all the way over here in Florida.

@Alaskan Danielle , you do make me realize that, despite my occasional bouts of feeling sorry for myself, I do have it good in some respects compared to others. And I do know that everyone else has to transition along with me, and some are better at it than others. And yes, "C" was the magic solution to my depression.

@Michelle_P , you are a rock of understanding, logic, and warm guidance here. You and @Rachel and @Laurie and @HappyMoni  were my guiding stars as I got started and made my way through this labyrinth of transition, and I've read every word in all of your threads. People like you are what makes Susan's so valuable.

@Stevi , thank you for your sympathy. I don't believe my family were being deliberately callous or dense, but it still hurt after a while anyway. Your blue hug was pretty good. I guess I should conduct a test to see how other colors compare.

@Faith ... my friend. You do put things into perspective for me, though I think you may still be too hard on yourself. You're doing better than you want to acknowledge. But I'm going to keep the focus on myself (it's MY thread, so pthththth!). I do have to admit that I'm far enough along that I haven't been misgendered by strangers in a long time. I'll be leaving on my big adventure on Wednesday, and I have full expectations of being treated as the woman Stephanie for the entire trip. So yeah, I know: quit whining. Well, I say again: Pththththth! When it hurts, it hurts...

@davina61 , thank you for the big bag o' hugs. I dug them out from under the kisses and used a few of them. I plan to keep the rest in the bag until I need them. Ill let you know when they're used up.

@Jaime320 , I don't think we've talked yet. Thank you for the hug. You're obviously a pilot, though I don't know where. Hugs from afar, but meeting up at a fly-in. Hmmm... It's hard to believe you've read my entire thread. I can believe it took a a couple of weeks. You're a real glutton for punishment. I hope you found some parts helpful

@TonyaW  , I do believe that my family does want to get it right, so it's not fair to get mad at them for the misgendering. That doesn't keep it from hurting nonetheless. I like your policy of making a deal of not getting mad when they misgender you if they don't get mad if you correct them. Very wise!

@Kendra , what can I say? Your messages and texts are witness to the special regard you seem to hold for me. I still wonder at that. I'm still puzzled why you would find me worth sneaking across the country to attend my party unannounced, or accompany me as I take Europe. But I'm not complaining. In addition to one special person who I wish could go on my trip with me, you are among an exclusive and small group of people who I would choose to have any adventure with. I would never take you for granite. It's a shame we're so far apart.

Newton's first and third laws also apply. It's obvious that thought patterns have inertia, too. It'll take a while to get the family up to speed. And I'm starting to experience an equal and opposite reaction to my earlier meltdown. I'm bouncing back.
————————-

I bought a new dress to wear to the thanksgiving dinner yesterday. After my BFF and I left we hit a Starbucks, and as we stood up to go, I heard a voice behind me: "Ma'am? Ma'am?!" I turned, and there was a young woman who was trying to get my attention to tell me just how much she loved my dress. I really needed that. Yes, I'm bouncing back...


Stephanie

snipped

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 25, 2018, 11:55:30 PM
To all my wonderful friends here, thank you for the kind words. I took a couple of days off to spend with my BFF and I feel much better. Having one very special friend plus all of you here really does help.

Some of the underlying problems remain, such as being isolated in a neighborhood where I used to be invited out for social events, but now the phone doesn't ring any more. Spur-of-the-moment calls or texts like, "hey, we're heading out to dinner, meet you there," or "hey, we're going kayaking tomorrow, why don't you join us?" don't happen any more. And I don't get calls from my ciswomen friends to go with them clothes shopping or getting their nails done or whatever. Those are things I see friends doing, and I have to wonder what's wrong with me that I haven't made friends like that.

I do have to acknowledge that there are good things in my life. I have a very special person who is willing to listen to my whining, and also shares her ups and downs with me. Occasionally invitations for well-planned events will include me, though in most cases only through association with my BFF, not because my name occurred to them individually. But I'll take what I can get. I was invited to a friend's house yesterday for a thanksgiving dinner, and I'll be going to a Christmas party later in December.

———————-
snipped
————————-

I bought a new dress to wear to the thanksgiving dinner yesterday. After my BFF and I left we hit a Starbucks, and as we stood up to go, I heard a voice behind me: "Ma'am? Ma'am?!" I turned, and there was a young woman who was trying to get my attention to tell me just how much she loved my dress. I really needed that. Yes, I'm bouncing back...

Stephanie

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
Many thanks for your update... I have been worried and concerned for you.
I am very pleased to hear that you are doing better now...
...and certainly being with your BFF  "C"  has been a very big help to you.

I am sorry to hear of some of the underlying problems that are remaining for you. 

I fully understand that most, if not almost all transitioners for many very good reasons can not "pull a Danielle" and relocate like I did.  I am very fortunate in that regard but I probably will not be postings about those sorts of things as much as I have been because I know for a fact that there are those that are affected negatively by all of that.

Yes indeed, there are many, many good things going on in your life that you have been reporting.  Your activities with your Aviation groups and the fact that you were invited to Thanksgiving Dinner and have an invitation for Christmas party... and at Starbucks with "C" and being called Ma'am and being complimented by a young woman about your beautiful dress...  all of that, plus your convincing feminine appearance, among other things, are very good reasons to be bouncing back and being very happy with your transition progress...
 
Oh, by the way, I am certain that your thread followers and certainly me included, will want to see you post a photo of you in your new dress, with your new great looking hair style ... and a big smile on your face.

Thank you for posting your update...  please try to stay positive, you have so much to be thankful for as compared to many others.

Hugs and hugs, and more hugs ....... and well wishes as always.
Danielle

Same here , thank god I found my BFF (even if she does my head in some times) as no family call me unless they need something from me . Glad to hear  your bouncing back into smooth air after your turbulence ,here's to more uplifting days

Thanks for your update Stephanie. You had me a bit worried but I know you are a strong women and I knew you would bounce back. I'm glad to see you happy again.

And wow!!! Your flight is this Wednesday. That got here fast. I'm so happy for you. Have a safe trip, and enjoy Europe. I will be hanging on the edge of my seat waiting for updates and pictures of your journey with Kendra. Of course, please give Kendra a bid hug for us.

Big happy hugs Steph!
Donica.

That's going to be such an exciting adventure!  @Kendra and you are going to have such a great time, with your European adventure, and FacialTeam to look forward to.

All packed now, right?  ;)

Have a good flight and a wonderful time. Heal well and quickly!

Hugs, Michelle P

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 25, 2018, 11:55:30 PM
> as we stood up to go, I heard a voice behind me: "Ma'am? Ma'am?!" I turned, and there was a young woman who was trying to get my attention to tell me just how much she loved my dress. I really needed that. Yes, I'm bouncing back...

I have discovered it's more fun bouncing back, or is it in front, after breast augmentation.

    Hi Stephanie,
             Wishing you a wonderful trip to Europe. Take good care. Susan_Rose

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 26, 2018, 12:54:21 AM
I fully understand that most, if not almost all transitioners for many very good reasons can not "pull a Danielle" and relocate like I did.  I am very fortunate in that regard but I probably will not be postings about those sorts of things as much as I have been because I know for a fact that there are those that are affected negatively by all of that.

Danielle,

I realize that some people may have a hard time with some of your postings - just a few short months ago I may have, too. But I hope you don't think now that your entries have any negative effect on me. Please don't stop posting your happy news on my account. There are many different ways of viewing your life, but the overriding one for me has become transitioning can and does have a joyous outcome, despite all the challenges. I used to find incessant positiveness annoying until I realized what being witness to it was doing to me subconsciously. You know from one of my early posts on your positivity thread just how negative my worldview was back then. I won't pretend to be a Pollyanna or a Doctor Pangloss, but adopting some of the guidelines you and others have posted on that thread have helped lift me up. Reading about your suitors has gone from being a downer when I felt alone, to being a happy experience as I vicariously feel the sunny life you live (despite the cold long Alaskan nights).

You're right that I do have much to be happy about, despite the type of sad things we're all familiar with. As you are well aware, sometimes the bad things overwhelm me, and it takes time and outside help to crawl out of the pit of despair. But yes, despite the rejections I'd always expected but hadn't experienced finally coming to be, and my impatience for people around me to catch up to who I really am, I have much to be thankful for. My mom and her hubby and my sister are the best. I have many friends, some close and very dear to me, and so many more scattered around the world. There are challenges facing me, but almost all with discernibly positive outcomes. And my transition has been nothing short of amazingly, even confusingly, wonderful.
 

QuoteOh, by the way, I am certain that your thread followers and certainly me included, will want to see you post a photo of you in your new dress, with your new great looking hair style ... and a big smile on your face.

I can't believe that we didn't take a single picture on Saturday. I did pack that dress for my trip, so I'll try not to make that same mistake twice. I'll guarantee that the smile goes with the dress!

Thanks again for your caring message, Danielle. Not just for what you sent to me, but for the larger message you send to everyone here. I don't exaggerate when I say that you have positively changed the entire feeling of Susan's Place, and we're lucky you joined us.


Stephanie

Stephanie, have a great trip to Europe and I hope your Facial Team event goes well.

You are one of the many positive forces around here, who the rest of us can look up to, and forward to, as a shining example of how to be your best. You will make new friends and build a new community over time. Stay the course. All the best, Randy

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

@Steph2.0

Hi Steph, you're right we haven't spoken. I'm fairly new to posting here. I've read your story and like many found similarities. Though We're 20 years apart, and a few years separated on our journeys.

I'm More a pilot wanna be, still working towards a full ticket. Constantly traveling for work doesn't help. Working towards completing in Chicago while working. I do have my own little experimental lsa based in NW Florida. Yes It took me awhile to read your thread. I kept losing the thread while bouncing around. Forewarned If we ever meet I may still be him, I'm still 60/40.  Besides Open cockpit, my hair would likely exit midway.

Sometimes we all wish we could pull a Danielle. I call it the nuclear option. If all else fails, break glass. damn the fallout. @Alaskan Danielle No offense or Ill intent meant. I almost went that route 14 years ago myself. Where's the time machine. Then again, I'd hate to lose the positives I've gained since that point. Anyway, I don't think anyone should edit their story. It's your truth, tell it. In the end it will help more than harm. For those that take offense, eh. It's your truth not theirs. YMMV to each their own. they may be jealous or under circumstances that do not allow the "nuclear option".

Have a great trip to the EU.

Stephanie, safe travels!  I hope you have fun touring with @Kendra.  And, of course, I wish you a successful outcome from your surgery.

Well, here we go! I'm waiting at the gate for the first leg of my flight to Paris. I'll have a 1.5 hour layover in Philly, then I'll be on my way East, waving at @KathyLauren on the way.

Happy to be leaving on a big adventure.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181128/eb0b85d359027122755afdeca785e5fc.jpg)

Sad to be leaving my Bestie behind.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181128/7a3f75c4a2b759d9c9b6bab1b9dd1eea.jpg)

If anyone wants to track my flights, here's the info:

Outbound 11/28:
AAL588, MCO to PHL
AAL754, PHL to CDG

In Europe 12/1:
AF1800, CDG to MAD

In Europe 12/14:
Air Europa 1037, ->-bleeped-<- to CDG

Inbound 12/16:
AY5700, CDG to PHL
AAL422 PHL to MCO

I'll be waiting for the announcement, "Is there anyone on board who can fly an airplane?"

Stephanie
Aviatrix Extraordinaire

Don't be sad Steph! We'll take care of Cassie. We'll be tracking your flights and yes, should they ask if there is anyone on board who can fly an airplane? I'm sure you would be glad to assist. The passengers will then be in much better hands ;D. Enjoy your trip.

Hugs,
Donica.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 28, 2018, 01:09:29 PM
Well, here we go! I'm waiting at the gate for the first leg of my flight to Paris. I'll have a 1.5 hour layover in Philly, then I'll be on my way East, waving at @KathyLauren on the way.

Happy to be leaving on a big adventure.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181128/eb0b85d359027122755afdeca785e5fc.jpg)

Sad to be leaving my Bestie behind.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181128/7a3f75c4a2b759d9c9b6bab1b9dd1eea.jpg)

If anyone wants to track my flights, here's the info:

Outbound 11/28:
AAL588, MCO to PHL
AAL754, PHL to CDG

In Europe 12/1:
AF1800, CDG to MAD

In Europe 12/14:
Air Europa 1037, ->-bleeped-<- to CDG

Inbound 12/16:
AY5700, CDG to PHL
AAL422 PHL to MCO

I'll be waiting for the announcement, "Is there anyone on board who can fly an airplane?"

Stephanie
Aviatrix Extraordinaire

@Steph2.0    cc: @SassyCassie   @Kendra
Dear Stephanie:
Terrific "going away" update and neat pictures of you and Cassandra.
We will all be rooting for you and as you are able, we will be wanting updates from you and @Kendra.

Best wishes to you and have a safe, fun and pleasantly eventful "journey"
Hugs,
Danielle
***Regarding being asked if anyone onboard can fly a plane, just don't eat the fish if it is offered as a meal. :)

Good timing!  There she goes...

(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4904/32221603618_68c42b0a66_z.jpg)

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 28, 2018, 02:08:07 PM
Good timing!  There she goes...

(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4904/32221603618_68c42b0a66_z.jpg)

@KathyLauren    cc: @SassyCassie
Dear Kathy:
Thank you so much for sharing Stephanie's flight tracking with us all.   
I was about to bring up my "Flight Aware" flight tracker on my computer when I saw that you had already posted your timely information. 
If you could, please continue to keep us all up to date with her flight status while she is en-route. 

I appreciate you being on top of this...  looking for future updates as I am certain that Cassandra will be also.
Hugs,
Danielle

Gota love Flight Tracker. Danielle, Flight Tracker is better than Flight Aware. It's free.

(https://i.imgur.com/tacLX5k.png)

No talking about me behind my back! I have free WiFi!

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181128/4ba9a69ada874ec44649134e6d5139f0.jpg)

Oops! She knows :o

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 28, 2018, 02:02:37 PM
***Regarding being asked if anyone onboard can fly a plane, just don't eat the fish if it is offered as a meal. :)

Just give me the vector, Victor. And don't call me Shirley. And I am NEVER going back to Macho Grande!!

Stephanie

Delta 34, SEA>CDG

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/gwaj07u9vt6pyth/2018-11-28%2021.55.55-1.jpg?raw=1)

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/5nlygm9iwwp082x/2018-11-28%2021.55.54-1.jpg?raw=1)

Oh my! Kendra's on her way.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 28, 2018, 02:53:47 PM
Just give me the vector, Victor. And don't call me Shirley. And I am NEVER going back to Macho Grande!!

Stephanie

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie....
Yep, you nailed the movie... one of the best scenes in Airplane
Travel safe and perhaps skip the meals... they may need you to pilot the plane, it is probably a little bigger that what you are accustomed to flying so please do your best.
Hugs,
Danielle
         https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkGR65CXaNA

@stephanie   @Kendra

Dear Stephanie and Kendra:
You girls look so "cute" in the photos you each uploaded from your seat in the plane....
Travel safe and keep in touch...  your followers want to follow...
...we are a curious and very caring bunch for sure.

Wishing you both well and safe travels and happy times.
Hugs and hugs...
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 28, 2018, 03:22:31 PM
@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie....
Yep, you nailed the movie...

A little bumpy on the descent into Philly. Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.

——————-

To the passenger next to him on the plane: "I'm a little nervous."

"Oh, first time?"

"No, I've been nervous plenty of times."

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 28, 2018, 03:39:53 PM
A little bumpy on the descent into Philly. Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.

——————-

To the passenger next to him on the plane: "I'm a little nervous."

"Oh, first time?"

"No, I've been nervous plenty of times."

You know wha' they say: See a broad to get that bodiac, lay'er down an' smack 'em yack 'em.
(EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE, MAKES A WOMAN HEALTHY, WEALTHY AND WISE.)

Now take a nap and you'll be in Paris.

Wow, I had less than an hour to catch my connecting flight. Just time enough to use the ladies room, find my way to the right terminal (walking all the way) and grab a pretzel. On the plane and in my seat and ready for a long nap.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181128/4e1d5f72c3c701310ae73ed991dcd3a5.jpg)

On my last flight I was greeting with, "Hello, Miss," and was ushered out with, "Bye bye! Thank you, Miss!"

Squeeeee!!!

I'm a waving can you see me  :icon_wave-nerd:Hope the auto pilot doesn't go down------

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 28, 2018, 05:14:40 PM
Wow, I had less than an hour to catch my connecting flight. Just time enough to use the ladies room, find my way to the right terminal (walking all the way) and grab a pretzel. On the plane and in my seat and ready for a long nap.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181128/4e1d5f72c3c701310ae73ed991dcd3a5.jpg)

On my last flight I was greeting with, "Hello, Miss," and was ushered out with, "Bye bye! Thank you, Miss!"

Squeeeee!!!

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
This is all so very exciting, not only for you, but for all of us that you left behind... we are rooting for you!!!

You look so very beautiful and nice in your attached picture in your seat on your connecting flight... 
I love your hair, your smile and how feminine that you look.  It is no wonder that you were not mis-gendered.

How did TSA and passport stuff go for you during this trip so far??

Thank you for updating us... and do know for sure that we are all talking about you here on the Forums.. but as you can see it is all good things that we are saying.

Have a great flight across the Atlantic...   and again, don't eat the fish !!!!
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle

Look who I found!

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/621fe7a532fe2f338c8fa944e3347392.jpg)

Woo hoooo have fun girls

Looks like a dangerous situation. Those two women off in another country without adult supervision! I'm certain they will complete their mission despite the distractions. Have fun ladies!!! :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap:

Our apartment is 700 feet from the Louvre!

Ready to take Paris!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/2f78814f641129903f7bbf1ae31e086d.jpg)

The view from our apartment.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/15abbbd2656b2c8efa06dddd6c186066.jpg)

It's not small, it's fun-size!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/1e6f15a4dc3ab0ba3e6857a8e3317d82.jpg)

Two girls looking for fun... or trouble.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/2887233e7a7d529f8451e7d34baf5d0a.jpg)

Checked into the room, grabbed some sandwiches, and now  it's time for power naps before we hit the town.

Stephanie

You gals are making me nervous. Behave yourselves Be Safe.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 29, 2018, 06:24:32 AM
Our apartment is 700 feet from the Louvre!

Ready to take Paris!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/2f78814f641129903f7bbf1ae31e086d.jpg)

Ah, oui!  Very ... 'ow you say ... chic!

Have fun!

Wow! Wonderful pictures girls. On my! Please be nice to the locals. But by all means HAVE FUN!!!

Hugs,
Donica.

You two are certainly going to have fun!  Enjoy your time there.   

@Steph2.0   cc: @Kendra
Dear Stephanie:
Thank you for your "arrival" updates... you and Kendra look so very beautiful... and so cute together and even after your long journeys you both look very happy, rested and alert... and both of your big smiles are so very nice for everyone to see.
       
"Two girls looking for fun... or trouble."
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/2887233e7a7d529f8451e7d34baf5d0a.jpg)

I love you little shared apartment... everything you will need your for stay there.

Thank you so very much for sharing this part of your life and this exciting part of your transition journey with all of your followers.

Pleas as you and @Kendra feel so led and have time, frequent updates and more pictures will be most welcome.
Hugs and best wishes....  have fun and be safe.
Danielle

    Dear Stephanie and Kendra,
                        Have a wonderful time . Thanks for the updates. Susan_Rose

Quote from: davina61 on November 28, 2018, 05:19:06 PM
I'm a waving can you see me  :icon_wave-nerd:Hope the auto pilot doesn't go down------

It was too cloudy, Davina. Besides, I didn't have a window seat. Darn!


Stephanie

Quote from: Faith on November 29, 2018, 06:33:20 AM
You gals are making me nervous. Behave yourselves Be Safe.

Whaaaaat? Us having fun makes you nervous? Behave ourselves? Where's the fun in that?

All is well, to be reported on below.


Stephanie

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 29, 2018, 06:40:09 AM
Ah, oui!  Very ... 'ow you say ... chic!

Merci, Madame. Parisian chic!


Stephanie

It has been a long and eventful day. We met up in the airport and grabbed a train to our apartment, then went to Pret a Manger for sandwiches. From there back to the apartment for power naps. Then the big adventure began.

We bought tickets online to go to the top level of the Eiffel Tower, and jumped on a train heading that direction. On the way we decided to jump off and see the Arc De Triomphe.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/88a04630059e007da262c110ad2fa23a.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/6cbe29f2af5a8f37e138c46fcd095493.jpg)

The Champs-Élysées was all lit up in red trees with blue sparkly light, and made for some awesome pictures.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/f57d1de720205f6e1896d53a410f8d6e.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/f40b4ee5c52697e02910bae7ab07b4fd.jpg)

Look, palm trees in Paris!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/248a4a3bab80087f357eb86ff8a97105.jpg)

Dinner time at Cafe George V.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/733cbb743019b5911cfdf098fa8d8da9.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/ffa2e7641a832b74cd555dd9f66c1e1c.jpg)

The salmon salad was A-Mazing!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/0e4bb77505747e7c1ebcbeb967d34b36.jpg)

On to the Eiffel Tower!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/a46d327c6f7bf66555b853288853d493.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/e395ff208aa2942eae6e3aa66ab09d44.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/1041810407121a0ea9c8b07a28737fca.jpg)

Heading back, we decided to stop in the Louvre courtyard to see the Pyramids at night.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/056b1b4a751b490c0f31f25806c2d4a2.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181129/6d96495fb6966a2c5d92053ee4b04768.jpg)

On the way back to the apartment a guy who looked to be a Maitre D at a restaurant we passed told us, "Bonjour, Baby!" There's disagreement who he had directed that toward.

So now we're back in the room getting ready to crash. More tomorrow!


Stephanie

Well, yesterday was a whirlwind. My phone says we walked over six miles.

We left our temporary home...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/21b2d553a0578ec8799bb371a35058da.jpg)

...walked past the Louvre...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/66962f3bdcc1665da3473726f0a7ce9d.jpg)


...and caught the train to Cité to go to Notre Dame Cathedral.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/634b522e02a984eec81516f3e8fea204.jpg)

I got a picture with Charlemagne, who my sister tells me is a far far distant relative...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/cd5f1b6147a7291e9e360c8b704b0354.jpg)


...and then went into the Cathedral.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/b4f455645d5c8b5ab5fa0ee176061b1a.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/b4b487aea158909f5b98d99669a41214.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/2948091ae9c1a4768117a7f39a083dd0.jpg)

We were both completely blown away with the realization of how much manual labor went into it. I touched just one stone and felt the time and effort it took to create it, then absorbed the sheer number of those stones. It was sobering to realize that every face and pose carved into those stones was unique. No wonder it took 200 years to build it.

From there we wandered around Cité and found some really cool hidden narrow streets with great food vendors.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/3dcb2680f3694f839f6143b3427f8af7.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/b69569d6c8c49e9323844bdafaeec79e.jpg)

One section was all Greek food, and we enjoyed some gyros. A walk down the Seine...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/9d8b4a687a56916551dcbb465903faf1.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/f8f4de854f7929ca59644cb7095e75cd.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/05e0e84f3f897e5f00df45e405fb781c.jpg)


...then on the train back toward the Louvre.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/feff373cca753bfb44140ad173b473d7.jpg)


Everybody takes selfies in the Louvre.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/016675a01141de1d84ed2ebc8e593200.jpg)


Our enigmatic smiles:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/db257ff727ab30e9b2954e54fdbede05.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/148211134cb564e124ab9666bd719878.jpg)


Did anyone order flowers?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/eda1fa12d8708ff105814e14fd0aa882.jpg)


The results of disarmament:
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/67e73753ecf28f5a53619ed45ea3d714.jpg)


On the way back to the apartment we ran across a real left hand drive John Cooper Works Mini!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/270e794b8105ec9306dada759339d190.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/f455223d8847673953cb1e59bc2e7d8a.jpg)

It was so cute I tucked it in my purse to take home with me.

After a power nap we went out for dinner. I had a good chicken Caesar salad...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/edd1216ae8e762fe4a246a78159adfed.jpg)

...and Kendra limited herself to soup.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181201/8e93fa5df97e11282e474d340a228229.jpg)

That was enough for one day. A little more wandering around the Louvre and Opera House districts, and it was time to crash.

Touring Paree was awesome in itself, but hearing, "Bonjour, Ladies" and "Merci, Madame" all day was the best!

Today we head for Madrid! More on that later.

Stephanie and Kendra

I'm getting jealous of all the beautiful places you two are visiting. We think of buildings in the US that are 200 years old as ancient, but in Europe that would be considered new construction! Keep posting the fantastic photos, and we hope your trip is beyond your expectations!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Getting a photo next to Lisa Mona is so touriste but satisfying.  But then Stephanie had to hold me back at the Venus de Milo sculpture as I was about to attempt a nude photo comparing my 350cc silicone au pair installed July 2018 to Greek marble installed ~100 BC.  I'm pretty sure Venus' are out of warranty but mine have a ten year warranty and I don't have to rotate mine every 10,000 miles.  It was near end of day, I've never been deported evicted from a museum before but I figured my ticket was almost used up anyway. 

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/df6eyywsbuwkwx9/2018-11-29%2022.35.53.jpg?raw=1)

Quote from: Kendra on December 01, 2018, 07:34:20 AM
Getting a photo next to Lisa Mona is so touriste but satisfying.  But then Stephanie had to hold me back at the Venus de Milo sculpture as I was about to attempt a nude photo comparing my 350cc silicone au pair installed July 2018 to Greek marble installed ~100 BC.  I'm pretty sure Venus' are out of warranty but mine have a ten year warranty and I don't have to rotate mine every 10,000 miles.  It was near end of day, I've never been deported evicted from a museum before but I figured my ticket was almost used up anyway. 

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/df6eyywsbuwkwx9/2018-11-29%2022.35.53.jpg?raw=1)

The cool thing is my 36-almost-B's look pretty good compared to a lot of those statues!

Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 01, 2018, 07:38:24 AM
The cool thing is my 36-almost-B's look pretty good compared to a lot of those statues!

That was my first thought when I saw your photo of Venus: mine look almost like that!  I think I'll keep my arms if I pose for a statue, though.

Seeing your photo of Venus, I think I feel a lot better about my self too. Plus, we still have room to grow. WOW!!! ladies!!! Paris is such a beautiful place. And the history etc.... A must see added to my bucket list. I am in awe of all of your pictures. Thank you for sharing girls.

Hugs Steph and Kendra!
Donica.

What a wonderful time you are having!  I'm so jealous.  I need to make plans to visit there too!

That's so wonderful. Thanks for all the great photos.

Your portraits with semi-Happy Moni Lisa are great. Steph, your smile may not exactly match. Feeling good anyone?

I hope you get more than soup in Spain, Kendra.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Quote from: RandyL on December 01, 2018, 10:44:39 AM
Your portraits with semi-Happy Moni Lisa are great. Steph, your smile may not exactly match. Feeling good anyone?

   I don't understand this comment but for some reason I was compelled to smile.  :D  (Thumbs up Randy)

   I love that you two are having so much fun.  I hope you are respecting the customs over there like not squeezing the Charlemagne. Is it true that the maids really dress in those cool outfits? (Pictures please.) Is the toast...well, you know, French? I am hoping you pick up on the language okay. Oh, not French or Spanish, no, no. You should concentrate on learning 'jive' for the plane ride home. Got your pearls ready Mrs. Billingsly?
   Anyway, after that sad paragraph I'm sure Mona is crying at this point.
Keep having fun. Steph, what you said about me! Well, back at ya Girl.

With much love,
MonaMoni

@Steph2.0   @Kendra
Dear Stephanie and Kendra:

Hopefully you and Kendra are far away from the dangerous street protests in Paris....
Please stay safe.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: HappyMoni on December 01, 2018, 03:37:19 PM
You should concentrate on learning 'jive' for the plane ride home. Got your pearls ready Mrs. Billingsly?

It's okay. I'm fluent in both Jive and Southeastern Redneck. I think we're pretty much covered for any future endeavours.

Cassie this is really off-topic, but do you know what NASCAR stands for?

Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks

(I hope no one is offended. I grew up down there too!)

Hope you escaped Paris ok as on my news feed it said it was shut down due to fuel riots (Mad Max style?) Loving your photos . BTW mind you don't get a face slap on the plane home after FFS (the queue starts here) Airplane is one of my watch over and over films .

Thanks for your concern, Danielle and Davina. We left Paris yesterday for Madrid around 2:30 and saw nothing about what you mention. We're still traveling and having fun. Update forthcoming!

Stephanie

I was going to burn something but I'm too cheap to destroy a perfectly good bra.

Time to leave Paris, I am defenseless without my sword.  Après GCS.

Quote from: HappyMoni on December 01, 2018, 03:37:19 PM
   I love that you two are having so much fun.  I hope you are respecting the customs over there like not squeezing the Charlemagne. Is it true that the maids really dress in those cool outfits? (Pictures please.) Is the toast...well, you know, French? I am hoping you pick up on the language okay. Oh, not French or Spanish, no, no. You should concentrate on learning 'jive' for the plane ride home. Got your pearls ready Mrs. Billingsly?
   Anyway, after that sad paragraph I'm sure Mona is crying at this point.
Keep having fun.

I couldn't climb high enough to give Charlie a squeeeeeze.

The maids I saw were not who you'd want to see in those outfits. Maybe I'll get one for myself.

There were French Fries (not what you're thinking, though).

As for Mrs. Billingsly, I understand that she was unhappy that Ward was being too hard on... uh, Theodore.

Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don't want no help, chump don't GET da help!

In the next gallery we fought the crowds to see the Moni Lisa, post BA.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/34a5a53fdd2fb097b514dce99fc1bdbe.jpg)

QuoteSteph, what you said about me! Well, back at ya Girl.

You're far too kind, but I'll take it, with thanks.

Love back atchoo, girl!

Stephanie

Another jam-packed day. Hint: be in good physical shape if you travel with Kendra! We walked 6.5 miles on Friday and 8.25 yesterday.

Saturday was taken up with travel from Paris to Madrid via Air France. Off to the train station for breakfast and a train to the airport. Everything is Christmassy here.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/1de38e2186e430b921beee98500271ed.jpg)

Our apartment was near downtown.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/ff68e0f335165e75081b51b93d451b00.jpg)

Feliz Navidad from Plaza Mayor, Madrid.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/ebbd506ae7c42e9c070f890235ef3b1b.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/28a51174b01ca10ac9cb5ce7f1d70969.jpg)

The bars have interesting names here.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/dd9b1f2a47dce73b2688334cf5901636.jpg)

Sangria in Madrid!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/ba16b83dcedbb1b0f8a6138e0f450156.jpg)

Another excellent meal.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/4f4238a76bfe20ff6faf8f0e5f923129.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/2751b856a0290b3c4ca7095caca936d6.jpg)

An amazing town with incredible views. I think everyone in Madrid was out partying.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/5815ddc39b85a848fff88efd07f47756.jpg)

Our apartment was meh at best, but it was in a good part of town for partying. Here are the views from our second floor balcony.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/23c2d9dd1c9f0ca57472a27f07f75298.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/d3ca4569c36d4ddba37c4d71c0220fa9.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/675010e8dd400866b9e8ab95ec29147e.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181202/2b4018e82a8bc5a28cfc67e28ff14957.jpg)

We walked and walked and enjoyed the party atmosphere until I was plum tuckered out. Back to the room to finish another full day.

Stephanie

Quote from: davina61 on December 02, 2018, 03:40:25 AM
Hope you escaped Paris ok as on my news feed it said it was shut down due to fuel riots...

The news media always get the true story wrong. Isn't it just a bit too much of a coincidence that the riots started just moments after two hot chicks left Paris for Madrid?

I think the Parisian men just can't get along without Steph and Kendra.  :D

I agree with Dani and I am worried about the riots that are about to break out in Madrid now that our girls have left town!

Good luck with your procedures in Marbella Stephanie!

Tia Anne

Yes good luck may it all go smoothly and a quick recovery.

Hello Friends,

Sorry I've fallen behind on my trip reports. I'll have lots of time to catch up while I recover. I will be on the table getting FFS at FacialTeam at 9am. I'll report back here and on my separate thread about the technical aspects of the procedures when I'm finally coherent enough to write.

This is my final report with this face.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181204/9f55ead105b2e3011abe16762004d701.jpg)

See you on the other side.

Stephanie

What, are you two-faced? Lol. Good luck!

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 03, 2018, 06:44:54 PM
Hello Friends,

Sorry I've fallen behind on my trip reports. I'll have lots of time to catch up while I recover. I will be on the table getting FFS at FacialTeam at 9am. I'll report back here and on my separate thread about the technical aspects of the procedures when I'm finally coherent enough to write.

This is my final report with this face.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181204/9f55ead105b2e3011abe16762004d701.jpg)

See you on the other side.

Stephanie

Good luck I hope it goes really well


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

We're all thinking about you and know you'll do well. 

Slainte mhor agad. May your journey be long and pleasant. 

She's been wheeled into surgery, good to go!

Being here in Marbella brings back memories of my ride down that hallway a half year ago (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,230933.20.html).  Rollin' into the operating room, the anesthesiologist said good morning, and then... my world changed in so many awesome ways. 

I know for a fact, based on personal experience, Stephanie is in good hands. 

Give her a HUG from me when she comes to, XXXX

15:53 local time, Stephanie is finished with surgery and she is awake now.  They are starting with the transplant phase.  Everything is fine.

I vaguely remember my transplants, sort of.  Sleepy time.

Quote from: Kendra on December 04, 2018, 09:05:46 AM
15:53 local time, Stephanie is finished with surgery and she is awake now.  They are starting with the transplant phase.  Everything is fine.

I vaguely remember my transplants, sort of.  Sleepy time.

Thank you Kendra for being with Stephanie and for this update!

Yay!  19:00 local time, I am in Stephanie's room at the hospital talking to her right now.  :)

Steph!! I've been watching and reading and sending you well wishes, just so you know

Congratulations, Stephanie!  I am looking forward to seeing your trademark smile on your new face!

21:45 local time.  Stephanie is eating a nice grilled chicken dinner, fruit, vegetables, but then realized the container of yogurt served by the hospital is unflavored.  Plain yogurt!  "Eewww."

Quote from: Kendra on December 04, 2018, 02:58:37 PM
21:45 local time.  Stephanie is eating a nice grilled chicken dinner, fruit, vegetables, but then realized the container of yogurt served by the hospital is unflavored.  Plain yogurt!  "Eewww."

Ick, I can't even stand the smell of it when I'm preparing my sweeties lunch!

Congrats, Steph!  Hope the discomfort is minimal. I feel like I should make a joke and refer to Kendra as the discomfort, but she is too damned nice and I know she is looking out for you Stephanie. lol I am glad you finally faced this though. I am trying very hard not to make my comments funny as I would hate to make you smile and maybe put a hurtin on ya.  Get your rest, heal up, then smile your ass off, okay?
Love,
Moni

Quote from: Kendra on December 04, 2018, 02:58:37 PM
21:45 local time.  Stephanie is eating a nice grilled chicken dinner, fruit, vegetables, but then realized the container of yogurt served by the hospital is unflavored.  Plain yogurt!  "Eewww."

I have some Mideast heritage that Stephanie knows about. I was brought up on home made plain yogurt many, many years ago. I still make my own and I like it.

So there!  :P  :-*  :laugh:

Quote from: Kendra on December 04, 2018, 02:58:37 PM
21:45 local time.  Stephanie is eating a nice grilled chicken dinner, fruit, vegetables, but then realized the container of yogurt served by the hospital is unflavored.  Plain yogurt!  "Eewww."

@Kendra     cc: @Steph2.0
Be very sure to tell Stephanie to watch out for the standard hospital issue Green Jello .... usually you can nail it on a tree and the taste... well, there is no taste!!!

Hugs and well wishes to both of you girls, as always,
Danielle

@Alaskan Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 04, 2018, 10:46:35 PM
@Kendra     cc: @Steph2.0
Be very sure to tell Stephanie to watch out for the standard hospital issue Green Jello .... usually you can nail it on a tree and the taste... well, there is no taste!!!

Hugs and well wishes to both of you girls, as always,
Danielle

Danielle!  Green jello is like the mush in the Matrix.  You must know that the taste fits your palette.
Stephanie know that the jello is as sweet as nectar.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Quote from: RandyL on December 03, 2018, 07:14:05 PM
What, are you two-faced? Lol. Good luck!

What, should I rename myself "Janus?"

Interesting that Janus was also known as a god of transitions...



Stephanie

Quote from: LizK on December 03, 2018, 07:15:18 PM
Good luck I hope it goes really well

As I was going to wish you the same, I saw that you were already done. At least it will be as easy for me to remember your GCS date as it is for Moni's and Kendra's. All are significant dates for me, too.



Stephanie

Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on December 03, 2018, 08:12:40 PM
We're all thinking about you and know you'll do well.

Thank you Judi. So far so good!


Stephanie

Quote from: Jaime320 on December 03, 2018, 11:12:17 PM
Slainte mhor agad. May your journey be long and pleasant.

Thank you Jaime! I'm all for pleasant, though I hope this particular journey will be short!


Stephanie

Quote from: Faith on December 04, 2018, 12:16:12 PM
Steph!! I've been watching and reading and sending you well wishes, just so you know

Thank you Faith. I do know that you're out there and being your typical silent self, but watching and thinking of me. It's comforting knowing you're among all my other friends wishing me well.


Stephanie

 I watch quietly.

Big hug and I hope it all goes well.

:-*

Quote from: KathyLauren on December 04, 2018, 02:05:29 PM
Congratulations, Stephanie!  I am looking forward to seeing your trademark smile on your new face!

Thank you Kathy. Not looking too well yet, but I know it'll be great when I'm all healed. I can already see evidence of the lip lift and the nose does seem smaller despite the swelling. I can't wait to see the final results.


Stephanie

Quote from: Kendra on December 04, 2018, 02:58:37 PM
21:45 local time.  Stephanie is eating a nice grilled chicken dinner, fruit, vegetables, but then realized the container of yogurt served by the hospital is unflavored.  Plain yogurt!  "Eewww."

Seriously! I may have to withdraw my recommendation of FacialTeam if they bring me unflavored yogurt again. Sheesh!


Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 05, 2018, 03:38:16 AM
Seriously! I may have to withdraw my recommendation of FacialTeam if they bring me unflavored yogurt again. Sheesh!


Stephanie

OMG how could they...PLAIN YOGHURT...the cheek of them [emoji23][emoji23]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: HappyMoni on December 04, 2018, 06:17:13 PM
Congrats, Steph!  Hope the discomfort is minimal. I feel like I should make a joke and refer to Kendra as the discomfort, but she is too damned nice and I know she is looking out for you Stephanie. lol I am glad you finally faced this though. I am trying very hard not to make my comments funny as I would hate to make you smile and maybe put a hurtin on ya.  Get your rest, heal up, then smile your ass off, okay?
Love,
Moni

Hi Moni,

Thankfully, there was minimal Moani-ing here. More on that in a different entry. But there has been negative discomfort due to Kendra, if you don't count dragging me all over town on Monday night while I was wearing my pumps. Still, we looked fabulous. More pics coming up about that in another entry.

Smiling isn't a problem. I'm not sure what my ass has to do with it. They haven't done anything to improve that, dang it.


Stephanie

Quote from: Dani on December 04, 2018, 09:49:26 PM
I have some Mideast heritage that Stephanie knows about. I was brought up on home made plain yogurt many, many years ago. I still make my own and I like it.

So there!  :P  :-*  :laugh:

I choked it down, but I kept stirring and stirring trying to find the fruit on the bottom. WTH?

I'm glad you like it. I promise to leave it all for you to enjoy!


Stephanie

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 04, 2018, 10:46:35 PM
@Kendra     cc: @Steph2.0
Be very sure to tell Stephanie to watch out for the standard hospital issue Green Jello .... usually you can nail it on a tree and the taste... well, there is no taste!!!

Hugs and well wishes to both of you girls, as always,
Danielle

Now green Jello, that's something I can get into! I'm hoping if I eat enough I'll develop some of my own jiggle up top, if ya know what I mean. Not green, though...

As for being tasteless, well that just goes with my jokes.


Stephanie

Quote from: Cindy on December 05, 2018, 03:25:41 AM
I watch quietly.

Big hug and I hope it all goes well.

:-*

Thank you Cindy. I feel your good thoughts all the way from the other side of the world.


Stephanie

Quote from: LizK on December 05, 2018, 03:44:12 AM
OMG how could they...PLAIN YOGHURT...the cheek of them [emoji23][emoji23]

They redeemed themselves at breakfast. Fruity yog(h)urt this time. I reinstate my recommendation for FacialTeam. That was close!



Stephanie

Quote from: Dani on December 02, 2018, 08:22:15 PM
The news media always get the true story wrong. Isn't it just a bit too much of a coincidence that the riots started just moments after two hot chicks left Paris for Madrid?

I think the Parisian men just can't get along without Steph and Kendra.  :D

Interesting thought. Maybe I should inform the media that my new fabulous self will be stopping by again for one day on the 15th. Last chance, boys.


Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 05, 2018, 04:02:16 AM
They redeemed themselves at breakfast. Fruity yog(h)urt this time. I reinstate my recommendation for FacialTeam. That was close!



Stephanie

Phew !!![emoji51]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 05, 2018, 04:02:16 AM
They redeemed themselves at breakfast. Fruity yog(h)urt this time. I reinstate my recommendation for FacialTeam. That was close!

All this talk of yogurt reminds me of a line from the play we are doing right now (set in 1936): "It tasted like spoiled milk and had the texture of bone marrow.  It'll never catch on."

Recovery continues. Thank you everyone for your well wishes. I'll tell you all about it, but first there's some catching up to do.

Sunday morning we left Madrid on the high speed train through Córdoba to Málaga. It was much nicer than an airplane, and fulfilled the Trains and Planes parts of our trip.

The Madrid train station was amazing.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/ab8f4cf14430d54383240499541247c5.jpg)

The train itself was more like a space shuttle.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/b8dfe3eb22b9349a24c5e336bb8e9753.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/310cd618153ed85a86521e08eb98ff09.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/10bc6440ca4793dadb251de6848e9306.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/4b2e46878ddce588a5f3a33a953cc37c.jpg)

When they say high-speed, they aren't kidding.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/e1e75a9c5d22f5350d38faf7b1e22b75.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/d9668370e54f1f0a99926d5792b51442.jpg)

The Spanish countryside is very cool, with hills and olive trees and old villages and castles.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/4dbf73126dfb0bd1f0d8884edf2cfd3d.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/36f4d6f37fdaa13daf19ca58c9bc50dd.jpg)

Kendra rented a car and we drove west toward Marbella. It completed the "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" requirement of the adventure.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/0dddfde7c915edcf163183e7d684b84b.jpg)

On the way we saw this. WTH?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/3367d71285eef62dd3432d8fb2be510a.jpg)

Kendra just had to show off hers.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/6da527d1df96dffa57df1dfda34ca0b9.jpg)

We checked into the nicest hotel in the coolest location I have ever stayed in. More on that later. And more on what we did the rest of the day Sunday in the next post.


Stephanie

Congratulations Stephanie! I'm glad to hear everything went well except for the unflavored yogurt. Sorry I couldn't respond earlier. I've been a little preoccupied with silly mundane things that needed my attention.

Big hugs girl!!!
Donica.

Stephanie,

Congratulations! 

The unflavored yougurt reminds me of Kendra getting Ken's salad dressing after her surgery.  While the yogurt is not a "gender mismatch of salad dressing name" to patient gender, it is still a mismatch of preference because of no flavor.


Chrissy

 don't let that nice young lady lead you astray, (well she was polite about my curry) .Looks like your having a swell time, god nose what you will be up to next, I expect you will just take it on the chin. Still you have loads of time to brows around before catching the hairline home. 

Quote from: davina61 on December 05, 2018, 07:44:26 AM
don't let that nice young lady lead you astray, (well she was polite about my curry) .Looks like your having a swell time, god nose what you will be up to next, I expect you will just take it on the chin. Still you have loads of time to brows around before catching the hairline home.

Davina, you have been hanging around with Kendra far too much [emoji38].

Sunday Continued...

On the drive to the hotel we discussed what to do for the rest of the day. We realized that Gibraltar was only an hour's drive west of our hotel in Marbella, so after we checked into the hotel, we hit the highway.

Something large loomed over the road ahead.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/d21eb6527d4d2874bf19f4bc89f690d9.jpg)

And it got larger and larger.
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The sun was going down as we got there, and I got a picture of the sunset over Algericas, Spain - from Great Britain. (Gibraltar is part of Great Britain, to the endless annoyance of Spaniards.)
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We drove as high as we could get on whatever roads went upward, until we were turned back by a nice British guard at the entrance to some government compound at the top of the rock. The first question he asked was, "Tourists?" Then with typical British nicety he showed us how to retrace our route.

We drove not just literally around the rock, but actually through it. On the south side we went through a tunnel, and when we emerged there was an awesome sight greeting us. They light up the rock at night.
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We parked under it and got a few pictures before we finished our circumnavigation.
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As we again headed for Spain, we crossed the only large airport in the world that I'm aware of that has a major highway crossing the middle of the runway. Gates come down like a railroad crossing when a plane lands.
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When we arrived back at the hotel we had a great meal. It bodes well for the rest of the visit.
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Yes, it's caviar!
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So ends another full day in Stephanie's and Kendra's Grand Adventure.


Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 05, 2018, 03:02:31 AM
Thank you Jaime! I'm all for pleasant, though I hope this particular journey will be short!


Stephanie

I simply meant to good health, may you have a long and pleasant life. Hopefully your recovery is very short. It sounds like you're in good hands.

On to Monday.

The first part of my day was taken up with pre-surgery consultations. Blood draws, injections, chest X-rays, CT scan of my cranium, and meetings with doctors as they they tried to figure out what to do with my ugly mug. They apparently decided I wasn't completely hopeless, and cut me loose for the rest of the day. I met up with @Paula1, who had just finished up some procedures she outlines in her own thread here, and we went back to the hotel for a nice long lunch, good conversation, and a walk around the beach at the hotel.

The view from our table.
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The beach.
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My room doesn't face the sea, but it is along the left side where I can see it from the balcony.
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The view from the pool and sun deck.
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Casual Stephanie.
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After retiring to the room, both Paula and I ended up taking naps while Kendra was finishing up business at Facialteam. When she showed up in a beautiful dress, I decided that casual just wasn't going to do for the last fling with my old face, so I got gussied up, too. Off to Paula's hotel and Old-Town Marbella. What an awesome place! We started out with pictures in front of a cool fountain in the middle of town.
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Then on to dinner at a cool little hideaway that Paula knew about. Dinner was excellent, though Kendra got a little weird with a souvenir she carries from last time she was here.
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We walked through the old parts of town with narrow passageways...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/68922ebf3a2e32a87be355fb8065345b.jpg)

...and hidden plazas. This one is a real treasure: Plaza De Los Naranjas. An orange grove hidden in the middle of town. Incredible!
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With my feet about worn out from traipsing through Marbellla in pumps, we returned to the hotel. I had to get ready for my big day at FacialTeam on Tuesday.



Stephanie

Quote from: Jaime320 on December 05, 2018, 12:05:52 PM
I simply meant to good health, may you have a long and pleasant life. Hopefully your recovery is very short. It sounds like you're in good hands.

Thank you Jaime! I knew what you meant. And I, too, believe that I couldn't get better care than here!


Stephanie

And so, on to the main reason for this trip. I'll cover the details in the thread I dedicated to the subject, but here's what happened on Tuesday.

@Liz got GCS.

Oh, and I got FFS.

I took a few last pictures of this old mug with no makeup or adornment, and was ready to go.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/ef551564ba6d7a6869f794e4ef7a9b21.jpg)

FacialTeam sent a cab at 8:15 and I met up with my contact, finished some paperwork, and was shown to my room. I put on the infamous paper hospital gown and really cute but really tight tights (to quote @SassyCassie, "they don't want you playing the Thrombone in the operating room.")

The hair transplant specialist came in and drew a bunch of lines on my head. I think it was a treasure map. Dig here...
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Kendra snapped one last picture as I was rolled toward the operating theater. The sun was shining outside just before 9am.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/f2121d0c17c1e5b764e72b95a5be9afb.jpg)

They stuck a needle in my hand (ow ow ow), pushed the plunger, and bye-bye.

I heard someone calling my name (after what I'm told was seven hours) and I sort of realized I was sitting up, but I was still very much in LaLa Land. The hair transplant experts were doing their thing. I was in and out of consciousness for what was apparently 3 hours as they stuck follicles in the front that they'd stolen from the back.

Eventually they rolled me back to the room. It was some time around 7pm and dark outside. I got hooked up to a feeder line, and I felt mostly okay. They came in a little later and hooked up a pain killer. That's when the trouble started. I ended up pretty sick because of what was apparently a bad reaction to their pain killer. They disconnected it, looked worried, said some magic incantations, and eventually things calmed down. But no more of that stuff, please.

They brought me dinner, which I was able to eat, despite the unflavored yogurt we've already discussed. The pain wasn't too bad, the worst being the incision in the back of my head where they took out the strip of scalp to harvest the follicles from. It's not just the incision itself, but the fact that my scalp has been stretched to put the edges back together. I used to be able to move my scalp around, but now it's tight tight tight!

And so, for the record, here's the outcome as soon as I was coherent enough to hold a phone.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/0991c5d6205737c823aececeafd71b11.jpg)

And with my first cup of coffee in days.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/474a41b086a9de993e6f6138a2ca9ffe.jpg)

So, I had my head sliced up yesterday. How was your day?


Stephanie

FacialTeam Second Day.

Not too much to report, really. Fitful night trying to get comfortable and having to take many breaks to spray saline solution on the implants. Breakfast was good, with flavored yogurt(!). Kendra visited for a while, then went off on her own adventure. Various doctors dropped by and waved their hands, dropped drops in my eyes, and changed bags on the drippy thing. I had a nice video chat with @SassyCassie, and eventually I was looked over by the hair transplant doctor, given bags of drugs, and told to get the heck out of their bed. (Just kidding, everyone was awesome.) Back at the room I set the timer for 1/2 hour spraying sessions and started Susaning. Kendra got back from her trip and we ordered dinner. And that, friends, catches me up. More as it happens!


Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 05, 2018, 02:14:03 PM

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/474a41b086a9de993e6f6138a2ca9ffe.jpg)

So, I had my head sliced up yesterday. How was your day?


Stephanie

Steph,

I did this about 18 months ago. I feel your pain.  :'(

Take heart. You will be much lovelier in a few months when the swelling goes down.  :-*

Looking pretty darned good girl not like other FFS early results I've had a close up look at. Are you sure the did the job properly. I can't see any of the typically baseball bat applications.

As Laurie said looking well and not a lot of bruising. XXXXXXX

Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 05, 2018, 02:14:03 PM
And with my first cup of coffee in days.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181205/474a41b086a9de993e6f6138a2ca9ffe.jpg)

And that coffee has put the smile back on your face.  Garçon!  Another coffee for the lady!

Looking good, Stephanie!

Well, with nothing else to do except heal, and with Kendra on her way home, I guess I have too much time to think.

When Kendra and I were talking, she said something that really made me think:

"I've lost no one who mattered."

Way back when I first came out I'd quoted something from Doctor Seuss: "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."

I thought I understood it then, but I think it's taken weeks of time and  thousands of miles of distance away from certain people for me to really get it.

You know that some who initially told me they were supportive turned out to be not so much. When Kendra said that and reminded me of that Doctor Seuss quote, I think it finally got through my thick skull that those who don't get it aren't worth worrying about.

You can't lose a friend. If they abandon you, they weren't a friend to begin with.

You got it Steph! True friends will support you no matter what. Those who wander off were just acquaintences passing through your life!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: KathyLauren on December 06, 2018, 07:12:41 AM
And that coffee has put the smile back on your face. Garçon!  Another coffee for the lady!

Looking good, Stephanie!

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
It is wonderful to see your post-op picture... and that big smile on your face!!! ...
..and a nice hot cup of coffee too!!!

Wishing you a speedy and uncomplicated recovery.
Please keep your updates coming.   

Oh, by the way when are you scheduled to come back home?

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Hi Danielle,

Thanks for the good wishes. Despite the bruising and swelling I think I can see the improvements. This might be worth it after all. I also had something nice just happen. Despite being blocked up and hardly able to talk, when I just called to order dinner I was correctly gendered on the phone. Yays!

I'll head out of Marbella on the 14th, spend one more day in Paris (to calm down those who rioted over Kendra and I leaving), and finally get home on the 17th, with just eight days until Christmas. I guess I'd better do my shopping from here via Amazon...


Stephanie

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on December 06, 2018, 11:45:57 AM
You got it Steph! True friends will support you no matter what. Those who wander off were just acquaintences passing through your life!

That's a really good way of putting it. Maybe those people were in your life for a reason at the time but that time has passed. You're moving on with your life and they choose to stay behind in that past. I guess it happens to all of us at some point - even if it's something as simple as having outgrown your high school friends.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on December 06, 2018, 11:45:57 AM
You got it Steph! True friends will support you no matter what. Those who wander off were just acquaintences passing through your life!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

This was a really painful lesson to learn, but it is quite true.  I was very surprised at who accepted me, and who rejected me when I came out, but at a distance, yes, it was real friends that stayed with me, and those who rejected me were connected to relatively shallow attributes that I had to discard.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 06, 2018, 11:37:25 AM
...from Doctor Seuss: "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."

Mind over matter??  ???

This is too deep for me, but I don't mind. It make no matter to me.

I think, therefore I am confused a lot.  :-\

I got some quarks but have taken charge of my density and keep a positron point of reference.

Morning Stephanie,

Trust you are feeling good this Friday.

I assume you are back at the hotel.

Wow been reading your adventures, awesome 😎.

Wishing I was back in sunny Marbella, here it's cloudy, wet and miserable.

Take care and happy healing.

Hugs

Paula xx

I know I matter until I multiply myself by the speed of light squared. Then I energy.


Stephanie

Quote from: Paula1 on December 07, 2018, 02:47:15 AM
Morning Stephanie,

Trust you are feeling good this Friday.

I assume you are back at the hotel.

Wow been reading your adventures, awesome [emoji41].

Wishing I was back in sunny Marbella, here it's cloudy, wet and miserable.

Take care and happy healing.

Hi Paula!

Feeling good? That term may not apply, but I don't feel that bad, either, all things considered. Sleeping is still hard with that neck pillow. If I lean back too far I put pressure on the incision in the back of my head. Ouch. Plus having to spray the implants every hour. Wakey wakey, time for another spray. Sleeping in one-hour increments doesn't allow for much rest.

But other than that, things improve little by little each day. Breathing through my nose is a little easier today. There's no real pain from my nose, surprisingly. It just feels numb and sometimes a little itchy. Having tape and stitches on my eyelids isn't much fun but I guess I'm getting used to it. And of course the shortened upper lip makes my mouth close differently. That'll take some getting used to.

But I guess you know all of this!

I'm glad you enjoyed our adventures, and took part in one. It was a lot to pack into a very short time. I'll have one more on the way home when I have a day in Paris, but until then I need to take it easy.

I wish you were back here, too. It's kind of lonely here now that Kendra has left. I asked Isabel to give my contact information to any other girls who are staying here, and two of them are being discharged from the hospital today. Maybe I'll be able to find them and have someone to hang out with. I've got another week to go.

The weather may be bad where you are, but at least it's home. This is really nice, but I miss my home and my favorite people.

Stay warm and dry!


Stephanie

My BFF just reminded me of something that I can't believe I forgot about.

Exactly one year ago, I, along with eight dear friends and family members, was in a courtroom in front of a magistrate, and my name was officially changed to Stephanie Rhapsody Bensinger. My wonderful next door neighbor dubbed it, "Girl Harbor Day."

I am in awe of all that's happened since then. It's all in this thread, but a year ago I would never have believed that on my ReBirthday I would be in a resort hotel in Spain recovering from FFS by the best in the world.

Thank you all for riding along with me on this incredible journey.

Stephanie

PS: Two days ago was the 34th anniversary of soloing my first airplane.

Wow - that's what I get from being away from the forums a bit.... I completely missed your trip to Spain!

Congratulations first on your one year legal name change! How amazing.

And of course congratulations on your FFS, I am glad you are doing well and I hope recovery will continue the same way.

So happy for you!!!

Hugs,

Sarah

Hi Stephanie,
        Glad you are doing well after your surgery. Take it easy and don't overdo it. Enjoy your time there and relax.
      Wishing you well. Take good care. Susan_Rose

Quote from: sarah1972 on December 07, 2018, 07:11:20 AM
Wow - that's what I get from being away from the forums a bit.... I completely missed your trip to Spain!

Congratulations first on your one year legal name change! How amazing.

And of course congratulations on your FFS, I am glad you are doing well and I hope recovery will continue the same way.

So happy for you!!!

It's okay Sarah, you can be excused from paying too close attention to Susan's right now. Thanks for the good wishes! Now don't you have a special guest to get back to? (Give Jayne a hug for me!)



Stephanie

Quote from: Susan_Rose on December 07, 2018, 09:30:53 AM
Hi Stephanie,
        Glad you are doing well after your surgery. Take it easy and don't overdo it. Enjoy your time there and relax.
      Wishing you well. Take good care. Susan_Rose

Thank you Susan! Today was simple housekeeping, including laundry, and keeping in touch with friends and family. Amazing, this newfangled internet thingy! Hugs to both you and Jessica!


Stephanie

Quote from: Kendra on December 07, 2018, 02:25:57 AM
I got some quarks but have taken charge of my density and keep a positron point of reference.

I know I lost an electron somewhere. I'm absolutely positive.

I'm keeping an ion you.


Stephanie

I'm a new girl with a nucleus.  Avoid entropy and it all atoms up according to unified feel theory.

But unlike you I never learned quantum aircraft mechanics.  A wrenching admission, relativity speaking.

Sorry for not keeping up on things here......I've been a bit preoccupied.

Glad you're doing well Stephanie!

Hugs, Jess