Susan's Place Transgender Resources

sorry to hear of the crash, I really had taken some time away and missed it all...

And yes, I figured since I had to make a new account, I'd do my 3rd name change.

First I was Jennifer...then EmilyInNY...and now Jamie. Truth be told, and I mentioned it on the thread that is now in the Ether, that I had been leaning into Jamie, after some conversations with my Torrid sales friend, and those rare chances I get to be "me", I am Jamie.

Still me...46...transitioning at a snail's pace.

A couple years when I embraced this, I had started by dressing under things and "living dangerously", but when I traveled, I started finally wearing more than just the bras and panties and such. And, when I started entering the world more closely as myself, I found myself not dressing unless I could dress as much as I wanted.

Downside now is, I don't travel nearly often enough.

But...I do get to travel again in February, for a week. Even found myself a wig shop and a salon to visit, though the reality is I probably will not have any time to do it. Tho, I really really want to find time to at least get the cheap wig fixed (unless I actually get a new one, which isn't a terrible idea).

Anywho...glad to be back :)

Quote from: JamieInNYC on January 18, 2024, 08:39:54 PMsorry to hear of the crash, I really had taken some time away and missed it all...

And yes, I figured since I had to make a new account, I'd do my 3rd name change.

First I was Jennifer...then EmilyInNY...and now Jamie. Truth be told, and I mentioned it on the thread that is now in the Ether, that I had been leaning into Jamie, after some conversations with my Torrid sales friend, and those rare chances I get to be "me", I am Jamie.

Still me...46...transitioning at a snail's pace.

A couple years when I embraced this, I had started by dressing under things and "living dangerously", but when I traveled, I started finally wearing more than just the bras and panties and such. And, when I started entering the world more closely as myself, I found myself not dressing unless I could dress as much as I wanted.

Downside now is, I don't travel nearly often enough.

But...I do get to travel again in February, for a week. Even found myself a wig shop and a salon to visit, though the reality is I probably will not have any time to do it. Tho, I really really want to find time to at least get the cheap wig fixed (unless I actually get a new one, which isn't a terrible idea).

Anywho...glad to be back :)

Jamie,

Welcome back!

It is nice to be yourself in public in gender conforming clothing.
Being out as yourself for an extended time, say a week or so, was helpful for me.

Wigs can be nice, and occasionally I will wear a long hair wig.  But I prefer simply my own hair.

I am looking forward to you posting more.  Again, welcome back Jamie to Susan's.

Chrissy

Welcome back sister!!!

Hugs!

Ashley 🙋�♀️💕🌻

@JamieInNYC
Dear Jamie:
Per our Email exchange a couple days ago I am sorry that I was not able to find your
previous member account EmilyNY so that I could assist you in signing into your
old account...
....but now I am so glad to see that you could register with a new member account
and your new name.

Unfortunately as we had discussed, as a result of the New Year's Day site crash,
your old postings are gone into cyber space.... but look at it in a positive way, you
have been given a "do-over" button to have a fresh start with your new member name and
your new postings and profile that will allow you update your sharing of your  life
experiences since you were last active here on the Forum.

I am so very happy that all of your followers and I can get reacquainted with you.

You have probably noticed that navigating around the Forum is a little different than
it was before the site crash.  Our staff has been working overtime to get the site up
and running in a manner that will best serve our members... patience please ... our work
will continue for quite some time and you will see improvements and features come back a
piece at time.  If you have any questions regarding the Forum, please feel free
to contact me.

If you have not already done so, I would suggest that you go to the
                    Announcements
            https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,2.0.html

to read about what happened and what we are doing now with the Forum experience
for our members.

Again, WELCOME BACK ...
HUGS, Danielle northernstargirl@susans.org
The Forum Administrator

It's good to be back...and why not a new update? or a few, since before the crash, i was slacking...

I was trying my best to like, put a ton of hints out there with a friend. Heck, I don't even remember if I mentioned, this was the friend I've wanted to come out to for like a year. we had dinner before christmas, even me going to torrid with her didn't make her ask.
well, this girl had a ton of torrid cash, and my friend (cheryl) had some she offered to me. i was like sure, i already don't know what to get. zero fishing from her.

i sent a bathing suit idea...she was not biting. go figure.
i did get myself a sexy outfit, because i will be going to Phoenix next month and hope to maybe get out one night. basically snagged a body suit/bra set that all goes, and pair that with jeans and im good to go.

i got it for 2 reasons. 1, i loved it, and 2, i had to drop my car for service and it won't be pretty, so this girl had to spend to cope. im not even taking HRT yet and my therapist said im such a girl...

And, as i mentioned, I am going to be in PHX next month, so if anyone is out there and wants to hang...i cannot promise i will be in full Jamie mode, but i would be a friend regardless.

I am going for work, and ironically i am talking to a fellow attendee. she and i chatted a lot last year, and i've talked to her a bunch on twitter...just...as Jamie. so, she's excited to see me, but when i was like yea i loved talking to you last year...she has to just assume she forgot me or something. but, fun fact, its a small event, 400 people or so...so...i wonder if she tries to find me...

fun stuff indeed.

The other thing i've been dealing with, and talking to the therapist about, is lately more and more i've been thinking-even dreaming, or day dreaming/fantasizing about starting my HRT. honestly want to get a second opinion, just from a legit doctor, since no offense to PP, but...I don't think their bloodwork was as comprehensive as I should get, considering my age and history as well.

my major hangup honestly at this point remains the wife and kids. i don't want to flip worlds upside down given where things are at especially with the kids, but the longer it goes, the less choice i will have.

for the wife, i had hoped to trigger something with the holidays. we planned a cruise just for us in june, and before christmas i got her some sexy undies from...where else...torrid. reason i did, she remarked about hating some of what she wears from Lane Bryant...and i just never have anything fit me right from there. like, could go 2 sizes up, and still not happy. so, i was like, i LIKE these, they are sexy and not overly sexy, so...why not. some are my personal faves in my own stash, and i may have added a pair or two for me and hoped she would kinda put two and two together. except, 2 months later, she still hasn't even tried them out. she said oh, save for the cruise...im like...not the point but ok.

so at this point i am kind of eying that June vacation as MAYBE a big thing. or knowing me, nothing will be said or done and itll be business as usual.

Actually completely spaced on another conversation...

so I have two female friends, each of whom I have thought of being the first to come out to.
Cheryl is relatively local and has known me longer, so the appeal of her is...i have (in theory) more chances to see her, and if i do see her more, and come out, perhaps she's down for girls nights, which in theory could happy more regularly because its a drive.

T, my other female friend, i basically see only once a year because of work. i went to the event last year and really thought she'd be the first to know outside of my digital footprint...but...it didn't happen. its a busy week for her and for me, and we never had 5 minutes to talk one on one. plus god forbid it went bad...well...it could have gone really weird.

but, the event i see T at is coming up in a month, and she and I were texting yesterday because we have stuff to coordinate. and we made comments about needing a vent session, i said i had bottled so much stuff up it could scar someone, but thats why i have a therapist. her response: dude, im a woman (i assume meaning like, shes used to bottling feelings up). I so badly just wanted to be like...ditto. or the emoji with the zipper mouth or something. i didn't, but i thought about it.

@JamieInNYC
Dear Jamie:
I am eagerly awaiting your next update
and I am hoping that you are doing OK.

Again, I am so glad that you were able to
get back onto Susan's Place and the Forum.

HUGS,
Danielle

I am as ok as I can be. Am feeling old and out of shape lately, and the reality is, the last few years I let myself go. I had lost a lot of weight and made it like, a year into the pandemic before I fell off the wagon. Now I just can't get back in/on it, but admittedly have other concerns.

Ironic, because I was at a weight where no surgeon would have had an issue touching me, and now, I am definitely where, for SRS, I would be told "come back when you lose weight".

So, yes, I need to fix that.

Right now, however, my focus is on prep for some classes I am teaching at a conference in a few weeks. OK, it should be, but procrastination is a cruel thing.

so i need to prep for 2 classes, figure out what Jamie is packing/wearing/doing, all while wrestling with life. It's a blast...but I am still OK.

fun twists about the conference, btw, is that i have talked to people (as jamie on social media) who don't know male me and jamie are one in the same. waiting for one of them to DM me when there going "hey where you at?"

yep...too many irons in the fire. but i will survive.

So...some new news/fun.

My friend Cheryl, as I think I mentioned, is either oblivious or just doesn't care and takes what I say and is like, whatever. but now, she mentioned how she had a shoe issue at work and im like, its the universe telling us to go shoe shopping.

am i fishing? absolutely. and well, she did not say no. i said just gotta make sure wherever we go has wide widths, and for the love of god, no heels. now, i didn't have to add no heels, because my second pair of shoes was a pair of heels, and i do OK in them. actually think i got my second pair of heels before i got a second pair of flats. go figure.

on the flip side, the mrs is being...weirder than normal. very down on herself, nothing specifically to do with me/transitioning, because honestly, if she thinks about it, she never talks about it. told her if she felt that bad about anything, maybe she should have someone (a therapist) to talk to. i said that before, ive talked to my own about it, and she was proud i even said it...but the spouse is a stubborn person who largely thinks talking to therapists is pointless. now, I don't get that...i've had a therapist off and on since i was a kid for a variety of things and reasons and theres less of a stigma now than ever...but i digress.

but from there after all her woe is me BS, she's like, im telling you to move on, you should move on, if you want to move on say so. and honestly, she does this, its a twisted dance with her i swear. if i had a dollar for every time she did it, well, i wouldn't be in debt.

i am pretty sure i know what i will be talking to the shrink about this week...

and on the wig front, the shop got back to me, i have a bad feeling my schedule won't jive. i could get to see them on friday afternoon, but i think it's basically when i land...which would suck. and honestly, even if i wasn't going to don the wig and makeup, i feel an obligation to go there a bit more feminine. like, at least wear the clothes. am i crazy?

speaking of crazy...as people got more into their transition, wondering if this ever happened to them...

here's the scenario, and i would say it's been more frequent/intense in the past 2 months or so.
i have NOT started HRT yet (yes i have the pills, no i am not a chicken, i just...whatever). so anyways...usually at night when i can't sleep, i begin to daydream, or just whatever, about stepping things up. going more fem (shaving off all the bad hair, though growing any i need is unlikely). taking my HRT. going out. and yes, sometimes it gets so intense i can't help but be stimulated, but more often then not its what i pass out thinking of. i have yet to get a reasoned answer from the shrink as to what it means, if anything, but like, a year ago, i would think about stuff for a little but not like this.
but on the flip side, i will wake up and its like a reset. not that i don't want to transition or that i hate myself, just that the urge or the feeling is not overwhelming. it's there, but i guess other things keep me focused.

yep, i rambled a lot tonight...

Here's my latest...

I am super swamped/stressed/victim of procrastination. I am teaching two classes at an upcoming tech conference (anyone in Phoenix? let me know!).
one class i have taught before...there are some late changes in the course materials which I can't do much about, but mostly it is lecture and i can do that.

the other, its all new, something i suggested but only knew was running like 6 weeks ago. since finding out, there was the holidays and just a lot going on, and i needed the gear to actually run things (was not buying without knowing) and, you know...TIME. well, with 2 weeks to go...gotta get my rear in gear, which is what i was doing alot of today.

but not before i indulged that retail therapy itch.

i had an order sent to torrid and while i was waiting for it to arrive, i ordered stuff from the store to also pick up. went yesterday to get it, got it, spent MORE because the website said stuff i wanted was not there, but it was. best part, my friend jerilyn was there, and i forgot i had not seen her since like thanksgiving. she, however, remembered and had been looking for me, so we chatted. and if anyone remembers that bit from my pre-crash blog...i had hoped i could text her, because she does seem like a strong ally. well, before when i asked, she didnt quite get it. this time, when she said she was worried, i said by all means, you have my cell already, just text. shes like i thought about it but i didnt want to be weird.
im like hunny...you have seen me in more male mode versions but in all sorts of womens clothes...we are fine.

so...maybe she finally will.

also nearly outted myself (intentionally) to cheryl when i told her i was doing retail therapy at my favorite store, and when she couldnt get it, i gave her 3 choices. she gave up. no fun!

in the meantime, the stuff is in my car because i thought i was going to have an empty house this morning to enjoy...turns out, i was wrong, but i will on friday morning. using my storage unit to try stuff on works, but doing it in the house or a hotel room is just so much more civilized lol.

busy week, but a good one. i think. so far.

I guess I am taking the plunge/being more motivated.

Jerilyn at torrid asked me if I was doing the nails and stuff...and I wasn't/hadn't. And then last night, just kinda randomly decided maybe I could.

Since I will be away for a bit, and even if I can't go out as Jamie (because i will have ~400 people who know me in close proximity) I will have hotel room time, so I get to dress, experiment, see what works etc etc.

And even though I can only keep them on for a little bit (maybe I have a date come over, who knows?) I just ordered a bunch of different press on nails, and threw in some fake lashes for fun. Plus, I re-checked my arrival day times, and I do think, barring some major travel issues, that I will have time to go visit the wig shop and get myself something a bit more proper and, above all, cut to my face. Will be a splurge, but after that, my main hang ups are going to be hair removal and makeup, and perhaps sometime soon, I can partake in a girls night where I am dressed the part.

the plan sounds good in my head...

I am a little worried about your wife.  How is she doing?  Still depressed?

When she tells you to go if you want to go; it sounds to me like she is concerned about losing you.

Also, she doesn't want to wear the "sexy" clothes you bought her.  Maybe she feels that she is unattractive to you?  Or, alternatively, maybe she doesn't want to be attractive to you?

I hope all is well.

wouldn't say she's depressed. busy, with a billion things going on, and this is just another thing (and, right or wrong, she sees it as not needed). honestly, doubt she's thinking much of it now, it's nearly 2 years since and it's been discussed almost zero in the last year or so.

she has self worth issues, i've told her, she has acknowledged. but i've been upping my game a bit, and its been ok. she didn't wear what i got recently because she's saving it for our cruise, so it is what it is there. not worried about it.

life has just gotten very busy, work/life and all that. so to an extent, Jamie has taken a back seat to more important things, like keeping the job going. this was something i talked with my therapist about. was just overwhelmed with lots of things going on at once, stress with work and all that fun, and i just toned down some things as needed.

nothing put away for good, just...picking my spots and being smart, because i need a job to support everything else.  was so busy during my week away (and flight delays too) that i never got to get to my wig place...but as busy as things were, i just could not sweat it. just wasn't meant to be...yet.

well...i certainly have neglected things, haven't i?

Let's see...because there is a lot to put out there.
For a litany of reasons, I kind of put my therapist in time out. Not good, not bad, just wanted a break. Honestly, for a couple weeks, she neglected to ping me, so I just let it go.
Now, I wasn't not talking to anyone. I think I've mentioned my friend/former college crush Cheryl a time or two here and at the old site (RIP). She was one of two whom I was most likely to come out to. or at least, one of two i had in mind.

so, we've always been off and on talking, and about 5-6 weeks ago, we really got talking more. talked to her on the phone on the way home from work one day, and we just can talk. about anything and everything, but nothing in particular. she kinda finally said how she saw me (feelings and whatnot, not quite the one that got away, but it was stuff we both felt but never actually put in words, which is crazy considering we have like 30 years of history). so, while my paid therapist was AWOL, Cheryl filled in nicely (shes not a mental health professional now, but she has a psych degree).

In the meantime i did a bunch of travel, and one big trip took me to las vegas. but because i tried to pack light, i left a lot of Jamie clothes home. like, took a couple nightgowns and underthings, but figured odds were low of anything else. just not a lot of free time.

well, one morning, because sleep was rare and my schedule was out of whack, i was texting cherly. it was like 5am LV time, and i was regretting my packing decision. i told her i wish i had packed different, she made a comment like it cant be that bad. i said well i wish i had my skinny jeans. she told me they were so out, i said well then what should i buy. and in a blur, i came out.she said leggings, i said i had some, but maybe i need more...and thus began my fessing up that the torrid hints were for me and all that.

her reaction was mostly...duh. like it wasn't quite she knew but she was pretty sure but was waiting for me to spill. didn't know how much i was going to spill.

i even handled the fact that i did tell her how i felt about her, and i stressed that how I feel about me doesn't change how i feel about her (tho she was firm, she prefers the male form). but...she's as big an ally, if not bigger, than i could have hoped for. did i want to do it in person? absolutely. am i glad it happened? 1000%. and she still owes me a hug, so...winning!

Thanks for the update, Jamie.

It is always good to have allies in your corner, whether friends or family. Winning!  ;D

Welcome back to Susan's Place, Jamie!!

Have you tried online shopping for wigs or other feminine items?
There are some great websites online in which you can find nice wigs!
Even Amazon or Temu lol! It's worth to give it a try!

Hugs,
Ally

I've gotten wigs from Amazon. eventually/ultimately I will have to get to someplace to get mine styled, and/or upgrade things a bit. odds are the hair won't ever be where i'd like it to be naturally, so wigs work.

everything else is amazon/torrid for me.

fun one from the other day. cheryl (the bestie whom i came out to) texts me i think friday. shes like, random, but i have this bag of makeup mostly new, don't need or want, free to a good home. like...heck yes! made me smile.

That's how I found my favorite color nail polish!
I tried various colors and nothing excited me. My Bestie gave me two bottles of polish. She rarely wears it, but she knew I like pink and metallic. She gave me a bottle of pink chrome and clear hardener with glitter called Cocktail. She thought they were to be worn separately. But I put the hardener over the pink and WOWZA! I love it. I've received so many compliments on my nails, that I contacted LA Color and bought three bottles of each as my backup.  ;D

It is nice to have the basic makeup needed.

If anyone is fearful to buy makeup for the first time, you can explore for a long time at large grocery stores as many have a cosmetics aisle.  But do not expect any help to learn anything for what is best for you, for that go to a cosmetic store.

Chrissy

Most of my collection thus far comes from one of two spots-walmart and amazon.

Cheryl was the one who painted my nails in college. i had a nickname resembling a certain celebrity who was making news for painting his nails, so she was like, lets do it. so there i was at like 19, on a conservative college campus, with metallic blue paint. and that is on our list again

i don't mind trying, but ill be honest-when i would travel, to take all the makeup with me was...a lot...because i just dont know what i want to do or not do, so i bring everything, and then i overpack. and then i get there, and i get lazy. having her to show me, and having her to go have a glass of wine with, knowing that she knows and knowing that she expected it will be cheryl and jamie? that's what i need.

its funny that way. when i came to terms, it was mostly me around the house, without my family knowing, and i was happy getting by with panties under my "normal" clothes. then as i traveled, i hung out in the hotels with jeans and a top, or even a dress. i dabbled more in going more all in. and every time i have, it's kind of like...OK, i need to top that, because doing the little bits like at the beginning aren't cutting it. on one hand, hearing that makes me worry it's more a fetish, but i and my therapist agree it's not. it's more me knowing that i just achieved more happiness than i had before, and anything less than that is just not worth my time. sounds a little crazy, but thats me. which worries me, because i am going to get all dressed, makeup, hair, nails...go OUT with her...and then will i be able to put jamie back in the bottle? and if so...for how long? fun times ahead...

i am kinda overdue, but been busy.

not a whole lot exciting. work stress is high, too many projects and the ones that some folks value most are the ones i've apparently neglected. not a good mix, and this market sucks. yay!

kids are doing all the end of school fun. graduations and other big events, so honestly the focus is on them, as it should be. i have been so busy i have barely chatted with my therapist, but the upside is since coming out to cheryl, having her fully in the loop, it helps quite a bit.

still trying to figure out my next work trip that sends me to philly and overnight. that would mean time w/ her and the ability to pack more of my stuff to have out and about jamie time, which i do feel i need, but i keep it in check well enough, which is a plus.

i know i am at a point where it's sort of an all or nothing thing for me, meaning i get to get all jamie'd up, or i don't bother. there's definitely some mixed emotions in there, and thoughts in general, but i am A-OK.

Upside is after graduations, there is a vacation just for the wife and i (first in a long time) and then family vacation the month after. downside is...that's all my PTO for the year LOL.

survived the vacation...and turning around for a quick work trip. not to philly, which means taking Jamie with me is a touch more challenging. but, possibly maybe.

anyone around College Station, TX?

Here's something interesting. multiple layers, not sure what to make of it...

i've been meh about this texas trip. was not planned, not thrilled, just got back from another trip and was ready to be home for a couple weeks. but i was psyching myself up because i rarely get nearly a full week of time to be Jamie as much as I may wish. Not likely during the day job work-best case I could go slightly androgenous, i think?. but after work, at night, etc.

so, i went to storage this morning to pull whatever i wanted to take. it's a bit more challenging for a number of reasons, and i think it got to me.
1-i had not gone in a while, so the locker isn't as tidy as i liked it to be. i really need to find the time to take care of that. like, when i was doing this more often last summer or whenever i got more active with it, i practically had a bag packed with stuff that fit, i liked, and i could grab. not this time.
2-so i got there, i took stock, i tried stuff on, i had stuff picked out. then i got kinda overwhelmed or whatever and i talked myself out of it. i took the bare minimum, basically my nightgowns and some underwear if i decide to go out a bit incognito. i wimped out, I guess...

got home, thought it over a bit, and now i am trying to pysch myself up to go back and get what i need. part of this is going on a plane and trying to pack smart (eventually i have to get stuff back into storage so i have to be smart about my packing). but i could change my luggage and then have my uber make a pit stop, grab some jeans/a skirt and a top or two and maybe the wig and make it more of a fun trip.

decisions decisions....

like at one point i was staring at things and i was ready to get bags and donate everything. and now i am more calm.

anyone else? just me?

well...i decided to add the stop. gave myself plenty of time to add a few things, just need to swap luggage and good to go. now, if I don't change my mind one more time it will be a minor miracle

I would bring as much as you reasonably can. That gives you options. Better to have it and not use it, than to have a great opportunity and nothing to wear. Why limit yourself? Be free and enjoy the freedom.

On one hand, I told myself... "Jamie, you will have plenty of work to keep you busy after the day tasks". I am there for some surveys for work, and generally when I get back to the hotel, I review the day's findings and prepare notes for the clients. So, I could do that. But then I said...why not do it as Jamie. Even if I don't go out, being me is half the fun.

Granted, going out appeals to me too. I could go crazy and test drive a car (I am shopping, there are dealers nearby and I need to drive some) while dressed more than usual...

but i gave myself ~10-15 minutes. I assume the Lyft driver won't want to wait too long, but it's a sunday AM and not all that busy (and once in my storage, they can't leave without me/a code). Upshot of today's aborted visit, I mostly left the items in the same spots, so grabbing jeans/tops/shoes/wig/makeup should not take too long. I hope.

it means i will probably do nothing, but i will have the options

Wow, I let this one go didn't I? But, I assure you, for some decent reasons.
So since that trip prep, lets see...I was in Texas..then vacation, then sick, then in Texas again, and now here. some stuff skipped over, but lets get into it, shall we?

The first TX trip? Yes, I did go to storage and half my suitcase was Jamie's clothes. yes, i dressed up. i tried to find a hair place to cut my wig, that didn't happen. I did find a lane bryant and they had a younger woman who was super super awesome and i got some nice stuff.

my big moment? i got dressed-jeans, top, shoes, wig-everything but the makeup and nails and such. And took a drive for the better part of two hours to Buccees. In my shyness and given i know TX has an iffy rep, I did take the wig off when i went in. but i def got looks because this girl had boobs.

downside? i did meet someone on a certain male centric mostly hookup app. thought he would be nice, he was not. nothing bad happened, but as soon as we met, there wasnt a click and he was NOT picking up my body language at all.

beyond that, the first texas trip was fun.

then we went on a family vacation, got covid and was basically out of commission for July.

then, back to texas--different part. same plan though, i ran to storage the day i flew, filled half my suitcase with Jamie's clothes and went on my way. but i had a mission or three. first, i knew there was a torrid and a lane bryant. i like shopping, what can i say. but, i also found several wig places, and even in some more conservative spots, they were cool. and...i decided to give waxing a try. then i thought i was going to back out, but then when i decided to cancel, i could not, so i went.

hurt a touch, but nice. made it a nice monday evening, went there, then as luck would have it both stores were right there. LB was a bust, nothing i liked and cranky old dusty women. but i went to torrid, not needing a blessed thing, and it was empty and they had a sale AND there was a girl there, named jamie too, and she was super super chill. i did wish she'd call me, i did call her to thank her for her pajama recommendations. spent like an hour hanging with her, made my night-even counting the wax. tho i must say, waxed and then wearing my nicer undies was an amazing feeling, felt very feminine just going out of the wax place (and the waxer was like a whole new therapist. she was awesome).

the rest of the trip was sadly a bust. tried to meet some peeps, but too many were all talk. did get to a wig place, got some professional advice. downside it was more for older women/breast cancer type needs, so she had nothing on hand for me...but i did get recommendations of brands, what i was looking for, and realize why i will need to spend ~400 on a good one. she also thinks i should go blonde, but we shall see.

and that brings us to about now. after the 2nd trip, things have wound down for the summer-kids started college on monday, little guy goes back next week, its a whole bunch of craziness. but i do have more trips coming in the next couple weeks, so more time to dress and have adventures...i do believe next is either the pricier wig, and/or a makeup session. maybe both. the wig blew me away, to be honest (outside of her putting a gray one on me), because she put it on, and while the sample was too snug, once she put it on, i had no hair in my face, no issues, nothing moved and it looked real. so...winning.

so, traveling for work is a blessing and a curse. yes, more travel is coming.

I have a trip at the beginning of October to Wilmington NC. Been there once earlier this year, nice place, quiet though. My travel this time is wonky, so I actually have a bit of a free evening. And I have myself a few debates, curious what anyone might suggest.

debate one is the easy one (maybe). As it's two nights, but a relatively quick trip, I will be packing light. Really only get to bring Jamie out one evening, so I have to be smart and pick one good outfit.
debate two...do i change to Jamie post-work and go out? And if so, am I going for a wax (I will be beyond overdue). Or do I go find Sephora/Ulta and get myself a lesson/makeover, finally.

either/any of those options, as much as I am flying solo and love the idea of a wing chick, I am seriously considering going full Jamie and embracing it for a night.

which gets my last debate, which should probably go before all these...which is. i have to settle on a wig (IMHO, now that i've tried on a really nice wig, i need that fit and finish, and if i had one, i do believe i would be a lot more inspired to step out. i am supposed to go to Philly this week and next and between here and there I have found a few places that carry or should carry the style and brand...so that's the lynch pin, I think.

and i came to all this for a couple reasons.
one, every time i go away, i try to meet someone on an LGBT dating/hookup app, and all that ever happens is i talk, get hopes up and then it fizzles and i stayed up way too late to be alone.
two, when i went to texas, the best evening i had i went to the wax center, got cleaned up and then went out shopping for more stuff and hung out at torrid for an hour talking to a friendly saleswoman.

might not be as nice as snuggling or going out to dinner, but i figure i need the makeover tips and those options are nothing but sure things.

Quote from: JamieInNYC on September 23, 2024, 09:38:35 PMone, every time i go away, i try to meet someone on an LGBT dating/hookup app, and all that ever happens is i talk, get hopes up and then it fizzles and i stayed up way too late to be alone.

Have you tried playing "hard to get"? Definitely meet up, but let them do the talking. Mystery is sexy. Answer questions but be brief, then turn it around and ask, "What about you...?" And let them talk more while you just listen. Being a good listener is sexy too and could lead to cuddles.  ;)

Most just talk, want pictures and then string me along. I've met one in the last year or so of trying, and it was one of those where it was way too late so i should have said no...but i wanted to meet someone, and i was all dressed up. so, it felt like a big step...but once he got there, he was not as advertised. dunno if it was a filter or an older picture or what, but it wasn't what i was expecting, and there was like...zero chemistry. worse, he couldn't pick up on it or was hoping i'd be a good gal and give him some fun anyways. and then when he was just talking, his topics of conversation were the absolute worst.

Hi  Jamie,
I'm married so your option 2 would be my option of choice.  I'm pretty sure even if I were single, I'd still opt for option 2.  I was never comfortable on the dating/hookup scene even in my home town.  Being is a strange city would just make me that much more un-comfortable, nervous, scared.
 
I do like traveling for work when it gives me a chance to go out in the evening as "me".  I'll be traveling the first week of October too.  Unfortunately I'm not going to get a chance to get out.  Usually I'm visiting Las Vegas where my coworkers and our customers live.  So at the end of the day, they go home and I stay at a casino where I can go out as me and spend time is a busy public venue where no one bothers me or even notices me.
 
This trip is to another city and there will be 3 of us.  Two from Las Vegas and myself, and we'll all be staying at the customers casino.  I'm going to pack some stuff, but I expect I'll only get to wear a night gown on this trip, and I can do that at home.

Whatever option you go with Jamie, I hope you have a grand time.  Oh, and I hope you find a really nice wig too.

Paulie.

that is always one of my challenges-who could i/might i see who knows me. home, its all but no way. i have dressed, but always only underwear around here. once i progressed to more femme and more clothing, i have sort of an all or not at all approach, which basically limits me to travel at the moment. but, in that thought, one of my texas trips was fine and i did indeed leave my room, twice, fully dressed minus makeup and some padding. but the last one, i was in the same hotel as a number of other people, including one a few doors down from me. this isn't how i want to out myself...

philly is generally OK, because i see the clients and then they go home. i have even worn undies/camis to the office and even a trade show (and it was a lot better than i had thought). but its still a process

that said, i just booked a wig appointment for next wednesday. challenge is, its 930am, and i probably should be at an office, but for now it is booked and i will figure the rest out later.

no shock, but i had to pivot again. work plans for next week changed, as did my schedule for my trip to north carolina. so...I saw a different opportunity.

i found a place in Wilmington, she's getting me in shortly after I land. funny lady too, she was very polite and accepting but also careful because when i call i generally still give my male name, and though i hate my voice, i am also not trying to make it feminine much yet. but, once she got it, she was fun. so that should be monday, before i have to go to dinner with a client. no, won't wear whatever i purchase...that would be gutsy tho lol

Well, NC was...fun? i think. Yes, I shall call it fun.

Flight in was delayed, but fortunately not so delayed I'd have to cancel the wig visit. That already happened to me once this year (Phoenix), so not this time. Instead, it actually worked out to where instead of having a couple hours to kill, I got off the plane and went right to the shop.

Older mother and daughter (I'd say the mom would be older than my mom, and her daughter probably older than my oldest sister). everyone in there wears wigs, she had like 1000s to show off. went in, sat down, spent an hour there. looked at/tried on probably 8 or 10. she knew kind of the style and color i went in for. i tried on the one i had wanted, that i knew had a large cap. either it wasn't that large, or wasn't the large cap variant, but it was not good (like, giving me a headache). but the first one we tried, which i did not like when i tried it? that wound up being the winner. pics will come later, but instead of a redhead for this one, i got a salted caramel option (id call it brunette with blonde highlights)
so, cost me more than i expected (I'd hoped based on prices I saw online that i could net 2 for around what i spent on this one). but, she spent an hour with me tryign them on, explaining things. she cut it slightly to suit me better and did some other adjustments, and if ever i need it washed/fixed, she will handle it as part of the deal. downside is, i am not there in NC every week, it's more like every couple months...but the wig wont need that much maintenance, either. plus, if i did need to go there, it's less than a 2 hour flight...

on top of that, did more waxing, different woman (obviously). she was a bit rougher than the first, but just as nice and friendly and all that. she actually decided i needed to wax more of my bikini line, and i don't hate it lol.

i had some date options, the opportunity was kinda there, but i guess i chickened out. or, as ive said before here (or on my old blog on the old site), i may identify as female, but for the most part, i am still attracted to females. IE, i know im not gay, because i have no attraction to men. as i take hormones, maybe that changes, but i guess i need to start finding women into trans women or something, if at all.

all in all, not a bad week. i laughed too, because i packed my one small roll-a-board carryon deal. i would say 75% of the suitcase was Jamie's clothes.

just one of a few shots. no makeup, that is one on my list still. either to try myself or spend for a lesson or two

You have to hand it to New Yorkers. They have the big brains to deal with most stuff. Love you folks in the north of the US. <3 You laugh at Donald Trump like the rest of the free thinking world.

Quote from: JamieInNYC on October 12, 2024, 09:02:26 PMjust one of a few shots. no makeup, that is one on my list still. either to try myself or spend for a lesson or two

That cut and color suits you.

I love it!

thank you.
i have pictures of most of the other ones. I wanted a red (the one i had before that i liked was a red, but a cheap amazon one). the one i went in wanting, she showed me more of a brunette. officially, by birth, i had brown hair. so, when i put it the straight one one that was just brown, i wasn't thrilled, but i didn't hate it--my response to my bff and to the wig woman was. "i look like my sisters" which, for what i am after, is not the worst thing to say, really. it was funny, the second time around it was like, you know, i dig it. i couldn't believe it because the first time around i was like...nope.

upside with wigs, i can have different styles. downside with wigs, not my own hair, can't go swimming with one (i don't think?). but im a ways away from swimming in a bikini and wanting the hair

this was the cut/style i went in wanting, but not the color (i had eyed blondes and reds for this too). but, wig woman said it was too plain (i don't disagree) and ultimately, the cap was way too snug. but if ever i find it in a larger cap, it doesn't bother me, it would be my "natural" color

Quote from: JamieInNYC on October 12, 2024, 09:17:28 PMthis was the cut/style i went in wanting, but not the color (i had eyed blondes and reds for this too). but, wig woman said it was too plain (i don't disagree) and ultimately, the cap was way too snug. but if ever i find it in a larger cap, it doesn't bother me, it would be my "natural" color

I like the caramel better, but this is nice too.

If you have a cap that is too tight, they have elastic adjustment bands in the headband area. Try disconnecting the clips and see how it fits. If it fits okay, just carefully cut the adjustment bands out. They are there to make the cap smaller. Those of us with big heads don't need them.

yea, we had them all opened up, it was a mix of too tight and not a good fit, which i cannot quite articulate, but some of them didn't feel like they were all the way on, but they were. this was one where it was too tight and not secure/a good fit.

honestly, i love finding a shop for in person. but i also now know more, and im not opposed to finding that style in what is said to be a confirmed large cap and doing mail order w/ possibility of return, to see if maybe she had me trying a petite or something. i trust she knows better, but who knows.

the upside of it was, for the money, she barely trimmed anything, and almost none of them really screamed "i need this cut to work for me". she left me in that one and a couple others for a few minutes, and i was playing with the hair, tucking it behind an ear, stuff like that, and it was normal/natural. where as with the cheap stuff, i couldn't just sit around without getting annoyed because it wasn't a good wig.

I own a lot of wigs so I measured my head so I would know what will fit and what won't. And I find some good deals online, but I read the reviews and check the sizes in inches before I decide.

Glad you found something you can be happy with.

That one is a bit like my one, the replacement one I got the same as my avatar pic has some light streaks and I have been told it looks great on me. Also my avatar pic makes me look like my cousin!! 

Dear Jamie,


Merry Christmas!


Chrissy

Been a minute hasn't it?

Life got/gets busy. I changed jobs and that's kept me crazy busy. Loved lots about my old job (predictable travel where Jamie got to easily come with me), the schedule wasn't too bad, good customers...but i hated one major deal-my now former boss was a massive prick, and was getting promoted. my options were endure and wait for him to fire me because he's a moron, or leave.

so i left.

the upside? old company was a bit ass backwards with their thoughts and beliefs. quiet about it, did "just enough" to not get flamed.

new company? couldn't be much more open and accepting. when filling in my new hire insurance stuff, the first page, with ZERO hunting, is all LGBTQ services and support, and let me tell you, i could not have planned it any better if i had tried.

downside? less travel, nothing predictable, so Jamie is sort of on hiatus. there's part of me that thinks i am going to sneak bits and pieces into the daily life and just be me, but we shall see.

the confusing part? the spouse. she is all over the map. still not talking about Jamie, pretty sure she's thinking that got put away for good because she isn't talking about it (ostrich syndrome, yay). and while i am like, ok, we are close to over, then shes like, hey we should travel more and be intimate more (then we don't do either, but she talked about it i guess). very confusing, and she blames so much of it on "the change".

i will say i think i am getting a wee bit less cautious about things, so i expect to slip.
i came out to another friend...she and i have been chatting on twitter for years, both as my male ID and Jamie, because one day i slipped and messaged her from Jamie's account and just went with it and finally just came out. didn't really think i would, but then it seemed like a good idea. bummer is, i wanted to come out in person, but travel issues made that near impossible. went totally good though.

i had a chat with a new coworker as we drove home from the office one day, landed on trans topics somehow, and i just left it as "the trans folks i know just want to peacefully exist". which is kinda me in a nutshell. i then also showed off a piece of company swag i'd bought, a logo pin we can wear, and i happened to get a couple including the pride one. not hiding it, not saying why i had it, and he didn't ask or care. also joined our employee pride group, even if i am currently only doing so as an apparent ally.

yes, the home stuff will surely hit the fan spectacularly at some point, but all the rest of the signs are there that my next work chapter could be Jamie's actual grand reveal. i mean, great insurance that will cover it...i am back in manhattan so i could have a far easier time hitting up a doctor of choice....even a massive chunk covered for post-surgery recovery stays...

pinch me, this girl might be dreaming.