Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Most of us face many challenges during transition, including the potential loss of friends and family. Often, our new lives come at a substantial cost. Ignoring the big, painful losses, is there anything you miss that you didn't think about before you transitioned? Something unexpected?

Honestly, I need to think about this for a while. What triggered the question was something I had do do a few days ago for a medical check-up. I realized how much easier it was to pee in a cup before bottom surgery. Writing my name in the snow is also much more difficult.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Hi Jessica_Rose

Even I had to think about this one and I was scrapping the barrel to come up with something.  However, when you mentioned peeing into a small container, you hit the proverbial nail on the head.  This is the ultimate pain for us women.  I have not had to do this activity very much, none the less it's always a messy thing to do.  I need to learn properly on where to place the container.

The only other thing that come to mind is men can find a tree, whereas women have to find a bush.  I can live with this aspect, but not the other one, I just have to put up with it.

The life and times of being a woman, I would not miss it for the world anyway.

Writing your name in the snow? Is difficult? How? I'm certainly perplexed on this.

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B

QuoteWriting your name in the snow? Is difficult? How? I'm certainly perplexed on this.

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B

The built-in pointing device made it much easier to control my aim. It used to be 'point and shoot', now it's 'spray and pray'.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Jessica_Rose

I had an inkling that was it (maybe not), One cannot do that here in Australia, not much snow around.  You have got me in stitches. Luckily I did not have a mouthful of coffee, or my screens would have copped it.

How about how far up the wall you can do it!  I'm out of here before it gets worse.

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B
PS Still laughing
PSS I'm miss prim and proper, my ears are sensitive.

Quote from: Sarah B on January 27, 2024, 07:00:46 PMI have not had to do this activity very much, none the less it's always a messy thing to do.

Umm more so than other women sometimes...

My urine stream can spray all over... I probably should have gone back and had my surgeon see if anything could be done about it, but never did... (I'm nn he east coast of the US and he was on the west coast)

Let's just say when I have to pee in cup my hand always gets soaked, and if I have to pee in the woods, experience has informed me that the only way I can assure my panties and pants stay dry would be by taking them off no matter how I squat...

- Karen

PS Sometime it even goes over the rim and under the toilet seat and my feet can get wet!

Hi Karen

Quote from: Karen_A on January 27, 2024, 10:53:16 PMUmm more so than other women sometimes...

I would not know, this is something that has not come up in conversation with other women.  I will keep this in my mind and try and bring this up in a round about way, along the lines of "I had to have a urine test and say it's a pain doing so" and see if that illicts a response.

Quote from: Karen_A on January 27, 2024, 10:53:16 PMMy urine stream can spray all over... I probably should have gone back and had my surgeon see if anything could be done about it, but never did... (I'm nn he east coast of the US and he was on the west coast)

After my surgery, I too was spraying all over the place, I did not think much about it at the time.  I heard and I don't know how, but the suggestion was one had to position oneself on the toilet seat until you were not spraying all over the place.

Anyway I tried various positions and I eventually had my legs slightly apart and leaned forward and low and behold my problem was solved.  To what extent this was reliant on my post surgery or vice versa, I do not know, or in other words the healing process had pretty been completed and I was able to pee normally.

I suppose that's frustrating that one cannot meet your original surgeon.  Find a specialist that deals with women's anatomy downstairs?

Quote from: Karen_A on January 27, 2024, 10:53:16 PMLet's just say when I have to pee in cup my hand always gets soaked, and if I have to pee in the woods, experience has informed me that the only way I can assure my panties and pants stay dry would be by taking them off no matter how I squat...

- Karen

Seriously I would be talking to a specialist that deals with these types of problems.  I'm sure there are women that end up with similar problems downstairs and they have surgery to correct it.

In my case, what I should do is get a few containers and practice doing it, in other words locate the uretha opening and then place the container over it.  The amount of times that I have had to do this medical test is not many, so in affect I never learned to do it properly.

Quote from: Karen_A on January 27, 2024, 10:53:16 PMPS Sometime it even goes over the rim and under the toilet seat and my feet can get wet!

That's funny, but in all seriousness, one could use a pad or liner, so that in the meantime you have control of the situation.

Take care and look after yourself, especially downstairs.

Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B

When I saw the title of the thread, I couldn't think of anything.  But reading the posts, I have to concur: peeing is definitely more of an adventure than it used to be.

I can get some control of my stream if I set my legs far enough apart.  That is fine in a nightshirt, but is a problem if there is anything around my ankles like pants or underwear.

Same for peeing al fresco.  Pants at knees (not higher or lower!), feet as far apart as they will go given the pants at the knees, and hope for the best.

Then there was the time in hospital when the night nurse in emergency hadn't read my file.  I had to pee and couldn't use the restroom because they thought I had covid (I didn't).  She misgendered me and brought me a plastic bottle instead of the commode.  The ER was understaffed, so there was no point in calling her back.  Believe it or not, I was able to make it work without a mess.  When she came in later, after no doubt having read my file, she was very apologetic about the misgendering.

Billiards with the guys was fun.  But I really do not care that much. 

I miss the casual acceptance of who I am, by others of course. Obviously I accept myself.

Quote from: Faith on February 18, 2024, 01:59:20 PMI miss the casual acceptance of who I am, by others of course. Obviously I accept myself.

I am far more comfortable now working where I am accepted and it has been pleasant.
There are some exceptions when in unenlightened professional situations away from the office, so I have typically put up my facade then to avoid some issues. I do not have the grit in those times and situations yet to be myself every time, especially after some less then desirable reactions. 

Maybe one day I will.  However daily I am treated as highly competent, wanted, and as a woman.  That is satisfying. 

One step at a time.  One day at a time. 

Chrissy

Looking back over 25 years post-transition, the one thing I miss most is the safety and security of posing as a man in a man's world. Because of estrogen and age, my muscle mass is dramatically reduced. That effects my confidence to stand up for myself in a potential confrontation. But the worst of the reduced sense of security has more to do with coming across as a likely target in the eyes of ne'er do wells.

I find myself moving through my world with an exaggerated air of confidence so that I look like an unlikely victim. I also carry pepper spray with me most of the time. And I spend a good amount of time at the gun range to keep up my weapons confidence.

As an older woman, I feel I must work harder to feel safe in the world. I could feel it when I was younger and presented as "man", that people of ill will automatically assume women are softer targets for crime.

Being a black trans woman in America represents a vulnerability that I've had to learn to live with.

It has been totally worth it!

☠️
Miharu

Quote from: Miharu Barbie on February 19, 2024, 03:09:06 PMLooking back over 25 years post-transition, the one thing I miss most is the safety and security of posing as a man in a man's world. Because of estrogen and age, my muscle mass is dramatically reduced. That effects my confidence to stand up for myself in a potential confrontation. But the worst of the reduced sense of security has more to do with coming across as a likely target in the eyes of ne'er do wells.

I find myself moving through my world with an exaggerated air of confidence so that I look like an unlikely victim. I also carry pepper spray with me most of the time. And I spend a good amount of time at the gun range to keep up my weapons confidence.

As an older woman, I feel I must work harder to feel safe in the world. I could feel it when I was younger and presented as "man", that people of ill will automatically assume women are softer targets for crime.

Being a black trans woman in America represents a vulnerability that I've had to learn to live with.

It has been totally worth it!

☠️
Miharu

This is interesting.  I was AFAB and lived decades as female - and not a very large one at that.  I never had that worry about personal safety that so many women have. I have travelled all over the world, usually alone, walked through cities at night, etc. The worry I had was of being robbed or mugged, just as a man might worry about, never of rape or sexual violence. Of course, I take reasonable precautions, being alert, knowing where I am, looking inconspicuous, keeping my phone charged, etc. In all those years, I was never so much as catcalled.  I received one unwanted proposition, from a fellow who did take "no" for an answer. I know I was lucky, never to encounter actual danger, but I often wonder how I escaped what so many women have to endure on a regular basis.

I miss the bigger pockets that men have in jeans...LOL!

I had typical female sweat before I transitioned. Now I sweat a LOT. Crotch sweat, too, a lot. Ick. I miss not having to worry about such things. I expected to sweat more, but it's ridiculous now.

I've always had dry, super-sensitive skin. I still have dry skin everywhere but my face and scalp, which are very oily now--except in strategic spots. Pillowcases don't last long without needing a wash.

Head hair. Definitely miss that.

I really miss not needing to get ready before going out. Since I've transitioned, I have to have a face full of makeup before I even step out of the house. I take a little over an hour to get my makeup done but I have to do it or I won't pass.

Quote from: Clarissa Heng on August 24, 2024, 05:51:15 AMI really miss not needing to get ready before going out. Since I've transitioned, I have to have a face full of makeup before I even step out of the house. I take a little over an hour to get my makeup done but I have to do it or I won't pass.

Clarissa, it will get easier. Before COVID-19, I would never leave the house without makeup. During the pandemic, the area where I lived requested everyone wear a mask in public. Masks and makeup don't go well together, but I figured that wearing a mask would hide my perceived flaws. Eventually, the mask mandates were dropped. By then, I had become accustomed to going out without makeup. I rarely wear makeup now, usually just some lipstick.

Yes, I've had some surgical help to deal with my 'flaws'. However, I think self-confidence also played an important role. Transitioning can be a long road for many of us. It takes time, luck, patience, and a lot of personal growth. Mirrors can be evil, they only show you what you want to see. Instead of looking for flaws, look for beauty, I'll bet you find a little more every day.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Strength. It's handy.

As a trans man, I miss being able to wear earrings and paint my nails without people judging. Or putting on a lipstick. Sometimes I miss being able to use a bathroom without the fear of it not being good enough to sit to do my business (mostly because I have issues with my digestive system than having to pee standing). It's also so weird to see how many cis men don't mind so much about having privacy. I saw cis men going to a stall and keeping the door wide open as he peed standing. No wonder some guys think having trans women in the women's restroom will result in sexual harassment... They never been to one! I kinda miss this level of privacy and not fearing seeing too much of another person.

Luckily, since I pass consistently, nobody questions my presence in these places. They probably just assume I'm shy or need to do number 2.

Sorry for the nasty part of living as a guy... That's literary one of the few things that I miss about living as a woman. Also, dresses can be very practical in these moments, but I don't even like wearing most of the ones I had. I kept a few I no longer fit anymore just in case I lose enough weight to put these on later in life.

I'm kind of a feminine guy and queer as well, so that comes with that at times. I have to say the pros far outweight the cons for me though.

Re: For those who have transitioned, any unexpected things you miss?Not really as i have spent most of my adult life as i am now, things that i do not like, women tend to be more bitchy and men more dominant they tend to press issues when i say no.

I do miss not having urine defying gravity and travelling up my backside. Ugh gross.