Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Have you come out to your employer?

Was the reaction good or less than you were hoping for?

Did you decide the best thing to do after revealing your true self was to stay or leave?

Have you come out to your employer?


Yes. I have. I was just talking about this with my manager two days ago.

I told him one year ago this month. He literally changed my life. I'd spent 15 months being verbally abused by my wife. I'd spent six weeks or so failing at health care. I had been separated for a couple of months, was 58, and living with my Mom. I was low. I was really low.

I decided to tell my employer because I needed help navigating health care. I had a meeting set up with HR on the last Tuesday of Feb 2023. I told my manager the day before. I figured I needed him to know I trusted him without HR in the room. I spent 10 or 15 minutes apologizing for sticking him with having to deal with it.. yeah, my self esteem was pretty low.

He changed my life with a dozen-ish words "this is not a problem, this is just something to face together."

Was the reaction good or less than you were hoping for?


Better. Way way way better.

I told my peers on the trans day of visibility. I am still blown away and tear up thinking of that moment.

Did you decide the best thing to do after revealing your true self was to stay or leave?


Stay. I am very very visible in the company's DEI space.. and am glad I stayed.  I can't imagine leaving actually. I feel like I put authentic self out there, pretty boldly. The risk was rewarded too. Kinda cool

~Jenn

Have you come out to your employer?
Yes, six years ago today.

Was the reaction good or less than you were hoping for?
The reaction was amazing, much better than I expected.

Did you decide the best thing to do after revealing your true self was to stay or leave?
In my case, staying with Progressive was an easy decision. How many companies actually celebrate National Coming Out Day?

Love always -- Jessica Rose

hmm, I had typed a reply but must have previewed without hitting post  .. oops

I came out at work all at once, management and co-workers. Immediate co-workers were told directly by me, the others used the grapevine.  Other than one incident when I first came out, I have had no negative issues. Well, ok, one other. A new hire was clearly on the side of being a hateful bigot, they didn't make it past the probation period.

I'd worked here for 9 years. People barely knew who I was other than "that grumpy guy with silver hair"
I am now coming up on 15 years. Everyone knows who I am. I get smiles and waves and called out by name - even when I don't know them.

Going from unknown to known by everyone was my biggest adjustment to make. Although, a few panic attacks the first few times I wore a dress to work O.O

I transitioned at work several years before I retired. I had the full support of the Director of HR and the Sr. VP of Professional Services. Everyone in my department was supportive and accepting. Even customers that knew me as <deadname> accepted me as Ellen. I consider myself very lucky.

Since I was a remote employee, I will admit I was very nervous the first time I traveled to the cooperate office as Ellen. But it went very well.

Ellen

I came out to my employer in January 2021. It wasn't really a big deal, and nobody caused any trouble. I stayed and still work for that employer today.

I have not come out to my employer. Not out of fear for being who I am - but rather because I'm in the process to buying an ownership stake in the company. I'm looking forward to coming out as one of the owners, LOL! :icon_pistoles:

Hi Colarado Girl

All I can think of is, "good thinking 99".  :D

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

Quote from: Colorado Girl on February 25, 2024, 12:30:36 PMI have not come out to my employer. Not out of fear for being who I am - but rather because I'm in the process to buying an ownership stake in the company. I'm looking forward to coming out as one of the owners, LOL! :icon_pistoles:

Sounds like a good plan. 

Chrissy

Have you come out to your employer?
Yes, in 2017


Was the reaction good or less than you were hoping for?
Less than I was hoping for. Their insurance plan refused to pay for anything considered transgender care.


Did you decide the best thing to do after revealing your true self was to stay or leave?
Stay. And I changed the system. Through talking with enough people, eventually I changed the culture of the organization and they are now allowing transgender health care coverage.

Did I come out to my employer?

Yes about 5 years ago.

Reaction good or bad?

Very good, The whole company was very supportive, now,  not many know as most have been hired after I came out. The HR director is my friend. Any bigots would be fired and defiantly not hired. I am just one of the girls.

Stay or leave?

Well at the time of coming out I was contracting then over a year ago. I was offered a permanent position so definitely stay.

"Have you come out to your employer?"

Kind of, but not officially. I had been wearing androgynous women's tops for quite a while. Just over a year ago I started wearing obviously woman's tops along with much more padding in my bra.  The "breast" are pretty noticeable and with some tops you could make out the bra under the top. 

"Was the reaction good or less than you were hoping for?"

I was hoping for no reaction and that's what I got.  No one has said a thing. Not one word (at least to my face lol).  Not one stray or odd look, at least not that I noticed.  I don't feel like I'm being treated any differently the before. It's a large international company. Maybe 500 plus at our location and about 35 in my department.

"Did you decide the best thing to do after revealing your true self was to stay or leave?"

In 2 day's I will have been with my employer for 30 years, and I'm planing on hanging around for another few years. I'm past where I could retire but my job function has changed a lot in the last few years and I really liking what I do, and the money is good. It looks like they may let me work a shorter work week which would be perfect.

I don't plan on ever officially coming out at work.  Although I would like to wear skirts or maybe dresses to work at some point. 

Warm Regards,
Paulie.

   

Quote from: Paulie on February 27, 2024, 12:29:24 AM<snip>
"Was the reaction good or less than you were hoping for?"

I was hoping for no reaction and that's what I got.
<snip>

Reminds me of just before I said anything. One guy said, "The others are talking about it, I'm going to just ask ..."  then he asked if I was wearing makeup.  To which I said yes, I came out at work a few days later.

I cut back on the makeup after that though. Makeup is a learning curve. I found that, for me, less is more.

Quote from: Faith on February 27, 2024, 07:50:45 AM"  then he asked if I was wearing makeup. 

I guess, I should get myself ready to answer that question (not the makeup one, LMAO).

I have not come out yet at my workplace. The main reason is that I first need to sort out all the issues my wife and I have with me being trans and come out to close family members before coming out to folks outside of my family.

However, I do know that there wouldn't be any problems coming out at work, there are a number of trans and other gender nonconforming folks at work and my employer encourages all of us to 'bring our whole selves to work'.

Hugs,

Heidemarie

Hi Everyone

I was humming and harring about whether I should respond to these questions that Chrissy posed.  Anyway I decided to add a little perspective from my angle.  So here goes:

Have you come out to your employer?

I have never come out to any employer, whether it was government or private and I will never come out to any employee in the future.

Was the reaction good or less than you were hoping for?

I will never know of any reaction to me 'coming out', because I would not of told any one about 'me'.

Did you decide the best thing to do after revealing your true self was to stay or leave?

If I was ever outed in any way.  I would pack my bags and leave and travel to the other side of the world, (figuratively) .  Since, being outed would be like having my forehead branded saying I'm  'trans' and there is no way in hell, will I put up with that and be treated any differently than any other female.  I'm a female, nothing less and nothing more.

In my opinion outing oneself has gone to far, however this particular discussion is best left for another thread.

Best Wishes and Hugs for everyone
Sarah B

This isn't exactly an answer to ChrissyRyan's question, but her question brought this experience to mind.

In 2001, three years after I transitioned, I was working a new job; I was an accountant for a group of medical clinics. I shared an office with 2 other women, and our large office was a hangout spot for nurses and their assistants who would socialize and shirk their work. On this day there were several women in my office as I paid little attention to them; I had a big project I was working on and I was trying to tune out the conversation happening around me.

I became aware that the conversation had turned to trans people. A trans woman had come into the clinic that day which triggered the conversation. A couple of the people in my office were talking trash about trans folks, and others in the group seemed to have no strong opinions.

I wasn't sure whether to get involved or not, but as the conversation went on, it started to bother me. Finally I looked up and said, "I'm thinking about calling my mom to tell her I'm going to become a man."

Everyone in the room looked at me. There was silence for about 5 seconds, then everyone in the room broke out into hysterical laughter. The general consensus was that I was the least masculine person in the whole building and I would be the least likely man in history.

It wasn't exactly a win, as I didn't change any minds or come out in defense of myself and trans people everywhere. But it did end an annoying conversation, and everyone left my office smiling and laughing to themselves.

I did transition on the job in senior management in 1998. I have never come out to any employer since 1998. And I probably never will.

☠️
Miharu

I have my work anniversary this month.  My employer took us out to eat plus I was given a spa treatment package as a thank you.  I will book my appointment soon!

They are really thoughtful.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 27, 2024, 06:24:03 PMI have my work anniversary this month.  My employer took us out to eat plus I was given a spa treatment package as a thank you.  I will book my appointment soon!

They are really thoughtful.

Chrissy

Congrats. So happy to hear that.

As far as my coming out to an employer. My Every employers post transition was never informed, but prior to transaction I was working for the state of Washington and that was relatively easy to deal with. Key being making sure my boss was aware before she saw after I started presenting female. Hugs
Mariah.

Quote from: Sarah B on February 27, 2024, 04:29:36 PMIn my opinion outing oneself has gone to far, however this particular discussion is best left for another thread.

Hi Sarah,

There's no need for another thread, you're in a completely different place then some of the others on this thread.  Your employer has never know you as anything other than a female.  I'm sure most of us here, including myself, would not come out at work, or anywhere else if we were in the same place as you.  After being female for so long it would be devastating to be outed in any way.  I hope that never happens to you. 

So far in this thread, those that have came out at work, were/are in the process of transitioning. I've been at the same employer for the past 30 years and all they've ever known me as, has been a male.  Our choice is to hide it, move as you did long ago, or eventually come out.  I don't want to hide it and I'm not ready to move, so here I am.

On another note, my work anniversary notice came in my email today.  Congratulating me on my February 29th, 30 year anniversary date.  Funny thing, I started on a Monday.  It was February 28, 1994.  There was no February 29th in 1994. I guess that's not too bad, they were only off by one day out of 10,957 and a half. lol.      

Warm Regards,
Paulie.

I have answered Chrissy's question but thinking about Sarah's post of never being outed at work. I guess it's the nature of the company I work for and field of work I do but vetting requires full disclosure. I have been vetted 4 times since working for the company and about to be vetted again. I do not have the opportunity to not declare all details in some of the vetting as it would aways be found out, including original birth certificate, so HR knows of my past, I have great confidence in the HR small team of security personnel that any information I provide will remain confidential almost by default because of the levels of security. I am one of the girls at work and the very few mentioned about treat me as such along with everyone else that just knows me as a cis woman.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

A thought about being 'outed' at work and elsewhere. I have resigned myself to fact that I always will be outed. While being 100% stealth has it's appeal, and people telling others about me even if they didn't know bothers me, the fact is I am not 100% passing. I hit the whole gray zone spread of woman, to maybe-maybe not, to man. Responses to me have had some negatives, however, it has been mostly positive. I think of myself as the quiet activist. I don't run around 'demanding' (not right word but all I could think of) acceptance. I do purport mysself in a civil manner anf people respond to that. Let them see someone just living life and enjoying it. They seem to respond better to that.

Anyway, work, I have no idea who knows, doesn't know, or suspects. I simply don't worry about it.

It is definitely good to be just be yourself for the most part at work and out and about.  After getting some clarification about my gender struggles and true self over a long timeframe, and MTF transitioning, days can be far more peaceful now. 

While there are a few times that I choose to be "my old self" because I think it is wise to do so, which sometimes has to do with fear and sometimes that venue or situation is just not the right place to be 100% my true self, that is bearable.

Have a nice day everyone!

Chrissy

It is nice to be able to work as yourself.

Chrissy