Susan's Place Transgender Resources

We all know what questions we dread being asked by non-trans/non-lgbt people, so I ask; what questions wouldn't you mind being asked about being transgender?

Since realising I was transgender almost 3 years ago, I've seen quite a number of discussions online about questions trans people dread being asked, due to how uncomfortable they make us feel, not to mention possibly putting us in physical danger - on the flip side of this, I don't often see as many discussions of questions people don't mind being asked (this is assuming such questions are posed to you in good faith and a willingness to learn).

So, I ask: What questions wouldn't you mind being asked by non-lgbt/non-trans people about being transgender? (if posed to you in good faith)

Hi Linda, welcome to Susan's Place! Since this is your first post here, I'm going to give you our welcome pamphlet to get you off to a good start here on the site.

Please take a moment to post an introduction so we can learn a bit more about you, whatever you're comfortable sharing.

Hugs, Devlyn

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Quote from: lindajones on June 19, 2024, 04:29:33 AMWe all know what questions we dread being asked by non-trans/non-lgbt people, so I ask; what questions wouldn't you mind being asked about being transgender?

Since realising I was transgender almost 3 years ago, I've seen quite a number of discussions online about questions trans people dread being asked, due to how uncomfortable they make us feel, not to mention possibly putting us in physical danger - on the flip side of this, I don't often see as many discussions of questions people don't mind being asked (this is assuming such questions are posed to you in good faith and a willingness to learn).

So, I ask: What questions wouldn't you mind being asked by non-lgbt/non-trans people about being transgender? (if posed to you in good faith)

None. I've participated in several AMAs (Ask Me Anything) for fifth year medical students in the UK. I'm an open book.

When I'm answering questions, I will advise that a lot, if not most, transgender people will NOT want to be asked such questions.

Hugs, Devlyn

I also talk to many groups, and am an open book. I ask that they avoid asking questions about very personal things (like what is in my panties) or about my family. Other than those I am happy to answer other questions. My aim is to educate was many people as I can to hopefully help the broader communities to understand and accept us.

I do mention that many trans people are sensitive to personal questions and pronouns.

Hugs,

Allie

Hello Linda

My name is Sarah B and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that Devlyn and Allie have also welcomed you as well.

Quote from: lindajones on June 19, 2024, 04:29:33 AMWe all know what questions we dread being asked by non-trans/non-lgbt people, so I ask; what questions wouldn't you mind being asked about being transgender?

Since realising I was transgender almost 3 years ago, I've seen quite a number of discussions online about questions trans people dread being asked, due to how uncomfortable they make us feel, not to mention possibly putting us in physical danger - on the flip side of this, I don't often see as many discussions of questions people don't mind being asked (this is assuming such questions are posed to you in good faith and a willingness to learn).

So, I ask: What questions wouldn't you mind being asked by non-lgbt/non-trans people about being transgender? (if posed to you in good faith)

Well I cannot answer this question why?  I never reveal or tell anyone, about myself in this regard to my 'medical condition' to anyone, except for doctors and even then I will think twice about doing so.

The reasons for keeping myself; "in the closet" or "remaining stealth (I don't like this term)", is because of all the negative connotations, its like being branded on the forehead with the word 'trans' (I'm not 'trans' anything, I'm just another female in society), its none of their business and by saying nothing, I eliminate all the 'discrimination' and other problems associated with my change.

One can certainly find out questions one should not ask and ask a 'trans' person, just by simply doing a search in ones favourite browser.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Sarah B
Offical Greeter
@LoriDee
@Northern Star Girl
@lindajones

I'm pretty open about being trans.

For one thing, I'm bad at lying, I can't keep a secret to save my life.  Pretending I'm a cis woman (or a cis man, for that matter) would be like going back into the closet.  I transitioned to be myself, and my history is part of who I am.

For another, I didn't move away or get a new job or stop seeing people I knew when I transitioned.  I think anyone in my village who is aware of me has seen me transition.

So as long as a question isn't about implying there is something wrong or immoral about me or my being trans, or a cis person insisting they know better than me who and what I am, I don't get offended.  There are perhaps question I wouldn't answer, though.  As it happens, nobody has asked me any questions about my being trans, I don't know why.  :(

Hello Linda,

Welcome to Susan's Place!

If you are comfortable doing so, we would love to get to know more about you. You can make a quick post over in the Introductions forum to just say hello.

As to your question, in the earliest stages of transition, I did not talk about being transgender. That was because I was still learning what that meant and what obstacles I would face. It took about two years of therapy for me to understand and accept that this is who I am. At that point, I was out to the world.

I have no problems with answering questions because that is how people become informed. Sometimes their questions can be crude and invasive, like my brother asking "So you had your junk cut off?". I merely deflect the question by educating them on the subject. My reply was that nothing gets cut off. It is just reconstructed to make it more functional.

Sometimes the questions are specific but less personal. I had an ER nurse ask very politely if she could ask and her question was whether or not MtF bottom surgery involved removing the prostate. I told her it does not, then referred her to an online animated video that demonstrates how the procedures are performed. Again, it is part of education and dispelling the myths.

@lindajones
Dear Linda:
I am very happy to see that you were warmly welcomed by several of our members
to Susan's Place and the Forum.

So that more of our members will be aware of your arrival here on the Forum
it would be good if you would feel comfortable posting a brief introduction
to tell us a little more about yourself.
You can go to the    INTRODUCTIONS Forum
              https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,8.0.html

Once there, click the NEW TOPIC button and start your posting.

I am looking forward to your activity and involvement on the various
threads and topics all around the Forum.

NOTE:  Until you achieve 15 postings you won't be able to upload an Avatar/Profile photo
and you won't be able to send Forum Private messages ...
...therefore, if you have any questions regarding the Susan's Place site and the Forum
you can always feel free to contact me via my Email alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Warmest Regards and WELCOME
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
                         cc:  @Devlyn  @Allie Jayne  @Sarah B  @Asche  @LoriDee

I don't have a problem answering most questions, as long as they are posed to me during one of my presentations on what it means to be transgender. If it's just a rando person coming up to me, then they can ask me pretty much anything except for anything about being trans.

Hi Linda

In my previous post were I welcome you to Susan's and I discussed my situation, I have reread  my post and I was thinking about it overnight.  I feel that when I wrote that post I felt I was a little sharp and I would like to take this opportunity to apologise, if that is how the post came across.

As I mentioned in my post; "I never reveal myself to anyone about me" and of course the ramifications that can result in doing so.

However, what I forgot to mention is I never came out to my family, my uncle who knew, was pressured into revealing where I was and what I was doing.  Long story short, my family accepts me unconditionally.  I have told certain family members about me and I have said to those who I have told that they can ask me any questions in what I have done, within reason of course and how I feel comfortable in answering a given question. 

My philosophy on life is; "to pass on my knowledge to others", like Devlyn, Allie, Asche, Lori and Nadine have mentioned in their posts, that they pass on their knowledge in regards to us and they do it openly and I admire them in doing so, since they have a lot more intestinal fortitude than I will ever have.

Which leaves my friends and colleagues, who do not know about my 'past'.  When the subject comes up about 'us' in normal conversations and sometimes, I have steered the conversation in that general direction to get to see how they feel about the topic.

When that happens, I can add my thoughts and basically that is; "treat them with respect as anyone else in society" or "I have meet 'some of us' in my time and they passed on to me information concerning them."  In other words I try to educate or inform others about 'us' in a good way.

Humans are curious and trying to restrict the knowledge about us, is not the right way to go.  Asking questions about 'us' in an appropriate setting, time and place, is the way to go.

Once again I'm sorry if I was sharp in my welcoming message.  Take care and all the best for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Devlyn
@Allie Jayne
@Asche
@LoriDee
@Nadine Spirit
@Northern Star Girl
@lindajones

Sarah B, I did not find your first post 'sharp'. We are all in different situations, and can be affected in different ways by disclosure. I am 70, and my body shape prevents me from being completely passable, so I know people guess I am trans and so I have nothing to hide.

I also come from an education background, and now I am retired, I regularly make presentations to groups about marine science, and I also offer presentations about transgender. So I am very openly transgender. I know if I was completely passable, I would be far less open, and family attitudes also factor in my decisions.

I figure, as long as I am visible in society, I may as well do my best to improve the lot of our community, and I see education as my best way of achieving this.

Hugs,

Allie

Linda
   Welcome to Susan's,
    Having come out to many, many, people I never have a hard time explaining/answering questions. I do get tired of people asking, "so now you like guys?" As if being trans is a more extreme version of being gay. Most usually ask if I am still married and what my wife thinks about all this. The question of did you have the surgery yet? usually comes up at some point. For the most part, I'm an open book. The more that someone learns and understands, the less they are likely to believe the media hype.
  Hugs Gina

Quote from: Devlyn on June 19, 2024, 05:28:04 AMHi Linda, welcome to Susan's Place! Since this is your first post here, I'm going to give you our welcome pamphlet to get you off to a good start here on the site.

Please take a moment to post an introduction so we can learn a bit more about you, whatever you're comfortable sharing.

slope (https://slope3.com/)

Hugs, Devlyn

Things that you should read

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Thanks for your welcome. I got it.

Hello. So, I'm currently going on HRT and I'm approaching 10 months on testosterone. That allowed me to pass more often as a man, despite being nonbinary, but there are people in my life who knew me before my transition started. I honestly don't mind questions that some would consider to be personal. What I do mind is if the person is being disrespectful, especially when it comes to my pronouns and name. Calling me by my deadname and using she/her towards me are big no nos.

Sadly, that happens more often than it should. It is one of those things that we all have to deal with. I think the secret is self-confidence. You know who you are inside and they do not. They have not lived your life, so in my opinion, that makes them ignorant. We try to correct them and if they continue then it is bullying. No one has to put up with that from anyone. Just try to be patient and work through it. You will get to a point where it will bother you less and less. The T will start having more dramatic effects on how you look (face, muscles, etc.) so being misgendered should happen less and less.

Hang in there, my man. You got this!