Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Asking this to know what kinds of nonbinary people we have around here. I will start. I'm a maverique abinary person. Maverique means I have a very present gender identity that is completely divorced from being feminine, masculine or neutral and I have strong conviction it exists. It is a type of abinary gender.

There are so many to choose from and even trying to accurately describe your own can be daunting.

My psychologist hit the nail on the head: asexual trans-feminine. Of course, that is not always a selectable option on many forms and I have to just check "trans woman" even though I won't really feel like that is me until I have had bottom surgery. Asexual trans-feminine is totally accurate for now.

My gender is like a chameleon, constantly changing and adapting.

I identify as genderfluid. It's a roller coaster experience, but it's the term that best describes how I feel about my gender.

@darksou

~ Lilis

Female.

I don't have a "gender identity."

For me, gender is something I have to deal with when I'm dealing with other people, because other people seem to need to assign a gender to me.  When I'm by myself, I'm just me.

Because of how I like to dress, how I am most comfortable talking and acting, it's just easier if they gender me female.  But that's not anything essential to who I am.

My gender identity is still loading. Lol unfortunately I have crappy dial up internet and horrible processing speeds.

I think I'm between 25% and 30% female in gender and the rest male.  I identify as a hetero male because that's how I've always felt overall.  Yet that feminine minority of me has control of so many things that insist on manifesting in my personality and body language.  I consider myself intergendered, just not as center of the gender spectrum as that term originally means.

Yeah, I'm decidedly non-athletic, interested in girl's stuff and somewhat effeminate in how I present to the world.  I almost fit in with the nerds, but they can be as big of jerks as everyone else just in different ways.

The two happiest childhood days with my siblings were the one odd day that my sister inexplicably wanted to play baby dolls with me and I was up for that all day.  And the other the day my brother played a somewhat more masculine make-believe fantasy with me all day.  I hated to see both of those days end.

I also used to play with my mama's jewelry and smell her bottles of perfume.  But the only item I ever tried on was a clip-on earring just to see if that pinch on the lobe really hurt as much as it looked like it would.  It did.

I'm celibate just as a way things worked out.  I never did go out and seek women just for sex because my inner girl needs intimacy in order for me to get intimate.  When I say I'm romantically and sexually attracted only to females, I mean romantically to people of the female gender and sexually to the female anatomy.  Romantically is the dominant attraction for me.  And for that I need to get to know a lady. Being socially awkward, that tends not to happen very often.

This topic comes up from time to time and I always wonder why people always want to find a box to put themselves in. Dysphoria is not always an obvious entity, many people with incongruence don't recognise it. But we know something isn't right, and may spend a long time trying to work out exactly what it is. During this time, we often feel we match certain descriptions, but as we learn more about ourselves, we can jump from box to box. Incongruence affects us all in different ways, after all, we are all unique.

We are who we are, and we don't really change as we jump boxes, just our understanding does. If it makes you comfortable to have a box, go for it, but just don't get too attached!

Me, well I am just me.

Hugs,

Allie

OK.  I think I've got a term figured out for myself.  I hope it isn't already in use for others.  If so it isn't intentional and I'm willing to keep looking.

I'm a gender-misfit hetero male.  Because the term sounds to me like any of us who can't fit into any of the categories for which there are existing terminology.  This is one area in which I feel a blanket term might feel just a little bit warm and snuggly.

Feedback please?

Too many over think this simple question. You are who you are and learn to love yourself for that - leave the pigeonholes to pigeons.

I would much rather be an individual with all my own unique flaws and talents than some label.

My best guess at the moment is a non-binary demigirl, but my relationship with what I feel and what I want is evolving over time. So I'm trying to let that happen naturally to get the most accurate picture, but I'm finding it very hard picking away all the congealed repression and shame that has built up for most of my life. Definitely a work in progress.

However I can see the appeal of adopting a label, as it makes me feel that I'm not the first one to have had this identity, and therefore I'm not entirely alone. As long as everyone knows that we're all free to change that label whenever and wherever we want to, and no label will define anyone 100%.

My gender identity is: [ominous synth music playing]  ;D

To be serious, "nonbinary" is my favorite term.  It's the first one I encountered that completely fit me, instead of almost, sometimes, etc.  It's nicely non-specific and is common enough that a lot of people have at least heard of it or can grasp it.

The more slightly specific version is:  I feel quite disconnected from masculinity.  Femininity appeals to me but I'm not a woman.  I'm sort of androgynous, sort of fluid, and sort of demi-gendered at times.  My dysphoria is mild.

Male with a strong female component. Maybe Bi-gender.

🤔 Nonbinary or Female? I don't feel much connection to masculinity.

Hi Everyone

First: I'm an individual, that's given.
Second: I'm female, always have been. Hindsight.
Third: I have both feminine and masculine traits.  Don't ask me, I don't know how much of each, more female than male I think!

Masculine and feminine traits are often shaped by society's expectations, but having both is a natural part of being human.  These traits can shift depending on the situation, for example, being assertive at work or empathetic in personal relationships.

By embracing this mix, a person can express their full identity without being limited by gender stereotypes.  It demonstrates that femininity and masculinity can complement each other rather than oppose one another.

Recognizing and embracing both feminine and masculine traits allows individuals to express their full identity without being confined by society's expectations.  This balance shows that femininity and masculinity are not opposites but can work together, making someone a truly genuine individual.

Take care.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

@Sarah B

I love this. So true.

People have often quoted the Bible at me using the phrase "male and female created He them" as evidence that "transgender" does not exist.

I point out to them that the phrase says "male AND female," not either one or the other. We were created as spirits, both masculine and feminine, and then given a physical body so that we could interact with the physical world. We are not bodies with a soul. We are "living souls" - spirits that are alive.

(note: the definition of something being alive is that it breathes.)

It has been female for sure for a good twenty years plus, starting sometime during grad school.
Before then, a cross dresser but maybe I was MTF then during college.
It does not matter now though either way.

Chrissy

I am unsure but maybe DEVOTIONAL FEMALE AS MALE NONBINARY which means I am more devoted to dressing as female as I can but am worried about hatred and bigotry from the other side

Quote from: KikiOnKiki87 on October 17, 2025, 02:24:10 PMI am unsure but maybe DEVOTIONAL FEMALE AS MALE NONBINARY which means I am more devoted to dressing as female as I can but am worried about hatred and bigotry from the other side

Your Gender Identity is not about what you do, but about who you are.

I understand what you are saying. I am female. I am pre-op, so I have the same concerns as you, but that does not change who I am.

When I asked my psychologist how do I can reconcile my inner self with my outer self, the answer is transition. Does that make me transsexual? No, because my sex has not changed. My gender changed, thus I am transgender.

So I asked him to describe me in a way that includes my body, mind, and spirit. He said he would describe me as "transfeminine". Changing from masculine to feminine, but not quite all the way there.

I think that sort of makes me non-binary, and many of the conversations here from non-binary members have helped me to understand what that means. And in understanding, I can see how it applies to me.

I relate to what you wrote, and if that is what you feel best describes you, then you have found it. Perhaps the inner you is feminine and trying to peek out from the masculine facade. Remember that it is not about wishes and dreams, but who you truly are deep inside. And when you find the right "label", you will feel that it is right and describes you perfectly.

Not all transgender people transition. Some are content to exist somewhere within the non-binary spectrum, or reject any imposed labels and are happy to declare "I am me". Some of us see the gender spectrum as existing between masculine and feminine, and we exist somewhere in between. There is no right or wrong.

Susan wrote a very good post about this:
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247148.msg2262144.html#msg2262144

I hope you find this helpful.

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 17, 2025, 04:02:32 PMYour Gender Identity is not about what you do, but about who you are.

I understand what you are saying. I am female. I am pre-op, so I have the same concerns as you, but that does not change who I am.

When I asked my psychologist how do I can reconcile my inner self with my outer self, the answer is transition. Does that make me transsexual? No, because my sex has not changed. My gender changed, thus I am transgender.

So I asked him to describe me in a way that includes my body, mind, and spirit. He said he would describe me as "transfeminine". Changing from masculine to feminine, but not quite all the way there.

I think that sort of makes me non-binary, and many of the conversations here from non-binary members have helped me to understand what that means. And in understanding, I can see how it applies to me.

I relate to what you wrote, and if that is what you feel best describes you, then you have found it. Perhaps the inner you is feminine and trying to peek out from the masculine facade. Remember that it is not about wishes and dreams, but who you truly are deep inside. And when you find the right "label", you will feel that it is right and describes you perfectly.

Not all transgender people transition. Some are content to exist somewhere within the non-binary spectrum, or reject any imposed labels and are happy to declare "I am me". Some of us see the gender spectrum as existing between masculine and feminine, and we exist somewhere in between. There is no right or wrong.

Susan wrote a very good post about this:
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247148.msg2262144.html#msg2262144

I hope you find this helpful.

Yes! I feel exactly the same way, Lori! When I first responded to this thread, I still felt that I was male... mainly. But, my journey this year has changed my thinking. I think and respond to the world differently now. There is still a male element to myself. But it is no longer in control. It got absorbed into who I am now. I hope that I'm making sense here. It's hard to explain. I don't get angry anymore. That emotion has been replaced with empathy. I move differently. Slower, more gracefully. I can't say that I am a woman now. I spent my life as a male. I feel that the most honest answer to the gender question is that I am a trans woman.

My gender identity is female.  If pressed, I will admit to being trans-female.  And, if pressed harder, I will admit that my femaleness is probably not 100% binary.  Close to it, though: I am much closer to being binary female than to any variety of non-binary.

My sex (meaning the configuration of my genitals) has changed, thanks to the good surgeon.  And my paperwork has changed to match.  My gender identity has not changed.  I now understand that I have always been female, since at least as far back as I can remember, and likely back to before I was born.  They told me that I was male, but they were wrong.

Quote from: KathyLauren on October 25, 2025, 02:57:10 PMMy gender identity is female.  If pressed, I will admit to being trans-female.  And, if pressed harder, I will admit that my femaleness is probably not 100% binary.  Close to it, though: I am much closer to being binary female than to any variety of non-binary.

The only way to know that I am trans is the style of clothing I wear (only because I haven't come out yet to my family), my hair length and my genitals... and I plan to remedy all of them in the near future.

I am me, the face of a male and the body of a women. all 128 lbs. of me and gorgeous C-cup breasts. I'm not interested in pigeonholing myself theirs enough people doing that already. I always wear women's under clothing and at times I'll wear women's outer clothing and sometimes I'll wear men's. It's whatever makes me feel comfortable for that particular day. But one thing seems to always be the same once my day ends and I'm at home relaxing with my wife I'm all women, and thats it. It never changes, so what am I? that's actually an easy one I'm me.

@darilee
Dear Darilee: 
Perfectly and wonderfully stated. 
I am so happy to read that you are confident in who you are.  I like what you stated about
wearing women's or men's clothing and that you will wear whatever makes you comfortable for
a particular day... and that when you day ends you are at you home relaxing with you wife.

Thank for sharing your lovely story.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
    The Forum Administrator

Quote from: darilee on November 01, 2025, 07:10:12 PM
I am me, the face of a male and the body of a women. all 128 lbs. of me and gorgeous C-cup breasts. I'm not interested in pigeonholing myself theirs enough people doing that already. I always wear women's under clothing and at times I'll wear women's outer clothing and sometimes I'll wear men's. It's whatever makes me feel comfortable for that particular day. But one thing seems to always be the same once my day ends and I'm at home relaxing with my wife I'm all women, and that's it. It never changes, so what am I? that's actually an easy one I'm me.

I'm basically "in the closet" so officially I am male (because I was AMAB) but I have a very strong female side to my personality and if have had to put a % on it then I would say in a free world I would be 60% female and 40% male but it could swing to as much as 80% female. So I would say I'm gender fluid because I do enjoy moving back and forth between the genders. I can't consider myself non-binary because when I am feeling feminine then it is very binary and I want to be a woman completely. That's very binary. Interestingly I never go to the other extreme of fully male.

So I think gender fluid suits me best but to the outside world I'm male. Sigh.

Like Robbyv213, I think my identity is still loading.
AMAB, quite a lot of girl in the early years but liked boy sports.

Crossdresser before puberty.
Fetishistic crossdresser during and after puberty, but enjoyed underdressing because I had to hide.

Into middle age I saw myself in the mirror and began to hate what I saw, so I was male again

Almost into my 60s going through quite a bit of trauma, I find myself wanting to present differently again.

My wife asked why have you started cding again. I couldn't give a clear answer but after doing a lot of research I really have ticked off most of the transgender boxes.

I can't say I want to transition but if I suddenly woke up female tomorrow I wouldn't be dissapointed.

Of course I can see this is kind of misogynistic as this makes it seem like being a woman is so simple and easy and at my age it means I would have skipped so much of the hard things women go through.

I find myself needing to slow down and go back a bit and start communicating better with my wife.

As far as labels go I don't care what people I don't know say, but I do worry about what some male friends would think. But I reslly don't have any close male friends.

Quote from: Petunia on January 10, 2026, 04:50:23 PMI can't say I want to transition but if I suddenly woke up female tomorrow I wouldn't be dissapointed.

Of course I can see this is kind of misogynistic as this makes it seem like being a woman is so simple and easy and at my age it means I would have skipped so much of the hard things women go through.

I find myself needing to slow down and go back a bit and start communicating better with my wife.

I think that you will find that many of us went through the same thing in some form or another.

There is no requirement to transition. Many transgender people do not, for a variety of reasons, including health, safety, and finances. How you want to live your life is your business.

Definitely keep communicating with your wife. If you have difficulty with that, perhaps a marriage counselor can help. Especially one with experience with gender identities. Seeing a marriage counselor does not mean your marriage is broken or needs fixing. They are there to help you both better communicate with each other. It provides a safe space where you two can really discuss important issues without getting sidetracked or interrupted by outside influences.

Good luck. We will be here if you need us.

I don't know what my gender is. I have some female tendencies. I also have some manly ones. I would fave to say something fluid

Life's to short to worry about labels
I am me.
If you want to put a label on me that is your label not mine.
It's amazing once you get of a certain age or mind set labels don't matter

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on February 17, 2026, 10:38:16 AMLife's to short to worry about labels
I am me.
If you want to put a label on me that is your label not mine.
It's amazing once you get of a certain age or mind set labels don't matter

This is exactly right.

I am not a label. Labels only address a very small part of who I am. I know who I am, so if others are wrong, that's on them.

Read this informative posting regarding definitions of Gender Identities:

        Standard Terms and Definitions on Susan's Place
    https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=54369.msg337984#msg337984

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
   The Forum Administrator

I can only really describe myself as Agender/Genderqueer. In reality I don't feel any gender at all. I can't lock onto anything.

After years of working on this and years of therapy, I've settle on considering myself genderfluid. I'm still a "guy" and I do "guy" things, but I know that both are social constructs. I know that gender roles don't mean a thing. But I don't mind being thought of as a guy.

On the other hand, I enjoy being recognized as a woman. In particular, I'm slowly getting over decades of body dysmorphia that I think were triggered by gender dysphoria. I never liked my male-coded body and dreamed of having a female one, but I thought my discomfort was caused by being tall and lean and feeling "less than." Some bullying and shaming from others didn't help at all.

Now I like my body a lot more. I want my body to be seen. It's pretty uncomfortable at times because I present as male and have kept myself hidden for several years.

With ongoing changes happening in my appearance and upcoming facial feminization surgery, I can't help but ask the following questions:

1. Do I call myself genderfluid because I don't believe I can be seen/see myself as fully female or is it what I really want for myself?
2. Will that change if by some miracle I find myself being read as female more of the time than not? I've not had the privilege of passing so I don't know if that experience would "flip" the switch.
3. Am I simply afraid to commit to a female identity? I'm so used to being "a normal guy" for so long, and I feel that switching away from that is really scary.

This is something I hope to figure out for myself. But if I end up flipping between genders, that's ok because I'm still much happier than I'd be if I'd never come out to myself and started my transition.

I believe I am female in mind but not body and I have been for as far back as I can remember, I have no doubt there. My earliest memories are of wanting to dress like my mum and play with other girls and their toys. I knew something wasn't right. As a teenager I was so jealous of the girls in my school as they went through puberty and blossomed into beautiful women and I went in an opposite direction. I obsessed about them and other famous women privately but it was never sexual, I wanted to be them so badly.

I have actively avoided so called lad culture all my life and I've never been involved in a fight always preferring to avoid confrontation. I have enjoyed some activities and interests that are male focussed but I think that a lot of girls would enjoy them too if they tried them. My best and pretty much only close friend is a girl and I have always struggled getting to know other men. I tended to ride on the coat tails of male peers and take their lead it never felt natural to me.

Trans issues weren't really discussed when I was growing up and by the time they became more mainstream I had built a comfortable world around me. I have lacked the courage to do anything permanent about it up until now but I am sure I will one day.

That is a longwinded way of saying I think I am definitely transgender and not anything in between and I've never really thought I was anything else.

Quote from: Dawn Kellie on February 17, 2026, 10:38:16 AMLife's to short to worry about labels
I am me.
If you want to put a label on me that is your label not mine.
It's amazing once you get of a certain age or mind set labels don't matter

I feel this exactly the same being older.  I have not a care what they think about me.  I am happy the way I am and don't need someone else's validation about it.  It can be nice if it's there, but it's not needed.

I ruled out genderfluid because I don't change. Still feel female regardless of looks. I still have more masculine hobbies, so I am just a Tomboy. If people don't like it, they'll just have to get over themselves. It's not about them. Never was.

😁

Genderfluid, I'm pretty sure at least! It's almost like a little adventure every day, trying to figure out what pronouns I'm going to be using today (or at least until the next time my brain starts screaming) but at least the word I use to describe myself doesn't have to change :D.

I am woman, hear me roar!

I would definitely say woman. However, but I feel like tomboy fits me so much better.

Transgender, genderfluid (Thanks, Susan, for the succinct lexicon I just read again).
I preferred he/her/hers shortly after walking through Susan's door for the first time right at a year ago (he/him at signup).

I was confident my trajectory was headed towards she/her/hers when I began HRT last June (Estradiol only, no T-blockers because of my health and age according to my provider at PP). And the estrogen certainly seemed to make me feel more in alignment with my female self (I suspended HRT after several months because of subsequent health issues but hope to resume).

All that being said, I have decided to retain current pronouns (he/her) because I frequently 'regress' to my male persona. I've spent much of my time on Susan's attempting to resolve this dilemma because I really, really want to be a woman and to look like a woman. I no longer trouble myself with doubts and details regarding my gender. I'm happier when I feel like a woman but have come to terms with also being a man. My favorite current theory explaining my genderfluidity is the 60 years of gender role scripting to which I fanatically adhered for more than 60 years (thanks TanyaG!). It was naive of me to believe I was going to get all that worked out in a year.