Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was having  conversation with my wife, saying that at some point I feel I would just be a woman and move on from being trans. As many members do, I feel I would probably just continue life as a woman and move on from the groups, boards and chats to just living my life as a woman. Her response was you will always be a trans woman no matter what. This really got me thinking. Comments, thoughts ?

I agree with her. Not everybody will, and that's a beautiful thing.  :)

I think that for a transsexual, who is generally described as someone who has or will undergo social and medical transition, there may be more of an inclination to reach the  "finish" or "endpoint".

Personally, I  never know if I'm going to wake up to a boy day or a girl day, so I'm perennially trans.

My two cents worth.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

I have wondered about this myself.

I continue to feel that I am female. Even after all surgeries and cosmetic procedures are done, I will still be. But that is not an endpoint for me. I will continue to evolve, working on voice, mannerisms, clothing style, etc. And since I will always be evolving, I am part of the Forever Trans Club.

I live my life as a woman.  For most of what I do, being trans is not relevant.

But I cannot deny my history.  So, when it becomes relevant, I will admit that I am a trans woman, and always will be.  I do not believe that it is ever possible for me to not be trans, because that would mean that my past never happened.

I participate in trans social media because it helps me, and it allows me to help others.

I'll never menstruate, which is the bar that the far left and far right hold against us, while conveniently not holding other women to the same bar, i.e. you no longer menstruate, therefore you're no longer fully female.

I have learned that if someone knows about my past, my past assumes a primacy that obviates my present and even my last 40 years, therefore I adopt half of Bill Clinton's approach: I don't tell.

Women who have undergone a hysterectomy do not menstruate either. So there's that.

I do not care so much about those labels such as trans or women. I am basically a nominalist, and I believe everybody is unique. But I admit that I do not menstruate or deliver a baby, which means I am not biologically female. Nevertheless, I need to satisfy my desire within the social norm, pursuing what I can do to present and express my femininity, whether physical or psychological. I have never said I am trans, and people around me never call me trans, but I am biologically male, as I have never been on HRT or undergone GRS. Sometimes I identify myself as a woman, and some people accept it.

Cheers,

barbie~~

Quote from: Devlyn on September 07, 2024, 08:48:37 AMI agree with her. Not everybody will, and that's a beautiful thing.  :)

I think that for a transsexual, who is generally described as someone who has or will undergo social and medical transition, there may be more of an inclination to reach the  "finish" or "endpoint".

Personally, I  never know if I'm going to wake up to a boy day or a girl day, so I'm perennially trans.

My two cents worth.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

This makes sense.  Whether you are to have boy day or a girl day, you are a lovely person. 
You look good too.

Chrissy

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 07, 2024, 12:52:03 PMI'll never menstruate, which is the bar that the far left and far right hold against us, while conveniently not holding other women to the same bar, i.e. you no longer menstruate, therefore you're no longer fully female.

I have learned that if someone knows about my past, my past assumes a primacy that obviates my present and even my last 40 years, therefore I adopt half of Bill Clinton's approach: I don't tell.

That is a crazy (menstruate) standard.  I do not agree with it.  Loco.


Chrissy

Quote from: Gina P on September 07, 2024, 08:42:16 AMI was having  conversation with my wife, saying that at some point I feel I would just be a woman and move on from being trans. As many members do, I feel I would probably just continue life as a woman and move on from the groups, boards and chats to just living my life as a woman. Her response was you will always be a trans woman no matter what. This really got me thinking. Comments, thoughts ?

To actually answer your question Gina - I think your wife's opinion is wrong. I believe that if you are binary in your gender (as in Male or Female) and you need to transition, then your goal would be one day to reach your preffered gender and be recognised as that, male or female and not have to be labelled a third gender for the rest of your life..

Medically I will always be transgender -- a person who is 'in between', maybe or a mixture of both.

Mentally, I will always have memories of the person who came before. Some memories are ones I will cherish, while others are memories of a darker time in my life. Although I wish I could forget those dark times, they will always be a part of me. They helped make me who I am today.

Personally, to quote Helen Reddy, 'I am woman'. I am the person I always knew I should have been. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am simply 'me'.

Love always -- Jess

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 07, 2024, 12:52:03 PMI have learned that if someone knows about my past, my past assumes a primacy that obviates my present

While not universal that is how it is with many who are accepting and supportive to some degree.

Way back when  while I was doing electrolysis locally, the operator was well liked in the local community and was friendly and accepting and even socialized with some in the community ...

But when I asked her if she knew a post op was dating a close relative of hers and they did not out themselves to that relative would she tell the relative...

Her answer was yes... and that confirmed to me that if was possible for me, stealth was were I wanted to be.

In many people's eyes knowing you are T* colors much of how they experience you even when they are accepting,  friendly and supportive.

Unfortunate, but that is how it is.

- Karen

Of course I have a slightly different perspective on this. I firmly believe we are born with incongruence with our birth sex, and it causes us distress by way of dysphoria. Many of us identify this, and realise the best way to reduce this dysphoria is to reduce our incongruence by adapting our lives and bodies to more align with our identity.

It is a human condition within the normal range of human conditions, like cleft palate, or hole in the heart, and people who go through those procedures don't hold onto a classification, they just get on with their lives. It should be the same for us, but we suffer much more social stigma, and psychological distress. We have varying outcomes from transition and live in significantly different cultures re acceptance.

So, once we accept the classification of being trans, it can rule our lives to varying extents. Those who manage to transition enough to get rid of dysphoria still have to find our place in society. We all have different experiences with this. Personally, I have found that most people at least suspect I am trans, but I live in an accepting society, so it is rarely an issue. I just live as most others, worrying about everyday issues.

I know people who have transitioned quite successfully, but in oppressive societies, so being trans is a daily issue for them. Others I know, for various reasons, weren't able to achieve 'passing', and some struggled to even find the clothing they felt was necessary, so, while they have mostly addressed their dysphoria, they haven't achieved social acceptance and self confidence, so they can't move past being trans. Many people simply cannot medically or socially transition.

Some of us are fortunate enough to simply get on with life in our new persona, and being trans is never an issue, while others just can't get past it for personal or social reasons. We are who we are, transition addresses dysphoria to a great extent, but we are mostly the same person we were. I see it as a medical condition I have mostly solved, and now my life is pretty much back to normal (well, sex transition has been replaced by age transition!). I am open about being trans to those who enquire, but mostly so they have some understanding.

In my mind (and I stress, this is only how I see myself, not others) I was never a man, and I will never be a woman. I have seen myself as unique all my life, so I am simply me.

Hugs,

Allie

Hi Everyone

As Kathy says;  "I live my life as a women or female." Always have and always will.  The only thing that has to be noted in all of this.  I was born with a medical condition and when I began to find out about it sometime in the mid 80's I found out that it was called 'transsexual'.

Yes, I know hindsight and all that and I started to find out more when I joined Susan's for the first time in 2010, 20 years after surgery.  However, none of all that ever worried me.  I just changed my life around and lived my life as me.

Only in certain circumstances do I say that I'm a transsexual and then only once and that is only for one or two doctors that have to know.  I will only tell them this because it's in relationship to my health and nothing else.

So all of these other terms, labels, descriptions, I do not scribe too.  I have lived with out them for over 35 years and yes I use them around here, but sparingly.

A couple of reasons why I do not subscribe to those words are.  First I don't want to be a label and put in a box, I'm not one of the mob so to speak, well actually I'm not!  Second my life is private, being that I do not tell anyone about me, hence those terms do not get used around me and only in discussions with friends when we are talking about the subject.  Finally my thinking and my disdain is reinforced from not using those labels comes from Morgan Freeman.

During a 2005 interview with Mike Wallace for television's "60 Minutes" news magazine program, Academy Award-winning actor Morgan Freeman found the concept of Black History Month to be "ridiculous" and maintained the way to get rid of racism was to "stop talking about it".

QuoteWALLACE: Black history month You find Ridiculous
FREEMAN: Ridiculous.
WALLACE: Why?
FREEMAN: You're going to relegate my history to a month?
WALLACE: Come on.
FREEMAN: What do you do with yours? Which month is White History Month? Come on, tell me.
WALLACE: I'm Jewish.
FREEMAN: OK. Which month is Jewish History Month?
WALLACE: There isn't one.
FREEMAN: Why not? Do you want one?
WALLACE: No, no.
FREEMAN: I don't either. I don't want a Black History Month. Black history is American history.
WALLACE: How are we going to get rid of racism until ...?
FREEMAN: Stop talking about it. I'm going to stop calling you a white man. And I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man. I know you as Mike Wallace. You know me as Morgan Freeman. You're not going to say, "I know this white guy named Mike Wallace." Hear what I'm saying?[1]

So yeah, there's that.  In regards to the other aspects, there are women who do not menstruate or have babies and have XY genes.  I was born with the medical condition and I accept that unconditionally and if I could change those aspects of my life that would allow me to menstruate and have babies without hesitation, I would, but I cannot.

Therefore, I'm Sarah a female, me and nothing else.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
[1] Stop talking about it (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeixtYS-P3s)

My lovely daughter at the age of 20 is curious about my fashion items, and when they are delivered home, she sometimes opens them before me. Although my family members are relatively tall here, she is short. The doctor and we did not expect it, as my wife and I are tall. I wish I could give some of my height to her. Nevertheless, she is my lovely daughter, and she should overcome it.

Just ago, my wife commented that my arms are thinner than my daughter's, which upset her a little bit. In some aspects, I am more feminine than her. I wear bikini in the beach, but she does not (here most women wearing bikinis are expected to be extremely slim). She is a little bit masculine in her behavior, and even her voice is low. But I love all of her charateristics.

I think my transsexualism is comparable to the short height of my daughter, which was inherited, can not be changed, and should be overcome anyway. The society has changed, and I think <i>>-bleeped-<</i> becomes a less stigma or burden to overcome. In my case, people around me accepted me far better than I initially expected 20 years ago. To see it, you may visit my YouTube page at: www.youtube.com/@barbiekorea21

barbie~~

I am a transwoman, that's undeniable — but I do see transition as a process, not a label, a badge, or calling card. It's a means to an end.

I already live my life as a woman, and I imagine as time passes the percentage of people who treat me that way will continue to grow. And while, of course, friends and family will always know of my past, since most already seamlessly treat me as a woman, and all strangers do... I see no reason to brand myself otherwise.

Quote from: Gina P on September 07, 2024, 08:42:16 AMI was having  conversation with my wife, saying that at some point I feel I would just be a woman and move on from being trans. As many members do, I feel I would probably just continue life as a woman and move on from the groups, boards and chats to just living my life as a woman. Her response was you will always be a trans woman no matter what. This really got me thinking. Comments, thoughts ?

Excellent responses from everyone, but agreeing on a high level from what you shared from the conversation with your wife I agree with Devlyn. It would depend on the degree of where I'm at in my gender spectrum.

Can you share your wife's reasoning for more context if you don't mind?

Quote from: imallie on September 08, 2024, 01:11:23 AMas time passes the percentage of people who treat me that way will continue to grow

Yes, and being treated as a woman will change you. It's the nurturing in nature vs. nurture. Simone de Beauvoir addressed this here:

"Woman is not born fully formed; she is gradually shaped by her upbringing. Biology does not determine what makes a woman a woman—a woman learns her role ..."

And here: "One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman."

I love being treated as a woman.  I never take it for granted. 

Chrissy

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 08, 2024, 06:32:44 AMYes, and being treated as a woman will change you. It's the nurturing in nature vs. nurture. Simone de Beauvoir addressed this here:

"Woman is not born fully formed; she is gradually shaped by her upbringing. Biology does not determine what makes a woman a woman—a woman learns her role ..."

And here: "One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman."

I hear that, and it makes perfect sense. But I also think it may not be something I will not be able to experience in full as much as those who transition at a younger age would.

My world as I approach 60, gets smaller, not larger. With large families on both sides, and a big group of friends, it seems like more and more the balance of time will be spent among those who have always known me. And time in the public will be more episodic.

So while I do feel very much treated as a woman by most in the family, there's still that — undiscussed wall, you know? I'm welcomed into the club with open arms... but maybe I should stay out of the VIP area. LOL.

I guess that might be just me... no, I know that's just me. But it'll be curious to see if that fades over time.

Quote from: Sarah B on September 07, 2024, 06:55:28 PMHi Everyone
During a 2005 interview with Mike Wallace for television's "60 Minutes" news magazine program, Academy Award-winning actor Morgan Freeman found the concept of Black History Month to be "ridiculous" and maintained the way to get rid of racism was to "stop talking about it".

I can not agree on it more, and you pinpointed what I wanted to say, but did not express well in English. "Just don't talk about it. Just do it" is a kind of my motto.

Cheers,

barbie~~

I like it at the supermarket when I walk in and the carts are stuck that sometimes a guy says, "Let me get for you ma'am."  Most of the time you are left to yourself in those situations; but, sometimes, two or three times, a man helped me. 

That is thoughtful.

Chrissy

Quote from: imallie on September 08, 2024, 08:43:04 AMBut it'll be curious to see if that fades over time.

Me too. Keep me in the loop.

Quote from: imallie on September 08, 2024, 08:43:04 AMI'm welcomed into the club with open arms... but maybe I should stay out of the VIP area.

Well put.

It is annoying to me that men ask whether I need help. When I take selfies, they ask more than once whether they can take photos for me. They are excessivly kind.

Sometimes a man approaches me on the excuse of his companion animal, mostly dog. But a week ago on the beach, one man used his horse as an excuse, saying that his horse was out of control. A moment later another man passing me repeatedly asked me whether he may take photos for me. He was with a woman, presumably his wife. This happened to be recorded by my phone camera.

https://youtube.com/shorts/_lMzH8DRqd4

Cheers,

barbie~~

Early on in my transition my wife asked me why I always identified myself as a trans woman when I went places, like a new support group, or that one time at a PFLAG meeting. I said to her that I felt I was just being honest about who I am, and she pointed out that she doesn't introduce herself as a woman. She just says her name and she was a little confused as to why I didn't just do the same. Basically I want to be perceived as a woman, everywhere, and every time, however I was continually outing myself all the time because of some sense of obligation to tell people about my past.

Eventually I stopped. Now I will only ever do it when I give TG college speeches. Why else would it come up if I don't bring it up? Oh, right, at my last surgical consult appointment I did talk about being trans to the surgeon, but again only because it was relevant. So I'll talk about it as need be, but it doesn't normally need to be talked about.

Hi Nadine

Nadine you mentioned in your post.

Quote from: Nadine Spirit on September 08, 2024, 06:50:39 PMEarly on in my transition my wife asked me why I always identified myself as a trans woman when I went places, like a new support group, or that one time at a PFLAG meeting. I said to her that I felt I was just being honest about who I am, and she pointed out that she doesn't introduce herself as a woman.  She just says her name and she was a little confused as to why I didn't just do the same.  Basically I want to be perceived as a woman, everywhere, and every time, however I was continually outing myself all the time because of some sense of obligation to tell people about my past.

Eventually I stopped. Now I will only ever do it when I give TG college speeches. Why else would it come up if I don't bring it up? Oh, right, at my last surgical consult appointment I did talk about being trans to the surgeon, but again only because it was relevant. So I'll talk about it as need be, but it doesn't normally need to be talked about.

What I have highlighted, is exactly what should be done in all manner of similar situations.  One of the fundamental reasons why I never tell anyone.  They see me or perceive me to be a women, nothing less and nothing more.  I do not have any obligation to tell them anything about me and neither do they.  If I did they would perceive me as something completely different, no way is that going to happen not if I can help it.

To me this is a binary world of approximately 49.5% male and 50.5%female, 0.1% intersex and 1% transgender.  Please don't quote me on these figures.  So there was a stuff up regardless of how it happened for intersex and transgender people and if they wish to be labelled however, then that is their prerogative to do so.  I however, will place my two feet in the binary world and more specifically the female group.

I will only talk about it very rarely and only when there is a good reason to do so.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Nadine Spirit

Quote from: Gina P on September 07, 2024, 08:42:16 AMI was having  conversation with my wife, saying that at some point I feel I would just be a woman and move on from being trans. As many members do, I feel I would probably just continue life as a woman and move on from the groups, boards and chats to just living my life as a woman. Her response was you will always be a trans woman no matter what. This really got me thinking. Comments, thoughts ?

This is just what I think but isn't a transwoman already a woman? You could stop doing those things if that's what you want but I don't think you're any less of a woman for continuing to do them. That's only if you want to of course.

A few interactions from this weekend helped clarify things for me a bit, in terms of this question. Because a large part of being a woman vs being a transwoman (not to make ANY judgement whatsoever on the relative merits of either choice -- to each her own) is learning to BE a woman, in temperament, interpersonal relationships, and general deportment. And I am NOT talking about any of the outward things like how you walk, talk, hold your hands, etc.

It's more about how women talk to, and interact with each other.

I've always been more comfortable talking to women, so that part has been easy for me. And very early in my transition, female friends and family would ALWAYS say, to any photo posted, or upon seeing me in person, how "amazing" I looked, or paying me other such compliments.

And, while I do admittedly look pretty good (Oh God, get OVER myself, Pul-eese!), I have to say I kind of got used to it... and came to expect it.

But the last few months or so -- I don't hear it anymore.

At first, I thought? Do I no longer look good? And it made me self conscious.

But watch a group of women gather -- it's NEVER a "how great you look!" fest. A new hairstyle, of course people weigh in. You've lost weight? Of course. But just day in and day out? No way.

Those first few months I was on the training wheels protocol. But I think lately I'm getting big girl treatment.

My sister texted me this weekend with photos of an outfit she was going to wear to her daughter's 40th birthday party to see what I thought, saying "you're really my only sister who I think cares much about fashion."

And when we were at a big dinner with my wife's side last evening, my sister-in-law from across the table, tapped her neck area and smiled -- telling me how much she liked my necklace.

Those are just micro examples of how women compliment each other.

So I do think being a woman is more than just a self-declaration, it's the capacity of your mind and spirit to instinctively respond in kind to those kinds of reactions, and in fact initiate them. I hate to use the word "surrender" .. but I mean it in a positive, not passive fashion. You need to be able to surrender to this so that it becomes instinctual.

Just my $0.02. And maybe just the way I enter the world and does not ring true for anyone else. Certainly not looking to dictate to anyone. Just share how I've made sense of all this

Love,
Allie

@imallie

I am with you on that. I have always been more comfortable talking with women, to my own detriment. Nobody wanted to see some "guy" getting along with their girls. But since transitioning, I pick up on those cues and send them myself. It's like I'm part of the club now, I know the secret handshake, and I speak the secret language. Clearly, you are there too.

QuoteSo I do think being a woman is more than just a self-declaration, it's the capacity of your mind and spirit to instinctively respond in kind to those kinds of reactions, and in fact initiate them.

I was at a festival yesterday for four hours and three or four times, I complimented other women on aspects of their appearance, once for hair, once for sunglasses, once for the entire outfit, and perhaps a fourth one that I can't recall. Each time, the women were happy to talk about that element of their appearance or something else.

I was with several other women and one dresses plainly like me, but she too noted and commented on fashion. We both enjoy it, but don't employ it. However, I always have to read the room before complimenting someone. Some women will be offended when you compliment not them.

I do enjoy receiving a genuine compliment.

I do give them too. 

Except once I was a bit careless as I entered a home.  I was visiting where there were two adjoining front doors, a double door if you will.  Each door had an ornate door knocker, matching.  Each had a thick ring that would strike a plate.  Please take note that one needs to carefully compliment a female host that she has some really nice knockers, no matter how genuine the compliment.  Choose your words wisely.  There could be a misinterpretation.

Fortunately this was during transition and me presenting as female otherwise I might have had a bigger frown come my way, and perhaps a boot out those double doors.


Chrissy

I enjoy talking with other women. It is nice.  Some things I cannot relate to directly but I can listen and learn.  Plus it helped that earlier on some drew me into the conversation... slowly I became more comfortable in these situations. 

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 09, 2024, 06:10:44 AMI enjoy talking with other women. It is nice.  Some things I cannot relate to directly but I can listen and learn.  Plus it helped that earlier on some drew me into the conversation... slowly I became more comfortable in these situations. 

Chrissy

Cool, Chrissy!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 09, 2024, 06:10:44 AMI enjoy talking with other women. It is nice.  Some things I cannot relate to directly but I can listen and learn.  Plus it helped that earlier on some drew me into the conversation... slowly I became more comfortable in these situations. 

Chrissy

Admittedly, this is somewhat stereotypical ... but it is not without it's merit:

In a conversation between a group of men, each of them are listening mostly for key words - any key words that will allow THEM to jump in with a story, opinion, share a fact, etc. They feel pressure to contribute at best, dominate at worst.

Women actually listen and learn. They are happy to share when it makes sense, but often their contributions are QUESTIONS to others — either for further info about what they were saying, clarification, or even advice on a different issue based on skills just revealed.

If you ever wonder why so many women seem so uncannily skilled at "oh, how's your son Mark doing at Brandeis?" upon seeing someone for the second time, while a guy might be like "oh yeah, I know you!"  It's because they pay attention.

Personally when I was living as a guy, I felt more obligated to "perform" at times... but I only did it in groups of guys. I find it wonderful to go out my wife and sisters-in-law and mostly just listen and laugh, unless there's some real reason for me to contribution and of course when I'm asked questions - which happens often.

Male aura, female aura... it's a real thing. And you can sense it by the way people communicate. Has zero to do with appearance.

(Sorry - I feel like I veered the topic off course a bit. Let me know if you want me to delete the above prattle)

Love your post, Allie.

A good way to remember things is to listen well.

Chrissy

If you do not listen, you cannot remember.

So what I gather from this thread is that some transgender women may choose to go "stealth". Concealing their trans history from others for personal reasons or something else.

On the other hand, some transgender women may choose to be open about their trans history. This can be for a variety of reasons, as well.

I wonder if these responses answered the OP questions?

They helped me understand more.

It seems like a complex situation, and a personal one. I gained a wealth of knowledge from this thread that I can take with me on my journey.

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, and perspectives.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 09, 2024, 06:07:39 AMExcept once I was a bit careless as I entered a home.  I was visiting where there were two adjoining front doors, a double door if you will.  Each door had an ornate door knocker, matching.  Each had a thick ring that would strike a plate.  Please take note that one needs to carefully compliment a female host that she has some really nice knockers, no matter how genuine the compliment.  Choose your words wisely.  There could be a misinterpretation.

Chrissy

Sorry to take this thread off track for a bit, but you post about the "nice knockers" instantly made me think of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wS3LWOTCW4A

From the late 80's I think. 

Okay, now I'll stop talking and start listening again.  :) 

Quote from: Paulie on September 10, 2024, 12:01:27 AMSorry to take this thread off track for a bit, but you post about the "nice knockers" instantly made me think of this:

From the late 80's I think.

Okay, now I'll stop talking and start listening again.  :) 

While in Germany, there was a radio program. It was two guys talking and one of them interprets everything to be sexual, but the guy telling the story means it in a strictly innocent way. It was hilarious when he was talking about his new female neighbor's "balcony", how nice it was, it was big and strong (firm). The other guy keeps asking questions about her "balcony" like a perv.

OK. My turn to shut up.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 10, 2024, 09:39:45 AMWhile in Germany, there was a radio program. It was two guys talking and one of them interprets everything to be sexual, but the guy telling the story means it in a strictly innocent way. It was hilarious when he was talking about his new female neighbor's "balcony", how nice it was, it was big and strong (firm). The other guy keeps asking questions about her "balcony" like a perv.

OK. My turn to shut up.  ;D

I ordered a balconette bra.  I heard that it is also called a balcony bra.
I did not order the quarter cup bra I saw though. 

Chrissy

But the way, has anyone here actually used a quarter cup bra?
Seems like you might need nipple covers with those things!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 10, 2024, 02:32:42 PMBut the way, has anyone here actually used a quarter cup bra?
Seems like you might need nipple covers with those things!

I don't think I have. Mine are balconette or demi. I like a little coverage so my nipples don't rip a hole in my top.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 10, 2024, 02:35:09 PMI don't think I have. Mine are balconette or demi. I like a little coverage so my nipples don't rip a hole in my top.  ;D

I would get too uncomfortable with a lot of rubbing them on clothes like that.  Soft nightgowns rubbing on them is actually soothing. 

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 10, 2024, 02:38:52 PMI would get too uncomfortable with a lot of rubbing them on clothes like that.  Soft nightgowns rubbing on them is actually soothing. 

Chrissy

Usually, I don't notice. Just like I don't notice the feel of my socks or jeans. I think the brain just tunes it out. Occasionally, I will be walking and I notice it if I get some bounce or a jiggle. I just smile to myself and keep going.  ;)

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 10, 2024, 02:32:42 PMBut the way, has anyone here actually used a quarter cup bra?
Seems like you might need nipple covers with those things!

I feel kind of bad having to point this out Chrissy, but the point of the Quarter Cup bra is to appear braless while still having some support.  :o

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 10, 2024, 02:42:00 PMOccasionally, I will be walking and I notice it if I get some bounce or a jiggle. I just smile to myself and keep going.  ;)

I'm just getting there.  This past weekend was the first in many years where I didn't wear a bra.  Both days, and I alway wear one except to bed.  :)

Quote from: Paulie on September 10, 2024, 11:53:33 PMI feel kind of bad having to point this out Chrissy, but the point of the Quarter Cup bra is to appear braless while still having some support.  :o

I figured it must be something like that.  Not for me.  I just would not wear a bra in those instances.

I don't think of it as an either/or kind of thing. I think you can be both. For me I don't see being a trans woman as any different to being a left-handed woman, or a brunette woman, or a green-eyed woman. It's a part of me. One facet in a diamond. Just a different woman in a world of different women. It's part of who I am but it's not who I am. And... reconciling that went quite a long way to helping me feel better about myself. :)

I am a (probably too) sensitive woman.
I am a (probably too) emotional woman.
I am a trans woman.
I am an often too driven woman.
I can be a sometimes bossy woman.
I am an obsessive-about-some-things woman.
I am a caring woman.
I am a woman.

That's literally how I see it. It's one item on a list that goes into making me... me. Getting rid of that, I don't know... through that part of myself, I have met some of the best people, forged some of the best memories, shared laughter, tears, hopes, dreams... as with some of the other parts of myself. I don't see it as some sticker I have to wear, even though the rest of the world might. It's just part of my life and I'm okay with that. Like the Borg, I have assimilated your gender and sexual orientation distinctiveness into my own, lol.

Alice Krige was kinda hot in that movie. I mean... yeah.

Quote from: Gina P on September 07, 2024, 08:42:16 AMI was having  conversation with my wife, saying that at some point I feel I would just be a woman and move on from being trans. As many members do, I feel I would probably just continue life as a woman and move on from the groups, boards and chats to just living my life as a woman. Her response was you will always be a trans woman no matter what. This really got me thinking. Comments, thoughts ?

If some people feel more comfortable sticking an adjective in front of their noun that's up to them.

I'm a woman. Always have been and always will be. Not a trans anything.

Generally it's really no one else's business to describe your truth. So in that sense it's not your wife's place to name you. That's her issue. Not yours.

xx

Quote from: Tills on December 19, 2024, 12:56:07 AMIf some people feel more comfortable sticking an adjective in front of their noun that's up to them.

I think this comes from the idea that if you were not born with a uterus and had to do things to become a woman, then you are not really a woman, you are a trans woman. Some people feel threatened or maybe are so insecure in their own sexuality that they need to put others down to feel superior.

It is not always done maliciously. There is plenty of misinformation about and people tend to absorb it instead of learning for themselves. This is complicated by the fact that cis women generally do not experience gender dysphoria, so they have no frame of reference, and understanding the condition is difficult. It is easier to fall back and accept what you can understand and accept that as the truth.

As if that wasn't bad enough, those of us who experience dysphoria have an equally difficult time explaining what it is like to someone who can't grasp the concept. It is like trying to tell someone to imagine what the color green sounds like.

As for me, I will always be trans because I know that I need to change my body to align with my self-image. But those who would not know this would accept me as the woman that I know I am.

We still have a problem in society where a majority of people believe that gender is tied to biological sex. Someone who learns that you have transitioned immediately wonders what happened to your genitals. Those are the kinds of questions we always get from people. It will likely continue until the masses become enlightened enough to understand the difference. We have a long road ahead of us.

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 19, 2024, 09:48:58 AMI think this comes from the idea that if you were not born with a uterus and had to do things to become a woman, then you are not really a woman, you are a trans woman. Some people feel threatened or maybe are so insecure in their own sexuality that they need to put others down to feel superior

So true Lori Dee.

My body wasn't in alignment for a while but then loads of people's bodies aren't in alignment in any number of ways. I know heaps of women who had all kinds of anatomical, hormonal, cerebral 'misalignments' in the judgement of outsiders ... and heaps of others who have had subsequent battles to maintain their womanhood, whether because of illness, operations, or hormonal changes etc. etc.

Human beings are immensely complex and this reductionism of gender and sex to this or that bit of a body is pitifully simplistic.

The fact that I was born with a chromosome mutation that makes me more female doesn't affect this point for others without that condition. It just reinforces it. I like the way in which medical scientists now prefer to use the term 'rearrangement' to 'mutation' because it's less pejorative.

We are all a bundle of complexity. If you identify as a woman from birth then you are a woman from birth.
I didn't have to do anything to become a woman. I am one and always have

As you rightly say, when outsiders seek to categorise it is, of course, in order to subjugate and control the other.

xx

Biological, mental, emotional... it doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel. How you see yourself and how you want the world to see you. All roads lead to Rome, as it were. Transition... transitory, it's a descriptor. Describing steps taken.

You are who you are, whatever your journey to get there. No one can wear any one thing as a badge of honour. It literally doesn't matter. As I say, this doesn't have to be an either/or thing. As much as the world seems like it sometimes wants it to be. Acknowledging the "trans" doesn't make you any less of a woman, or man, or anywhere else on the spectrum. It just sees the journey you went through. Nothing more, nothing less.