Susan's Place Transgender Resources

How did you go about letting a friend (or perhaps a family member) know about your gender transition?

Were you anxious?

How did it go?

How along were you in your transition when you did your gender reveal with this person?

Have you any more people with whom you plan to gender reveal?

Does everyone you want to know about your transition know now?


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on October 12, 2024, 12:30:19 PMHow did you go about letting a friend (or perhaps a family member) know about your gender transition?

Were you anxious?

How did it go?

To deal with part of your post... I just told them I needed to talk to them about something. Something important.

Was I anxious? Absolutely terrified. But... I think mostly because I am not someone who easily puts their life in someone else's hands. I was more scared about feeling vulnerable than anything else. And trusting someone else. I have massive trust issues. Namely... I don't. Hardly ever. I have more internal security around me than Fort Knox. More layers than an onion, as it were. The thought of letting that down and... letting someone in... letting them decide how they felt about me... that mortified me more than probably laying down on a landmine or something. I still remember the feeling. Each time. It was like gargling sand. I was shaking, lol.

Most people... I don't care, because I don't care enough what they think of me for their opinions to matter. I have very thick skin when it comes to people I don't know. But people I let close to me... they can kill me with a word. That's just the kind of person I am, I guess. I am... a fragile heart within a glacier.

The first time it went... better than I could have ever hoped. It led me here. Renewed my faith in humanity. The second time I told someone close to me... it went... differently. He didn't understand. Couldn't understand. And I can't blame him. But he was like "If you get it, that's okay." And that's the most I could have hoped for, really.

It taught me that... it's okay to have faith in people. Even when everything around you tells you that you shouldn't. To allow yourself to be vulnerable because you might be surprised. I still struggle with it though. I still keep most people at arm's length.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on October 12, 2024, 12:30:19 PMHow did you go about letting a friend (or perhaps a family member) know about your gender transition?

Were you anxious?

How did it go?

How along were you in your transition when you did your gender reveal with this person?

Have you any more people with whom you plan to gender reveal?

Does everyone you want to know about your transition know now?


Chrissy

Generally took them aside, called, and messaged to let them know I had something important I wanted to share with them. Anyone, I wasn't able to do that with at the end was told via Facebook post shortly before I killed off my original Facebook account.

I was not anxious, but then again I chose carefully who to share and who was left with a brief chance to know before cutting all ties.

It went well, but my choosing carefully those who I shared with ensured that it would for the most part.

In most cases early, but my transition moved at lightning speed too.

Those in my life now, who didn't know before are not shared the info. No one left I plan on revealing too.

Everyone I want to know knows at this point. Anyway, I hope that answers your question. Hugs
Mariah

I told quite a few friends from my past.  Mostly, I emailed them, since they are scattered all over the country. 

I was always a bit anxious.  After all, they might reject me and that would suck.  On the other hand, if they were that kind of person, I wouldn't have been friends with them in the first place.  And if they turned out to be that kind of person anyway, I'd be better off without them in my life.  So a bit anxious, but not overly so.

Everyone who needs to know does so.  So do a few people who didn't need to know, but whom I wanted to know just for old times' sake.

Hi Everyone

I have never done a formal "Gender Reveal," or in other words, I've rarely told anyone about my identity, except under a few exceptional circumstances.

I never directly came out to my family. My uncle, who knew about the changes I was making in my life at the time, ended up telling my mother. She was curious about my whereabouts, and he was under some pressure to explain. As for the rest of my family, I assume word spread through a kind of "Chinese whispers."

In the early days, when it came to doctors and psychiatrists, they found out through referral letters rather than me telling them directly.
Over the years, I've shared this with about six doctors: two recently through letters regarding my surgery, and four others whom I told verbally.

There are only a few other instances that come to mind. One was around 2010 when I had to get documents signed by a justice of the peace. I didn't explicitly tell him about my condition; it was clear from the nature of the paperwork.

Another was with a superannuation specialist who needed the details to reflect my new identity. The third instance was a high school friend. I'm not sure how much she already knew, but she was trying to figure out what had happened to me. We ended up writing letters back and forth for a long time.

Most of the time, when people find out, it's through family connections. It's not usually me who tells them, but rather a family member, or they learn through family history.

So, I rarely reveal my past. Even when I do, it's only in very rare circumstances.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

Hi Everyone

It must be noted I never transitioned, however in answering the questions.

How did you go about letting a friend (or perhaps a family member) know about your gender transition?
I have never had to reveal to friends or family about 'changing my life around'.

Were you anxious?
I have never been anxious when I have had to tell someone.  Embarrassed once yes and that was in the case of the 'Justice of the Peace'.

How did it go?
When ever it was revealed verbally or paper work, it has gone okay, since the situation was in a professional situation.  In other words, thinking about it.  I was not going to be discussing my situation, it was a case of lets do what needs to be done.

How along were you in your transition when you did your gender reveal with this person?  Only doctors and physciatrists knew right from the start and I never revealed to them anything about my gender, they just saw me as female.  In regards to mum it would have been around three months when my uncle must have told her.

Have you any more people with whom you plan to gender reveal?
No, I will never reveal my past to anyone unless it's absolutely necessary.

Does everyone you want to know about your transition know now?
There is nobody I know at the present or past that I want them to know about me.

I have lived without telling anybody about me (except for rare occasions) and I feel very comfortable in not doing so.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

Coming out and telling my family and friends was absolutely terrifying. When I told my son, I wore women's turquoise sneakers and asked him what he thought about my sneakers. He responded with they look like woman's! Which opened the door to my conversation. The next holiday was Thanksgiving at his house and all my daughter in laws family lined up to hug me at the door. I knew the secrete was out. In the early days I was telling everyone I knew about my transition. It felt great to get the load off my soul. Now unless someone asks, I'm just Gina a woman.

How was this going for you, or are you still in the revealing to others mode?
Or unsure if you should begin?

I had a therapist that initially told my parents about this when I was 13. I think that was really the best way because we probably wouldn't have anything to do with each other if it came from me. This was before any physical changes happened really.

Does everyone know? I would say the important people in my life know but every single person that once knew my "boy self" probably won't. For all I know some of them could be bigots so it might not be a bad thing.

I handed my best friend my phone with a picture of myself dressed to come out to her. She looked for a minute then said:

"Do you still have that lipstick"

"Yes."

"Get rid of it."

🤣

Quote from: Devlyn on April 25, 2026, 12:02:52 PMI handed my best friend my phone with a picture of myself dressed to come out to her. She looked for a minute then said:

"Do you still have that lipstick"

"Yes."

"Get rid of it."

🤣

Did you get rid of it?

Absolutely. I ditched my wig too because she said it made me look like my mother (my mother and I did not get along).

Her final gem was "If you're going to do this you need to get boobs."

Quote from: Devlyn on April 25, 2026, 12:38:48 PMAbsolutely. I ditched my wig too because she said it made me look like my mother (my mother and I did not get along).

Her final gem was "If you're going to do this you need to get boobs."

Well you got some, that is for sure.

I am paralysed with fear of coming out and the ramifications it could have on my little family unit.

I have only told two people in my life. My best friend at the time, who was ok with it I think but a few years later he just cut me off dead, and more recently my mother which went very well indeed. I do worry that my ex friend will publically out me one day but he hasn't so far (that I know of). I only have one friend left out in the real world so I'm very scared of telling her. I am 90% certain she would be fine with it but I'm very scared to risk it.

I'm a coward really I know. I'll have to do it one day. I do find threads like this are useful though.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 12:46:48 PMI am paralysed with fear of coming out and the ramifications it could have on my little family unit.

I have only told two people in my life. My best friend at the time, who was ok with it I think but a few years later he just cut me off dead, and more recently my mother which went very well indeed. I do worry that my ex friend will publically out me one day but he hasn't so far (that I know of). I only have one friend left out in the real world so I'm very scared of telling her. I am 90% certain she would be fine with it but I'm very scared to risk it.

I'm a coward really I know. I'll have to do it one day. I do find threads like this are useful though.

It takes courage to disclose things that are against "societal norms" or if you know the others have opposing viewpoints.  You may receive rejection, silence, avoidance, and even ridicule.

However, you may receive cautious, curious acceptance.

You may receive a lovely, welcoming acceptance. 

It takes some guts to disclose.  This is not easy.  It may help if you disclose to other transgender people first, those you do not really know, such as at a transgender group meeting.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 25, 2026, 12:52:28 PMIt takes courage to disclose things that are against "societal norms" or if you know the others have opposing viewpoints.  You may receive rejection, silence, avoidance, and even ridicule.

However, you may receive cautious, curious acceptance.

You may receive a lovely, welcoming acceptance. 

It takes some guts to disclose.  This is not easy.  It may help if you disclose to other transgender people first, those you do not really know, such as at a transgender group meeting.

Chrissy

Thanks for the advice Chrissy.

I don't know any transgender people IRL unfortunately. There is a girl at work but as far as I know she is not broadcasting she is trans, I was only told by another work collegue who knew her before transition. I can't go up to her and announce it as she will think she doesn't pass when she does, very well in fact. She doesn't work in my department though.

I don't think I have it in me to join a support group. I'm not a joiner, I don't get involved in group activities, they make me feel very uncomfortable.

I'll overcome it one day.

I just told everyone once I'd decided to transition. Didn't think much of it and wasn't worried. But honestly thats only 5 members of my family and a couple of work colleagues.  I don't have anyone else in my life to tell. None of it was a big thing really.

I emailed my wider work colleagues. Clients got to know by my email footer with 'formerly Chris' next to my name.

Remember this is the second time I've come out so to speak. I came out as gay aged 16. That obviously changed later in life.

Charlotte 😻

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 01:30:50 PMI just told everyone once I'd decided to transition. Didn't think much of it and wasn't worried. But honestly thats only 5 members of my family and a couple of work colleagues.  I don't have anyone else in my life to tell. None of it was a big thing really.

I emailed my wider work colleagues. Clients got to know by my email footer with 'formerly Chris' next to my name.

Remember this is the second time I've come out so to speak. I came out as gay aged 16. That obviously changed later in life.

Charlotte 😻

That's because your fearless Charlotte! It's really impressive.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 01:34:14 PMThat's because your fearless Charlotte! It's really impressive.

I'd already been attending work in dresses with a beard and boy mode for months, so guess this was just answering a question most people were thinking!

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on April 25, 2026, 01:36:28 PMI'd already been attending work in dresses with a beard and boy mode for months, so guess this was just answering a question most people were thinking!

It took me so long to get comfortable in a dress.  I had to make sure there was no trace of a beard and I wanted to look far away from a man as possible before trying that.  I finally did, and I very much enjoy wearing dresses that look good on me.  I wish I had that hourglass figure but I make do. 

Chrissy

Quote from: Stottie Girl on April 25, 2026, 12:46:48 PMI do worry that my ex friend will publically out me one day but he hasn't so far (that I know of).

One advantage of being out is that you never have to worry about who knows or who doesn't.

I hope some day you are able to be yourself openly.  I understand you caution with regards to your spouse.  You have to do what you think is best.  But if you are ever able to be out, your stress level will go down.

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 25, 2026, 03:18:29 PMOne advantage of being out is that you never have to worry about who knows or who doesn't.

I hope some day you are able to be yourself openly.  I understand you caution with regards to your spouse.  You have to do what you think is best.  But if you are ever able to be out, your stress level will go down.

I don't have a spouse Kathy. Or a partner for that matter. Haven't had one since I was 15 in fact! My female friend is just that a friend, we've known each other since the first day of infant school.

I think my biggest fear is work and most of all my dad.

Transitioning is not an easy process.  Some days go very nicely, then not so.

Over time, it seems to get a bit easier though.

I do miss the much shorter prep time to get ready to go to work.  You cannot have everything though!