Susan's Place Transgender Resources

If you do NOT plan to have GCS are you not a true transgender / transsexual person?

I remember a radio personality say that if a MTF person does not plan to get bottom surgery then the person is a just a cross dresser, at least until the GC surgery has been completed.

Is it a fair thing to say if there are no barriers whatsoever for that person to get that surgery?

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 29, 2024, 02:25:33 PMIf you do NOT plan to have GCS are you not a true transgender / transsexual person?

I remember a radio personality say that if a MTF person does not plan to get bottom surgery then the person is a just a cross dresser, at least until the GC surgery has been completed.

Is it a fair thing to say if there are no barriers whatsoever for that person to get that surgery?

Chrissy

And what about if the person in question doesn't cross dress?

Radio personalities say things they know will keep them being radio personalities. And that's all you should ever read into it. They're misinformed, deliberately controversial individuals who say things to push peoples' buttons and keep them in an audience. And should be taken as such.

Having this kind of surgery is not like going to the dentist to have a filling. There are a million reasons why someone wouldn't want to, or wouldn't be able to go through it. That is no reflection on who they are. None. Zero. And nor should it ever be a factor, in my opinion.

By definition, a cross-dresser is: "a person who wears clothing typical of the other sex."

Since transgender people dress according to their own sex, they are not cross-dressing. It doesn't matter if they have had, or ever intend to have surgery. They do it for different reasons.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 29, 2024, 02:25:33 PMIf you do NOT plan to have GCS are you not a true transgender / transsexual person?

I don't think that is true.  If the person feels that they are their target gender and lives as that gender, then they are transgender.  There is no requirement for surgery or even hormones.

If they are part-time as their target gender, they might be trans or they might not.  It depends on how they see their own gender.

If a person thinks that they are the gender they were assigned at birth and just likes to dress as the opposite gender, then they are a cross-dresser.  I would still welcome them in trans spaces, because they might be trans whose egg has just not cracked yet.  If they can't tell, I certainly can't.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 29, 2024, 02:25:33 PMIf you do NOT plan to have GCS are you not a true transgender / transsexual person?

I remember a radio personality say that if a MTF person does not plan to get bottom surgery then the person is a just a cross dresser, at least until the GC surgery has been completed.

Is it a fair thing to say if there are no barriers whatsoever for that person to get that surgery?

Chrissy

I hope I'm just misreading your intent, because that is a trans elitist/ truscum talking point.

If someone identifies as transgender, transsexual, or any other gender identity, then they are. Full stop.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn on December 29, 2024, 03:03:10 PMI hope I'm just misreading your intent, because that is a trans elitist/ truscum talking point.

If someone identifies as transgender, transsexual, or any other gender identity, then they are. Full stop.

Hugs, Devlyn

I had my feelings hurt bad when I heard that actually a few years back even though it seemed so uninformed. 

I have had some deep concerns about my overall situation recently and was reflecting maybe he was not too far from the truth if I did not take this big surgery step or even getting legal paperwork completed. 

I do not want to believe his words.  I think he just does not understand. 

I guess I just need to work through some matters that are on my mind and heart.  I can be sad some days but I really have a lot to be grateful for so I bounce back quickly from times of crying.  I am okay.

Thanks to all commenters on this matter.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 29, 2024, 03:24:36 PMI have had some deep concerns about my overall situation recently and was reflecting maybe he was not too far from the truth if I did not take this big surgery step or even getting legal paperwork completed. 

The truth about what, Chrissy?

That's hogwash. I'm sorry but it just is. I will never be able to have surgery, or even take hormones. But I don't ever see myself as what someone wants to label me as. Not anymore. I spent a good chunk of my life doing that and it's like being on some nasty drug that you don't even get to see the sparkly purple unicorns. It's like being comatose, watching the world go by and never feeling a part of it.

It isn't even about being trans. You just have to look at how you are here, how you are when talking to you. You are Chrissy. You are who you are. You are one of the kindest, gentlest, most feminine, sweetest people on the site. And that has nothing to do with how you look, or what steps you want to take or not take. It has everything to do with who you are. I equate people to water. That's my element. It helps me understand people. You are a vast, deep lake behind a dam. Calm, serene, vast depths of strength and power. Yet nurturing the land around.

If I can give you some advice, Chrissy. Don't listen to blowhards who don't know anything about anything and who want to try to make a point to get people to agree with them. Listen to yourself. Look at how you are. Who you are. And hold on tight to that, okay? You get to define you. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on December 29, 2024, 03:38:11 PMYou just have to look at how you are here, how you are when talking to you. You are Chrissy. You are who you are. You are one of the kindest, gentlest, most feminine, sweetest people on the site. And that has nothing to do with how you look, or what steps you want to take or not take. It has everything to do with who you are.

I agree 100%. For as long as I have known you, you have been Chrissy and all of the things mentioned above. And that is who you have been for over ten years, long before I saw your name on this site. You are a true blessing. Never stop being Chrissy. The world is so much better with you in it as YOU.

@ChrissyRyan   cc: @Sephirah  @Lori Dee  @KathyLauren  @Devlyn

Dear Chrissy:
All of the comment replies here on your topic/thread are correct... and Devlyn in
the quote below of her reply comment sums up all of the replies quite succinctly...

Quote from: Devlyn on December 29, 2024, 03:03:10 PM
I hope I'm just misreading your intent, because that is a trans elitist/ truscum talking point.

If someone identifies as transgender, transsexual, or any other gender identity, then they are. Full stop.

Hugs, Devlyn

As a side note: Long before I started HRT, and when I was back in high school I knew
for certain that I was a transgender girl.... the subsequent steps that I took in
my journey were only confirming and affirming in that regard.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

You all are very kind.


Chrissy

@ChrissyRyan   cc: @Sephirah  @Lori Dee  @KathyLauren  @Devlyn
Dear Chrissy:
Continue on in your unique personal journey in a way that works best for you with
the journey route that is most suitable for your own personal, romantic, financial and
employment situations.

I am wishing your success and happiness as you continue on.
HUGS and best wishes to you.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 29, 2024, 05:21:16 PMYou all are very kind.


Chrissy

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on December 29, 2024, 05:30:53 PM@ChrissyRyan   cc: @Sephirah  @Lori Dee  @KathyLauren  @Devlyn
Dear Chrissy:
Continue on in your unique personal journey in a way that works best for you with
the journey route that is most suitable for your own personal, romantic, financial and
employment situations.

I am wishing your success and happiness as you continue on.
HUGS and best wishes to you.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Thanks Danielle.

I am basically a happy woman, never happier in my life.  Life is full of compromise, give and take, and giving and sharing.  I think I finally have gotten it -mostly- all together.  We shall see how my journey continues.

Chrissy

Quote from: Sephirah on December 29, 2024, 03:38:11 PMThe truth about what, Chrissy?

That's hogwash. I'm sorry but it just is. I will never be able to have surgery, or even take hormones. But I don't ever see myself as what someone wants to label me as. Not anymore. I spent a good chunk of my life doing that and it's like being on some nasty drug that you don't even get to see the sparkly purple unicorns. It's like being comatose, watching the world go by and never feeling a part of it.

It isn't even about being trans. You just have to look at how you are here, how you are when talking to you. You are Chrissy. You are who you are. You are one of the kindest, gentlest, most feminine, sweetest people on the site. And that has nothing to do with how you look, or what steps you want to take or not take. It has everything to do with who you are. I equate people to water. That's my element. It helps me understand people. You are a vast, deep lake behind a dam. Calm, serene, vast depths of strength and power. Yet nurturing the land around.

If I can give you some advice, Chrissy. Don't listen to blowhards who don't know anything about anything and who want to try to make a point to get people to agree with them. Listen to yourself. Look at how you are. Who you are. And hold on tight to that, okay? You get to define you. <3

I am still growing as a person, growing as a woman.  I want to grow wiser, kinder, lovelier in my heart, thoughts, and actions. 

Thanks you Sephirah.

Chrissy

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 29, 2024, 04:22:39 PMI agree 100%. For as long as I have known you, you have been Chrissy and all of the things mentioned above. And that is who you have been for over ten years, long before I saw your name on this site. You are a true blessing. Never stop being Chrissy. The world is so much better with you in it as YOU.

Well maybe just a wee bit better.  A teensy tiny bit.  I am just one woman in the world, unimportant.  We can all work to make it a little better.  If we do, the world will benefit. 

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 29, 2024, 05:53:55 PMWell maybe just a wee bit better.  A teensy tiny bit.  I am just one woman in the world, unimportant.  We can all work to make it a little better.  If we do, the world will benefit. 

Something I learned long ago...

We cannot change the world. We can only change ourselves. If everyone did that, the world would be Heaven on Earth.

Thank you for doing your part!  :-*

Hi Chrissy

I hope you are doing okay.  I understand how confusing and hurtful it can feel when people throw around labels like cross dresser just because someone has not had certain paperwork or surgery done.  Please remember that you are living as the woman you know yourself to be.  Cross dressing applies to those who identify as male while wearing clothes of another gender.  You are not dressing up.  You are simply expressing who you are inside.

A lot of your friends in the thread made great points.  They reminded you that radio personalities often say things to spark controversy and get ratings and that your identity is not defined by what you have or have not had done.  Surgery is a personal choice that depends on many factors like health, finances, or your own comfort.  No one can decide for you whether you are trans enough or woman enough.

They also pointed out how caring and gentle you have always been.  You are recognised for your genuine kindness and empathy.  You are valid because you say you are.  It is also fine if you still have questions sometimes.  Growth is part of any journey.  I truly believe the world is better with you in it as the loving person you are.

You deserve the peace and happiness you seek and you do not have to prove your gender to anyone.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@ChrissyRyan

Sarah,

What seems incredulous is when transgender folks seem to rank or justify levels of a person's transgender status based on things like what you have done with your body, how long you been doing it, what you wear or how you look, and so on.

Seems like an elitism and class status kinda thing.  Wrong, bad, obnoxious, please stop that nonsense!

For non-transgender people I guess you need to understand where they are coming from.
Perhaps celebrities make rash comments for attention.  It does not matter if they are on the left, middle, or right side of the social political spectrum.  It may boil down to getting high ratings, how famous they want to be, and of course, money.

I am okay. Thank you for your concern and nice thoughts.  I need to log off now to get some things done. 


Chrissy

Sarah,

And yes, of course one does not cross dress when wearing gender conforming clothing.
You simply look better and feel better and it just seems right. 

Many here know exactly what I mean.  Have a wonderful rest of your day!

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 29, 2024, 02:25:33 PMIf you do NOT plan to have GCS are you not a true transgender / transsexual person?

I remember a radio personality say that if a MTF person does not plan to get bottom surgery then the person is a just a cross dresser, at least until the GC surgery has been completed.

Is it a fair thing to say if there are no barriers whatsoever for that person to get that surgery?

Chrissy

I don't think so. Surgery really is alot to go through and some people will still claim I'm a man regardless.

I do desire the surgery you're talking about but I also realize I have to be oriented with reality. The only reason I want it for is more enjoyment out of life. I think if I did it for any other reason I would probably regret it.

The majority of gender diverse people never transition, some because they don't have the opportunity, some due to fear of losing loved ones, and some who never learn or admit to themselves that they are diverse. Of the minority who actually transition maybe more than half don't have surgery. In most countries, it is just not available or affordable.

Few of us recognise we are trans early in life, so we spend decades evolving. We often mistakenly think we are faulty, conflate the euphoria of affirmation as sexual, some get the opportunity to dress affirmingly, fewer get the opportunity to actually medically transition, and the very lucky ones can 'pass'. As our journeys progress through this evolution, we may adopt many designations, but really, most are transitory and don't actually describe us.

So few achieve self realisation as our self image, so the rest of us are left with winding up somewhere along that evolutionary path, mostly not fitting any designation. These 'boxes' we try to fit into cause us more pain than gain, so I say, Why Bother? We are perfectly ourselves, no matter what anybody else says. Those designations go on and out of fashion, meaning completely different things from one decade to another. They are not us, ever.

Chrissy, as Sephirah said, 'you are who you are', and much loved on this forum! No matter what, that won't change!

Hugs,

Allie

Quote from: Allie Jayne on December 30, 2024, 06:46:21 PMThe majority of gender diverse people never transition, some because they don't have the opportunity, some due to fear of losing loved ones, and some who never learn or admit to themselves that they are diverse. Of the minority who actually transition maybe more than half don't have surgery. In most countries, it is just not available or affordable.

Few of us recognise we are trans early in life, so we spend decades evolving. We often mistakenly think we are faulty, conflate the euphoria of affirmation as sexual, some get the opportunity to dress affirmingly, fewer get the opportunity to actually medically transition, and the very lucky ones can 'pass'. As our journeys progress through this evolution, we may adopt many designations, but really, most are transitory and don't actually describe us.

So few achieve self realisation as our self image, so the rest of us are left with winding up somewhere along that evolutionary path, mostly not fitting any designation. These 'boxes' we try to fit into cause us more pain than gain, so I say, Why Bother? We are perfectly ourselves, no matter what anybody else says. Those designations go on and out of fashion, meaning completely different things from one decade to another. They are not us, ever.

Chrissy, as Sephirah said, 'you are who you are', and much loved on this forum! No matter what, that won't change!

Hugs,

Allie

That makes sense Allie.  Thank you.

Chrissy

This is one of the those cases that when I first saw the first post in the thread I was bit furious when I saw it. However, I felt I needed to let my own feelings simmer a bit while learned more what resulted in the question in the first from you. As much I'm not found of the question, it is a valid question to ask to try to understand things better even if it is just for understanding and clarification to get a better understanding of things that happen out there. A few different things come to mind that I hope may add to the clarity others have provided in regards to this.

Over the years in IRC/ Discord, a user has come and gone on there that I feel that user's story will help in some ways. She was forced to get the surgeries just to get the hormones and at any point she wavered on the surgeries the therapist and or doctors in her case attempted to withhold hormones. This has resulted in harm to her. It has resulted in bitterness and depression that to my knowledge she hasn't been able to move past despite many tries by myself and many others over time. It is true she transitioned a little bit ago, but was probably not much before sites like this one existed. Some care providers and people in general haven't moved beyond that thinking even today.

One such example of this is what my spouse went through when she first gave consideration about transitioning. This was during the late 2010's, but her first therapist still believed those old and outdated rules and beliefs. This resulted in my spouse not getting the right support from the therapist especially since my spouse started out non binary when she first transitioned. Took time and a new therapist for my spouse to be conformable to transition to non binary and then finally MTF, but non surgical which is where she is most comfortable. Now I strongly believe through my experience that case number one would have gone to that point where hormonally transition, but not surgically seeing a need in transition. Lastly, I feel it is time I share about myself and my story because it really goes to the point others have made in this thread.

My story starts back when I was born in the 70's. Back in the day they felt they had to make me look "Normal." This wasn't truly for my own good, but for those around me and the doctors who just couldn't handle someone looking different and had to force me into a box. I would have preferred they did nothing, but of course that option was long gone. Now eventually help fix that travesty I did transition and did have surgery down below which undid what had been done thankfully. What was done now I happy with despite my preferred option being taken away long, long ago. I was not happy being forced in a box back then. As much as I transitioned to female, a big element of me is still non binary because of my being intersex in the first and how that impacted my brain and body. It goes to prove boxes are not for all.

The key is just like boxes are not for all that how we transition and to the degree we due is unique to each of us. What I have always said to My spouse is for her to always be herself and I give that same advise to all. Always be yourself. It's true for medical, financial or even other reasons may impact the degree in which we can transition. However, at the end of the we need to be ourselves and do what we need to in regards what can and want to along with what label we want to use or not use. Anyways Chrissy I hope this helps.

I appreciate the clarification you have given in regards to the origin of the question and we can help give you and others that need it clarity. Hugs
Mariah

Mariah,

You are really quite illustrative with the example and of your situation.  Thank you for sharing.  It is nice that you are here to help bring to mind what some of us experience, what you have experienced, and your taking time to do so is thoughtful, helpful, and appreciated.

I am trying to make each day a good one.  Some are a bit tougher than others but they are better than ever for the most part.  It is good to be around decent people, and that includes the many who visit here.

Hugs,

Chrissy